1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:46,500 [cocks gun] 4 00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,166 [firing gun] 5 00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:11,083 [dramatic music] 6 00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:16,458 ♪ More, more, more, more ♪ 7 00:01:16,625 --> 00:01:18,875 ♪ More, more, more ♪ 8 00:01:19,041 --> 00:01:21,916 ♪ More than you ever see ♪ 9 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:28,041 ♪ There's one thing I am sure ♪ 10 00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:32,208 ♪ Money's what I need ♪ 11 00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:38,208 ♪ Got to get some money Got to get some loot ♪ 12 00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:41,041 ♪ Got to get it right away ♪ 13 00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:46,458 ♪ Cause I know what money means to me ♪ 14 00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:52,416 ♪ Got to get some money ♪ ♪ Got to get some loot ♪ 15 00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:55,250 ♪ Got to get it, come what may ♪ 16 00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:06,583 ♪ More, more, I want more ♪ 17 00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,791 ♪ And I can tell you why ♪ 18 00:02:09,958 --> 00:02:13,875 ♪ There is nothing, I am sure ♪ 19 00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:16,833 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 20 00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:27,583 ♪ There is nothing I am sure ♪ 21 00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:30,458 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 22 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:34,333 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 23 00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:38,625 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 24 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,791 [tyres screech] 25 00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,041 [cars honking] 26 00:03:10,208 --> 00:03:12,625 [inaudible] 27 00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:26,375 [muttering] 28 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,000 -You're very kind. -I know, I'm one in a million. 29 00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:54,083 Sit down, McLeavy. Save your strength for the funeral. 30 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,208 There's no hope, then, Father? 31 00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:59,541 There's no hope for her down here and even less so up there. 32 00:04:00,416 --> 00:04:03,041 You didn't manage the conversion, then? 33 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:06,041 A Protestant she's lived and a Protestant she'll die. 34 00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:07,833 A good Catholic boy like you. 35 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,583 How the hell did you ever manage to meet up with her? 36 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:14,666 Well, it was an informal get-together run by a Benedictine monk. 37 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:16,375 She's always been a good mother. 38 00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:19,791 She's never interfered with our son's religious upbringing. 39 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,250 -Excuse me, Father. -Has she gone? 40 00:04:22,916 --> 00:04:25,791 She's sinking fast. She's asking for her son. 41 00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:29,375 -Didn't she ask to see me? -Just her son. 42 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,333 -She was always very close to him. -Well, where is he? 43 00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,708 [McLeavy] Oh, he went for a walk. 44 00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:44,958 The doctor advised fresh air. He was so overcome with grief. 45 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,166 [woman giggling] 46 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,250 Go on, then. Get back on your beat. 47 00:04:53,416 --> 00:04:56,083 I say, do you two always do everything together? 48 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,083 Yeah, we're a double act. 49 00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:00,083 I like to see him enjoy himself. 50 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:01,875 Oh, I got a son at home your age. 51 00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:04,208 Bring him along next time. We'll have a foursome. 52 00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:05,500 -[laughs] -Yeah, nice. 53 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,166 Close the door behind you. 54 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,583 That's the first time I've ever had a copper. 55 00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:16,458 Well, it makes a change. They've had you enough times. 56 00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:17,625 True. 57 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,458 Here you are, baby. 58 00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:27,333 [engine starts] 59 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,500 [soft music] 60 00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:43,875 I'm fed up with this job. 61 00:05:44,041 --> 00:05:47,041 I can't wait to get out of it and away from this poxy climate. 62 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,666 -Won't be long now, baby. -I wonder how your mother is. 63 00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:53,083 -She can't last much longer. -You've been saying that for weeks. 64 00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,125 "If she don't die soon, I'll be a nervous wreck." 65 00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:57,375 What do you want me to do, baby? Help her on her way? 66 00:05:58,916 --> 00:06:01,666 ♪ More, more I want more ♪ 67 00:06:02,458 --> 00:06:05,041 ♪ I don't want no one to thank ♪ 68 00:06:06,416 --> 00:06:09,875 ♪ I know I've got to break that law ♪ 69 00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:13,791 ♪ Cause I'm going to rob a bank ♪ 70 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,833 Anyway, give your mum my regards. 71 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,625 Hang about. I'll get a report. 72 00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:31,208 Morning. Lovely morning. 73 00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,333 [praying in Latin] 74 00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,333 You just missed her. She's gone. 75 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,875 To wherever Protestants go. 76 00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:54,041 [praying continues] 77 00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:09,708 Yes, it is a lovely morning! 78 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,250 [upbeat music] 79 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:32,958 [bell dings] 80 00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:40,541 Well, what's this? 81 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:44,458 -It's a cold collation, sir. -Oh, but it's Monday. 82 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:48,333 There's always steak and kidney pudding on Monday. 83 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,500 Mrs McLeavy died this morning, sir. 84 00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:52,833 Well, staff problems are not my concern. 85 00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:56,125 Unfortunately she was unable to make a pudding before she went. 86 00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,333 I hope this doesn't prove to be a permanent state of affairs. 87 00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:03,750 Well, it is for her, sir. 88 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,708 They're Mrs McLeavy's slippers. 89 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:56,083 Yes. She wouldn't mind my having them. When are they coming to collect her? 90 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:59,750 Oh, this afternoon. I'm having her embalmed. 91 00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,125 Embalmed? 92 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,250 She'd enjoy that. She always used a lot of make-up. 93 00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:06,583 And then the funeral's on Thursday. 94 00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:10,916 You realise, of course, that the death of a patient terminates my contract? 95 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:13,541 -Yes. -When do you wish me to leave? 96 00:09:13,708 --> 00:09:16,458 Oh, stay. For a few hours. 97 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,541 I've grown used to your company. 98 00:09:18,708 --> 00:09:21,041 Impossible. I'm needed at other sick beds. 99 00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:25,000 You've been a widower for several hours now. 100 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,500 Have you… 101 00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:30,708 Have you considered a second marriage yet? 102 00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:32,000 Well, not yet. 103 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,625 You must find someone to take Mrs McLeavy's place. 104 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,375 She wasn't perfect. 105 00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:41,750 Well, a second wife would be a physical impossibility. 106 00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:43,958 Nonsense. My last husband was 60. 107 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,375 He came through with flying colours. 108 00:09:46,541 --> 00:09:52,083 Three days after our wedding he was performing extraordinary feats. 109 00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:59,666 You must marry a girl with youth and vitality. 110 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:03,083 I can visualise her. Medium height, slim, fair hair. 111 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:05,541 A regular visitor to some place of worship 112 00:10:05,708 --> 00:10:08,000 and an ex-member of the League of Mary. 113 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,791 -Somebody like yourself? -Exactly. 114 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:13,666 You must marry again after a decent interval of mourning. 115 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,000 What's a decent interval? 116 00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:20,333 A fortnight's long enough to indicate grief. 117 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,541 We must keep abreast of the times. 118 00:10:30,416 --> 00:10:32,041 [prays silently] 119 00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,583 [laughter] 120 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,791 -Mr McLeavy? -Yes. 121 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,250 A very sad occasion. 122 00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:12,708 -Yes, it is. -Words are totally inadequate. 123 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,500 Yes. 124 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,500 May we come in? 125 00:11:18,916 --> 00:11:21,333 Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, of course. 126 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:27,583 -Hello, Mr McLeavy. -Oh, hello, Dennis. 127 00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,208 A very sad occasion. 128 00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,416 Oh, yes, yes, it is. 129 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:33,750 -Is this your first bereavement? -Yes. 130 00:11:33,916 --> 00:11:36,375 -Yes, it is. -May I recommend this booklet? 131 00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:38,958 We find it helpful to newcomers to these occasions. 132 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:41,291 You will find comfort from various sources. 133 00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:44,125 The New Testament, Old Testament, Talmud and Quran. 134 00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:46,208 Strike out whichever is inapplicable. 135 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:50,041 -My wife was a Protestant. -Takes all sorts to make a world, sir. 136 00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,291 Yesterday we buried a vegetarian. 137 00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:55,250 Oh, well, it's… it's warm. 138 00:11:55,416 --> 00:11:57,458 Perhaps I could give you some refreshments. 139 00:11:57,625 --> 00:12:00,625 A thoughtful and generous offer. All right, boys, drop it down there. 140 00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:01,750 [thud] 141 00:12:01,916 --> 00:12:05,000 Hello, Father O'Shaughnessy. Are you doing this one, Father? 142 00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:07,875 [priest] No, no, no. Unfortunately she wasn't one of ours. 143 00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,583 Poor, miserable woman that she was. 144 00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:16,833 [knocks] 145 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,208 -Oh, that's enough, now. -I've only got five minutes. 146 00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,375 That's four minutes longer than you usually need. 147 00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:41,125 Control yourself. It's not Wednesday night. 148 00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:42,666 But I want you. 149 00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:47,333 -Have you no respect for my uniform? -Oh, that starched apron. 150 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,041 Those black stockings. Marry me. 151 00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:53,583 I've no intention of dressing like this for the rest of my life. 152 00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:56,083 -Oh, but you must marry me. -I'm old-fashioned. 153 00:12:56,250 --> 00:13:00,041 -I only marry for money. -But I'll have money very soon now. 154 00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:04,333 -More than you ever dreamed of. -Well, then, broach the subject again. 155 00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:10,375 -I'm engaged. -[indistinct conversation downstairs] 156 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,125 [laughing] 157 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,250 -You were quick. -Don't you start. 158 00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:16,208 -Everything all right, baby? -Yeah. 159 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:17,875 Come on, let's get on with it. 160 00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,416 Right. 161 00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:29,000 We do the job Tuesday night, the day before the funeral. 162 00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:32,500 Oh, and this time, no cock-ups. I'll lose faith if we get nicked again. 