1 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:08,208 >>> GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M DANA BASH, AND WELCOME TO INSIDE 2 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:14,647 POLITICS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] COMING UP, WE'LL GIVE WOLF 3 00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:20,887 BLITZER AN EDIBLE AND AN HOUR TO SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST. BUT FIRST, ON TUESDAY, PRESIDENT 4 00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:26,426 JOE BIDEN WON THE WISH PRIMARY, BUT A NEW YORK TIMES POLL HAS HIM DOWN FIVE POINTS, AND MANY 5 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:30,797 VOTERS STILL HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT HIS AGE. HERE WITH ME IS GOVERNOR OF 6 00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:36,603 CALIFORNIA AND BIDEN ADVOCATE, GAVIN NEWSOM. >> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, DANA. 7 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:40,774 I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S AGE, BUT THEY SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD. 8 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:48,081 HE'S CREATED MORE JOBS THAN ANY PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, INFLATION IS DOWN, THE SHAMROCK SHAKE IS 9 00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:51,551 BACK, AND BEYONCE HAS GONE COUNTRY. THANK YOU, JOE. 10 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:56,356 >> RIGHT. BUT CAN HE MAKE THAT CASE WITH THE SPEED AND SHARPNESS THAT 11 00:00:56,356 --> 00:01:01,728 SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN? >> JOE CAN DO IT BETTER. BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, JOE IS 12 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,165 INCREDIBLE. YESTERDAY WE HAD A BIG MEETING ABOUT THE BORDER, AND HE HAD 13 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:10,837 SUCH COMMAND. HE HAD CHARTS, TABLES, POWER POINTS, HE HAD AN INTERACTIVE AR 14 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:19,913 DISPLAY ON THE APPLE VISION PRO THAT HE PROGRAMMED HIMSELF. THE SOFTWARE MIGHT BE IN BETA, 15 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:25,719 BUT THE MAN IS AN ALPHA. >> I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL THIS IS THE SAME MAN PEOPLE CALL 16 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:32,425 SLEEPY JOE. >> WELL, HE HAS TO SLEEP, DANA. EVEN WHEN HE'S SLEEPING, HE'S 17 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:39,499 ON. THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TAKING A NAP, AND I WHIPPED A BASEBALL AT 18 00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:44,971 HIM AND HE CAUGHT IT LIGHTNING QUICK. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO WASHINGTON 19 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:53,947 WITH KARINE JEAN-PIERRE. >> HELLO. PLEASURE TO BE WITH YOU TO TALK 20 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:58,651 ABOUT THE MOST VIGOROUS MAN I'VE EVER KNOWN, JOE BIDEN. I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND 21 00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:03,757 CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A WHIRLWIND. LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE. 7:00 A.M., SOUL CYCLE CLASS, AND 22 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:10,163 HE LEADS IT. 8:30 A.M., PLAY SPEED CHESS IN THE PARK. 23 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:16,903 8:32 A.M., WINS CHESS GAME, POINTS AT OPPONENT AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. 24 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:24,177 9:30 A.M., MEET WITH JOINT CHIEFS FOR A MILITARY STRATEGY NEATING AND PUSHUP CONTEST. 25 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:30,150 WINS CONTEST, POINTS AT THE HEAD OF THE JOINT CHIEFS AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. 26 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:35,255 THEN, TRAIN TIME. THAT'S ALL BEFORE A LUNCH WHERE HE EATS FIVE WHOLE CHICKENS AND 27 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:40,260 A RAW POTATO. >> BIDEN IS 81 YEARS OLD. ISN'T THAT A LITTLE CONCERNING? 28 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:46,099 >> ONLY IF YOU'RE SCARED OF WISDOM. JOE BIDEN WAS 34 YEARS OLD 29 00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:51,104 BEFORE ROE VERSUS WADE WAS STATED, SO YOU KNOW HE WAS SMASHING. 30 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:56,276 HE DEALT WITH THOSE RESTRICTIONS THEN AS A YOUNG HANDSOME MAN, AND HE CAN DEAL WITH THEM NOW AS 31 00:02:56,276 --> 00:03:01,781 AN OLD EVEN MORE HANDSOME MAN. ASK ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH HIM CLOSELY. 32 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:07,554 >> WE ARE NOW JOINED BY ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 33 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:12,125 I'M EXHAUSTED. I WAS WITH JOE BIDEN FOR THE PAST WEEKEND, AND HE WIPED ME 34 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,394 OUT. >> SO YOU FEEL HE'S UP TO THE JOB? 35 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:19,933 >> DANA, I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A DYNAMO. 36 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:27,140 THIS WEEKEND, WE WENT DOWN TO THE BORDER TOWN OF BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS, AND JOE WENT TO BEAST 37 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:31,144 MODE. HE SAID, WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THIS BORDER, THEN HE WENT UP TO THE 38 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:37,884 TOP OF THE BORDER WALL, FRONT FLIPPED INTO THE RIO GRAND AND CAME BACK UP WITH A FISH IN HIS 39 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:42,122 MOUTH. BUT YOU DIDN'T REPORT THAT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR 40 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:45,125 NARRATIVE. >> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, IT DOESN'T FIT REALITY. 41 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:49,262 >> PLEASE. WE WERE ALL JUST WITH HIM. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US, ASK ONE 42 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:55,001 OF THE NBA'S FIERCEST PLAYERS, DRAYMOND GREEN. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO SAN 43 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:58,805 FRANCISCO. HELLO, MR. GREEN. >> WHAT'S UP, DANA. 44 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:07,647 WE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN? BECAUSE HE GOT THAT DOG IN HIM. >> YOU MET THE PRESIDENT? 45 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:12,118 >> BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE IS STRONG. THAT MAN CAN JUMP SO HIGH THAT I 46 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:17,524 SAW HIM GRAB A DOLLAR OFF THE BACK OF A BACK BOARD AND LEAVE SOME CHANGE. 47 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:23,129 DID YOU KNOW HE DUNKED ON ME? >> HE DUNKED ON YOU? >> YEAH, IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL 48 00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:26,666 TOO. HE WIND MILLED IN MY FACE TALKING ABOUT, YEAH, NEXT TIME 49 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:30,370 YOUNG BLOOD. I WASN'T HAVING IT SO I TRY TODAY PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS AND 50 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:34,841 BROKE THREE FINGERS. YOU CAN'T MESS WITH JOE, MAN. >> GOVERNOR, I HAVE TO SAY WE 51 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:39,679 ALL KNOW THE STAKES HERE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE VOTERS FEEL BETTER. 52 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,349 >> I'M NOT. WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT BIDEN IS TRUE. 53 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:48,421 YOU WANT TO CALL HIM? LET'S FACE TIME HIM. I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY IN THE 54 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:53,960 MIDDLE OF A BIKE RIDE. CAN YOU PUT MY PHONE UP ON THE SCREEN? 55 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,832 >> HEY! HEY, ALL RIGHT! IT'S GAVIN NEWSOM. 56 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:04,137 >> MR. PRESIDENT? >> HOLD ON. I'M JUST GOING TO TURN UP THE 57 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:08,408 VOLUME. JUST GOT TO FIND THE BUTTON. THERE WE -- 58 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:14,781 >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE HE HUNG UP. >> WHILE THE GOVERNOR TRIES TO GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S 59 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:18,785 GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S TAKE A BREAK, AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! 60 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:29,662 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WITH -- 61 00:06:44,804 --> 00:07:09,429 FEATURING -- A FILM BY -- PLEASE DON'T 62 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:16,369 DESTROY. MUSICAL GUEST -- KACEY MUSGRAVES. 63 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:24,411 AND YOUR HOST -- SYDNEY SWEENEY. 64 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:55,075 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 65 00:07:55,075 --> 00:08:02,015 I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. MY NAME IS SYDNEY SWEENEY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 66 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:10,890 YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN ANYONE BUT YOU OR EUPHORIA. YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE ME IN 67 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:17,764 MADAM WEB. BUT I DO HAVE A NEW FILM COMING OUT CALLED IMMACULATE. 