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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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..and in spite of all she'd heard,

4
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,960
Sally was quite unprepared
for the sight that met her eyes,

5
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,480
as she looked out of her tent on
this first morning in Paradise Camp.

6
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:02,680
Everywhere she looked, happy campers
went about their everyday tasks

7
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,320
unencumbered by clothing,

8
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,840
unembarrassed and unashamed,

9
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,560
so this was paradise!

10
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,040
How beautiful it seemed to her.

11
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,080
How unlike her past holidays
in Bournemouth.

12
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:20,280
Suddenly, Sally's shyness
and natural timidity vanished,

13
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,200
and forgetting all about
her strict convent training,

14
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:27,360
she stepped out from her tent,
as naked and free as nature intended.

15
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,960
Cor!  That's quite enough of that,
thank you.

16
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,800
What's the matter?  You told us
this film was about camping.

17
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,920
It is. Those are tents, aren't they?
Not what you're looking at.

18
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,720
If you're going on a camping
holiday, it makes sense
to find out what it's all about.

19
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,680
A fat lot
you're going to learn from this!

20
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,520
I'm making a mental note
of all the equipment they've got.

21
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,320
Yes, especially hers.

22
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,360
Sh!

23
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,400
Setting out to explore paradise,

24
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,720
Sally's first stop
was at the tennis court,

25
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,480
where four sun-bronzed campers
were playing a mixed doubles.

26
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,320
Ha-ha-ha!

27
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,360
Oh, gorblimey!

28
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,280
You won't see nothing like that
at Wimbledon - open or not.

29
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,320
If one of those men turn round,
I'm walking straight out of here.

30
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,040
What's the matter, Anth?
Don't you like tennis?

31
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,440
I feel sick.

32
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,000
I don't blame her. Honestly,
I don't know where to look.

33
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,600
I do. Ha-ha-ha!

34
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,960
Close your eyes and I'll tell you
when to open them.

35
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,320
I don't want to close my eyes.
I just want to go.

36
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,720
I know just how she feels.
It's disgusting, that's what it is,
disgusting!

37
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,960
What are you talking about?
It's artistic.

38
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,800
Artistic?
Certainly.

39
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,680
With all those big bottoms
bobbling about all over the screen?

40
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,080
You wouldn't think anything of it if
we went round like that all the time,

41
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,920
free, unfettered, unashamed.

42
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,240
Oh, no? I suppose you'd rather be
sat here all stark naked?

43
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,680
It wouldn't bother me. It would
if your ice lolly fell in your lap.

44
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,520
You're a prude.

45
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,800
If you don't mind,
we're trying to hear back here.

46
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,600
Sorry, mate, if I'd known that I'd
have spoken a bit louder. Ha-ha-ha.

47
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,960
In another part of the camp
a party of carefree young people

48
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,280
were just starting off
on a bicycle ride.

49
00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,600
Hey, look, Anth!
That fair girl at the end,
she's got a saddle just like mine.

50
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,000
Ooh!

51
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,080
That's being unfettered. They
don't bother with trouser clips.

52
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,800
While in front of the canteen,

53
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,640
a group of men were benefiting
from a PT class,

54
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,360
rhythmically bending over
to touch their toes.

55
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,160
Oh, dear!

56
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,160
Oh, my God!
That does it. Anthea was right.

57
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,480
We should have gone to The Sound
Of Music.  You've seen that before.

58
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,720
I've seen THAT before, too.  Sh!
Oh, shut up!

59
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,600
Come on, Anthea.
Are you coming as well?

60
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,320
Wait a minute. Let's see the end.

61
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,080
I've seen enough ends already.
Come on, Anthea.

62
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,920
I suppose we'd better go with 'em,
Sid.

63
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,960
Excuse me.

64
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,000
It makes you sick.

65
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,120
They just don't appreciate culture.

66
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,400
And so to the swimming pool,

67
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,480
where all the prettiest young girls
were disporting themselves.