163 00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:34,125 Don't go on, baby. 164 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:37,166 I remember the humiliating circumstances of past failures. 165 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,916 We wouldn't have been nicked if you'd kept your mouth shut. 166 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:42,500 Making us look ridiculous by telling the truth. 167 00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,666 Why can't you lie like a normal man? 168 00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:47,500 I can't, baby. It's against my nature. 169 00:13:47,666 --> 00:13:50,125 Anything else I'm capable of, but not that. 170 00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:53,250 This time, no mistakes. 171 00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:56,291 The bank. 172 00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:57,916 -The undertaker's shop. -Undertaker's shop. 173 00:13:58,083 --> 00:14:00,875 The Chapel of Rest where your old lady will be stretched out. 174 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,625 Now, we break through the wall to the back of the safe. 175 00:14:03,791 --> 00:14:06,000 -[Hal] Take the money out. -Bring it to the chapel. 176 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,333 -[Hal] Take the old lady out. -Put the money in. 177 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:11,125 -[Hal] Put her back on top of it. -And wait for her to be delivered here. 178 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,583 At the hotel, for the wake. 179 00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,750 Nice, very nice. 180 00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:18,500 -[Dennis] And Hal, this plan… -[Hal] Yeah? 181 00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:19,708 [Dennis] Burn it. 182 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,041 Holy Mary, Mother of God, thank you for making me rich. 183 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,583 For what we are about to receive, amen. 184 00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,500 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 185 00:14:42,791 --> 00:14:44,125 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 186 00:14:45,375 --> 00:14:50,041 ♪ Loot ♪ 187 00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:52,750 ♪ If you ain't got no money ♪ 188 00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,875 ♪ Well, you've only got Yourself to thank ♪ 189 00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:58,083 ♪ Why don't you get out ♪ 190 00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:00,583 ♪ And go rob yourself a bank ♪ 191 00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:03,333 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 192 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,083 ♪ Everyone needs it ♪ 193 00:15:07,125 --> 00:15:09,583 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 194 00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,583 ♪ You better believe it ♪ 195 00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:13,041 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 196 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,916 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 197 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:21,583 ♪ Loot ♪ 198 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,333 ♪ When you got the money ♪ 199 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,750 ♪ Well, you know It's going to be all right ♪ 200 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,666 ♪ Then it's going to be fine ♪ 201 00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:32,208 ♪ Every day and every single night ♪ 202 00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,916 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 203 00:15:36,625 --> 00:15:37,875 ♪ Everyone needs it ♪ 204 00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,500 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 205 00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,333 ♪ You better believe it ♪ 206 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,833 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 207 00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:47,500 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 208 00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:50,375 Mm, baby. Mm, mm. 209 00:15:50,541 --> 00:15:53,458 -Mm, baby. -Hey, keep your mind on your work. 210 00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:55,208 Nothing personal, baby. 211 00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:58,000 Anyway, it was you who insisted we work bare-arsed. 212 00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,125 Of course. 213 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,250 Brick dust in the clobber, forensic labs. 214 00:16:02,416 --> 00:16:06,083 It's got to be 15 years. Have a shower when you get home. 215 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:09,541 In your ear holes, between your toes, up your jacksie and blow your nose. 216 00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:11,125 They look everywhere. 217 00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:32,291 She's never looked that well all the time I've known her. 218 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,041 We do a good job. Last for years, she will. 219 00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:41,250 -I see she was a member of the WVA. -Yeah. 220 00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:44,416 That was her dying wish, to be buried in her uniform. 221 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,583 Here, what are you going to do with your share? 222 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:57,166 I'm going to realise a childhood ambition. 223 00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,416 I'm going to open a brothel. 224 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:03,125 It will be a three-star brothel and I'll advertise, "by appointment." 225 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:06,958 Like jam, it will be limited to aristocracy, 226 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,541 members of the government 227 00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:11,375 and high-ranking dignitaries of the Church. 228 00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:14,375 I'll have a spade bird. I don't believe in the colour bar. 229 00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:15,500 And a Finnish bird. 230 00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:18,500 And I'll make 'em kip together to bring out the contrast. 231 00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,375 A dark bird who's dyed her hair blonde 232 00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,458 and a blonde bird who's dyed her hair dark. 233 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,833 I'll have a midget and a tall bird with big Bristols. 234 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,958 I'll have a Chinese bird, a Dutch bird, a French bird, 235 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:30,291 a Zulu bird, 236 00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:35,083 and, for seekers after the unusual, an Eskimo bird. 237 00:17:36,416 --> 00:17:37,791 Old-age pensioners, half price 238 00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:40,625 and a complete change of linen Tuesdays and Thursdays. 239 00:17:40,791 --> 00:17:43,125 I'll run it like the Co-op and give them divi numbers. 240 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:44,875 You can have life membership 241 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,791 and come anytime you want free of charge. 242 00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:49,791 You'll kill yourself. 243 00:17:49,958 --> 00:17:53,625 Oh, no, I won't indulge. I'll just be the Madam. 244 00:17:53,791 --> 00:17:56,208 -Why? -I'm on the wagon. 245 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,916 Trying to get up a sufficient head of steam to marry. 246 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:00,833 Marry? 247 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,083 -Have you anyone in mind? -Your mum's nurse. 248 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,208 My mum's nurse? She's older than you. 249 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:11,083 An experienced woman is the finest thing that can happen to a lad. 250 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,041 My dad swears by 'em. 251 00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:16,166 She's three-parts papal nuncio. She'll only do it at set times. 252 00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:19,000 No, she does it at any old time. 253 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:22,208 Typical member of the medical profession she is. 254 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:23,583 Have you had her? 255 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,541 Knocked it off? 256 00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:35,250 -Really! -Under that picture of the sacred heart. 257 00:18:35,416 --> 00:18:37,000 In her room? 258 00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:40,250 Every Wednesday night while you was training at the gymnasium. 259 00:18:40,416 --> 00:18:42,791 Oh, that's nice! Thank you. 260 00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:46,958 I'd like to get married. Well, it's the only thing I haven't tried. 261 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,208 I don't like to see you living for kicks, baby. 262 00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:57,958 But whatever turns you on is okay by me. 263 00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:03,375 -I knew you'd understand. -Yeah! 264 00:19:03,958 --> 00:19:05,625 [whistling] 265 00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,083 [whispers] What was that? 266 00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:25,166 -He's here. -We're done for. 267 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,625 -Oh, what a balls-up. -Batten down the hatches. 268 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:37,541 -Mind her face. -Well, it's no good. 269 00:19:38,666 --> 00:19:42,250 She won't go in. We'll have to get rid of some of it. 270 00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:44,541 We can't do that. That's an indecent suggestion. 271 00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:47,208 -Well, what are we going to do, then? -Move. 272 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,833 What, get rid of her? 273 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,041 -Where? -In the khazi. 274 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,125 Your lovely old mum. 275 00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:55,083 She gave you birth, washed your nappies. 276 00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:57,041 -Thank you. -There's no name for this. 277 00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:58,791 [Hal] We're creating a precedent. 278 00:19:58,958 --> 00:20:00,375 [Dennis] Get the clothes. 279 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,125 Come on! 280 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,583 Upsy-daisy. 281 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,125 I'm due at work in ten minutes. I mustn't be late. 282 00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,541 [Hal] What about the old lady? We can't leave her here. 283 00:20:18,708 --> 00:20:21,875 Get your dad's van and collect her. Then throw all her stuff away. 284 00:20:22,041 --> 00:20:23,541 And have a bloody wash! 285 00:20:23,708 --> 00:20:25,708 [upbeat music] 286 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,166 Good morning! 287 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:55,500 ♪ We got the money away ♪ 288 00:20:55,666 --> 00:20:58,791 ♪ From the people Who said that it was bad ♪ 289 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,000 ♪ And now they haven't got What they said they didn't want ♪ 290 00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:03,125 ♪ And I can see they're getting mad ♪ 291 00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:05,750 ♪ What are they talking about ♪ 292 00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:08,208 ♪ It's all their fault ♪ 293 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,583 ♪ We're just walking about ♪ 294 00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:12,666 ♪ With the money they didn't want ♪ 295 00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:19,958 -It's Inspector, um… -Truscott. Truscott of the Yard. 296 00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,666 -Meadows? -Yes, sir. 297 00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:23,791 -Meadows, search the premises, will you? -Yes, sir. 298 00:21:23,958 --> 00:21:26,416 Barnes, Thompson, get on with your fingerprints. 299 00:21:27,208 --> 00:21:29,083 Williams, pop down the road and get me a cup of tea 300 00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:30,750 and a fried-egg sandwich, will you? 301 00:21:30,916 --> 00:21:33,583 -Yes, sir. -Got straight out of bed. 302 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,000 Um… 303 00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,708 Oh, very well, but do hurry up. We've got work to do. 304 00:21:37,875 --> 00:21:38,875 Yes, sir. 305 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,625 A hundred and four thousand pounds missing. 306 00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:57,375 And I only joined the branch last week. 307 00:21:57,541 --> 00:22:00,416 Did you, sir? That's very suspicious. 308 00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:02,041 -What are you implying? -Nothing. 309 00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:06,250 Merely an observation that may or may not have a bearing on the case. 310 00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:09,583 The point is, can you get the money back? 311 00:22:09,750 --> 00:22:13,625 Extremely unlikely. Hardly ever do. Probably out of the country by now. 312 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,958 Ah, Williams. 313 00:22:16,666 --> 00:22:18,208 Thank you very much. 314 00:22:20,333 --> 00:22:23,958 -So what do you intend to do, then? -Oh, make an arrest. 315 00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:26,208 You know the guilty parties? 316 00:22:26,375 --> 00:22:29,625 I wouldn't go as far as to say that, but we shall get somebody for it. 317 00:22:29,791 --> 00:22:32,500 Police don't like to fail, you know. You leave it to us. 318 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,958 Good gracious me. What's all this? 319 00:22:37,125 --> 00:22:39,333 These men work with me, Inspector. 320 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:41,916 Would it be in order if they removed the deceased? 321 00:22:42,083 --> 00:22:43,416 The deceased? 322 00:22:44,666 --> 00:22:47,250 Good gracious me. Do you mean there's… 323 00:22:47,416 --> 00:22:48,583 somebody in there? 