Douglas.
Not to worry, Dr. Greame.
Everything's been properly laid on.
Mr. Vancruysen has arranged for you to put up
at the Cricket Club at Lulak Landing.
Splendid. We can stage right out from there, Sybil.
Thank you very much. See that it's no longer.
Good-O.
Good luck.
So that's the lady anthropologist, eh?
Yeah. What a waste of woman that is.
It certainly is. Of course, you always were
a great judge of women, Tee Hee.
Oh, fantastic.
Lady scientists, they're a special breed.
- Did I ever tell you at... - Yeah, uh, many times.
Listen, old buddy, we got a little business opportunity
we'd like to talk to you about.
Forget it, you two blokes are into me
for six weeks' advance pay already.
This is a financial matter, Tee Hee. A great opportunity.
I know. And all you want's a few hundred.
- No, we don't want any money. - Not a penny, Tee Hee.
Look, all we wanna do is take that convoy up to Lulak.
Now, that's where it's goin', isn't it, Lulak?
Yeah, Lulak, then upriver to Takura... coun...
- Well, we can handle it. - Of course, it's child's play.
- No chance. - Why not?
Last week you bust up one of me planes.
Now you wanna have a go at me lorries.
You're grounded, old buddy. That's the way it's gonna stay.
That goes for ground vehicles too.
- I had a headwind. - Oh, don't be so unfair.
We... We gotta go to Takura country.
You blokes are puttin' me on.
What would you want up in the bush with an anthropological...
Something you would not understand.
Scientific curiosity.
I am, after all, something of an anthropologist
in my own right as you well know, Tee Hee.
- Not interested. - You could make a little money.
- A lot of money. - Money?
Phosphors.
They're worth 10,000 American dollars a kilo.
- Ten thousand? - It's true.
For what?
The stuff is used in color TV tubes.
Color TV tubes?
It's in every single color television set in the world.
Look, most of Takura's uncontrolled and unexplored.
How do you blokes know where the stuff is?
Ah, from these.
Every single one of these artifacts
is from the same corner of the Takura territory,
and the dirt sediments on every one
show traces of rare phosphors.
Alright.
- Say, you find the stuff... - Find it?
How are you gonna keep the expedition sittin' there
while you file your claim?
Oh, you underestimate here, Professor Kreps.
She is searching for ancient bones, ya?
Now, by sheer coincidence,
every time we find something, she finds something.
Yeah.
Presto, she finds her ancient bones.
Just enough, but still,
it's a thrilling contribution to science...
It might work.
Of course, I wouldn't do anything dishonest.
- Oh, no. - Oh, no, no.
- You would do it for one-third? - For one-third, I would.
Sergeant Siria, it gives me great pleasure to know
that I go on this march with an old friend.
Father Dillingham, with you leading us,
we'll walk in peace.
Thank you, sergeant.
What about this man?
Him savvy walkabout strong. No savvy backer up.
Good. You come.
- Morning. - Good morning.
Yes? I... I'm afraid I don't quite...
We'd just like to have a minute of your time.
You have some business with me?
- Miss Greame... - Dr. Greame.
Dr. Greame, I'd like to present a fellow scientist.
- This is Professor Otto Kreps. - Madam.
How do you do, professor?
Oh, if you'll excuse me, I'm busy.
Well, that's just the point. That's why we're here.
- Why? - To help.
- What? - Yeah.
We are prepared to devote our full time
to the expedition in exchange for a very modest fee,
in advance, of course.
Didn't I see you both back at the airport?
- Yeah. - Hm, how did you get here?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm, uh, Douglas Temple, your friendly convoy leader.
Which explains the delay, I imagine.
Thank you, gentlemen, but no, thank you.
I don't think you understand.
You see, Professor Kreps here,
he knows all about anthropology, geology, that stuff.
He's an experienced trader and he speaks fluent pidgin.
- Fluent pidgin? - True.
Douglas is a first-class mechanic, radio operator,
photographer, short-order cook, and an excellent barber too.
Oh, thank you very much.
Two Renaissance men, Spofford.
- Yeah. - It's a pity we can't use them.
But you see, Father Dillingham,
apart from being fluent in pidgin,
speaks 31 native dialects.
I know a little about anthropology,
geology, that stuff.
And Spofford here is my radio operator, mechanic
photographer, cartographer, and lab technician.
- Wonderful. - Spofford!
- Okay. - Good luck.
Bye.
I'd say that guy was a menace.
Wouldn't you?
Help! Mother!
- Someone! - Bruce?
- Bruce, where are you? - I'm over here!
- Where? - Up here!
Good Lord!
- Will you, please, get me down? - What's he doin' up there?
How on earth did you get up there?
You know, I really don't know.
Don't worry, Spoff, I'll have you right down.
Well, you hurry, will you?
The blood's rushing to my bloody head. Hurry!
Oh!
- Mornin'. - We have been thinking of you.
Oh, I imagine so.
- Ah! - Rotten break.
In two places.
- Morning. - Is it?
Oddly enough, Douglas and I were just discussing last night,
after this dreadful accident, of course,
just how difficult it will be for you
to get anything done without Spofford.
Stop wasting time. I assume you're both ready.
Oh, yeah, we're both ready, alright.
Canoes ought to be along in a minute.
