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Can I have a Coke, please? How much do I owe you?
50 cents.
Thanks.
Beer, soft drinks, lemonade...
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Is there an empty seat here?
Your ticket, please.
Excuse me, may I have your tickets?
Thank you.
Hello.
Where you going? Holidays?
Yes.
By yourself?
No, I'm joining my father in Switzerland.
Cigarette?
Thank you.
Pleasantly cool here.
Cramped.
Hey, Pap! Hey! I'm over here.
Hey.
How you doing, Patrick?
It's good to see you, son. How was your trip down?
Okay, nothing unusual.
It's great to be together again.
Wait a second. I have to pick up my girlfriend.
She's supposed to be in the same train.
Ah, there she is. Yvonne!
Hi, Ralph.
Hi, sweetheart.
Patrick, this is Yvonne.
Hello.
Glad to know you.
If I'm not mistaken, we met earlier.
Oh, really? Where?
Oh, we were in the same compartment.
What a coincidence. You didn't know he was my son though?
If you'd have a boy his age you certainly started out young.
Goodbye.
You know, if I knew that was your son.
There was another man in the compartment with us,
he was great and very handsome,
but talk about crazy. He wanted to grab me in the train.
Actually if Patrick would not have been there.
Say, how'd you do with your school exam?
Good. I got an award, as always.
Good. How was the hotel business?
Just great, the "Alpine View" is full, the "Golden Deer" stays half-full,
only the manager got pregnant by an American.
Of course your greedy wife took over, she reminds me of some giant octopus
with tentacles on all directions, things would be a lot better...
Oh, forget it, will you? Otherwise how is she?
Suffering like a martyr publicly, and sour with me,
but with the rest of the staff she's friendly enough and on pleasant terms.
Isn't there a lover in the picture?
Not as far as I know, they're not very important to her,
she'd rather sleep with the cash register.
Hey son.
You are not here at your boarding school.
Today we've prepared for lunch, Spaghetti a la Vongole and Chateaubriand.
Has Gerald gotten here yet?
Yeah, he's already asked about you.
And Julia is there too.
She's back and glancing toward the house to see if you're there or not.
Pfft, she can expect something.
And there's your Aunt Myriam
and Uncle Alex at the house to add to the bedlam.
Alex is writing another opera, “The Lesbos Surf” or such.
Mr. Loibner... lunch is ready. Mr. Loibner, are you coming?
Guests have come.
Oh, Sefior Alex. Oh, no. No.
Oh, Patrick is here. Okay, you old fart,
stop acting like an amorous walrus,
and let "The Lesbos Surf" go on alone, go!
Come along, child.
Patrick! Patrick, my little goldfish, how nice that you're here, my angel.
I'll come right down, don't move.
How's my nephew? Having a nice vacation?
Hello, Patrick. Good to see you.
How are you, Aunt Myriam?
Your Aunt Myriam is fine.
Oh, not even royalty eats that well, grandma.
Thank you, Ralph. Were you and the children pleased?
Yes, grandma. Thank you.
Silvana's a very good cook, we're lucky.
What a lesbian meal! I feel as if the whole surf of lesbos
was swaying up and down in my stomach.
Did you enjoy the meal too, Yvonne?
Yes, thank you. It was a little bit too much.
Oh, you need to put some weight on.
Ralph, tell her to eat all the things that will fatten her up a little.
A man likes to know he can reach out and feel a woman not a bag of bones.
My favorite, dessert.
Have a little cake, Yvonne.
Ralph, help me. Tell her I've had enough to eat.
The whipped cream, please.
Having you all here is so delightful. You just don't know...
that nothing's sadder for me than being in this big house alone
but you're here now, even my little Patrick,
but you've grown into a young man, haven't you?
Would you like a cigar, dear?
Yes, please.
Silvana! And for heaven's sake, give a cognac to the young man.
Don't be bashful, just dig in.
Thank you.
You know, by the time I was 16 I was smoking like a chimney,
and I could drink up a lake of liquor.
I'm still doing the same at 75.
A toast to our honor student.
Cheers old boy...