68 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:22,635 I PLAY A NUN, SO IT'S PERFECT CASTING. BUT TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED FOR 69 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:26,673 EVERYONE TO GET TO KNOW THE REAL ME. I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME 70 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:31,878 AS THE GIRL ON TV WHO SCREAMS, CRIES, AND HAS SEX. SOMETIMES IT'S ALL THREE AT THE 71 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:39,452 SAME TIME. BUT I'M MORE THAN THAT. I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED SPOKANE 72 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:44,057 RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF WASHINGTON AND IDAHO. I FEEL A BOND TO BOTH STATES, 73 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:49,696 LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHERE ARE YOU FROM, I SAY WASHINGTON. BUT WHEN PEOPLE ASK DID YOU GO 74 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:56,603 TO A TRUMP-THEMED PARTY FOR YOUR MOM, I SAY, IDAHO. IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO BE AN 75 00:08:56,603 --> 00:09:01,307 ACTOR. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY PARENTS DROVE ME FROM SPOKANE TO LOS 76 00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:08,014 ANGELES JUST TO AUDITION. THAT'S A 19-HOUR DRIVE. AND I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THEM FOR 77 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:13,720 BELIEVING IN ME. AND I THINK THE REASON THEY DID IS BECAUSE I PRESENTED THEM WITH 78 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,689 A FIVE-POINT PLAN TO BREAK INTO ACTING. I STILL HAVE IT. 79 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:23,930 CHECK IT OUT. IT SAYS, AUDITION, GET AN AGENT, DO COMMERCIALS AND SHORT FILMS, 80 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:28,034 THEN GET MY SAG CARD. BUT IF THAT FAILED, I ALSO PRESENTED THEM WITH A BACKUP 81 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:34,808 PLAN. NEXT SLIDE. WHILE I'M UP HERE, I DO WANT TO 82 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:39,546 TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF I'VE SEEN ABOUT ME ONLINE. LIKE I ONCE SAID THAT I USED TO 83 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:44,718 WORK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND SOMEONE ONLINE ACCUSED ME OF LYING ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS 84 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:52,492 INSANE. IF I DIDN'T WORK THERE, HOW WOULD I KNOW ALL THE UNIVERSAL 85 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:58,965 CHARACTERS LIKE SHROK, THE MUNIONS AND HARRY PORTER. THEN A WOMAN WENT VIRAL ON 86 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:05,138 TIKTOK BECAUSE SHE CLAIMED SHE'S MY NUTRITIONIST. I'M IN SHAPE BECAUSE I RUN, 87 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:17,917 AVOID SUGAR, AND DO OZEMPIC. BUT THE CRAZIEST RUMOR IS THAT I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY 88 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:22,655 COSTAR GLENN POWELL. THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE. ME AND MY FIANCE PRODUCED THE 89 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,760 MOVIE TOGETHER, AND HE WAS THERE THE ENTIRE SHOOT. AND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE 90 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:31,498 KNOW THAT HE'S THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER AND STRONGER THAN EVER. 91 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:39,072 HE EVEN CAME HERE TONIGHT TO SUPPORT ME. CAN WE CUT TO HIM? 92 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:44,244 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S NOT MY FIANCE. HE'S IN MY DRESSING ROOM! 93 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,212 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. KACEY MUSGRAVES IS HERE 94 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,481 TONIGHT. KACEY MUSGRAVES IS HERE STICK AROUND WE|LL BE BACK 95 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:09,336 IT'S MONDAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IT'S TIME TO TOUCH BASE ON OUR 96 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:14,741 LOGS OF COLD CASES. FIRST WE HAVE TWO NEW INTERNS HERE FOR COLLEGE CREDIT. 97 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:18,545 EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME OLIVIA AND KAIA. GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US 98 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:24,150 ABOUT YOURSELVES? >> HI. >> OKAY. 99 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:29,923 ALL RIGHT. FIRST UP, WE HAVE CASE FILE 442 -- OH, LOOK AT THAT. 100 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:34,427 BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN'S BODY FOUND IN THE LAKE. >> YEAH. 101 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:39,099 THAT'S RIGHT. WE SUSPECT IT WAS THE HUSBAND AND THE MOTIVE WAS AN AFFAIR. 102 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:43,403 BUT STILL DON'T HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PIN IT ON HIM. OUR LAST LEAD WAS A PLANE TICKET 103 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:49,542 WE FOUND IN HIS TRASH, BUT THE TRAIL'S GONE COLD. >> FOUND HIM. 104 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,913 >> WHAT'S THAT? >> HE'S IN DELTONA. >> WHAT? 105 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:58,485 HOW DID YOU FIND HIM? >> INSTAGRAM, DUH. >> YEAH. 106 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:03,356 IT WAS EASY. I LOCKED INTO MY TROLL ACCOUNT AND SAW WE HAD A MUTUAL, SO I 107 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:08,228 PEEPED HER IG, AND HE'S LITERALLY ON GRID. THE RECEIPTS ARE ALL THERE. 108 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:15,902 >> WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD. HOW DID YOU DO THAT? >> WE'RE 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLS IN 109 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:19,839 SITUATIONSHIPS. WE CAN FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE WITH LITERALLY NO 110 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:25,345 INFORMATION. >> MY SCREEN TIME IS 23 HOURS A DAY, AND THE OTHER HOUR, I'M 111 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:29,416 SHOPLIFTING FROM BRANDI MELVILLE. >> ALL RIGHT THEN. 112 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:34,854 COOL, COOL, COOL. CASE CLOSED. I GUESS WE CAN MOVE ON TO CASE 113 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:39,259 FILE 729. LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PRETTY NAKED WOMAN. 114 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:43,463 THIS TIME IN THE WOODS. >> THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS. WE SUSPECT IT WAS HER HIKING 115 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:48,168 BUDDY TONY. HE CLAIMS HE WAS AT LUNCH WITH HIS MOTHER AT THE TIME, BUT I 116 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,803 BET THAT'S BS. >> HOW OLD IS HE? >> HE'S 40. 117 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:58,812 >> SO FACEBOOK. >> TONY'S ON THE LAM BUT BASED ON HIS CELL PHONE DATA, WE CAN 118 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:02,315 LOCATE HIM TO IT, ARIZONA, AND RHODE ISLAND. >> FOUND HIM. 119 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:07,754 HERE. WE'LL SHOW YOU. HIS FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE, BUT HIS 120 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:17,230 MOM'S IS VERY MUCH PUBLIC. SHE POSTS WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A DIARY ENTRY EVERY 121 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,633 DAY. >> ON TUESDAY, SHE WROTE I GOT LUNCH WITH MY BEAUTIFUL SON, 122 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,870 SPLIT THE FAJITAS, I LOVE MY SON. >> WOW. 123 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:27,173 WE ARE REALLY BLOWING THROUGH THESE. ALL RIGHT. 124 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:32,245 CASE NUMBER 904. ALL RIGHT. MAN, ANOTHER GORGEOUS LADY FOUND 125 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,582 DEAD INSIDE THE MALL. >> STOP CALLING THEM GORGEOUS. >> I'M SORRY. 126 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:47,193 CAKED UP? ANYWAY, WE THINK IT MIGHT BE CONNECTED TO A BURGLARY AT THE 127 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:50,897 AUNTIE ANNIE'S. >> THAT'S RIGHT. I FOUND THE MANAGER'S DIGITS SO 128 00:13:50,897 --> 00:14:01,474 I SHOT HIM A TEXT, BUT IT WASN'T VERY BUSSEN, CAP? >> YOU DON'T GOT TO TALK LIKE 129 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,577 THEM. >> GOT IT. >> FOUND THEM. 130 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:15,321 SO I DID A SEARCH, AND THEN I GOT BORED AND ORDERED A SHIRT ON DEPOP, AND THEN DOMINOS WAS 131 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:21,628 LIKE, I MISS YOU, AND I WAS LIKE, FINE, I'LL GET A PIZZA. >> AND THEN FROM TUMBLER, I 132 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:27,067 FOUND HIS TWITTER -- SORRY, X -- AND THEN A TOOK A BUZZ FEED QUIZ. 133 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:31,838 >> I TOOK THAT SAME BUZZ FEED QUIZ. WHY DID YOU GET ANDY COHEN? 134 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:36,476 I AIN'T TRIPPING THOUGH. I LIKE A LITTLE FRUIT IN MY SALAD. 