1 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:24,791 I know you have questions 2 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:26,926 for the president, but it's very late. 3 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:28,061 He's exhausted. 4 00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:29,996 His brain is all over the place, 5 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:33,900 so unfortunately, he can't wait to talk to you. 6 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,703 Now, now, everybody in Spain 7 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,139 and tomorrow is your favorite president. 8 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:42,942 Hiding behind my curtain or behind the curtain? 9 00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:47,580 Something I enjoyed doing at Miss Teen USA in 1997. 10 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,215 I'm ready to talk. 11 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,316 You know, this is exciting. 12 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:53,219 Tonight, I took both an Ambien and an Adderall, 13 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,621 so we're going to see which one we're in. 14 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,556 So just a few questions, please. 15 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,159 Please. Oh, how great is Caroline Leavitt? 16 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,828 We love her. Oh, she's got a beautiful face. 17 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,164 And those lips that don't quit. 18 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:05,465 Pretty amazing that I could 19 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,668 just openly step over my young blond support. 20 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,371 And it's giving Michigan football coach. 21 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,173 Can we get a closeup? 22 00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,874 Let's get a close up on him now. 23 00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,376 That's one of my example. 24 00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:19,612 Now if they. Oh, I love that man. 25 00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,314 Now people need to see this. 26 00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:22,182 Look at those lips. 27 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,651 They go up like a machine gun. 28 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:25,719 Yes, ma'am. 29 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:29,422 Oh thank you Mary. That's that's, 30 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,323 Well, 31 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,093 see, he liked it because I'm very nice to him. 32 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,963 And. Yes, you have a question, you nasty, horrible witch. 33 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,299 My name is Caitlin Collins, sir. 34 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,102 And that's one of the nicer things that you've called me, 35 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,269 sir, at your rallies this week. 36 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:46,139 You address the affordability crisis. 37 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:48,108 Are you admitting that it's a serious problem? 38 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,210 No, it's made up term affordability. 39 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,445 The economy is very strong. 40 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,546 Everyone's fine. 41 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,349 From the billionaires all the way down to the poor. 42 00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:59,819 Poor millionaires who we're praying for every night. 43 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,922 Which is a miracle, because I inherited a mess 44 00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:06,259 of an economy from the awful presidents who came before me, 45 00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:07,961 like Biden and Trump. 46 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,765 This guy, this guy did a great number on this place. 47 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:12,699 Now get a man. 48 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,200 Ask me a question, please. 49 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,170 Yes. You're kind of a man. What? Your God. 50 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,304 Okay. Mr. 51 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,073 President, any comment on the oil tanker 52 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,542 you seized off the coast of Venezuela on Wednesday? 53 00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:26,413 Yes. We're doing pirate now, IRA. 54 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,313 You know, it's interesting. 55 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:27,781 Last week 56 00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,618 I said Somalis were garbage, and now we are stealing the ships. 57 00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,486 Ironic, isn't it? Ellen is. 58 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,689 She's great and she's happy. 59 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:39,759 But with regard to tanker, you know, I'm Captain now. 60 00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:42,095 Remember that Captain Phillips and captain. 61 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,396 I love that line. 62 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,598 You know, Captain Phillips, one of my favorite captains. 63 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:49,102 After Crunch Berries. 64 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,770 Why do you say whoops, I prefer it. 65 00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:53,740 I prefer when it's all Crunch Berries. 66 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,644 Oh. Methinks Ambien has pulled into the lead. 67 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:01,314 But don't worry, Adderall is still in the race, 68 00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:02,282 right? 69 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:05,051 So you'll continue to carry out strikes on Venezuela 70 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:08,321 in the Caribbean area? Yes. 71 00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,557 And you know, we're not just targeting drug boats. 72 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:13,593 We're targeting suspected drug planes as well. 73 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:14,060 In fact, 74 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,530 we have some declassified video from a strike I can show you. 75 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,866 Now, do we have that clip? Where's the clip? 76 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,409 Was that Santa? 77 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,443 Not anymore. 78 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:31,845 Next question. 79 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,948 Mr. President, do you have any comment on the, 80 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,384 potential sale of Warner Brothers to Netflix? 81 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,519 I don't know why anyone wants Warner Brothers. 82 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,889 They got one of the worst studio locked doors in L.A. 83 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,823 You go on that thing, 84 00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:45,625 and it's just some kid pointing to a tree. 85 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,827 Oh, that's the tree from Pretty Little Liars. 86 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:48,962 Who gives a crap? 87 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,163 You want to go to Lucas? 88 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,565 I want to go to the Gilmore Girls gazebo. 89 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,933 Let's go there. 90 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,136 And the Batman Museum, right? 91 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:58,104 Yes, but could you comment on the latest 92 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:00,840 batch of Epstein photos released by House Democrats? 93 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,577 Look, the fact is, these photos are a fake news Democrat hoax. 94 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,312 Okay, well, 95 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,249 even the picture of a bowl of condoms with your face on them 96 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,452 and the text saying I'm huge, they're 100% legit. 97 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,953 I love those files. 98 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,556 I'm in the files. I took a lot of great pictures. 99 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:17,857 Okay, I like that ball. 100 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:19,659 Okay, I think that's enough questions. 101 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,628 The president really needs to rest. Oh it's true. 102 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,631 I have to begin my pre bedtime self-care ritual. 103 00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:27,967 Putting a bandage on my hand and covering it with makeup, 104 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:31,137 then adding more layers of bandage and makeup. 105 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,640 It's a medical, isn't your Mamma mia? 106 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,309 We should all be very worried about my health. 107 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:37,644 I'm very ill. 108 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:41,114 Then I will brush my teeth before drifting off the grave 109 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,882 about Caroline's mouth. 110 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,851 Let's get one more shot at me. 111 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,487 I was that you want to say the lie? 112 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,656 I don't know, you lied. 113 00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:50,690 I want to see those mixing under your skin. 114 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,292 AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 115 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,127 SATURDAY NIGHT! 116 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,833 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY 117 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,501 NIGHT LIVE"! 118 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,670 WITH -- 119 00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:02,389 MUSICAL GUEST LILY ALLEN! 120 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:06,726 AND YOUR HOST, JOSH O'CONNOR! 121 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,332 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- JOSH 122 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:15,235 O'CONNOR! 123 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:22,442 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 124 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:32,485 ** 125 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,422 Thank you, 126 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,692 thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. 127 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,727 I'm so happy to be here. 128 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,762 I'm going to 129 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,664 thank you. 130 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,334 And for those of you who know my face, 131 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,569 but maybe can't quite place me. 132 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:54,474 No, I am not the mouse from flushed Away. 133 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,477 Although I will say he is quite fetching. 134 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,614 I'm an actor who you might know from the Crown. 135 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:05,085 Yes, from challenges and other angles 136 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:08,788 and other competitive homoerotic dramas. 137 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,391 Yes. I know I have a reputation for being 138 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,660 what the internet calls a soft boy. 139 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:17,030 I embroider, I scrapbook, I garden, 140 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,933 I'm just your average, everyday 65 year old woman. 141 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,236 And I'm just trying to live a quiet life. 142 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,039 But you have to be very careful about what you say, because 143 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,743 the press will blow everything completely out of proportion. 