68
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,200
Ah!

69
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,720
Hello, darling.

70
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,560
Oh, no.
Hello, Peter, darling.

71
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,280
I'm checking on the camping gear.
So I see.

72
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,520
Had a good day?
Oh, not bad.

73
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,960
Got drunk at lunch time,
then went to a strip club, then
finished off in bed with a popsy.

74
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,880
Ah, look, there's a hole
in this tent flap.

75
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,960
Yes, the goat ate its way in
last year.

76
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,920
Oh, yes, I remember.
He was after your bedding.

77
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,880
Yes, that's right.
He even left a deposit on it.

78
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,560
(ANNOYING HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)

79
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,280
Oh, poor Peter! We had a good laugh
about that, though,

80
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,120
didn't we?
Yes, you did, didn't you?

81
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,920
That's what I love about camping.
Such fun, always.

82
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,320
Did you have a good day?
Not bad, no, no.

83
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,640
A chap came into the office
with a pound of opium

84
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,280
and we smoked it and
we spent the afternoon in a harem.

85
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,960
I've been thinking, we ought to try
Devon again this year,

86
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,040
we had such a marvellous time there
last time.

87
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,720
I've been thinking, too, darling.

88
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,440
That marvellous little camping site
near Stoats Hollow,

89
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,320
do you remember?
Harriet, please listen to me.

90
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,360
I am listening.
What a funny thing to say.

91
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,720
I've been thinking
about this holiday,

92
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,360
and I was wondering if possibly,
just once,

93
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,160
w-w-we might go abroad somewhere.

94
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,200
Abroad?

95
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,240
Camping?

96
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,280
Oh, nothing so luxurious as that.

97
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:56,120
I thought we might...we might
rough it in some four-star hotel.

98
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,600
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
You wouldn't like that.

99
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,200
Sleeping in strange beds,
eating oily food,

100
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,480
and using
all those peculiar toilets.

101
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,720
The toilets we have to dig out
at camp aren't exactly the last word.

102
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,360
Oh, but they're all ours.

103
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:16,400
Yes, well, it's just that I think
I may be getting too old for it.

104
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,440
(LAUGHS ANNOYINGLY)

105
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,840
Oh, don't be silly, Peter! You mark
my words, you'll die under canvas.

106
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,720
That's what I'm afraid of.
No.

107
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,520
You always enjoy your camping
holiday and you must have one.

108
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,040
You're tired. Perhaps you had
a bad day at the office?

109
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,880
No. No, no, no, no.

110
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,640
I met this chap who'd just come back
from camping in Scotland

111
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,720
and his wife was ravished
by a wild haggis

112
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,920
and now they're expecting
a little faggot.

113
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,280
Oh!

114
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,680
Yes?

115
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:46,000
We mustn't forget to take a good
supply of toilet paper this time.

116
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,080
You know what happened last year.
Yes,

117
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,440
we had nothing
to write to your mother on.

118
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,640
WOMAN: No! No, sir, you mustn't!

119
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,680
If you keep on doing that, you'll...

120
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,720
Oh!

121
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,760
Please, sir!

122
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,760
Oh, hello.

123
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,680
Miss Dobbin, what on earth is
the meaning of this?

124
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,880
I'm sorry, Mr Short.
The gentleman kept touching things.

125
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:46,200
That's quite right.
I've been bursting to know
what it's like inside a tent.

126
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,960
I see. All right, Miss Dobbin,
I'll attend to this customer.

127
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,280
Oh, thank you, sir.

128
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,200
Splendid girl, and so helpful.

129
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,000
Do you know, she's being showing me
how to stick the pole up?

130
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,680
Quite.
(CASH REGISTER PINGS)

131
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,200
I take it you're interested
in purchasing equipment?

132
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,440
Oh, rather! I've always been
interested in camping.

133
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,280
But since I've never done it before,

134
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,840
I thought I'd go to
the very best place for advice.