135 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:42,182 >> SO THEN I WATCHED HIS SNAP CHAT STORY AND IT WAS JUST HIM WITH A BUNCH OF SOFT PRETZELS 136 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,652 AND CASH. AND YEAH, I HAVE SCREEN SHOTS, SO YEA. 137 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:51,491 >> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T TAKE SCREEN SHOTS ON SNAP CHAT, THAT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT YOU 138 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:56,262 CAN SEND WHATEVER. >> NO. YOU DEFINITELY CAN TAKE SCREEN 139 00:14:56,262 --> 00:15:02,302 SHOTS. >> I HAVE TO GO. >> WELL, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING 140 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:07,040 TO HAVE A MEETING FOR THAT TOMORROW. ANYWAY, ON TO THE NEXT CASE. 141 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,643 >> PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. >> OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT THIS. 142 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:15,749 A GORGEOUS FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN. >> MY HUSBAND, I THOUGHT HE WAS ON A BUSINESS TRIP, AND HE 143 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:23,690 HASN'T COME HOME FOR SIX WEEKS. >> FOUND HIM. GIRL, HE'S ON LOVE IS BLIND. 144 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:28,762 >> HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? >> ALL RIGHT. 145 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:34,634 WELL, OLIVIA AND KAIA JUST FINISHED ALL THE WORK WE HAD PLANNED FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, 146 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:40,206 SO Y'ALL WANT TO PLAY UNO. >> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS? >> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS? 147 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:44,377 >> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS? >> NO, IT IS NOT. I HAVE TO GO. 148 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:01,361 GONE. >> MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO HOME. >> HEY, GUYS. 149 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:05,398 >> OH, HEY SYDNEY. >> WHAT'S WRONG? >> I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU 150 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:12,038 WITH THIS, BUT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS JUST PASSED. >> THAT'S HORRIBLE. 151 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:17,677 I'M SO SORRY. >> YEAH. >> DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT 152 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:24,951 HAPPENED? >> SURE. GOD, HE WAS ON VACATION IN 153 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:31,691 ARIZONA, AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE A JOKE -- BUT A DONKEY KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS SO 154 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:39,065 HARD HE FELL INTO THE GRAND CANYON. >> WHAT? 155 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:45,972 >> MAYBE LET'S NOT LAUGH ABOUT OUR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED. >> WAIT, YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS? 156 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:50,543 >> YEAH. BUT THE IMPACT DIDN'T KILL HIM BECAUSE -- AND I KNOW THIS 157 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:55,382 SOUNDS SILLY, BUT HE WAS ON ROLLER SKATES. >> SO HE -- 158 00:16:55,382 --> 00:17:00,820 >> SHREDDED THE GRAND CANYON LIKE A HALF PIPE, YEAH. >> WOW, THAT'S -- 159 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:06,793 >> BUT WHEN HE LANDED ON THE OTHER SIDE -- AND I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CARTOONISH, BUT 160 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:14,534 HE SKADOOSH'D OFF A FAT GUY'S STOMACH LIKE KUNG FU PANDA AND EXPLODED ON SITE. 161 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:19,406 >> YOU GUYS AREN'T MESSING WITH ME? >> NO. 162 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:27,480 >> WHAT WAS HIS NAME? >> REVEREND BUTT CHEEK P. ROSENTHAL. 163 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:36,322 >> HE WAS SUCH AN AMAZING GUY. HE WAS 4'3", AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND IMPROBABLE, BUT 164 00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:40,326 1,500 POUNDS. >> HIS DAD'S IN SHOW BUSINESS. >> WHO WAS HIS DAD? 165 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:44,798 >> CHEF BOYARDEE. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT IT'S NOT OKAY TO LIE ABOUT 166 00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:49,769 THIS KIND OF STUFF. >> IF YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE US, THERE'S A VIDEO OF THE 167 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:55,342 INCIDENT. IT'S REALLY HARD TO WATCH. >> HEY, GET A VIDEO OF ME WITH 168 00:17:55,342 --> 00:18:01,147 THIS DONKEY. >> BUTT CHEEK, GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE. 169 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:09,255 >> OW, MY NUTS! I'M DOING IT, I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON! 170 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:31,745 I'M DOING IT! I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON! >> YEAH. 171 00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:38,318 >> I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS. SO IT WAS ALL TRUE. >> YEAH. 172 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:50,063 >> ALL OF IT. >> MR. BOYARDEE. >> FOR LIFE'S TOUGHEST MOMENTS, 173 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,365 >> MR. BOYARDEE. >> FOR LIFE'S TOUGHEST MOMENTS, CHEF BOYARDEE. 174 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:04,611 THE CHEER SQUAD WAS A DISASTER WITHOUT YOU. >> WE WERE TRASH WITHOUT YOU. 175 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,714 >> I KNOW. SO HOW WAS THE GAME? >> OKAY. 176 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:12,185 WE WERE LOSING BAD, BUT THEN THE COACH SUBBED IN A NEW PLAYER, AND HE WAS FIRE. 177 00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:15,822 THE OTHER TEAM COMPLAINED, BUT THERE WAS NO RULES SAYING HE COULDN'T PLAY. 178 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:19,759 >> HE TOTALLY TURNED THE GAME AROUND. EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR FEET 179 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:24,931 CHEERING, AND HE WAS SO CUTE. >> WAIT, THERE'S A NEW STAR BASKETBALL PLAYER, AND I'M NOT 180 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:31,271 DATING HIM? WHAT'S HIS NAME? >> AIR BUD. 181 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:40,280 >> STEP ASIDE, LADIES. THIS ONE IS MINE. >> OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP ROCHELLE? 182 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:46,119 >> MOVE. HEY. YOU'RE BUD, RIGHT? 183 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:55,962 I'M ROCHELLE, HEAD CHEERLEADER. THAT'S A COOL TONGUE. GOD, YOU'RE SO HAIRY. 184 00:19:55,962 --> 00:20:04,371 I LOVE THAT. ARE YOU ITALIAN? SO I HEARD YOU HAD QUITE THE 185 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:10,076 GAME ON FRIDAY. I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THAT. I WAS ON VACATION IN THE VIRGIN 186 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:17,150 ISLANDS WEARING A BIKINI. SHUT UP! I'M NOT EVEN THAT TAN! 187 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:22,122 OH, MY GOD, WAIT, I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE. I AM MICRO CHIPPED. 188 00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:28,962 OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. I'M INTO POETRY TOO. >> HEY, ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. 189 00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:33,500 >> WHATEVER, TYLER. YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT. 190 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:41,174 I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE AND YOU REFUSED. >> HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET 191 00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:45,645 TALLER? >> IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. 192 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:50,517 >> WHATEVER. HEY, BUD, YOU WANT MY SANDWICH? >> SOMEONE IS HUNGRY! 193 00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:55,689 YOU'RE EATING SO FAST AND JUST WITH YOUR MOUTH. WAIT, AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED TO 194 00:20:55,689 --> 00:21:00,860 BE EATING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A GIRL? I GUESS NOT. 195 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:07,500 YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, WHICH OF COURSE ONLY MAKES YOU HOTTER. >> ROCHELLE, ARE YOU SO BLINDED 196 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:12,672 BY THE NEED TO BE POPULAR, YOU CAN'T TELL THAT THAT'S A DOG? >> WHATEVER, TRENT. 197 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:16,843 YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT. YOU COULDN'T BE WHAT I NEEDED 198 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,813 YOU TO BE. >> I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ISN'T RICH. 199 00:21:19,813 --> 00:21:23,083 >> SO WAS I. >> HEY, BUD, READY FOR YOUR WALK? 200 00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:31,458 I GOT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND OUTSIDE. >> WAIT, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? 201 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:36,629 WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME ABOUT HER? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE 202 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:42,335 AND LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU LIKE AN IDIOT? OH, SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO 203 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:45,839 TALK TO ME? FINE. I HOPE YOU AND THAT SLUT ARE 204 00:21:45,839 --> 00:21:53,246 HAPPY BY THE WAY. I HEARD SHE EATS GRASS, BARFS, AND THEN EATS HER OWN BARF. 205 00:21:53,246 --> 00:22:01,621 YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF THOSE THINGS. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT STRICT 206 00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:07,660 ABOUT CONDOMS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, I'LL JUST SAY, BE CAREFUL, K, AND STILL GO 207 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:11,164 ALONG WITH IT. NOT THAT YOU'LL EVER BENEFIT FROM IT. 208 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:16,069 >> ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. >> YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. BYE, BUD. 209 00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:21,408 >> WOW. I'VE NEVER SEEN ROCHELLE GET JEALOUS. 210 00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:26,813 HEY, I'M CANDICE. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS. 211 00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:30,583 AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS. I NEVER LET GUYS WEAR ONE. 212 00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:53,106 GOING TO GET MESSED UP. AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN ONE JUDGE ON THE CASE IS THREE. 213 00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:59,446 AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN THREE JUDGES IS TEN. BUT WHY STOP AT TEN WHEN YOU CAN 214 00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:03,249 HAVE 17? YOU'RE WATCHING BIG BENCH. >> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE 215 00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:13,626 EVERYBODY. >> THANK YOU, BAILIFF. COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. 216 00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:16,629 OKAY. OKAY. HEY, WE DON'T ALL NEED TO BANG 217 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:19,899 OUR GAVELS. THEY HEAR IT. WE GOT A LOT OF CASES AND EVEN 218 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:26,639 MORE JUDGES. SO LET'S START. PLAINTIFF, PLEASE STATE YOUR 219 00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:30,410 NAME. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR. MY NAME IS ASHLEY JOURNS AND I'M 220 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:36,316 HERE TO SAY ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY, THAT MAN IS A THIEF. >> WHY WOULD I STEAL FROM HER? 221 00:23:36,316 --> 00:23:41,688 SHE'S BROKE AS HELL. >> HEY, THIS IS NOT A CIRCUS. THIS IS A 17-JUDGE COURTROOM. 222 00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:44,924 OKAY? AND IF YOU WANT TO WIN TODAY, YOU GOT TO GET A UNANIMOUS 223 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:52,565 DECISION FROM EVERY JUDGE UP HERE. I'M JUDGE CARLOTTA. 224 00:23:52,565 --> 00:24:00,874 JUDGE TONKIN IS THE CRANKY ONE. >> I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS. >> JUDGE HUNK IS THE CUTE ONE. 225 00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:05,111 >> I AM? GOSH. >> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND 226 00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:08,048 >> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND LATIN. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ]. 227 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:10,917 >> AND JUDGE BEN, WELL, HE'S GAY. 228 00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:20,727 NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT. MS. JOURNS, YOU SAID THIS MAN STOLE SOMETHING FROM YOU. 229 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:28,301 WHAT DID HE STEAL? >> MY HEART, MY CAR, AND MY DISCOVERY CARD, BUT MOSTLY MY 230 00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:29,269 HEART. >> OKAY. OKAY. 231 00:24:29,269 --> 00:24:33,707 THIS IS JUICY. NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION. >> WHAT CAN I SAY, YOUR HONOR, 232 00:24:33,707 --> 00:24:42,782 I'M A BAD BOY. >> OKAY, MR. PALEST ARMS ON EARTH. 233 00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:48,388 LET US BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. >> PLUS HER CAR IS WHACK AND HER DISCOVER CARD IS MAXED. 234 00:24:48,388 --> 00:24:55,095 THIS IS VERY UNFAIR. >> WHATEVER INJUSTICE YOU MAY FEEL THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE GONE 235 00:24:55,095 --> 00:24:58,231 THROUGH AS A JUDGE WHO IS ALSO A GAY MAN. >> YOU'RE FINE. 236 00:24:58,231 --> 00:25:04,037 SO MS. JOURNS, WHERE DID YOU MEET THIS MAN? >> I MET HIM AT MY SISTER'S 237 00:25:04,037 --> 00:25:08,408 WEDDING WHERE HE WAS MARRYING MY SISTER. >> THIS IS JUICY AS HELL. 238 00:25:08,408 --> 00:25:12,712 HOW DOES YOUR SISTER FEEL ABOUT THAT? >> ASK HER YOURSELF. 239 00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:19,619 I BROUGHT HER WITH ME TODAY. >> I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT. I JUST WANTED HIS ASS OUT OF THE 240 00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:22,756 HOUSE. >> HANG ON. MA'AM, YOU CANNOT SMOKE IN HERE. 241 00:25:22,756 --> 00:25:29,729 >> OH, I'M SO SORRY. >> OKAY. THESE PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIEST 242 00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:35,869 PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I GOT TO INTRODUCE SOME MORE JUDGES. JUST BELOW ME IS JUDGE SHINER, 243 00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:41,608 OUR SWEET SIMPLE PERVERT. >> MAYBE EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST KISS. 244 00:25:41,608 --> 00:25:49,115 >> NEXT TO HIM IS JUDGE TOOTIE, WHO WE HAD TO HIRE BECAUSE SHE'S JUDGE JUDY'S NIECE. 245 00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:53,086 >> HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHO MY AUNT IS? 246 00:25:53,086 --> 00:25:58,892 >> AND THAT'S JUDGE WANDA WHO GOT HIT ON THE HEAD AND NOW THINKS SHE'S ON SHARK TANK. 247 00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:03,730 >> THE MARKET DOESN'T NEED ANOTHER HARD SELTZER, AND FOR THAT REASON, I'M OUT. 248 00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:08,068 >> DID I MENTION JUDGE BEN IS GAY? >> A GAY JUDGE? 249 00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:15,809 WHAT'S NEXT, A DOG JUDGE? >> WHY, YES, THAT IS NEXT. HOW YOU DOING, JUDGE WOOF? 250 00:26:15,809 --> 00:26:20,547 ALL RIGHT. MS. JOURNS, WE'RE READY FOR YOUR FINAL STATEMENT. 251 00:26:20,547 --> 00:26:24,217 >> WOW. WHAT JUDGE WOOF JUST SAID JUST STRUCK ME DEEP. 252 00:26:24,217 --> 00:26:30,090 I REALIZED NOBODY'S PERFECT. NOT EVEN ME. I'M GOING TO DROP THE CASE. 253 00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:35,829 >> WELL, THAT'S MAYBE THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME. >> NOW KISS? 254 00:26:35,829 --> 00:26:40,667 >> NO, NO, NO. I THINK WE'RE READY TO RULE. >> GUILTY. 255 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:49,909 >> GUILTY. >> CHIPOTLE. >> PANERA. 256 00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:59,085 >> OKAY. I THINK WE ORDERING LUNCH NOW. >> HAMBURGER MARY'S. 257 00:26:59,085 --> 00:27:06,693 >> AND PANERA IT IS. NOW WE END THE SHOW LIKE WE ALWAYS DO, WITH THE WAVE. 258 00:27:06,693 --> 00:27:14,467 >> WHOO! >> COURT'S DISMISSED. GO ON AND SHOW THE LOGO. 259 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:17,370 >> COURT'S DISMISSED. GO ON AND SHOW THE LOGO. >> BIG BENCH. 260 00:27:25,045 --> 00:27:29,816 SUPER EMBARRASSING? I HAVE LIKE AN ITSY BITSY CRUSH ON SOMEONE HERE I THINK. 261 00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:34,154 >> WHAT? >> WHO? LENNY PICKET? 262 00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:38,758 >> NO. BOWEN. >> LIKE, BOYGENIUS, Y'ALL ARE 263 00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:44,431 GIVING GIRL DUMB ASS. >> HE'S SO FUNNY AND HE'S SWEET. OBVIOUSLY IT CAN'T BE ANYTHING. 264 00:27:44,431 --> 00:27:49,235 >> GIRL, YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GO FOR IT. >> BUT ISN'T HE -- ISN'T HE GAY? 265 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:54,507 >> GAY? NO, BOWEN'S STRAIGHT. >> YEAH, STRAIGHT AS THEY COME. 266 00:27:54,507 --> 00:27:59,112 BOWEN JUST PLAYS GAY ON THE SHOW BECAUSE IT'S A SHORT CUT TO LAUGHS. 267 00:27:59,112 --> 00:28:08,021 >> SO HE HOOKS UP WITH GIRLS? >> OH, YEAH, HOT GIRLS TOO. BOWEN PULLS. 268 00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:24,504 >> I HAD NO IDEA. >> HEY, HEY. >> BABY, I'VE MISSED YOU SO 269 00:28:24,504 --> 00:28:28,541 MUCH. >> GINA, WHEN I'M AT WORK, GOT TO CUT OUT THE BABE STUFF. 270 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:40,620 >> IS THAT GINA GERSHON? >> ANYWAY, THE IDEA IS SYDNEY SWEENEY TODD, THE TALE OF SYDNEY 271 00:28:40,620 --> 00:28:46,926 SWEENEY TODD. >> OH, MY GOD. >> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME. 272 00:28:46,926 --> 00:28:53,066 >> IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN WE DO IT. >> HEY, BABY GIRL. WHERE'S MY SMILE? 273 00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:56,536 >> BOWEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STRAIGHT. >> OH, YEAH. 274 00:28:56,536 --> 00:29:00,774 I'M FULL HETERO. THAT'S BETTER. >> SO, WHAT'S YOUR TYPE? 275 00:29:00,774 --> 00:29:09,549 >> OH, YOU KNOW, BLOND, SMART, HEAVY NATURALS. >> OH, YEAH? 276 00:29:09,549 --> 00:29:15,689 >> WHAT'S YOURS? >> ASIAN PODCASTERS. >> I KNOW A FEW OF THOSE. 277 00:29:15,689 --> 00:29:20,093 >> HEY, SYDNEY, ARE YOU COMING TO SET? >> YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 278 00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:31,271 >> WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF LAUGHING WITH THE LITTLE BOYS, LET ME KNOW. 279 00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:37,043 >> SWEEN! >> YOU'RE SO [ BLEEP ] NOT! WAIT! 280 00:29:37,043 --> 00:29:41,181 DO WE NEED PROTECTION? >> IT'S FINE. I'M ON PREP. 281 00:29:41,181 --> 00:29:50,056 >> THAT WAS AMAZING. HEY, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 282 00:29:50,056 --> 00:29:54,060 >> OH. YEAH, I HAVE A LOT GOING ON. >> RIGHT. 