Charlie and Mattie just sound so good right now.
You know? I'm just-- I'm proud of them and...
I'm really happy that they're talking to Cane again,
for everyone's sake.
That's good.
Yeah, and I think it's good for them
to see Cane and me getting along.
They know you've put a ton of trust in the man.
Yes. Which I know you and Devon think
is a terrible mistake.
Devon's vote counts more than mine
since Chancellor did belong to his grandmother.
Okay, well, if that's the case, then Katherine's vote counts
more than anyone, and she put Cane in charge when she died.
Which is he more than happy to remind us.
Well, you know he has a lot more experience now
than he did then, and, you know,
he has good ideas, he's putting a strong team together.
Including Billy Abbott.
Well, Billy hasn't accepted the position,
so it's a moot point until then.
So who else is on this strong team of his?
He offered a job to Holden.
-To do what? -What do you mean, to do what?
What were you doing before you came to Winters?
You were working in a different field entirely.
That is not the point, though, is it?
Okay, then what is the point?
-Trust? -Exactly.
Okay. Well, I trust Cane.
-Obviously. -Yeah.
And I trust him to do a good job with the company.
Like hire Holden to score points with you.
Okay, my gosh, so you don't like Holden,
you don't like Cane or Billy.
Anyone else I should add to the list?
Lily, you seem to forget I had a front row seat
the last time you and Devon didn't see eye to eye.
He's gonna have an opinion.
Are you sure you can defend this?
Welcome.
I will be right with you.
It's just me.
Probably the last thing you wanna hear
from the last person you wanna see.
♪♪
-Hey. -Hey!
-Iced tea? -You know it.
Okay. Take a seat over there. I'll be right there.
Kay.
Okay, talk.
I know you need to. What's on your mind?
Uh...well, Mom's bandages come off tomorrow.
Oh!
And her vision...
I mean, we gotta wait and see.
And even then, you might not have all the answers.
Yeah. Just means more time to, uh, you know,
wait and worry and wonder what Mom's life's gonna be like
if she doesn't get the results that she deserves.
Uh...well, how is she handling it?
I mean, around us she's like really cool.
Seems like she's in total control.
So she's...optimistic.
Yeah. It's like she's braced for the worst, you know?
She's like three steps ahead.
I mean, it seems like at this point
I'm more worried about it than she is.
NIKKI: Seven, eight,
nine, ten.
One, two,
three, four.
One, two, three,
-four-- -What are you doing, sweetheart?
So wasn't Stephanie trying to get you to go back to medicine?
-How's that going? -A distraction...
to get me to stay out of your business.
Well, I guess I failed miserably.
If you can't talk to me about it,
how will you convince Devon?
It's just gonna take time,
and he'll have to see the results for himself.
That's assuming it all goes well.
So, tell me.
Are you happy about the Billy offer?
Uh, he's not on board yet.
Meaning you could still stop it.
I'm not gonna stop it.
Cane needs to have autonomy in order for this to work.
Okay.
Does Devon know about Holden?
Uh, no. I'll see him when he gets back.
-It's a business trip. -Yeah, but he'll be back soon.
So you think it's a big enough deal
that it has to be face to face?
Oh, my God. Why do you have to pick apart
everything that I say?
At least I'm calm about it. Your brother won't be.
Why does this make you both so crazy?
Cane can do a lot of damage with his autonomy, Lily.
Okay, so that's it? That's the only reason?
Of course it is!
Okay, well, I don't think it's Devon's.
What else would it be?
I don't know. I just feel like he's been so angry.
He's just annoyed all the time. He has resentment.
I just feel like he hasn't been himself since Dom was kidnapped.
He went to see Mariah to work through it.
Yeah, but did he?
I mean, is he just angry still that it happened,
or is there something else?
Something deeper?
You know, Vick and I are there with her every day,
her constant cheerleaders, just hoping for the best.
There's no reason to be disappointed in advance.
But Nikki doesn't share your optimism.
It's like she's resigned, you know?
Same with Claire. They're both very pragmatic,
both like a "preparing for the worst" kind of thing.
Well, if Nikki's vision doesn't come back,
are there any other options?