135
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,440
Quite so, sir. So you came here.

136
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,720
Well, yes, you see,
the best shop was closed.

137
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:18,160
I can assure you, we can supply
everything essential for
a really successful camping holiday.

138
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,200
Oh, but I need everything!

139
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,280
Are you going alone, sir?

140
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,040
Why? Do you supply that, too?

141
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,560
This way, sir, please.

142
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,320
Yes, of course.
(CASH REGISTER PINGS)

143
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,720
Sid, let's get back to work.
Oh, come on!

144
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,120
We're only going to ask
where this Paradise Camp is.

145
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,720
But they'll know it's nudist
and it'll be embarrassing.

146
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,000
What are you talking about?

147
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:45,920
Like going into a chemist's for
something, finding a girl serving,
and coming out with toothpaste.

148
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,080
I wondered what you were doing with
all those tubes in your cupboard.

149
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,120
No. It's not that. Besides,
you'll never get Joan and Anth
to go to a place like that.

150
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,000
How long have we been taking them
out?  About three months.

151
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,040
And where's it got us?
I've kissed Anth.

152
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,880
What did that lead to? She was sick.

153
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,760
Because I'd been eating
picked onions.

154
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,240
We're lumbered with two birds
with prohibitions.

155
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,600
You mean "inhibitions".

156
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,920
I mean "prohibitions".
They just won't allow us.

157
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,560
All the same, you can't take them
to a place like that.

158
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,080
If we can get those two birds
to Paradise Camp,

159
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,000
all that freedom, back to nature,

160
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,240
do you think
they can keep on holding out? Never.

161
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,160
How will you get 'em to go there?
Don't tell 'em. Come on.

162
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,040
No. Hold on a minute.
I can't go to a nudist place.

163
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,240
Why not? Other people do.
Maybe, but not people like us.

164
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,280
Have we got three legs or something?

165
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,320
It's not that.

166
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,760
When I'm on holiday,
I like to relax.  So?

167
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,520
And when I relax, I like
to put my hands in my pockets.

168
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,200
You can relax with your hands behind
your back. Prince Philip does.

169
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,560
Not with nothing on, he doesn't.
How do you know?

170
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:46,600
You make it sound like
it was something shameful
to go into a nudist camp.

171
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,520
It's the most healthy,
natural thing in the world.

172
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,360
Can I help you, sir?

173
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,000
Yes, as a matter of fact, my mate
and I were wondering if you could...

174
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,880
Yes?

175
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,920
Well, we were looking for...

176
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,120
Yes?

177
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,680
Er, a tube of toothpaste, please.

178
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,400
We don't sell toothpaste, sir.

179
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,760
Aspirins?

180
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,000
I'll take one of these, then.

181
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,040
See?

182
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,600
Here! That's it!

183
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,640
That's it! Ha-ha-ha.

184
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,400
Come on.

185
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,400
(SCREAMING AND YELLING)

186
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,800
(SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT)

187
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,800
Go on!

188
00:11:55,800 --> 00:12:00,000
I'll teach you to call me a cow,
you old bitch!

189
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,880
Look out, the Head's coming!

190
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,920
Oh!

191
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,160
(CRASH)

192
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,680
Stand up, girls.

193
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,920
ALL: Good evening, Miss Haggard.

194
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,960
Carry on, girls.

195
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,080
(SHOUTING AND SCREAMING)

196
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,960
Come in.

197
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,520
Ah, Matron, what can I do for you?

198
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:53,400
I'm sorry to trouble you, Dr Soaper,
but I've been thinking
about this camping trip

199
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,920
for the girls that remain with us
during the holidays.

200
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,800
What about it?  I was wondering
if it really was such a good idea.

201
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,880
Perhaps you're forgetting,
it was MY idea.

202
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:05,320
Oh, no, no. And, of course,
it is an absolutely splendid one.

203
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,360
But...
But what?