As for terms, we'll be happy to take
exactly what Spofford got.
I hope you get just that.
Look, the canoes are coming.
And right on schedule.
Good. Well, Mr. Temple and Mr. Kreps are going...
The paddlers. They're women.
You noticed.
A little unexpected, perhaps.
But the girls from Pamukana are the best paddlers
in the district, my dear.
Pamukana. Pamuk... Isn't that the village of prostitution?
Pros... prostitution?
- Yes. - And canoe paddling, of course.
You see, it's, uh, uh, very marshy there.
They, uh, they just can't grow anything.
Putim cargo in boats.
Alonga canoe.
Oh, yes. Putim cargo alonga canoe.
Uh, uh, I'm afraid they don't take orders from a woman.
Do you mind?
Ah, make him world.
So we make his world,
then he puts sky all around
and he build up sun and moon
and stars all plenty. Altogether too many stars.
And one day...
Bless you, my children. Now go to your tents.
Come on, sergeant.
Everybody, look charming.
I think we're about to meet out hosts.
We like talk-talk Luluway along spirit house.
Number one.
Sybil, I'm going up to the meeting house
to arrange for carriers.
We go.
- What are you doing here? - Ain't she supposed to be here?
No. It's forbidden to all women.
Good day, old friend, belonga me.
Me and me likey... some fella man
carry him cargo along walkabout.
Now, show him road I go along Kungamunda. That's all.
He says he'll give us carriers,
but they'll expect a big payback.
- What do you wanna give 'em? - Steel axes.
Alright, one to each man, huh?
He says you're the father of generosity.
Number one.
Get her out of here.
Put that rifle down, man!
Women are forbidden in the spirit house!
- I'll try and arrange a moga. - What's a moga?
Let go of my hair!
- Give he some fella tobacco. - Tobacco?
Ah.
Mirror.
I think it's a love potion.
Ah, you're welcome, chief.
You're welcome.
I think it's a love potion.
Well, what do you know? It works.
Share mine with the bunnies.
- 6:00, morning time, Siria. - Yes, madam.
Ah...
can I walk you to your tent?
Yes.
Even you ought to know
there's no such thing as an aphrodisiac.
It's all in your mind.
It sure is.
Um, thank you, Douglas, but no, thank you.
But, thank you.
No, I mean, it... it was, uh,
bit sticky on that ladder and you were splendid.
Yankee, go home.
Those damn mosquitos.
Ceratopogonidae. Bush mites to you.
If there's anything I can't stand, it's a brainy woman.
Mornin'.
Champagne and winter strawberries.
Are you packed? We leave at 6:00.
Sybil, I wanna tell you something.
I never told any woman in my life.
Your fly is open.
That, um, that big moga payment
has forced us to reschedule our drop site.
So, the new drop site is there.
Maybe, but that's not a contour map.
- Speakin' of contours... - Douglas.
- Yeah? - Last night was...
- Yeah, I know. - No.
Last night was...
I mean, it was...
it was meaningless.
Oh.
You mean I don't have a season ticket, is that it?
Don't be hurt. We just have to keep it simple.
Alright.
Cargo cult.
I thought that kind of thing was all over and done with.
No. Now it's worse than ever.
You see, during the war, these people saw
all kinds of marvelous cargo delivered from the sky,
so they started to build alters.
Clearings in the jungle
just like the army drop sites during the war.
Bad business.
- He's still got his dog tags. - We'd better keep moving.
- What's goin' on? - Tambu.
Dangerous to go on.
- You mean this thing? - Yeah.
- You serious? - We'll have to go back.
- Leave cargo. - Go back? 10 miles?
Ah, hell.
- Let's go. - Tambu. No pass.
Well, that's all fixed.
Let's go.
Okay. We go.
Well, that should be sufficient.
Cargo boy, catch him cargo. Quick time now.
Alright, we'll, uh, leave this one.
Uh, maybe we ought to tell 'em that's all they can have, huh?
Alright, we give 'em you fella, that's all.
Put in cargo.
Let's get outta here.
Well?
No, nothin'.
Thought we had a contact, but...
it musta been an electrical storm.
It's bad enough we're lost,
but we suspect you've walked us off the map.
Is it possible, Douglas, that we've wandered
into uncontrolled territory?
Oh, I don't think so, Pops. Once we get up on that hill...
Not we, you. You and Kreps.
Tomorrow you're going up there with the radio and the sextant.
We stay right here till we get supplies.
And don't you come back until you know where we are
and have made radio contact.
Yes, sir, General Greame, sir.
Tee Hee, Tee Hee. Come in, Tee Hee.
Lab Expedition, this is NGA 505.
- Hello, Tee Hee. - I can hear you, Doug.
But you're not coming in too clear.
Please repeat coordinates.
Uh, G-41, S-65.
Those are the coordinates. Have you got it?
G-41, S-65. Those are the coordinates.
- Douglas. - It's a lousy drop site.
I said... Will ya shut up?
Come in from the southeast, about 6000.
Do you read me? Do you read me?
- It's completely unimportant. - It's not unimportant.
Look, I gotta go back down and tell Sybil that...
- What are you doing? - I have struck the vein.
- The vein? - Yes.
Well, I'll tell her later.
There!
Look at that. Douglas, feel it.
Smell it. Taste it, my boy.