I mean, medically, no.
The mass has been removed.
So all the pressure's been relieved off of the optic nerve.
Stephanie assures us that the surgery was textbook.
Everything that can be done has been done.
We just have to wait and see now and hope.
And, I don't know, maybe Mom and Claire are right.
I just don't know.
Nick, this is what your mom needs to do to get through this.
And you do what you need,
just the safest, healthiest way possible.
Yeah.
Gotta stay clean.
That's your job right now.
Yeah. For the rest of my life.
Well, it's like when I got my bipolar diagnosis.
It was just this overwhelming feeling thinking
I'm gonna be fighting this fight every day, the rest of my life.
I know that it's not exactly the same.
For me it was about...
daily medicine and check-ins
with myself and my doctors.
Yeah. And for me it's my meetings
and keeping my stress levels under control.
And knowing when to ask for help.
Yeah. That too.
And being honest when...
a friend asks you
is your mom the only thing on your mind right now?
Yeah, so everything that I say to you,
even though I'm only saying it to myself, right,
in my own head...
it still sounds vaguely threatening.
Because if I put myself in your shoes--
[chuckles] Oh, that's not a "you" thing...
putting yourself in someone else's shoes.
That's true.
You know, there were two things about you.
You loved, uh, admiration and fear.
'Cause then people would do what you wanted them to do
and say what you wanted them to say.
Not anymore.
Really. The last thing I want is for anyone to be afraid of me.
Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't have
tried to kill so many of them then.
People have a way of remembering that sort of thing.
Look, I got no weapons, no explosives.
I don't even have a nail file.
There's a security team right outside that door
to make sure that you're safe. We're all going out
for ice cream later if you wanna join us.
-We're getting Mint Chip. -Oh. That's cute.
I was going for harmless.
Needs some work.
I'm--I'm not a threat to you. But...
I guess fear is all you're left with
after all of our years together.
I ruined every decent memory you might have had of us.
Not every... memory.
Okay? It's not like you walked around
like some cartoon ogre, Mitch.
[huffs] Matt.
It's okay. You look at me, you see Mitch. I get it.
Yeah, Mitch, Mitch, and Mitch. You as Mitch.
You know what? You were a jerk. I'm not delusional about that.
But you--
There were also good things, okay?
I know that. There had to be.
Right? After that first glow wore off, I stayed.
You made it worth it.
Less and less. [small laugh]
Until not at all but, you know...
for a while.
I don't know, unless I just-- I don't know,
maybe I just wanted to--
wanted to see something in there.
I wanted to hope you were what I wanted--
I don't--I don't--I don't know. I don't. I don't know.
I look back on our years together,
and I remember the glow of the early times also.
I remember clubbing on Sunset and...
Taking coffee up to the top of Mulholland,
watching the sun come up.
More like you calculating the take for the night.
Well, that, too.
Love and...
...empathy, compassion.
[emotionally] Honesty.
Those were things that you were probably looking to me for,
as your husband...and I think you're on to something.
I think you're probably right.
If you saw any of those things in me,
it was probably just wishful thinking.
I didn't have any of it in me.
Why are you doing the stairs yourself, sweetheart?
Victor, I want to climb the stairs.
I wanna do things myself, but whenever I do,
I can hear the panic in people's voices
-if I bump into a table. -Well, it's not panic.
-It's concern. -Well, whatever
you wanna call it. I...
I feel this urge to protect their feelings,
'cause I don't want them to be upset.
It's the kids. It's the staff. Even you.
But I-I know that you would do anything to keep me safe.
But you would do the same for us.
Yes. I would give you what you want and need.
And right now, I need to know
that no matter what happens tomorrow, it'll be okay.
I want to walk around by myself.
I want to climb stairs.
I wanna know that I can climb stairs, come what may.
Unless you're planning to throw me out again.
I won't ask you to leave, okay?
I mean, not while you're in this condition.
Thank you.
Then I'll get back to memorizing the steps
between the landmarks.
No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why are you doing that? Don't do that now.
Don't do that. I'm here.
Okay? Let me take you to the sofa.
Here. Do this.
Now. Okay.