324 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:50,541 It's the late Mrs McLeavy, sir. 325 00:22:51,416 --> 00:22:52,583 Oh. 326 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,125 Right, well… Carry on, lads. Carry on. 327 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:58,041 Fothergill, Williams, give them a hand. 328 00:23:06,666 --> 00:23:09,583 [mournful organ music] 329 00:23:15,333 --> 00:23:17,583 [upbeat music] 330 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,375 [engine running] 331 00:24:12,125 --> 00:24:14,833 [upbeat music] 332 00:24:45,708 --> 00:24:47,791 [sobbing] 333 00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,416 [mouths] 334 00:24:55,583 --> 00:24:58,416 -Let us pray. "In the midst of life…" -Morning. Lovely morning. 335 00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:00,875 "In the midst of life we are in death." 336 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,916 "Of whom may we seek for succour but of Thee 337 00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:05,250 who, for our sins, are justly displeased." 338 00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:09,083 "Lord have mercy upon us. Christ have mercy upon us." 339 00:25:09,250 --> 00:25:11,750 -"Our Father…" -"Our Father, which art in Heaven…" 340 00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:15,833 We must get the money out of there and your mother in. 341 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,000 Get all the household up to bed. "Forgive us our trespasses…" 342 00:25:19,166 --> 00:25:22,375 Give me a ring when you're ready and I'll come over right away. 343 00:25:23,041 --> 00:25:25,833 "For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory…" 344 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,541 -All right? -Amen. 345 00:25:29,083 --> 00:25:31,125 [man on TV] With all that sunshine forecast for tomorrow 346 00:25:31,291 --> 00:25:35,625 I'm sure we can all look forward to a most enjoyable day. 347 00:25:35,791 --> 00:25:37,333 Good night. 348 00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:40,875 ["God save the Queen" plays] 349 00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:42,500 That's the lot. 350 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:46,583 -Good night. -Oh, er, good night, sir. 351 00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:49,166 Would you be wanting anything else before you turn in, sir? 352 00:25:49,333 --> 00:25:50,500 No, I want an 8:30 call, 353 00:25:50,666 --> 00:25:53,208 one lightly boiled egg, tea, toast and marmalade. 354 00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:56,083 Yes, certainly, sir. It's a pleasure to serve you, sir. 355 00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,500 You'd better get to bed as well. Funeral tomorrow. 356 00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:01,500 I don't like her left on her own. I was going to say a prayer for her. 357 00:26:01,666 --> 00:26:04,583 -"Our Father…" -I'll sit up with her. You get some sleep. 358 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:07,208 -Not as young as you were. -Good boy, good boy. 359 00:26:07,375 --> 00:26:10,250 [McLeavy] I've always had faith in you. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done. 360 00:26:10,416 --> 00:26:12,583 -Thy kingdom come, Dad. -As it is in Heaven. 361 00:26:12,750 --> 00:26:16,500 Her spirit must be gazing down with tears in its eyes. 362 00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:20,875 [McLeavy] Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses. 363 00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:23,375 -You can say that again. -[McLeavy] Good night, son. 364 00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,833 -[phone rings] -[bang] 365 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,208 [grunting and groaning] 366 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,875 -[phone continues ringing] -Excuse me, Inspector. 367 00:26:33,750 --> 00:26:35,750 The telephone. 368 00:26:35,916 --> 00:26:38,208 [groaning continues] 369 00:26:46,791 --> 00:26:49,875 Hello, sweetheart. My mother says I can't come out tonight. 370 00:26:51,625 --> 00:26:52,791 Ow… 371 00:26:55,833 --> 00:26:56,833 [groaning] 372 00:26:58,875 --> 00:26:59,875 Hello? 373 00:27:01,958 --> 00:27:04,500 Hello? Truscott here. 374 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,833 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 375 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,583 Your accomplice hung up. 376 00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:13,083 -Didn't want to speak to me, lad. -I haven't got no accomplice. 377 00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:16,083 Don't give me that crap or I shall have to have you thumped again. 378 00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:19,541 -Where's the money? -Wait till my mum and dad get home! 379 00:27:19,708 --> 00:27:22,708 Oh, yes. Gone to the films, you said. 380 00:27:23,833 --> 00:27:27,916 Mm, nice parents, I must say, watching all that sex and violence. 381 00:27:28,333 --> 00:27:30,291 Probably a case for running them in as well. 382 00:27:30,958 --> 00:27:32,375 Let's start again, shall we? 383 00:27:33,291 --> 00:27:34,708 [Dennis screams in pain] 384 00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:36,041 Denny, baby. 385 00:27:37,458 --> 00:27:39,333 [upbeat music] 386 00:27:47,958 --> 00:27:49,250 [doorbell rings] 387 00:27:59,125 --> 00:28:00,750 Er, good evening. 388 00:28:02,791 --> 00:28:04,125 [straining] 389 00:28:04,291 --> 00:28:06,583 -Mr McLeavy. -Yes? 390 00:28:06,750 --> 00:28:09,750 These ladies and I represent the Women's Volunteer Auxiliary 391 00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:11,833 from various parts of Southern England. 392 00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:13,666 [Hal grunts] 393 00:28:16,666 --> 00:28:18,000 We've come to ask your permission 394 00:28:18,166 --> 00:28:20,166 to form a guard of honour at the graveside tomorrow. 395 00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:26,166 Well, it's a proud man I am 396 00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:29,666 to know she was such a loved and respected figure. 397 00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,208 [WVA leader] Your late wife was well known to us all. 398 00:28:32,375 --> 00:28:34,708 We were shocked to hear of her sad passing. 399 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,083 -Thank you. -Thank you. 400 00:28:41,250 --> 00:28:43,000 -Good night. -Drive carefully. 401 00:28:43,166 --> 00:28:44,291 Oh! 402 00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:46,041 Oh, yes, thank you. 403 00:28:46,208 --> 00:28:47,958 -Good night. -Thank you. 404 00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:54,916 ♪ To put you in the picture ♪ 405 00:28:55,625 --> 00:28:57,291 ♪ Here is where we stand ♪ 406 00:28:57,958 --> 00:28:59,833 ♪ Money's in the coffin ♪ 407 00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:02,083 ♪ Mother's in the van ♪ 408 00:29:02,625 --> 00:29:04,333 ♪ Here's the only hotel guest ♪ 409 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:06,500 ♪ Complaining all the time ♪ 410 00:29:07,291 --> 00:29:09,375 ♪ And there's the grieving husband ♪ 411 00:29:09,541 --> 00:29:11,208 ♪ Unaware of crime ♪ 412 00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:15,416 ♪ Then there is the nurse Who's trying Mother's dresses on ♪ 413 00:29:16,333 --> 00:29:18,458 ♪ She plans to marry Father ♪ 414 00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:20,583 ♪ Now that Mother's gone ♪ 415 00:29:20,958 --> 00:29:23,583 ♪ Here you see a worried man ♪ 416 00:29:23,750 --> 00:29:25,583 ♪ His name is Hal ♪ 417 00:29:25,750 --> 00:29:29,583 ♪ Pacing up and down his room ♪ ♪ And waiting for his pal ♪ 418 00:29:29,750 --> 00:29:33,250 ♪ And we don't need reminding What happened to him ♪ 419 00:29:33,416 --> 00:29:35,166 ♪ What happened to him ♪ 420 00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:36,583 ♪ What happened to him ♪ 421 00:29:36,750 --> 00:29:39,875 ♪ What happened to him What happened to him… ♪ 422 00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:57,333 Ow! 423 00:30:21,125 --> 00:30:22,958 You're late. I've been waiting for you. 424 00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:24,375 -Have you? -It's Wednesday. 425 00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:26,208 Weds… 426 00:30:26,375 --> 00:30:27,583 Oh, Christ. 427 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:30,291 I thought you weren't coming. Come to bed this instant. 428 00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:32,083 [groans] 429 00:30:37,208 --> 00:30:38,375 [Fay] Oh… 430 00:30:40,750 --> 00:30:42,791 [Fay moans in pleasure] 431 00:30:46,208 --> 00:30:48,541 [Fay] Tell me… Tell me… 432 00:30:48,708 --> 00:30:51,166 Tell me that you love me. 433 00:30:51,333 --> 00:30:52,458 [Dennis] What? 434 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,625 [Fay] Tell me that you love me. 435 00:30:56,083 --> 00:30:57,083 [smooching] 436 00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:59,250 [Dennis] I love you. 437 00:30:59,416 --> 00:31:01,791 [Fay] Your responses lack their usual ardour. 438 00:31:02,625 --> 00:31:06,250 [Dennis] Mm… Ow! Oh, look, I can't, not now. 439 00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:08,041 -[Fay] Can't? -[Dennis] No, I can't. 440 00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:09,916 Can't? 441 00:31:10,416 --> 00:31:12,791 You've been gratifying your sexual lust elsewhere. 442 00:31:12,958 --> 00:31:16,000 Look at you. You're in a state of complete exhaustion. 443 00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:18,416 Ow. 444 00:31:18,583 --> 00:31:21,291 -I've been running, that's all. -Don't lie to me. 445 00:31:21,458 --> 00:31:23,458 I'm not lying, I swear it. 446 00:31:23,625 --> 00:31:26,583 I'm not interested in other women. I want you. I wanna marry ya. 447 00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:28,166 I've already told you, 448 00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:30,916 you belong to the wrong faith and income bracket. Get out. 449 00:31:31,083 --> 00:31:34,291 But I'm rich. I got money now. I shall be going abroad. 450 00:31:34,458 --> 00:31:36,166 Money? From where? 451 00:31:36,333 --> 00:31:38,083 My life insurance has matured. 452 00:31:38,250 --> 00:31:40,958 At 23 and a half? The sum involved must be trivial. 453 00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:43,208 Unless the premiums are exceptionally large. 454 00:31:43,375 --> 00:31:46,750 Look, I'm worth thousands more money than you ever dreamed of. 455 00:31:46,916 --> 00:31:50,166 Very well. I shall give your new offer sympathetic consideration. 456 00:31:53,583 --> 00:31:54,875 [rattles locked door] 457 00:32:02,916 --> 00:32:04,291 You won't regret it. 458 00:32:05,833 --> 00:32:07,625 [unlocks door] 459 00:32:12,541 --> 00:32:15,125 What's happened, baby? I've been scared out of me mind. 460 00:32:15,291 --> 00:32:18,041 -We're in trouble. -I know. Truscott on the phone. 461 00:32:18,208 --> 00:32:21,666 Turned the whole bleeding house over. Bastard saw me at the shop. 462 00:32:23,041 --> 00:32:25,708 -Then he twisted me cobblers. -Not your cobblers! 463 00:32:25,875 --> 00:32:27,875 Yeah. God, he did make me feel bad. 464 00:32:28,041 --> 00:32:30,500 If I have to wear a dress, I shall sue. 465 00:32:32,208 --> 00:32:34,458 -Well, why did you let him in? -I didn't. 466 00:32:34,625 --> 00:32:37,375 He said he was from the Water Board. "You're the law," I said. 467 00:32:37,541 --> 00:32:38,916 -What did he say? -Nothing. 468 00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:42,375 He just pushed in and kept on about looking for the stopcocks. 469 00:32:42,541 --> 00:32:45,625 I asked him if he had a warrant. He said the board didn't issue warrants. 470 00:32:45,791 --> 00:32:48,416 -Did he mention me? -He asked who my accomplice was. 471 00:32:48,583 --> 00:32:49,750 -Oh, no. -That's all right. 472 00:32:49,916 --> 00:32:52,125 I swore blind I never knew what he was on about. 473 00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:53,500 Then he left. 474 00:32:53,666 --> 00:32:55,916 It's only a matter of time before they're round here. 475 00:32:56,083 --> 00:32:56,958 Oh, God. 476 00:32:57,125 --> 00:33:00,125 Well, might be on their way now. He knows we knock about together. 477 00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:02,500 -Where's the loot? -Still in the coffin. 478 00:33:02,666 --> 00:33:04,250 -Mum's in the garage. -Right. 479 00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:07,416 We'd better bung her back in the coffin and get the money out the house. 480 00:33:07,583 --> 00:33:08,666 Come on. 481 00:33:08,833 --> 00:33:10,916 [upbeat music] 482 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:27,500 [rapid footsteps] 483 00:33:33,125 --> 00:33:35,291 [buzzer] 484 00:33:35,750 --> 00:33:38,125 Er, Mc… McLeavy's hotel. 485 00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:39,250 Room service. 486 00:33:40,833 --> 00:33:41,791 What? 487 00:33:41,958 --> 00:33:44,625 Listen, you'll have to speak up. I can't hear you. 488 00:33:44,791 --> 00:33:46,083 There are burglars in the hotel. 489 00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:48,041 We'll all be murdered in our beds. 490 00:33:48,208 --> 00:33:50,083 Now, don't panic, sir. 491 00:33:50,250 --> 00:33:52,000 I'll investigate immediately. 492 00:33:53,208 --> 00:33:54,125 Burglars? 493 00:33:57,791 --> 00:33:59,166 [unscrewing lid] 494 00:34:11,708 --> 00:34:13,666 -What is it? -Shh, shh. 495 00:34:14,791 --> 00:34:16,583 [McLeavy] Such devotion. 496 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,208 He's never left her side. 497 00:34:20,375 --> 00:34:23,250 Oh, come. You mustn't give way. 498 00:34:23,416 --> 00:34:26,000 You must compose yourself for the funeral. 499 00:34:37,375 --> 00:34:40,708 Oh… that, er, nightdress is attractive. 500 00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:44,166 -It suits you, black. -It's another piece of your wife's finery. 501 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,791 Some people would censure me for wearing it. 502 00:34:46,958 --> 00:34:49,333 Well, she has no further use for it. 503 00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,166 You feeling calmer now? 504 00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:52,291 Er… 505 00:34:52,458 --> 00:34:53,666 Yes, thank you. 506 00:34:55,125 --> 00:34:57,416 I keep thinking of Harold. 507 00:34:57,583 --> 00:34:59,958 I never realised how much he loved his mother. 508 00:35:03,208 --> 00:35:06,375 My only fear is that the poor boy now lacks the benefit 509 00:35:06,541 --> 00:35:08,166 of a mother's guiding hand. 510 00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:10,750 Not for long perhaps. I shall speak to him for you. 511 00:35:10,916 --> 00:35:12,125 Oh, you're very good to me. 512 00:35:12,291 --> 00:35:14,708 As long as you appreciate my desire to help you. 513 00:35:14,875 --> 00:35:17,791 My own life has been an unhappy one. I want yours to be better. 514 00:35:17,958 --> 00:35:20,875 -You've had an unhappy life? -Oh, yes, very. 515 00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:24,000 All my husbands died, leaving me nothing but memories. 516 00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:27,875 -All of them? -I've had seven altogether. 517 00:35:28,041 --> 00:35:29,916 Nearly one a year since I was 16. 