Douglas.. Today, you are a rich man.
My dear Douglas, we are both millionaires.
Do you realize that?
Will you join me in a drink, my dear friend?
Why not?
Uh, will you have a, a drink of whiskey?
- Ah, are you buying? - Oh, every day from now on.
We're rich. We're rich! We're rich! We're rich!
We're rich!
Rich! Rich!
Hey, let me ask you something.
What?
Are you sure this stuff is used in color TV tubes?
Oh!
Listen, we haven't got much time.
Oh, y... you're right. You're right.
You'd better start salting those bones around.
Oh, what an Easter egg hunt she's gonna have.
No, no, no, Douglas. Not... Not like that.
No, no, you must hide them very carefully.
She must have something to occupy herself
while we map the deposits.
Oh, alright.
And, uh, I'll be right with you.
Hello! We're back.
Well, where have you been and where are we?
My dear Dr. Greame,
we have a significant discovery to announce.
- Indeed. - Well, look at that one.
Tuberculum geniale of Pithecanthropus Pekinesis.
That's a rare find. Congratulations, gentlemen.
You must be very proud of yourselves.
- Have a look at this, Pop. - Yes, it's Pekinesis, alright.
What the hell did you take us for?
That bone is Chinese, Mid-Pleistocene.
It had to come from the Kwangsi Province...
It's just a joke. Pops, do you get it?
Chinese bones in New Guinea?
- Very funny. - We did find somethin' though.
- We really did. Look at that. - Funnier all the time.
Alas, poor Yorick!
It does resemble Sinanthropus.
Yeah, except that it's more Hominian than Sinanthropus.
Hold this carefully.
They match. They match.
What does that mean, they match?
Well, that skull belonged to a creature
that was half man, half ape.
Well, don't you see? It predates Neanderthal.
This could be a million years old.
Two. It bridges the gap between man and the lower creatures.
That could be the missing link.
- Where did you find it? - Way over there beyond those...
Where?
Listen. Look!
- Oh, Douglas. - Yeah.
Wouldn't it be marvelous if we could find
another complete skull?
Yeah. Well, let's not keep your fossils waiting.
Hey, how's that?
Yeah, yeah, that's good, eh? But not quite as good as this.
This stuff is so pure, it's almost refined.
Hey, where'd you find this?
Ain't this what she's lookin' for?
Yeah, yeah, I show that to her later.
Oh, I'll show it to her now.
- How's it goin'? - Marvelously.
Need any spare parts?
Oh!
- Oh, Pop, it looks the same. - Yeah.
Same large braincase. Jaw roomy enough for speech.
- Yeah, but it looks different. - Where?
Well, I'm not quite sure. Where did you find it?
Oh, Kreps and I were over there diggin' around in the bushes...
Why? What are you trying to prove?
What's the matter? We...
Is this another one of your stupid practical jokes?
But it looks the same, doesn't it?
It doesn't look the same
and it isn't a million years old.
It isn't even ten years old.
I think there are some even younger than that.
Oh, stop it. Put that thing down.
Can't you see I'm trying to win their confidence?
Will you be quiet? I almost had her.
You've been gettin' nowhere for a week.
She had a nice little pink figure underneath all that fur.
Nice little hips. Make a nice pet.
You bloody fool.
June 12. Another wasted day.
After three weeks of searching, the closest I've come
to actually seeing one of the creatures
is the back of Mr. Temple's head.
For the record, she was a female.
For convenience of classification,
I've decided to call the species...
Paranthropus Erectus Greamensis.
Greamensis. Yeah.
Well, the only word I recognized was Greamensis.
I guess that's good for the old career, huh?
Panthro, Panthro.
I think I'll just call "em Tropis, if you don't mind.
You can call them Rover or Spot, if you like.
Krepsie, how did you do it?
Ham. They... They love ham.
They love flowers too. Go... Go on, throw one.
Pop, send the rest of the boys back for the other cameras.
And some ham.
- Grow up. - I didn't do nothin'.
Will you stop?
That's where it's at, man.
Come on.
Krepsie, she's got brown eyes.
No, not brown. The color of topaz.
Little Topazia.
Krepsie, can you bring her out more in the open?
Well, they... they're all very timid.
They don't seem to like to come out. Come on.
Get 'em when the ham's comin'.
Little Topazia.
Ah! Yeah.
The richest deposits are definitely in Sector C.
But we must have an accurate map to protect the claim.
- They laugh. - Huh?
They laugh.
What?
Pop says they laugh...
and they do.
They laugh.
Oh, Douglas, that was marvelous! They look pleased.
God has given them the gift of reason.
Have I the right to abandon them in their innocence?
Damn science.
- Finished that? - Yeah, just now. Here.
The best job the Bureau of Minerals will ever see.
We've gotta get into town somehow.
Well, why shouldn't we?
Well, Sybil wants us to stay with the Tropis.
I heard her tell Pops we're going on half rations.
Ah, so? Our problems are not over.
Well, don't worry, Krepsie. I'll think of something.
I've decided to send the film back to Vancruysen.
- With Douglas and Kreps? - Well, what else can I do?
It's out of the question either of us leave now.
It's insane to trust them.
Isn't it, Pop?
Douglas told me that if we took the radio out of the crater,
it would work.
No.
Well, then the signal could be picked up by anyone.
