1 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:14,247 Good evening. For ABC news, I'm David Muir. 2 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:19,719 is it kind of handsome in here? is I had hoped the takeawayere? 3 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:24,157 but unfortunately it wasd 4 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:30,764 towards the Democrats. Which, duh. 5 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:34,901 we'll be going live to rallies from both candidates tonight. 6 00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:39,606 to Vice President Kamala Harris. 7 00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:58,158 Hello. Oh. Well, well, well. 8 00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:02,495 coconut tree. cocoWell,ree. 9 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:09,836 you're funny aunt has returned. The funt has been rebooted. 242 furious. 10 00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:14,374 in whatever swing state in whateI'm in,ng state 11 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:19,979 which I will just refer to as Wisconsapennsylvageorgia as Because I am going togia 12 00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:25,118 protect your vageorgia 13 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,992 You see, my campaign is like the Sabrina 14 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:39,632 Carpenbut the viberesso. 15 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:51,111 slaps. And sure, I like to laugh, I do. But let me tell you something. 16 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:55,515 gonna hit you with one of these. 17 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,820 Now, now, this election is about moving 18 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:07,160 Trump is stuck in the past. 19 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,130 to my husband, Doug, when he leaves his phone 20 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:17,504 at the Chili's. We are not going back. 21 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,079 Yeah. And you know. 22 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:33,853 a running mate who agrees. Come on out here, coach Waltz 23 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,823 Hey hey hey hey. 24 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,534 Whoa! You folks, 25 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:55,842 on a leaf blower from menards. 26 00:02:55,842 --> 00:03:03,316 What can I say? I got that BDE big dad energy. I And see what I did. There.y. 27 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:07,754 You get it? I got it. I didn't want it, but I got it. 28 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:11,558 and Vance are weird, all right? andThey want the governmentght? 29 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:15,695 and what books you read. 30 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:23,169 You know. In Minnesota, we have a saying. Mind your damn business. 31 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:32,412 in Minnesota. My nuts froze to the park bench. 32 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:37,884 I got and asked me to be.folks. 33 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:44,324 Her vice president, I said. yeah, this is personal for me. 34 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:50,630 I I need the money.. 35 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,365 This suit is from Costco. 36 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:58,838 It's a Kirkland brand. They make great dog food. 37 00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:05,045 Thank you. Tim. Oh. Thank you. Wow. You are wow. 38 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:11,384 What a loud and, loud treasure. Okay, we love him. 39 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:16,623 Bfor Harris here today., 40 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:21,261 who's given me so much, 41 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,731 and a very Brooklyn daughter. 42 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,702 It's my husband. teach me how you teach me, 43 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,304 teach me, 44 00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:35,275 teach me. 45 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,091 Oh ho ho! 46 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:57,530 Tis I, Doug. The second gentleman, 47 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:02,369 also known as Charlie Brown. If he was a grown up. 48 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:07,874 Guys, how amazing is Kamala? I mean. Look at her. 49 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,610 do I go to. One of those movies where Seth 50 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,380 Rogen dates Charlize Theron's. 51 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,116 How did I get this woman? 52 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,553 what the right says about me. 53 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:24,824 Justsupporting his wife.getic 54 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,661 a wife guy, a trad who 55 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:34,067 a little spoon. Well, you know what? 56 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:37,737 who we call mom in my family. whoNot sure if I mentionedly. 57 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,073 that become president. 58 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:45,078 Being a little spoon. Then you can cut my little butt. 59 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,314 Because I am proud to join the esteemed list 60 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:54,087 of pwomen and men.ouses 61 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:59,192 by the president's side. 62 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:04,064 And I,for Christmas.t wait 63 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,033 The theme will be Hanukkah. 64 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:13,840 Yeah. She cleared up. 65 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,843 if anyone on the right tries 66 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:20,480 remember, I'm from LA Boston. 67 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:24,384 smack the taste 68 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,185 out your nephew. 69 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:29,289 me and K is la to the bay. 70 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,758 Trick. Don't start. No stuff. 71 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:35,829 Won't be no stuff. Donald Duck. Turkey. We're not going to do that 72 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,732 tonstates. Okay.ht? 73 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:43,970 hotshot. Yep. Sorry, my sweet. 74 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:51,411 song, everyone. Oh, my goodness. 75 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:57,350 How and a beautiful home.an? 76 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:03,456 And if you try to enter my home, I will shoot you. 77 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,358 from New York and California, 78 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:10,363 please close your ears. I have a gun. 79 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,934 A cool one. All right, come on back. 80 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:18,605 New York and California. Now let's get. Crazy sexy, cool 81 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,409 and play some TLC. 82 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,113 Yeah. Well, certainly seems like a 83 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:32,619 with Donald Trump at his rally, 84 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,422 hour. 85 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,196 going? 86 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:48,468 but the doors are locked. 87 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:52,272 Come on back. We're having fun. We love my rallies. 88 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:57,310 Except when someone does it. Bing bing bing bing bing. Right at me. 89 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,580 Yof the radical left.ed 90 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:04,818 for inciting violence 91 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,321 calling the kettle black. But frankly, 92 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:14,227 was black until very recently. I thought the kettle was Indian, 93 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:18,531 to turn black. I missed Joe Biden. 94 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:23,103 No, Joe. We missed Joe Biden, folks. What we wouldn't give to have 95 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,473 him stand next to me and be old. 96 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:30,310 but then they did a switch 97 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,246 Biden with scannable. 98 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:38,184 And now everything is chaos. They're eating the dogs. 99 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:43,790 and they're doing freak offs. 100 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,093 doing freak offs with the dogs 101 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,397 watch. It's very sad. 102 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:54,534 It's very sad. They're doing it dirty, and that's what I'm told 103 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,837 by my running mate, JD Vance. 