It's cold in here. Close the window.
Signora...
Ashtray?
Over there.
Do you know him? Mm. Gino Franco.
The gino Franco?!
Don't make him sound like a celebrity. He's just a gangster.
But he is important!
Was important. Call the morgue. Si, si.
Your husband?
I was with a man. Gino came here. He didn't have a gun - my friend did.
This man, what is his name?
Gino's associates take revenge very seriously.
They will find and kill him.
They also punish unfaithful wives.
Your friend's name?
His name is Rocco...
..Frank Rocco.
Rocco.
I want a general alert put out for frank Rocco.
American citizen resident in Rome. Check aliens bureau, then records...
(Glass shatters)
(Motorbike drowns speech)
Buongiorno.
(Funky music)
Hi! Oh, hello. I did ring.
Here, hold this. I said I did ring,
but you probably didn't hear for the sound of the music. Sorry?
I said you probably... Why don't you switch that thing off?
I think I'll switch that thing off.
Now, let's start again. Hi!
Hi and, er, hello.
Hmm! Nice.
You're five minutes fast.
Good bones.
And the mouth is beautiful!
Look at that nose! Now, that nose really turns me on.
Yes, well, if you'd turn yourself off, I might say something nice about you too.
Oh, yes, please do!
Pay me compliments and flatter me outrageously.
I'll do anything for a man who tells me I'm lovely.
I do believe you're playing hard to get. What's your name?
I'm sid.
That has a nice, feminine sound.
It's short for sidonie. Now, what do you want to do? Shake hands or kiss?
I like to stick to conventions, have a brief courtship first.
How long?
10-15 minutes? I hate long engagements.
Does this mean we are? Hmm.
You may kiss me.
The kissing bandit strikes again! It's another one of those days.
I can't let you out alone. Hi!
Hey, it worked! What worked?
I paid a witch doctor a sum of money to turn you into a toad. It was worth every cent!
Oh, you gotta forgive him. The brain transplant didn't work. Er, sid...
What? You've got a panel truck, haven't you?
Er, yeah? Could I borrow it?
Why? Well, because you're a doll and I need your truck.
Ha, ha. You just love me for my truck!
Does this mean our engagement is off?
Certainly not! And that's something that you both ought to know -
I'm fickle. Er, good night, dad!
There's some pictures upstairs. You'll love 'em.
Brett! You got my message?
Well, that's a damn silly question, or you wouldn't be here.
What's the sudden interest in photography? Or is it sid?
We had to find a safe place to meet. Oh, this is... Manny Howard.
He's with the American... Not in this capacity, judge fulton.
No, of course not. Our meeting is strictly off the record, Brett.
Oh, and... This is frank Rocco.
I'm sure you've heard of him.
Oh, yes. I read the crime pages avidly.
Oh, wait a minute! I'm a businessman.
Yes. Protection business, isn't it?
Well, the American treasury department have him cold on a tax evasion charge.
A certain five to ten years. Well, it seems very reasonable.
Yes, but while he's here in Italy, they can't touch him.
So, what's his problem?
I just shot a guy, that's my problem.
That is a problem. Someone in the same line of work.
Now they've got every punk gun trying to put the button on me.
Not to mention the Italian police.
I hope your insurance is paid up!
Look, this is my insurance. There's enough information in there
to put the nail on a lot of top operators.
In return for that information,
mr Howard's people have agreed to reduce the charges against Rocco and ship him back to the states.
Like I said, I'm a businessman.
Brett...
With what he knows, they could indict the man at the top.
While he gets away scot-free. Perhaps...
But in view of what he can tell them, a lot of other people won't.
It could be the biggest breakthrough yet
against organised crime in america.
I'd like you to help, Brett, but...
Of course, the decision is yours.
Voila!
Does it go? "Go"?!
I can get up to 35-40 miles an hour with this!
Oh, you're kidding?
Did you... did you actually buy this?
No. I got it in a straight swap for my previous vehicle.
And what was that - a kiddy cart?
Ha, ha, ha, very funny (!) Come on, get in.