- Syb! - Douglas is nothing but a...
Hey, Syb.
I wanna talk to you.
I wanna talk to you, Doug.
- Oh. - Do you mind, Krepsie?
Uh...
Excuse us, Pops.
- Where we going? - Come on.
Oh, look.
- Do you like it? - Yeah.
- Nice, isn't it? - Uh-huh.
Uh, why are we here?
Well, but, pretty and romantic.
Private.
- Douglas? - Mm-hmm.
Can I trust you?
No':?
- No. - Prove it.
I want you personally to deliver
a very important letter to Vancruysen.
- Vancruysen? - Mm-hmm.
And this is all part of your dedication to work, heh?
Mm, tempered with a little biological urge.
And he's gonna come just like that?
- Mm-hmm. - All the way from Sydney?
Yes.
Well, he must really have the hots for science.
He's helped me a lot
and when he reads the letter, he'll help me even more
because he'll understand how great my discovery is.
Well, he may be conning you, but he isn't conning me.
Conning?
He's not interested in buyin' science,
he's buyin' you.
- Do you mean... - Yeah.
Oh, you're impossible. You're a perpetual adolescent.
Yes, I am. I'm no patron of science.
You lie down with a millionaire and maybe you'll wake up
with a Nobel Prize.
That depends, love, on whether Vancruysen
gets the letter in time.
He'll get it alright, I'll wear it right here
right next to my heart.
With all the money you owe me.
You'll be paid.
And button your shirt.
Tell the Mission School I won't be back
before the big rains.
Yeah, good, good. The sooner the better.
We'll be back when we get over the mountains.
Douglas?
We go. We go.
- Good morning. - Mornin'.
Listen, I don't think we oughta say anything
about the phosphorus to the old goat, huh?
Please, Douglas, I will handle Vancruysen, hm?
Alright.
Herr Gott, must we watch all of this?
I thought Vancruysen was supposed to be here.
I am.
Sybil's right. I'm very proud of her.
She has made a sensational discovery.
- Hear, hear, sir. - Absolutely wonderful.
Sit down.
- Mr. Vancruysen? - Mm-hmm.
Mr. Vancruysen, that's nothing up there.
Here, let me show you something really sensational...
- Some other time, professor. - No, no, please.
This won't take ten seconds. Here, give me your hand.
You're in Mr. Vancruysen's way.
Keep your hand off the fat boy. I told you we shouldn't...
Douglas, please, allow me to take care of the business.
Phosphorus.
Hey, you know how much that stuff is worth?
Ten thousand dollars a kilo. Right, Buffington?
Ten one. It went up two points this week.
Yes, yes, that's right.
And take a look at this now, gentlemen.
We would be willing to go 50-50 with you on a development deal.
Buffington, my general counsel will work it out.
- Please make a note. - It's uncontrolled territory.
How do you propose to get phosphorus out?
Um, regular mining operation, I guess.
Try again.
Sybil wants to keep the Tropis under wraps
until her research is more advanced.
A mining crew would make that impossible. Rewind.
Alright, uh, Bushmen, cargo boys.
According to Sybil's letter, the creatures are scared
of blacks. That's been one of the problems.
We wouldn't want to do anything to hinder her work. Hold it now.
Why don't we take the deal to somebody else...
- Douglas, control your temper. - Lights.
Start again.
I may have an idea.
Topazia, be careful! Come back here.
Come back here, you little devil.
Topazia! I'm sorry, Mr. Vancruysen,
but she's crazy about helicopters, you know.
She thinks they're some kind of a toy.
Yes, yes, just keep her away from the machinery.
We wouldn't want your pet to get hurt.
No, no, no. Thank you.
Well, glad you decided to come and visit me.
I wanna show you how my operation works.
I know how your operation works.
- No, you don't. Come here. - I came to collect number 26.
- Number what? - Here he is.
- Oh! That's Morris. - Morris?
Yeah. He's my best man.
Look, I'm trying to run a business here.
He hasn't filled out his quota for the week yet.
Morris here's gonna make me a rich man.
Aren't you, Morris?
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
The extent of your wealth is of no interest to me.
However, Number 26, Morris
has to finish his test and I'm taking him to the lab.
- I don't think so. - No?
Lionel? Lionel?
Oh. Put... Put me down, you fool.
- Do you mind? - No. Morris.
What? No. No!
Lionel. Lionel! Stop!
Oh, no. Lionel! Stop!
Lionel! No!
Oh.
Say, that was beautiful.
That was beautiful. No more testing for you.
You're gonna end up owning the company.
Having fun, darling?
Could you hold it. Thank you very much.
Tell this idiot that the scientific phase
of the project comes first.
Number 26 has to finish his tests.
Number 26, nothing. This is Morris and he's my best man.
I'm tryin' to run a business here. Will you tell her?
Come on, let her have Number 26, uh, Morris
to put through the new equipment.
And, uh, speaking of new equipment, darling.
Oh, how lovely. Thank you. New equipment?
Yes. New testing gear.
The apparatus for the breeding clinic arrives today.
The breeding clinic?
What do they need a breeding clinic for?
They do alright on their own. They keep it simple.
A selective breeding clinic will, uh, ensure
a continuity of subjects for Sybil's research.
And the Tropis will hardly mind.
- Come on. - Come on.