144 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,244 Like one time I said that 145 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,680 one of my favorite movies is Rat Tattoo, which is true. 146 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,315 It's a great film. 147 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,350 But I suppose fans started pitching me 148 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,321 as Chef Linguini for a live action Ratatouille remake, 149 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,057 and I'm not very online, so I didn't know that 150 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,091 this was a thing 151 00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:49,829 until the president of Disney, Pixar, publicly declared 152 00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:53,433 that there will never be a live action remake, 153 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:57,203 no matter how much Josh O'Connor once hit. 154 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,506 Do you know how it feels to be publicly 155 00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:02,876 rejected from a job I didn't even want? 156 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,279 For the record, I don't even want a live action rat to do it. 157 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,048 I don't have the time for it. 158 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,184 I mean, I'm already in the new, Knives Out film 159 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,020 with them. 160 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,023 Now that I'm saying out loud, sounds like the perfect name 161 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,325 for the live action rat to do it. 162 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,660 But that's neither here nor there. 163 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,796 I'm at SNL and I'm so honored. 164 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,932 The cast, the crew and sorry, sorry. 165 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,868 For what it's worth, I would kill as linguini 166 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,304 to, like, see a picture of him. 167 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:34,541 His is his is a huge and rat to do. 168 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:38,044 He is basically a queer love story, but I agree, I agree. 169 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,579 Let's not do it anyway. 170 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:44,784 Being here SNL during Christmas time is magical and joyous, 171 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,586 and because you can't make it to you 172 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,090 unless you have the perfect cast, there's just no point. 173 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,426 I mean, who would play the food critic Anton Ego? 174 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:58,365 Perhaps Jeff Goldblum? 175 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,267 No no no no, I mean yes, but later. 176 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,802 We've got a great show for you tonight. 177 00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:07,407 Lily Allen is here, so stick around and we'll be right back. 178 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,092 And now the game where singles mingle. 179 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:30,630 It's flesh, find love. 180 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,466 Hello, hello and welcome to Let's Find Love. 181 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,636 I'm your host, Darth Vader. 182 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,004 I don't know why that always gets a laugh. 183 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,539 It's just my name. 184 00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,708 But today, one lucky man will get his pick 185 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,611 between three beautiful ladies in his search for love. 186 00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:48,481 Let's meet our prince charming, Daniel Loesser. 187 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,417 Hi, I'm Daniel. 188 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,420 I'm 35 years old, and I've been told I'm cute, but 189 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:56,056 I don't know. 190 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,158 Oh, you know, 191 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,527 now, before we meet our lovely ladies, 192 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,195 we would just like to say we have addressed 193 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,597 the age discrimination problem here at the show. 194 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:08,134 So we have officially raised the age cap of our contestants 195 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:11,838 from 38 to as old as we can find. 196 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,340 Wait, what? 197 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,841 Let's bring out our ladies. 198 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,080 Hi, I'm Jaisal, I'm 36. 199 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,249 I'm a swim instructor, and I'm looking to cannonball 200 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:26,219 right into your heart. 201 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,090 Hi, I'm Trisha. 202 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,257 I'm 35. 203 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,293 I work in accounting, but the only number 204 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,994 I'm interested in is infinity. 205 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,997 With you. 206 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,171 What's going down? 207 00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,139 I'm Ingham crusher. 208 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,941 I'm 84 years old, and I'm looking for someone 209 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,110 to keep me crackin and smack into my time 210 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,446 here on Earth is up. 211 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,481 Fantastic. 212 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,950 All right, let's get started with our first look at this. 213 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,252 I'm going to keep me going. Get my bone dry. 214 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,587 Keep my bone dry. 215 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,323 Make sure I'm taking my meds right, get my meals right, 216 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,059 get my protein drunk in my cheese. Right. 217 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,127 Get my pills right. 218 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,695 Make sure to get my salmon's right. 219 00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:13,533 Get my juice right. Get my stuff right. 220 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,069 Oh my God. 221 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,072 Let's start the game. 222 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:26,212 All right. Oh. 223 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,148 Oh. Okay. 224 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,417 Looks like everybody's different, so. 225 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,218 Okay. 226 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,787 All right, there she goes. 227 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,255 She's gonna. 228 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,157 Oh, she's got a baguette and a break. 229 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:37,791 Okay. 230 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,960 Oh, I think she's wonderful. 231 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,596 I'm here. 232 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:47,133 Okay, well, these are some beautiful ladies. 233 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,903 Dan, let's start off with your first question. 234 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,304 Okay. 235 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,739 Contestant number one, 236 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,674 we're bound to get under each other's skin. 237 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,178 But what is your biggest pet peeve? Ooh. 238 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:02,482 My biggest pet peeve is when people are being mean to others. 239 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,684 Oh, that's so sweet. 240 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,686 I love nice girls. 241 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,956 Now, you don't, 242 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,360 No, no, we're all going to wait our turns. 243 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:13,626 Okay. 244 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:16,062 Contestant number two. 245 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:19,232 When people chew gum with their mouth wide open. 246 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,533 Oh, totally. 247 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,069 I absolutely hate that. 248 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,072 I'm not a lot of gum anymore. 249 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,874 That's what they said. 250 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:31,111 That's what they said. 251 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,179 Can that count as their answer? 252 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,415 No. Okay. 253 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,550 Contestant number three. 254 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,286 Biggest pet peeve is when there's no cake at a wedding. 255 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:43,323 Doesn't make any sense. 256 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,658 Makes me want to hurl myself over a bridge. 257 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,526 Don't cake it a wedding. 258 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:46,760 There's there. 259 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,629 Always be hot, moist cake at a wedding. 260 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,598 Oh, why should I go? 261 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,601 Why should I go? 262 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,571 Am I supposed to answer? 263 00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,773 I don't think so. 264 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:00,840 Okay. Next question. 265 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,208 Contestant number one. 266 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,711 If we were to leave together. 267 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,547 Where do you see our future in a year from now? 268 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,717 Hopefully somewhere tropical together. 269 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:13,086 Laughing under the stars. 270 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,655 A sense of humor that's so important. 271 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,058 I love that I got a joke. 272 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,661 My sister's a bitch. 273 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,729 Okay, let's move on. 274 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,898 Contestant number two. 275 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,934 I'd like us to be in the suburbs with one child and a couple 276 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,369 little ones on the way. 277 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,706 Well, medically impossible, but a really nice idea. 278 00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,941 And, contestant number three, 279 00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:38,078 I know exactly where I'll be in one year from now. 280 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,548 Front row, opening night of Toy Story five. 281 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:46,186 The toys are back and wiser than they were before. 282 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,855 Woody and the gang have to battle an iPad, 283 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,624 and Pixar's got a lot of pressure. 284 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,294 They got to get the story right, get the buzz right. 285 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,563 They got to get Andy right. Get the toys right. 286 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,865 Why should I go? 287 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,868 Why should I go? 288 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,573 All right. 289 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:10,377 Looks like it's that time to pick your one true love, Daniel. 290 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,478 Oh, finally. 291 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,646 Time to pick. Let's go. 292 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:14,147 Oh, no. 293 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,950 I'm not letting you see my options. 294 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,051 You don't pick. 295 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,352 Whoa! 296 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,755 Smoking. 297 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,290 Well, that's very flattering, but I think I'm going 298 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,392 to have to go with someone else. 299 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:29,095 Not you, pretty boy. Him, 300 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,097 me. Oh, yeah. Oh, snap. 301 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,098 I never get picked. 302 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,934 Yeah, because that's not how the game works. Yeah. 303 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,403 Bye bye. Bye, boo! I'm in charge. 304 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,704 Come on, man, on the back. 305 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,173 Let's get our buddies right. Let's go get our Sammy. 