Well, er, yeah, but look... I don't wanna be personal, but...
You don't like lady drivers?
Well... that's not what I said. No, I said it for you.
(Crunches gears)
Oh, you're... go ahead.
I have absolute positive identification!
The cab driver? Mm-hm.
He went through the file pictures and with no hesitation at all, picked out Rocco immediately! Ah!
And he drove him here?
Set him down near the market less than an hour ago.
Then the chances are he's still in that section.
Ah!
All right, what do you want me to do?
Get Rocco over the frontier, that's all.
Is that all? Once he's out of Italy,
we've no problems getting him back to the us. Oh.
Truck's coming out.
Is Danny in on this? Yes.
And the girl? No, she knows nothing about Rocco.
Hmm.
Well, what about details? Danny has all those.
Our immediate problem is to get him past those roadblocks.
(Door opens)
You wouldn't believe how she drives! To miss the traffic, she drives on the sidewalk!
Are you all set? The truck's in the alley.
Well, Rocco, as they say in Italian westerns, "andiamo".
Your judgeship, is his lordship coming? Yes.
It's an old family Maxim - never send a boy to do a man's work.
Wait a minute!
You understand you are strictly on your own on this?
I mean, we mustn't involve the American embassy.
Why? They may take your passport away.
Here, drink this. It's later than you think.
Good luck.
Come on, Rocco, get inside. Now, I figure they're gonna take a quick look.
But if they spot him, we make a break for it.
Brilliant strategy (!) You follow me in ze car.
Si, superintendente. Right. Ok, pal, inside.
There you are, pal. This is where you're gonna stay.
I'm not getting in there! We didn't have time to clean it.
Wait a minute! I'm not getting in there! Come on.
Do as you're told. Thank you. All right, now quiet.
Move your legs in. Move them in there.
There we are. Now, be as quiet as a mouse.
Oh, that's fine, Danny. Come on. I can't breathe!
You'd better play dead, or else you're gonna be dead.
Captain, I've marked the spot where we're to meet if anything goes wrong.
Juliet? Yes? Goodbye.
Is this an "excuse me" or can we all join in?
Oh, yes, sorry.
Mm! I like it, I like it! Just remember where we stopped.
Stay close behind. I may never leave!
Hi. Me too!
Not a chance! You're not coming, sid. Forget it.
Look, beautiful I may be, but dumb I am not.
You've got frank Rocco in there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This could turn out to be the hottest photo news story of the year!
Smuggling a wanted criminal out of the country? Pictures all the way!
Sidonie, you're not coming.
You stop me and I'll blow the whistle on you.
Ok, your way!
Good.
Cool it, frank, here come De fuzz! You look so serious!
(Knocks on door)
Si, si, grazie. Ciao! Bye.
(Officer speaks in Italian)
Excusi? Open, open. Excusi...
"Fotografica". Take pictures, click, click.
How's that?
Excusi, I told you it's for "fotografica".
You know, take pictures, click, click.
Taking pictures. It's only equipment for the car!
(Siren wails)
I got some great shots!
Do you think they'll catch him? Are you kidding?!
The Scarlet pumpernickel? Oh!
(Beeps horn repeatedly)
Nice big smile. Smile, you're not Gloria Swanson.
Oh, my god.
I'll use that one to advertise toothpaste.
Yeah.
(Banging)
You think he's trying to tell us something?
Yeah. Sidney, now, look,
it's going to be a little rough where we're going.
If you are building up to try and get rid of me,
forget it.
Well, you're just put together so nicely,
I don't want to see you torn apart.
You just keep right on talking and I'll keep on staying.
You're cute, too.
Relax, it's normal. This thing uses more water than gas!
Oh, really (?)
(Engine splutters)
(Sid coughs)
Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Come stai?
Io vorrei una gran bottiglia di acqua per della macchina.
Why don't you get us some grub? I'll check in the back.
Oh, snow white?
Time to get up! It's about time!
It's like a washing machine in here. Where are you going?
I'm riding up front. Sit down! You're not riding anywhere.