518 00:35:31,541 --> 00:35:34,708 Well, the Lord acts in mysterious ways. 519 00:35:35,541 --> 00:35:37,500 Yes, but things are looking up. 520 00:35:37,666 --> 00:35:39,083 Oh? How's that? 521 00:35:39,250 --> 00:35:41,791 Your wife changed her will shortly before she died, 522 00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:44,166 leaving all her money to me. 523 00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:49,875 What? Oh, it's God's punishment on me for marrying a Protestant. 524 00:35:50,041 --> 00:35:53,958 -Well, how much did she leave you? -Nineteen thousand pounds. 525 00:35:54,125 --> 00:35:56,250 Nineteen thousand pounds? 526 00:35:58,250 --> 00:36:00,416 [mysterious music] 527 00:36:19,625 --> 00:36:20,916 There you are. 528 00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,333 Good as new. 529 00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:27,250 Here, her eyes are brown. 530 00:36:27,416 --> 00:36:30,000 Mum's eyes were blue. That's a bit strange, innit? 531 00:36:30,166 --> 00:36:32,166 Oh, well, I expect they ran out of blues. 532 00:36:32,333 --> 00:36:33,791 Aren't they her own eyes, then? 533 00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:37,666 Such an innocent, aren't you, baby? Not familiar with the ways of the world. 534 00:36:37,833 --> 00:36:40,083 We sold her own for a transplant. 535 00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,875 Well, waste not, want not, Hal. 536 00:36:43,541 --> 00:36:45,333 I'll go and get the van. 537 00:36:48,416 --> 00:36:51,541 That surprises me, that does. Not her own eyes! 538 00:37:06,916 --> 00:37:09,625 Surround the premises. I'll surround the house. 539 00:37:09,791 --> 00:37:11,958 Surround the premises. He'll surround the house himself. 540 00:37:26,125 --> 00:37:28,000 -Harold? -Yes? 541 00:37:28,583 --> 00:37:30,041 Why did you open the coffin? 542 00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:32,500 Well… 543 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:37,500 You wanted to make sure the bank robbers hadn't damaged it? 544 00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:39,083 Bank robbers? 545 00:37:39,250 --> 00:37:42,625 Oh, it was on television and in the newspapers, all that money. 546 00:37:42,791 --> 00:37:45,333 Your mother's body was witness to a very famous crime. 547 00:37:48,208 --> 00:37:50,916 [Fay] Oh, she looks a treat in her uniform. 548 00:37:51,083 --> 00:37:54,333 It was one of those big gangs from London, I expect. 549 00:37:54,875 --> 00:37:56,583 What do you know about it? 550 00:37:56,750 --> 00:37:59,583 It was a small gang, see. One or two men. 551 00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:01,333 And between them… 552 00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:04,333 more money than you ever dreamed of. 553 00:38:05,208 --> 00:38:06,458 More money than-- 554 00:38:07,583 --> 00:38:09,083 Do you know the men concerned? 555 00:38:09,958 --> 00:38:11,958 Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. 556 00:38:12,125 --> 00:38:14,791 Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. 557 00:38:14,958 --> 00:38:17,291 Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us… 558 00:38:17,458 --> 00:38:20,000 [mysterious music] 559 00:38:23,791 --> 00:38:26,000 Truscott here. Are you all in position at the back? Over. 560 00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:28,083 [man] Right, sir. Over and out. 561 00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:30,250 Right, I'm going in. Over and out. 562 00:38:30,416 --> 00:38:32,083 He's going in. Over and out. 563 00:38:35,166 --> 00:38:37,041 [mysterious music] 564 00:38:48,083 --> 00:38:49,958 [woman] Emergency. Which service? 565 00:38:50,125 --> 00:38:52,041 -[whispering] Police. -[man] Police. 566 00:38:52,208 --> 00:38:53,833 This is Hotel McLeavy. 567 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,791 There are burglars in the hotel. Send constables immediately. 568 00:38:56,958 --> 00:38:58,375 [man] Right away, sir. 569 00:39:09,125 --> 00:39:11,666 ♪ Now you got the money ♪ 570 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,416 ♪ Where you going to hide it Where you going to put it ♪ 571 00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:19,708 ♪ So they won't find it ♪ 572 00:39:33,208 --> 00:39:35,541 ♪ You ain't got What you think you've got ♪ 573 00:39:35,708 --> 00:39:38,666 ♪ Till you've banked the bloody lot ♪ 574 00:39:42,666 --> 00:39:45,375 [McLeavy] Glory be to God. What's going on down there? 575 00:39:48,750 --> 00:39:50,125 [clanking] 576 00:40:07,750 --> 00:40:08,875 [doorbell rings] 577 00:40:09,500 --> 00:40:11,208 [groaning] 578 00:40:12,125 --> 00:40:14,416 Thank God, the police! Arrest that man. 579 00:40:15,875 --> 00:40:19,000 I think you've made a mistake, sir. I'm from the Water Board. 580 00:40:19,541 --> 00:40:22,958 I'm on a fact-finding tour of the area and I want to inspect your mains supply. 581 00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:25,125 Oh, don't move. Don't move. 582 00:40:25,291 --> 00:40:26,541 Oh. Don't move. 583 00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:29,375 Hello, hello, hello. What's all this, then? 584 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,541 What have I stumbled upon here? Some midnight sex and drug orgy? 585 00:40:33,708 --> 00:40:35,583 I've been struck down from behind 586 00:40:35,750 --> 00:40:36,791 by an unknown assailant. 587 00:40:36,958 --> 00:40:38,500 I thought you were a burglar. 588 00:40:38,666 --> 00:40:41,916 [McLeavy] Protecting my property at the risk of injury. God bless you, sir. 589 00:40:42,083 --> 00:40:43,458 [Bateman] I am going to bed. 590 00:40:43,625 --> 00:40:46,625 [McLeavy] A boiled egg, tea, toast and marmalade at 8:30. 591 00:40:46,791 --> 00:40:48,583 -I won't forget. -This is a mad house. 592 00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:50,625 I shall write to the AA in the morning. 593 00:40:58,250 --> 00:41:00,125 Might I suggest that we call a doctor? 594 00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:03,541 Oh, that won't be necessary. Fortuitously I am a trained nurse. 595 00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,791 -And who might you be? -I might be a lot of people. 596 00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:07,916 At the moment, I'm with the Water Board. 597 00:41:10,750 --> 00:41:14,291 Perchance I might perhaps inspect your water mains. 598 00:41:14,458 --> 00:41:18,625 -At one o'clock in the morning? -Water is no respecter of time, miss. 599 00:41:18,791 --> 00:41:21,000 I really must insist that Mr McLeavy be removed 600 00:41:21,166 --> 00:41:22,625 to the comfort of his own bed. 601 00:41:22,791 --> 00:41:24,625 Yes, of course. Permit us to assist you. 602 00:41:24,791 --> 00:41:26,208 Come along, come along. 603 00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:31,125 The Water Board? Is my hotel in danger of flooding? 604 00:41:31,291 --> 00:41:33,875 Is tragedy about to strike me again? 605 00:41:34,041 --> 00:41:37,041 Not if we find what we're… looking for. 606 00:41:41,416 --> 00:41:43,125 Yes, very nicely done, miss. 607 00:41:45,666 --> 00:41:48,208 Now, sir, if you'll excuse me, I'll be about my duty. 608 00:41:48,375 --> 00:41:51,583 -I shall search the house first. -[Fay] What for? 609 00:41:51,750 --> 00:41:54,958 I told you, miss. I wish to inspect your mains supply. 610 00:41:55,125 --> 00:41:56,666 Er, it's outside. 611 00:41:57,333 --> 00:41:58,416 Is it? 612 00:41:59,416 --> 00:42:02,291 Well, now, I wonder how it came to be put out there. 613 00:42:02,458 --> 00:42:04,000 Most, er… 614 00:42:04,625 --> 00:42:06,166 ingenious. 615 00:42:06,333 --> 00:42:08,750 Perhaps there's an extension inside the house. 616 00:42:08,916 --> 00:42:10,250 No, it's in the garden. 617 00:42:10,416 --> 00:42:12,250 -Where exactly? -I don't know. 618 00:42:12,416 --> 00:42:14,333 Well, I suggest you find out, sir. 619 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,500 Any council property must be available on demand. 620 00:42:17,666 --> 00:42:19,833 The law's quite clear on that point. 621 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,166 I wouldn't like to place myself outside the law. 622 00:42:22,333 --> 00:42:25,250 Er, I believe it's near the gnomes' rookery. 623 00:42:25,416 --> 00:42:27,083 Perhaps Nurse McMahon would show you. 624 00:42:27,250 --> 00:42:29,000 Ooh, well… 625 00:42:29,166 --> 00:42:31,666 I'll just go slip into something suitable. 626 00:42:32,625 --> 00:42:34,583 Well, thank you, sir. 627 00:42:35,625 --> 00:42:39,333 Well, lad, now let's see what's inside your cupboard. 628 00:42:42,541 --> 00:42:44,291 Oh! Ow! 629 00:42:45,416 --> 00:42:48,666 Are you familiar with a lad called… Dennis? 630 00:42:49,583 --> 00:42:51,750 I used to be, but now we're just good friends. 631 00:42:51,916 --> 00:42:55,083 Good. He's not your type, you know. He's got five pregnancies to his credit. 632 00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:59,041 -Well, anyone can make a mistake. -He's got a habit of making mistakes. 633 00:42:59,208 --> 00:43:02,625 Where does he commit these… acts of indecency? 634 00:43:03,708 --> 00:43:05,916 In the back of the hearse. 635 00:43:07,416 --> 00:43:08,416 I see. 636 00:43:09,708 --> 00:43:12,791 No car of his own. 637 00:43:13,750 --> 00:43:16,166 Where's the money from the bank job? Is it buried in the garden? 638 00:43:16,333 --> 00:43:18,125 -Your mate said you buried it. -Buried? He's a bloody… 639 00:43:20,916 --> 00:43:23,541 [laughing] 640 00:43:23,708 --> 00:43:26,250 You can't catch me like that. 641 00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:36,916 Clever lad, clever lad. Sharp mind. 642 00:43:37,500 --> 00:43:39,250 Frightening. 643 00:43:39,416 --> 00:43:42,416 We have vacancies for lads of your calibre in the force. 644 00:43:42,583 --> 00:43:45,500 Why don't you cooperate with me? I'll put in a good word for you. 645 00:43:45,666 --> 00:43:48,583 That could only go against me with an honest judge. Look… 646 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,666 I refuse to answer any more questions from the police 647 00:43:51,833 --> 00:43:53,291 without my solicitor present. 648 00:43:53,458 --> 00:43:55,375 I am not a policeman. 649 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,291 I know you. You're the law. 650 00:43:58,458 --> 00:44:00,125 You beat my mate up at his house. 651 00:44:00,291 --> 00:44:02,208 And you twisted his cobblers. 652 00:44:02,375 --> 00:44:05,125 I hope you're prepared to substantiate these accusations. 653 00:44:05,291 --> 00:44:08,583 -What evidence have you? -His… bruises. 654 00:44:08,750 --> 00:44:11,291 Are you aware of the official version of those? 655 00:44:11,458 --> 00:44:13,958 -Resisting arrest, yes. -Precisely. 656 00:44:14,125 --> 00:44:17,708 Watch it, lad, making false accusations against members of the Water Board. 657 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:21,000 -You know… -Yes. 658 00:44:21,166 --> 00:44:22,708 [yelps in pain] 659 00:44:22,875 --> 00:44:27,208 If I hear you accuse us again of using violence against a suspect 660 00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:28,541 I'll take you to the station 661 00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:30,833 and kick your eyes through the back of your head. 662 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,166 [Fay clears her throat] 663 00:44:32,333 --> 00:44:33,291 Oh! Ah! 664 00:44:33,458 --> 00:44:34,458 [Truscott laughs] 665 00:44:34,625 --> 00:44:37,583 The young gentleman overbalanced, miss. 666 00:44:37,750 --> 00:44:39,875 Well, now… Are we ready? 667 00:45:03,416 --> 00:45:04,833 [both sigh] 668 00:45:05,708 --> 00:45:07,791 That bastard's closing in on us. 669 00:45:07,958 --> 00:45:09,875 Ah, don't worry, baby. 670 00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:12,791 Without the loot, he's knackered. He can't prove a thing. 671 00:45:17,375 --> 00:45:20,083 -Are those your men? -They are. 672 00:45:20,250 --> 00:45:21,500 What are they doing? 673 00:45:21,666 --> 00:45:23,833 Looking for freshly turned earth. 674 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,416 Of what possible interest is freshly turned earth to the Water Board? 675 00:45:27,583 --> 00:45:29,791 We're investigating sabotage to our pipelines. 676 00:45:29,958 --> 00:45:32,375 Welsh nationalists have been reported in the area. 677 00:45:33,041 --> 00:45:35,416 It's bleeding crawling with law. 678 00:45:35,583 --> 00:45:37,458 Harold! Harold! 679 00:45:37,625 --> 00:45:41,250 Go back to bed, Dad. You're interrupting my Novena. 680 00:45:41,416 --> 00:45:43,833 -Hail Mary, full of grace… -Harold, are you there? 681 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,333 What's going on? Will you open the door? 682 00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:48,250 Blessed art thou amongst women. 683 00:45:48,416 --> 00:45:49,583 Harold! 684 00:45:50,625 --> 00:45:53,166 Sorry, Dad. I was halfway through some Hail Marys. 685 00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:54,958 Oh, you're a good boy. I'll join you. 686 00:45:55,125 --> 00:45:56,958 Look, Dad, we'll take it in turns, eh? 687 00:45:57,125 --> 00:45:59,250 Two hours on, two hours off. You come back at four o'clock. 688 00:45:59,416 --> 00:46:01,125 I can't sleep with the pains in my head. 689 00:46:01,291 --> 00:46:04,833 We'll just kneel down and have a few quick ejaculations. 690 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,291 -Jesus, Mary and Joseph… -Assist me in my agony. 691 00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:10,958 -Jesus, Mary and Joseph… -In their glory for ever and ever, amen. 692 00:46:11,125 --> 00:46:13,416 Jesus, Mary and Joseph, may I breathe forth my soul. 693 00:46:13,583 --> 00:46:15,458 -Peace with you. Amen. -[Hal] Amen. 694 00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:17,750 [McLeavy] She looks well, doesn't she? 695 00:46:18,958 --> 00:46:20,750 Ah, the gnomes. 696 00:46:22,291 --> 00:46:23,625 Seven husbands in a decade. 697 00:46:23,791 --> 00:46:26,083 There's something wrong with your approach to marriage. 698 00:46:26,250 --> 00:46:28,541 I find it frightening that, undeterred by past experience, 699 00:46:28,708 --> 00:46:30,291 you contemplate an eighth engagement. 700 00:46:30,458 --> 00:46:31,458 How do you know? 701 00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:34,083 You wear another woman's clothes as though born to them. 702 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:36,750 You amaze me. This nightdress did belong to Mrs McLeavy. 703 00:46:36,916 --> 00:46:39,166 An elementary deduction. The hand stitching on your nightie 704 00:46:39,333 --> 00:46:40,916 is of the type worn by elderly women. 705 00:46:41,083 --> 00:46:43,083 -You should be a detective. -I'm often mistaken for one. Tell me. 706 00:46:43,250 --> 00:46:46,458 -When do you propose to marry Mr McLeavy? -At once. Why do you ask? 707 00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:49,500 Anything done in conjunction with yourself results in death. 708 00:46:49,666 --> 00:46:51,375 How dare you speak to me like that? 709 00:46:51,541 --> 00:46:52,541 Who are you? 710 00:46:53,875 --> 00:46:57,583 Merely a council employee who's allowed his imagination to… wander. 711 00:46:58,958 --> 00:47:00,458 Please forgive me if I've upset you. 712 00:47:00,625 --> 00:47:03,916 I wonder if you'd be kind enough to sign this chit. 713 00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:05,541 -It's blank. -Oh, it's perfectly in order. 714 00:47:05,708 --> 00:47:08,000 I'd prefer you to help me blindly without questions. 