Silvana, I'll be in my room, when the coffee's served will you bring it?
Good strong coffee, and please don't forget the cream.
Si, Signora, bring coffee and cream to your room.
From the room, from the room she whimpers,
and in the lesbian pot she sits full of cream.
Come, let's have a nap, shall we? Come on, Yvonne.
So ready...
I'm already bored being here.
You know Yvonne...
Nutty ole grandma, and that Hitlerian Myriam
with her lesbian tendencies,
and that pompous ass Alex!
I come here because of the kid. I owe it to Patrick.
Summer is the only time I get to see him. He's the whole year in a boarding school.
He's my son, I can't help feeling a bit guilty.
I wanted to tell you...
the story about the man I met on the train.
It's when I went to the toilet,
and left the door open, by accident...
And then, tell me more.
He came up behind me and started talking.
He was strong and good-looking,
he said, "cramped here." No, that is what I said.
Very cool here, he said. I got goosebumps.
And then? —Shall I tell more?
Your coffee, Signora.
Sit down.
Oh, no, never, Signora. The mistress expects Silvana to work.
No, today is different. Today you're a guest in my room.
You'll drink a cup of coffee with me brimming with cream.
You're sure to enjoy the taste of whipped cream. You can work later.
Yes, Signora, but have to go down to grandma, no?
Sit down.
Cream! Cream! Cream!
One, two, three, now my little cherry sundae, I'm going to eat you.
Crescendo time.
Patrick! Hey, Patrick!
Hey! How is it going?
Have you been here very long?
I arrived a few hours ago.
I'm very excited.
You met Gerald already?
Yeah, yesterday, he will be coming by.
Sorry, Julia.
No apologies necessary.
Now that's what I call nice.
Who or what?
The music that's playing now.
Oh, that.
Maybe as far as the rhythm is concerned, but otherwise I don't think it much.
That's way too jazzy for me.
Well, I like jazz better than I do pop.
Pop music went out a long time ago. —Can you put some on me?
Okay, a delicate being like you can't take the sun so well, eh?
Hey, there, my dear.
Are you still a virgin?
Yes. And what about you, have you a lot? I mean...
It's ok.
Hmm. Come Patrick.
We'd better wait 'til later. It's best to do it the first time in a bed.
Oh, brother.
How about that, Gerald's got a boat.
Hi Gerald. Hi.
Saluti. How is it going, old buddy? Things under control?
Yeah, Julia is prettier than ever before.
Come on, jump in, and we'll go for a spin in her.
Let's stop in at Jimmy's and buy some sandwiches and beer.
Sounds great.
I think I'd better not go.
Ah, women.
Julia gets more beautiful than ever.
You really think so?
Did you sleep with her?
No, I tried everything on the water earlier.
And?
She's a virgin. —And?
She's doesn't want to.
What you mean?
She defends herself with hands and feet. —So?
Well she scratches and bites.
She is an iron maiden, and anyway, I think she's frigid.
But it doesn't look like that to me.
But it is. I have a feeling there, I notice even if someone is frigid.
Did you ever had sex?
What? I've had sex many times.
How many?
Well, like eight or nine times, it must have been...
No. Getting drunk doesn't make sense. I have something better.
What?
Hash. I've got a ton of it, a friend of mine at school,
he keeps me supplied. It works like wonders.
We'll go out in the boat tomorrow with Julia, and then...
Jog, jog, and jog, and jog...
Ralph, where is Patrick today? Our tennis coach.
Well, I'm not sure, but I think he's gone swimming with Julia and Gerald.
All right, children, let's get started.
Ready?
Yeah.
Who's teamed up with our grandma?
You are, naturally.
Grandma, what a pleasure to be your partner.
I hope there's enough room for us both.
I never played tennis with an elephant before.
Alex, we can't play without balls.
I'm never without them, today I even have a spare.
That's it, grandma.
What's wrong with you, Ralph?
Return that one.
Come, Alex.
Sorry, grandma.
Double fault. It's set point, if you make it you'll even the score.
Game in set, six to four. Service goes to fatty's side.