Go on, take him. Take him!
Take him all the way to Stockholm.
Yes, darling, beautiful. Give us a smile.
Smile. It's wonderful! Come on. Come on out.
Beautiful shots. Come on.
Let's have some more over here. Right here.
Come on.
Yeah, let me have that beautiful smile of yours again.
Okay. Beautiful. Keep it up.
Great.
Just gonna get a towel.
Good morning. Good morning.
Pop, what in the world are you doing?
It's Sunday. I've decided to baptize them.
I wouldn't do that, Pop.
If they're animals, you're committing a terrible sacrilege.
Now go on and do it, Pop. Do it!
No.
No, I can't.
Mr. Vancruysen's right.
Not until we know beyond all doubt.
Hell, then I'll do it myself.
Now, name of the Father.
Son, the Holy Ghost.
Well, Mr. Vancruysen, I don't understand it.
I just don't understand it.
Sybil, maybe it isn't their breeding season.
They don't breed seasonally.
They seem to mate
according to a random biological urge.
Well, I was really rooting for that blond pair.
I'd like to see all of them that color.
I beg your pardon?
For public relations, of course.
It's wrong, wrong! An offense against God and nature.
- Sybil. - Hm?
There're 16 Tropis missing. Now where the hell are they?
- Here. - What are they doing here?
I should think you might be able to figure that out.
Oh, I can figure that out, alright.
What I can't figure out is this place.
This isn't exactly a tunnel of love, you know.
Why don't you tell us what's really goin' on around here?
I'm afraid I had to practice a little deception, darling.
Up to now, I haven't been able to tell you
that your great discovery goes far beyond
being a revolution in anthropology.
You've made an even more important contribution
to all humanity.
That's why I'm so positive
you'll get the Nobel Prize.
I... I'm not quite sure what you mean, darling.
You've uncovered a vast source of cheap labor
to reduce the sum of human toil.
Sensational, sir.
In your spinning mills alone
Tropi labor will sweep the Japanese
right out of the market.
- The Tropis? - That's slavery.
Oh? And what are you paying them at your little phosphor mine?
That's different. You know it.
Oh, come now, Temple, there's no law
that prohibits the use of domestic animals
to relieve human labor.
Who in the hell says they're animals?
You? Well, do ya?
I've told you 50 times, I can't answer that yet.
- No one can. - Well, why can't ya?
The question is academic, anyway.
It seems they'll only breed in the wild state
and not in here.
Similar problems exist with all livestock.
They're solved by artificial insemination.
Artificial insemination?
Splendid, Mr. Vancruysen.
We'll check on the equipment immediately.
Come along, Spofford.
Vancruysen, you know something?
You're really a bastard.
Why don't you just crossbreed the Tropis with gorillas?
Then you can feed 'em bamboo shoots.
You could save a fortune in ham.
Very good idea. Why not?
Because, damn it, the Tropis are human!
And you don't breed humans with animals.
Even you wouldn't do that, would ya?
Oh, it's not a choice. You can't...
Sodomy! Satanism!
I won't listen to any more.
You can't what?
You can't breed animals to humans.
But it does happen to be the ultimate test.
Lemme get this straight.
You mean, if some guy knocks up a...
You mean, if a Tropi and a human have a kid
that means the Tropis are human.
Well, yes.
Only animals of the same zoological species
can have offspring.
What about Mitzie here?
Even if nothing comes of it,
you'll have one of those magical jungle nights
you'll remember all your life.
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
And a birthday cake.
Happy birthday, Sybil. You look charming.
- Thank you. - I'll drink to that.
Flower's on the wrong side.
You're not available, are ya?
There. Is that better?
What is it?
They're inviting us to the Singsing.
Maybe later. Tell them we are
celebrating Miss Greame's birthday.
What a marvelous way
to celebrate a birthday.
Oh, couldn't we go for a while?
It's your night, darling.
We'll be right back, gentlemen.
Douglas?
Thank you.
My God.
They're roastin' 'em.
Yeah, roast, roasted with margarine.
Move it. Hold it!
Get out of the way!
- Damn cannibals. - Kauni, how could you?
He says they're not our Tropis.
They're wild ones.
And that makes it alright with you, huh?
Topazia!
Krepsie. Kreps, do you see her?
No, I can't find her anywhere.
Good God.
He's gonna be killed.
- Do something! - Well, I...
Is she alright?
Are you kidding? She had a ball.
Let's get outta here. Come on get in.
Now we'll fly her down to Sydney
we'll present her to the press there.
Yeah, good idea.
We'll say she's pregnant.
- What? - Pregnant.
You know, with child interbred with a human.
She's puttin' on a little weight, you know.
Yeah, I've noticed that.
We'll get away with it, alright.
We'll make the front page of every newspaper in the world.
Cover of "LIFE," Who Is The Father?
- Right? - Right. You're right.
Douglas, you really would give up
all that money just to stop Vancruysen?
You're damn right I would.
I know you wouldn't, Krepsie.
I know you're doin' it just...
Well, I thank you for it.
Listen, you and me and Topazia,
we're gonna knock Vancruysen right on his can.
We might even marry her off to some rich guy like Onassis.
We'll go on a worldwide father hunt.
Who is the daddy of Topazia's child?
Who is the father? How... How's that grab you?