Who's gonna recognise me out here? Nobody, if you stay in the truck.
All right, boy scout, you wanna play the big shot?
I won't spoil your fun. You're gonna stay inside until we meet Brett.
Why do I have to wait for him? I say we keep moving.
Sit down!
What's wrong with you, junior? You trying to make time with that chick?
Ordering me around to show her what a tough man you are?
(Sid) Come on, I've got the food.
Oh.
Oh, I'm starved! And some fine old vintage wine.
Oh, terrific! Here, are you hungry? Start.
You think we've got enough? No. You better go get some more.
Drive the truck, boy scout. That's what you're here for.
Bon appetit (!)
Oh, grazie! Grazie, prego. Thank you.
Is this what you're looking for?
Yeah.
Boy, oh boy. You know something?
You're sneaky.
Not as sneaky as you!
Are you worried about Brett?
Oh, he'll be here. He'll be here.
We're gonna rest here for a while. Oh, promises, promises!
(Rocco knocks)
A voice in the wilderness! Coming!
Thanks.
Hey, there!
Hey! Give it to me, will...!
Cut it out now!
I don't want no shots of me in no newspapers!
Will you... will you...? Will you quiet down now?
You scare me to death, big boy.
Come on, come on, calm down! Let's eat first and then we'll fight later.
He started it.
(Danny whistles)
(Whistling continues)
What's so funny?
How come you're buried out here in the middle of no place
with a beat-up old truck
and a chance of getting your head blown off?
I need the money.
Don't give me that.
I come from the same stinking slum as you.
You made it big, so why this?
I really want to know. Why?
I haven't got time to explain it to you.
For kicks, you can go out and stick up a gas station.
Now, wait a minute, maybe you, but not me.
I wasn't trained for that kind of work.
(Danny whistles)
(Rocco tries to start truck)
Ok, let's go!
Wait a minute, wait a minute. We're not going till Brett gets here.
He's not gonna get here. He's not, huh?
No? Well, we're gonna wait anyway.
I think you'd better give me back those keys. Play time's over.
Now what are you doing? The keys.
Car's coming!
Police! They're coming down here.
This way.
Boo! Oh!
Oh, Brett! I knew you'd make it. Scare you to death?
Well, I'm sorry if I'm late.
You know, those police drivers really are remarkably good. How do you like it?
Not bad. Where'd you get it?
It was the only car in the street with the keys in! Brilliant!
Thank you. Tell you something else - that radio in there turned out to be a mine of information.
This is the hottest car in Italy, and that is the second.
I win first prize.
So, what do we do now?
(Both) Walk!
Walk?! Walk.
Walk?
Any bookmakers... Laying out would've given 1000/1
against Rocco getting out of that road block. Coffee.
You know, you've got to give them credit.
Breaking out of that corridor was audacious enough, but...
To stop everything by getting away in a police car!
We'll get them. It's a matter of time.
"Time"? It'll take centuries!
Millions of square miles, thousands of roads. We are looking for four people
in a country where you could lose an army!
(Sighs) Our only hope is we put up our checkpoints on the right roads.
And for their sakes, I hope we get to them before the others do.
(Phone rings)
Brusati.
Where? Ah... ah-ha...
They found the cars... Here!
(Distorted radio communication)
They've left the cars.
Chances are they're on foot in this area.
Contact all our people in this district.
Keep cruising.
Right here. I am sorry.
Your dukeship.
Your lordship, where are you?
Brett, stop fooling around. Brett...
There you are. What did you find?
I found the highway and a big, big old house.
Anybody home? Yeah, the lights are on,
people are dancing (!) How do I know if anybody is home?
As chief scout, you're supposed to find out these things.
Have you got a pencil and paper?
I am going to give you my resignation.
Oh great, galloping... Will you be fair?
I do all the worrying, all the thinking,
all you have to do is take the risks. Sorry, I apologise.
All right. I will go back and wait with the others.
You go up and arrange some food and a car.
I apologise. Stop apologising.
What am I apologising about?
What is that...?
Sorry. Oh!