306 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,175 Right. Let's go get us. 307 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,476 Go get him! 308 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,178 Get out! 309 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,379 Get out! 310 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,350 it|s the end of the year. 311 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,786 And you know what that means, honey. 312 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,154 Spotify wrap. Just drop. 313 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,456 Oh, my God, I love when they do this. 314 00:15:56,456 --> 00:16:00,360 It's a way of looking back at who you were in 2025. 315 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,697 Steely Dan, you know that tracks with shareable stats 316 00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:06,733 showing how you compared to people around the world. 317 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,035 I'm in Sabrina carpenters top 1%. 318 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:09,869 That's so neat. 319 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,138 Well, now there's another way to look back 320 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,374 at who you truly were this year. 321 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:17,444 Introducing Uber Eats wrapped 322 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,279 Oh no 323 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,547 no thank you. 324 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,281 Study here. 325 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,283 Patterns and crunched the numbers. 326 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,218 Oh no I understood what it was. 327 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,320 I just don't like that. And I don't want that. 328 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,822 Well we did it anyway. 329 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,690 Now you can find out which restaurants 330 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,092 you couldn't live without. 331 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:35,261 Taco Bell, Five Guys, Burger King, Chipotle 332 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,430 Guess that explains why the plumber's always here. 333 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,132 It's not always here. 334 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,533 Toilets are a killer. 335 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,502 Oh, thanks, man, I got to vote. 336 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,071 No problem. 337 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,074 And learn what food I was telling you in a choke hold. 338 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,610 Says I'm in the top 1% of nuggets. 339 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,079 Oh, what does that even mean? Take a wild guess, David. 340 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,915 What did I eat? More nuggets than 99% of the world. 341 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:56,983 That can't be true. 342 00:16:56,983 --> 00:17:00,687 You're eating nuggets right now. 343 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,522 And based on your order history, 344 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:06,092 our math wizards have determined your Uber Eats H. 345 00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:09,529 My top food was churros and my Uber Eats age is dead 346 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,231 better than mine 52. 347 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,434 And for half an hour and a half, I do. 348 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:15,301 Whoo, whoo! 349 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,039 What women in the world would like what you just did? 350 00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,874 Only one serving this year. 351 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:25,078 Check out all the looks you wore to greet your Uber drivers. 352 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,147 What? I even share these words. 353 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,715 And we calculated exactly 354 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:32,519 how much money you spent on Uber Eats this year. 355 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:36,089 $24,000. 356 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,557 Give me one second. 357 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,593 Oh, and check out personalized messages 358 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,829 from the restaurants that kept you fed. 359 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,365 Thank you so much, Melissa. Because of you, 360 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:49,269 we are the number one Wendy's in the country. 361 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,970 Oh my God. 362 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,739 Oh, phone just hit me. 363 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,441 It's Uber eats wrapped 364 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,177 You have to tell people you're going to do this. 365 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,446 Oh, are you out of your mind? 366 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,517 All right, Mr. 367 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,319 Coleman, thank you for your patience. 368 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,055 The doctor will see you now. 369 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:12,559 Hello, patients. 370 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,626 Apologies for the delay. 371 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,029 I was delayed. 372 00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:17,197 Oh, Hi. 373 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,033 I have with me the results of your bloodwork. Oh, okay. 374 00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:20,800 Is everything okay? 375 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,036 To tell you was my greatest wish. 376 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,270 But this is a teaching hospital. 377 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,872 So my intern, who did 378 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,308 your blood work will be giving you the results. 379 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,143 Oh, okay. That's fine. 380 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:30,844 Very good. 381 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:36,182 Intern. So. 382 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:36,850 Oh my God. 383 00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:39,052 Is that my blood? 384 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,755 What should I tell him if it is his? 385 00:18:41,755 --> 00:18:43,890 Say no. 386 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,358 No, no. 387 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,527 Please give the patient test results. 388 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,529 Okay. 389 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,631 Your blood 390 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,867 is good. 391 00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,068 Okay, that's a relief. 392 00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:59,439 Excellent job, intern, but are you sure the blood is good? 393 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:02,676 No. Then do not say it's good. 394 00:19:02,676 --> 00:19:04,811 And that is the lesson for today. 395 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,013 Good bye. 396 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,014 Wait. 397 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,716 You didn't even give me my results. 398 00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,419 Good catch. That was a test. 399 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:13,720 Oh, perhaps the quiz. 400 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,723 No, quizno's. Now I'm hungry. 401 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,891 Let's look. 402 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:20,260 I just want to know if my blood is okay. 403 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,795 Doctor, your 4:00 is here. 404 00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:22,562 No is dead. 405 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,899 Exactly how I left you. What? 406 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,367 Are you serious? 407 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,936 I am. And don't call me serious. 408 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,873 My name is Shirley. 409 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,208 Okay. Doctor, please. 410 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:38,111 How did you know my last name? 411 00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:40,180 Your name is doctor, please. 412 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,915 Yeah, he's doctor, please. 413 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:44,651 And I'm Shirley. Please. 414 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,486 Are you two related? 415 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:51,458 I hope not. 416 00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,792 Oh my God. 417 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,662 Look, can I please just get my test results? 418 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,732 I got a date tonight, and I need to know if I have to. 419 00:19:58,732 --> 00:19:59,299 Como si? 420 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,769 Be safe. Disclose anything. 421 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:03,603 Of course. 422 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:06,339 The patient is always right. 423 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,075 I think the saying is the customer is always right. 424 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,311 Well, in a way, the patient is the customer 425 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:16,182 of a doctor and a and a horse is the car for a cowboy. 426 00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,617 That's a joke. 427 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,419 Oh, how I love jokes. 428 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:24,190 There's just something about them that makes me laugh. 429 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,229 You're not laughing, but I'm smiling. 430 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:33,533 And what is a smile but a laugh that hasn't been born yet? 431 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,035 Talk to you 5:00. It's dead. 432 00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:35,935 No. It's ugly. 433 00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:39,406 Then kill him. I'll try. 434 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:43,176 Now, Shirley gave the patient his results in plain English. 435 00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,612 Please. Your blood is right. Good night. 436 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,780 He's proper fit in it. 437 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:50,450 But your sodium levels are bullets. 438 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,484 So we're prescribing 439 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:54,654 you all that and a bag of chips. 440 00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:55,755 What is that? 441 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,657 It's a VHS of classic episodes. 442 00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:01,327 Of all that inside a bag of Cape Cod 443 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:04,230 crinkle cut crisps. 444 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:07,834 They are perfectly with lolly tops. 445 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,936 What are lolly tops? 446 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,071 They're lollipops. 447 00:21:11,071 --> 00:21:12,605 But just the head 448 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,609 for when you want to suck on something but not hold it. 449 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,078 Doctor, your car was towed. 450 00:21:18,078 --> 00:21:19,479 No, it was found at the scene of a crime. 451 00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,848 Exactly where I left it. 452 00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:24,784 Look, please just tell me my results now. 453 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,652 Fine. 454 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:30,090 See for yourself. 455 00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:32,258 This is your bloodwork 456 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:35,161 and says you two are related. 457 00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:36,996 Guess we'll have to stop doing this. 458 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,515 Thanks for coming to my cozy 459 00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,517 little bachelorette weekend, ladies. 460 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:58,451 I know it's lame, 461 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:02,589 but I just wanted to do something chill with my girlies. 462 00:22:02,589 --> 00:22:04,858 Hopefully not too chill, because what's 463 00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:08,261 a bachelorette weekend without stripper? 464 00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:10,063 Oh. What? 465 00:22:10,063 --> 00:22:12,265 No, I told you guys, it's not that kind of weekend. 466 00:22:12,265 --> 00:22:14,100 Strippers really aren't my thing. 467 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:15,368 Okay, don't worry. 468 00:22:15,368 --> 00:22:18,438 I got you a different kind of stripper. 469 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,840 Strippers that are more your type. 470 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,210 Okay, ladies, meet again. 