Very careful.
Okay.
-NIKKI: Whoops. -Turn around.
Sit you down. There we go.
-There we go. Okay? -Thank you.
You know you could have done this by yourself.
[huffs] Eventually.
I think you're capable of anything.
God, I hope so.
You're that worked up about Devon's mood?
It's not just his mood. It's his whole outlook on life.
I feel like he's not himself right now.
He's always been protective when it comes to his family,
the company, Katherine's legacy.
Why does it feel like you're trying to blame his attitude
on Cane being at Chancellor?
I mean, he's been worked up long before that.
I don't know. I guess you're right.
I mean, he's angry, yes, but...
I don't know, it just feels like there's this...
sense of regret underneath.
Now that you say that...
Okay, so you see it, too, then.
His conversation with Mariah was supposed to help.
Well, whatever it is, it is still weighing on him.
You know what? Just let it go for now.
-I can't. -No, what I mean is
let me deal with it.
Let me try to get to the root of it.
Okay, well, how am I supposed to just let it go?
Listen, as angry and worked up as Devon is right now,
that's how calm and confident you seem.
And you deserve to do your thing no matter what I said before.
Okay? So let me work on it.
You know, this raw honesty--
it's definitely new.
-Still wanna lie sometimes. -Oh, yeah?
When do you wanna lie? What do you wanna lie about?
No, no, no, not about this. Not...not this.
Not this. Okay, so then what? Victor stuff?
[stammers] I mean, the dude is a lot.
Yeah, and he's kept you in one piece for all this time.
Yeah. And he's never gonna let me live it down.
Would it be possible for me to just get a drink?
Can I buy a drink?
One. No--one!
-I'll take it. -That is it.
Oh, hell, yeah.
-What? -My brand.
Thank you. Thank you so much for remembering.
Oh, come on. I'm not the one who hit their head
and couldn't remember their own name.
-I remember everything. -Oh, yeah, no, I do too.
I--all of it.
So much fun.
Cheers.
Mmm.
Ah.
So how are things going with Victor
-and everybody else? -Yeah.
-I don't trust any of them. -No?
No. None of them. They don't trust me either.
And look, here you still are.
Yeah, well, gotta see how the movie ends.
Even if they're setting you up?
You just jump right through all their hoops.
Yep. Might end up that they have it in for me, yeah.
So why stay?
Unless you're planning something yourself.
I mean, it's Mom, it's the pills.
It's the fact that Matt Clark lives on our family's ranch.
Even with the guards, just knowing that he is there,
he could be walking the grounds...
Yeah. The dude still exists.
Because...he saved your life.
Yeah. And he claims he's no longer a homicidal maniac.
"Claims." That means you still don't believe him.
He is always in my head. Always.
Everything that he ever did, who he used to be,
what he could still do.
Dad claims he's got this under control,
that he's under a very short leash.
What if that isn't enough?
I can't control what my dad does.
No one can. What I can control is keeping this family safe.
And if that means getting rid of Matt Clark once and for all,
then so be it.
I'll handle this for now. You do your thing.
Okay. Thank you.
-LILY: Hi. -Hey.
I didn't know you were here. I'll take care of this.
-That's not necessary. -So what's--
Well, we just stopped in for a drink after work.
We also discussed Chancellor
and what it means to Devon especially.
Well, Chancellor means the world to me, too,
so I'm gonna do what I can to do right by Katherine.
And my boss.
Good night.
-[sighs] -[inhales through teeth] Chilly!
[both chuckling]
Yeah, apparently I'm making terrible mistakes
and, you know, I'm gonna rue the day.
Ruing? That's bad.
Yeah. So much ruing.
Well, your family's not gonna cut me any slack.
And I don't blame 'em.
I mean, they mean well, but...it is excessive.
Well, all I can do is wait 'em out.
I'll, uh, just do my best to show up for you,
show up for them,
and then maybe they'll decide that I'm worthy of your support.
I just hope that the backlash
doesn't make you wanna back away from me.
Wanting to erase Matt.
Well, we've both been there.
I mean, that's the thing.
It is always there.
Sometimes it's at a three. Lotta times it's at a ten.