You have to drag on it, Julia. That's fine, now inhale deep?
What's deep inhaling for?
For it to work you got to get it inside.
You got to get it in as deep as you can to really enjoy it.
That goes for other things as well in getting it deep inside.
Julia.
Julia, he says...
Deep, inside...
That's funny, now he's starting too...
That I don't laugh. All of a sudden I feel dizzy.
Give me your racket! I want to play now.
I've watched you long enough.
Stop that. You're annoying me.
Now watch, Patrick. See what Sylvia has down there...
All aboard! All aboard!
Stop it, Gerald, you'll kill us. Your crazy.
Leave him alone. Gerald knows what he's doing.
Silvana, hey! Silvana, mangare! Mangare, prego, mangare, prego.
Mangare, Mangare!
Please, Alex.
Oh, shut up!
I'm getting sick. Hey, Julia, tell him to stop.
Why should he? We're enjoying it. Oh, but you're frightened, aren't you?
He's even scared to screw, baby, but I'm not.
Well, maybe you aren't, but not with me. You can just forget it.
I'm still a virgin, a virgin, and so is Patrick.
But I'm not, and I can prove it to you, Julia.
Oh, that is a bit hard.
Haha, everything stands...
Julia. I love you.
Get away from her.
Let me be.
Let him, let him. Let him finally deflower me.
Now then, where were we?
Ah haha, look at that. Haha, a sperm whale. There. Hahaha...
Help!
Gerald, grab hold.
You aren't hitting it hard enough, you know.
She's all to blame that Patrick is doing so badly now.
But...
I can't hold it out here any more.
Still refusing to leave his room?
Hasn't budged an inch.
It's been three days.
I have an idea.
We going on a trip?
We'll pack and drive down to Verona. How about inviting her to come with us?
Hey, Julia.
Yes?
Come here a minute. —Just a second.
Yvonne and I are taking Patrick down to Verona,
he needs a change of scenery, just a couple of days.
Would you like to come with us?
Oh, that's fabulous. —Okay?
Look, Signor Patrick, here's your lunch, all good and hot, for your health
and you must eat to keep up your strength.
Patrick? Signor Patrick?
Patrick! Patrick, what's wrong with you?
Do you feel any better?
A hell of a lot better.
So do I.
Oh, yeah. I'm starting to breathe again, it's nice to have a pretty house and all,
but to play tennis everyday with those crazy people
was starting to get on my nerves,
and when you're not playing tennis you're eating.
I'll bet that I gained a good 2 lbs.
Say, Yvonne. —Yeah?
I found a great place to have dinner tonight, a full nine course meal.
Eating again...
Say, why did you put the kids in a double room?
What's wrong with that? —You want them to get together?
I don't know, that's up to them, but I think Patrick's in love with Julia.
Do you think the shops here are still open?
Sure. Why?
I'd like to go out. I thought I might buy a few things.
What sort of things?
Oh, I don't know, anything.
Something particular?
No, new dresses and jewelry, but it all depends.
On how much you'd donate.
Well, since it's on me do you mind taking Julia?
It will give me time to have a little talk with Patrick.
It's a shame that we don't see each other much.
But look now you only have two years left anyway.
Then the seriousness of life only really begins.
Cheers.
Cheers, you old bandit...
Why'd you call me an old bandit?
You do everything to your own taste.
That's you.
Oh.
Well, you know, you learn that over time.
You most learn, how to coordinate things.
Work, and in private life.
You just have to be able to direct a little.
Look, Patrick, otherwise things slip away under your hand.
At your age you can afford a certain bit of chaos.
Chaos...
Do you like Julia?
Like her? Yes of course.
I'm crazy about Julia.
Aha, why not.
To your health, Patrick!
Cheers!
Insanity! Where are they?
Women are all pigs!
Now I'm gonna show the balcony that Julia stand one.
Come on!
Here it is.
At this balcony is where Julia waited for Romeo to come to her.
Here?
Yes.
Wait I call her. Julia? Julia? She seems to be out at the moment.
Wait, I'll go up and answer for her.
Sure. You go with her, Patrick.