471 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:33,787 Remington. Hi. 472 00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:36,790 Do we have consent to enter your home? 473 00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:46,566 Sure. Hi. 474 00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:49,703 You are enough. 475 00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:51,771 Oh my God. 476 00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,207 Before we get started, mind if I finish? 477 00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:55,709 My book 478 00:22:55,709 --> 00:23:00,146 was written by this brilliant woman of color. 479 00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,916 Margaret, where did you find these guys? 480 00:23:02,916 --> 00:23:05,885 On a Sally Rooney message board. 481 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:09,723 And the most sensitive male strippers in all the Catskills. 482 00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:12,225 Okay, I hate to be the group horndog, 483 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,527 but are they not going to strip? 484 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:17,897 Oh, they strip, boys, 485 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:21,868 if you're horny. 486 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:22,569 All right. 487 00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:26,773 And, last. 488 00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:29,676 Oh, why are they wearing two cardigans? 489 00:23:29,676 --> 00:23:34,447 Oh, look at, like, I think it's really working for her. 490 00:23:34,447 --> 00:23:36,816 You know, I think the president should be 491 00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:39,919 Cynthia Erivo. 492 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:41,821 God. You're perfect. 493 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,424 Hey, I never seen her like this. 494 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:45,859 I'm still not turned on y'all. 495 00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:48,495 These guys look like Frog and Toad. 496 00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:50,897 Are they gonna drop frow and show that Ticonderoga 497 00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:53,199 pork pencil? 498 00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:54,634 Beth, stop. 499 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,470 I'm just saying. I want to see some skin. 500 00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:02,208 Ask and you shall receive my. 501 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:07,514 Picture on tattoo. 502 00:24:07,514 --> 00:24:09,949 I don't want my strippers to have little beanies 503 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:10,850 and little earrings. 504 00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:14,054 I want them to throw ass in a cop outfit. 505 00:24:14,054 --> 00:24:17,123 Oh. Oh. Oh. 506 00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:17,490 Wait. 507 00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,460 Look, now they're dancing. 508 00:24:23,063 --> 00:24:24,531 Hey, you. 509 00:24:24,531 --> 00:24:27,567 Seems like they're just vibing with each other. 510 00:24:29,703 --> 00:24:31,171 What if we. 511 00:24:31,171 --> 00:24:33,740 We shouldn't. 512 00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:37,110 Unless we can't. 513 00:24:37,110 --> 00:24:38,144 Are they having a will? 514 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:40,380 They won't. They? 515 00:24:40,380 --> 00:24:40,947 Oh, God. 516 00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:43,883 Yes. Oh. 517 00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:46,319 Can we get a lap dance, at least? 518 00:24:46,319 --> 00:24:48,088 That's actually their specialty. 519 00:24:48,088 --> 00:24:49,222 Hit it guys! 520 00:24:49,222 --> 00:24:52,225 Of course. 521 00:24:54,928 --> 00:24:56,429 We're not expecting 522 00:24:56,429 --> 00:25:00,233 the double jeans from your ladies. 523 00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:03,570 Oh. Oh! Oh! 524 00:25:05,638 --> 00:25:08,341 Oh! Oh! 525 00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:11,478 Oh! Oh! 526 00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:13,279 You have to forgive yourself. 527 00:25:13,279 --> 00:25:18,518 Oh, I think mine's crying 528 00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:19,919 He got overstimulated. 529 00:25:19,919 --> 00:25:22,155 It's okay, buddy. 530 00:25:22,155 --> 00:25:23,723 I'm sorry. 531 00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:27,727 I was just thinking about the Supreme Court. 532 00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:28,962 No, no, no. 533 00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:31,131 This is not a stripping is. 534 00:25:31,131 --> 00:25:34,100 Yeah, and I'm worried Liz is gonna keep for real. 535 00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:35,935 Oh shut up, Jan 536 00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:38,505 I would. 537 00:25:38,505 --> 00:25:42,142 Hey, big surprise I made. 538 00:25:42,142 --> 00:25:44,611 What the hell is this? 539 00:25:44,611 --> 00:25:46,680 We don't want any problems, sir. 540 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,548 Oh, yeah, well I do. 541 00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:49,182 Get over here. 542 00:25:49,182 --> 00:25:51,451 Fleet foxes, let's go. 543 00:25:51,451 --> 00:25:55,088 Oh, my God, they're fighting! 544 00:25:55,088 --> 00:25:57,157 Oh, don't hurt them, Craig! 545 00:25:57,157 --> 00:25:58,558 Kill him right now! 546 00:25:58,558 --> 00:25:59,592 Oh, right. 547 00:25:59,592 --> 00:26:03,029 Oh! Oh! 548 00:26:03,029 --> 00:26:05,699 Please stop! Oh! 549 00:26:05,699 --> 00:26:10,036 Oh! Now, where were we? 550 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:38,064 LADIES AND GENTLEMAN LILY ALLEN 551 00:26:38,064 --> 00:26:45,305 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 552 00:26:45,305 --> 00:26:45,638 ** 553 00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:50,276 ** 554 00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:51,778 * YOU WON'T LOVE ME 555 00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:55,515 YOU WON'T LEAVE ME 556 00:26:55,515 --> 00:26:59,519 YOU DON'T TOUCH ME 557 00:26:59,519 --> 00:27:04,024 STILL SO NEEDY * 558 00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:06,493 * AND I DON'T KNOW IF 559 00:27:06,493 --> 00:27:07,761 YOU DO IT INTENTIONALLY 560 00:27:07,761 --> 00:27:09,262 SOMEHOW YOU MAKE IT 561 00:27:09,262 --> 00:27:14,234 MY FAULT * 562 00:27:14,234 --> 00:27:18,038 * YOU DON'T STOP TALKING 563 00:27:18,038 --> 00:27:24,044 AND I'M JUST SLEEPWALKING * 564 00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:24,744 * COURSE I'M ANGRY 565 00:27:24,744 --> 00:27:25,512 COURSE I'M HURT 566 00:27:25,512 --> 00:27:26,479 LOOKING BACK 567 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:27,247 IT'S SO ABSURD * 568 00:27:27,247 --> 00:27:28,748 * COURSE I TRUSTED YOU 569 00:27:28,748 --> 00:27:30,250 AND TOOK YOU AT YOUR WORD * 570 00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:31,484 * WHO SAID ROMANCE 571 00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:32,752 ISN'T DEAD 572 00:27:32,752 --> 00:27:34,054 BEEN NO ROMANCE 573 00:27:34,054 --> 00:27:39,259 SINCE WE WED * 574 00:27:39,259 --> 00:27:40,060 * WHY AREN'T WE -- 575 00:27:40,060 --> 00:27:41,061 YEAH THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID * 576 00:27:41,061 --> 00:27:42,062 * BUT YOU LET ME THINK 577 00:27:42,062 --> 00:27:43,063 IT WAS ME IN MY HEAD 578 00:27:43,063 --> 00:27:44,731 AND NOTHING TO DO WITH 579 00:27:44,731 --> 00:27:50,270 THEM GIRLS IN YOUR BED * 580 00:27:50,270 --> 00:27:54,507 * YOU DON'T STOP TALKING 581 00:27:54,507 --> 00:27:58,244 AND I'M JUST SLEEPWALKING * 582 00:27:58,244 --> 00:28:01,247 * SEE YOUR THOUGHTS FORMING 583 00:28:01,247 --> 00:28:05,118 BABY STOP IT 584 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:07,120 IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING * 585 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:08,154 * AND I DON'T KNOW IF 586 00:28:08,154 --> 00:28:09,155 YOU DO IT INTENTIONALLY 587 00:28:09,155 --> 00:28:10,156 BUT SOMEHOW YOU MAKE IT 588 00:28:10,156 --> 00:28:14,627 MY FAULT * 589 00:28:14,627 --> 00:28:18,631 * YOU DON'T STOP TALKING 590 00:28:18,631 --> 00:28:24,371 AND I'M JUST 591 00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:24,904 SLEEPWALKING * 592 00:28:24,904 --> 00:28:25,538 * I KNOW YOU'VE MADE ME 593 00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:29,376 YOUR MADONNA 594 00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:33,380 I WANNA BE YOUR WHORE * 595 00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:35,382 * BABY IT WOULD BE MY HONOR 596 00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:36,649 PLEASE SIR 597 00:28:36,649 --> 00:28:42,856 CAN I HAVE SOME MORE * 598 00:28:42,856 --> 00:28:44,357 * I COULD PRESERVE ALL 599 00:28:44,357 --> 00:28:45,892 OF YOUR FANTASIES 600 00:28:45,892 --> 00:28:47,127 IF ONLY YOU COULD 601 00:28:47,127 --> 00:28:50,630 ACT THEM ALL OUT WITH ME * 602 00:28:50,630 --> 00:28:55,602 * YOU DON'T STOP TALKING 603 00:28:55,602 --> 00:28:58,638 AND I'M JUST SLEEPWALKING * 604 00:28:58,638 --> 00:29:00,607 * SEE YOUR THOUGHTS FORMING 605 00:29:00,607 --> 00:29:04,811 BABY STOP IT 606 00:29:04,811 --> 00:29:06,746 IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING * 607 00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:08,281 * AND I DON'T KNOW IF 608 00:29:08,281 --> 00:29:09,749 YOU DO IT INTENTIONALLY 609 00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:11,251 BUT SOMEHOW YOU MAKE IT 610 00:29:11,251 --> 00:29:15,755 MY FAULT * 611 00:29:15,755 --> 00:29:24,764 * YOU DON'T STOP TALKING 612 00:29:24,764 --> 00:29:25,265 AND I'M JUST 613 00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:27,267 SLEEPWALKING-ING * 614 00:29:27,267 --> 00:29:31,237 * YOU WON'T LOVE ME 615 00:29:31,237 --> 00:29:35,308 YOU WON'T LEAVE ME * 616 00:29:35,308 --> 00:29:51,691 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 617 00:30:01,935 --> 00:30:03,470 It's Weekend Update 618 00:30:03,470 --> 00:30:06,473 with Colin Jost and Michael Che. 619 00:30:14,814 --> 00:30:15,548 Thank you. 620 00:30:15,548 --> 00:30:16,483 Good evening everyone. 621 00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:18,051 Welcome the weekend update I'm Michael che. 622 00:30:18,051 --> 00:30:19,486 I'm Colin Jost. 623 00:30:19,486 --> 00:30:24,190 Just this week, President Trump led a rally celebrating 624 00:30:24,190 --> 00:30:25,725 his handling of the economy, 625 00:30:25,725 --> 00:30:29,129 which for some reason, he held at a casino in the Poconos. 626 00:30:29,129 --> 00:30:30,430 Just kind of weird to say. 627 00:30:30,430 --> 00:30:32,932 The future is brighter than ever. Isn't that right? 628 00:30:32,932 --> 00:30:36,770 Woman on oxygen playing the nickel slot. 629 00:30:36,770 --> 00:30:39,472 Trump speech was supposed to focus on the affordability 630 00:30:39,472 --> 00:30:43,343 crisis, but he drifted off topic just a little bit. 631 00:30:43,343 --> 00:30:44,678 They don't use the word chief 632 00:30:44,678 --> 00:30:46,813 of staff anymore because of the Indians. 633 00:30:46,813 --> 00:30:50,483 Can you imagine if Donald Trump married his sister? 634 00:30:50,483 --> 00:30:52,552 Do we love miners? I love miners. 635 00:30:52,552 --> 00:30:52,952 What? 636 00:30:52,952 --> 00:30:55,021 Don't forget 637 00:30:55,021 --> 00:30:58,024 eggs. 638 00:30:59,092 --> 00:30:59,659 I love that 639 00:30:59,959 --> 00:31:01,695 the president lost his train of thought, 640 00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:03,630 and someone in the crowd had to remind him. 641 00:31:03,630 --> 00:31:06,332 His train of thought was eggs. 642 00:31:06,332 --> 00:31:06,733 Sorry. 643 00:31:06,733 --> 00:31:08,468 Eggs. 644 00:31:08,468 --> 00:31:10,303 As you can see from the sign behind him, 645 00:31:10,303 --> 00:31:14,207 the theme of the rally was lower prices, bigger paychecks, 646 00:31:14,207 --> 00:31:16,776 which was much better than his original economic message. 647 00:31:16,776 --> 00:31:17,844 Not my fault. 648 00:31:17,844 --> 00:31:20,680 Sell your blood. 649 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,415 This week, President Trump claimed 650 00:31:22,415 --> 00:31:25,418 that affordability is a new word made up by Democrats 651 00:31:25,418 --> 00:31:26,419 to hurt him. 652 00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:29,389 But if Democrats really wanted to make up a word specifically 653 00:31:29,389 --> 00:31:31,591 to hurt Trump, it would probably be 654 00:31:31,591 --> 00:31:35,295 fatmentia 655 00:31:35,295 --> 00:31:38,298 President Trump also complained about immigrants from countries 656 00:31:38,298 --> 00:31:39,766 like Haiti and ask, 657 00:31:39,766 --> 00:31:42,936 why can't we have some people from Norway instead? 658 00:31:42,936 --> 00:31:46,106 Or how about someone who's Norwegian and Haitian? 659 00:31:46,106 --> 00:31:46,940 Like Times Square? 660 00:31:46,940 --> 00:31:49,943 Elsa. 661 00:31:51,277 --> 00:31:52,145 The Department 662 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:55,281 of Homeland Security posted an image of immigration officers 663 00:31:55,281 --> 00:31:59,786 in Santa hats with the caption, you're going ho ho home. 664 00:31:59,786 --> 00:32:04,591 Even worse, Santa retweeted it. 665 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,730 DHS Secretary Kristi Noem testified before Congress, 666 00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:13,933 where protesters interrupted her by shouting the line, 667 00:32:13,933 --> 00:32:18,672 the power of Christ compels you from the exorcist. 668 00:32:18,672 --> 00:32:21,641 No, mostly ignored them, but did take one quick 669 00:32:21,641 --> 00:32:26,379 look back. 670 00:32:27,313 --> 00:32:28,915 Last week, President Trump hosted 671 00:32:28,915 --> 00:32:30,717 multiple events at the Kennedy Center, 672 00:32:30,717 --> 00:32:34,654 including an award ceremony for Sylvester Stallone, Gloria 673 00:32:34,654 --> 00:32:38,692 Gaynor and rock band kiss, as well as a musical performance 674 00:32:38,692 --> 00:32:41,461 by The Village People. Which raises 675 00:32:41,461 --> 00:32:45,965 the question Is Donald Trump a gay man from 1978? 676 00:32:47,667 --> 00:32:49,536 In a new interview, President Trump said 677 00:32:49,536 --> 00:32:53,506 that Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro days are numbered 678 00:32:53,506 --> 00:32:58,712 as opposed to Trump, whose days are littered. 