Greame expedition.
- Who's the girlfriend, Doug? - She's a Cuban refugee.
Yeah, I got that set. Right, mate.
- How's it goin', Tee Hee? - Fine.
What's with Bonnie and Clyde?
Well, it's a protege of Vancruysen's.
Got anything goin' to Sydney?
You'd think a bloke with all his money
would do better than that.
Yeah.
Hey, what's wrong with her?
Uh, green apples or something.
She'll be alright once she lies down in the plane.
Not in my plane, she don't.
That funny-looking bag ain't gonna puke
all over my upholstery.
- Green apples in New Guinea? - Yeah.
- Douglas, we've got a problem. - What's the matter?
She'll never make it to Sydney. We must get her to a hospital.
We'll take your car.
Thank you, love.
She'll be alright.
Where the hell's the damn doctor?
Uh, good day. My name is Figgins.
- You the doctor? - Yes, Dr. Figgins.
- Come on in. - Oh, thank you.
- Where the hell you been? - Oh, it's a disgrace.
When it rains like this, it takes me hours to get home.
Hours. Eh... eh, do you mind?
But I expected it. That's why I wore my raincoat.
Wonderful.
Where's the little mother?
The mother?
Oh, uh... pardon me.
Ah, the baby.
The baby's dead.
- Yeah, we know. - How's the mother?
Asleep and apparently doing very well.
Ah, I'll just get me flashlight and examine her further.
Doctor, I think maybe you oughta fill out
the death certificate, huh?
Yeah, b... but, really, I...
- Right over here. - Yes, oh, right.
- Death certificate. - Oh, yes, yes.
Death certificate.
The, uh, professor's had a rough time on it.
Yes, I can see that. Okay.
Uh, father's full name.
Otto Meyer Kreps.
Mother's maiden name.
- Topazia. - What?
Topazia.
Topazia... what?
- Topazia what? - Greamensis.
- What? - Greamensis.
Greamensis. Yes. Greamensis.
- They're not married. - They're not... not married.
- There's someone at the door. - No, there's not.
- There isn't? - Sign it.
Oh, yeah.
- Thank you. - Yes.
Well, where is she?
She just had a baby.
A baby?
- Baby's dead. - Yeah.
This is a court order directing you to turn over
the creature, Topazia, to us.
She just had a baby, for God sakes.
They're both the property of the Takura Corporation.
They're not property! They're people.
And they can't be owned by anybody.
Ridiculous. The mother isn't a woman.
She's not a...
She's not a woman? What is she?
- A species of ape. - Species of...
Damn! It's a monkey!
It's a hoax. It's a damnable hoax!
You signed the death certificate, doctor.
This death certificate says that baby is Kreps' son.
I confess to the murder of Kreps' son by Topazia.
It is my understanding, Mr. Temple,
that you have not chosen counsel for your defense.
That's right, Your Honor. I don't need a lawyer.
I killed a baby.
I'm charged with murder and I admit it.
Not quite. The problem remains
that there is no legal definition of man.
And the accused's confession does not answer
the difficult question before us.
Now since a territorial trial does not have a jury,
uh, my task is particularly heavy
and I want to hear arguments on both sides.
Therefore, I'm going to appoint a lawyer for the defense.
- May I, please, Your Lordship? - Mr. Buffington?
I should be happy to represent Mr. Temple.
The hell you will.
- He's Vancruysen's lawyer. - Mr. Temple!
They're trying to make slaves out of the Tropis!
Mr. Temple!
We've just learned that the powerful Vancruysen Enterprises
has rallied to Temple's side.
They're coming out now.
We'll see if we can pick 'em up for you.
Behind them, perhaps you can spot in the white suit,
Mr. Eric Chimbu, the prosecuting attorney,
who is the first Papuan
to become attorney general for the territory.
Meanwhile, the murder trial of Douglas Temple
continues to take its effect around the world.
I move to put the question
of the Tropis on the agenda.
This involves the rights of small nations
against large ones.
The Declaration of Human Rights must include the Tropis.
Now, doctor, based on your observations and experiments
over the last ten months,
state whether in your opinion
the Tropis are animal or human.
I'm sorry, I can't.
The Tropis are an intermediate species.
They resemble both ape and man,
but their classification at this stage
would be most unscientific.
Unscientific, Dr. Greame, or ungrateful?
Ungrateful to the man who sponsored your career,
backed your expedition, followed you into the jungle,
and since his return has directed
his public relations staff to promote you for the Nobel Prize.
The same man who forfeits an empire
if the Tropis are declared human.
- Bravo! Bravo! Well said. - Mr. Temple!
I am trying to establish, My Lord,
the true motives the accused had for committing his crime.
Jealousy, spite, revenge against the woman
who spurned him and the lover she prefers.
- My Lord... - Objection sustained.
Mr. Temple, another such outburst from you
and I shall take a very serious view of it.
- Your witness. - Thank you.
Are we to understand, Dr. Greame,
that your discovery of the Tropis has so upset
conventional ideas about the human race
that no clear-cut boundary any longer exists?
Exactly. No clear division exists.
Then the Tropis are the missing link,
a term, I believe, for an ape.
Your term, and most unscientific.
My reference was to a creature that completes
the chain of human evolution.
- Uh, may I, My Lord? - Please.