Didn't mean to make you jump.
Oh, I didn't jump - I just had a nervous breakdown.
You can relax for a few seconds. Daniel is off scouting around
and, knowing him, he'll probably come up with a luxury hotel.
Mmm... How's that?
Mm, not bad.
I don't think I could put up with it for more than 67 hours.
Where's er... Rocco?
Oh, he's off somewhere playing look-out.
By the way, any time you feel like kissing me, just feel free.
Sid... didn't anybody ever tell you that girls
are supposed to be shy, retiring creatures?
Yes, they did, but when I see something in the store that I like, I go in and get it.
Hm. Oh, is that so wrong?
No. No, that's...
My style of life too. And Danny's.
And what are you shopping for?
Funnily enough, neither of us knew until we met judge fulton.
Oh, don't give me that "poor little rich boy" stuff again!
Oh, i'm... I'm serious!
A year ago, I was... Racing at monza.
Came off the track at 130 miles an hour.
Yeah, I know. I saw the pictures.
But the funny thing is, I...
I didn't feel anything.
No excitement, no fear...
Nothing. But during the few jobs I've done for judge fulton, I've come alive again.
And I thought that you did things for strong, noble reasons
like justice and integrity and all that sort of thing.
That is...
..What the judge likes to think.
But I'll let you into a little secret...
What? Quite frankly...
..I'm having the time of my life.
I'd... better see what Danny's up to. Oh, yes, of course.
(Sirens wail)
He's coming!
Well? Well, he's a lovely guy.
He's an Italian count. I told him our car broke down,
and he's gonna arrange not only dinner, but he's gonna arrange another car! Food?!
Ooh, I love him already! Are you sure he's straight?
He could be a relation. I doubt that very much.
He could be the chief of police for all I care! I'm starving.
Come on, let's go.
We are enchanted that the fates have brought you to our home.
Your presence brings lustre to our drab lives!
Oh, thank you! You will honour our house
if you will accept a glass of wine. You're more than gracious.
I'd love to freshen up a bit first.
You will find all you require through there. Thanks.
How'd you like a little lustre in your drab life?
If it means having my hand kissed...
Well, count, this is real hospitality.
I assure you it is my pleasure. Thank you!
Thank you. He's got a groovy pad, I'll tell you that.
You have a beautiful home. Oh, thank you!
Once, my family owned all the land in the area.
But war, taxes and generations of profligacy...
He's got the same problem! ..Have reduced our standards.
To understanding and hospitality! How soon do we get a car?
I will telephone for one immediately.
But it will take some hours to reach here.
Well, then, we can't wait. We gotta go.
Will you sit down? Sit down. Have a drink. Here you are. Shh. Shh.
It won't take long to prepare your rooms.
You are more than kind, but we'll be quite comfortable here.
As you wish.
Now, if you will excuse me, I will prepare your food.
Ah... permisi, signorina.
Now, that is mr charm himself.
Why don't you three ask if he gives lessons?
Look, we're wasting time and that's dangerous.
Rocco, we know you're trying to qualify for the olympic boring team, but we have news for you -
you have qualified, so just sit down and relax.
Yeah, relax (!) It's my head on the chopping block.
Do what his lordship says.
To our host - an aristocrat and a gentleman.
Si... quattro persone.
Si, comprende.
Thank you. Signor...
Grazie.
No, thank you. Count, it's been a wonderful dinner, beautifully served. Excellent.
A little fruit, perhaps? No, thank you.
There must be something I can do for you?
Well, thank you. You've done everything already.
We've kept you from your bed for far too long.
No-one could feel tired in the presence of such a beautiful lady.
(Purrs)
But if you feel quite certain there is no more you require...
Perhaps your car will arrive before I'm awake
and we won't have the opportunity to say goodbye.
So, if you could permit me...
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
What is this? Your account, gentlemen.
Account? Oh. Dinner for four,
drinks, accommodation, use of facilities...
It is all itemised.
Account? You mean... You mean this is the bill, right?
Well, pay the gentleman, Danny.
Er, isn't that a lot of bread for a meal?