679 00:33:01,247 --> 00:33:02,949 Trump also said that the proposed merger 680 00:33:02,949 --> 00:33:04,517 between Netflix and Warner Brothers 681 00:33:04,517 --> 00:33:09,389 discovery could be a problem, adding bribe. 682 00:33:10,724 --> 00:33:11,458 In response, 683 00:33:11,925 --> 00:33:16,563 Netflix is offering Trump one night with the Demon Hunters. 684 00:33:17,964 --> 00:33:21,534 The Archdiocese of New York announced that it will set up 685 00:33:21,534 --> 00:33:25,071 a $300 million fund for victims of sex abuse. 686 00:33:25,071 --> 00:33:27,240 The church encourages victims to claim the money 687 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:32,212 by sticking their hand in this here hole. 688 00:33:35,749 --> 00:33:37,784 Okay, okay. 689 00:33:37,784 --> 00:33:40,520 Health officials are reporting a surge in winter 690 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:45,759 vomiting disease, which is better known as santacon. 691 00:33:48,428 --> 00:33:49,562 This crowd's been there. 692 00:33:49,562 --> 00:33:50,730 The holidays. 693 00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:52,198 The holidays are right around the corner. 694 00:33:52,198 --> 00:33:54,467 Many of us will be traveling home to see our families. 695 00:33:54,467 --> 00:33:58,004 Here to comment is our very own Marcello Hernandez. 696 00:33:58,004 --> 00:33:59,739 Hello. 697 00:33:59,739 --> 00:34:02,042 Hello. How are you? 698 00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:03,109 I'm great. I'm great. 699 00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,477 Are you excited for Christmas, Marcella? 700 00:34:04,477 --> 00:34:06,312 Yes, I love Christmas, man. 701 00:34:06,312 --> 00:34:08,081 I can't wait to see the family. 702 00:34:08,081 --> 00:34:11,484 I can't wait to meet the new boyfriends. 703 00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:13,219 Oh, Christmas is the time 704 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:15,121 when someone brings a new boyfriend 705 00:34:15,121 --> 00:34:16,389 and he spends the whole night 706 00:34:16,389 --> 00:34:19,092 pretending to be someone he's not. 707 00:34:19,092 --> 00:34:21,227 This guy's like, I love the food, Mrs. 708 00:34:21,227 --> 00:34:23,296 Hernandez. It's delicious. 709 00:34:23,296 --> 00:34:24,698 You don't like the food, Kyle? 710 00:34:24,698 --> 00:34:28,935 You like having sex with my cousin. 711 00:34:28,935 --> 00:34:31,905 And in my family, there's always an uncle who's 712 00:34:31,905 --> 00:34:35,175 big on giving unsolicited sexual advice. 713 00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:36,242 He's like, hey, you. 714 00:34:36,309 --> 00:34:41,147 Hey, next time you go to the nibble, bite it a little bit 715 00:34:41,147 --> 00:34:47,654 and you're like, I'm 11, man. But. 716 00:34:47,654 --> 00:34:49,956 Bite it, 717 00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:57,797 bite it a little. 718 00:34:57,797 --> 00:35:01,901 So what else do you like about Christmas? 719 00:35:01,901 --> 00:35:05,038 Oh, I love seeing all my younger relatives. 720 00:35:05,038 --> 00:35:06,639 You know, the young ones. 721 00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:08,742 There's two types of little kids on Christmas. 722 00:35:08,742 --> 00:35:11,911 The kind that has an iPad and the kind that you wish 723 00:35:11,945 --> 00:35:13,446 had an iPad. 724 00:35:13,446 --> 00:35:16,383 The kid with an iPad is like a dog with food, you know. 725 00:35:16,383 --> 00:35:17,717 He's fine if you leave him alone. 726 00:35:17,717 --> 00:35:22,422 But if you try to take it away, he's like, oh. 727 00:35:24,824 --> 00:35:25,392 And then 728 00:35:25,692 --> 00:35:27,360 the kid that doesn't have an iPad, he's 729 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,497 just mean, you know, he'll come right up to me and be like, 730 00:35:30,497 --> 00:35:32,599 how come you're a grown up, but you're not tall? 731 00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:36,302 Like one? 732 00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:38,104 Wow. What kind of kid were you? 733 00:35:38,104 --> 00:35:38,838 Which one? 734 00:35:38,905 --> 00:35:41,708 Let's just say I didn't have an iPad. 735 00:35:41,708 --> 00:35:45,378 I used to be so bad that Santa Claus used to call me. 736 00:35:45,378 --> 00:35:48,248 Yeah, like in the summer, 737 00:35:48,248 --> 00:35:51,317 my mom would hand me the phone, and then Saint Nicholas himself 738 00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:56,256 would be like, hey, my cello is me, Santa Claus. 739 00:35:56,256 --> 00:36:00,026 If you don't behave, I'm going to escape your house. 740 00:36:00,026 --> 00:36:02,095 And I'd be like, I'm sorry, Santa, I'll behave. 741 00:36:02,095 --> 00:36:04,898 And then he'd be like that ghetto 742 00:36:04,898 --> 00:36:06,399 in that old car. 743 00:36:06,399 --> 00:36:08,168 Me and my dog, Rudolph. 744 00:36:08,168 --> 00:36:11,171 I love you very much. 745 00:36:11,171 --> 00:36:12,105 That's sweet though. 746 00:36:12,238 --> 00:36:14,441 That's. Yeah, a lot of people used to call me Colin. 747 00:36:14,441 --> 00:36:16,576 Spiderman used to call me Spiderman. 748 00:36:16,576 --> 00:36:18,812 Yes. He'd be like, hey, Marcello, it's me, 749 00:36:18,812 --> 00:36:19,913 your neighborhood friend. 750 00:36:19,913 --> 00:36:21,815 By their man. 751 00:36:21,815 --> 00:36:24,417 And I'm calling you because your mother telling me 752 00:36:24,417 --> 00:36:27,487 that you are climbing on the walls. 753 00:36:27,487 --> 00:36:28,788 You cannot do. 754 00:36:28,788 --> 00:36:32,058 Only I can do that because I was bitten 755 00:36:32,058 --> 00:36:35,495 by a radioactive spider. 756 00:36:35,495 --> 00:36:38,698 I think that when me and my brother Superman. 757 00:36:38,698 --> 00:36:40,967 I love you very much. 758 00:36:40,967 --> 00:36:43,436 Yeah, I'm not sure that was actually Superman. 759 00:36:43,436 --> 00:36:44,671 Spider man. 760 00:36:44,671 --> 00:36:45,372 It doesn't matter. 761 00:36:45,372 --> 00:36:47,273 I still get a lot of these calls. 762 00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,443 Listen to this voicemail that Lauren left me. 763 00:36:50,443 --> 00:36:51,111 Hey, Michelle. 764 00:36:51,244 --> 00:36:53,346 It's me, your boss, Lorne Michaels. 765 00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:55,715 I'm calling you because your mother telling me 766 00:36:55,715 --> 00:36:57,817 that you're not spending enough time with her. 767 00:37:00,820 --> 00:37:01,788 Blah blah blah. 768 00:37:01,855 --> 00:37:04,758 Me and my brother, Jimmy Fallon love you very much. 769 00:37:06,726 --> 00:37:09,462 Brother Jimmy Fallon, I don't know. 770 00:37:09,462 --> 00:37:11,531 All right, well, let's get back to the holidays, okay? 771 00:37:11,531 --> 00:37:17,437 I'm assuming you have, like, a big Latin Christmas. 772 00:37:17,437 --> 00:37:19,673 Don't do that, Colin. 773 00:37:19,673 --> 00:37:22,042 But yes, I do. 774 00:37:22,042 --> 00:37:23,443 You know, it's the Latin Christmas. 775 00:37:23,443 --> 00:37:25,178 We eat pork, we dance. 776 00:37:25,178 --> 00:37:27,047 And at the end of the night, my mom's like 777 00:37:27,047 --> 00:37:28,481 you know what I want for Christmas? 778 00:37:28,481 --> 00:37:30,183 A grandchild. 779 00:37:30,183 --> 00:37:33,953 But you won't give me one because you hate me. 780 00:37:33,953 --> 00:37:36,056 You guys watch any Christmas movies? Yes. 781 00:37:36,056 --> 00:37:38,291 Of course. We used to always watch home Alone. 782 00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:41,861 And as a Latino kid, that movie was unbelievable. 783 00:37:41,861 --> 00:37:45,165 Because this kid misses the plane, destroys the house, 784 00:37:45,165 --> 00:37:46,833 and ruins their vacation. 785 00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:54,407 And somehow, this movie doesn't end in a historic ass beating. 786 00:37:54,407 --> 00:37:56,142 In the first scene of this movie, 787 00:37:56,142 --> 00:37:58,178 the mom's like, go to your room, Kevin. 788 00:37:58,178 --> 00:38:00,080 And he goes, shut up, mom. 789 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:00,580 And I'm like, 790 00:38:01,114 --> 00:38:04,851 if that was about me, that's where the movie ends. 791 00:38:04,851 --> 00:38:08,154 Roll the credits in memory 792 00:38:08,154 --> 00:38:11,224 Marcela Hernandez. 793 00:38:16,563 --> 00:38:18,365 I wonder 794 00:38:18,365 --> 00:38:20,367 if spider man, I like that. 795 00:38:20,367 --> 00:38:22,502 According to a new report, people in Long Island 796 00:38:22,502 --> 00:38:23,436 spend more money 797 00:38:23,636 --> 00:38:27,941 on only fans than some entire eastern European nations, 798 00:38:27,941 --> 00:38:31,044 because Eastern Europeans are too busy working 799 00:38:31,044 --> 00:38:34,214 on only fans. 800 00:38:34,214 --> 00:38:36,282 The Golden Globe nominations were announced, 801 00:38:36,282 --> 00:38:38,251 with the most nominations going to the movie 802 00:38:38,251 --> 00:38:41,788 One Battle After Another and the very exciting 803 00:38:41,788 --> 00:38:45,125 and the least nominations going to Michael Che's Hold Up. 804 00:38:45,125 --> 00:38:50,063 Madea Got a Daughter. 805 00:38:53,833 --> 00:38:56,636 A video has gone viral of a runaway horse 806 00:38:56,636 --> 00:39:00,607 in New York City galloping down a highway near JFK airport, 807 00:39:00,607 --> 00:39:04,911 and good news, he made his flight. 808 00:39:07,013 --> 00:39:10,083 I thought you'd like that more. 809 00:39:10,083 --> 00:39:12,118 A photo has gone viral of a group 810 00:39:12,118 --> 00:39:14,020 of eight students from San Jose 811 00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:17,323 forming a human swastika while laying on their high school's 812 00:39:17,323 --> 00:39:18,358 football field. 813 00:39:18,458 --> 00:39:24,030 Even crazier, it was the result of a skydiving accident. 814 00:39:26,232 --> 00:39:30,403 I knew you wouldn't like that one. 815 00:39:30,403 --> 00:39:33,173 Police in Florida arrested two men and a woman. 816 00:39:33,173 --> 00:39:37,844 Good luck guessing which is which. 817 00:39:37,844 --> 00:39:39,045 After they were discovered 818 00:39:39,045 --> 00:39:42,549 having drunken sex in a Winn-Dixie parking lot. 819 00:39:42,549 --> 00:39:45,485 The trio was immediately transported to a waffle 820 00:39:45,485 --> 00:39:48,722 House parking lot. 821 00:39:48,722 --> 00:39:50,757 A new bill has been proposed in Congress 822 00:39:50,757 --> 00:39:54,794 that would require fathers to pay 50% of medical expenses 823 00:39:54,794 --> 00:39:57,330 for a woman's pregnancy and delivery. 824 00:39:57,330 --> 00:39:57,897 Fine. 825 00:39:57,897 --> 00:40:01,267 But then I'm out. 826 00:40:03,336 --> 00:40:04,437 Pantone announced that 827 00:40:04,437 --> 00:40:05,472 their color of the year is 828 00:40:05,472 --> 00:40:06,573 Cloud Dancer, 829 00:40:06,573 --> 00:40:09,442 which they call a billowy, balanced white 830 00:40:09,442 --> 00:40:12,612 imbued with a feeling of serenity, a description 831 00:40:12,612 --> 00:40:16,483 they stole from my old Bumble profile. 832 00:40:20,653 --> 00:40:23,623 Well, there are many theories about how society as we know 833 00:40:23,623 --> 00:40:26,860 it could end here with a stern warning about the future 834 00:40:26,860 --> 00:40:32,065 is our own Jane Wickline 835 00:40:32,065 --> 00:40:33,299 Hello. 836 00:40:33,299 --> 00:40:35,735 Thanks for having me. Hi, Jane. 837 00:40:35,735 --> 00:40:36,903 So we don't have much time 838 00:40:36,970 --> 00:40:39,973 left as a species, so I'm just going to get right into my song. 839 00:40:39,973 --> 00:40:41,074 Oh, well, if you don't have that much 840 00:40:41,074 --> 00:40:43,109 time, maybe you shouldn't do a whole song. 841 00:40:43,109 --> 00:40:46,446 This is called the greatest threat to humanity right now. 842 00:40:46,446 --> 00:40:49,616 And we're programing 843 00:40:49,616 --> 00:40:52,952 monsters we will lose control of soon. 844 00:40:52,952 --> 00:40:58,024 They're taking every job, and singularity is approaching 845 00:40:58,024 --> 00:40:59,859 when they get smarter than us. 846 00:40:59,859 --> 00:41:02,562 Will they be our doom? 847 00:41:02,562 --> 00:41:04,464 I think we all know the topic. 848 00:41:04,464 --> 00:41:06,733 I am broaching. 849 00:41:06,733 --> 00:41:09,169 We don't have much time left to stop them. 850 00:41:09,169 --> 00:41:13,173 We must kill them while they're still weak. 851 00:41:13,173 --> 00:41:14,674 But child actors 852 00:41:14,674 --> 00:41:18,712 from Stranger Things. 853 00:41:18,712 --> 00:41:19,913 They are adults now. 854 00:41:19,913 --> 00:41:23,850 We have to destroy them before they destroy everything 855 00:41:23,850 --> 00:41:27,120 that child actors from Stranger Things. 856 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,122 I can't really fight. You're talking about AI. 857 00:41:29,122 --> 00:41:31,725 AI AI is just a distraction. 858 00:41:31,725 --> 00:41:35,261 The real threat here is Sadie Sink 859 00:41:35,261 --> 00:41:35,628 and her 860 00:41:36,096 --> 00:41:39,466 child costars on Stranger Things. 861 00:41:39,466 --> 00:41:41,701 Stranger things is ending. 862 00:41:41,701 --> 00:41:44,304 They'll have so much free time. 863 00:41:44,304 --> 00:41:46,706 What if they grow self-aware? 864 00:41:46,706 --> 00:41:49,209 We need to keep them occupied. 865 00:41:49,209 --> 00:41:50,744 They can mobilize their followers. 866 00:41:50,744 --> 00:41:51,911 60 million followers. 867 00:41:51,911 --> 00:41:55,115 We need to keep them occupied. 868 00:41:55,115 --> 00:41:58,318 I just don't understand what you think the danger is. 869 00:41:58,318 --> 00:42:00,587 The Stranger Things kids use a cubic 870 00:42:00,587 --> 00:42:04,691 mile of water every minute. 871 00:42:04,691 --> 00:42:07,394 If there's a Hellgate Max, a rider belongs in. 872 00:42:07,394 --> 00:42:09,229 Oh my God. 873 00:42:09,229 --> 00:42:14,067 That's flashing the environment and killing the economy. 874 00:42:14,067 --> 00:42:17,337 Finn Wolfhard is the devil to me. 875 00:42:17,337 --> 00:42:18,271 He's the devil. 876 00:42:18,271 --> 00:42:19,739 The six of them are in the room 877 00:42:19,739 --> 00:42:23,777 right now, preparing to seize the next election. 878 00:42:23,777 --> 00:42:26,079 And for these reasons, I stand with the fact 879 00:42:26,079 --> 00:42:29,082 that. 880 00:42:29,082 --> 00:42:30,250 These kids are harmless. 881 00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:32,085 All they do is like going hot ones. 882 00:42:32,085 --> 00:42:34,754 Calling things that start funny can get important. 