715 00:47:08,166 --> 00:47:11,333 But I can't sign my name to a blank sheet. Somebody might forge my name on a cheque. 716 00:47:11,500 --> 00:47:13,916 -Sign my name, then. -I don't know your name. 717 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,583 Good gracious, what a very suspicious nature you have. 718 00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:21,041 Sign yourself… Queen Victoria. No one will tamper with her account. 719 00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:22,250 Come along. 720 00:47:26,208 --> 00:47:29,125 Thank you. I think that's all I require for the moment. 721 00:47:30,791 --> 00:47:32,166 "Queen Victoria." 722 00:47:32,333 --> 00:47:34,208 Very gracious. 723 00:47:34,375 --> 00:47:35,916 Thank you. Thank you. 724 00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:44,333 Ah, have you found what you were after? 725 00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:45,583 No, sir, I haven't, 726 00:47:45,750 --> 00:47:50,166 but it's my belief that your water mains are connected with piping in the house. 727 00:47:50,333 --> 00:47:54,250 And unless I'm very much mistakenly, the object of my search is… 728 00:48:02,958 --> 00:48:04,000 …in that cupboard. 729 00:48:04,166 --> 00:48:06,291 -[Truscott] Open it up. -It isn't locked. 730 00:48:18,083 --> 00:48:19,125 [clatter] 731 00:48:27,333 --> 00:48:30,791 Yes, well, that puts an entirely different complexion on the matter. 732 00:48:33,583 --> 00:48:37,208 Well, there's still a lot of routine work to be done. 733 00:48:37,375 --> 00:48:38,291 Good morning, sir. 734 00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:41,125 My condolences on your recent bereavement. 735 00:48:41,291 --> 00:48:44,041 Death can be very tragic for those that are left. 736 00:48:45,250 --> 00:48:46,916 Thank you, sir. Good night, sir. 737 00:48:51,125 --> 00:48:53,083 I hope he finds what he was looking for. 738 00:48:53,666 --> 00:48:55,833 I like to be of assistance to authority. 739 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,416 He didn't show any credentials. 740 00:48:57,583 --> 00:49:00,791 I think we can rely on public servants to behave themselves. 741 00:49:00,958 --> 00:49:05,375 As a good citizen, I ignore the stories which bring officialdom into disrepute. 742 00:49:06,916 --> 00:49:07,916 Oh… 743 00:49:08,083 --> 00:49:10,250 Oh, she cannot be brought back to life. 744 00:49:10,416 --> 00:49:13,166 Your duty now is to the living and to those who love you. 745 00:49:13,708 --> 00:49:14,750 Apart from my son 746 00:49:14,916 --> 00:49:18,166 and a mentally deranged sister in a Dublin convent, I have no one. 747 00:49:18,333 --> 00:49:21,583 All the more reason why my offer of marriage is a generous one. 748 00:49:22,375 --> 00:49:23,750 Now, you must go to bed. 749 00:49:23,916 --> 00:49:26,916 The Vicar will not take kindly to you nodding off at the graveside. 750 00:49:28,875 --> 00:49:30,833 The coffin must be closed. 751 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:35,291 The sight of his past wife distracts him from the anticipation of his future one. 752 00:49:35,458 --> 00:49:37,958 -You're not going to marry him! -I'm considering it. 753 00:49:38,125 --> 00:49:40,833 But you can't. You know the way Dennis feels about you. 754 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,916 Oh, I cannot marry boys. 755 00:49:43,083 --> 00:49:45,875 With your father we'll start a second family under my guidance. 756 00:49:46,041 --> 00:49:49,875 A fully productive life is not possible with a man my father's age. 757 00:49:50,041 --> 00:49:51,916 We shall prove you wrong. 758 00:49:53,208 --> 00:49:56,041 My dad couldn't propagate a row of tomatoes. 759 00:49:56,208 --> 00:49:57,458 My mind is made up. 760 00:49:57,625 --> 00:50:00,000 I've no intention of marrying your friend. 761 00:50:00,166 --> 00:50:01,541 I am a woman. 762 00:50:01,708 --> 00:50:05,666 Only half the human race can say that without fear of contradiction. 763 00:50:08,583 --> 00:50:09,583 Baby? 764 00:50:10,750 --> 00:50:11,791 Baby! 765 00:50:17,208 --> 00:50:18,708 She's turned me down. 766 00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:21,291 She's broken my heart. 767 00:50:21,458 --> 00:50:23,958 Oh, she don't know what she's missing, baby. 768 00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,000 She does. That's what's so humiliating. 769 00:50:26,166 --> 00:50:28,416 Oh, forget about it. Look, we don't need her. 770 00:50:28,583 --> 00:50:30,916 But I love her. I love her! 771 00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:32,833 Don't you believe in love? 772 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,250 No, we're too old. 773 00:50:35,416 --> 00:50:38,791 Put those nasty, negative ideas out of your mind. 774 00:50:38,958 --> 00:50:39,875 Baby! 775 00:50:40,041 --> 00:50:42,833 You can buy all the love you want when we get out of here. 776 00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:45,625 Good, all clear. 777 00:50:45,791 --> 00:50:46,958 Now, go and get the van. 778 00:50:52,791 --> 00:50:56,250 Now, there's nobody out there, so will you go and get the van? 779 00:50:56,416 --> 00:50:58,541 [Dennis mutters] 780 00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:00,416 Go and get the bleeding van! 781 00:51:02,791 --> 00:51:04,500 [tyres screech] 782 00:51:19,791 --> 00:51:22,250 [frantic music] 783 00:51:45,875 --> 00:51:47,083 [panting] 784 00:51:47,916 --> 00:51:49,125 Hal? 785 00:51:49,750 --> 00:51:51,500 We're trapped. 786 00:51:55,666 --> 00:51:57,125 [bird singing] 787 00:52:16,958 --> 00:52:19,583 -Are they still there? -They must be. 788 00:52:19,750 --> 00:52:21,666 They've camouflaged themselves, the cunning bastards. 789 00:52:21,833 --> 00:52:22,916 Can't wait any longer. 790 00:52:23,083 --> 00:52:26,916 We've got to get this money out of here. They'll be in the bleeding house next. 791 00:52:38,208 --> 00:52:39,916 -Ooh! -What? 792 00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:49,125 Oh, yeah! Old lady down here, money back in the coffin. 793 00:52:49,291 --> 00:52:52,166 Ain't it in use? Can't have her chuntering up and down all day. 794 00:52:52,333 --> 00:52:53,916 [Hal] No, we ain't used it in years. 795 00:53:00,291 --> 00:53:01,458 One, two, three… 796 00:53:20,625 --> 00:53:21,750 Hal, 797 00:53:22,375 --> 00:53:24,375 sorry about this, baby, but… 798 00:53:24,541 --> 00:53:27,000 we're going to have to get rid of your mum. 799 00:53:27,166 --> 00:53:28,583 Yeah, I suppose so. 800 00:53:29,083 --> 00:53:32,250 -Shove her off the pier? -No. What about the marshes? 801 00:53:32,416 --> 00:53:34,458 That's it, weigh her down with a rock, 802 00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:36,458 then go to the churchyard, dig up the loot. 803 00:53:36,625 --> 00:53:38,625 We'll have to get rid of that uniform. 804 00:53:42,500 --> 00:53:43,958 Take her clothes off? 805 00:53:44,125 --> 00:53:47,791 To avoid identification should the remains be discovered. 806 00:53:52,666 --> 00:53:54,416 Bury her naked. 807 00:53:54,583 --> 00:53:56,125 Me own mum! 808 00:53:59,041 --> 00:54:00,875 It's a Freudian nightmare. 809 00:54:01,875 --> 00:54:05,500 Here, I'm sure that would be committing some kind of unforgiveable sin. 810 00:54:05,666 --> 00:54:08,208 -Only if you're a Catholic. -Well, I am a Catholic. 811 00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:11,666 Nah, I can't undress her. She's a relative. I could go to hell. 812 00:54:11,833 --> 00:54:13,791 I'll undress her. I don't believe in hell. 813 00:54:13,958 --> 00:54:16,291 Oh, yeah! That's typical of your upbringing, that is. 814 00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,666 -You what? -You had every benefit lavished on you. 815 00:54:18,833 --> 00:54:22,333 Atheism, breastfeeding, circumcision. 816 00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:25,291 I had to make my own way in life. 817 00:54:28,333 --> 00:54:30,750 [Dennis] Thank Christ he's not having her cremated. 818 00:54:31,666 --> 00:54:34,875 [mournful chanting] 819 00:55:03,208 --> 00:55:04,458 The Ten Commandments. 820 00:55:04,625 --> 00:55:06,791 She was a great believer in some of them. 821 00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:15,708 Come along now, Dennis. Get moving. This isn't the only job we have today. 822 00:55:15,875 --> 00:55:18,291 I can't. Mr McLeavy's car is blocking my way. 823 00:55:18,458 --> 00:55:20,708 Then unblock it, Dennis. Unblock it. 824 00:55:23,583 --> 00:55:27,291 Now, ask me to marry you. I've no intention of refusing. 825 00:55:27,458 --> 00:55:29,083 -Now? -And do it on your knees. 826 00:55:29,250 --> 00:55:32,291 I'm a great believer in traditional positions. 827 00:55:32,958 --> 00:55:34,416 -Ready for the off? -One moment. 828 00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:37,083 Your father's about to propose. You can stay if you like. 829 00:55:37,250 --> 00:55:39,208 Would anyone mind if we got started? 830 00:55:39,375 --> 00:55:41,833 We'll have the Vicar effing and blinding if we're late. 831 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,250 This is so undignified. 832 00:55:43,416 --> 00:55:45,875 I'm giving no exhibition in front of my son. 833 00:55:46,041 --> 00:55:48,625 I'll propose on the way to the cemetery. How's that? 834 00:55:48,791 --> 00:55:50,500 Please don't marry him. Please! 835 00:55:50,666 --> 00:55:53,791 -He's richer than Dad is. -Has he his bank statement with him? 836 00:55:53,958 --> 00:55:55,875 It's not in the bank. He's taken it out. Oh! 837 00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,250 Will you stop this talk? 838 00:55:58,791 --> 00:56:00,791 Mrs McLeavy is keeping her maker waiting. 839 00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:03,500 You know how she hated to miss an appointment. 840 00:56:04,291 --> 00:56:06,833 Well, the funeral's off as far as I'm concerned. 841 00:56:08,416 --> 00:56:11,291 Back to your driving, baby. 842 00:56:11,458 --> 00:56:14,416 -Dennis, where did you get your money? -Me auntie left it me. 843 00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,375 Is that true, Harold? 844 00:56:18,125 --> 00:56:19,125 No. 845 00:56:19,291 --> 00:56:21,375 You make our life together impossible. 846 00:56:21,541 --> 00:56:24,750 -Lie, can't you? -I can't, baby. You know that. I can't. 847 00:56:24,916 --> 00:56:28,791 May we leave now? We'll all be ready for our graves if we wait much longer. 848 00:56:33,416 --> 00:56:34,791 Try and control yourself. 849 00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:38,166 If I find you've been telling the truth all afternoon, we're through. 850 00:56:42,541 --> 00:56:43,541 Oh, no. 851 00:56:43,708 --> 00:56:48,125 Do you mind backing up a little? You're rather impeding our getaway. 852 00:56:48,291 --> 00:56:51,250 If you'd like to latch onto us at the gate. 853 00:56:52,291 --> 00:56:53,791 Crafty bastard. 854 00:56:53,958 --> 00:56:55,416 He's going to the funeral. 855 00:56:55,958 --> 00:56:58,958 Good. I'll bury the money, you bury your mum. 856 00:57:03,208 --> 00:57:05,416 -I'm sorry, Dad. I can't go. -Why not? 857 00:57:05,583 --> 00:57:08,500 -[Hal] It would upset me. -That's what a funeral is meant to do. 858 00:57:15,250 --> 00:57:18,041 -I, too, have decided not to attend. -Why? What's wrong? 859 00:57:18,208 --> 00:57:21,416 Your late wife did not embrace our religion and on reflection, 860 00:57:21,583 --> 00:57:24,541 my presence at her funeral might be interpreted as a form of approval. 861 00:57:24,708 --> 00:57:26,708 I'll show my respects from afar. 862 00:57:29,541 --> 00:57:31,041 The number of people staying away 863 00:57:31,208 --> 00:57:33,541 from the poor woman's funeral is heart-breaking. 864 00:57:33,708 --> 00:57:36,041 And I hired the deluxe model because they're roomier. 865 00:57:36,208 --> 00:57:38,500 I could have saved myself the expense. Ow! 866 00:57:39,375 --> 00:57:41,958 ♪ Every mother ♪ 867 00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:44,833 ♪ Wants to ♪ 868 00:57:45,500 --> 00:57:49,291 ♪ Help her son any way that she can ♪ 869 00:57:49,458 --> 00:57:54,541 ♪ And she's helping Hal ♪ 870 00:57:54,708 --> 00:57:59,833 ♪ By supplying the getaway van ♪ 871 00:58:06,166 --> 00:58:07,541 [whistling] 872 00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:31,500 Yeah? 873 00:58:31,666 --> 00:58:35,666 Is the money your friend has come into the proceeds from the bank robbery. 874 00:58:36,958 --> 00:58:39,958 -Come on, answer. -Don't ask me. I promised Dennis. 875 00:58:40,666 --> 00:58:43,666 I knew it! And you've hidden it in there, haven't you? 876 00:58:43,833 --> 00:58:45,625 -No. -You're lying. 877 00:58:45,791 --> 00:58:47,875 -I'm not. -What is in there, then? 878 00:58:49,125 --> 00:58:50,916 What is in there? 879 00:58:51,083 --> 00:58:52,416 A corpse. 880 00:58:53,166 --> 00:58:54,083 So, 881 00:58:54,916 --> 00:58:57,708 you've added murder to your list of achievements. 882 00:59:07,625 --> 00:59:09,666 This is unforgivable. 883 00:59:09,833 --> 00:59:12,166 I shall speak to your father. 884 00:59:14,541 --> 00:59:16,833 She is standing on her head. 885 00:59:17,541 --> 00:59:20,166 [Hal] Look, I've got to bury her. Are you going to help me? 886 00:59:20,333 --> 00:59:23,500 -Help you? -And I'll help you marry my dad. 887 00:59:24,458 --> 00:59:27,625 I need no help from you to get a man into bed. 888 00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:35,291 I want the body stripped. 889 00:59:35,458 --> 00:59:38,000 It isn't a thing someone of the opposite sex should do. 890 00:59:38,166 --> 00:59:39,750 Oh, you intend a country burial? 891 00:59:39,916 --> 00:59:40,875 Yeah. 892 00:59:41,041 --> 00:59:43,666 Suppose a dog were to discover her while hunting for foxes? 893 00:59:43,833 --> 00:59:46,250 Do not underestimate the average foxhound. 894 00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:49,750 A perfectly preserved body of a woman? No sign of foul play? 895 00:59:49,916 --> 00:59:51,125 We'll burn the uniform. 896 00:59:51,291 --> 00:59:53,083 You can have her underwear. Her teeth can go in the river. 897 00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:54,500 What about payment? 898 00:59:57,666 --> 00:59:59,958 -Twenty percent of the loot. -Thirty-three and a third. 899 01:00:00,125 --> 01:00:02,000 Twenty-five percent and you keep her engagement ring. 900 01:00:02,166 --> 01:00:03,375 -Is it valuable? -Very. 901 01:00:03,541 --> 01:00:05,041 I shall add it to my collection. 902 01:00:05,208 --> 01:00:07,875 I already have seven by right of conquest. 903 01:00:08,041 --> 01:00:10,458 Thirty-three and a third and the engagement ring. 904 01:00:10,625 --> 01:00:12,750 -You drive a hard bargain. -I never bargain. 905 01:00:12,916 --> 01:00:13,916 -Done. -Done. 906 01:00:20,041 --> 01:00:21,750 -Do you need any help? -No, I can manage. 907 01:00:21,916 --> 01:00:25,958 In my job I'm frequently called upon to lift enormous men off bed pans. 908 01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:35,416 ♪ Whatever more could Mother ♪ 909 01:00:35,583 --> 01:00:40,666 ♪ Request in her last will and testament ♪ 910 01:00:40,833 --> 01:00:44,333 ♪ Than to be sure ♪ 911 01:00:44,750 --> 01:00:47,416 ♪ Hal had ♪ 912 01:00:47,583 --> 01:00:51,666 ♪ Money wherever he went ♪ 913 01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:56,291 ♪ Yes, to be sure ♪ 914 01:00:56,458 --> 01:00:59,250 ♪ Hal had ♪ 915 01:00:59,416 --> 01:01:03,875 ♪ Money wherever he went ♪ 916 01:01:13,541 --> 01:01:15,041 [inaudible] 917 01:01:33,500 --> 01:01:35,375 [tyres screech] 918 01:02:19,041 --> 01:02:21,375 [horns blaring] 919 01:02:23,875 --> 01:02:27,125 -[breaks screech] -[crash] 920 01:02:28,791 --> 01:02:30,291 [series of explosions] 921 01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:49,500 Is there no gallant soul who'll save her from the flames? 