But it's always there for me.
Well, I don't enjoy having him here--
not at Crimson Lights, not in town,
and I certainly don't enjoy running into him on the ranch.
Not that that happens often.
But, you know, sometimes...
not seeing him is even worse.
Because then that thought
that he's going to strike out starts creeping in.
I mean, then it fades away.
I go back to living my life again,
in spite of him.
So you don't buy that he's changed either.
Well, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying the fear is a reflex now,
especially after Cameron Kirsten.
It's just never very far away.
But with Matt, I don't know what to think,
because he saved your life.
I saw that with my own eyes.
Let me ask you something.
Let's say, uh...
Let's say I would have died that night.
Do you think Matt would be walking around town
the way he is?
There's no way to answer that.
He could still have plans for us, Sharon.
Is that why your mind is there,
just focused on erasing Matt?
Because the idea of waiting for him to make a move
is just...too much?
You're worried that I'll get so sick of that feeling
that I might start using again. That's what you're asking.
That was part of my question, yeah.
Or...
would you medicate in order to do
what you feel needs to be done?
Would you take a pill to take a life?
No, I don't have a plan.
I don't. I have like a personal mission
to prove to myself and to the rest of the world
that I'm actually this guy
and I'm not the other guy that I used to be.
'Cause that guy doesn't make any sense to me.
Total waste of time and energy,
money and relationships, and--and my youth.
Sienna...
I'm almost middle-aged.
-Oh, yeah, almost. -And I have nothing.
I don't have anything.
And I wanna build a life.
I don't know how to do it.
I don't even know if it's possible.
What are you saying, can you...do it,
or will people let you do it?
Because everyone in this town who knows Matt
knows that first and foremost,
you are a liar, at the very least.
And, you know, as clued in about you as I was,
I didn't know about your past,
I didn't know about the drug dealing,
so you wanna talk about wasted years,
trust me, I get it.
You are a smart and sexy, gorgeous woman.
You are, and you deserve better, Sienna.
I should have just left you alone.
Yeah. There are a lotta "should haves," okay?
You deserve
a man, a good man,
who will love you the right way.
Oh, thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, you said you were chilly.
I don't know why.
The days have been warm.
Are you nervous?
My nerves are fine.
Yeah, but are you nervous about
having the bandages taken off tomorrow?
Well, worrying won't change the outcome.
I know.
I wanna be prepared for any result.
Even if you don't regain your vision tomorrow
once the bandages are removed, that doesn't mean
that this will be a permanent condition, does it?
That's true.
But if I can't stand being coddled now,
how am I gonna feel in two weeks...
or two months?
Well, no, there's no need to look that far ahead.
As if you don't plan your moves five steps ahead.
Oh, well.
I know better, and so do you.
And that's what I'm doing.
I'm just looking at all the possibilities.
Because I'm not going to let any of the options defeat me...
even when it comes to the two of us.
Yeah, you know, you're right.
I'm so easily swayed by outside opinions.
-That's not what I meant. -Really?
'Cause it's what you said.
Yeah, I know. I know.
Okay, so you don't think that Devon and Nate
-can change my mind about you? -I think you're your own person.
-I would never imply that. -Well, except you did.
Just a poor choice of words.
-Oh, okay. -And--and--in no way
does that reflect my true feelings about any of it.
Okay, so you were just fishing, then, for me to reassure you.
Do you have to really bust me for every little thing?
you could let a few of these slide.
Why would I let it slide? It's way more fun doing this.
Oh, is it so much fun? Okay, then go for it.
No, you know what? Fine. I'll stop.
-No, no, if it makes you happy-- -No, no, you know what?
I don't even want to anymore because you're a buzzkill.
-Oh, am I? Okay. -Yeah.
Well, then, we'll just move on.
-Great. -Great.
Devon's never gonna be okay with it. And you know that.
That's why you spend so much time
not wanting to talk about it.
Honestly, I don't even know
if this even has anything to do with you.
Something is going on with Devon.
I just...don't know what it is.
Maybe it is about me, though.
Coming back to town.
Being in your orbit, being at Chancellor.