883 00:42:34,754 --> 00:42:36,589 Joe Rogan used to make people eat bugs, 884 00:42:36,589 --> 00:42:40,460 and now he's the president of the United States. 885 00:42:40,460 --> 00:42:42,796 Everyone's focused on Stranger Things, 886 00:42:42,796 --> 00:42:45,131 and they're ignoring the stranger thing 887 00:42:45,131 --> 00:42:46,633 of the strangers on the internet, 888 00:42:46,633 --> 00:42:48,268 thinking those six strange kids 889 00:42:48,268 --> 00:42:50,503 aren't a danger, but they're the devil. 890 00:42:50,503 --> 00:42:52,706 We're straying from the truth. But I have a plan. 891 00:42:52,706 --> 00:42:53,473 I'll tie some cheese 892 00:42:53,473 --> 00:42:55,308 to a string. But a stick under a box 893 00:42:55,308 --> 00:42:57,377 big enough to catch six strange kids. 894 00:42:57,377 --> 00:43:00,080 I'll be a hero. I will win an award. 895 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,449 You stopped the apocalypse, president. 896 00:43:02,449 --> 00:43:05,518 Chat bot will beam at me as we spend on the brains 897 00:43:05,518 --> 00:43:08,788 of the six strange kids and make them to, 898 00:43:08,788 --> 00:43:12,058 They can join the cast of all spin 899 00:43:12,058 --> 00:43:12,959 Jane Wickline 900 00:43:12,959 --> 00:43:14,661 Everybody. 901 00:43:14,661 --> 00:43:16,296 And they brought me back. 902 00:43:16,296 --> 00:43:20,800 For Weekend Update Goodnight! 903 00:43:32,846 --> 00:43:35,548 >>> TO CELEBRATE THE SUCCESS OF 904 00:43:35,548 --> 00:43:37,183 "WICKED FOR GOOD," UNIVERSAL 905 00:43:37,183 --> 00:43:38,685 PICTURES IS RELEASING SPECIAL 906 00:43:38,685 --> 00:43:39,953 DELETED FOOTAGE FROM THE MOVIE 907 00:43:39,953 --> 00:43:42,589 THAT STARTED IT ALL, 1939'S "THE 908 00:43:42,589 --> 00:43:44,691 WIZARD OF OZ." 909 00:43:44,691 --> 00:43:48,395 >> WE'RE HERE! 910 00:43:48,395 --> 00:43:51,865 >> OH, I'M SCARED, DOROTHY! 911 00:43:51,865 --> 00:43:54,601 >> I AM OZ! 912 00:43:54,601 --> 00:43:57,370 THE GREAT AND POWERFUL! 913 00:43:57,370 --> 00:44:01,875 WHO ARE YOU? 914 00:44:01,875 --> 00:44:05,045 >> OH -- MY NAME IS DOROTHY. 915 00:44:05,045 --> 00:44:05,612 THE LITTLE AND WHITE. 916 00:44:05,612 --> 00:44:08,848 AND WE COME TO ASK -- 917 00:44:08,848 --> 00:44:09,349 >> SHUT UP, GIRL. 918 00:44:09,349 --> 00:44:11,084 [ LAUGHTER ] 919 00:44:11,084 --> 00:44:12,585 THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ KNOWS 920 00:44:12,585 --> 00:44:14,854 EXACTLY WHY YOU'VE COME. 921 00:44:14,854 --> 00:44:19,592 STEP FORWARD, TIN MAN. 922 00:44:19,592 --> 00:44:22,095 YOU DARE TO ASK ME FOR A HEART? 923 00:44:22,095 --> 00:44:26,266 >> UM -- WELL, YES, SIR. 924 00:44:26,266 --> 00:44:28,735 YOU SEE, IF I COULD LOVE -- 925 00:44:28,735 --> 00:44:29,235 >> SILENCE! 926 00:44:29,235 --> 00:44:32,072 AND YOU, SCARECROW. 927 00:44:32,072 --> 00:44:34,741 YOU DARE ASK ME FOR A BRAIN? 928 00:44:34,741 --> 00:44:36,076 >> YES, YOUR HONOR. 929 00:44:36,076 --> 00:44:37,210 PLEASE. 930 00:44:37,210 --> 00:44:38,945 >> YOU STUPID DUMBASS! 931 00:44:38,945 --> 00:44:39,479 [ LAUGHTER ] 932 00:44:39,479 --> 00:44:44,084 AND YOU. 933 00:44:44,084 --> 00:44:44,751 IS THAT LION I SEE? 934 00:44:44,751 --> 00:44:45,485 >> NO! 935 00:44:45,485 --> 00:44:49,589 DOROTHY, HIDE ME! 936 00:44:49,589 --> 00:44:50,323 >> I BET I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU 937 00:44:50,323 --> 00:44:51,624 WANT. 938 00:44:51,624 --> 00:44:52,359 >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT OUT 939 00:44:52,359 --> 00:44:54,094 LOUD. 940 00:44:54,094 --> 00:44:57,397 >> OH, IT'S OKAY, LION. 941 00:44:57,397 --> 00:45:00,367 >> THIS PATHETIC BAG OF FUR CAME 942 00:45:00,367 --> 00:45:05,338 ALL THIS WAY JUST TO ASK ME FOR 943 00:45:05,338 --> 00:45:05,805 A BIG OLD THING. 944 00:45:05,805 --> 00:45:08,108 [ LAUGHTER ] 945 00:45:08,108 --> 00:45:09,876 >> A BIG OLD THING? 946 00:45:09,876 --> 00:45:10,610 >> MR. OZ, YOU'VE GOT THAT ALL 947 00:45:10,610 --> 00:45:13,046 WRONG. 948 00:45:13,046 --> 00:45:13,880 >> YEAH. 949 00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:17,851 [ LAUGHTER ] 950 00:45:17,851 --> 00:45:19,619 >> MY FRIEND LION IS ONLY 951 00:45:19,619 --> 00:45:21,855 LOOKING FOR SOME COURAGE. 952 00:45:21,855 --> 00:45:22,655 >> COURAGE? 953 00:45:22,655 --> 00:45:23,590 IS THAT WHAT HE TOLD YOU? 954 00:45:23,590 --> 00:45:27,127 YEAH, RIGHT. 955 00:45:27,127 --> 00:45:31,664 THIS PSYCHO IS LOOKING FOR, AND 956 00:45:31,664 --> 00:45:33,099 I QUOTE, A BIG OLD THING LONG 957 00:45:33,099 --> 00:45:34,434 ENOUGH TO SEE FROM SPACE. 958 00:45:34,434 --> 00:45:34,834 [ LAUGHTER ] 959 00:45:35,068 --> 00:45:35,502 >> WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT, 960 00:45:35,502 --> 00:45:35,869 LION? 961 00:45:35,935 --> 00:45:37,370 >> I DON'T KNOW. 962 00:45:37,370 --> 00:45:38,104 MAYBE MIXING ME UP WITH 963 00:45:38,104 --> 00:45:38,838 SOMEBODY. 964 00:45:38,838 --> 00:45:39,606 >> I GOT ALL HIS LETTERS RIGHT 965 00:45:39,606 --> 00:45:41,207 HERE. 966 00:45:41,207 --> 00:45:41,741 [ LAUGHTER ] 967 00:45:41,908 --> 00:45:43,743 HE'S BEEN WRITING ME FOR MONTHS. 968 00:45:43,743 --> 00:45:46,980 THIS ONE SAYS, "DEAR MR. OZ. 969 00:45:46,980 --> 00:45:48,248 IT'S YA BOY LION AGAIN, AND I 970 00:45:48,248 --> 00:45:50,250 REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD BLESS ME 971 00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:55,321 WITH A BIG OLD THANG THAT I CAN 972 00:45:55,321 --> 00:45:56,089 DRAG ACROSS THE SAND AND SPELL 973 00:45:56,089 --> 00:45:57,223 MY NAME." 974 00:45:57,223 --> 00:45:57,991 >> JESUS, MAN. 975 00:45:57,991 --> 00:45:58,758 >> OR THIS ONE. 976 00:45:58,758 --> 00:46:01,227 "HEY, OZ. 977 00:46:01,227 --> 00:46:03,496 IT'S ME, A SICK LITTLE GIRL, AND 978 00:46:03,496 --> 00:46:07,033 MY LAST DYING WISH IS FOR MY 979 00:46:07,033 --> 00:46:08,034 FRIEND, LION, TO HAVE A THANG SO 980 00:46:08,034 --> 00:46:11,037 BIG, MUNCHKINS CAN USE IT FOR A 981 00:46:11,037 --> 00:46:13,139 PULL-UP BAR. 982 00:46:13,139 --> 00:46:13,540 [ LAUGHTER ] 983 00:46:13,606 --> 00:46:14,107 SINCERELY, LION." 984 00:46:14,207 --> 00:46:18,845 >> WHAT'S THAT EVEN MEAN? 985 00:46:18,845 --> 00:46:19,346 OH, MY GOD! 986 00:46:19,346 --> 00:46:20,880 WE CAN ASK FOR THAT? 987 00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:21,614 [ LAUGHTER ] 988 00:46:21,614 --> 00:46:22,382 >> ASK FOR WHAT? 989 00:46:22,382 --> 00:46:24,384 >> OH, NOTHING, DOROTHY. 990 00:46:24,384 --> 00:46:29,222 >> OH, COME ON, FELLAS, TELL ME. 991 00:46:29,222 --> 00:46:29,856 DOES A BIG OLD THING MEAN 992 00:46:29,856 --> 00:46:30,757 COURAGE? 993 00:46:30,757 --> 00:46:31,691 >> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. 994 00:46:31,691 --> 00:46:32,859 [ LAUGHTER ] 995 00:46:32,859 --> 00:46:33,626 >> BUT LION, DON'T TELL HER 996 00:46:33,626 --> 00:46:34,361 THAT. 997 00:46:34,361 --> 00:46:36,963 >> WELL, LOOK, GUYS. 998 00:46:36,963 --> 00:46:37,630 I HAVE A VERY RARE MEDICAL 999 00:46:37,630 --> 00:46:38,465 CONDITION. 1000 00:46:38,465 --> 00:46:39,232 IT'S CALLED HAVING THE SMALLEST 1001 00:46:39,232 --> 00:46:43,269 THING IN OZ. 1002 00:46:43,269 --> 00:46:44,738 >> HOW SMALL COULD IT BE? 1003 00:46:44,738 --> 00:46:45,505 >> WELL, I'M STANDING HERE BUCK 1004 00:46:45,505 --> 00:46:48,375 NAKED THIS WHOLE TIME. 1005 00:46:48,375 --> 00:46:48,775 [ LAUGHTER ] 1006 00:46:49,075 --> 00:46:49,843 AND NOBODY'S FREAKED OUT ONCE. 1007 00:46:49,843 --> 00:46:50,610 YOU AIN'T GOT TO BLUR IT OR 1008 00:46:50,610 --> 00:46:51,678 NOTHING. 1009 00:46:51,678 --> 00:46:52,078 [ LAUGHTER ] 1010 00:46:52,078 --> 00:46:52,612 >> WOW. 1011 00:46:52,712 --> 00:46:53,279 I GUESS WE HAVEN'T NOTICED. 1012 00:46:53,279 --> 00:46:53,880 >> EXACTLY. 1013 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,882 YOU SEE? 1014 00:46:55,882 --> 00:46:56,850 I NEED THIS, MR. OZ, SO THAT I 1015 00:46:56,850 --> 00:46:58,351 CAN FINALLY WALK BACK TO MY 1016 00:46:58,351 --> 00:47:00,120 JUNGLE WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH 1017 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:01,121 AND MY BIG OLD THING SWINGING 1018 00:47:01,121 --> 00:47:02,655 LIKE A CHURCH BELL. 1019 00:47:02,655 --> 00:47:04,357 [ LAUGHTER ] 1020 00:47:04,357 --> 00:47:05,625 >> WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST TELL US 1021 00:47:05,625 --> 00:47:07,861 THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED? 1022 00:47:07,861 --> 00:47:11,631 >> BECAUSE I'M A COWARD, DUH. 1023 00:47:11,631 --> 00:47:12,365 PLUS, I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING 1024 00:47:12,365 --> 00:47:13,099 TO SAY IT OUT LOUD IN FRONT OF 1025 00:47:13,099 --> 00:47:13,867 EVERYBODY. 1026 00:47:13,867 --> 00:47:15,869 >> OH, PLEASE. 1027 00:47:15,869 --> 00:47:16,603 YOU'VE BEEN HERE LIKE EIGHT 1028 00:47:16,603 --> 00:47:17,871 TIMES, MAN. 1029 00:47:17,871 --> 00:47:18,605 ASKING FOR THE SAME THING. 1030 00:47:18,605 --> 00:47:22,375 YOU KNOW HOW THIS GOES. 1031 00:47:22,375 --> 00:47:24,077 >> YOU'VE BEEN HERE EIGHT TIMES? 1032 00:47:24,077 --> 00:47:29,349 >> SILENCE! 1033 00:47:29,349 --> 00:47:30,383 THE BENEVOLENT OZ HAS EVERY 1034 00:47:30,383 --> 00:47:31,117 INTENTION OF GRANTING ALL OF YOU 1035 00:47:31,117 --> 00:47:33,353 YOUR REQUESTS. 1036 00:47:33,353 --> 00:47:34,621 >> FOR REAL? 1037 00:47:34,621 --> 00:47:38,191 >> REALLY? 1038 00:47:38,191 --> 00:47:38,892 >> OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, 1039 00:47:38,892 --> 00:47:39,492 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 1040 00:47:39,492 --> 00:47:40,060 >> YES. 1041 00:47:40,193 --> 00:47:40,960 BUT FIRST, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO -- 1042 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:41,661 >> PERMISSION TO CHANGE MINE, 1043 00:47:41,661 --> 00:47:42,495 SIR! 1044 00:47:42,495 --> 00:47:45,065 >> WHAT? 1045 00:47:45,065 --> 00:47:46,733 >> PERMISSION TO CHANGE MY WISH 1046 00:47:46,733 --> 00:47:48,068 FROM BRAINS TO A BIG OLD THING 1047 00:47:48,068 --> 00:47:48,868 TOO, SIR. 1048 00:47:48,868 --> 00:47:50,370 [ LAUGHTER ] 1049 00:47:50,370 --> 00:47:52,105 I MAY NOT BE VERY SMART, BUT I 1050 00:47:52,105 --> 00:47:54,341 KNOW I WANT A BIG OLD BROOMSTICK 1051 00:47:54,341 --> 00:47:56,376 THAT CAN FIT THREE WITCHES! 1052 00:47:56,376 --> 00:47:58,111 >> BUT SCARECROW, WOULDN'T YOU 1053 00:47:58,111 --> 00:47:59,612 RATHER HAVE A BRAIN SO YOU CAN 1054 00:47:59,612 --> 00:48:01,114 READ BOOKS AND COUNT NUMBERS? 1055 00:48:01,114 --> 00:48:03,183 >> NO. 1056 00:48:03,183 --> 00:48:03,583 [ LAUGHTER ] 1057 00:48:03,583 --> 00:48:04,117 >> NO? 1058 00:48:04,117 --> 00:48:05,118 >> DOROTHY. 1059 00:48:05,118 --> 00:48:07,087 LOOK AT ME. 1060 00:48:07,087 --> 00:48:10,090 NO. 1061 00:48:10,090 --> 00:48:10,890 >> I'D LIKE TO CHANGE MINE TOO, 1062 00:48:10,890 --> 00:48:12,859 SIR. 1063 00:48:12,859 --> 00:48:13,593 >> BUT TIN MAN, WHAT ABOUT YOUR 1064 00:48:13,593 --> 00:48:17,630 HEART? 1065 00:48:17,630 --> 00:48:18,631 >> WELL, OF COURSE I'LL STILL 1066 00:48:18,631 --> 00:48:20,133 NEED A HEART. 1067 00:48:20,133 --> 00:48:28,608 SO I CAN PUMP ENOUGH BLOOD TO 1068 00:48:28,608 --> 00:48:29,609 THAT NEW BIG OLD WINBANYAMA! 1069 00:48:29,609 --> 00:48:30,643 >> FINE, THREE BIG OLD THINGS IT 1070 00:48:30,643 --> 00:48:34,748 IS. 1071 00:48:34,748 --> 00:48:35,515 AND AS FOR YOU, DOROTHY -- OH, 1072 00:48:35,515 --> 00:48:36,349 NO. 1073 00:48:36,349 --> 00:48:37,117 DON'T TELL ME THE DOG WANTS A 1074 00:48:37,117 --> 00:48:41,388 BIG OLD THING TOO. 1075 00:48:46,059 --> 00:48:47,594 >> TOTO! 1076 00:48:47,594 --> 00:48:48,595 >> TOTO! 1077 00:48:48,595 --> 00:48:49,362 >> TOTO! 1078 00:48:49,362 --> 00:48:50,130 >> BUT SERIOUSLY, I NEED YOU ALL 1079 00:48:50,130 --> 00:48:51,364 TO MURDER A LADY FOR ME. 1080 00:48:51,364 --> 00:48:53,600 HA HA HA! 1081 00:48:53,600 --> 00:49:02,242 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1082 00:49:05,512 --> 00:49:08,381 * BRAD BRAD BRAD BRAD AND HIS 1083 00:49:08,381 --> 00:49:09,716 DAD * 1084 00:49:09,716 --> 00:49:11,484 >> I'M DIVORCED. 1085 00:49:11,484 --> 00:49:13,019 Okay, great. Great. Great. 1086 00:49:13,019 --> 00:49:16,022 These are. 1087 00:49:16,022 --> 00:49:16,523 Questions. 1088 00:49:16,523 --> 00:49:17,357 Not long. 1089 00:49:17,357 --> 00:49:21,027 That's fine. 1090 00:49:21,027 --> 00:49:24,064 Hey, bud, let's take a little hack stacker break, okay? 1091 00:49:24,064 --> 00:49:26,232 Sure. Hot on this. 1092 00:49:26,232 --> 00:49:28,935 Thanks for coming to get a Christmas tree with me, bud. 1093 00:49:28,935 --> 00:49:30,370 You're welcome. 1094 00:49:30,370 --> 00:49:32,605 Hey. What's wrong kiddo? 1095 00:49:32,605 --> 00:49:35,308 I wish I got to see you on Christmas. 1096 00:49:35,308 --> 00:49:37,510 I know, buddy, but it's your mom's year, 1097 00:49:37,510 --> 00:49:39,879 and, hey, I'll see you the week after. 1098 00:49:39,879 --> 00:49:43,149 And you know the best thing about Christmas, kiddo? It's a 1099 00:49:43,149 --> 00:49:44,084 jackass. 1100 00:49:44,084 --> 00:49:47,487 I hear you got kids in the car. 1101 00:49:47,487 --> 00:49:50,256 I still my prime. 1102 00:49:50,256 --> 00:49:53,159 All right, bud, let's find a tree. 1103 00:49:53,159 --> 00:49:55,128 Grab your jacket, Brad. Skull. 1104 00:49:55,128 --> 00:49:55,929 I'm fine. 1105 00:49:55,929 --> 00:49:58,631 I'm not cold. 1106 00:49:58,631 --> 00:50:01,501 Dad. I'm cold. 1107 00:50:01,501 --> 00:50:01,801 Yeah. 1108 00:50:01,968 --> 00:50:03,737 You're good, but. 1109 00:50:03,737 --> 00:50:04,204 Yeah. 1110 00:50:04,404 --> 00:50:06,039 This is Primo Pine right here. 1111 00:50:06,039 --> 00:50:07,807 Yeah, this is the one. 1112 00:50:07,807 --> 00:50:09,976 Hey, Brad, you want to do the honors? 1113 00:50:09,976 --> 00:50:10,777 Really? 1114 00:50:10,777 --> 00:50:14,881 Yeah. 1115 00:50:14,881 --> 00:50:16,716 I can. 1116 00:50:16,716 --> 00:50:18,184 How's it going down there? 1117 00:50:18,184 --> 00:50:20,253 Can't guess. 1118 00:50:20,253 --> 00:50:20,487 Yeah. 1119 00:50:21,454 --> 00:50:24,557 Try to keep it in one try and make one cut because it's sap. 1120 00:50:24,557 --> 00:50:28,628 So sticky, hard to harness. 1121 00:50:28,628 --> 00:50:33,099 You know, buddy, one on our tag in here. 1122 00:50:33,099 --> 00:50:34,401 Who's that bud? 1123 00:50:34,401 --> 00:50:38,204 That's Emily, the prettiest girl in my class. 1124 00:50:38,204 --> 00:50:40,740 Got it. 1125 00:50:40,740 --> 00:50:43,610 Okay. Should I go rinse her up? 1126 00:50:43,610 --> 00:50:44,344 Yeah. Bad. 1127 00:50:44,344 --> 00:50:46,513 Do your thing. Go. Right. Go. 1128 00:50:46,513 --> 00:50:48,682 These are down two. 1129 00:50:48,682 --> 00:50:49,949 Hey, Emily. 