922 01:02:49,916 --> 01:02:52,125 [McLeavy] She had a mortal fear of being cremated. 923 01:02:52,291 --> 01:02:56,083 Call the fire brigade. That's a very expensive coffin. 924 01:02:57,708 --> 01:02:59,750 Brave lad, brave lad. 925 01:02:59,916 --> 01:03:02,333 I'll give you five pounds if you save the coffin. 926 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:18,333 You're a good boy. God bless you, son. 927 01:03:28,166 --> 01:03:30,125 [glass ball bouncing on floor] 928 01:03:32,541 --> 01:03:33,750 What was that? 929 01:03:35,750 --> 01:03:37,166 I can't see anything. 930 01:03:38,541 --> 01:03:41,291 -Was it one of her rings? -No, they're on her finger. 931 01:03:46,458 --> 01:03:49,291 [Fay] Lovely feet your mother had, for a woman of her age. 932 01:03:55,500 --> 01:03:56,750 [Fay] Oh, no. 933 01:04:27,625 --> 01:04:29,333 [chuckles, then clears throat] 934 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:31,541 I'm, er, back again, miss. 935 01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:38,250 -What is going on in this house? -[Hal] Nothing. 936 01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:40,958 Oh, you admit it? You must be very sure of yourself. 937 01:04:41,791 --> 01:04:43,791 Why aren't you both at the funeral? 938 01:04:43,958 --> 01:04:45,083 Why aren't you? 939 01:04:46,291 --> 01:04:48,875 I left the procession on a sudden whim 940 01:04:49,041 --> 01:04:51,625 that I might achieve more here than there. 941 01:04:53,458 --> 01:04:55,666 I merely wanted to look around the place. 942 01:05:01,500 --> 01:05:03,000 Have you got a search warrant? 943 01:05:03,166 --> 01:05:04,875 -What for? -To search the hotel. 944 01:05:05,041 --> 01:05:08,041 It's not necessary. I've already searched the hotel. 945 01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,583 I'm merely looking round as… 946 01:05:11,208 --> 01:05:12,583 a prospective buyer. 947 01:05:13,416 --> 01:05:15,083 I thought you were with the Water Board. 948 01:05:15,250 --> 01:05:16,875 The Water Board, madam… 949 01:05:17,916 --> 01:05:19,833 is no place for a man with ambition. 950 01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:23,375 I may well decide to become an hotelier. 951 01:05:25,250 --> 01:05:27,083 Well, this hotel is not for sale. 952 01:05:29,541 --> 01:05:32,916 -You haven't heard my offer yet. -What is your offer? 953 01:05:33,083 --> 01:05:36,625 I can't possibly answer that question till I search the place, can I? 954 01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:52,791 One of your guests is sitting in the writing room 955 01:05:53,541 --> 01:05:54,583 in the nude. 956 01:05:55,750 --> 01:05:58,541 Oh, er, it must be… 957 01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:00,875 -Lady Normanhurst again. -Lady? 958 01:06:01,041 --> 01:06:03,291 An aristocrat, much respected by the lower classes 959 01:06:03,458 --> 01:06:05,625 for their eccentric behaviour. 960 01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:07,625 You must go and remonstrate with Her Ladyship, Harold. 961 01:06:07,791 --> 01:06:10,625 Tell her if she wishes to worship the sun to do so in the garden. 962 01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:12,208 An excellent suggestion, miss. 963 01:06:12,375 --> 01:06:16,125 -I take it the bedrooms are this way. -You'll find them very nicely appointed. 964 01:06:17,875 --> 01:06:20,416 [upbeat music] 965 01:06:26,541 --> 01:06:27,625 [inaudible] 966 01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:33,250 [glass ball bouncing] 967 01:06:33,416 --> 01:06:35,041 Christ, her eyes! 968 01:06:38,750 --> 01:06:39,791 [muttering] 969 01:06:58,916 --> 01:07:00,041 [whistling] 970 01:07:03,625 --> 01:07:06,416 Yes, there's more in this than meets the eye. 971 01:07:06,583 --> 01:07:08,541 Your suspicious behaviour tempts me to believe 972 01:07:08,708 --> 01:07:11,166 that you had a hand in the bank job. 973 01:07:11,333 --> 01:07:12,416 The what? 974 01:07:13,250 --> 01:07:15,541 I may be required to make an arrest. 975 01:07:15,708 --> 01:07:18,333 The Water Board can't arrest people. 976 01:07:18,500 --> 01:07:21,833 -They can in certain circumstances. -What circumstances? 977 01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:24,833 I'm not prepared to reveal the inner workings of the Water Board 978 01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,500 to a member of the general public. 979 01:07:27,666 --> 01:07:28,583 Where's the money? 980 01:07:30,125 --> 01:07:31,125 It's being buried. 981 01:07:32,166 --> 01:07:33,291 Who's burying it? 982 01:07:33,458 --> 01:07:34,708 Reverend Pilkington. 983 01:07:38,291 --> 01:07:39,500 Come here, lad. 984 01:07:40,208 --> 01:07:41,083 Come here! 985 01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:47,791 Now, understand this, lad. 986 01:07:47,958 --> 01:07:50,458 I'm going to ask questions and I want sensible answers. 987 01:07:50,625 --> 01:07:52,583 None of your mickey-taking. Is that understood? 988 01:07:52,750 --> 01:07:56,083 Do I make myself clear? I'm talking English. Understand? 989 01:07:56,250 --> 01:07:57,375 Yeah. 990 01:07:58,250 --> 01:08:01,333 Right. As long as we all know. 991 01:08:02,416 --> 01:08:03,583 Where's the money? 992 01:08:05,125 --> 01:08:09,250 By now it should be hallway up the aisle of the chapel at Durdans Park cemetery. 993 01:08:09,416 --> 01:08:12,666 -Ow! -How dare you? He's only a boy. 994 01:08:12,833 --> 01:08:14,750 I'm not impressed by his sex, miss. 995 01:08:15,750 --> 01:08:17,583 I'm asking for the truth. 996 01:08:17,750 --> 01:08:19,125 I'm telling the truth. 997 01:08:19,291 --> 01:08:20,750 I always tell the bloody truth. 998 01:08:20,916 --> 01:08:22,583 [Truscott] Now understand this, lad. 999 01:08:23,375 --> 01:08:25,583 I'm not having any mickey-taking. 1000 01:08:25,750 --> 01:08:28,166 Kids nowadays seem to treat authority as a kind of challenge, 1001 01:08:28,333 --> 01:08:32,916 but I warn you, if you oppose me in my duty 1002 01:08:33,083 --> 01:08:36,208 I'll kick those teeth of yours clean through the back of your neck. 1003 01:08:36,375 --> 01:08:37,458 Is that clear? 1004 01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,125 [doorbell rings] 1005 01:08:39,291 --> 01:08:40,416 Will you excuse me? 1006 01:08:43,208 --> 01:08:46,541 Well, of course, my dear. You're at liberty to answer your doorbell. 1007 01:08:46,708 --> 01:08:48,750 That's how we know whether or not we live in a free country. 1008 01:09:01,458 --> 01:09:03,458 -[boxing bell rings] -Where's the money? 1009 01:09:03,625 --> 01:09:04,791 In the chapel. 1010 01:09:05,416 --> 01:09:06,625 [crowd cheering and shouting] 1011 01:09:16,208 --> 01:09:17,375 [boxing bell rings] 1012 01:09:17,541 --> 01:09:18,875 There's been an accident. 1013 01:09:19,250 --> 01:09:20,625 -An accident? -Mm. 1014 01:09:21,708 --> 01:09:24,750 Oh, dear. Poor man. 1015 01:09:27,583 --> 01:09:31,625 Excuse me, lad. We'll finish the cross-examination later. 1016 01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,750 Should we perhaps have a look, my dear? 1017 01:09:39,625 --> 01:09:41,041 Very nicely done, miss. 1018 01:09:42,458 --> 01:09:44,666 Have you reported the accident, sir? 1019 01:09:45,958 --> 01:09:47,083 [inaudible] 1020 01:09:47,250 --> 01:09:49,291 It's the shock. He can't talk. 1021 01:09:49,458 --> 01:09:52,833 -Does it happen often? -Always in times of great stress. 1022 01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:56,000 Well, if he makes a habit of it, perhaps he ought to learn sign language. 1023 01:09:56,166 --> 01:09:57,583 Can you… 1024 01:09:57,750 --> 01:10:00,000 Can you understand me, sir? 1025 01:10:00,708 --> 01:10:03,125 I shall have to make a full report! 1026 01:10:05,166 --> 01:10:08,000 May I have your statement, please, sir? 1027 01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:11,208 [inaudible] 1028 01:10:15,083 --> 01:10:16,125 We… 1029 01:10:17,541 --> 01:10:20,750 [faintly] We set off in high spirits. 1030 01:10:22,458 --> 01:10:24,791 The weather was dull, 1031 01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,375 a grey mist coming in from the sea. 1032 01:10:27,541 --> 01:10:28,583 Uh-huh. 1033 01:10:29,791 --> 01:10:32,333 The road to the cemetery is downhill. 1034 01:10:33,333 --> 01:10:35,916 It was a sad occasion for me. 1035 01:10:37,666 --> 01:10:39,125 Along the route, 1036 01:10:39,291 --> 01:10:44,000 perfect strangers had the courtesy to raise their hats. 1037 01:10:45,208 --> 01:10:49,083 We got admiring glances for the flowers 1038 01:10:49,833 --> 01:10:52,583 and sympathetic glances for me. 1039 01:10:52,750 --> 01:10:53,916 [Truscott] Hmm. 1040 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:58,875 The dignity of the occasion was unsurpassed. 1041 01:11:01,833 --> 01:11:03,041 -Denny. -What? Oh. 1042 01:11:03,208 --> 01:11:04,250 [Hal] Here. 1043 01:11:04,750 --> 01:11:06,500 -Was the coffin damaged? -It's… 1044 01:11:06,666 --> 01:11:08,666 It's all right. Your mother's quite safe. 1045 01:11:08,833 --> 01:11:10,666 All right, lads. Into the bar for a drink. 1046 01:11:10,833 --> 01:11:12,916 [man 1] I think we bloody well deserve it. 1047 01:11:13,083 --> 01:11:15,250 [man 2] I'll have a triple after this lot. 1048 01:11:19,750 --> 01:11:21,125 Oh, baby. 1049 01:11:21,291 --> 01:11:24,583 Dennis. We're going to have to get the old lady back in the coffin. 1050 01:11:25,125 --> 01:11:27,625 -Why? -The old man may want a last look at her 1051 01:11:28,291 --> 01:11:29,625 to see if she's still in good shape. 1052 01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:33,958 -How much have you told her? -Everything, baby. 1053 01:11:34,125 --> 01:11:35,708 I had to. She asked me. 1054 01:11:35,875 --> 01:11:38,541 We've never involved a woman in anything unsavoury before. 1055 01:11:38,708 --> 01:11:42,083 Don't worry. My expertise may come in useful in this matter. 1056 01:11:44,791 --> 01:11:47,958 Half of this is mine. Now will you marry me? 1057 01:11:48,125 --> 01:11:51,875 We're splitting it up one, two, three ways now, baby. 1058 01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:54,416 Out of 104,000 pounds, you'll have… 1059 01:11:54,583 --> 01:11:58,666 -34,667 pounds, 13 and fourpence, -Is that enough? 1060 01:11:58,833 --> 01:12:01,541 You have a slight lead over Mr McLeavy at the moment. 1061 01:12:03,208 --> 01:12:05,125 I'm engaged again. 1062 01:12:05,291 --> 01:12:07,875 You're too easily aroused, that's your trouble. 1063 01:12:08,041 --> 01:12:09,375 [door opens] 1064 01:12:09,916 --> 01:12:12,750 -Good afternoon, Inspector. -Good afternoon, sir. 1065 01:12:12,916 --> 01:12:17,083 -Sir, we meet again. -Yes, well, as I was saying, Harold. 1066 01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:20,500 I'm afraid the wreaths have been burnt to buggery. 1067 01:12:20,666 --> 01:12:23,458 But I think we might just manage a repair job 1068 01:12:23,625 --> 01:12:24,500 on the Friends of Bingo. 1069 01:12:24,666 --> 01:12:28,500 -What shall we do for the replay? -Buy some fresh ones, I suppose. 1070 01:12:28,666 --> 01:12:30,583 Always some new expense. 1071 01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:33,250 Wasn't Mrs McLeavy insured? 1072 01:12:33,416 --> 01:12:35,791 Well, only while she was alive. 1073 01:12:35,958 --> 01:12:39,541 We thought it an unnecessary extravagance to do so after her death. 1074 01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:40,666 Not necessarily. 1075 01:12:40,833 --> 01:12:43,625 Owing to the amazing advances made by modern medical science 1076 01:12:43,791 --> 01:12:45,916 I've taken the precaution of insuring myself 1077 01:12:46,083 --> 01:12:48,083 for five years after my death. 1078 01:12:52,166 --> 01:12:53,583 Why bother with flowers? 1079 01:12:53,750 --> 01:12:55,666 We'll get the same effect with a holy image. 1080 01:12:56,208 --> 01:12:58,291 My photo of His Holiness would enhance it. 1081 01:12:58,458 --> 01:12:59,500 Perfect. 1082 01:12:59,666 --> 01:13:01,666 Unfortunately it's three Popes out of date. 1083 01:13:01,833 --> 01:13:02,791 Mum won't mind. 1084 01:13:02,958 --> 01:13:05,583 She wasn't a woman who followed the fashions. 1085 01:13:05,750 --> 01:13:07,166 Well, go and get it. 1086 01:13:09,916 --> 01:13:11,166 Go and get it. 1087 01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,875 I must ask you to remain here. No one leaves without my permission. 1088 01:13:17,041 --> 01:13:18,166 Why? 1089 01:13:19,125 --> 01:13:21,083 I'll ask the questions, if you don't mind. 1090 01:13:21,250 --> 01:13:23,166 Surely she can go and fetch the Pope's photo. 1091 01:13:23,333 --> 01:13:25,708 Only if some responsible person accompanies her. 1092 01:13:26,208 --> 01:13:28,125 You're a responsible person. You accompany her. 1093 01:13:28,541 --> 01:13:31,083 What proof have you that I'm a responsible person? 1094 01:13:31,791 --> 01:13:35,625 If you weren't, you wouldn't be given the power to behave as you do. 1095 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,750 That… is perfectly correct. 1096 01:13:44,375 --> 01:13:47,625 In which case I shall accompany you, miss. 1097 01:13:48,916 --> 01:13:50,083 Come with me. 1098 01:13:56,375 --> 01:14:00,291 Here, look at the law turning your bleeding garden over. 1099 01:14:00,833 --> 01:14:02,750 At least it keeps them off the streets. 1100 01:14:04,208 --> 01:14:05,750 Go on back to work. 1101 01:14:07,666 --> 01:14:09,750 Right, let's get your mum. Where is she? 1102 01:14:09,916 --> 01:14:10,958 Out there. 1103 01:14:11,541 --> 01:14:12,750 Out there? 1104 01:14:13,333 --> 01:14:14,583 -[thwack] -[Hal] Ow! 1105 01:14:14,750 --> 01:14:17,291 -[Hal] Baby! -[Dennis] Don't "baby" me. Come on. 1106 01:14:17,916 --> 01:14:22,375 A very good likeness, miss, and of your late husbands too, if I may say so. 1107 01:14:22,541 --> 01:14:24,583 Very nice, very nice. 1108 01:14:24,750 --> 01:14:27,500 Now you must remain confined to your quarters until further notice. 1109 01:14:27,666 --> 01:14:29,000 The Water Board has no power 1110 01:14:29,166 --> 01:14:31,291 to keep members of the public confined to their rooms. 1111 01:14:31,458 --> 01:14:32,875 Not if they're law-abiding. 1112 01:14:33,875 --> 01:14:36,916 -I shall take legal advice. -That's your privilege, miss. 1113 01:14:37,083 --> 01:14:40,166 -I have no power to prevent you. -I'm going to telephone my solicitor. 1114 01:14:40,333 --> 01:14:42,541 I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that, miss. 1115 01:14:42,708 --> 01:14:45,083 That would be contrary to regulations. 1116 01:14:46,041 --> 01:14:47,833 We have no case against you. 1117 01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:50,791 Now, I must kindly ask you to remain where you are… 1118 01:14:51,666 --> 01:14:53,041 until further notice. 1119 01:14:55,583 --> 01:14:58,708 -Lift it up. -[Meadows] Left, right, left, right. 1120 01:14:58,875 --> 01:15:00,625 Pick 'em up. Left, left. 1121 01:15:00,791 --> 01:15:02,958 Left, right. Out of the way there. 