204
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,600
Well, I was wondering whether perhaps
they might find it a trifle spartan.

205
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,920
I mean, their being
such delicate and refined girls.

206
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,960
(YELLING)

207
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,000
(WHISTLES)

208
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:27,040
Ooh-ooh! Usual place, boys,
in five minutes.

209
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,040
The point
I'm really trying to make is

210
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,480
that here I can keep full control
over them,

211
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,600
but, outside, anything might happen.

212
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,240
You seem to be forgetting,
Miss Haggard, you're coming with us.

213
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,760
Surely, you and I together
can keep suitable control?

214
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,120
Well, I was thinking about the girls.

215
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,880
So am I.

216
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:50,480
Oh. But don't you see?
It raises the problem of sex.

217
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,080
I assure you, Matron, I wouldn't
dream of bothering you in that way.

218
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,000
I meant, with the girls.

219
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,520
They're liable to come into contact
with boys.

220
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,320
Oh, yes, but I don't think
that'll be a problem.

221
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:06,080
It's been my experience
that once young people
sample the delights of country life

222
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,120
and the wonders of nature,

223
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,440
oh,
they just can't get enough of it.

224
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,320
Exactly.
I was thinking of the girls.

225
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,360
So was I.
Exactly.

226
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,600
Well, I do hope you're right,
Dr Soaper.

227
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,640
Oh, yes, yes, I assure you, Matron.

228
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,760
But I take the point
you made earlier.

229
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,480
Yes, these girls
have led very sheltered lives.

230
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,400
They don't even know what boys are.

231
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,680
I suggest you give them
a little talk on the subject.
Nothing too frightening.

232
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,840
Just stick to
the birds and the bees,

233
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,000
with a possible reference
to the behaviour of monkeys.

234
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,720
Well, I'll try, Dr Soaper.
Good. Good.

235
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,640
And if any of them feel
any unnatural urges,

236
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,760
or the desire
to do something they shouldn't,

237
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,600
send them straight to me.

238
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,320
You?
Yes.

239
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,800
Well, I was thinking about the girls.
So was I.

240
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,840
Oh, you're not wearing that!

241
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,560
What?
That hat.

242
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,600
Oh, sorry, dear. Force of habit.

243
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,600
Ah, that's the ticket.

244
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,640
Come on. Let's get our packs on.

245
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,000
And off we go!

246
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,000
There. How do I look?

247
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,840
Like an old mailbag
filled with unwanted parcels.

248
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,160
Splendid. Shall I drive?
Why not? You always do.

249
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,200
Good. Come on. Let's go.

250
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,400
(CAR TURNS OVER)

251
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,440
(CAR STARTS)

252
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,240
Don't forget, not a word to
the girls about where we're going.
It's a mystery holiday.

253
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,240
They'll find out
the minute we get there.

254
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,960
It'll be too late by then. We must
just act as surprised as they are.

255
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,800
I won't need to act.

256
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,520
Sid...
Yes?

257
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,000
Will we have to take ALL our clothes
off? Can't we keep something on?

258
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,040
Don't worry. I've thought of that.

259
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,720
Ha-ha-ha.

260
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,920
Finish it up. You're not going
anywhere without a good breakfast
inside you.

261
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,680
I am finishing it up, Mum.

262
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,440
More bacon and tomatoes, Anthea?
No, thank you, Mrs Fussey,

263
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,360
I had coffee and toast
before I left home.

264
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,120
You won't get a proper lunch,
not if I know those two.

265
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,160
They're only after one thing,
they are.

266
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,440
For heaven's sake, Mum,
we know how to look after ourselves.

267
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,480
Oh, yes? 33 and still not married.

268
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,320
If that's not taking care of
yourself, I don't know what is.

269
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,080
I'm playing hard to get with Sid.
(SPLUTTERS)

270
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,280
What's the matter with you?
I choked.

271
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,960
You saved me the trouble.