The difference between a PhD and an orangutan
is very great and leaves no room for doubt.
But if we look at the gradual difference
between a chimpanzee and a baboon,
between a baboon and Neanderthal man,
between Neanderthal man and the Aborigine,
and finally between the Aborigine
and you, Mr. Buffington,
and I'm skipping half the lot,
we don't know where to draw the line.
So if you lawyers can tell us,
we scientists will be very much in your debt.
That's all. No more questions.
- Very good, Sybil. - Shut up.
Dr. Greame, you are the foremost authority of the Tropis
and your opinion is vital to the case.
I direct you to consult with your colleagues
and return to the court with a definite conclusion...
if humanly possible.
Adjourn for lunch.
Mr. Kauni, we know that human flesh
tastes sweet and pungent. But, uh, how do Tropis taste?
Would you translate, please, Reverend Holzapple?
Tropis good.
Mr. Kauni, a... are you really a cannibal?
Me Methodist.
Be seated.
Do you accept the definition, Mr. Kreps,
that only creatures of the same zoological species
can breed successfully?
Yeah, sure. It's a scientific fact.
Good.
I want you to look at this death certificate
and tell me where the information describing
the parents of the deceased came from.
Me?
- And the accused? - Yes, that's true.
Douglas Temple knew then, didn't he,
that the deceased was the offspring of you and Topazia?
He knew that his victim was your natural-born son.
He knew, also, that the woods were full of male Tropis.
Now you... you can't prove anything by that paper.
Well, I thought we'd get around to that.
Do you now deny under oath that you had relations
with the mother of the deceased?
- Do you? - Object. Get him off the hook.
Shut up. Let him squirm. They like it.
You bastard!
Mr. Kreps, I'm waiting for your answer.
We Krepses, you know,
we are noted for our huge capacity for liquor
with a low tolerance of alcohol.
Also, a complete lack of discrimination.
I was drunk. I don't remember.
And how I doubt I was very effective.
Mr. Kreps, I wish to have this point very clear.
Are you suggesting that the consort of Topazia,
by whom she conceived and begat the victim,
was not yourself but rather a male Tropi?
Yeah, sure, there were lots of male Tropis there
much better-looking and younger than me.
Then why did you state, without qualification,
on the death certificate and again in your deposition
to the police that you were the father?
I wanted to make her a honest woman.
Woman?
A woman?
That's the word I've been waiting to hear!
One hundred eighteen distinct sounds,
each having its own meaning.
We can assume, of course, father,
that you can understand this Tropi language.
Not always.
Which is to say, their talk is sometimes
as inarticulate as, as a human being's.
Thank you, father.
Your witness.
Father Dillingham, would you be kind enough
to give His Lordship an example of the Tropi language?
Uh...
Uh, that means danger, beware.
Uh...
Uh, where is my mate?
- Oh. - Uh...
That means the rains are coming.
- Milord. - Yes.
This testimony is impossible
to take down.
We appreciate your demonstration, father.
Now perhaps you can draw some positive conclusion?
Of course. The Tropis speak.
Thank you, father. You may step down.
Somebody important has just arrived.
I'm trying to get a look at him.
No doubt he's a witness, but whose witness?
Dr. Eaton, how very good of you to come.
Not at all. Not at all.
With Your Lordship's permission.
Would you take the stand, please?
- Your hat. - Oh, my hat.
And will you be so kind? Thank you, thank you.
Do I sign something?
Oh, no. I beg your pardon. Yes.
Yes.
I swear by Almighty God that the evidence
I'm about to give this honorable court
is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
- Be seated. - Thank you very much.
You are the president of the International Congress
of Zoologists this year, are you not?
Yes, yes, I am. You're quite right.
Now, Dr. Eaton, Dr. Greame has said that her discovery
of the Tropis makes it impossible to ascertain
the exact rung on the evolutionary ladder
where the ape ends and man begins.
- Do you agree with that? - Oh, no. Quite the opposite.
Would you address His Lordship?
Who? Oh, yes. I beg your pardon.
I said, uh, quite the opposite, Milord.
Thank you. Might I continue? Eh...
- Dr. What-you-call 'ems... - Dr. Greame.
Yes, Dr. Greame. Thank you, My Lord.
Dr. Greame's study of the fossilized mandible
is, of course, a classic. We all know that.
But had she made a study of feet instead of the jawbone,
she'd know precisely where to place the Tropi.
Can you explain why, Dr. Eaton?
The... The human foot, Milord,
is a more primitive organ than the ape's
and it tells you the whole story.
Consider the ankle, for example.
Narrow and thin, the ape's.
Broad and rather thick, I always think, man's.
And how does that apply to the Tropis?
Well, you see, the Tropis have, uh, thin ankles
and are still, at a point, tree dwellers.
Eh, they can't be in our line of descent.
Oh, no, no, no, no. They're not human.
They're apes. Yes, they're apes.
Your witness.
Thank you.
Dr. Eaton...
where were you born?
Rhodesia, a long time ago.
And were you not, until you took your new post,
chairman of the Department of Anthropology
at Heidelberg University, South Africa?
You know a lot about me, don't you? Yes, I was.
Dr. Eaton, in Keefe's volume on Comparative Anatomy,
he records that better than 700
anatomical characteristics are common to man.