283 00:29:54,060 --> 00:29:57,931 TOTALLY. >> PLUS I GOT TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES WITH THE WHOLE GAY 284 00:29:57,931 --> 00:30:00,834 THING. IT'S SORT OF MY MEAL TICKET. >> WAIT. 285 00:30:00,834 --> 00:30:05,138 CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT? >> YOU DON'T GET IT, OKAY? I DON'T WANT THIS. 286 00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:10,477 I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE. >> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? >> IT MEANS GET OFF MY BACK. 287 00:30:10,477 --> 00:30:27,827 WHATEVER. I'M GOING TO PARIS. >> I GOT PLAYED BY BOWEN YANG. 288 00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:32,365 >> WELCOME TO THE CLUB, MAMA. >> WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT HIM? 289 00:30:32,365 --> 00:30:38,104 >> SOME LESSONS YOU GOT TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF. >> I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE. 290 00:30:38,104 --> 00:30:44,978 >> NEVER SAY NEVER. >> NO THANK YOU. >> GET OUT! 291 00:30:50,016 --> 00:30:55,822 >>> OH, YES! >> IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY, WE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR 292 00:30:55,822 --> 00:31:00,427 WEDDING DAY! >> OKAY, DOLL FACE. YOU READY TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP? 293 00:31:00,427 --> 00:31:04,798 >> YOU KNOW I AM. >> ALL RIGHT. BIG REVEAL IN THREE, TWO, ONE. 294 00:31:04,798 --> 00:31:14,441 >> OH, MY GOD! >> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED, ANG AND TRYST, YOU ARE 295 00:31:14,441 --> 00:31:17,177 MAGICIANS. >> WELL, WE HAD AN AMAZING CANVAS. 296 00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:21,648 YOU LOOK LIKE PRINCESS DI -- BEFORE! >> YOU'RE HILARIOUS. 297 00:31:21,648 --> 00:31:27,454 CAN WE GET TWO MORE BRIDESMAID DRESSES IN HERE? >> YEAH. 298 00:31:27,454 --> 00:31:33,960 TWO DRESSES FOR ME PLEASE TO FIT MY FAT ASS INTO. >> JULES, CAN I TALK TO YOU 299 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:38,198 REALLY QUICKLY? OUTSIDE, ALONE. >> WAIT, WHAT? 300 00:31:38,198 --> 00:31:42,602 ARE YOU DOING A BIT RIGHT NOW? >> NO. I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU 301 00:31:42,602 --> 00:31:44,671 SOMETHING. LET'S GO OUT IN THE HALL. >> OKAY. 302 00:31:44,671 --> 00:31:49,542 YOU'RE BEING SO WEIRD, KATE. JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. >> GAVIN LEFT. 303 00:31:49,542 --> 00:31:56,783 >> WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT? >> AND HE WROTE YOU A NOTE. 304 00:31:56,783 --> 00:32:05,392 >> I REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU. I CAN'T DO THIS. >> I'M SO SORRY, JULES. 305 00:32:05,392 --> 00:32:16,369 >> OH, MY GOD. >> SHOOT. SHOOT. 306 00:32:16,369 --> 00:32:20,206 SHOOT. >> I HATE THIS. >> THIS IS SO TOUGH. 307 00:32:20,206 --> 00:32:26,346 THIS IS SO TOUGH. JUST, UM, SHOOT. SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT. 308 00:32:26,346 --> 00:32:34,788 JUST, UM, WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE, IF YOU COULD JUST VENMO US. 309 00:32:34,788 --> 00:32:46,499 >> WHAT? >> I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH. IT'S JUST, IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF 310 00:32:46,499 --> 00:32:51,237 WE DON'T GET PAID BEFORE WE LEAVE, THEN WE WON'T EVER GET PAID. 311 00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:56,109 >> WAIT, DIDN'T WE PAY YOU ALREADY? >> SHOOT. 312 00:32:56,109 --> 00:33:02,248 SHOOT, I'M EMBARRASSED. >> YEAH. YOU'RE SO RIGHT. 313 00:33:02,248 --> 00:33:06,453 >> GAVIN JUST TEXTED. DAMN IT, I KNEW IT. HE WANTS TO EXPLORE THINGS 314 00:33:06,453 --> 00:33:10,256 FURTHER WITH HIS COWORKER SASHA. >> OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? 315 00:33:10,256 --> 00:33:18,732 >> BUCK TOOTH SASHA? >> THIS ISN'T RIGHT. >> MEN ARE DOGS. 316 00:33:18,732 --> 00:33:22,836 >> SHOOT. THIS IS BRUTAL. >> YEAH. 317 00:33:22,836 --> 00:33:26,940 JUST -- SHOOT. WHENEVER -- WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE -- 318 00:33:26,940 --> 00:33:33,513 >> AND NO RUSH -- AND NO RUSH. >> IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE A REVIEW ON OUR YELP. 319 00:33:33,513 --> 00:33:38,852 >> RIGHT NOW? >> IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF YOU DON'T GET THE REVIEW BEFORE YOU 320 00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:47,427 LEAVE, YOU NEVER GET IT. >> WRITE WHATEVER, LIKE MAYBE IF MY FIANCE SAW MY GORGEOUS FACE, 321 00:33:47,427 --> 00:33:51,631 HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT. >> ENOUGH. HE HAVE FIANCE JUST LEFT. 322 00:33:51,631 --> 00:33:56,269 >> I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ANYBODY, BUT -- >> WHAT IS IT? 323 00:33:56,269 --> 00:34:02,308 >> I'M TWO MONTHS PREGNANT. MY BABY WON'T EVEN HAVE A FATHER. 324 00:34:02,308 --> 00:34:06,413 >> SHOOT, SHOOT. HONEY, HONEY, OKAY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. 325 00:34:06,413 --> 00:34:09,683 I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. >> I KNOW. I NEED TO BE STRONG. 326 00:34:09,683 --> 00:34:16,656 >> BECAUSE WE -- WE STILL NEED A PIC FOR OUR WEBSITE. >> YEAH. 327 00:34:16,656 --> 00:34:22,762 YEAH. WE GOT -- SMILE INTO THE iPAD. WE GOT KICKED OFF INSTAGRAM FOR 328 00:34:22,762 --> 00:34:31,204 COMMENTING SNITCH ON ALL OF LEAH REMINI'S POSTS. >> I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL 329 00:34:31,204 --> 00:34:33,406 YOU. >> MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT FOR RUSHING THE WEDDING. 330 00:34:33,406 --> 00:34:39,079 I JUST WANTED TO GET MARRIED WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL ALIVE, AND OF COURSE SHE PASSED 331 00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:46,286 AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO. >> SHOOT, SHOOT. IS THERE ANY SHELL FISH IN THIS 332 00:34:46,286 --> 00:34:47,887 CAKE? >> NO. IT'S A CAKE. 333 00:34:47,887 --> 00:34:52,125 PLEASE LEAVE. >> SHOOT. YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE KICKING 334 00:34:52,125 --> 00:34:56,696 MYSELF IF I DIDN'T MENTION IT, BUT MY BROTHER'S SINGLE. >> HE'S HILARIOUS. 335 00:34:56,696 --> 00:35:00,834 >> AND HE GETS OUT OF HIS HALFWAY HOUSE IN APRIL, SO. >> REALLY? 336 00:35:00,834 --> 00:35:07,440 I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S NICE TO IMAGINE DATING AGAIN. >> SHOOT. 337 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:14,381 >> I JUST REMEMBERED HE HATES PREGNANT WOMEN. >> SHOOT! 338 00:35:30,663 --> 00:35:36,436 >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KACEY MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 339 00:35:36,436 --> 00:35:55,789 ** * MY SATURN HAS RETURNED WHEN I TURNED TWENTY-SEVEN 340 00:35:55,789 --> 00:36:03,797 EVERYTHING STARTED TO CHANGE * * TOOK A LONG TIME 341 00:36:03,797 --> 00:36:10,236 BUT I LEARNED THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE * * ONE IS A GIVER 342 00:36:10,236 --> 00:36:19,946 AND ONE'S ALWAYS TRYIN' TO TAKE ALL THEY CAN TAKE * 343 00:36:19,946 --> 00:36:25,285 * SO I'M SAYIN' GOODBYE TO THE PEOPLE THAT I FEEL ARE REAL GOOD 344 00:36:25,285 --> 00:36:32,258 AT WASTIN' MY TIME * * NO REGRETS BABY I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE 345 00:36:32,258 --> 00:36:38,698 YOU GO YOUR WAY AND I'LL GO MINE * * IT'S BEEN 346 00:36:38,698 --> 00:36:47,407 A REAL GOOD TIME * * BUT YOU GOT DARK ENERGY SOMETHIN' I CAN'T UNSEE 347 00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:59,252 AND I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF * * I FOUND A DEEPER WELL * 348 00:36:59,252 --> 00:37:11,698 ** * I USED TO WAKE AND BAKE ROLL OUT OF BED 349 00:37:11,698 --> 00:37:19,806 HIT THE GRAVITY BONG THAT I MADE * * AND START THE DAY * 350 00:37:19,806 --> 00:37:27,947 * FOR A WHILE IT GOT ME BY EVERYTHING I DID SEEMED BETTER WHEN I WAS HIGH 351 00:37:27,947 --> 00:37:37,590 I DON'T KNOW WHY * * SO I'M GETTIN' RID OF THE HABITS THAT I FEEL 352 00:37:37,590 --> 00:37:44,064 ARE REAL GOOD AT WASTIN' MY TIME * * NO REGRETS BABY 353 00:37:44,064 --> 00:37:51,671 I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S NATURAL WHEN THINGS LOSE THEIR SHINE * 354 00:37:51,671 --> 00:38:04,050 * SO OTHER THINGS CAN GLOW I'VE GOTTEN OLDER NOW I KNOW * 355 00:38:04,050 --> 00:38:18,631 * HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF I FOUND A DEEPER WELL * ** 356 00:38:18,631 --> 00:38:34,247 ** ** * WHEN I WAS GROWING UP 357 00:38:34,247 --> 00:38:39,119 WE HAD WHAT WE NEEDED SHOES ON OUR FEET * * BUT THE WORLD 358 00:38:39,119 --> 00:38:46,659 WAS AS FLAT AS A PLATE AND THAT'S OKAY * * THE THINGS I WAS TAUGHT 359 00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:54,200 ONLY TOOK ME SO FAR HAD TO FIGURE THE REST OUT MYSELF * 360 00:38:54,200 --> 00:39:05,578 * AND THEN I FOUND I FOUND A DEEPER WELL * ** 361 00:39:05,578 --> 00:39:17,490 * MM-MM MM ** 362 00:39:17,490 --> 00:39:25,265 MM ** [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 363 00:39:35,608 --> 00:39:45,151 MICHAEL CHE. >>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." 