Why would I go up there?
You're her Romeo.
Julia, yoo-hoo! - Yoo—hoo!
Romeo? Romeo? Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name,
or if thou wilt not, but be sworn to be my love.
Wonderful Julia, you're doing very well. Go on.
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy, thou art thyself, not a Montague.
Montague is just a word.
It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face,
nor any other part belonging to a man.
Wow.
Ralph, tell her to stop. —Oh, it's all in fun, let her go on.
Let's go, Patrick, it's getting late. —No, I'm staying.
Okay, then, see you back at the hotel.
He would remain a symbol of perfection, even without the name.
And for that name which is no part of thee come take my heart.
I'm coming, Juliet, hang on.
Julia. —Romeo, I am here.
Where? —Romeo. Catch me.
Romeo.
I'm coming Julia.
Julia? Julia?
What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, so stumblest on my counsel?
Romeo, I love you.
I love you too, Julia.
Come then.
Nevermind Shakespeare.
Dad! Julia, wait for me. Please come back.
Dad? Julia?
Patrick, are you already sleeping?
Patrick, what happened, dear?
Go away, and leave me alone.
I won't go, not until you tell me what happened.
I can't talk about it, it was awful.
All through dinner I was afraid it would end like that.
He's a real pig.
I know you're upset, only you shouldn't say things like that,
he's still your father.
He knew perfectly well how much she meant to me.
Patrick, listen,
she's as much at fault as your father,
and besides she's not a child anymore.
Your father simply couldn't resist her, the old man.
You couldn't resist me anymore than he could her,
if I really applied myself to it.
Even if you love Julia. —You're full of crap.
Afraid?
Come on, Yvonne, you'd lose, I'm not the type
that jumps into bed with just anyone like you do.
Oh, not just anyone, only those who please me...
Now come Patrick.
Lay down, Patrick.
Sleep well, Patrick. —You too.
Come in.
Set it down here.
Set it down here!
Eat, you can do that by yourself.
I know, it's hard to be a man, but be glad you are one.
Oh, how clumsy, can you get me the salt shaker?
Patrick?
There's something shaking, and it's not salt.
Alex? Patrick?
Ralph? Ralph? —Oh, Hildegard.
How are you? Where is Ralph? —What did you come here for, dear?
I simply must see Ralph right away.
Calm down, my dear. Come along, child,
and have a little coffee.
You mustn't get all nervous, you know getting nervous doesn't help a thing.
Come my child. Come. You know, they're all on vacation here.
You can't bring a whole hustle and bustle into my house.
Nobody is hectic here.
You know, here they are maybe a little bit crazy or maybe also lesbian
but hectic not. No, not hectic.
I don't have vacation.
He just drives away and I'm supposed to do the stuff alone.
One is stealing, the other is pregnant and the buyer is on vacation with the boss.
Oh, you poor dear, here is some coffee.
Or maybe you would prefer something stronger instead,
a little pick-me-up like a scotch.
Okay, some scotch, but then tell Ralph to put his ass in here.
His ass? I've heard about homosexuals, but Ralph doesn't have those tendencies.
No, he doesn't this year, he brought a young lady.
Do you think that what happened in Verona was any help to Patrick and Julia, or not?
That depends on a lot of things.
What is that supposed to mean?
I have no way of being sure you're any help to Julia.
How would I know? I wasn't there.
I don't mean that, you got a hangup with the physical.
But even if it does, after you had me, do you feel good?
Yeah, usually I do.
What do you mean usually?
Yes, it gives me a lot of good, really.
You see.
I only know that what I did to Patrick was good for him. Very good.
He's quite talented. —Really?
In fact, he's got a super talent.
That's perfectly normal, he's my son.
Just thinking of him I get all fidgety, for him it was like paradise,
you never saw anybody happier.
Oh, it's understandable, it was the first time.
Julia wasn't overjoyed.
You were driving and didn't notice, but she cried all the way home.
They all cry afterwards.
They feel obliged to if they were brought up properly.
You must have cried buckets full.
Not a tear. I was too thrilled to be silly enough to spoil it all by crying.