104 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,641 pick, and in many ways he was. 105 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:06,279 JD, come on up. Ha ha. Thank you. Chris. 106 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:09,249 Thank you. 107 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,553 I bet he's he's. 108 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,757 That's fun anyway. Hello? Hello. It is, JD Vance. 109 00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:20,026 Donald Trump? You're just. This afternoon. 110 00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:23,096 you're like a son to me because I don't like you, 111 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:27,133 and I'm stuck with you. I'm sure you've all heard Iwhat the liberal mediard 112 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:31,171 has been saying about me. I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. 113 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:34,307 What theI'm doing here.g here? 114 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,676 Getting this crowd hyped. Yeah. You guys are awesome. Yeah, 115 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:45,719 yeah. Swing and a miss. The top platform. 116 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:50,657 It's called project 2025. And oh we apologize. The Trump campaign is asking us 117 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:56,496 to cuPresident Harris,ally 118 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,765 to be wrapping up. 119 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:11,678 that's whole oh, man, that felt good. 120 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,647 think I'm black. 121 00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,951 Okay, listen up, everyone. We couldn't have gotten here 122 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,487 without one man. 123 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,723 And his name is Joe Biden. 124 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:33,566 Get on out here to Biden. Oh. 125 00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,515 Oh, that's right. A lot of people forget I'm 126 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:59,359 president, including me. But guess what? And by the way. 127 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:05,665 I ththan president history. job. 128 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,168 we still got work to do. we stillNo, Joe,k to do. 129 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:16,710 I mean, serious right now on a guess what? And by the way. 130 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:23,683 The pay their fair share., I, 131 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,720 They got to pay his fair share. We got to build back better. WThe build back, the better, 132 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,290 the better capitalism. 133 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,259 It's not bother to buy. 134 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:38,131 Thank you, thank you. And I just want to say 135 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,134 I just want to. Say thank you, Joe Biden. Thank you for putting country 136 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:47,240 first and for handing over the reins. I didn't. Want to. 137 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,110 They made me. And guess what? 138 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:57,884 And by the way, in fact, matter is no joke. You serious right now? 139 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:01,654 Harris is the same. Oh, okay. 140 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,891 thank you so much. 141 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:14,167 Thank you. All right. Goodbye Joe Biden. Biden everyone. Now. 142 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,937 And you're great. Now listen. Listen. All right. 143 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:26,279 We got to stay focused, okay? And let me tell you something. If we win together, 144 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:35,588 we can end the drama. And the trauma and go relax in our pajamas. 145 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:41,594 Because if there's one thing I know back, it's back. 146 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,164 You want it? 147 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:52,105 Yeah. Come on. In. Okay. Hey. Hey, there. Is that nice? 148 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,809 Very guy. Okay. Hi, there. Okay. 149 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,578 I don't know. Oh, yeah. 150 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,748 one more thing. Oh, yeah? Yeah. 151 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,484 Live from New York. It's Saturday night. 152 00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:15,462 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WITH -- 153 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:23,790 MUSICAL GUEST, JELLY ROLL. AND YOUR HOST, JEAN SMART. 154 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:24,290 MUSICAL GUEST, JELLY ROLL. 155 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:30,864 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JEAN SMART! 156 00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:40,573 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 157 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,827 Thank you. Thank you. 158 00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:05,832 Thank you so. So very much. I can't tell you how honored I am 159 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:11,137 to be hosting the premiere episode of season 50. 160 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,743 It truly is. Incredible to be here. 161 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:22,749 and had hundreds of people clap for me in days. 162 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,819 I remember watching the very 163 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:29,222 and thinking, someday 164 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:40,200 I'm going to host that show. And this is the first Saturday that worked with my schedule. 165 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,569 to be in New York, even though I'm not from here. 166 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:47,407 my career in show business. Oh my piano. 167 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,377 I was wondering where I put the, 168 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,613 Thank you. I moved to New York in my 20s 169 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,483 and remember the first play I did. It was an 170 00:16:56,483 --> 00:17:04,024 off, off, off, off Broadway jersey, actually, I think, 171 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,526 of New York as home, even though I have a much nicer 172 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:15,301 home in L.A.. I happen to like New York. I happen to love this town. 173 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:18,672 I like the city air. I like to drink of it. The more I know of New York, 174 00:17:18,672 --> 00:17:25,578 and even the stink of it. 175 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:33,053 I happen to like New York, especially this time of year. I love Autumn in New York. 176 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:37,924 is finally changing colors. Beautiful, beautiful. 177 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:42,395 in the news. I didn't read it. 178 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:48,802 good. I have to like New York. 179 00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:53,873 I happen to like this town. I started my career in New York around the same timein New York 180 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:58,411 it was live.ht Live started. 181 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:06,252 for Saturday Night laughs. And then I watched the 182 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:19,232 that can't be right. I happen to like New York. 183 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:26,072 was all lesbian characters.me. 184 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,241 fans, and apparently I do 185 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:33,947 someone said, oh, it's true.ld. 186 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,616 woman's podcast? 187 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:43,623 She wants to date you? And I thought, cool, at least I have options. 188 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,660 But I gotta say, I just love this city. There's nowhere else on earth 189 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:52,065 where people have come 190 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:57,937 from around the world to be who they want to be. 191 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:04,544 I happen to like New York. I like its diversity. I often ask myself,y. 192 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:10,083 come so far from across the sea. 193 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:15,655 because they agree with me. They happen to like New York. 194 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:23,830 We happen to like New York. I happen to like New York. 195 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:30,603 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! JELLY ROLL IS HERE! 196 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:34,641 SO STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 197 00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,655 be in the lobby in the dentist 198 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:51,624 Show Network. 