364 00:39:45,151 --> 00:39:48,588 I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 365 00:39:48,588 --> 00:39:53,593 PRESIDENT BIDEN VISITED THE SOUTHERN BORDER ON THURSDAY AND WAS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER IT IS 366 00:39:53,593 --> 00:40:02,802 BEING SWARMED BY CRIMINALS AND RAPISTS. THAT'S RIGHT, BOTH BIDEN AND 367 00:40:02,802 --> 00:40:09,175 TRUMP COINCIDENTALLY VISITED THE BORDER ON THE SAME DAY, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THE SETUP FOR THE 368 00:40:09,175 --> 00:40:17,050 WEIRDEST ROM COM OF ALL TIME. MY FAVORITE PART OF THE VISIT WAS WHEN TRUMP, WHO LOOKS GOOD 369 00:40:17,050 --> 00:40:24,290 BEHIND BARS BY THE WAY, FINALLY CAME FACE TO FACE WITH HIS SWORN ENEMIES, THE MIGRANTS, AND HE 370 00:40:24,290 --> 00:40:30,663 HAD A PRETTY HARSH MESSAGE FOR THEM. TAKE A LOOK. 371 00:40:30,663 --> 00:40:35,235 >> THEY LIKE TRUMP, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? >> NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 372 00:40:35,235 --> 00:40:42,342 THE MIGRANTS DON'T LIKE YOU. THEY JUST WALKED A THOUSAND MILES TO GET TO THE EDGE OF THIS 373 00:40:42,342 --> 00:40:48,715 RIVER, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY THINKING IS THAT GUY IN A TRUMP COSTUME WAVING US INTO THE 374 00:40:48,715 --> 00:40:52,185 COUNTRY? >> MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE CATCHING UP ON NEWS FROM THE 375 00:40:52,185 --> 00:40:57,390 MIDDLE EAST, ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN LEADER IN THE SENATE. 376 00:40:57,390 --> 00:41:01,795 MANY ARE SAYING HE IS LEAVING BECAUSE OF HIS BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH DONALD TRUMP. 377 00:41:01,795 --> 00:41:05,598 COME ON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE SOMEBODY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T STILL HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL 378 00:41:05,598 --> 00:41:14,641 WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I ALMOST FEEL LIKE THAT WAS 379 00:41:14,641 --> 00:41:22,082 ABOUT ME. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WALKING OUT OF A THEATER AFTER 380 00:41:22,082 --> 00:41:30,090 WATCHING 12 YEARS A SLAVE -- [ LAUGHTER ] -- ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN 381 00:41:30,090 --> 00:41:35,628 IN NOVEMBER. HE'LL BE REPLACE TD BY THE CURRENT NUMBER TWO REPUBLICAN IN 382 00:41:35,628 --> 00:41:42,102 THE SENATE, A FROZEN EMBRYO HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER 383 00:41:42,102 --> 00:41:49,142 REARRANGING A BLIND WOMAN'S FURNITURE -- [ LAUGHTER ] 384 00:41:49,142 --> 00:41:54,681 -- GAVE A MOVING SPEECH ON THE SENATE FLOOR ANNOUNCING HIS RETIREMENT, WHICH MADE ME START 385 00:41:54,681 --> 00:42:03,390 TO ADMIRE MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WATCHING A SINGLE MOTHER SELL HER BLOOD FOR DIAPER MONEY. 386 00:42:04,791 --> 00:42:12,399 >> MISSISSIPPI REPUBLICAN SENATOR CINDY HYDE SMITH BLOCKED A BILL THAT WOULD PROTECT ACCESS 387 00:42:12,399 --> 00:42:19,372 TO IN VITRO VERTLIZATION BECAUSE AS THEY SAY IN MISSISSIPPI, IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE 388 00:42:19,372 --> 00:42:24,611 CONCEIVING, JUST TRY WITH A DIFFERENT COUSIN. AFTER NIKKI HALEY'S POOR SHOWING 389 00:42:24,611 --> 00:42:28,948 IN MICHIGAN, PRESSURE IS MOUNTING FOR HER TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THE 390 00:42:28,948 --> 00:42:35,822 DISHES ARE PILING UP AT HOME. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 391 00:42:35,822 --> 00:42:41,327 >> PRESIDENT BIDEN WENT TO WALTER REID MEDICAL CENTER FOR HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL. 392 00:42:41,327 --> 00:42:48,335 DOCTORS SAID BIDEN WAS FIT AS A FIDDLE IN THAT HE'S OLD-TIMEY AND HELD TOGETHER BY STRINGS. 393 00:42:48,335 --> 00:42:54,841 >> IN AN INTERVIEW, SENATOR MITT ROMNEY SAID HE WILL NOT VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP OVER JOE BIDEN. 394 00:42:54,841 --> 00:43:01,948 SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER MITT ROMNEY. [ LAUGHTER ] 395 00:43:04,751 --> 00:43:08,922 >> WELL, GUYS, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED. ABC HAS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED 396 00:43:08,922 --> 00:43:13,693 THEY'LL BE MAKING A SEASON OF THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE. HERE TO PROVIDE TIPS ON HAVING 397 00:43:13,693 --> 00:43:18,498 CONFIDENCE AT ANY AGE IS A WOMAN THAT'S AGING GRACEFULLY. >> YEAH. 398 00:43:18,498 --> 00:43:23,636 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT, COLIN. I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M A 399 00:43:23,636 --> 00:43:28,308 LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER, AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. GUESS MY AGE. 400 00:43:28,308 --> 00:43:32,445 GO AHEAD, GUESS MY AGE. >> NO THANK YOU. >> GREAT. 401 00:43:32,445 --> 00:43:37,083 BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY A WOMAN'S AGE IS LIKE A SPEED LIMIT, IGNORE IT UNLESS YOU'RE IN A 402 00:43:37,083 --> 00:43:47,127 SCHOOL ZONE. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ANYWAY, YOU'RE HERE TO SHARE 403 00:43:47,127 --> 00:43:50,563 TIPS FOR WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT AT ANY AGE? >> YEAH. 404 00:43:50,563 --> 00:43:54,267 IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKING WITH WHAT YOU GOT. YOU KNOW, SOME OF THESE GIRLS 405 00:43:54,267 --> 00:43:59,472 TODAY HAVE HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE. I'M LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU? 406 00:43:59,472 --> 00:44:04,911 MY CONDO? >> RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE AGING GRACEFULLY. 407 00:44:04,911 --> 00:44:12,585 >> EXACTLY. THAT'S WHY I JUST DO THE LITTLE STUFF, LITTLE BOTOX HERE, LITTLE 408 00:44:12,585 --> 00:44:16,589 JUVEDERM HERE, MY EARS HAVE BEEN LOWERED, AND MY BROWS ARE MY PUBES. 409 00:44:16,589 --> 00:44:19,225 >> OH, MY GOD. >> YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. 410 00:44:19,225 --> 00:44:22,829 >> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GET IT. WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SHOW 411 00:44:22,829 --> 00:44:28,601 COMING OUT, WHAT WOULD YOUR ADVICE BE FOR THE NEW GOLDEN BACHELORETTE. 412 00:44:28,601 --> 00:44:34,741 >> I ALWAYS SAY KEEP THEIR BELLIES FULL, THE GAME ON, AND DON'T WHINE. 413 00:44:34,741 --> 00:44:39,779 >> THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE. >> AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET WORK DONE, BE LIKE MY CONDO, 414 00:44:39,779 --> 00:44:45,852 JUST OWN IT. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. SO WHEN I GET TWEAKS, I ADMIT 415 00:44:45,852 --> 00:44:50,457 IT. I'LL ADMIT, I'VE HAD THE JURY SEN TAKE A LITTLE OFF MY ASS AND 416 00:44:50,457 --> 00:44:55,562 PUT IT IN MY LIPS. BUT HE PROMISED IF I TAKE CRAP, HE'LL PUT IT BACK. 417 00:44:55,562 --> 00:45:02,335 SO FAR, NO CRAP. >> THAT'S GENUINELY DISGUSTING. >> YOU DON'T GET IT. 418 00:45:02,335 --> 00:45:08,241 YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. PLASTIC SURGERY IS LIKE A JENGA TOWER. 419 00:45:08,241 --> 00:45:16,049 TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, PUT IT ON THE BOTTOM SQUP IT ALL FALLS APART. 420 00:45:16,049 --> 00:45:23,089 WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, JUST REMEMBER THESE TEN THINGS. KEEP THE FRIDGE STOCKED, FRIDGE 421 00:45:23,089 --> 00:45:29,696 FULL, LAUGH AT HIS JOKES, DON'T VOTE, MAKE LUNCH, AND TAKE IT FROM ME, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIS 422 00:45:29,696 --> 00:45:32,499 SON. >> DID YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE'S SON? 423 00:45:32,499 --> 00:45:37,537 >> IT'S SO SAD. SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE FLYING ALL THE WAY TO BRAZIL TO GET A 424 00:45:37,537 --> 00:45:42,308 NEW BOOTY WHEN YOU CAN DRIVE 20 MINUTES TO THE MECHANIC FOR A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT. 425 00:45:42,308 --> 00:45:45,512 >> I'M SORRY, A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT? >> THAT'S RIGHT. 426 00:45:45,512 --> 00:45:51,751 AND THEY CAME FROM A GUY, SO NOW, I CAN SHOW MY RACK ON TV. >> PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON. 427 00:45:51,751 --> 00:45:57,090 I HAVE TO SAY FOR SOMEONE WHO'S AGING GRACEFULLY, YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF WORK DONE. 428 00:45:57,090 --> 00:46:01,327 >> IT'S NOT WORK IF IT'S WORKING. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. 429 00:46:01,327 --> 00:46:05,365 ALL RIGHT. BY THE WAY, THESE ARE DONOR EYES. 430 00:46:05,365 --> 00:46:10,904 >> THEY'RE DONOR EYES? >> I KNOW, RIGHT? WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS, JUST 431 00:46:10,904 --> 00:46:19,846 REMEMBER THESE 40 THINGS. TV IN THE BED BEDROOM, BEER FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM, AND IF 432 00:46:19,846 --> 00:46:24,451 YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIS SON, DON'T FALL IN LOVE. GUESS MY AGE. 433 00:46:24,451 --> 00:46:29,522 >> I DON'T KNOW. 63. >> FLIP THE NUMBERS AND ADD A 0. 434 00:46:29,522 --> 00:46:35,095 >> SO 360? >> OH, A 360? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK. 435 00:46:35,095 --> 00:46:45,105 >> OH, MY GOD. ARE THOSE BINDER CLIPS? >> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 436 00:46:45,105 --> 00:46:51,111 MY PLASTIC SURGEON WORKS AT OFFICE MAX. >> A WOMAN AGING GRACEFULLY, 437 00:46:51,111 --> 00:46:56,516 EVERYONE. >> I LIED. I RENT MY CONDO. 438 00:46:56,516 --> 00:47:05,158 >> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT SOUTH KOREA NOW HAS THE WORLD'S LOWEST BIRTH RATE, DESPITE THE EFFORTS 439 00:47:05,158 --> 00:47:13,066 OF SOUTH KOREAN NICK CANN UN. NICK CANN UN. 440 00:47:13,066 --> 00:47:21,641 >> I HEARD YOU. A NEW TREND AMONG PARENTS IS TO CHOOSE BABY NAMES THAT SOUND 441 00:47:21,641 --> 00:47:30,050 COOL AS TIKTOK HANDLES. GREAT NEWS FOR LITTLE BABY TRICK SHOT COVID HOAX. 442 00:47:30,050 --> 00:47:35,555 FLACO, THE BELOVED OWL THAT ESCAPED FROM THE CENTRAL PARK ZOO DIED LAST WEEK AFTER HE FLEW 443 00:47:35,555 --> 00:47:46,066 INTO A BUILDING. FLACO WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS FAMOUS LAST WORDS, OH, COOL, 444 00:47:46,066 --> 00:47:52,639 ANOTHER OWL. >> STATEN ISLAND OFFICIALS ARE HOLDING A SEPARATE ST. PATRICK'S 445 00:47:52,639 --> 00:47:59,312 DAY PARADE THAT WILL WELCOME LBGTQ GROUPS WHO WERE BANNED FROM THE OFFICIAL PARADE. 446 00:47:59,312 --> 00:48:03,750 SADLY ON STATEN ISLAND, LBGTQ STANDS FOR LET'S GO BULLY THE QUEERS. 