1130 00:50:49,949 --> 00:50:53,019 Hi, Brad. 1131 00:50:53,019 --> 00:50:54,921 Okay. 1132 00:50:54,921 --> 00:50:58,525 See the side 1133 00:50:58,525 --> 00:51:02,395 six and. 1134 00:51:02,395 --> 00:51:06,633 Love six. 1135 00:51:06,633 --> 00:51:07,667 Okay, bye. 1136 00:51:07,667 --> 00:51:09,869 Bye, Brad. 1137 00:51:09,869 --> 00:51:12,872 Hey, I'm back. Oh. 1138 00:51:12,872 --> 00:51:14,374 But are you okay? 1139 00:51:14,374 --> 00:51:16,343 I'm fine. 1140 00:51:16,343 --> 00:51:16,876 All right. 1141 00:51:16,876 --> 00:51:18,578 Mission accomplished. 1142 00:51:18,578 --> 00:51:19,079 Oh, Brad. 1143 00:51:19,479 --> 00:51:21,815 Look, if your girl Farrell honk, you wave. 1144 00:51:21,815 --> 00:51:24,217 Don't! Dad. Your burst. Me? 1145 00:51:24,217 --> 00:51:25,719 Oh! Come on. 1146 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:29,856 Hey, Mary. Did. 1147 00:51:29,856 --> 00:51:31,157 Oh, fan. 1148 00:51:31,157 --> 00:51:32,492 Tastic. 1149 00:51:41,134 --> 00:51:43,403 Hey, pal. 1150 00:51:43,403 --> 00:51:45,538 Hey, dad. Merry Christmas. Guess what. 1151 00:51:45,538 --> 00:51:48,541 Oh. All right, let's, turn the volume down a little bit. 1152 00:51:48,541 --> 00:51:51,244 That, had a couple eggnog at Sharkey's last night. 1153 00:51:51,244 --> 00:51:52,112 Oh, sorry. 1154 00:51:52,412 --> 00:51:55,115 And Shannon has diarrhea, so we're not going there anymore. 1155 00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:58,184 And mom said that I could come to your house today. 1156 00:51:58,184 --> 00:51:59,386 Really? 1157 00:51:59,386 --> 00:52:01,521 Well, that's a Christmas miracle. 1158 00:52:01,521 --> 00:52:04,524 Merry Christmas, that merry Christmas, son. 1159 00:52:07,627 --> 00:52:09,429 All right, 1160 00:52:09,429 --> 00:52:10,597 you gotta go. 1161 00:52:10,597 --> 00:52:12,098 I think it's coming over. 1162 00:52:12,098 --> 00:52:14,601 Oh, my God, you have a kid. 1163 00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,249 This final is going to be brutal. 1164 00:52:29,249 --> 00:52:32,118 Professor Hamner is notorious. 1165 00:52:32,118 --> 00:52:33,887 Do we want to share our notes? 1166 00:52:33,887 --> 00:52:34,821 You guys can. 1167 00:52:34,821 --> 00:52:37,290 I didn't take any, cause I knew it already. 1168 00:52:37,290 --> 00:52:39,759 Simon. Dude, you are unreal. 1169 00:52:39,759 --> 00:52:41,094 I can't believe you're in college. 1170 00:52:41,094 --> 00:52:42,829 And you're only 12. 1171 00:52:42,829 --> 00:52:43,730 It's chill. 1172 00:52:43,730 --> 00:52:46,599 I'm just like you guys work hard. Play hard. 1173 00:52:46,599 --> 00:52:48,268 No, you're way smarter. 1174 00:52:48,268 --> 00:52:50,503 Yeah, you can be our professor. 1175 00:52:50,503 --> 00:52:51,705 Probably will be soon. 1176 00:52:51,705 --> 00:52:53,406 If I stay in academia. 1177 00:52:53,406 --> 00:52:56,643 That is so badass. Oh, sorry. 1178 00:52:56,643 --> 00:52:58,378 Is it okay if we swear in front of you? 1179 00:52:58,378 --> 00:53:00,647 Of course. You effing can. 1180 00:53:00,647 --> 00:53:01,481 I heard it all. 1181 00:53:01,581 --> 00:53:03,450 Anyway, I mean, if you guys have questions. 1182 00:53:03,450 --> 00:53:06,286 Sorry. Not if. When. 1183 00:53:06,286 --> 00:53:06,953 Hey, hun. 1184 00:53:07,087 --> 00:53:08,621 Hope your study group's going okay. 1185 00:53:08,621 --> 00:53:11,658 I gotta get out of here. Heather. 1186 00:53:11,658 --> 00:53:14,294 I have a meal plan. Heather. 1187 00:53:14,294 --> 00:53:14,961 Don't embarrass me. 1188 00:53:14,961 --> 00:53:16,262 Heather. 1189 00:53:16,262 --> 00:53:17,130 What's in it? 1190 00:53:17,130 --> 00:53:19,065 A personal favorite strawberry. 1191 00:53:19,065 --> 00:53:19,799 Oh. Leave it. 1192 00:53:19,799 --> 00:53:24,904 Oh, hey, do. 1193 00:53:24,904 --> 00:53:27,907 So. Where are we going for spring break? 1194 00:53:27,907 --> 00:53:29,576 Simon, are you okay? 1195 00:53:29,576 --> 00:53:30,710 Yeah. How? 1196 00:53:30,710 --> 00:53:33,980 If we do Miami, we can get there by train. 1197 00:53:33,980 --> 00:53:35,915 Was that your mom? 1198 00:53:35,915 --> 00:53:36,783 What? 1199 00:53:36,783 --> 00:53:38,551 No, that'd be weird. 1200 00:53:38,551 --> 00:53:40,120 I'm just like you guys. 1201 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,255 I live in the dorms. I have a roommate. 1202 00:53:42,255 --> 00:53:43,456 I shower in my shoes. 1203 00:53:43,456 --> 00:53:45,892 My balls are happenin. 1204 00:53:45,892 --> 00:53:48,194 Oh, who's your roommate? 1205 00:53:48,194 --> 00:53:51,598 Who's the random older woman they put me with? 1206 00:53:51,598 --> 00:53:54,267 Is it your mom? 1207 00:53:54,267 --> 00:53:56,603 I don't think so. 1208 00:53:56,603 --> 00:53:57,303 Hey, Simon. Hi. 1209 00:53:57,404 --> 00:54:00,106 You forgot your jacket for later. No. 1210 00:54:00,106 --> 00:54:01,041 Oh. Oh. 1211 00:54:01,241 --> 00:54:03,810 Come on. I feel like it is cold outside. We're indoors. 1212 00:54:03,810 --> 00:54:07,847 Heather tried to forecast better together with it. 1213 00:54:07,881 --> 00:54:12,285 Okay. You. 1214 00:54:12,285 --> 00:54:15,055 And you're sure that's not your mom? 1215 00:54:15,055 --> 00:54:17,190 Nope. It's just a girl I'm dating. 1216 00:54:17,190 --> 00:54:18,958 Oh. Oh, okay. 1217 00:54:18,958 --> 00:54:22,462 But I might end it because I want to be single for Miami. 1218 00:54:22,462 --> 00:54:24,230 Speaking of which party? 1219 00:54:24,230 --> 00:54:26,066 Who's hooking up with him? 1220 00:54:26,066 --> 00:54:28,501 I don't know if we feel comfortable talking about that. 1221 00:54:28,501 --> 00:54:30,537 It's cool. I've done it all. 1222 00:54:30,537 --> 00:54:32,072 I know how it works. 1223 00:54:32,072 --> 00:54:33,440 One time is all 1224 00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,443 Ukrainian lady was teaching me Rachmaninoff on the violin. 1225 00:54:36,443 --> 00:54:40,080 And I can feel her big old breath against my back. 1226 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:40,780 That's awesome. 1227 00:54:40,780 --> 00:54:42,682 Ma'am. 1228 00:54:42,682 --> 00:54:44,517 Anyway, if you guys need my help, 1229 00:54:44,517 --> 00:54:46,786 I need an awesome study guide. But. 1230 00:54:46,786 --> 00:54:49,656 Oh, shoot, I think I left it back in my dorm. 1231 00:54:49,656 --> 00:54:51,624 Hey, Simon, I actually have your study guide here. 1232 00:54:51,624 --> 00:54:53,993 You can just do that. 1233 00:54:53,993 --> 00:54:55,328 Even if it's a pain in my knee, to end 1234 00:54:55,328 --> 00:54:57,664 the needs of others has a role for me. 1235 00:54:57,664 --> 00:55:00,567 Get yourself other heroes like you really saved the day. 1236 00:55:00,567 --> 00:55:02,035 Oh, will you please call me mom? 1237 00:55:02,035 --> 00:55:04,204 I think you might hear other. 1238 00:55:04,204 --> 00:55:05,739 I'm trying to hook up with this girl, Heather. 1239 00:55:05,739 --> 00:55:07,607 Oh, I can tell she's down. Heather. 1240 00:55:07,607 --> 00:55:08,842 Oh, sustainable. 1241 00:55:08,842 --> 00:55:10,844 She's down too pretty. Heather. 1242 00:55:10,844 --> 00:55:12,879 I mean, I'm. 1243 00:55:12,879 --> 00:55:13,880 But you can't. 1244 00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,082 I don't know the boss of me. Heather. 1245 00:55:16,082 --> 00:55:18,218 Yeah. You need my permission to go to school. 1246 00:55:18,218 --> 00:55:20,687 I can yank you right out. Dude. 1247 00:55:20,687 --> 00:55:22,355 Where will I go? Heather? On the street. 1248 00:55:22,355 --> 00:55:24,724 Oh, I can't end up like that for sure. 1249 00:55:24,724 --> 00:55:26,559 That'll maybe like dad. 1250 00:55:26,559 --> 00:55:28,294 I know. Okay. 1251 00:55:31,498 --> 00:55:32,832 Sorry about that. 1252 00:55:32,832 --> 00:55:35,835 By the way, she's definitely not coming to Miami. 1253 00:55:35,869 --> 00:55:38,271 We're not going to Miami. 1254 00:55:38,271 --> 00:55:39,072 It's okay. 1255 00:55:39,072 --> 00:55:40,840 Simon, that's obviously your mom. 1256 00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:42,275 You don't have to be embarrassed. 1257 00:55:42,275 --> 00:55:44,310 Yeah, we all know what moms are like. 1258 00:55:44,310 --> 00:55:47,447 And yours does seem pretty overbearing, 1259 00:55:47,447 --> 00:55:49,849 but you stop. 1260 00:55:49,849 --> 00:55:50,917 She's beautiful. 1261 00:55:50,917 --> 00:55:52,385 She sacrificed everything. 1262 00:55:52,385 --> 00:55:53,319 She could be a reporter. 1263 00:55:53,319 --> 00:55:55,488 That's how hard she is. 1264 00:55:55,488 --> 00:55:58,658 I mean, you don't even have a mother. 1265 00:55:58,658 --> 00:56:01,394 I actually have two gay moms. 1266 00:56:01,394 --> 00:56:02,262 How would that work? 1267 00:56:02,262 --> 00:56:05,498 Two letters. You must be so loved. 1268 00:56:05,498 --> 00:56:07,634 Look, Simon, I totally get it. 1269 00:56:07,634 --> 00:56:09,569 You wouldn't know because she kept her maiden name. 1270 00:56:09,569 --> 00:56:12,405 But Professor Hamner is actually my mom. 1271 00:56:12,405 --> 00:56:13,139 We're good now. 1272 00:56:13,306 --> 00:56:14,941 But it took a little while to get used to. 1273 00:56:14,941 --> 00:56:18,278 Oh. Hey, everyone. Bradley. Hi. 1274 00:56:18,311 --> 00:56:20,647 You didn't come to office hours like everyone else, 1275 00:56:20,647 --> 00:56:24,951 so I just wanted to drop off your last problem set up. 1276 00:56:24,951 --> 00:56:27,620 Don't do this. I'm really sorry. 1277 00:56:27,620 --> 00:56:32,459 No, I mean, if it's you later and I do my role. 1278 00:56:32,459 --> 00:56:32,726 Okay. 1279 00:56:33,426 --> 00:56:35,328 Leaving Heather, another mom, a friend for you. 1280 00:56:35,328 --> 00:56:37,897 Heather. 1281 00:56:52,946 --> 00:56:55,415 >>> ONCE AGAIN, LILY ALLEN! 1282 00:56:55,415 --> 00:56:58,585 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1283 00:56:58,585 --> 00:57:02,322 ** 1284 00:57:02,322 --> 00:57:04,090 ** 1285 00:57:04,090 --> 00:57:04,791 * I KNOW NONE OF THIS 1286 00:57:04,791 --> 00:57:05,792 IS YOUR FAULT 1287 00:57:05,792 --> 00:57:06,793 MESSAGING YOU FEELS 1288 00:57:06,793 --> 00:57:07,827 KIND OF ASSAULTIVE * 1289 00:57:07,827 --> 00:57:08,561 * SAW YOUR TEXT 1290 00:57:08,561 --> 00:57:09,329 THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT 1291 00:57:09,329 --> 00:57:10,063 TELL ME THE TRUTH 1292 00:57:10,063 --> 00:57:10,797 AND HIS MOTIVES * 1293 00:57:10,797 --> 00:57:11,564 * I CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING 1294 00:57:11,564 --> 00:57:12,565 THAT COMES OUT 1295 00:57:12,565 --> 00:57:14,034 OF HIS MOUTH * 1296 00:57:14,034 --> 00:57:15,301 * NO I CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING 1297 00:57:15,301 --> 00:57:16,803 THAT COMES OUT 1298 00:57:16,803 --> 00:57:18,571 OF HIS MOUTH * 1299 00:57:18,571 --> 00:57:19,806 * HOW LONG HAS IT 1300 00:57:19,806 --> 00:57:20,807 BEEN GOING ON 1301 00:57:20,807 --> 00:57:21,808 IS IT JUST SEX 1302 00:57:21,808 --> 00:57:23,043 OR IS THERE EMOTION * 1303 00:57:23,043 --> 00:57:24,077 * HE TOLD ME IT WOULD 1304 00:57:24,077 --> 00:57:25,078 STAY IN HOTEL ROOMS 1305 00:57:25,078 --> 00:57:29,783 NEVER BE OUT IN THE OPEN * 1306 00:57:29,783 --> 00:57:31,051 * WHY WOULD I TRUST ANYTHING 1307 00:57:31,051 --> 00:57:34,554 THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH * 1308 00:57:34,554 --> 00:57:35,321 * NO WHY WOULD I 1309 00:57:35,321 --> 00:57:36,056 TRUST ANYTHING 1310 00:57:36,056 --> 00:57:36,823 THAT COMES OUT 1311 00:57:36,823 --> 00:57:38,058 OF HIS MOUTH * 1312 00:57:38,058 --> 00:57:39,292 * WE HAD AN ARRANGEMENT 1313 00:57:39,292 --> 00:57:41,061 BE DISCREET AND 1314 00:57:41,061 --> 00:57:44,564 DON'T BE BLATANT * 1315 00:57:44,564 --> 00:57:48,068 * THERE HAD TO BE PAYMENT 1316 00:57:48,068 --> 00:57:50,070 IT HAD TO BE 1317 00:57:50,070 --> 00:57:53,540 WITH STRANGERS * 1318 00:57:53,540 --> 00:57:55,075 * BUT YOU'RE NOT A STRANGER 1319 00:57:55,075 --> 00:57:57,310 MADELINE * 1320 00:57:57,310 --> 00:57:58,311 >> HEY, HE IS TELLING YOU THE 1321 00:57:58,311 --> 00:57:59,312 TRUTH. 1322 00:57:59,312 --> 00:58:00,313 OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS ONLY EVER 1323 00:58:00,313 --> 00:58:01,548 BEEN ABOUT SEX. 1324 00:58:01,548 --> 00:58:02,816 I CAN PROMISE YOU THIS IS NOT AN 1325 00:58:02,816 --> 00:58:04,050 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. 1326 00:58:04,050 --> 00:58:05,051 WE DON'T SPEAK OUTSIDE OF THE 1327 00:58:05,051 --> 00:58:06,553 TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER. 1328 00:58:06,553 --> 00:58:08,822 AND WHENEVER HE TALKS ABOUT YOU 1329 00:58:08,822 --> 00:58:10,056 IT'S WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT. 1330 00:58:10,056 --> 00:58:11,057 * YOU TELL ME 1331 00:58:11,057 --> 00:58:12,058 HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH 1332 00:58:12,058 --> 00:58:13,059 IS THAT THE CASE OR 1333 00:58:13,059 --> 00:58:14,060 A LINE THAT HE FED YOU * 1334 00:58:14,060 --> 00:58:15,295 * WANNA BELIEVE YOU 1335 00:58:15,295 --> 00:58:16,329 BUT IS IT A RUSE 1336 00:58:16,329 --> 00:58:17,063 LIE TO ME BABE 1337 00:58:17,063 --> 00:58:17,831 AND I'LL END YOU * 1338 00:58:17,831 --> 00:58:18,798 * I CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING 1339 00:58:18,798 --> 00:58:19,799 THAT COMES OUT 1340 00:58:19,799 --> 00:58:21,301 OF HIS MOUTH * 1341 00:58:21,301 --> 00:58:25,772 * I'M NOT CONVINCED THAT 1342 00:58:25,772 --> 00:58:27,540 HE DIDN'T -- IN OUR HOUSE * 1343 00:58:27,540 --> 00:58:28,308 * DO YOU TWO EVER 1344 00:58:28,308 --> 00:58:29,075 TALK ABOUT ME 1345 00:58:29,075 --> 00:58:29,809 HAS HE TOLD YOU 1346 00:58:29,809 --> 00:58:30,543 THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE ME * 1347 00:58:30,543 --> 00:58:31,277 * I BET HE TELLS YOU 1348 00:58:31,277 --> 00:58:32,078 TELLS YOU HE LOVES YOU 1349 00:58:32,078 --> 00:58:32,812 I'VE GOTTEN OLDER 1350 00:58:32,812 --> 00:58:33,813 AND UGLY * 1351 00:58:33,813 --> 00:58:34,781 * I WOULDN'T TRUST ANYTHING 1352 00:58:34,781 --> 00:58:35,782 THAT COMES OUT 1353 00:58:35,782 --> 00:58:38,051 OF HIS MOUTH * 1354 00:58:38,051 --> 00:58:38,785 * NOW WHY WOULD YOU 1355 00:58:38,785 --> 00:58:39,786 TRUST ANYTHING 1356 00:58:39,786 --> 00:58:40,553 THAT COMES OUT 1357 00:58:40,553 --> 00:58:42,822 OF HIS MOUTH * 1358 00:58:42,822 --> 00:58:45,825 * WE HAD AN ARRANGEMENT 1359 00:58:45,825 --> 00:58:47,794 BE DISCREET AND 1360 00:58:47,794 --> 00:58:50,296 DON'T BE BLATANT * 1361 00:58:50,296 --> 00:58:51,331 * AND THERE HAD TO 1362 00:58:51,331 --> 00:58:53,566 BE PAYMENT 1363 00:58:53,566 --> 00:58:54,534 IT HAD TO BE 1364 00:58:54,534 --> 00:58:59,539 WITH STRANGERS * 1365 00:58:59,539 --> 00:59:04,044 [ GUN SHOTS ] 1366 00:59:04,044 --> 00:59:05,078 * BUT YOU'RE NOT A STRANGER 1367 00:59:05,078 --> 00:59:13,586 MADELINE * 1368 00:59:13,586 --> 00:59:19,059 * MADELINE, MADELINE 1369 00:59:19,059 --> 00:59:20,060 MADELINE * 1370 00:59:20,060 --> 00:59:21,327 * BUT YOU'RE NOT A STRANGER 1371 00:59:21,327 --> 00:59:22,295 MADELINE * 1372 00:59:22,295 --> 00:59:23,296 >> I HATE THAT YOU'RE IN SO MUCH 1373 00:59:23,296 --> 00:59:24,531 PAIN RIGHT NOW. 1374 00:59:24,531 --> 00:59:25,799 I REALLY DON'T WANNA BE THE 1375 00:59:25,799 --> 00:59:27,300 CAUSE OF ANY UPSET. 