199 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:59,299 Okay. Welcome, welcome, welcome to. 200 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:05,805 Celebrity Edition. I am your host, Michael Strahan. 201 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:10,043 celebrity contestants.as busy. 202 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,445 of the summer. The somehow famous 203 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:21,588 for one sentence, Hailey Welch. Do you spit on that thang? That's the one. Yup. 204 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,691 are you supporting today? I will be donating my winnings 205 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:29,662 a year from now. 206 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:33,199 Myself. Of course. well, today, 207 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:36,970 champ Crazy Tanya.ide 208 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:41,975 Headaches. I know that documentary. that documentary made me seem 209 00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:47,080 crazy, but that's all for TV. I'm a normal lady. And, who thatlady. 210 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,952 you got on your shoulders there? This is my husband. Super duper. 211 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:57,457 joining us after is roughly 1000 Latin Grammy wins. Is the pop 212 00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:05,398 star Bad Bunny. How are you feeling, Benito? Well, I got another. 213 00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:10,537 too famous to be here right now. 214 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:14,774 with LeBron and DiCaprio, and now I'm and DiCaprio, 215 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:19,412 next to the lady who. Making love to the monkey. Where your partner today has 216 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:23,783 on a pornographic website.ently 217 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:30,623 North Carolina, mark Robinson. Oh, come on, man. 218 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:35,962 That was I. I ain't come in. On all them amazing pornos. 219 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:39,432 Nothing amazing. Makes me feel like you did it. All right. 220 00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:43,570 but that ain't me. I mean, what was my username 221 00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:50,343 with the coolest usernames. 222 00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:53,179 The teams are set round one. 223 00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,248 and Bad Bunny. Let's go to the pyramid 224 00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:59,652 for your categories. okay. I want in the club. 225 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:05,058 Bobby, I love the club. I'm a real man. I. Bobby, Sarge. 226 00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:09,829 you are one sexual fellow. 227 00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:12,499 you will be given the clues. 228 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:16,436 and begin. okay. 229 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:21,641 you do in the club. cheat on your wife. Well. 230 00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:28,782 on you, you go to jail. myself on my personal cell phone 231 00:22:28,782 --> 00:22:34,654 and you go for a ride. 232 00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:38,324 the website. Nude Africa fast. 233 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:43,730 but you always regret it. 234 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:48,668 on a pornographic website. Wow. That was an absolutely 235 00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:54,007 brutal performance. What happened out there, Mark? guess I got a got my own stuff 236 00:22:54,007 --> 00:22:59,946 going on. Yeah, that's. You do. 237 00:22:59,946 --> 00:23:04,050 you think you could beat that?m. 238 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:12,058 categories.bad. 239 00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:17,263 Ooh, wait. Okay, let's go with things. Baby's knee. 240 00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:21,167 right. 30s on the clock and begin. that thing they. 241 00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:29,876 Put in their mouth. Banana pants. Oh, where they sleep? cage. Big blast case. 242 00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:34,948 if you had an accident. The loft is big blast case. 243 00:23:34,948 --> 00:23:40,320 when they're upset throw feces to campus, 244 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,690 because she got a new haircut. Hey. Oh, my. 245 00:23:43,690 --> 00:23:47,127 please. Please. All right. 246 00:23:47,127 --> 00:23:52,732 get their food. Oh, breastfeeding 247 00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:55,935 Oh, right at the buzzer. I thought we were about to have the first game with 248 00:23:55,935 --> 00:24:04,411 thinking about human babies.t, 249 00:24:04,411 --> 00:24:09,683 amazing celebrities, including, 250 00:24:09,683 --> 00:24:14,154 sharpshooter Yousef de catch. Tell the monkeyusef de catch. 251 00:24:14,154 --> 00:24:23,563 to stop looking at me. oh. We will be right back after I de-escalatet back 252 00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:26,066 the situation. 253 00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:35,809 may be good on Wall Street, 254 00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:41,815 communities are struggling. Closed stores, shuttered 255 00:24:41,815 --> 00:24:50,457 easy to feel like no one cares. 256 00:24:50,457 --> 00:24:57,731 But help is on the way. Because when others leave, we show up. 257 00:24:57,731 --> 00:25:04,838 We don't see a dead end town. We don't see an abandoned Kmart. We see a spirit, 258 00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:07,807 a spirit Halloween. 259 00:25:11,444 --> 00:25:14,247 Halloween has been helping 260 00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:17,817 in every vacantcommunities 261 00:25:17,817 --> 00:25:22,188 for six weeks and then bouncing. And next to us 262 00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:25,058 where a murder happenedmned 263 00:25:25,058 --> 00:25:29,095 business where a murder. Happened. 264 00:25:29,095 --> 00:25:32,732 providing vulnerable communities with the things they needunities 265 00:25:32,732 --> 00:25:39,606 and costumes of famousu a rash, 266 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:42,876 just enough to avoid a lawsuit. 267 00:25:44,444 --> 00:25:46,079 buildings. 268 00:25:46,079 --> 00:25:50,116 by creating six week jobs for some of America's 269 00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:57,223 hardest hit perverts. I below, before I ring you up. Are you over 18 years old? 270 00:25:57,223 --> 00:26:01,594 legally allowed to talk to you. So let me grab 271 00:26:01,594 --> 00:26:05,932 to help you out, okay? I'm so 272 00:26:05,932 --> 00:26:08,535 looking me good though. And the best part is, we're able to help 273 00:26:08,535 --> 00:26:17,477 a new location in minutes.ime 274 00:26:17,477 --> 00:26:20,780 communities,ween. 275 00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:23,750 also making dreams come true. Excuse me, do you have a Taylor 276 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:30,156 Swift costume? You bet. This isn't Taylor Swift, 277 00:26:30,156 --> 00:26:37,063 when you need us, we'll be here. 278 00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:40,867 we're goneeks. 279 00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:43,837 junk will be in a dumpster. Spiritill be in a dumpster. 280 00:26:43,837 --> 00:26:46,306 Halloween coming and going soon. 281 00:26:58,284 --> 00:27:00,720 to interrupt, but the writer. 282 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,523 here. Oh. Thank you. Send her in. 283 00:27:03,523 --> 00:27:06,493 we don't wear t shirts here. 284 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:10,463 Read this review. Oh, good morning, everyone. Hi. 285 00:27:10,463 --> 00:27:15,802 Hi. Barbara Berkman. Hi. Hi. Thank you so much for coming in. Oh, it's about my book,oming in. 286 00:27:15,802 --> 00:27:19,072 the new bath book. 287 00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:23,376 You asked me to write. it is about that. Yes. You know,ut that. Yes. 288 00:27:23,376 --> 00:27:26,579 when you asked me to do this, I said, Is Barbara Berkman really coming out of retirement 289 00:27:26,579 --> 00:27:31,351 is romance novels?ok 290 00:27:31,351 --> 00:27:36,656 some advanced copiesid. 291 00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:41,428 the entire manuscript. And.fore 292 00:27:42,429 --> 00:27:43,630 well, there was some concern, especially 293 00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:49,736 are the most fun to write. 294 00:27:49,736 --> 00:27:53,907 the one at the top of page 96? 295 00:27:53,907 --> 00:27:57,444 Well, okay. See? 296 00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:02,749 96. Okay, okay. William has five apples 297 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,885 and the body of a god. 298 00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:11,257 as he bit into the apple flesh. 