1122 01:15:03,125 --> 01:15:04,250 [humming] 1123 01:15:11,791 --> 01:15:13,041 [crackling underfoot] 1124 01:15:29,208 --> 01:15:32,041 [mysterious upbeat music] 1125 01:16:08,833 --> 01:16:09,791 [snoring] 1126 01:16:14,750 --> 01:16:17,416 -What? -Sorry to disturb you again, sir. 1127 01:16:17,583 --> 01:16:21,333 But I've reached a stage in my enquiries when I must have a word with you. 1128 01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:24,541 If you'll give me your undivided attention for just a few moments 1129 01:16:24,708 --> 01:16:28,583 I can promise you that we shall have this whole case sorted out. 1130 01:16:32,125 --> 01:16:33,000 Hey! 1131 01:16:33,875 --> 01:16:34,916 You two, over there. 1132 01:16:35,958 --> 01:16:40,333 Her Ladyship's sunning herself bare-arsed in front of my constables. 1133 01:16:40,500 --> 01:16:42,625 Will you advise her, with my compliments, 1134 01:16:42,791 --> 01:16:44,625 please, to cover it up. 1135 01:16:44,791 --> 01:16:46,458 Right away, sir. I'll tell her. 1136 01:16:48,291 --> 01:16:49,791 I'm sorry about that, sir. 1137 01:16:50,625 --> 01:16:52,208 You must realise by now 1138 01:16:52,375 --> 01:16:55,166 that I am not from the Water Board. 1139 01:16:55,916 --> 01:16:58,291 I knew it. I knew it! 1140 01:16:58,833 --> 01:17:02,625 Well, any deception I practised, sir, was never intended to deceive you. 1141 01:17:02,791 --> 01:17:07,500 You are a man of intelligence if you saw through my disguise at once. 1142 01:17:07,666 --> 01:17:12,208 It was merely a ruse to give me time to review the situation. 1143 01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:15,250 In fact, sir, you'll see before you 1144 01:17:15,416 --> 01:17:17,208 a man who is quite a… 1145 01:17:17,375 --> 01:17:19,625 a personage in his own way. 1146 01:17:19,791 --> 01:17:21,083 I am, er… 1147 01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:23,291 none other than… 1148 01:17:23,875 --> 01:17:25,166 Truscott of the Yard. 1149 01:17:31,458 --> 01:17:32,750 I never heard of you. 1150 01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:37,583 Never heard of Truscott? 1151 01:17:38,416 --> 01:17:40,958 The man who tracked down the limbless girl killer? 1152 01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:43,125 Who'd want to kill a limbless girl? 1153 01:17:45,041 --> 01:17:46,416 She was the killer. 1154 01:17:47,250 --> 01:17:49,500 Well, how did she do it if she was limbless? 1155 01:17:50,208 --> 01:17:53,500 I'm not prepared to answer that question to anyone outside the profession. 1156 01:17:53,666 --> 01:17:57,250 We don't want a carbon-copy murder on our hands, do we? 1157 01:18:00,916 --> 01:18:05,166 Now, sir, do you realise why I'm here? 1158 01:18:05,333 --> 01:18:08,625 No. Your every action has been a complete mystery to me. 1159 01:18:08,791 --> 01:18:11,458 Good, good, good. Well, that's how it should be. 1160 01:18:11,625 --> 01:18:16,166 I now shall proceed to bring to light two dastardly crimes, 1161 01:18:16,541 --> 01:18:18,333 beginning with the least important. 1162 01:18:18,500 --> 01:18:20,250 -Which is what? -Murder. 1163 01:18:21,375 --> 01:18:23,208 -Murder? -Yes. 1164 01:18:24,416 --> 01:18:25,583 Murder. 1165 01:18:25,958 --> 01:18:28,958 Your wife passed away three days ago. 1166 01:18:31,125 --> 01:18:33,333 What did she die of? 1167 01:18:33,500 --> 01:18:35,750 The death certificate is perfectly legible. 1168 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,583 You're very easily satisfied. 1169 01:18:38,750 --> 01:18:40,625 Fortunately, I am not. 1170 01:18:42,458 --> 01:18:47,041 Tell me, did you talk with your wife towards the end? 1171 01:18:47,208 --> 01:18:48,833 Yes, I did, that morning. 1172 01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:51,125 Well, didn't she say anything? 1173 01:18:51,291 --> 01:18:53,583 No last message of a mysterious nature? 1174 01:18:55,958 --> 01:19:00,333 Yes, she did. She spoke of a book. 1175 01:19:01,250 --> 01:19:02,458 Which book? 1176 01:19:02,625 --> 01:19:04,875 Well, she didn't say. Er… 1177 01:19:05,458 --> 01:19:08,708 -She spoke of a broken binding. -Ah-ha. 1178 01:19:10,125 --> 01:19:11,166 Ah-ha. 1179 01:19:21,666 --> 01:19:22,708 Ah-ha! 1180 01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:25,000 I have it. 1181 01:19:25,416 --> 01:19:28,166 The Trial of Phyllis McMahon. 1182 01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:30,833 A nurse accused of murdering her patients. 1183 01:19:31,000 --> 01:19:32,541 One of my old cases. 1184 01:19:32,708 --> 01:19:34,250 [chuckles] Look at that. 1185 01:19:34,916 --> 01:19:38,166 -Oh, it's you. -Yes. Most unflattering, isn't it? 1186 01:19:38,333 --> 01:19:41,000 Why do they always choose the worst ones? 1187 01:19:41,166 --> 01:19:43,666 Is there a photograph of the nurse in there? 1188 01:19:43,833 --> 01:19:45,041 Just a moment. 1189 01:19:46,250 --> 01:19:48,333 No, no, no. Apparently not. 1190 01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:51,583 Someone must have torn every picture of her out of the book. 1191 01:19:51,750 --> 01:19:54,708 But we have something more damning than that. 1192 01:19:55,708 --> 01:19:57,583 The handwriting of the accused. 1193 01:19:59,250 --> 01:20:04,625 And here I have the evidence on which I propose to convict. 1194 01:20:04,791 --> 01:20:07,791 A recent specimen of the handwriting of the nurse. 1195 01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:10,708 The nurse, your late wife's nurse. 1196 01:20:11,916 --> 01:20:13,583 Identical in every respect. 1197 01:20:16,416 --> 01:20:18,916 But this is signed "Queen Victoria." 1198 01:20:19,083 --> 01:20:22,083 An alias she often used when dealing with elderly people. 1199 01:20:22,958 --> 01:20:27,041 Yeah, but if this is one of your cases, how is it she didn't recognise you? 1200 01:20:28,875 --> 01:20:30,458 Two very simple reasons. 1201 01:20:30,625 --> 01:20:33,916 One, I conduct my cases under an assumed name, 1202 01:20:34,083 --> 01:20:36,875 and two, I am a master of disguise. 1203 01:20:47,500 --> 01:20:49,708 Yes, yes. You've had a lucky escape, sir. 1204 01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:51,833 You could have been the victim of a murder within a month. 1205 01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:55,583 We've had our tabs on her for years. Seven husbands, 13 fatal accidents, 1206 01:20:55,750 --> 01:20:58,041 two cases of suspected fish poisoning. 1207 01:20:58,208 --> 01:21:01,250 She's practised her own form of genocide for a decade 1208 01:21:01,416 --> 01:21:03,041 and called it nursing. 1209 01:21:03,208 --> 01:21:04,083 The fiend! 1210 01:21:04,250 --> 01:21:07,125 I think I am now in a position to make an arrest. 1211 01:21:08,375 --> 01:21:10,458 Meadows? Meadows! 1212 01:21:11,541 --> 01:21:13,166 -Yes, sir? -Tooty sweety. 1213 01:21:13,333 --> 01:21:15,291 Stand by the coffin. Don't let nobody touch it! 1214 01:21:15,458 --> 01:21:16,583 Yes, sir! 1215 01:21:16,750 --> 01:21:19,708 We've reached the rose garden, sir! Beautiful it is! 1216 01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:22,458 Good. Dig the bleeding lot up! 1217 01:21:22,625 --> 01:21:23,708 Not the rose garden! 1218 01:21:23,875 --> 01:21:25,875 [Meadows] Dig the bleeding lot up! 1219 01:21:40,416 --> 01:21:41,666 [door opens] 1220 01:21:51,750 --> 01:21:52,916 Now, sir. 1221 01:21:56,083 --> 01:22:00,416 Could you tell us, will the funeral be taking place today or not? 1222 01:22:00,583 --> 01:22:02,833 Only we have our Meals on Wheels to attend to. 1223 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:04,458 [all talk at once] 1224 01:22:18,416 --> 01:22:19,458 [grunts] 1225 01:22:19,625 --> 01:22:20,666 Phew. 1226 01:22:26,958 --> 01:22:27,958 [groans] 1227 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:32,291 [liquid sloshing] 1228 01:22:35,375 --> 01:22:36,375 All right, baby? 1229 01:22:37,458 --> 01:22:38,500 Nice. 1230 01:22:40,416 --> 01:22:43,083 I never killed anyone! I'm an angel of mercy! 1231 01:22:43,250 --> 01:22:47,333 You lie. You can't escape me, Phyllis. 1232 01:22:49,083 --> 01:22:52,083 I am innocent until proved guilty. That's the law. 1233 01:22:52,250 --> 01:22:54,666 Huh! Who's been filling your head with that rubbish? 1234 01:22:54,833 --> 01:22:56,791 I can't be had for anything. You've no proof. 1235 01:22:56,958 --> 01:22:58,833 I shall say you've given me a confession. 1236 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:01,416 It could prejudice your case if I have to forge one. 1237 01:23:01,583 --> 01:23:05,541 -I shall deny that I've confessed. -Perjury is a very serious crime! 1238 01:23:05,708 --> 01:23:08,125 Have you no respect for the truth? 1239 01:23:08,291 --> 01:23:10,916 [Truscott] We have an old saying in the force, Phyllis. 1240 01:23:11,083 --> 01:23:12,458 "Waste time on the truth 1241 01:23:12,625 --> 01:23:14,916 and you'll pound the beat till the day you retire." 1242 01:23:15,083 --> 01:23:17,750 The police used to be run by men of integrity. 1243 01:23:17,916 --> 01:23:20,791 That is a mistake which has since been rectified. 1244 01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:24,625 Oh, come along, Phyllis. I can't stand here all day. 1245 01:23:30,083 --> 01:23:32,750 My name is Phyllis Jean McMahon, alias Fay Jean McMahon. 1246 01:23:32,916 --> 01:23:35,000 I am 28 years of age and a nurse by profession. 1247 01:23:35,166 --> 01:23:38,041 On the third July last I advertised in the trade papers for a position. 1248 01:23:38,208 --> 01:23:41,500 Mr McLeavy answered. He wished me to nurse his wife back to health. 1249 01:23:41,666 --> 01:23:43,708 A task I found impossible. Mrs McLeavy was dying. 1250 01:23:43,875 --> 01:23:47,708 Euthanasia was against my religion. Instead I decided to murder her. 1251 01:23:47,875 --> 01:23:50,416 I administered poison on the night of September 22. 1252 01:23:50,583 --> 01:23:53,541 The next morning she died and I notified the authorities. 1253 01:23:55,083 --> 01:23:58,875 I have had nothing but heartache since. I am very sorry for my dreadful crime. 1254 01:24:01,125 --> 01:24:02,125 [wailing] 1255 01:24:08,083 --> 01:24:09,291 Very good. 1256 01:24:09,958 --> 01:24:12,291 Your style is simple and direct. 1257 01:24:13,125 --> 01:24:15,541 It's a theme which, less skilfully handled, 1258 01:24:15,708 --> 01:24:17,166 could have given offence. 1259 01:24:18,500 --> 01:24:21,458 How could you do it? Rob me of my only support! 1260 01:24:21,625 --> 01:24:23,750 I offered you a replacement. 1261 01:24:23,916 --> 01:24:26,000 I never knew such wickedness was possible. 1262 01:24:26,166 --> 01:24:27,958 You knew of my character when you employed me. 1263 01:24:28,125 --> 01:24:30,583 My references were signed by people of repute. 1264 01:24:30,750 --> 01:24:34,250 -You murdered most of them. -That doesn't invalidate their signatures. 1265 01:24:35,125 --> 01:24:37,458 Pack your bags. You won't be arrested from my house. 1266 01:24:37,625 --> 01:24:39,625 Come, sir, please. 1267 01:24:39,791 --> 01:24:42,416 You and I have to make arrangements to transport Mrs, um… 1268 01:24:42,583 --> 01:24:44,125 -Mrs, um… -Mrs McLeavy. 1269 01:24:44,291 --> 01:24:46,500 …Mrs McLeavy to the coroner's court. 1270 01:24:48,958 --> 01:24:52,791 Don't try to escape or commit suicide. Either will get you nowhere. 1271 01:24:52,958 --> 01:24:54,208 [whistles] 1272 01:24:54,375 --> 01:24:56,583 My assistant will escort you to the police station. 1273 01:24:56,750 --> 01:24:57,916 Meadows! 1274 01:24:58,083 --> 01:25:03,000 I imagine, sir, that the police surgeon will probably like to have a peek 1275 01:25:03,166 --> 01:25:05,583 at your good lady's stomach. 1276 01:25:05,750 --> 01:25:06,958 Follow me, will you? 1277 01:25:07,833 --> 01:25:10,541 [McLeavy] Is the poor woman never to get any rest? 1278 01:25:16,666 --> 01:25:17,916 I heard everything. 1279 01:25:19,041 --> 01:25:22,875 I've never seen you in adversity before. It's an unforgettable experience. 1280 01:25:23,041 --> 01:25:25,083 I love you. I'll wait for you forever. 1281 01:25:25,250 --> 01:25:27,541 No, you'll tire of waiting and marry someone else. 1282 01:25:27,708 --> 01:25:30,166 He won't, you know. He'll be in prison himself. 1283 01:25:30,333 --> 01:25:31,916 When they go to examine Mum's body 1284 01:25:32,083 --> 01:25:34,333 they'll have us all by the short and curlies. 1285 01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:35,416 [clears throat] 1286 01:25:36,708 --> 01:25:38,541 We're ready when you are, miss. 1287 01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:46,416 Goodbye, Phyllis. 1288 01:25:46,583 --> 01:25:49,000 I count a mother well lost to have met you. 1289 01:25:49,166 --> 01:25:51,791 Goodbye, darling. I'll wait for years. 1290 01:25:51,958 --> 01:25:52,875 -Years? -Years. 1291 01:25:53,041 --> 01:25:53,958 -Years. -Years. 1292 01:25:54,125 --> 01:25:55,250 -Years. -Years. 1293 01:25:55,416 --> 01:25:56,416 Years. 1294 01:25:57,208 --> 01:25:58,416 Years. 1295 01:26:00,416 --> 01:26:01,500 -Years. -Years. 1296 01:26:01,666 --> 01:26:02,666 Oh, years. 1297 01:26:03,583 --> 01:26:04,833 Years, years. 1298 01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:06,416 Years, years. 1299 01:26:06,583 --> 01:26:08,125 -Oh, years. -Years. 1300 01:26:08,291 --> 01:26:09,375 Years, years. 1301 01:26:09,541 --> 01:26:11,166 Years. Oh, years. 1302 01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:13,500 -Years. -Years. 1303 01:26:16,125 --> 01:26:17,125 Years. 1304 01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:33,666 Here! What…? 1305 01:26:33,833 --> 01:26:35,833 Well, sir, the sooner we get a spoonful 1306 01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:37,041 of your wife's… 1307 01:26:38,166 --> 01:26:39,375 tummy on a slide, 1308 01:26:39,541 --> 01:26:41,625 the sooner McMahon faces a murder wrap. 1309 01:26:47,500 --> 01:26:50,375 Inspector, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. 1310 01:26:50,541 --> 01:26:51,625 Oh? What's that? 1311 01:26:51,791 --> 01:26:54,833 Mrs McLeavy is minus her vital organs. 1312 01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:57,583 What? What? 1313 01:26:57,750 --> 01:27:00,500 -What, what? -They were removed during the embalming. 1314 01:27:00,666 --> 01:27:02,166 Baby! 1315 01:27:02,333 --> 01:27:03,875 What? What, all of them? 1316 01:27:04,416 --> 01:27:08,166 The lot. All you'll find inside her are screwed-up copies of the Daily Mirror. 1317 01:27:08,333 --> 01:27:10,083 The Daily Mirror? 1318 01:27:10,250 --> 01:27:12,375 [Dennis] No slight was intended, Mr McLeavy. 1319 01:27:12,541 --> 01:27:16,000 We just happen to use whatever the lads are reading at the time. 1320 01:27:16,166 --> 01:27:17,333 Could have been the Jewish Chronicle. 1321 01:27:18,416 --> 01:27:22,166 [mimicking Truscott] I'm afraid you have no… evidence. 1322 01:27:24,750 --> 01:27:25,750 What an amazing… 1323 01:27:25,916 --> 01:27:29,291 What an amazing woman. She's got away with it again. 1324 01:27:30,166 --> 01:27:31,083 Meadows? 1325 01:27:31,750 --> 01:27:32,708 Yes, sir? Over. 1326 01:27:32,875 --> 01:27:35,250 [Truscott] Meadows, bring her back. 1327 01:27:35,416 --> 01:27:37,708 Look sharp, lad, or she'll sue us for wrongful arrest. 1328 01:27:37,875 --> 01:27:39,666 Understood, sir. Over and out. 1329 01:27:42,416 --> 01:27:44,541 I'm sorry, I'm rather confused. 1330 01:27:44,708 --> 01:27:47,541 Is she to get away with this? Didn't she murder my wife? 1331 01:27:48,208 --> 01:27:50,708 [Truscott] Oh, no doubt of it, sir. No doubt at all. 1332 01:27:51,125 --> 01:27:54,041 But I'm afraid that without your wife's… stomach 1333 01:27:54,208 --> 01:27:56,125 we have no evidence on which to convict. 1334 01:27:56,291 --> 01:28:00,583 But surely it isn't normal practice to use newspaper for such purposes? 1335 01:28:00,750 --> 01:28:04,750 I was most reluctant to reveal the secrets of the trade, Mr McLeavy. 