- Is that so? - Seven hundred and fifty-four.
Seven hundred fifty-four.
So if but just one of these traits is lacking,
would you say we're no longer dealing with man?
Oh, I would, yes. And I do, my dear fellow.
Then according to that definition,
would you say that...
the Pygmies are not homo sapiens?
For the sake of convenience,
I suppose we can call them man. Yes.
Dr. Eaton, consider what you're saying. Is it your purpose to...
Our purpose is to show that the Tropis belong
to an animal species, which is what Dr. Eaton said.
It's a hell of a lot more than that. It's a hell of a lot more.
Please, please, please. I quite agree with you.
The, uh, doctor's remarkable discovery makes a clean sweep
of the unscientific notion that lumps together various species
under the single term man.
All that exists, my dear sir, all that exists
is a scale of creatures to be regulated by the state.
And at the top stands the one true man.
- The white man? - What? Yes, of course.
Mind you, in the lower degrees
descending from the Tropis right down to the poor old chimpanzee
at the bottom, what have we got in between?
The Anthropoid, a man-like creatures perhaps,
but quite incorrect to call it human.
What you are really trying to tell the world,
the court and the whole world, which is why you came here,
is that the black man is not human!
Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Vancruysen arrange this visit?
Yes, after I asked him to.
You didn't bring any birdseed with ya, did ya?
Douglas, when I go into the witness box tomorrow,
I'm going to say that the Tropis are human.
Well, that's nice.
We end up on the same side after all, don't we?
Welcome to my tent.
Oh, come on now.
You know there's no such thing as an aphrodisiac.
How? How could you do it?
There were a hell of a lot of Tropis
on their way to the salt mine.
Somebody had to do something.
I'd never have taken you for a bleeding heart.
And I still doubt you know a damn thing about human beings.
How's Topazia?
We had to give her a rag doll to replace her baby.
She nearly died.
Good luck.
Sybil.
I didn't kill him.
He was born dead.
You silly Yankee clown.
I knew it. I knew it. Oh, Doug.
We've got Vancruysen right where we want him.
Now don't you let him and his creeps brainwash ya.
Alright?
Alright.
But tomorrow when you go into the witness box,
say that you thought it was an animal...
That's the official band of the Royal Papuan Constabulary
who are leading these UN Peacekeepers
sent here by the Security Council.
They got all kinds of signs.
"Tropis are God's children."
"Save the Tropis."
"Viva Kreps."
This unique force will leave immediately
for the Takura mountains to protect the Tropis
until the problem is settled.
Dr. Greame, two days ago,
this court instructed you to try and form
a definite opinion about the Tropis.
Have you as yet formed that opinion?
I have.
Then would you tell the court
what are the Tropis?
- Animals. - Sybil!
Thank you, Dr. Greame. The defense rests.
The hell it does. You're fired. He's fired.
How come you couldn't make up your crystal clear
scientific mind two days ago
and now all of a sudden, you got the answer?
In the last two days, I've learned a great deal
about what is human.
Oh.
Put it right over here.
Return to your seats!
Return to your seats and remain quiet
or I shall clear the court!
I presume you have a purpose in this, Mr. Attorney?
My Lord, I had need of a Tropi
in order to prove Dr. Greame wrong.
We must see if counsel for the defense
has any objection to this extraordinary
these extraordinary proceedings?
Oh, it's alright with me. It's alright with the defense.
- Oh, thank you. - That's alright.
That is, providing you swear in Topazia like everybody else.
Is this, perhaps, a group of expert witnesses?
This is Justin Smoot
president of the Black Humanist Movement,
and I've come to speak my piece.
Why don't you let him talk, judge?
You let everybody else around here talk.
- Put him on the stand. - Of course.
You may take the stand, Mr. Smoot.
Dr. Greame, if you please.
The Crown has no objection, My Lord.
Now there's been a lot of horseshit
going on down here in nowheresville.
And some of it's splashin' on us.
It sure as hell has. Nowheresville. Sock it to...
Mr. Temple.
Mr. Smoot, I presume that you came here
prepared to disagree with Dr. Eaton?
You're wrong, man.
I agree with him. That thing is an animal.
Only our learned friend, Dr. Eaton
overlooked one point.
The Tropis are not black. They're white.
She is your Caucasian ancestor, same species, same as you.
And you are just like her, animals!
I mean, look at whitey's hair, straight.
Look at that puke pink color.
A black takes another million years.
And you've got a long ways to go.
What ya got there, honey child?
A little white pickaninny?
- Let's just take a look. - Don't touch that doll!
Get back! Go on, get back, everybody, get back.
Watch out!
I didn't want this.
I'm sorry, believe me. Ho... Honest.
I love animals.
Douglas Archibald Temple,
the essence of this trial's been a vain attempt
to decide what is human.
Inasmuch as we have not succeeded,
this court cannot hold you accountable for a decision
which has not yet been made.
Therefore, I can only find you not guilty.
What about the Tropis?
You're quite right, Mr. Temple.
What about the Tropis?
We have seen angry dispute
between passionate and earnest men,
all of them experts,
and all of them speaking of truth and justice,
and all of them different.
But the only truth made plain here is...
that we cannot define the nature of the Tropis
until we have defined our own.
Until we have decided what we want
the word human to mean.
Human.
This court is now adjourned.