299 00:28:11,257 --> 00:28:16,196 running down his muscled neck and into the forbidden mystery 300 00:28:16,196 --> 00:28:20,400 his sweat stained undershirt. How many apples doesdershirt. 301 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:26,473 that your style of romance 302 00:28:26,473 --> 00:28:30,777 into this textbook. Really? 303 00:28:30,777 --> 00:28:36,616 I don't see how. well, read the next one. Okay. 304 00:28:36,616 --> 00:28:39,586 of the Italian, losing herself, 305 00:28:39,586 --> 00:28:45,492 with the hands of a gorilla. 306 00:28:45,492 --> 00:28:50,363 body that hadn't been explored. What's four minus six? 307 00:28:52,065 --> 00:28:53,566 Yeah. I mean, 308 00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:56,536 that's not appropriate. How? 309 00:28:57,137 --> 00:28:59,439 don't like math. 310 00:28:59,439 --> 00:29:03,677 I made it cool. I made the cover. Cool. Look. 311 00:29:05,445 --> 00:29:09,049 Yeah, yeah, we we do. See, that's the problem. 312 00:29:09,049 --> 00:29:13,486 the next one, please?like that. 313 00:29:13,486 --> 00:29:15,655 Okay. 314 00:29:16,890 --> 00:29:19,926 considered being with a woman. 315 00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:24,898 to bosom with Lady Harrington. I thought we were going to here 316 00:29:24,898 --> 00:29:29,769 replied. Fine.h, Clarissa said, 317 00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:32,906 you out of those panties. 318 00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:39,679 That's not even a math problem. It is. These are gold. 319 00:29:39,679 --> 00:29:47,120 What is 67 plus two? Father Norris asked. 69? Clarissa said with a smirk. 320 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:51,324 said as he spun her around 321 00:29:51,324 --> 00:29:52,258 on the lazy Susan. 322 00:29:55,462 --> 00:30:00,066 Girl, you cannot talk like that. And and what is the. 323 00:30:00,066 --> 00:30:04,971 Deal with Clarissa? She's so easy. Oh, okay. 324 00:30:04,971 --> 00:30:10,143 If you don't like Clarissa. There's one without her. Let's go skinny dipping, 325 00:30:10,143 --> 00:30:13,980 Roderick said, unbuttoning Clifford's shirt. Well, peoplehirt. 326 00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:18,518 ripping off his tuxedo 327 00:30:18,518 --> 00:30:24,791 last into the seat. Write down your favorite number. 328 00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:27,460 an AP algebra book, not write down 329 00:30:27,460 --> 00:30:33,733 last?favorite number. 330 00:30:35,035 --> 00:30:38,138 And I miss Clarissa. Well, then give me an example 331 00:30:38,138 --> 00:30:41,341 of what it is you want me to write. It took Thomas ten minutes 332 00:30:41,341 --> 00:30:45,445 longer to do his math homework than history. If he spent two hours, 333 00:30:45,445 --> 00:30:47,814 how long did he spend on math? 334 00:30:49,249 --> 00:30:52,886 Anyone? Hart, I know I'm not wrong. 335 00:30:52,886 --> 00:30:57,023 and they just want smart.s. 336 00:30:57,023 --> 00:31:01,361 Fine, fine. Here. Here's some math porn. 337 00:31:06,099 --> 00:31:07,233 All right. Earl opened the car door 338 00:31:07,233 --> 00:31:16,309 and his dong hit the driveway. Wow. Clarissa said. That thing's going to kill me. 339 00:31:16,309 --> 00:31:23,116 How many tires are on a car? You know we can't publish this. But I do applaud the returnhis. 340 00:31:23,116 --> 00:31:30,490 of Clarissa. So what happens now? I get fired. 341 00:31:30,490 --> 00:31:34,094 again, but the school's called. The math scoresschool's called. 342 00:31:34,094 --> 00:31:36,396 are through the roof. 343 00:31:39,099 --> 00:31:43,203 well. 344 00:31:43,203 --> 00:31:46,906 I guess we were very wrong. 345 00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:53,246 Looks like romance isn't dead. And just wait for the sequel. 346 00:31:58,685 --> 00:32:00,820 Oh, hello, Clarissa. 347 00:32:20,073 --> 00:32:24,644 >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JELLY ROLL! 348 00:32:24,644 --> 00:32:38,925 ** * I LET YOU DRIVE AROUND MY MIND * 349 00:32:38,925 --> 00:32:43,730 * I CAN'T COUNT THE TIMES YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOTHING * 350 00:32:43,730 --> 00:32:49,169 * PLAYED ME LIKE A FOOL LIKE A FOOL * * SAYING 351 00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:54,007 DRINK ANOTHER WHISKEY POP ANOTHER PILL MONEY MAKES YOU HAPPY * 352 00:32:54,007 --> 00:32:59,412 * HEAVEN ISN'T REAL YOU WON'T FIND NOBODY TO LOVE * 353 00:32:59,412 --> 00:33:03,183 * BECAUSE YOUR HEART'S TOO BROKE * * NOW I KNOW 354 00:33:03,183 --> 00:33:08,588 YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A LIAR * * YEAH I WALK RIGHT 355 00:33:08,588 --> 00:33:13,393 OUT THE FIRE * * YEAH THEY TRY TO BRING ME DOWN 356 00:33:13,393 --> 00:33:22,569 TRY TO PUT ME UNDERGROUND * * I'M ONLY GOING HIGHER I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY HEAD 357 00:33:22,569 --> 00:33:25,839 IN MY BED WHEN I'M DREAMIN' * * YOU TRY TO BE MY FRIEND 358 00:33:25,839 --> 00:33:32,278 BUT YOU'RE BLOWIN' SMOKE * * OH AND NOW I AIN'T SCARED OF TELLIN' YOU WHERE 359 00:33:32,278 --> 00:33:39,319 YOU CAN GO * * LOOK I KNOW YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LIAR 360 00:33:39,319 --> 00:33:44,224 YOU BURNED ME ONE TOO MANY TIMES * * YOU'RE LIKE THE DEVIL 361 00:33:44,224 --> 00:33:50,196 IN DISGUISE HIDING YOUR TRUE COLORS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE * 362 00:33:50,196 --> 00:33:57,170 * KEEP LEADING ME ON DRINK ANOTHER WHISKEY POP ANOTHER PILL 363 00:33:57,170 --> 00:34:02,575 MONEY MAKES YOU HAPPY * * HEAVEN ISN'T REAL YOU WON'T FIND NOBODY 364 00:34:02,575 --> 00:34:06,846 TO LOVE * * BECAUSE YOUR HEART'S TOO BROKE * 365 00:34:06,846 --> 00:34:11,751 * OH I KNOW YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A LIAR * 366 00:34:11,751 --> 00:34:17,157 * YEAH I WALK RIGHT OUT THE FIRE YEAH THEY TRY TO 367 00:34:17,157 --> 00:34:24,731 BRING ME DOWN * * TRY TO PUT ME UNDERGROUND I'M ONLY GOING HIGHER * 368 00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:26,900 * I HEAR YOU IN MY HEAD IN MY BED WHEN I'M 369 00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:32,872 DREAMIN' * * YOU TRY TO BE MY FRIEND BUT YOU'RE BLOWIN' SMOKE * 370 00:34:32,872 --> 00:34:38,278 * OH AND NOW I AIN'T SCARED OF TELLIN' YOU WHERE YOU CAN GO 371 00:34:38,278 --> 00:34:43,783 LOOK I KNOW * >> TAG OVER AT JACK ON THE GUITAR TONIGHT. 372 00:34:43,783 --> 00:34:51,658 JACK. AND WE'RE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BABY! 373 00:34:51,658 --> 00:35:01,901 ** ** * IF I WAS DOIN' WHAT YOU DO 374 00:35:01,901 --> 00:35:06,806 THEN YOU WOULD SWEAR I POISONED YOU * * YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LIAR 375 00:35:06,806 --> 00:35:10,510 LIAR * * YEAH I WALK RIGHT OUT THE FIRE 376 00:35:10,510 --> 00:35:15,382 FIRE * * YEAH YOU TRY TO KEEP ME DOWN 377 00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:22,956 TRY TO PUT ME UNDERGROUND * * BUT I'M ONLY GOING HIGHER I HEAR YOU IN MY HEAD 378 00:35:22,956 --> 00:35:27,260 IN MY BED WHEN I'M DREAMIN' * * YOU TRY TO BE MY FRIEND 379 00:35:27,260 --> 00:35:33,166 BUT YOU'RE BLOWIN' SMOKE * * OH AND NOW I AIN'T SCARED OF TELLIN' 380 00:35:33,166 --> 00:35:41,875 YOU WHERE YOU CAN GO * * 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LIAR * 381 00:35:41,875 --> 00:35:47,814 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 382 00:35:58,958 --> 00:36:00,460 It's Weekend Update 383 00:36:00,493 --> 00:36:03,496 with Colin Jost and Michael Che. 384 00:36:09,803 --> 00:36:11,905 Thank you very much. 385 00:36:11,938 --> 00:36:12,939 Good evening. Everyone. 386 00:36:13,039 --> 00:36:14,774 Welcome to Weekend Update I'm Michael Che. 387 00:36:14,808 --> 00:36:17,811 I'm Colin Jost. 388 00:36:19,746 --> 00:36:22,382 Well it is our first show of the season. 389 00:36:22,415 --> 00:36:25,952 And there were so many insane political stories this summer 390 00:36:26,052 --> 00:36:28,088 and everyone kept asking, are you so bummed 391 00:36:28,121 --> 00:36:30,056 you aren't on the air right now? 392 00:36:30,056 --> 00:36:30,857 And I was like, 393 00:36:30,890 --> 00:36:32,258 I have a feeling there's going to be more 394 00:36:32,292 --> 00:36:34,794 that happens when we get back. 395 00:36:34,828 --> 00:36:38,665 For example, two hours ago at a rally, Donald Trump 396 00:36:38,698 --> 00:36:43,770 called Kamala Harris, quote, a mentally disabled person 397 00:36:43,803 --> 00:36:46,906 just straight up, which is amazing. 398 00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:48,808 I cannot believe that Trump admitted 399 00:36:48,842 --> 00:36:55,949 he lost the debate to a mentally disabled person. 400 00:36:55,982 --> 00:36:56,850 you can really tell 401 00:36:56,883 --> 00:36:58,485 that Trump is worried about this election 402 00:36:58,518 --> 00:37:01,388 because now he's just lashing out, hoping anything will work. 403 00:37:01,421 --> 00:37:02,055 Look. 404 00:37:03,023 --> 00:37:05,291 I could have been sunbathing on the beach. 405 00:37:05,325 --> 00:37:09,529 You have never seen a body so beautiful. 406 00:37:09,562 --> 00:37:14,200 Much better than Sleepy Joe. 407 00:37:14,234 --> 00:37:16,603 What are you talking about? 408 00:37:16,636 --> 00:37:21,041 You're saying you got a hotter body than Joe Biden? 409 00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:22,075 I'm starting to worry. 410 00:37:22,108 --> 00:37:27,714 That bullet got a little more than just the ear. 411 00:37:27,747 --> 00:37:30,650 Speaking of Melania, Trump gave a rare TV interview 412 00:37:30,684 --> 00:37:32,452 this week in which she blamed Democrats 413 00:37:32,485 --> 00:37:33,887 for creating conditions 414 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,256 that led to Trump's assassination attempts. 415 00:37:36,289 --> 00:37:37,590 Which is ridiculous. 