Maybe he feels like he's letting down Neil and Katherine
if he's not fighting to keep me at a distance.
And he wasn't able to protect his son
with that terrible situation that happened with Mariah,
so maybe he's just trying to make up for that.
No, I see what you're saying. I do.
But you're gonna argue with me anyway.
Yeah, because Devon knows that there is nothing
he can do or say to make me go against my own instincts.
So if this is about you, he's just...
gonna have to accept it.
'Cause it's not changing.
I want you here.
Can you give me an answer, Nick?
Is that where you think I am-- drugs and murder?
I'm just asking.
I'm not gonna give myself permission to use again.
I can't do that. Not to my mom.
Look at what she's going through. She's facing blindness.
You don't see her reaching for a bottle of vodka.
I can't let her down again.
I'm not gonna let anyone else that I care about down again.
Well, that's a brutal weight you're carrying--
protect the family, don't let anyone down.
Is it fair to burden yourself with so much?
Yeah. I should probably just focus on normal life
for a while. You know where we could start?
We could go to the club, see Noah.
I really hated that I missed everyone on his opening night.
Well, why don't I go with you? We can support Noah together.
Let's do it. We leave now, we beat the crowd,
we can get a little face time with the owner.
What the hell is wrong with you, man?
How about you just go drink somewhere else?
I offered. He's been... not horrible.
Now, I thought I made it very clear to you
that you need to stay away from Sienna.
That means you don't look at her, you don't talk to her.
You don't pressure her to try to forgive you
or tolerate you or even to talk to you, okay?
That is the line you do not cross.
Not now, not ever again.
You're gonna tell me what I can do and what I can't do?
You gonna tell Sienna what she's allowed to do?
I'm not sure I'm the real problem here.
You know that is, uh, not comped.
I have to pay for my own drink?
See, if I pay for it, then it could look like
I'm trying to suck up to my boss.
-Oh, my God, you would never. -That's a line I cannot cross.
LILY: [laughing]
Bad timing?
Should I, uh, come back?
Uh, that depends. Are you here on Chancellor business?
-I am. -We, uh, have important things
to discuss.
-Duties, etcetera. -All right.
All right. I will let you get to your conversation.
Uh, wait.
-Dinner? -Yeah.
You can get the check.
We don't want you to be compromised.
Make sure he's paying you enough.
-HOLDEN: Mm. [laughs] -[Lily laughs]
I was...
I was off the mark back then.
W-what? When?
Warning you to stay away from Lily.
I didn't know what I was talking about.
What changed?
Well, I've seen her smile with you
more than the entire time that I've known her, so...
She's got a great smile.
All right, so, Chancellor.
Right. So...
I'm...I'm starting to have second thoughts.
Let's just not talk about that right now.
You have more important things to think about, okay?
More important than the two of us?
Yeah.
So it's just me then...
thinking about us, missing us?
Did I stun you into silence?
Or did you, yet again, walk away without telling me?
When did I do that?
When I came home from seeing the doctor.
You saw more than the doctor.
And then again, when I asked to speak with you.
I had a call to make.
What about now, Victor?
Do you have time to talk about us now?
I'm in limbo.
I'm unsure where things are physically in this room
and emotionally with you.
You're safe here, okay? As long as you need to be.
I told you that.
I have been so angry with you.
Angrier than I've ever been.
And yet...
I feel so safe with you.
When you took my arm to lead me over here,
I felt such a sense of relief...
because I know you care.
But every time I wanna talk to you,
you find an excuse to walk away.
So it makes me wonder...
Is your hatred of Jack
stronger than your love for me?
Are you seriously pretending that I'm the issue...
when you spent your entire life up until what, a month ago,
two months ago, trying to terrorize my entire family?
Making Sienna's life hell? And you--you want to judge me?
Okay, look, I'm not gonna defend any of the things that I've done
to hurt you or anybody that you care about,
not for one second.
But I have zero interest in doing those things ever again.
Okay? I--my history disgusts me.
And I have an actual concept of what human decency is.
Wow! Novel for you, huh?
Yes, it is!
And I'm not gonna screw it up, right?
So there's boundaries. There are rules.