Ah, no, signore. Not just for a meal, but for the privilege of having it in my home.
I never thought of that. Yes, well, I would like to say
it has been a pleasure and an outrage to meet you, and the cost of your hospitality
was more than compensated by the mere charm of your presence.
Here you are. And buonanotte.
Good night. I'll keep this for a receipt.
Buonanotte. Buonosera. Good night...
Danny, you know something? What?
You've been taken. Drink that. I'm gonna take the whiskey home!
Oh! What is it?
We have been gift-wrapped.
Anything?
There's somebody out there.
I wish it was us. Good thought.
You, it's too... You walked straight into this!
You had a nice meal! I paid for it, remember?
Gratitude!
Daniel...?
My lord?
(Glass shatters)
Oh...!
Room service was appalling!
Argh! You didn't even clear the table!
For breakages.
(Whispers) Come on, get in!
Allons-y!
(Gun shots)
Fix that tyre!
They should be well on their way to the frontier by now.
If they get lucky.
They usually are, they're cool customers.
They're probably treating the whole thing like a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive.
There isn't any turn-off on this road for about 20 miles.
The way he drives, who needs roads?
Wait a minute... I'd rather be a moving target.
Wait a minute!
Another roadblock.
You're kidding (?)
Ok, everybody out.
What now?
(Both) Walk!
Where are you going? Here, hold that.
Ok.
(Crash)
When are we going to get there, dad?
It will be much closer if you would stop complaining.
Do you mind very much if we stop for a minute?
Why not?
How is it you are always clean?
Because I think clean.
Dear, dear, dear.
(He whistles)
Look at them.
A murderer and a gentleman.
That's it, fellas.
Not another step.
Here, pull up a rock. And rest a second.
Finished. Feet kaput.
Just give me one good reason why I should go any further.
If I was a horse, you'd shoot me.
(Gunshot)
Want any more reasons?
Out!
(Speaks Italian)
(Laughing)
(Music drowns speech)
Biciclettes! Dove sono?
(Shouts in Italian)
I know you're gonna think I'm just an old worrier,
but there are two awfully familiar cars down there.
Can we outrun 'em? Oh, yes, if you get out and push
and you can do the ten-mile-a-minute mile.
Ok. Sid, Rocco, we're gonna drop you off at the next bend.
Hey, now wait a minute...!
You can foot it from there to the rendezvous, which is marked on the map.
If you think that I'm gonna -
just be quiet and do what you're told.
We're going to take them for a scenic drive and then we'll meet you around about sun-up.
With any luck, you'll have some champagne on ice.
Go that way. I'll see you later. Hey, but... hey!
Oh...! That way!
Oh, wait! Come on, wind her up.
I'd like you know, Brett, i'm worried.
Why, they'll make it?
I'm not worried about them. I'm worried about us.
That's selfish.
They're still with us.
And you're still worried?
Fasten your seat belt.
Do you think these guys would stop for a truce while we change a tyre?
I think it's hardly likely. Well, I got another possibility.
Which is? Why don't you make the supreme sacrifice -
give up your life? Then I can get away.
That is what heroes do. You know I'm not like that.
Right. Well, then, we can do something else.
Hm? Stop the car and we'll run!
Hey, Mayfair?
Where do these guns keeping coming from?
I get them wholesale.
Here they come.
Now, wait.
(Gun shots)
Now.
Wait!
Hey, they're brave, aren't they?
I got one! No, as a matter of fact, I got him.
It's mine! No, I'm telling you it's mine.
I can tell from the angle at which I shot. We wait.
About another mile.
You mean we've crossed the border already?
It's a smuggler's route.
Do you think they'll make it?
Daniel...
Daniel! Here, here.
What is it?
The natives are getting restless again.
How many are there? Seven.
There are six of them. Seven.
Do you wanna bet?
$100.
Do you take a cheque?
(Gun shots)
I bags the one with the black hat.
Ok, ok.
(Click)
What's the wholesale position on bullets?
The bottom just fell out.
So did mine.
That could kill you.