416 00:37:37,624 --> 00:37:40,694 When Democrats want to take out a presidential candidate, 417 00:37:40,727 --> 00:37:43,730 they get the job done. 418 00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:49,502 On Friday, New York mayor 419 00:37:49,536 --> 00:37:52,839 on Friday, New York Mayor Eric Adams surrendered to federal 420 00:37:52,872 --> 00:37:54,974 authorities and was arraigned on corruption 421 00:37:55,075 --> 00:37:56,643 and bribery charges, where he pleaded. 422 00:37:56,676 --> 00:37:57,377 Don't hate the play. 423 00:37:57,410 --> 00:38:00,613 I hate the game. 424 00:38:00,647 --> 00:38:02,382 At the out of the charge, he said. 425 00:38:02,415 --> 00:38:03,683 We are not surprised. 426 00:38:03,717 --> 00:38:07,921 We expected this, you know, because of all the bribery. 427 00:38:08,021 --> 00:38:09,556 Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo 428 00:38:09,589 --> 00:38:13,026 is reportedly already interested in running for mayor. 429 00:38:13,059 --> 00:38:17,163 Damn, he moves faster than Covid through a nursing home. 430 00:38:22,302 --> 00:38:24,471 A Senate report on the first Trump 431 00:38:24,504 --> 00:38:26,840 assassination attempt says one of the biggest issues 432 00:38:26,873 --> 00:38:28,274 were technical problems, 433 00:38:28,308 --> 00:38:32,178 including delays in emails after the sniper was spotted. 434 00:38:32,212 --> 00:38:34,214 Emails. 435 00:38:34,247 --> 00:38:36,282 Who sees an assassin and is like, 436 00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:40,453 I better open outlook? 437 00:38:40,487 --> 00:38:41,354 Hey, sorry 438 00:38:42,455 --> 00:38:44,457 for the mass email, but there's a sniper on the roof. 439 00:38:44,491 --> 00:38:47,494 Please respond by end of day. 440 00:38:49,329 --> 00:38:50,630 The Senate report also says 441 00:38:50,663 --> 00:38:53,500 there were delays in texts after spotting the sniper. 442 00:38:53,533 --> 00:38:56,169 Like this one that read lol just saw this. 443 00:38:56,202 --> 00:38:59,673 Sorry, which roof? 444 00:38:59,706 --> 00:39:02,709 Hashtag Mercury in retrograde. 445 00:39:03,677 --> 00:39:05,912 Kamala Harris released an 81 page book 446 00:39:06,012 --> 00:39:08,048 outlining her economic policy. 447 00:39:08,081 --> 00:39:11,084 Because you know how women like to go on and on and on. 448 00:39:15,422 --> 00:39:18,124 During a campaign stop at a Pennsylvania supermarket, 449 00:39:18,158 --> 00:39:21,895 Donald Trump gave a woman buying groceries $100 450 00:39:21,928 --> 00:39:25,031 because at this point, his knee jerk reaction to seeing a woman 451 00:39:25,031 --> 00:39:28,034 is to pay her off. 452 00:39:33,373 --> 00:39:35,041 On Friday, Vice President Harris 453 00:39:35,075 --> 00:39:36,343 traveled to the southern border, 454 00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:37,944 where she attacked Trump for his role 455 00:39:38,044 --> 00:39:40,246 in preventing a congressional border deal. 456 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,848 But it didn't look good that during her 457 00:39:41,881 --> 00:39:45,885 speech, 30 migrants snuck in behind her. 458 00:39:45,919 --> 00:39:48,054 And even worse, she handed every one of them 459 00:39:48,054 --> 00:39:51,057 a voter registration for. 460 00:39:52,058 --> 00:39:53,860 The Biden administration has proposed 461 00:39:53,893 --> 00:39:56,663 banning the use of Chinese made car software, 462 00:39:56,696 --> 00:40:00,900 which is almost as dangerous as Chinese made drivers. 463 00:40:04,871 --> 00:40:09,175 In the 90s. 464 00:40:09,209 --> 00:40:11,811 Donald Trump said this week that Americans will travel 465 00:40:11,845 --> 00:40:16,282 to Mars in his next term, probably to get an abortion. 466 00:40:19,352 --> 00:40:22,255 An attorney for duty said that his client wants to testify 467 00:40:22,288 --> 00:40:23,256 at his trial, saying, 468 00:40:23,289 --> 00:40:25,825 I don't know that I can keep him off the stand 469 00:40:25,859 --> 00:40:28,862 because you can't hold a guy back wearing all that baby oil. 470 00:40:32,732 --> 00:40:34,367 To the 90s. 471 00:40:34,401 --> 00:40:35,168 Sean Combs, 472 00:40:35,201 --> 00:40:36,202 his defense attorney, 473 00:40:36,236 --> 00:40:39,105 also argued that his client is not like our Kelly. 474 00:40:39,139 --> 00:40:41,508 First of all, never a great sign when the first person 475 00:40:41,541 --> 00:40:43,109 you compare your client to is ha! 476 00:40:43,143 --> 00:40:44,811 Kelly. 477 00:40:44,844 --> 00:40:46,079 But I have to agree. It's true. 478 00:40:46,112 --> 00:40:47,781 Diddy is nothing like our Kelly. 479 00:40:47,814 --> 00:40:50,817 I mean, our Kelly songs are good. 480 00:40:54,254 --> 00:40:56,823 Senator Raphael Warnock criticized 481 00:40:56,856 --> 00:41:00,493 Mark Robinson, calling him white supremacy in blackface, 482 00:41:00,527 --> 00:41:03,496 which is also the name of Colin special. 483 00:41:09,069 --> 00:41:12,072 Hoda Kotb announced that she is leaving the today show. 484 00:41:12,105 --> 00:41:15,842 Hoda says she will remember her time on the show fondly and not 485 00:41:15,875 --> 00:41:17,577 at all. 486 00:41:19,946 --> 00:41:21,681 Hoda Kotb will be replaced 487 00:41:21,715 --> 00:41:24,718 by oh no, Matt Lauer be. 488 00:41:27,287 --> 00:41:29,422 New York City Mayor Eric Adams was indicted 489 00:41:29,456 --> 00:41:31,157 this week on multiple federal charges, 490 00:41:31,191 --> 00:41:32,892 including bribery and wire fraud, 491 00:41:32,926 --> 00:41:36,262 for the first time in the history of New York 492 00:41:36,296 --> 00:41:38,098 that a sitting mayor has been indicted. 493 00:41:38,098 --> 00:41:41,101 Hit a comment is Mayor Eric Adams. 494 00:41:44,004 --> 00:41:46,172 Welcome to Look at Us. 495 00:41:46,206 --> 00:41:46,940 Made two New. 496 00:41:46,973 --> 00:41:49,843 York City legends. Let's go. 497 00:41:49,876 --> 00:41:52,979 I don't know about that, man, but thank you, Mr. 498 00:41:53,013 --> 00:41:54,314 Mayor. How are you feeling? 499 00:41:54,347 --> 00:41:56,116 honestly, I'm feeling relieved. 500 00:41:56,116 --> 00:41:58,985 Really? No, 501 00:41:59,019 --> 00:42:00,553 but I am feeling determined. 502 00:42:00,587 --> 00:42:02,288 All right. I'm the innocent man. 503 00:42:02,322 --> 00:42:03,656 I mean, look at me, Michael. 504 00:42:03,690 --> 00:42:05,392 All right, my fingers are steep. 505 00:42:05,425 --> 00:42:07,961 My smile is optimistic, 506 00:42:08,061 --> 00:42:11,064 and my vocabulary is a vicious. 507 00:42:11,297 --> 00:42:12,866 Got a little earring on blow. 508 00:42:12,899 --> 00:42:14,734 You know, my arms muscling out the shirt, 509 00:42:14,768 --> 00:42:16,069 my bracelets jangling. 510 00:42:16,069 --> 00:42:18,938 Don't look guilty to you, Michael. I mean, yeah, kind of. 511 00:42:20,373 --> 00:42:22,509 Listen, Michael, I spent every single day 512 00:42:22,542 --> 00:42:24,611 with the working people in this city, all right? 513 00:42:24,644 --> 00:42:28,415 The dancers, the bottom girls, fat Joe. 514 00:42:29,749 --> 00:42:31,084 And they say the same thing. 515 00:42:31,117 --> 00:42:34,154 They say, thank you for bringing swagger back to the city. 516 00:42:34,187 --> 00:42:35,855 What was once a swagger. 517 00:42:35,889 --> 00:42:38,892 This dump is now a swag trap. 518 00:42:38,925 --> 00:42:43,129 This was significantly more crime than before. 519 00:42:44,197 --> 00:42:45,331 Yeah, well, there's a whole platform 520 00:42:45,365 --> 00:42:48,268 to get crime off the streets. Yes, and I did do that. 521 00:42:48,301 --> 00:42:49,969 I got crime off the streets 522 00:42:50,003 --> 00:42:53,006 and onto the sidewalk in the subway. 523 00:42:53,506 --> 00:42:55,975 I was also the first mayor to get out of the office 524 00:42:56,009 --> 00:42:57,310 and into the VIP. 525 00:42:57,344 --> 00:42:58,745 You know where we hang out, Michael. Che. 526 00:42:58,778 --> 00:43:01,381 No, we don't hang out. Stop. 527 00:43:01,414 --> 00:43:02,649 Sometimes we do hang out, though. 528 00:43:02,682 --> 00:43:03,683 We don't hang out. 529 00:43:03,717 --> 00:43:05,952 Look, the internet would have you to believe 530 00:43:06,052 --> 00:43:07,454 that I have done nothing as the mayor. 531 00:43:07,487 --> 00:43:10,090 But look, I did that little police robot. Bo, 532 00:43:11,324 --> 00:43:12,625 I invented the trash can. 533 00:43:12,659 --> 00:43:14,661 Bang! 534 00:43:14,694 --> 00:43:16,296 Also, I declare war on the rats. 535 00:43:16,329 --> 00:43:19,265 And yes, the rats are presently winning. 536 00:43:19,299 --> 00:43:21,267 But the game ain't over, baby. 537 00:43:21,301 --> 00:43:23,403 Yeah, I did a whole lot of things. 538 00:43:23,436 --> 00:43:25,271 We both did. Michael che? 539 00:43:25,305 --> 00:43:26,539 We did not. 540 00:43:26,573 --> 00:43:27,307 We had to. Not. 541 00:43:27,340 --> 00:43:28,908 However, you did favors 542 00:43:28,942 --> 00:43:31,945 for the Turkish government in exchange for expensive trips. 543 00:43:33,079 --> 00:43:35,849 So you want your mayor and coach, 544 00:43:35,882 --> 00:43:36,983 You want me in the back room? 545 00:43:37,083 --> 00:43:39,486 My legs are cramped, my mouth all dry from the biscotti. 546 00:43:39,519 --> 00:43:41,154 That's what you want? 547 00:43:41,187 --> 00:43:41,988 Nah, no. 548 00:43:42,088 --> 00:43:44,290 New York City needs me in first class. 549 00:43:44,324 --> 00:43:48,995 Shoes off, tie off bracelets on them, my shoulders 550 00:43:49,095 --> 00:43:50,930 rubbed by a nice Turkish lady named Bahar. 551 00:43:50,964 --> 00:43:53,967 Thank you baby. 552 00:43:54,367 --> 00:43:55,368 Well, why? 553 00:43:55,402 --> 00:43:58,304 Why Turkey? Hey. Two words Michael. Gobble, gobble. 554 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,375 I love me some turkey, man. 555 00:44:02,409 --> 00:44:04,177 Have you ever had a Turkish delight? 556 00:44:04,210 --> 00:44:07,213 It's a briefcase with $100,000 in it. 557 00:44:07,847 --> 00:44:09,349 All right, so this is. 558 00:44:09,382 --> 00:44:11,718 I mean, la la la la la even that. 559 00:44:11,751 --> 00:44:13,820 Come on, man, that sounds really illegal. 560 00:44:13,853 --> 00:44:16,389 No, it's fine man. Do not worry too much, all right? 