No violence, no vengeance, no stalking, no drug dealing.
None of it! I come in here, I--
your girlfriend poured me a drink
because we were having a conversation
that we both needed to have. It wasn't just me.
Oh, deep and heartfelt, I'm sure.
Okay, listen up, junior. I currently identify
as a non-psycho, semi-normal person.
All right? You wanna forgive me for all of the things I've done,
go ahead--I don't--your call!
You decide.
But why can't you just let me be?
You have no right to--to stop me from simply existing.
So you realize you don't deserve forgiveness.
Everyone deserves forgiveness. That's what I believe.
Everyone deserves it. I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's some people,
and forgiveness is impossible for them.
I don't know, but I'll tell you something, Noah.
I'm tired of trying to have to prove to you
that I'm a human being.
I think I have an idea as to why you have cold feet,
but why don't you sit down and explain it to me?
[sighs] Well, I...
I ran into Devon.
There it is.
He was grabbing a coffee on the way to the airport,
and I thought, hey, why don't I start up a conversation
with my sister's other brother,
say that I might be working at her company.
Let me guess. He didn't exactly congratulate you.
He...he lost his mind.
He doesn't want you, Billy Abbott, or me
anywhere near his grandmother's company.
Well, I loved Katherine too, and we weren't blood,
but we were family in a different way.
Devon is wrong.
He's freaking out about choices that Lily's made.
Right.
Well, right or wrong, I think Devon made himself clear.
And, yeah, who wouldn't love to work at Chancellor?
But there are other jobs, and...
this is--this is family.
-I hear ya. -It's my new family,
and I don't wanna screw that up.
I get it. Believe me, I had the same concerns.
But then Lily reminded me that this is about her decision.
And she stands by it, so...
I respect that.
So do I.
Look, families are messy,
especially the big extended ones.
Allegiances change.
You're not gonna make everybody happy,
so if you're trying to make Devon and Nate happy,
you're gonna be letting Lily down.
I, uh, I guess I didn't see it that way.
Lily hired me to rebuild Chancellor, okay?
And I don't plan on making her regret that decision.
My goal is to build Chancellor into something
that Lily and eventually Devon can be proud of.
And you will. I have zero doubt about that.
Right. But the question is
am I gonna be doing it with you?
[exhales] I'm in.
It's what Lily wants,
and I'm not about to tell her or you no, so...
-Yes. -Whatever you need.
Don't talk to my boy like that in his club.
If you don't want people to see you as a threat,
don't hand them a reason to think you are.
How is any of what I'm saying a threat?
What are you even doing here?
He was having a close and personal conversation
-with Sienna. -[gasps] Are you okay?
Does she look okay? She's right there!
Yeah, and you have no business being anywhere near her, okay?
Nothing will change what you've done to people, okay?
No memory loss, no memories regained, no apologies.
The things that you've done... they can't be undone.
Noah's right. You don't get to make any demands.
You don't get to expect forgiveness. It's not up to you.
Yeah. I think you're both right. I think me trying to prove
to everybody that I'm a better man is a total waste of time.
It's completely pointless.
No one in this town is ever gonna let me just live.
Self-pity isn't going to help your case, Matt.
So I should just leave, right?
Victor's never gonna cut me a break.
He's just using me to get what he wants
until he gets bored or fed up with me or I don't do it.
And then where am I gonna be? It's better I leave town
on two legs instead of in a coffin.
So, yeah, you know what? I-I'm done.
None of you will ever see or hear from me ever again.
I'm out.
I'm afraid, Victor.
I feel so alone in all this darkness.
It's like you all are living in one world and I'm in another.
But my rock,
my support...
He's gone.
And he's--he's civil and kind.
Sometimes he takes my hand and gets my wrap for me.
Is it wrong to hope for more,
to ask for more?
Your strength...
the love you have shown me in the past.
Because if I don't have that,
if I don't have you...
I don't know how to do this.
[crying]
Captioned by Los Angeles Distribution and Broadcasting, Inc.
Captioning provided by Bell Dramatic Serial Company,
Sony Pictures Television and CBS, Inc.
Join us again for "The Young and the Restless."