447 00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:09,889 I KNOW. THAT'S A -- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SHOULD STAND FOR. 448 00:48:09,889 --> 00:48:17,163 >> I FEEL ATTACKED. A NEW STUDY CLAIMS FREMONT, CALIFORNIA IS THE HAPPIEST CITY 449 00:48:17,163 --> 00:48:23,770 IN AMERICA, WHILE THE SADDEST CITY IN AMERICA IS ONCE AGAIN PUPPY GRAVE, INDIANA. 450 00:48:23,770 --> 00:48:30,810 WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS THE FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF MITCH McCONNELL. 451 00:48:30,810 --> 00:48:38,618 >> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH, WHICH IS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 452 00:48:38,618 --> 00:48:49,262 -- WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE, EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE WEEK WHERE IT'S A HUGE BITCH. 453 00:48:49,262 --> 00:48:56,703 >> REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEERED FOR THE BEGINNING? KFC HAS INTRODUCED A NEW ITEM 454 00:48:56,703 --> 00:49:03,176 THAT'S A COMBO OF FRIED CHICKEN AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A 455 00:49:03,176 --> 00:49:04,811 AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A REACTION CALLED VOMIRRHEA. 456 00:49:12,118 --> 00:49:16,623 MALE COMPANION IS PREGNANT MAKING PEOPLE WONDER WHO'S THE FATHER AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. 457 00:49:16,623 --> 00:49:22,028 HERE TO COMMENT IS CHARLOTTE, THE PREGNANT STING RAY. >> MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL, 458 00:49:22,028 --> 00:49:29,235 BOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU. YOU GON' BE A DADDY! >> WHAT? 459 00:49:29,235 --> 00:49:32,339 STOP PLAYING. >> NO, YOU STOP PLAYING. I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE RIGHT NOW. 460 00:49:32,339 --> 00:49:36,710 ALL THIS ATTENTION IS A LOT FOR ME. MAYBE THIS FAME STUFF IS NORMAL 461 00:49:36,710 --> 00:49:45,285 FOR YOU, BUT YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ANIMAL. YOU SEEN HOW THEY DID HARAMBAY 462 00:49:45,285 --> 00:49:48,755 RIGHT? >> PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED HOW YOU GOT PREGNANT. 463 00:49:48,755 --> 00:49:54,160 >> DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING IT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT YOU AND SAY WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT? 464 00:49:54,160 --> 00:50:00,133 I'LL TELL YOU WHO, MR. "WEEKEND UPDATE" AND HIS LATEX ALLERGY. >> WE'RE GOING TO STOP WITH 465 00:50:00,133 --> 00:50:04,871 THAT, OKAY? SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU GOT PREGNANT VIA IMMACULATE 466 00:50:04,871 --> 00:50:10,010 CONCEPTION. >> YEAH, IT WAS IMMACULATE IN THAT YOU IMMACK LATED, THEN I 467 00:50:10,010 --> 00:50:14,547 IMMACK LATED THREE TIMES BACK TO BACK. I WOULD SAY YOU BROKE MY BACK, 468 00:50:14,547 --> 00:50:23,723 BUT I AIN'T GOT NO BONES. >> I DON'T LIKE THIS. SO THIS IS A VIRGIN CONCEPTION? 469 00:50:23,723 --> 00:50:29,696 >> MICHAEL, I AIN'T BEEN A VIRGIN SINCE I WAS TWO, AND THAT'S LATE FOR A STING RAY. 470 00:50:29,696 --> 00:50:33,533 IF YOU MUST KNOW, I GOT A FOUR-DIGIT BODY COUNT. >> HOLD ON. 471 00:50:33,533 --> 00:50:39,906 FOUR DIGITS? >> SO YOU JEALOUS? YOU DON'T NEED TO BE INSECURE, 472 00:50:39,906 --> 00:50:43,276 BOO. YOU PUT IT DOWN BETTER THAN ALL THEM FISH. 473 00:50:43,276 --> 00:50:48,314 AFTER YOU SWUNG BY MY TANK, LET'S JUST SAY A BITCH COULDN'T SWIM STRAIGHT FOR WEEKS. 474 00:50:48,314 --> 00:50:56,589 >> CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR A MAIL STING RAY? >> OH, I'VE BEEN NEAR MALES, BUT 475 00:50:56,589 --> 00:51:01,795 NONE OF THEM BEEN MEN. NONE OF THEM BEEN MR. MICHAEL CHE. 476 00:51:01,795 --> 00:51:07,567 >> CHARLOTTE, RELAX. DON'T FEMALE STING RAYS MATE WITH MULTIPLE MALES AND IN THE 477 00:51:07,567 --> 00:51:12,072 SPRING -- >> OKAY, NAT GEO, THAT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS. 478 00:51:12,072 --> 00:51:16,509 MULTIPLE MALES. YOU NOT ABOUT TO HAVE ME ON TV LOOKING LIKE A HO. 479 00:51:16,509 --> 00:51:24,117 YOU TALKING REAL CRAZY SITTING NEXT TO A STING RAY YOU KNOCKED UP. 480 00:51:24,117 --> 00:51:32,359 YOU LUCKY I'M KEEPING IT. I WAS LIKE, DAMN, GUESS I'M HAVING A LITTLE CHE RAY. 481 00:51:32,359 --> 00:51:38,098 >> WELL, YOU'RE NOT JUST PREGNANT WITH ONE. I HEARD YOU'RE HAVING 482 00:51:38,098 --> 00:51:45,405 QUADRUPLETS. >> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH FOUR OF YOUR BABIES? 483 00:51:45,405 --> 00:51:51,611 THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN SUPPORT FOUR BABIES. YOU WORK ONE DAY A WEEK. 484 00:51:51,611 --> 00:51:56,883 QUESTION. WHO'S THE BEST ABORTION DOCTOR? I KNOW YOU THE 485 00:52:13,433 --> 00:52:18,071 >>> OKAY. LET'S SEE WHAT I MADE IN TIPS TODAY. 486 00:52:18,071 --> 00:52:23,877 40, 41, 42 BUCKS. NOT BAD. >> DAMN, I MADE 39. 487 00:52:23,877 --> 00:52:27,714 SO CLOSE. >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE TIP QUEEN TONIGHT. 488 00:52:27,714 --> 00:52:30,717 HOW ABOUT YOU, NEW GIRL? >> OH. LET ME SEE. 489 00:52:30,717 --> 00:52:38,858 >> YEAH. HOW MUCH TIPS DID YOU MAKE? >> 31, 32, $36,000. 490 00:52:38,858 --> 00:52:41,895 >> JESUS. >> WHAT? >> IS THAT LOW? 491 00:52:41,895 --> 00:52:47,000 >> I WOULDN'T SAY LOW. >> YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, TINA. 492 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:53,473 >> WELL, ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR DENNIS. ALL I GOT IN TIPS WAS 12 CENTS 493 00:52:53,473 --> 00:52:58,678 AND THIS NOTE THAT SAID, YOU RUINED MY DAY. >> WELL, THAT'S THE JOB. 494 00:52:58,678 --> 00:53:02,248 IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN SOMETIMES. >> YEAH. TABLE SIX STIFFED ME. 495 00:53:02,248 --> 00:53:05,618 >> YEAH. THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. >> I'M SO SORRY. 496 00:53:05,618 --> 00:53:11,524 I HAD TO RUN TO THE BANK. HERE'S YOUR TIP, NEW GIRL. DAMN SHE FINE. 497 00:53:11,524 --> 00:53:17,097 >> THAT IS INSANE. I SERVED THAT GUY LAST WEEK. WHEN I BROUGHT THE CHECK, HE 498 00:53:17,097 --> 00:53:22,268 PATTED HIS POCKETS AND SAID, SORRY, I JUST GOT LAID OFF. >> WHEN I SERVED HIM, HE SAID 499 00:53:22,268 --> 00:53:27,474 ARE THERE ANY LADIES WHO WORK HERE? >> OKAY, GUYS, RAZZ THE NEW 500 00:53:27,474 --> 00:53:30,910 GIRL. BUT HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S JUST ABOUT GREAT SERVICE. 501 00:53:30,910 --> 00:53:36,883 WATCH. I'M GOING TO GO DEAL WITH TABLE EIGHT. 502 00:53:36,883 --> 00:53:42,122 HI, BOYS. WHO WANTS A REFILL? >> US, US, WE DO! 503 00:53:42,122 --> 00:53:47,827 >> COMING RIGHT UP. OH, MY GOSH. I AM SUCH A KLUTZ. 504 00:53:47,827 --> 00:53:52,565 I AM SO SORRY. >> IT'S OKAY. ANYTHING YOU DO IS OKAY. 505 00:53:52,565 --> 00:53:58,538 >> OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A LITTLE BEER LEFT IN THE PITCHER. WHO WANTS SOME? 506 00:53:58,538 --> 00:53:59,706 YOU? >> OH, WHAT THE HECK. SURE. 507 00:53:59,706 --> 00:54:10,050 >> OKAY. >> OH, AWESOME. THE BEST PART IS I'VE BEEN SOBER 508 00:54:10,050 --> 00:54:13,386 FOR 22 YEARS, AND THAT'S OVER NOW. >> HEY, CAN WE BUY YOU A CAR OR 509 00:54:13,386 --> 00:54:21,628 SOMETHING? >> YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS. SEE. 510 00:54:21,628 --> 00:54:25,965 WAS THAT SO HARD? >> YOU SPILLED ALL OVER THEM AND MADE ONE GUY RELAPSE. 511 00:54:25,965 --> 00:54:32,439 >> THEY JUST LIKE YOU. WATCH. HEY, GUYS, I JUST WANTED TO 512 00:54:32,439 --> 00:54:36,509 OFFER YOU A FREE ROUND. >> I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. 513 00:54:36,509 --> 00:54:42,682 I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU. I WANT OTHER GIRL. 514 00:54:42,682 --> 00:54:49,089 >> AND I'LL TAKE THAT. >> GREAT. SO, YEAH, IT WAS A LITTLE 515 00:54:49,089 --> 00:54:50,590 DIFFERENT FOR ME. >> YEAH. EXACTLY. 516 00:54:50,590 --> 00:54:54,728 WATCH THIS. HELLO, MY GUYS. >> NO! 517 00:54:54,728 --> 00:55:02,068 >> OF COURSE. >> SEE. NO OFFENSE, TINA, BUT YOU'RE 518 00:55:02,068 --> 00:55:08,041 MAKING US FEEL BAD AND YOU'RE TAKING ALL OUR TIPS. >> YEAH. 519 00:55:08,041 --> 00:55:10,744 MAYBE HOOTERS ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE FOR YOU. >> OH. 520 00:55:10,744 --> 00:55:16,116 YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THIS PLACE WAS THE ONE PLACE I WOULD FEEL AT HOME. 521 00:55:16,116 --> 00:55:21,354 I'VE TRIED TO WORK AT OTHER JOBS, AND I CAN'T. I WORKED AT AN AIRPORT, NO 522 00:55:21,354 --> 00:55:25,692 PLANES TOOK OFF. I WAS A CROSSING GUARD, THOUSANDS DIED. 523 00:55:25,692 --> 00:55:32,132 BUT IF YOU DON'T THINK I BELONG AT HOOTERS, I'LL GO. >> WAIT! 524 00:55:32,132 --> 00:55:37,504 >> OH, MY GOD, HOOTERS MASCOT HOOTER THE OWL? >> THAT'S ME. 525 00:55:37,504 --> 00:55:43,877 AND I CAME TO SAY YOU CAN'T LEAVE. YOU ARE MY HARRY POTTER, AND 526 00:55:43,877 --> 00:55:50,483 THIS IS YOUR HOGWARTS. SO PLEASE STAY. >> IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO. 527 00:55:50,483 --> 00:55:53,153 OKAY. >> THANK YOU. >> AND WHAT ABOUT US? 528 00:55:53,153 --> 00:55:58,692 >> I DON'T CARE. NOW, I MUST GO. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO ATTEND. 