1336 01:28:04,916 --> 01:28:07,750 [McLeavy] The Daily Mirror! She only read the Telegraph. 1337 01:28:07,916 --> 01:28:10,875 Is there no respect for a person's political beliefs? 1338 01:28:11,791 --> 01:28:15,875 Well, McMahon, you've had another twelfth-hour escape. 1339 01:28:16,041 --> 01:28:18,666 I'll tell you one thing, you'll be blacklisted. 1340 01:28:18,833 --> 01:28:21,291 I'll see you never get another nursing job again. 1341 01:28:21,458 --> 01:28:23,916 Oh, now, now, sir. Don't let's be vindictive. 1342 01:28:24,083 --> 01:28:26,125 Show a little tolerance, please. 1343 01:28:27,291 --> 01:28:32,000 Phyllis, perhaps you'd be kind enough to make us a cup of tea? 1344 01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:42,500 Well, Phyllis, there's still a chance I may get you. 1345 01:28:43,208 --> 01:28:45,958 As an accessory to a far more serious breach of the law 1346 01:28:46,125 --> 01:28:48,416 than the mere taking of a human life. 1347 01:28:48,583 --> 01:28:50,625 More serious than the taking of a life? 1348 01:28:50,791 --> 01:28:51,958 I should say so, sir. 1349 01:28:53,000 --> 01:28:55,083 The stealing of public money, 1350 01:28:55,916 --> 01:28:59,708 which is precisely what your son and his accomplices have done. 1351 01:29:00,708 --> 01:29:03,166 During the course of my investigation… 1352 01:29:04,625 --> 01:29:06,291 I came across this. 1353 01:29:09,875 --> 01:29:11,500 It's a marble. 1354 01:29:11,666 --> 01:29:13,541 No, sir, it's not a marble. 1355 01:29:14,625 --> 01:29:16,416 It looks to me like a… 1356 01:29:17,083 --> 01:29:18,375 a glass eye. 1357 01:29:19,791 --> 01:29:22,791 Well, I think it's a marble which has been trodden on. 1358 01:29:24,250 --> 01:29:26,250 No, sir. It's an eye. 1359 01:29:27,166 --> 01:29:29,458 The maker's name is clearly engraved. 1360 01:29:30,708 --> 01:29:33,083 "J&S Fraser." 1361 01:29:33,250 --> 01:29:35,125 Eye makers to the profession. 1362 01:29:48,416 --> 01:29:50,083 Where did this eye come from? 1363 01:29:51,208 --> 01:29:53,458 Answer me! Where did it come from? 1364 01:29:54,458 --> 01:29:56,333 -From Mum's body. -Hm! 1365 01:29:56,500 --> 01:29:58,208 Sacred heaven, no! 1366 01:29:58,375 --> 01:30:01,000 We're ready for a serious discussion, but not bad language. 1367 01:30:01,166 --> 01:30:02,500 You heard him confess. 1368 01:30:02,666 --> 01:30:06,166 My son has stolen the eyes from his dead mother. 1369 01:30:06,333 --> 01:30:09,083 I've raised a ghoul at my own expense. 1370 01:30:10,791 --> 01:30:13,666 The coffin must be opened. Fetch a screwdriver. 1371 01:30:13,833 --> 01:30:17,958 I advise caution, sir. That coffin's taking quite a pasting. 1372 01:30:18,125 --> 01:30:19,458 She may be in pieces. 1373 01:30:26,125 --> 01:30:28,666 This is unwarranted interference with the dead. 1374 01:30:28,833 --> 01:30:31,666 Look, she was my wife. I can do what I like with her. 1375 01:30:31,833 --> 01:30:33,375 Indeed not, sir. 1376 01:30:34,333 --> 01:30:36,208 Conjugal rights stop with the last heartbeat, 1377 01:30:36,375 --> 01:30:37,583 you should know that. 1378 01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:46,541 [screams] 1379 01:30:58,416 --> 01:31:00,791 Yes, well, I'm not surprised. 1380 01:31:00,958 --> 01:31:03,375 Serves him right for tampering with dead bodies. 1381 01:31:03,541 --> 01:31:05,500 Equivalent to tomb-robbing. 1382 01:31:05,666 --> 01:31:08,125 Kindly replace the lid, lads, will you? 1383 01:31:14,000 --> 01:31:15,208 Dad? 1384 01:31:15,375 --> 01:31:16,625 -Huh? -Dad? 1385 01:31:16,791 --> 01:31:17,875 [groaning] 1386 01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:22,208 Ah, my little darl… 1387 01:31:23,750 --> 01:31:25,791 Harold, why? Why did you do it? 1388 01:31:26,583 --> 01:31:28,875 What have you done with your poor mother? 1389 01:31:29,916 --> 01:31:30,916 What? 1390 01:31:31,666 --> 01:31:32,708 What? 1391 01:31:41,166 --> 01:31:42,208 Oh, God. 1392 01:31:43,000 --> 01:31:44,208 Oh, God. 1393 01:31:45,416 --> 01:31:48,958 Oh, that this should happen to me, a man that was kissed by the Pope. 1394 01:31:50,041 --> 01:31:51,541 I'll disown you. You're no son of mine. 1395 01:31:51,708 --> 01:31:53,083 I'll put it about that I was cuckolded. 1396 01:31:54,375 --> 01:31:57,125 Hey, Dad, I'm in a bit of a spot. 1397 01:31:57,291 --> 01:32:00,125 I'll confess to Father O'Shaughnessy. Now, you'd like that, eh? 1398 01:32:00,291 --> 01:32:01,875 -You young pup! -Oh! 1399 01:32:02,791 --> 01:32:05,000 Dad, look, don't get stroppy. 1400 01:32:05,166 --> 01:32:07,083 -I'm sorry I ever begat you. -Oh. 1401 01:32:07,250 --> 01:32:09,916 I'd have withheld at the moment of conception if I'd known. 1402 01:32:10,916 --> 01:32:15,291 Where did I go wrong? I lavished you with everything. 1403 01:32:15,916 --> 01:32:19,500 It's that Dennis. It's his fault. He's led you astray. 1404 01:32:20,125 --> 01:32:21,583 Ah, you're a good boy. 1405 01:32:21,750 --> 01:32:24,458 You wouldn't do a thing like this, not my son. 1406 01:32:25,666 --> 01:32:28,583 Where are your tears? She was your mother. 1407 01:32:28,750 --> 01:32:31,250 She's dust, Dad, dust, that's all. 1408 01:32:31,416 --> 01:32:33,166 Wicked, wicked boy. 1409 01:32:33,333 --> 01:32:35,375 These hairs, the grey. 1410 01:32:35,541 --> 01:32:38,750 I'd be a brunette today if you'd been an accountant. 1411 01:32:38,916 --> 01:32:40,291 Wicked, evil boy. 1412 01:32:40,458 --> 01:32:42,416 Come, sir. Come, sir. 1413 01:32:42,583 --> 01:32:44,958 Fathers discover greater iniquities in their sons 1414 01:32:45,125 --> 01:32:46,875 than the theft of an eye. 1415 01:32:47,041 --> 01:32:48,458 How are you feeling, sir? 1416 01:32:51,333 --> 01:32:52,958 I wish to prefer charges. 1417 01:32:56,416 --> 01:32:58,291 Who do you wish to charge? 1418 01:32:59,333 --> 01:33:00,500 I wish to charge my s-- 1419 01:33:02,416 --> 01:33:03,583 [whispers] My son… 1420 01:33:05,458 --> 01:33:07,875 I wish to charge myself. 1421 01:33:17,791 --> 01:33:20,250 Would you mind leaving us for a moment, sir? 1422 01:33:21,000 --> 01:33:22,083 Why, yes, sir. 1423 01:33:23,458 --> 01:33:26,458 I must warn you, sir, that anything you say may be taken down, 1424 01:33:26,625 --> 01:33:29,125 twisted, altered and used in evidence against you. 1425 01:33:29,291 --> 01:33:32,375 Now, what crime have you committed? 1426 01:33:36,500 --> 01:33:39,125 I have given misleading information to the police. 1427 01:33:39,291 --> 01:33:41,000 What misleading information? 1428 01:33:41,750 --> 01:33:43,666 Well, I'm not prepared to tell you. 1429 01:33:44,166 --> 01:33:46,666 Then how do we know your admission of giving misleading information 1430 01:33:46,833 --> 01:33:49,000 isn't in itself misleading? 1431 01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:52,666 You'll have to take my word for it. 1432 01:33:52,833 --> 01:33:55,250 I'm not prepared to do that. You must be more specific. 1433 01:33:55,833 --> 01:33:59,291 Very well. I'm responsible for the bank robbery. 1434 01:33:59,458 --> 01:34:02,708 I'm the real culprit. Arrest me and close the case. 1435 01:34:03,125 --> 01:34:05,458 Nonsense. You're just shielding your son. 1436 01:34:05,625 --> 01:34:09,000 No, he's not responsible. As God's my witness, 1437 01:34:09,166 --> 01:34:13,041 the guilt is mine. I must atone for my sins. 1438 01:34:13,208 --> 01:34:14,958 I ask to be sent to jail. 1439 01:34:15,125 --> 01:34:17,208 Your behaviour is quite scandalous. 1440 01:34:17,375 --> 01:34:20,458 With a father like you, no wonder your son took to robbing banks. 1441 01:34:21,416 --> 01:34:23,041 [sobbing] 1442 01:34:26,500 --> 01:34:29,416 -What's up? -Money in the coffin, right? 1443 01:34:29,583 --> 01:34:31,958 -Right. -Coffin in the van and away, right? 1444 01:34:32,125 --> 01:34:34,500 Wrong. My dad's confessed to the bank job. 1445 01:34:34,666 --> 01:34:37,500 Your dad? Why should your dad confess to the bank job? 1446 01:34:37,666 --> 01:34:40,833 He blames himself for my upbringing and wants to be punished. 1447 01:34:41,000 --> 01:34:42,583 I think that's very reasonable. 1448 01:34:42,750 --> 01:34:46,875 I think I'll go to confession tonight, purge me soul of today's events. 1449 01:34:49,083 --> 01:34:52,125 It's times like this I regret not being a Catholic. 1450 01:34:52,958 --> 01:34:55,125 [Truscott] Meadows, we're pulling out. 1451 01:34:55,291 --> 01:34:56,583 [whistle blows] 1452 01:34:58,875 --> 01:35:00,125 Oh. 1453 01:35:00,291 --> 01:35:01,791 Forgive the intrusion. 1454 01:35:01,958 --> 01:35:04,541 I'm off now. My men will be coming inside shortly. 1455 01:35:04,708 --> 01:35:07,416 They're capable of causing damage without my supervision, 1456 01:35:07,583 --> 01:35:09,166 so I'll take my leave of you. 1457 01:35:09,333 --> 01:35:11,333 Aren't you going to arrest my dad, then? 1458 01:35:11,958 --> 01:35:14,416 We only arrest the innocent as a last resort. 1459 01:35:15,291 --> 01:35:18,875 We all know who the… guilty parties are. 1460 01:35:19,958 --> 01:35:22,250 It's just a question of my finding the money. 1461 01:35:22,833 --> 01:35:24,208 Yes, well, ta-da, Inspector. 1462 01:35:26,250 --> 01:35:27,416 Ta-da, lad. 1463 01:35:27,583 --> 01:35:29,208 -Cheerio, Inspector. -Bye-bye. 1464 01:35:29,375 --> 01:35:31,458 Goodbye. It's been nice seeing you again. 1465 01:35:31,625 --> 01:35:32,583 Goodbye, Phyllis. 1466 01:35:33,708 --> 01:35:35,458 [glass eye bouncing on floor] 1467 01:35:40,333 --> 01:35:42,291 [crack] 1468 01:35:48,416 --> 01:35:49,666 [Truscott laughs] 1469 01:35:55,750 --> 01:35:58,875 Yes, well, you should have known you stood no chance 1470 01:35:59,041 --> 01:36:01,000 against modern methods of detection. 1471 01:36:01,166 --> 01:36:03,208 I want a full statement from the two of you. 1472 01:36:03,375 --> 01:36:05,833 It's no good, Inspector. You're too clever for us. 1473 01:36:06,000 --> 01:36:07,583 Thank you, lad. Thank you. 1474 01:36:08,666 --> 01:36:09,833 [glass breaks] 1475 01:36:30,708 --> 01:36:32,500 Hey! Stop! 1476 01:36:32,666 --> 01:36:34,500 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 1477 01:36:34,666 --> 01:36:36,500 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 1478 01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:38,333 ♪ Now you got the money ♪ 1479 01:36:38,500 --> 01:36:41,583 ♪ Well, you know It's going to be all right ♪ 1480 01:36:42,250 --> 01:36:46,375 ♪ Now it's going to be fine Every day and every single night ♪ 1481 01:36:48,000 --> 01:36:49,541 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 1482 01:36:50,166 --> 01:36:51,708 ♪ Everyone needs it ♪ 1483 01:36:52,708 --> 01:36:54,375 ♪ Loot, loot ♪ 1484 01:36:55,208 --> 01:36:57,041 ♪ You better believe it ♪ 1485 01:36:57,208 --> 01:36:59,125 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 1486 01:36:59,583 --> 01:37:01,208 ♪ Loot's the root ♪ 1487 01:37:02,083 --> 01:37:04,166 ♪ Loot ♪ 1488 01:37:12,583 --> 01:37:13,916 [engine stalling] 1489 01:37:16,916 --> 01:37:18,250 [chuckles] 1490 01:37:18,416 --> 01:37:20,000 Trying to get the money out of the country? 1491 01:37:20,166 --> 01:37:21,875 Damn silly thing to do. 1492 01:37:22,041 --> 01:37:24,375 Might easily have got into the wrong hands. 1493 01:37:24,541 --> 01:37:26,625 My God, you're in trouble now, lad. 1494 01:37:27,625 --> 01:37:30,083 Perhaps I might ask you to accompany me to the station. 1495 01:37:31,208 --> 01:37:32,291 Come along, lad. 1496 01:37:36,375 --> 01:37:37,458 And you, Phyllis. 1497 01:37:40,291 --> 01:37:42,083 [Truscott] You know what usually happens in a case like this? 1498 01:37:42,250 --> 01:37:43,166 [Dennis] No, what? 1499 01:37:43,333 --> 01:37:46,416 The criminals, in a last desperate attempt to elude justice, 1500 01:37:46,583 --> 01:37:48,083 try to bribe the arresting officer. 1501 01:37:48,250 --> 01:37:49,500 Oh, really? 1502 01:37:49,666 --> 01:37:51,291 Well, it has happened. 1503 01:37:51,458 --> 01:37:53,875 Every man has his price, they say. 1504 01:37:55,708 --> 01:37:58,916 -What's yours? -I thought you'd never ask. 1505 01:38:00,375 --> 01:38:02,250 You're fucking nicked, me old beauty. 1506 01:38:02,416 --> 01:38:05,708 We've found the money, so I've decided to arrest you. 1507 01:38:05,875 --> 01:38:10,416 Ah, God bless you, Inspector. You're one of nature's gentlemen. 1508 01:38:10,583 --> 01:38:13,208 I want to thank you, sir. You're a kind man. 1509 01:38:13,375 --> 01:38:14,750 I knew the British police force 1510 01:38:14,916 --> 01:38:16,875 wouldn't let a father suffer unnecessarily. 1511 01:38:17,041 --> 01:38:21,041 -You'll get 20 years for this. -Oh, God bless you, sir. 1512 01:38:28,458 --> 01:38:30,375 [Hal hums "Here Comes The Bride"] 1513 01:38:37,250 --> 01:38:40,458 Inspector Truscott, what if McLeavy confesses to his priest? 1514 01:38:40,625 --> 01:38:42,916 -We could be exposed. -I've been exposed before. 1515 01:38:43,083 --> 01:38:45,666 -What happened? -I arrested him, a furrier from Dundee. 1516 01:38:45,833 --> 01:38:48,583 -He's doing 12 years. -What will you charge McLeavy with? 1517 01:38:48,750 --> 01:38:50,083 Oh, anything will do, 1518 01:38:50,250 --> 01:38:54,166 as long as the public's confidence in the police force is not undermined. 1519 01:38:54,333 --> 01:38:56,708 Mr McLeavy would do a grave disservice to the community 1520 01:38:56,875 --> 01:38:58,916 if he revealed the full facts of this case. 1521 01:38:59,083 --> 01:39:04,125 I am left, therefore, with no alternative but to arrest him for the… public good. 1522 01:39:06,625 --> 01:39:09,041 -Dad? -Oh, goodbye, son. 1523 01:39:09,208 --> 01:39:11,583 Cheerio. I'm sure it's the best solution for us all. 1524 01:39:11,750 --> 01:39:14,000 It's only right that I pay for what I've done to you. 1525 01:39:14,166 --> 01:39:15,208 Oh, I agree, Dad. 1526 01:39:15,375 --> 01:39:17,083 -Bless you. -Oh, God bless you. 1527 01:39:17,250 --> 01:39:20,916 McLeavy, I'm leaving tonight. This is quite the worst hotel I've ever stayed at. 1528 01:39:21,083 --> 01:39:23,166 I phoned the AA and complained. 1529 01:39:24,000 --> 01:39:27,625 -Kindly have my bill made up at once. -Yes, sir. I will, sir. 1530 01:39:28,666 --> 01:39:30,208 [McLeavy] God bless you, sir. 1531 01:39:38,458 --> 01:39:40,166 [Truscott] Pleasant holiday. 1532 01:39:40,333 --> 01:39:42,083 What will you do with your share? 1533 01:39:42,250 --> 01:39:44,250 I shall put it in my locker at the station, lad. 1534 01:39:44,416 --> 01:39:46,333 We have an old maxim in the force. 1535 01:39:46,500 --> 01:39:49,125 "Never search your own backyard. You may find what you're looking for." 1536 01:40:02,291 --> 01:40:03,583 [siren wails] 1537 01:40:04,708 --> 01:40:06,083 What a nice man. 1538 01:40:27,208 --> 01:40:29,375 When Dennis and I are married, you'll have to move out. 1539 01:40:30,166 --> 01:40:32,166 -Why? -People would talk. 1540 01:40:32,333 --> 01:40:33,666 We must keep up appearances. 1541 01:40:33,833 --> 01:40:35,375 Er, I'm afraid that's true, Hal. 1542 01:40:36,666 --> 01:40:37,541 Give us a kiss. 1543 01:40:40,333 --> 01:40:42,958 [triumphant music] 1544 01:40:51,083 --> 01:40:54,041 [upbeat music] 1545 01:41:11,291 --> 01:41:12,541 ♪ More ♪ 1546 01:41:12,708 --> 01:41:13,958 ♪ More ♪ 1547 01:41:14,125 --> 01:41:15,833 ♪ More, more, more ♪ 1548 01:41:17,166 --> 01:41:20,500 ♪ And I can tell you why ♪ 1549 01:41:22,291 --> 01:41:26,916 ♪ There is nothing, I am sure ♪ 1550 01:41:28,291 --> 01:41:31,250 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 1551 01:41:33,625 --> 01:41:35,833 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 1552 01:41:38,875 --> 01:41:41,833 ♪ Money cannot buy ♪ 1553 01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:48,375 ♪ Loot ♪