Yeah, you of course not.
I really didn't.
Hello, little one.
Ralph! Ralph! You get your ass down here.
No mistaking that voice, that's Hildegard.
But she never comes here.
Let her scream.
Ralph! Ralph, where is Patrick? I want to see my son.
Are you playing or not?
How can anybody play listening to that screaming hyena?
Why are you in a sweat?
You really scared of the old lady.
I am going down to stop it right this minute.
Well, good luck.
Ralph, if you don't come down I'm coming up.
Not so fast, please.
Run faster.
I can't run, I'm tired.
Now, that's an odd noise, and it's new to me,
it's coming out of a wet bathing suit,
but I find it's not as bad as all that. No, that's not too bad,
it's a whole new tonality.
I have the feeling that I've discovered something revolutionary.
Myriam, move your ass to the left, please.
So?
Yeah, like that. Yeah. Yeah.
A little higher, my ladies.
Something's missing, I don't hear the wind instruments.
Yes, that's the tone.
Silvana, you're very off—key. Myriam, move your ass.
I can see that I shall have to play the bass part myself.
I will blow your tuba, and you will toot my flute.
I'm beginning to think you're trying to get me drunk.
Now let's discuss your business. What's the matter?
I have more the impression that you have a problem.
OK, so where are the papers.
They are in the car.
That shouldn't be hard to get.
That has time.
What does that mean there is time, you were in such a hurry.
Doesn't matter anymore.
We can discuss tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow.
Yes, exactly.
I stay here a few days, I like to spend some time with Patrick.
At least to relax a little.
That's impossible, Hildegard, Patrick leaves tomorrow morning.
And who will be in the office?
Hello, Hildegard.
Hello, old slut.
Please leave that.
Why I am right, no Yvonne?
Sorry I'm drunk, the old witch got me a little watered.
During your siesta. Siesta.
Where is Patrick, I want to see my son.
He's on the tennis court with Julia.
Patrick plays tennis, but Julia, frankly, I think she'd much prefer playing penis.
I'm done. Besides it will rain soon.
Meaning you're KO'd?
Nah, I have a blister here.
It's all swollen. —Where?
Oh, it's nothing.
And I bruised my knee when I fell down.
What a joke.
It's beginning to rain. Come, come, children inside, it's already starting.
I'll help you, Hildegard.
Get away, I can get there without your help.
Let the rain not dampen your inspiration,
oh, my muses.
Let me Patrick, you are leaving tomorrow.
That's why.
You know what? I love you, Patrick.
I love you too.
Where is Patrick?! He is surely lost in the area.
I want to see him at least once, before he leaves.
What is he doing...
What's she insinuating?
You can't let this person drag our child into the dirt.
A child?
You keep out of this, Yvonne.
No, even better, tell her to get out.
Tell her, that she should go to Frankfurt tomorrow and take care of everything,
she should also do something for the company.
That may be the best, Yvonne. You see Hildegard needs a vacation.
I also need a holiday, after this.
Tomorrow morning she can go on the same train as Patrick.
It will be a pleasure traveling with him. He fucks like a champion.
You goddamn bitch!
You know what? —What?
We're going to go to the house and tell them we're in love.
And that we get married. We tell it in everybody's face.
Your father, Yvonne and the others.
Okay, come on.
Please children. —I'm not gonna be silent,
I'm not just your satisfaction toy, am I?
Out with her. Throw here out. Where's Patrick.
She should go!
Yvonne, pack your things.
Before everything breaks down here,
we'll discuss everything when I get back.
Old grandpa!
Now you crawl in front of her on all fours.
Keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like a fight is going on, it's not the right moment.
Don't worry, they're not really fighting.
Please, children, please watch out for the television.
Stay there!
Either she goes or I go forever!
Now stay here!
Don't run away!
Au!
No, children! Please not!
Patrick, I don't want to go in now.
My mother's here, I wonder why.
I think I should go. —I guess maybe you're right.
Maybe will see each other next year, won't we?
Maybe. Of course we will.
Ciao, Patrick.
May I?
Yes, you do.
Young man.