1376 00:59:27,300 --> 00:59:28,535 HE TOLD ME YOU WERE AWARE THIS 1377 00:59:28,535 --> 00:59:29,569 WAS GOING ON AND THAT HE HAD 1378 00:59:29,569 --> 00:59:31,071 YOUR FULL CONSENT. 1379 00:59:31,071 --> 00:59:33,073 IF HE'S LYING ABOUT THAT THEN 1380 00:59:33,073 --> 00:59:34,574 PLEASE LET ME KNOW BECAUSE I 1381 00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:35,775 HAVE MY OWN FEELINGS ABOUT 1382 00:59:35,775 --> 00:59:38,311 DISHONESTY. 1383 00:59:38,311 --> 00:59:39,312 LIES ARE NOT SOMETHING I WANNA 1384 00:59:39,312 --> 00:59:41,047 GET CAUGHT UP IN. 1385 00:59:41,047 --> 00:59:42,082 YOU CAN REACH OUT TO ME ANY 1386 00:59:42,082 --> 00:59:44,084 TIME, BY THE WAY. 1387 00:59:44,084 --> 00:59:46,286 IF YOU NEED ANY MORE DETAILS OR 1388 00:59:46,286 --> 00:59:47,320 IF YOU JUST NEED TO VENT OR 1389 00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,557 ANYTHING. 1390 00:59:50,557 --> 00:59:54,694 LOVE AND LIGHT, MADELINE. 1391 00:59:54,694 --> 01:00:01,167 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1392 01:00:12,312 --> 01:00:15,382 Variety's Actors on Actors and Directors on Directors 1393 01:00:15,382 --> 01:00:18,118 series have been a runaway success, with Hollywood's 1394 01:00:18,118 --> 01:00:19,886 biggest stars having intimate 1395 01:00:19,886 --> 01:00:22,255 one on one conversations on their craft 1396 01:00:22,255 --> 01:00:23,523 and this holiday season. 1397 01:00:23,523 --> 01:00:26,192 Get ready to listen to your favorite icons of Christmas out. 1398 01:00:26,192 --> 01:00:29,329 Complement each other in characters on characters 1399 01:00:29,329 --> 01:00:30,730 with incredible pairings 1400 01:00:30,730 --> 01:00:34,701 like Rudolph and the Partridge in a pear tree. 1401 01:00:34,701 --> 01:00:37,771 Wow, Rudolph, it is such an honor 1402 01:00:37,771 --> 01:00:40,140 to be sitting across from you. Are you kidding me? 1403 01:00:40,140 --> 01:00:42,242 I'm such a huge fan of your song. 1404 01:00:42,242 --> 01:00:43,376 It's such, 1405 01:00:43,476 --> 01:00:47,347 such an honest portrayal of how many days there are Christmas. 1406 01:00:47,347 --> 01:00:48,348 Wow. That's. 1407 01:00:48,348 --> 01:00:50,750 Wow. That's that's that's awesome. 1408 01:00:50,750 --> 01:00:52,085 Thank you man. Yes. 1409 01:00:52,085 --> 01:00:54,187 I wanted to start by asking, what was your training 1410 01:00:54,187 --> 01:00:56,556 like before you started flying with the sled? 1411 01:00:56,556 --> 01:01:01,061 Can I confess, I actually don't have any formal training? No. 1412 01:01:01,061 --> 01:01:02,362 That's true. 1413 01:01:02,362 --> 01:01:02,862 And really, 1414 01:01:03,563 --> 01:01:06,066 I'm just a part of an ensemble, which I know you understand. 1415 01:01:06,066 --> 01:01:10,103 Yeah, well, I you know, when we did 12 days, it was, 1416 01:01:10,103 --> 01:01:12,605 all the turtledoves, the maids milking, and. 1417 01:01:12,605 --> 01:01:15,075 But you work on a song like that, it's just, 1418 01:01:15,075 --> 01:01:18,678 like your chosen family for the ballet. 1419 01:01:18,678 --> 01:01:21,848 What is your holiday favorites, like Scrooge and the Grinch? 1420 01:01:21,848 --> 01:01:27,354 Talk about process in a way that makes you go, you know, 1421 01:01:27,354 --> 01:01:31,524 I mean, to get to say the words of Doctor Seuss. 1422 01:01:31,524 --> 01:01:34,294 I mean, what a privilege. 1423 01:01:34,294 --> 01:01:35,628 You know, it's a force. 1424 01:01:35,628 --> 01:01:38,898 And and how was it, working with Max? 1425 01:01:38,898 --> 01:01:40,867 Oh, Max the dog. Amazing. 1426 01:01:40,867 --> 01:01:43,269 Yeah, he's a genius. He's a genius. Yeah. 1427 01:01:43,269 --> 01:01:47,107 We shot on location in Whoville, and the people 1428 01:01:47,107 --> 01:01:48,942 could not have been more welcoming. 1429 01:01:48,942 --> 01:01:53,246 I mean, what is going on with them politically right now? 1430 01:01:53,246 --> 01:01:57,717 Oh. It's on thinkable, and my heart goes out to them. 1431 01:01:57,717 --> 01:02:00,453 So tell me about Bah Humbug. 1432 01:02:00,453 --> 01:02:02,055 Was that improv? 1433 01:02:02,055 --> 01:02:05,225 I love to say that it was, but that that was all. 1434 01:02:05,225 --> 01:02:07,227 Charlie? Charlie. 1435 01:02:07,227 --> 01:02:10,263 Oh, Dickens. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I 1436 01:02:10,263 --> 01:02:11,664 worked with him. 1437 01:02:11,664 --> 01:02:14,567 No. No, I'm dying to, but not. 1438 01:02:14,567 --> 01:02:17,103 Yeah, yeah. No, no. 1439 01:02:17,103 --> 01:02:19,239 And don't miss the touching conversation 1440 01:02:19,239 --> 01:02:22,242 between two former child stars. 1441 01:02:25,745 --> 01:02:28,381 It's, good to meet you, Tiny Tim. 1442 01:02:28,381 --> 01:02:30,717 It's just him now, but, 1443 01:02:30,717 --> 01:02:33,086 it's an honor to meet you, little drummer boy. 1444 01:02:33,086 --> 01:02:37,390 Oh, well, now I go by a drum, daddy. 1445 01:02:37,390 --> 01:02:38,825 Right, right. 1446 01:02:38,825 --> 01:02:43,663 And I hate to ask this, but could you do the thing? 1447 01:02:43,663 --> 01:02:45,432 Oh, which thing is that? 1448 01:02:45,432 --> 01:02:46,266 Come on, man. 1449 01:02:46,266 --> 01:02:50,103 Don't act like there's multiple things. 1450 01:02:50,103 --> 01:02:52,472 PA rum pum pum pum. Yes! 1451 01:02:52,472 --> 01:02:55,408 Let's go. It's my childhood, dude. 1452 01:02:55,408 --> 01:02:57,577 I love you, man. 1453 01:02:57,577 --> 01:03:00,613 And literally the only two women in all of Christmas. 1454 01:03:00,613 --> 01:03:04,117 Mrs. Claus and the grandma from grandma got run over 1455 01:03:04,117 --> 01:03:08,521 by a reindeer. 1456 01:03:08,521 --> 01:03:09,489 I'm sorry. 1457 01:03:09,489 --> 01:03:12,092 I think she might be dead. That 1458 01:03:15,795 --> 01:03:18,264 Oh. You made. All 1459 01:03:18,264 --> 01:03:20,467 right. Characters on characters. 1460 01:03:20,467 --> 01:03:22,469 Just let these auto play on your computer 1461 01:03:22,469 --> 01:03:23,703 so that a bunch of nice people 1462 01:03:23,703 --> 01:03:25,405 can still get to work at a magazine. 1463 01:03:25,405 --> 01:03:28,208 Happy holidays. 1464 01:03:39,185 --> 01:03:40,754 >>> CHEERS! 1465 01:03:40,754 --> 01:03:42,288 >> GOSH, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME 1466 01:03:42,288 --> 01:03:43,289 WE ALL HAD BRUNCH? 1467 01:03:43,289 --> 01:03:44,991 >> SERIOUSLY, I LOVE WHEN IT'S 1468 01:03:44,991 --> 01:03:45,558 JUST US. 1469 01:03:45,558 --> 01:03:48,495 NO HUSBANDS, NO KIDS, NO 1470 01:03:48,495 --> 01:03:49,929 FERRETS, NO OFFENSE. 1471 01:03:49,929 --> 01:03:52,232 >> PEEPERS PASSED, ACTUALLY. 1472 01:03:52,232 --> 01:03:53,767 >> OH, GOD, WE'RE SO SORRY. 1473 01:03:53,767 --> 01:03:55,135 >> NO, NO, HE PASSED ON COMING 1474 01:03:55,135 --> 01:03:55,435 HERE. 1475 01:03:55,602 --> 01:03:59,773 HE HAD A BIG WEEK. 1476 01:03:59,773 --> 01:04:00,173 [ LAUGHTER ] 1477 01:04:00,373 --> 01:04:01,808 >> SEND PEEPERS OUR LOVE. 1478 01:04:01,808 --> 01:04:03,743 HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD LILY ALLEN'S 1479 01:04:03,743 --> 01:04:04,778 NEW ALBUM? 1480 01:04:04,778 --> 01:04:05,345 I LOVE IT. 1481 01:04:05,345 --> 01:04:06,246 >> OBSESSED. 1482 01:04:06,246 --> 01:04:09,049 >> HER SONG RATING IS GENIUS. 1483 01:04:09,049 --> 01:04:10,150 HER LYRICS ARE SO SPECIFIC. 1484 01:04:10,150 --> 01:04:11,217 >> AGREED. 1485 01:04:11,217 --> 01:04:13,853 OKAY, BUT WAIT, SOMEONE HAS TO 1486 01:04:13,853 --> 01:04:14,754 TAKE THE LAST PIECE OF THIS 1487 01:04:14,754 --> 01:04:15,155 FLATBREAD. 1488 01:04:15,155 --> 01:04:15,522 >> MINE -- 1489 01:04:15,522 --> 01:04:17,857 >> OH. 1490 01:04:17,857 --> 01:04:19,893 >> SORRY, CAROLINE, DO YOU WANT 1491 01:04:19,893 --> 01:04:20,160 IT? 1492 01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:21,161 >> NO, GO FOR IT. 1493 01:04:21,161 --> 01:04:21,628 >> ARE YOU SURE? 1494 01:04:21,761 --> 01:04:33,873 >> YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE. 1495 01:04:33,873 --> 01:04:35,742 * WE ORDERED THE FLATBREAD IT 1496 01:04:35,742 --> 01:04:36,409 CAME WITH EIGHT SLICES * 1497 01:04:36,476 --> 01:04:37,210 * THE MATH IS QUITE SIMPLE EIGHT 1498 01:04:37,210 --> 01:04:37,744 SLICES DIVIDED * 1499 01:04:37,944 --> 01:04:38,545 * BY JUST PEOPLE WE SHOULD EACH 1500 01:04:38,545 --> 01:04:38,978 TWO * 1501 01:04:39,212 --> 01:04:39,713 * MEGAN TOOK THREE SO I WAS 1502 01:04:39,713 --> 01:04:40,714 SCREWED * 1503 01:04:40,714 --> 01:04:41,715 * I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS QUITE 1504 01:04:41,715 --> 01:04:47,821 STRANGE * 1505 01:04:47,821 --> 01:04:50,223 >> EAT IT, I'M NOT EVEN HUGRY. 1506 01:04:50,223 --> 01:04:51,958 I'M TOTALLY GLP-1 VIBES. 1507 01:04:51,958 --> 01:04:52,258 >> OH. 1508 01:04:52,359 --> 01:04:52,726 OKAY, THANKS. 1509 01:04:53,093 --> 01:04:56,229 SO ANYONE DOING ANYTHING FUN 1510 01:04:56,229 --> 01:04:56,830 AFTER THIS? 1511 01:04:56,930 --> 01:04:58,832 >> I HAVE REALLY FUN PLACHCTION. 1512 01:04:58,832 --> 01:05:01,134 I'M TAKING PEEPERS TO GET AN 1513 01:05:01,134 --> 01:05:01,434 IUD. 1514 01:05:01,434 --> 01:05:02,035 >> OH. 1515 01:05:02,135 --> 01:05:03,236 I DIDN'T REALIZE PEEPERS WAS A 1516 01:05:03,236 --> 01:05:04,904 GIRL FERRET. 1517 01:05:04,904 --> 01:05:08,575 >> YEAH, SHE'S JUST MASKED. 1518 01:05:08,575 --> 01:05:09,609 >> EXCUSE ME, SIR. 1519 01:05:09,609 --> 01:05:11,845 THIS MARG IS A LITTLE TOO SPICY 1520 01:05:11,845 --> 01:05:12,212 FOR ME. 1521 01:05:12,479 --> 01:05:13,213 >> OH, SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. 1522 01:05:13,213 --> 01:05:18,785 THAT'S OUR MISTAKE. 1523 01:05:18,785 --> 01:05:23,056 * WHEN HE ORDERED HIS DRINK HE 1524 01:05:23,056 --> 01:05:24,891 SAID CAN YOU MAKE IT BE SPICY * 1525 01:05:24,891 --> 01:05:26,860 * IT CAN BE REALLY SPICY HE SAID 1526 01:05:26,860 --> 01:05:28,395 THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I REALLY 1527 01:05:28,395 --> 01:05:29,629 LIKE SPICY * 1528 01:05:29,629 --> 01:05:31,698 * BUT NOW HE IS PISSED BECAUSE 1529 01:05:31,698 --> 01:05:33,333 HIS DRINK IS SO SPICY * 1530 01:05:33,333 --> 01:05:33,600 * 1531 01:05:34,067 --> 01:05:34,334 * AND I THOUGHT I'M GOING TO 1532 01:05:34,501 --> 01:05:37,971 SPIT IN HIS DRINK * 1533 01:05:37,971 --> 01:05:39,406 LET ME FIX THAT RIGHT AWAY, SIR, 1534 01:05:39,406 --> 01:05:40,173 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 1535 01:05:40,173 --> 01:05:41,307 >> OH, WAIT. 1536 01:05:41,307 --> 01:05:42,242 I HAVE SOME NEWS. 1537 01:05:42,242 --> 01:05:44,878 >> WAIT, HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN 1538 01:05:44,878 --> 01:05:45,645 "ALL'S FAIR"? 1539 01:05:45,645 --> 01:05:48,348 >> YES, IT'S SO CAMP, I'M 1540 01:05:48,348 --> 01:05:48,715 OBSESSED. 1541 01:05:48,848 --> 01:05:49,282 >> SARAH PAULINE IS 1542 01:05:49,282 --> 01:05:55,588 UNBELIEVABLE. 1543 01:05:55,588 --> 01:05:57,090 * THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS I GET 1544 01:05:57,090 --> 01:05:57,490 INTERRUPTED * 1545 01:05:57,490 --> 01:05:58,725 >> OH, MY GOD, KIM. 1546 01:05:58,725 --> 01:06:02,062 >> SORRY, I HOPE IT'S OKAY I 1547 01:06:02,062 --> 01:06:02,495 BROUGHT RYAN. 1548 01:06:02,696 --> 01:06:05,765 >> SURE, WE CAN GET ANOTHER 1549 01:06:05,765 --> 01:06:06,099 CHAIR. 1550 01:06:06,332 --> 01:06:08,535 * THIS IS SO AWKWARD I 1551 01:06:08,535 --> 01:06:09,202 SPECIFICALLY ASKED IF I WAS 1552 01:06:09,202 --> 01:06:11,071 INVITED * 1553 01:06:11,071 --> 01:06:13,707 * I DON'T LIKE HER FRIENDS THEY 1554 01:06:13,707 --> 01:06:15,141 DON'T GET MY JOKES * 1555 01:06:15,141 --> 01:06:18,111 * EVEN THOUGH I HAVE GOOD ONES 1556 01:06:18,111 --> 01:06:18,578 LIKE * 1557 01:06:18,578 --> 01:06:19,045 BEEP BEEP! 1558 01:06:19,245 --> 01:06:25,318 MAKE ROOM FOR THE DADDYMOBILE! 1559 01:06:25,318 --> 01:06:26,052 THIS CAR RUNS ON DADDY JUICE! 1560 01:06:26,052 --> 01:06:30,223 [ LAUGHTER ] 1561 01:06:30,223 --> 01:06:31,057 * THEY THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS 1562 01:06:31,057 --> 01:06:35,061 QUITE STRANGE * 1563 01:06:35,061 --> 01:06:35,328 >> OH! 1564 01:06:35,495 --> 01:06:37,564 >> WHAT THE HELL? 1565 01:06:37,564 --> 01:06:39,165 >> THAT WASN'T ME, IT JUST FELL. 1566 01:06:39,165 --> 01:06:39,933 >> HOW DOES A MIMOSA FALL ON ITS 1567 01:06:39,933 --> 01:06:43,403 OWN? 1568 01:06:43,403 --> 01:06:45,672 * I JUST DID THAT I DID IT WITH 1569 01:06:45,672 --> 01:06:48,208 MY MIND * 1570 01:06:48,208 --> 01:06:49,909 * I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MAGIC 1571 01:06:49,909 --> 01:06:51,878 SINCE 2009 * 1572 01:06:51,878 --> 01:06:53,346 * AND I THOUGHT I'M LIKE MATILDA 1573 01:06:53,346 --> 01:06:56,082 BUT POOR * 1574 01:06:56,082 --> 01:06:58,718 >> EXCUSE ME. 1575 01:06:58,718 --> 01:06:59,452 WAITER THIS MAN JUST SPILLED A 1576 01:06:59,452 --> 01:07:01,421 MIMOSA ON ME. 1577 01:07:01,421 --> 01:07:04,024 [ CHEERS ] 1578 01:07:04,024 --> 01:07:05,792 >> I CAN HELP WITH THAT. 1579 01:07:05,792 --> 01:07:08,128 * THIS IS SO AWKWARD I DO NOT 1580 01:07:08,128 --> 01:07:10,864 WORK HERE * 1581 01:07:10,864 --> 01:07:14,167 * I'M LILY ALLEN LAST WEEK I 1582 01:07:14,167 --> 01:07:16,036 WORE THIS TO A CHEESECAKE 1583 01:07:16,036 --> 01:07:16,403 FACTORY * 1584 01:07:16,736 --> 01:07:18,872 * I WORKED A WHOLE SHIFT I'M WAY 1585 01:07:18,872 --> 01:07:20,206 TOO POLITE * 1586 01:07:20,206 --> 01:07:20,907 >> WAIT. 1587 01:07:20,907 --> 01:07:21,307 OH, MY GOD. 1588 01:07:21,307 --> 01:07:25,712 LOOK WHO IT IS. 1589 01:07:25,712 --> 01:07:26,046 >> ME. 1590 01:07:26,212 --> 01:07:30,050 >> NO, IT'S PEEPERS! 1591 01:07:30,050 --> 01:07:30,784 >> I GUESS SHE DECIDED TO COME 1592 01:07:30,784 --> 01:07:33,720 AFTER ALL. 1593 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:35,755 * AND I THOUGHT * 1594 01:07:35,755 --> 01:07:36,890 * I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS QUITE 1595 01:07:36,890 --> 01:07:38,324 STRANGE * 1596 01:07:38,324 --> 01:07:41,161 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1597 01:07:41,161 --> 01:07:50,637 ** 1598 01:07:50,637 --> 01:07:53,740 >>> THANKS TO LILY ALLEN AND 1599 01:07:53,740 --> 01:07:55,809 DAKOTA JOHNSON! 1600 01:07:55,809 --> 01:07:58,778 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU! 1601 01:07:58,778 --> 01:08:01,681 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1602 01:08:01,681 --> 01:08:35,482 **