561 00:44:16,423 --> 00:44:19,526 Just know that whatever happens, I will not snitch on you. 562 00:44:19,559 --> 00:44:21,895 Dude, we are not friends. 563 00:44:21,928 --> 00:44:22,562 We are friends. 564 00:44:22,595 --> 00:44:23,963 We are also New Yorkers. 565 00:44:24,064 --> 00:44:26,066 Why don't you actually live in new Jersey? 566 00:44:26,066 --> 00:44:29,069 I live in disguise. Maybe 567 00:44:29,069 --> 00:44:29,936 Turkish Airlines. 568 00:44:29,969 --> 00:44:33,073 Because you are not safe on the subway. 569 00:44:33,106 --> 00:44:34,074 Is everybody. 570 00:44:34,074 --> 00:44:36,776 Free? Didi. Whoa! Oh! 571 00:44:44,117 --> 00:44:47,153 Actress Meryl Streep spoke at the UN and warned 572 00:44:47,187 --> 00:44:51,291 that a cat has more freedom in Afghanistan than a woman does, 573 00:44:51,324 --> 00:44:57,230 which raises an important question what is the UN? 574 00:44:57,263 --> 00:45:00,033 According to a new report. 575 00:45:00,066 --> 00:45:02,035 According to a new report, scientists 576 00:45:02,035 --> 00:45:04,037 now believe they have pinpointed 577 00:45:04,037 --> 00:45:06,706 where the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs came from. 578 00:45:06,740 --> 00:45:09,743 Space. 579 00:45:12,212 --> 00:45:15,248 I thought you guys would be more whatever. 580 00:45:15,281 --> 00:45:17,917 A new Netflix show about convicted murderers 581 00:45:17,951 --> 00:45:20,820 Eric and Loud Menendez is being criticized for implying 582 00:45:20,854 --> 00:45:23,857 the brothers had incestuous relationship, said the brothers. 583 00:45:23,890 --> 00:45:26,893 We're just glad our parents aren't around to see this. 584 00:45:32,532 --> 00:45:33,333 that's a sweet one. 585 00:45:33,366 --> 00:45:35,301 Yeah. That's sweet. 586 00:45:35,335 --> 00:45:37,904 This week, Mark Zuckerberg demonstrated Meta's 587 00:45:37,937 --> 00:45:42,242 new augmented reality smart glasses, explains Zuckerberg. 588 00:45:42,275 --> 00:45:45,278 Banana. 589 00:45:49,349 --> 00:45:52,352 Did you really clap for that. 590 00:45:53,953 --> 00:45:55,822 A family reported that their pet cat, 591 00:45:55,855 --> 00:45:57,557 which went missing in Yellowstone 592 00:45:57,590 --> 00:46:01,127 National Park two months ago, reappeared at their home 800 593 00:46:01,161 --> 00:46:04,731 miles away after being chased by a mob of hungry Haitians. 594 00:46:10,603 --> 00:46:13,573 I'm glad you said it. 595 00:46:13,606 --> 00:46:16,810 Astronomers say that an asteroid the size of a school bus 596 00:46:16,843 --> 00:46:17,844 will soon enter 597 00:46:17,877 --> 00:46:21,581 Earth's orbit, temporarily becoming a new mini moon 598 00:46:21,614 --> 00:46:24,617 and making our moon look like an old fat bitch. 599 00:46:28,221 --> 00:46:29,189 I didn't know we could do that. 600 00:46:29,222 --> 00:46:32,192 A couple in Washington state were arrested after 601 00:46:32,225 --> 00:46:36,496 they tried to sell their baby for $1,000 and some beer. 602 00:46:36,529 --> 00:46:38,732 And I'll give you one guess which one of them said. 603 00:46:38,765 --> 00:46:41,768 And some beer. 604 00:46:43,136 --> 00:46:45,805 A number of TikTok users have been posting videos 605 00:46:45,839 --> 00:46:50,110 that use AI to translate Adolf Hitler's speeches into English. 606 00:46:50,143 --> 00:46:52,946 Let's take a look. They're eating the dog. 607 00:46:52,979 --> 00:46:54,414 It's the people that came in. 608 00:46:54,447 --> 00:46:57,417 They're eating the cats. 609 00:47:07,927 --> 00:47:09,329 Well, guys, 610 00:47:09,362 --> 00:47:13,133 this summer, a two month old pygmy hippo in Thailand 611 00:47:13,166 --> 00:47:14,367 named Moo Deng 612 00:47:14,401 --> 00:47:17,170 became a viral sensation, causing huge crowds 613 00:47:17,203 --> 00:47:18,705 at her zoo enclosure, 614 00:47:18,738 --> 00:47:21,708 with some unruly fans throwing bananas and shellfish 615 00:47:21,741 --> 00:47:23,209 at her to get her attention. 616 00:47:23,243 --> 00:47:24,878 Here to comment is Moo Deng 617 00:47:33,386 --> 00:47:34,554 Stop! 618 00:47:34,587 --> 00:47:37,257 Stop clapping. 619 00:47:37,290 --> 00:47:38,758 Hi, Collin. 620 00:47:38,792 --> 00:47:40,427 Is it okay if I say something? 621 00:47:40,460 --> 00:47:41,661 Is it okay to say something? 622 00:47:41,695 --> 00:47:44,431 Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Moo Deng 623 00:47:44,464 --> 00:47:46,399 For the past ten weeks, 624 00:47:46,433 --> 00:47:49,969 I've been going nonstop, running around, 625 00:47:50,070 --> 00:47:53,173 eating lettuce, trying to bite the hose from a water. 626 00:47:53,206 --> 00:47:56,076 The water from the hose. 627 00:47:56,109 --> 00:47:58,078 And the response has been overwhelming. 628 00:47:58,078 --> 00:48:00,847 But it has come to the point where I need to set 629 00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:02,582 some boundaries. 630 00:48:02,615 --> 00:48:03,850 Oh, you need to set boundaries. 631 00:48:03,883 --> 00:48:07,153 Reminder women owe you nothing. 632 00:48:07,187 --> 00:48:10,123 When I'm in my enclosure, tripping over stuff, 633 00:48:10,156 --> 00:48:12,092 biting my trainer's knee. 634 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,260 I am at work. 635 00:48:14,294 --> 00:48:16,262 That is the project. 636 00:48:16,296 --> 00:48:19,165 Do not yell my name or expect a photo. 637 00:48:19,199 --> 00:48:22,168 Just because I'm your parasocial bestie. 638 00:48:22,202 --> 00:48:24,571 Or because you appreciate my talent? 639 00:48:24,604 --> 00:48:26,406 Your talent? What is your talent? 640 00:48:26,439 --> 00:48:28,675 Having a slippery body that bounces. 641 00:48:28,708 --> 00:48:30,176 Colin 642 00:48:30,210 --> 00:48:30,744 before me. 643 00:48:31,811 --> 00:48:33,947 The only hippos in media where either hungry, hungry 644 00:48:34,047 --> 00:48:37,050 or Jada Pinkett Smith in Madagascar. 645 00:48:37,083 --> 00:48:39,319 But now I'm your favorite 646 00:48:39,352 --> 00:48:42,422 hippo's favorite hippo. 647 00:48:42,455 --> 00:48:44,157 And I'm thirsty. 648 00:48:44,190 --> 00:48:45,091 Thirsty? 649 00:48:45,125 --> 00:48:48,128 Hose 650 00:48:53,433 --> 00:48:56,436 Sorry, I needed that. 651 00:48:57,771 --> 00:48:59,139 Back. 652 00:48:59,172 --> 00:49:00,340 I'm sorry. Moo Deng 653 00:49:00,373 --> 00:49:03,576 I must be so stressful having the whole world watching you. 654 00:49:03,610 --> 00:49:06,012 Honestly, Colin, sometimes I feel like 655 00:49:06,012 --> 00:49:07,313 I live my life in a cage. 656 00:49:07,347 --> 00:49:08,214 You know, 657 00:49:09,315 --> 00:49:11,751 like an animal trapped in a zoo for people to look at. 658 00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,020 Well, that's kind of what you are. 659 00:49:14,054 --> 00:49:16,890 No, Colin, I have a career. Okay. 660 00:49:16,923 --> 00:49:20,593 I've been approached by brands Maybelline, away luggage. 661 00:49:20,627 --> 00:49:23,496 But I will only stand behind products that I believe in, 662 00:49:23,530 --> 00:49:25,732 like sweet potatoes and hose. 663 00:49:25,765 --> 00:49:27,100 Water hose. 664 00:49:32,305 --> 00:49:34,307 Sorry. 665 00:49:34,341 --> 00:49:35,642 Mr. really wanted some hose. 666 00:49:35,675 --> 00:49:36,910 Yeah. 667 00:49:36,943 --> 00:49:40,280 And trust me, I know I would not be in this position 668 00:49:40,313 --> 00:49:43,950 without my fans, my community, my mood. 669 00:49:44,050 --> 00:49:44,951 Dang boo things. 670 00:49:46,286 --> 00:49:48,688 My mujahideen. 671 00:49:48,722 --> 00:49:51,391 But the harassment has been intolerable. 672 00:49:51,424 --> 00:49:51,925 Okay. 673 00:49:53,059 --> 00:49:55,495 Oh, my God, they're throwing shellfish and bananas at me. 674 00:49:55,528 --> 00:49:56,696 Colin. 675 00:49:56,730 --> 00:49:59,699 No. In Spain. Hey. 676 00:50:01,034 --> 00:50:03,670 You leave Moo Deng alone. 677 00:50:03,703 --> 00:50:06,306 Wow. Thank you so much, Colin. 678 00:50:06,339 --> 00:50:09,342 You're got so loud. Now. 679 00:50:11,378 --> 00:50:12,812 That was so. 680 00:50:12,846 --> 00:50:14,481 So brave of you. 681 00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:17,484 You know, I have to say,Moo Deng you know, your life 682 00:50:17,517 --> 00:50:21,121 sounds a lot like Chapel Roans lately, you know? 683 00:50:21,154 --> 00:50:22,489 Do you? Do you know Chapel Roans 684 00:50:22,522 --> 00:50:23,957 I'm ten weeks old, Colin. 685 00:50:23,990 --> 00:50:26,760 Of course I know. Chapel Roans 686 00:50:26,793 --> 00:50:28,795 And by the way, leave her alone. 687 00:50:28,828 --> 00:50:31,598 Let her take as much time as she needs for her mental health. 688 00:50:31,631 --> 00:50:34,200 We both deserve patience and grace. 689 00:50:34,234 --> 00:50:37,804 So stop harassing her and stop throwing shellfish at her. 690 00:50:37,837 --> 00:50:40,640 Yeah, I don't think she has that problem. 691 00:50:40,674 --> 00:50:41,808 No, it's a matter of time, Colin. 692 00:50:41,841 --> 00:50:43,143 This is what society does. 693 00:50:43,176 --> 00:50:44,944 It puts young women on pedestals 694 00:50:44,978 --> 00:50:47,013 only to knock them down with shellfish. 695 00:50:50,050 --> 00:50:52,452 And also, I know I'm only ten weeks old, 696 00:50:52,485 --> 00:50:53,853 but this is very important to me. 697 00:50:53,887 --> 00:50:55,955 So please listen. 698 00:50:55,989 --> 00:50:57,924 I will not be making an endorsement in this year's 699 00:50:57,957 --> 00:51:00,960 election. 700 00:51:01,728 --> 00:51:03,229 The presidential election. 701 00:51:03,263 --> 00:51:04,064 Really? Yes. 702 00:51:04,064 --> 00:51:05,331 Oh, I'm getting stressed out again. 703 00:51:05,365 --> 00:51:08,068 Colin, can I bite your knee? No. 704 00:51:08,101 --> 00:51:08,668 Fine. 705 00:51:09,736 --> 00:51:11,371 See how easy that was to respect people's boundaries? 706 00:51:11,404 --> 00:51:14,507 How's. 707 00:51:14,541 --> 00:51:17,544 This? 708 00:51:18,478 --> 00:51:21,448 Oh, go get my wig. 709 00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:23,750 Moo Deng! 710 00:51:23,783 --> 00:51:29,222 Everyone! 