529 00:55:58,692 --> 00:56:05,498 MY FRIEND FLACO FLEW INTO A BUILDING. I'M VERY SAD. 530 00:56:05,498 --> 00:56:09,703 SO IF SOMEONE COULD SHOW ME THEIR BREASTS. >> I'LL DO IT. 531 00:56:09,703 --> 00:56:15,342 >> I'LL DO IT. >> I'LL JUST LEAVE. >> GOOD-BYE, HOOTER THE OWL! 532 00:56:30,657 --> 00:56:45,572 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ** ** 533 00:56:45,572 --> 00:56:50,443 * MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE THIS IS WHAT DREAMS 534 00:56:50,443 --> 00:56:57,484 ARE MADE OF * * ON A CLOUDY MONDAY MORNING * 535 00:56:57,484 --> 00:57:02,288 * SUMMER'S GONE AND YOU'RE STILL HERE FOR BOTH OF US 536 00:57:02,288 --> 00:57:09,829 IT'S BEEN A YEAR * * A TIDAL WAVE WITHOUT A WARNING * 537 00:57:09,829 --> 00:57:18,438 * PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET * * OPENIN' UP 538 00:57:18,438 --> 00:57:25,945 THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN * 539 00:57:25,945 --> 00:57:36,222 * BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE 540 00:57:36,222 --> 00:57:47,067 TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE * * IN MY MIND WE'RE IN NEW YORK 541 00:57:47,067 --> 00:57:54,607 YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE * * BUT BABY NOW IT'S OUR TOWN * 542 00:57:54,607 --> 00:57:59,412 * I'LL ADMIT THAT I'M IN DEEP THAT I DON'T KNOW 543 00:57:59,412 --> 00:58:06,453 HOW ELSE TO BE * * AND I DON'T WANNA SLOW DOWN * 544 00:58:06,453 --> 00:58:15,028 * PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET * * OPENIN' UP 545 00:58:15,028 --> 00:58:23,136 THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN * 546 00:58:23,136 --> 00:58:32,178 * BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE 547 00:58:32,178 --> 00:58:44,591 TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE * ** * OH 548 00:58:44,591 --> 00:58:53,733 MM-MM OH-OH MM-MM * 549 00:58:53,733 --> 00:59:04,010 ** * MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE 550 00:59:04,010 --> 00:59:12,752 IF THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF * * PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME * 551 00:59:12,752 --> 00:59:16,523 ARE MADE OF * * PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 552 00:59:26,933 --> 00:59:31,705 >> DOWN RIGHT UNINVITING. >> IF THESE ARE THE VIBES YOU'RE GOING FOR, THEN WE'RE YOUR 553 00:59:31,705 --> 00:59:36,576 GIRLS. >> BECAUSE WE'RE THE NATION'S NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS 554 00:59:36,576 --> 00:59:43,550 NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS FOR -- AIRBNBs. ** 555 00:59:46,653 --> 00:59:52,692 >> AND I'M CHANNEL. >> AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE YOUR RENTALS POP WITH PLAIN 556 00:59:52,692 --> 00:59:57,297 FURNITURE AND ART FOR NOBODY. >> ART PIECES LIKE -- >> ALBERT EINSTEIN WITH HIS 557 00:59:57,297 --> 01:00:00,767 TONGUE OUT. >> BLACK AND WHITE CHILD HOLDING RED BALLOON. 558 01:00:00,767 --> 01:00:08,375 AND OF COURSE, A SINGLE UNSETTLING PHOTO OF THE FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY LIVES HERE. 559 01:00:08,375 --> 01:00:15,682 WHY STAY IN A HOTEL WHEN FOR BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU CAN STAY IN A PLACE 560 01:00:15,682 --> 01:00:19,319 WITH WORSE SHEETS AND A CAMERA IN THE TOILET. >> HI. 561 01:00:19,319 --> 01:00:24,391 >> BUT OUR DESIGNS AREN'T JUST BEAUTIFUL BUT ALSO FUNCTIONAL. >> THAT'S WHY WE'LL MAKE SURE 562 01:00:24,391 --> 01:00:31,364 YOUR LISTING HAS -- AN IMPOSSIBLY COMPLICATED LOCK BOX, 700 K CUPS. 563 01:00:31,364 --> 01:00:37,303 >> 12-PAGE PACKET ON HOW TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE. >> POLITICALLY AMBIGUOUS ART 564 01:00:37,303 --> 01:00:44,144 WORK, AND OF COURSE A BOAR BODING CLOSE ET LABELED OWNER'S STUFF, DO NOT TOUCH. 565 01:00:44,144 --> 01:00:48,081 >> STILL NOT SOLD? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. 566 01:00:48,081 --> 01:00:54,854 >> BEFORE CHANEL AND CHANNEL DECORATED BY AIRBNB, IT WAS A LITTLE DRAB, BUT NOW THERE'S SO 567 01:00:54,854 --> 01:01:00,393 WRITING ON THE WALL. >> YOU MAY KNOW OUR WORK FROM COZY CASITA STEPS. 568 01:01:00,393 --> 01:01:08,301 >> AND THE WONKA IN GLASGOW. STILL DON'T BELIEVE US? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR 569 01:01:08,301 --> 01:01:10,270 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. >> WHAT? >> HI. 570 01:01:10,270 --> 01:01:16,476 >> YOU ALREADY DID ME. >> OH. >> SO COME ENJOY OUR CLASSIC 571 01:01:16,476 --> 01:01:23,683 DESIGNS WITH THE UTMOST PRIVACY. BYE. >> CHANEL AND CHANNEL INTERIOR 572 01:01:23,683 --> 01:01:24,851 BYE. >> CHANEL AND CHANNEL INTERIOR DESIGNS FOR AIRBNBs. 573 01:01:41,434 --> 01:01:43,937 >> THANK YOU. >> THANKS. >> ENJOY. 574 01:01:43,937 --> 01:01:47,107 >> WOW, HONEY, THIS PLACE IS NICE. >> YEAH. 575 01:01:47,107 --> 01:01:52,112 I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE'VE HAD A DATE NIGHT. 576 01:01:52,112 --> 01:01:58,718 >> THAT'S CRAZY! >> I SWEAR THIS CHICK, TOTAL TEN, POPS OUT A FULL SET OF 577 01:01:58,718 --> 01:02:03,623 DENTURES. >> GNARLY! >> DUDE, DUDE. 578 01:02:03,623 --> 01:02:06,760 >> THESE GUYS ARE SO LOUD. >> YOU WANT ME TO GO SAY SOMETHING? 579 01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:14,868 >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. >> DUDES, DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE GAME LAST NIGHT? 580 01:02:14,868 --> 01:02:19,706 >> YO, LeBRON WENT OFF! >> LeBRON JAMES! >> THAT'S IT. 581 01:02:19,706 --> 01:02:23,076 I'M GOING TO GO SAY SOMETHING. IT'S OUR DATE NIGHT. I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO JUST 582 01:02:23,076 --> 01:02:29,182 KEEP IT DOWN. HEY! >> CAN WE HELP YOU? 583 01:02:29,182 --> 01:02:35,855 >> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS. 584 01:02:35,855 --> 01:02:45,098 THAT'S SPECIAL. HOPE YOU GUYS TREASURE THAT. WISH I HAD A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE 585 01:02:45,098 --> 01:02:51,905 THIS. YOU MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER. >> YEAH, I GUESS I LOVE THEM. 586 01:02:51,905 --> 01:02:56,242 >> DON'T SAY IT TO ME. SAY IT TO THEM. >> OH. 587 01:02:56,242 --> 01:03:00,046 YEAH, I LOVE YOU GUYS. >> COOL. >> THANKS, MAN. 588 01:03:00,046 --> 01:03:05,318 >> YEAH. DEFINITELY. >> NICE. 589 01:03:05,318 --> 01:03:13,393 ANYWAY, YOU FELLAS ENJOY YOURSELVES. WELL, I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE 590 01:03:13,393 --> 01:03:18,164 HEARING FROM THEM ANYMORE. >> BABE, WHAT WAS THAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL 591 01:03:18,164 --> 01:03:22,302 THEM TO BE QUIET. >> OH, THEY'LL BE QUIET NOW. YOU SEE, NOTHING SHUTS UP A 592 01:03:22,302 --> 01:03:27,140 GROUP OF GUYS LIKE AN EARNEST EXPRESSION OF HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER. 593 01:03:27,140 --> 01:03:31,077 >> SERIOUSLY? THAT WORKS? >> SEE FOR YOURSELF. 594 01:03:31,077 --> 01:03:38,184 >> HOW'S YOUR STEAK? >> LOOKS GOOD. >> COOL. 595 01:03:38,184 --> 01:03:42,589 >> THAT'S CRAZY. >> OH, YEAH. ONE TIME AT A SLEEPOVER IN 596 01:03:42,589 --> 01:03:47,093 MIDDLE SCHOOL, I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT LAUGHING WITH THEM WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY. 597 01:03:47,093 --> 01:03:52,198 HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE. ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE HAVE SOME QUIET, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY. 598 01:03:52,198 --> 01:03:58,872 >> OKAY. WELL, TODAY AT WORK -- >> AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID TO 599 01:03:58,872 --> 01:04:07,147 HIM, I DON'T CHASE, I ATTRACT! >> ANOTHER NOISY GROUP. IT'S FINE. 600 01:04:07,147 --> 01:04:09,849 I GOT THIS. EXCUSE ME. >> SORRY. 601 01:04:09,849 --> 01:04:14,721 IS THERE A PROBLEM? >> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY DO YOU EVER 602 01:04:14,721 --> 01:04:20,427 THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR MOM IS JUST A GIRL TOO? JUST A GIRL LIVING LIFE FOR THE 603 01:04:20,427 --> 01:04:28,735 FIRST TIME JUST LIKE YOU. YOU KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS PHOTO OF MY 604 01:04:28,735 --> 01:04:36,343 MOM PAINTING MY NURSERY WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME IF Y'ALL WANT TO LOOK AT IT AND 605 01:04:36,343 --> 01:04:39,779 THINK ABOUT YOUR MOMS, YOU CAN TOO. >> SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY, AND 606 01:04:39,779 --> 01:04:46,486 I LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL. >> WHEN I WAS 15, I TOOK HER CAR AND SMOKED A FULL PACK OF 607 01:04:46,486 --> 01:04:51,958 CIGARETTES IN IT AND THEN BARFED IN THE FRONT SEAT. THE SMELL NEVER LEFT. 608 01:04:51,958 --> 01:04:57,731 >> ONE TIME, I THREW A SUITCASE AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T LET ME SHAVE MY HEAD. 609 01:04:57,731 --> 01:05:04,037 I REALLY REGRET THAT. >> YEAH. ANYWAY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. 610 01:05:04,037 --> 01:05:11,044 ENJOY YOUR MEAL. WELL, THAT OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT. 611 01:05:11,044 --> 01:05:13,446 >> WOW. THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING. >> YEP. 612 01:05:13,446 --> 01:05:19,753 NOTHING QUIETS UP A GROUP OF WOMEN QUITE LIKE A REMINDER OF THEIR MOTHER'S HUMANITY. 613 01:05:19,753 --> 01:05:24,691 >> NICE JOB, HONEY. NOW WE CAN GET BACK TO DATE NIGHT. 614 01:05:24,691 --> 01:05:28,061 YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY? >> YEAH. 615 01:05:28,061 --> 01:05:34,067 I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY BOSS, AND I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP. >> HEY, BABY CAKES, WANT TO GET 616 01:05:34,067 --> 01:05:37,070 OUT OF HERE? >> YEAH. SORRY. 617 01:05:37,070 --> 01:05:47,514 >> AW, MAN. >> HEY, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY? >> I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 618 01:05:47,514 --> 01:05:52,085 THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME, GUYS. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT YOU 619 01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:57,657 CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME. OH, THEY'RE GONE. GOD, I GOT TO STOP DOING THAT. 620 01:06:11,338 --> 01:06:15,108 >>> THANK YOU, EVERYONE FOR TONIGHT. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN AMAZING 621 01:06:15,108 --> 01:06:18,611 WEEK. THANK YOU LORNE, THANK YOU TO THE AMAZING CAST. 622 01:06:18,611 --> 01:06:25,518 THANK YOU, KACEY AND GLENN. THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL. AH, SUCH A GREAT TIME! 623 01:06:25,518 --> 01:06:27,854 THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL. AH, SUCH A GREAT TIME! THANK YOU!