What are you doing?
Making it tougher for them to get in.
And what are you doing? When I go, I go tidy.
(Gun shots)
This is the point where the cavalry usually arrives.
Yeah, well, it does in Donald o'Connor movies.
You know, my... Great-great-grandfather, the seventh Earl, was once in a spot like this.
Oh, yeah? What happened? Where? In India.
He was cut off from his regiment, out of ammunition, surrounded by at least 10,000 tribesmen.
Wow! What did he...? You know what he did?
What did he do? Oh, for me?
Well, he...
He drew his sword.
And all alone, entirely alone, walked out to face them.
Wow! Wow. What happened?
Hm? Oh, they killed him.
Listen, how it is poss-? Shhh!
Is it my imagination or has it suddenly gone quiet?
It certainly suddenly did.
Oh, that's odd.
They're winning and they pick up their marbles.
Hey, listen!
(Distant siren wails)
It's the cavalry!
Well... we did a little better than your grandfather.
Yeah. What are you doing?
Making it easier for them to come in. Wanna give me a hand?
No, you put them there! Oh, oh, oh!
Well, sid and Rocco should be home safe and dry by now.
I guess so. Excuse me, will you? Do you have another flask?
No. I figure with good behaviour, it'll only be three years in front of the firing squad.
Entrez! We have guests! Come on in. Why don't you bring your horses?
You know, I've always been a great admirer of the police...
I think you're wasting your time.
(Speaks in Italian)
As a matter of fact, I was thinking... Danny?
Yes? Danny, I think there's something you ought to know.
You will admit my small deception worked beautifully.
Our compliments to your twisted brain.
You mean these are not real police? Keep watch out there.
You've given me a hard time.
Oh, we're hoping to continue.
And it looks like you've won. No Rocco?
Oh, no Rocco. He's over the border. You may still be able to catch him.
Oh, yes, of course! The er... Midnight rendezvous.
We have a most efficient intelligence network.
Well, you... You seem to know it all.
Not quite all. The meeting place, for instance?
But you're going to tell me.
Plenty of time to reach him.
Now...
The place?
(Speaks in Italian)
Even minor bullet wounds can be most painful.
I think you'll tell me what I want to know.
Don't tell him. He's bluffing.
He's not bluffing.
That time, the hair. I'll ask you once again...
Where is Rocco?
Right here. Don't turn around.
Drop the guns. Come on, drop them fast!
On the floor!
Rocco? What are you doing here?
Rocco? You're not frank Rocco?!
We packed him half way across Italy, he'd better be Rocco!
Right, your lordship?
Danny, if he's not frank Rocco, he must be Manny Howard. American embassy, right?
Right. It was gonna be tough getting Rocco out of Italy, so we switched places.
But why his grace and me?
The judge figured you'd carve a trail and everybody would follow. He was right.
That's nice (!) Judge fulton and Rocco travel first class without even -
it wasn't that bad. You believed it. They believed it. It worked.
Why'd you give us such a hard time? What was that about?
I had to keep in character! Want a punch for character?!
Later. Rocco and the judge wanna say goodbye.
I'd like to say goodbye to the judge too!
Will you tell something to Rocco?
Tell him we have many friends, big connections in the United States.
His life is a very temporary event.
Judge, I think you're one of the biggest con artists in the world.
Take it easy, judge. Bye!
So long.
That's what I'd like to be! Hm.
I got some news for you - that's not frank Rocco.
That's not frank Rocco? No.
You're joking? He is not joking.
That's about the size of it.
You mean, all I have is some pictures of an American agent?
Yeah, just about. I took hundreds of shots! Hundreds!
There's some nice ones of us. You still have the toothpaste ad!
Oh, toothpaste ad!
Oh, come on, sid. It's not that bad! It's really rather a giggle.
Oh, sure. I'm hysterical.
Where's your sense of humour?
Whoa! For one terrible moment, I thought you were going to drive off and leave us standing there!
With the nearest town 30 miles away? Now, that really would be a giggle!
Hey!
So where's your sense of humour?!
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