711 00:51:46,406 --> 00:51:47,540 Welcome back to CNN. 712 00:51:47,574 --> 00:51:49,209 The history of the sitcom. 713 00:51:49,242 --> 00:51:51,111 The only show specifically meant to be watched 714 00:51:51,111 --> 00:51:54,214 in your parent's hospital room. 715 00:51:54,247 --> 00:51:56,483 And we all remember the seminal CBS sitcom 716 00:51:56,516 --> 00:51:57,984 I Love Lucy, which debuted 717 00:51:58,018 --> 00:52:01,721 in 1951 and quickly became a feminine dominance. 718 00:52:01,755 --> 00:52:03,957 So sorry phenomenon. 719 00:52:04,057 --> 00:52:04,557 Anyway, 720 00:52:05,392 --> 00:52:06,159 what you might not know is that before 721 00:52:06,192 --> 00:52:07,894 Lucille Ball, CBS had actually cast 722 00:52:07,927 --> 00:52:09,829 a different performer for the role of Lucy 723 00:52:09,863 --> 00:52:12,632 at The Broken, a dramatic stage actress 724 00:52:12,665 --> 00:52:14,367 who was looking to break into television. 725 00:52:14,401 --> 00:52:17,404 Let's take a look. 726 00:52:22,142 --> 00:52:23,209 Lucy. 727 00:52:23,243 --> 00:52:26,246 I'm home. 728 00:52:28,081 --> 00:52:30,550 Who the hell have you been? 729 00:52:30,583 --> 00:52:31,084 What? 730 00:52:31,918 --> 00:52:33,086 I said, where the hell have you been? 731 00:52:33,119 --> 00:52:34,254 Hi, Lucy. 732 00:52:34,287 --> 00:52:36,523 You know, I was down at the club. 733 00:52:36,556 --> 00:52:38,425 For 15 goddamn hours. 734 00:52:38,458 --> 00:52:42,629 Do you think I'm an idiot? 735 00:52:42,662 --> 00:52:45,665 I, Lucy? 736 00:52:49,769 --> 00:52:51,971 Bad, right? 737 00:52:52,005 --> 00:52:53,006 Many people wondered 738 00:52:53,106 --> 00:52:55,942 why CBS would cast a dramatic actress in a sitcom. 739 00:52:55,975 --> 00:52:58,311 But you have to remember, television was still young. 740 00:52:58,345 --> 00:52:59,646 The only TV star up to 741 00:52:59,679 --> 00:53:02,549 this point was a horse who smoked cigarets. 742 00:53:02,582 --> 00:53:05,585 Let's take a look at another famous scene. 743 00:53:07,620 --> 00:53:09,122 Okay, Lucy, 744 00:53:09,155 --> 00:53:13,660 which necktie will be the best for my big performance tonight? 745 00:53:13,693 --> 00:53:16,763 The yellow one or the red one? 746 00:53:16,796 --> 00:53:19,799 Are you gay? 747 00:53:21,201 --> 00:53:22,769 Excuse me. 748 00:53:22,802 --> 00:53:26,139 You have to tell me because I'm tired of living this way. 749 00:53:26,172 --> 00:53:29,142 Lucy, I think you're going loco. 750 00:53:29,175 --> 00:53:29,909 Am I? 751 00:53:29,943 --> 00:53:30,510 Am I? 752 00:53:30,543 --> 00:53:32,145 We sleep in separate beds. 753 00:53:32,178 --> 00:53:35,415 On our wedding night, you ran to the bathroom to throw up. 754 00:53:35,448 --> 00:53:38,451 And frankly, your accent is a little. 755 00:53:41,921 --> 00:53:43,823 How you want me to sound, Lucy? 756 00:53:43,857 --> 00:53:45,225 I'm Cuban. 757 00:53:45,258 --> 00:53:46,159 All right, 758 00:53:47,260 --> 00:53:49,429 then, let me put this in a way you'll understand, too. 759 00:53:49,462 --> 00:53:51,664 Tu soy gay 760 00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:57,103 Lucy, a. 761 00:53:59,139 --> 00:54:00,240 Fun fact about Edna. 762 00:54:00,273 --> 00:54:01,741 After the show, she'd go on to name 763 00:54:01,775 --> 00:54:02,776 hundreds of people 764 00:54:02,809 --> 00:54:05,812 in the industry she suspected of being communists. 765 00:54:06,746 --> 00:54:10,050 And this was in 1992, so that wasn't a thing anymore. 766 00:54:11,051 --> 00:54:12,719 In an effort to lighten up the show, producers 767 00:54:12,752 --> 00:54:15,255 added two wacky neighbors, Fred and Ethel. 768 00:54:15,288 --> 00:54:17,424 Let's take a look. 769 00:54:17,457 --> 00:54:21,261 Okay, you two, where have you been? 770 00:54:21,294 --> 00:54:24,330 You have some answers to provide. 771 00:54:25,465 --> 00:54:28,468 Oh, I know where they were spending my money. 772 00:54:29,602 --> 00:54:31,071 Now show me what's behind your back. 773 00:54:31,071 --> 00:54:33,573 Ethel. 774 00:54:33,606 --> 00:54:36,776 On the other hand. 775 00:54:36,810 --> 00:54:39,145 Fine. We went shopping. 776 00:54:39,179 --> 00:54:43,350 And, Lucy, what's behind your back? 777 00:54:44,851 --> 00:54:46,920 Oh my God. 778 00:54:46,953 --> 00:54:47,787 Hasta La Vista 779 00:54:47,821 --> 00:54:49,456 Papi 780 00:54:52,992 --> 00:54:53,560 Hmm 781 00:54:53,593 --> 00:54:54,461 Interesting. 782 00:54:54,494 --> 00:54:57,097 I guess the Terminator stole that from her. 783 00:54:57,097 --> 00:55:00,033 Anyway, CBS immediately recast Edna with Lucille Ball, 784 00:55:00,033 --> 00:55:01,234 which made a lot more sense 785 00:55:01,267 --> 00:55:02,836 considering her name was Lucy, 786 00:55:02,869 --> 00:55:06,106 and she was married to the lead actor forever at CNN. 787 00:55:06,139 --> 00:55:07,841 This has been history of the sitcom. 788 00:55:29,629 --> 00:55:31,464 Live from the boiler room. 789 00:55:31,498 --> 00:55:35,068 It's the talk talk show with Charli XCX 790 00:55:38,104 --> 00:55:39,506 Eva. Hi. 791 00:55:39,539 --> 00:55:40,140 It's me. 792 00:55:41,074 --> 00:55:43,143 Three, six five party girl Charlie XY ax. 793 00:55:43,476 --> 00:55:44,377 It's my talk show. 794 00:55:44,411 --> 00:55:45,845 When we talk. Talk about whatever. 795 00:55:45,879 --> 00:55:50,083 I'm on a bow with me, as always, is Australian dingo, 796 00:55:50,083 --> 00:55:53,086 twink, Troye Sivan. 797 00:55:56,790 --> 00:55:57,157 Troy, 798 00:55:57,824 --> 00:56:00,360 are you happy to be here? Nah. 799 00:56:01,861 --> 00:56:03,930 Amazing. Let's get into it. 800 00:56:04,030 --> 00:56:07,100 Today's topic is the election. 801 00:56:07,133 --> 00:56:09,602 Election some. 802 00:56:09,636 --> 00:56:11,204 I went viral when I tweeted 803 00:56:11,237 --> 00:56:15,442 Kamala is Brat from a toilet and talk of frescoes which left 804 00:56:15,475 --> 00:56:19,479 everyone from your mum to Jake Tapper wondering what is brat? 805 00:56:19,512 --> 00:56:22,849 So to explain, our first segment is on 806 00:56:22,882 --> 00:56:26,319 the Hunter Biden's laptop brat. 807 00:56:27,220 --> 00:56:30,190 Mark Robinson search history straight Na 808 00:56:31,057 --> 00:56:34,060 from going to NYU, from 809 00:56:34,494 --> 00:56:37,497 NYU na 810 00:56:37,797 --> 00:56:40,800 Amy Adams in Night Bitch brat 811 00:56:41,334 --> 00:56:44,104 Eric Adams indictment now. 812 00:56:45,138 --> 00:56:45,505 And of 813 00:56:46,506 --> 00:56:48,742 course, my aunt's breast reduction surgery brat 814 00:56:48,775 --> 00:56:50,076 So happy for you, Carol. 815 00:56:50,110 --> 00:56:53,446 You can run again. Yay, 816 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:54,080 Zach. Hey. 817 00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:55,749 Things up for you, Troy. 818 00:56:55,782 --> 00:56:57,717 Yeah. 819 00:56:57,751 --> 00:56:59,786 Are you telling the truth? 820 00:56:59,819 --> 00:57:03,289 Nah, it's so gay. 821 00:57:04,224 --> 00:57:05,592 Now it's time to welcome our guests. 822 00:57:05,625 --> 00:57:09,662 Please welcome queer nightlife icon Suzanne Bartsch and CNN 823 00:57:09,696 --> 00:57:12,699 icon Caitlin Collins. 824 00:57:17,504 --> 00:57:19,272 pleasure to meet you. 825 00:57:19,305 --> 00:57:22,308 Thank you, darling, to be here as well. 826 00:57:23,276 --> 00:57:25,545 Now, is this a political talk show? 827 00:57:25,578 --> 00:57:27,781 Tis, babe, let's get into it. 828 00:57:27,814 --> 00:57:29,816 President Biden addressed the United Nations 829 00:57:29,849 --> 00:57:32,519 this week as conflict in the Middle East rages on. 830 00:57:32,552 --> 00:57:34,654 Suzanne. Your thoughts? 831 00:57:34,688 --> 00:57:38,124 Now, it's reminds me of this one night in the 80s at area. 832 00:57:38,158 --> 00:57:41,294 My my best friends, Bob and Diana Ross, 833 00:57:41,327 --> 00:57:44,330 were holding my hair back as I retched in the toilet 834 00:57:44,531 --> 00:57:47,100 and Bob said to me, you've got to clean up your act. 835 00:57:47,133 --> 00:57:48,735 And that's what they have to do in the Middle East. 836 00:57:50,136 --> 00:57:51,438 Totally. 837 00:57:51,471 --> 00:57:54,474 And Caitlin, have you ever done Catman? 838 00:57:56,242 --> 00:57:58,945 No. Did you like it? 839 00:57:58,978 --> 00:58:02,015 Did I like it when I didn't do it? 840 00:58:02,415 --> 00:58:03,917 Exactly. 841 00:58:04,017 --> 00:58:06,419 Reproductive rights are under attack. 842 00:58:06,453 --> 00:58:08,288 Caitlin, what are your thoughts on Snoop? 843 00:58:08,321 --> 00:58:10,056 On the Voice? 844 00:58:10,090 --> 00:58:12,926 Am I going to get a question on current political events? 845 00:58:13,026 --> 00:58:15,428 I wish we could, darling, but it's time for you to go. 846 00:58:15,462 --> 00:58:16,863 So, Julia, for coming. 847 00:58:16,896 --> 00:58:19,899 Thank you. 848 00:58:20,767 --> 00:58:23,436 Our next guest is the bad girl of C-Span. 849 00:58:23,470 --> 00:58:27,240 Please welcome Texas Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett. 850 00:58:29,843 --> 00:58:30,877 Thank you. Tom. 851 00:58:30,910 --> 00:58:33,913 Would you say I'm the most brat, Congresswoman? 852 00:58:34,180 --> 00:58:37,417 I think it's a tie between you and Lauren, though. 853 00:58:37,450 --> 00:58:39,519 But after she got her squeeze debates. 854 00:58:39,552 --> 00:58:41,154 Oggi's. 855 00:58:41,187 --> 00:58:42,188 That's fair. 856 00:58:42,222 --> 00:58:45,291 Now, I have a song on my album called Mean Girls. 857 00:58:45,325 --> 00:58:46,659 And you went viral this summer 858 00:58:46,693 --> 00:58:48,962 for what you called Marjorie Taylor Greene. 859 00:58:49,062 --> 00:58:50,063 What was that? 860 00:58:50,096 --> 00:58:51,097 Bleach blond. 861 00:58:51,131 --> 00:58:53,600 Bad bitch baddie. Oh, 862 00:58:55,068 --> 00:58:55,869 I love that. 863 00:58:55,902 --> 00:58:57,637 I want to hear you pop up on everything. 864 00:58:57,671 --> 00:59:00,306 So this is Jasmine Crockett's mean girl. 865 00:59:00,340 --> 00:59:02,642 Com JD Vance 866 00:59:02,676 --> 00:59:05,879 Smoky eyed sofa sexual, can't order donuts, 867 00:59:05,912 --> 00:59:09,015 but has donut body. 868 00:59:09,015 --> 00:59:11,418 Yes, Matt Gaetz 869 00:59:11,451 --> 00:59:13,019 Punchable pig puppy. 870 00:59:13,053 --> 00:59:16,056 Pervert face car always declines 871 00:59:17,023 --> 00:59:17,891 work. 872 00:59:17,924 --> 00:59:19,392 Gerrymandering. 873 00:59:19,426 --> 00:59:22,429 Crazy shape. Crooked bitch. 874 00:59:22,829 --> 00:59:25,832 Why is that county shaped like a tapeworm with a hat on? 875 00:59:26,833 --> 00:59:28,935 Amazing. Thank you. Jasmine. 876 00:59:29,035 --> 00:59:31,237 Troy, what do we do next? 877 00:59:31,271 --> 00:59:34,441 It's time to GO 878 00:59:34,474 --> 00:59:36,710 well, to play us off, I'm going to sing the song 879 00:59:36,743 --> 00:59:38,044 I wrote about canvasing. 880 00:59:38,078 --> 00:59:40,613 Troy. Bump that. 881 00:59:40,647 --> 00:59:43,083 You say that you're undecided, 882 00:59:43,116 --> 00:59:44,617 but we can't connect to your recap. 883 00:59:44,651 --> 00:59:46,419 Let's work it out on your stoop. 884 01:00:10,477 --> 01:00:15,482 >>> ONCE AGAIN, JELLY ROLL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 885 01:00:15,482 --> 01:00:34,734 ** * THE BROKEN GLASS OF A BOTTLE, AND RIGHT NOW, I GOT TWO SHAKY 886 01:00:34,734 --> 01:00:39,973 HANDS, ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP THEM * HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP IN SEVEN 887 01:00:39,973 --> 01:00:42,676 HOURS THREE MINUTES HARDLY SOBERED UP ALREADY WANT TO QUIT QUITTIN' SWEATIN' IN AN OLD 888 01:00:42,676 --> 01:00:51,685 CHURCH BASEMENT WISHIN' I WAS * NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS, HELLO, MY NAME IS JASON. 889 01:00:51,685 --> 01:00:59,359 * AND I'VE BEEN LOSING MYSELF, I'VE BEEN LOSING MY MIND * * AND I'VE BEEN STANDING IN THE 890 01:00:59,359 --> 01:01:09,436 RAIN JUST TRYING TO STAY DRY * * I WAS SO ASHAMED TO BE IN THIS SEAT TIL I MET A MAN WHO WAS 20 891 01:01:09,436 --> 01:01:12,539 YEARS CLEAN * CLEAN HE SAID EVERYBODY HERE'S FELT THE SAME DEFEAT NOBODY 892 01:01:12,539 --> 01:01:28,355 WALKS THROUGH THESE DOORS ON A WINNING STREAK * * HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HEY, HOLD ON 893 01:01:28,355 --> 01:01:34,227 THE BROKEN MAN IN THE MIRROR CAN'T LOOK AT ME BECAUSE HE'S GUILTY, AND I SWEAR THE LAST 894 01:01:34,227 --> 01:01:38,932 COUPLE MONTHS THAT -- TRIED TO KILL ME. BY THE TIME I SAW IT COMING, WAS 895 01:01:38,932 --> 01:01:44,104 DONE WITH IT ALREADY. * IT'S HARD TO TO RUN FROM IT WHEN IT RUNS IN 896 01:01:44,104 --> 01:01:49,442 THE FAMILY A PROBLEM WITH A THOUSAND MORE IT'S CAUSING DAMN THIS IS EXHAUSTING, THIS IS WHY 897 01:01:49,442 --> 01:01:56,816 I WALKED IN * * I'VE BEEN LOSING MYSELF, I'VE BEEN LOSING MY MIND * 898 01:01:56,816 --> 01:02:04,157 * I'VE BEEN STANDING IN THE RAIN JUST TRYING TO STAY DRY, I WAS SO ASHAMED TO BE IN THIS SEAT 899 01:02:04,157 --> 01:02:13,633 TIL I MET A MAN WHO WAS 20 YEARS CLEAN * * HE SAID EVERYBODY HERE'S FELT 900 01:02:13,633 --> 01:02:22,776 THE SAME DEFEAT, NOBODY WALKS THROUGH HERE ON A WINNING STREAK * 901 01:02:22,776 --> 01:02:30,884 * I'M TIRED OF BEING BROKEN, I'M SICK OF FEELING HOPELESS, WAY DOWN HERE AT MY LOWEST * 902 01:02:30,884 --> 01:02:46,599 * AT THE END OF MY ROPE, AT THE END OF MY ROPE, SO WHAT DO I DO, SO WHAT DO I DO, SO WHAT DO I 903 01:02:46,599 --> 01:02:52,706 DO * * AND I'VE LOSING MYSELF, I'VE BEEN LOSING MY MIND, AND I'VE 904 01:02:52,706 --> 01:03:00,714 BEEN STANDING IN THE RAIN JUST TRYING TO STAY DRY * * I WAS SO ASHAMED TO BE IN THIS 905 01:03:00,714 --> 01:03:07,787 SEAT TIL I MET A MAN WHO WAS 20 YEARS CLEAN, HE SAID EVERYBODY IN HERE'S FELT THE SAME DEFEAT * 906 01:03:07,787 --> 01:03:23,770 * NOBODY WALKS THROUGH THESE DOORS ON A WINNING STREAK, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON * 907 01:03:23,770 --> 01:03:26,339 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 908 01:03:36,983 --> 01:03:37,984 You're watching, Bravo 909 01:03:38,084 --> 01:03:40,487 Later, it's million dollar, one bedroom apartment. 910 01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:44,124 But now we turn to the Real Housewives of Santa Fe. 911 01:03:44,157 --> 01:03:46,593 Things have been tense between Jill and Louise 912 01:03:46,626 --> 01:03:48,862 since the girls trip to Lake Mead. 913 01:03:48,895 --> 01:03:50,196 So we're all getting dinner 914 01:03:50,230 --> 01:03:53,233 at Rancho Mexicana to clear the air. 915 01:03:54,100 --> 01:03:58,571 Oh. Oh, I'm so glad we're doing this. 916 01:03:58,605 --> 01:04:02,042 Sam, I needed to get away from running my new makeup line. 917 01:04:02,042 --> 01:04:03,276 Beauty by Jill. 918 01:04:03,309 --> 01:04:05,812 It's been so much work, you guys. 919 01:04:05,845 --> 01:04:08,381 Oh, give me a break. 920 01:04:08,415 --> 01:04:09,949 Excuse me. 921 01:04:10,050 --> 01:04:12,952 If you have something to say, Louise, just say it. 922 01:04:13,053 --> 01:04:15,889 Well, Jill, you bring up Judy by Jill every five seconds. 923 01:04:15,922 --> 01:04:17,290 I'm sick of hearing about Jim. 924 01:04:17,323 --> 01:04:19,192 Beauty by Jill. 925 01:04:19,225 --> 01:04:20,827 Well, you're not a businesswoman, Louise, 926 01:04:20,860 --> 01:04:22,162 so you don't understand. 927 01:04:22,195 --> 01:04:24,130 Oh, so now I'm not a businesswoman. 928 01:04:24,164 --> 01:04:27,534 My husband and I own businesses all over this town's way. 929 01:04:27,567 --> 01:04:29,769 Funny you should mention your husband, Louise, 930 01:04:29,803 --> 01:04:34,140 because your husband made a pass at me at the Kentucky Derby. 931 01:04:34,174 --> 01:04:36,343 Let's just. He thought you were a horse, bitch. 932 01:04:38,111 --> 01:04:39,879 Hey, who's ready for fajitas? 933 01:04:39,913 --> 01:04:41,748 How dare you say that to me? 934 01:04:41,781 --> 01:04:43,650 How dare you say that to me? 935 01:04:43,683 --> 01:04:45,385 Yeah, Louise, that was way out of line. 936 01:04:45,418 --> 01:04:46,319 Oh, damn this. 937 01:04:46,353 --> 01:04:48,655 Brad, you're not even a business woman. 938 01:04:48,688 --> 01:04:51,424 Oh, so now I'm not a businesswoman. 939 01:04:51,458 --> 01:04:54,994 So now canceled by Bree is not a business case for you. 940 01:04:55,095 --> 01:04:57,097 Just coming in. What? You. Hell. 941 01:04:57,097 --> 01:04:57,764 Louise. 942 01:04:57,797 --> 01:05:00,133 And your house smells, I guess. 943 01:05:00,166 --> 01:05:03,937 Ladies, please, let's not ruin dinner. 944 01:05:04,037 --> 01:05:08,241 oh. Shut up, Yvonne, because you're not even a businesswoman. 945 01:05:08,274 --> 01:05:11,578 Oh, so now I'm not a businesswoman. 946 01:05:11,611 --> 01:05:14,614 So I just need a little room for these that actually get hot. 947 01:05:15,048 --> 01:05:16,816 Maybe if you need to put them down. Put them down. 948 01:05:16,850 --> 01:05:18,918 Tell me how that's by Yvonne. 949 01:05:18,952 --> 01:05:20,153 It's not a business. 950 01:05:20,186 --> 01:05:24,090 Okay, well, Yvonne, this isn't always about you. 951 01:05:24,124 --> 01:05:26,960 I am a businesswoman and a mother. 952 01:05:27,060 --> 01:05:29,162 And when you disrespect my business 953 01:05:29,195 --> 01:05:31,631 by Yvonne, you disrespect my children 954 01:05:31,664 --> 01:05:33,667 and my children's businesses as well. 955 01:05:33,700 --> 01:05:36,870 And that I will not allow that. 956 01:05:36,903 --> 01:05:38,071 So what is this? 957 01:05:38,071 --> 01:05:40,707 I didn't order this, I ordered fajitas. 958 01:05:40,740 --> 01:05:41,808 these are fajitas. 959 01:05:41,841 --> 01:05:42,709 Well, then fajitas are. 960 01:05:42,742 --> 01:05:44,077 Not what I thought they were. 961 01:05:44,077 --> 01:05:47,447 Please take them back. 962 01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:50,350 Karen's husband is 105. 963 01:05:50,383 --> 01:05:52,952 Oh, how dare you! 964 01:05:52,986 --> 01:05:55,989 How dare you bring up my 105 year old husband? 965 01:05:56,089 --> 01:05:59,092 How dare you! Sweetie, please. 966 01:05:59,092 --> 01:06:00,760 The business women are talking. 967 01:06:00,794 --> 01:06:03,630 Oh, so now I'm not a businesswoman. 968 01:06:03,663 --> 01:06:07,300 Take out for profit prisons are not a business. 969 01:06:07,334 --> 01:06:09,035 You know I can't stand this. 970 01:06:09,035 --> 01:06:10,870 You women around me say. 971 01:06:10,904 --> 01:06:13,239 I don't need this. You're an alcoholic. 972 01:06:13,273 --> 01:06:14,441 You're a home wrecker. 973 01:06:14,474 --> 01:06:16,876 And I don't even know what you're doing here. 974 01:06:16,910 --> 01:06:18,578 I'm just trying to put down the Sahara. 975 01:06:18,611 --> 01:06:21,815 Well, they've been very loud, and they made the whole place 976 01:06:21,848 --> 01:06:23,316 smell like they hate it. 977 01:06:23,350 --> 01:06:25,618 Louise, please sit down. 978 01:06:25,652 --> 01:06:27,287 Don't go. 979 01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:30,423 No, Jen, thank you for the lunch, but no sugar, please. 980 01:06:30,457 --> 01:06:32,592 Box. These are for my husband. 981 01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:33,960 You want to take all of us to hate us? 982 01:06:34,060 --> 01:06:35,929 Yeah. He'll eat them up. 983 01:06:35,962 --> 01:06:37,764 Go ahead. Run away. 984 01:06:37,797 --> 01:06:40,834 Your shorts shiny has been in his weird shirts. 985 01:06:40,867 --> 01:06:42,268 How dare you! 986 01:06:43,269 --> 01:06:44,437 Ready to go, babe? 987 01:06:44,471 --> 01:06:47,774 You only use a dent to me. 988 01:06:47,807 --> 01:06:51,111 Nice to see you girls. 989 01:06:51,144 --> 01:06:53,980 Okay, I got the heaters right here. 990 01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:56,549 Could she leave? Yes. Waiter. 991 01:06:56,583 --> 01:06:59,085 Where is her? Is this how you conduct a business? 992 01:06:59,085 --> 01:07:02,022 Sorry, sorry. Hungry? 993 01:07:21,041 --> 01:07:32,052 >>> THANKS TO JELLY ROLL, MAYA RUDOLPH, JIM GAFFIGAN -- I HAD 994 01:07:32,052 --> 01:07:39,793 SUCH A GOOD TIME!