272
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,720
The way you talk, you'd think
I didn't want to get married.

273
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,880
I know what you want...
I also know what Sid wants.

274
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,000
What's that?  Since you asked me
to put it into words,

275
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,800
he wants to eat his cake and have it.

276
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,120
And he's going the right way about
it, taking off on a camping holiday.

277
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:10,600
I know Sid's been around, but
he's not going to find me easy meat.

278
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,440
Me neither.
Well, you're not even meat.

279
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,160
Bernie's nice, though.

280
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,120
He is if you get him away
from that Sid.

281
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,800
He's a bad influence on him,
if you ask me.  We aren't.

282
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,600
I think you're making it too easy
for them going camping.

283
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,640
I wish you wouldn't treat Sid
as if you hated his guts.

284
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,680
But I do, that's just it, I do.

285
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,800
I know. And you're not making it
any easier for me, either.

286
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,880
It's all going to be quite proper
and above board, I can assure you.

287
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,600
Sid's got two tents for us.

288
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,400
Yes, and I know what happens
to people once they get in them.

289
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,720
I went with your father once
and he went berserk.

290
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,280
After that experience,
I'd never have married him...

291
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,720
if I hadn't had to.
Oh, do shut up, Mum.

292
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,120
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, here they are.

293
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,360
All set?  Yes, give us a hand
with the luggage, will you?

294
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,080
Anthea get here OK?
Yes, she's just finished breakfast.

295
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,120
Morning, Mrs Hussey.

296
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,160
Hello.
Hello.

297
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,400
Blimey, we're not emigrating,
you know.  Oh, it's only clothes.

298
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,960
Oh, you won't need clothes
where we're going.

299
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,000
(MOUTHS)

300
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,400
What do you mean,
we won't need clothes?

301
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,480
He means, you won't need
a lot of clothes.

302
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,320
Just a pair of shorts, swimsuit...

303
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,160
I'm not having her go
without plenty of woollies.
Not with her funny kidneys.

304
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,560
Oh, Mum, there's nothing wrong
with my kidneys.

305
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,840
You know a chill goes straight
to 'em, just like your father.

306
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,080
Always on the trot, he was.
Oh, give over, for heaven's sake!

307
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,920
They can run around half naked,

308
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,200
but you're keeping woollies next
to your essentials and that's final.

309
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,040
All right, Mrs Fussey,
we'll get it all on somehow.

310
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,560
I'm sorry if I've brought too much,
but I have to keep covered up
in the sun.

311
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,680
That's right.
Anthea's got a funny skin.

312
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,600
Get away!

313
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,280
What with her funny skin and
Joan's funny kidneys, it's going to
be a hilarious holiday.

314
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,600
If she can't take her clothes off
in the sun...

315
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,440
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

316
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,800
And don't go drinking
none of that well water.

317
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,080
You never know what people
have done down wells.

318
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,520
Yes, all right, Mum.

319
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,360
And go easy on the tinned food.
You don't want any trouble,
not with your funny tummy.

320
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,920
Funny tummy, too?
You ought to be on the telly.

321
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,880
She can't help
having sensitive parts.

322
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,880
For goodness' sake,
can't we get going?

323
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,880
Nearly ready. You get in.

324
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,400
Anthea, have you taken your tablet?
Yes.

325
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,640
Tablet?
Yes, Anthea gets carsick.

326
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,720
What? A big, strong, healthy girl
like her? Never!

327
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,760
Come on, then.

328
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,880
And don't forget, if you have
to use any strange whatsits,

329
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,800
put plenty of paper down first.

330
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,840
Oh, isn't it awful?

331
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,560
Come on, let's get cracking.
That should hold all right.

332
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,600
Yeah, that's it. Ta-ta, Mrs Fussey.

333
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,440
Just a minute.
Yes?

334
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:50,760
I just wanted to warn you, I don't
want to hear of any unnecessariness
when my Joan gets back.

335
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,800
Unnecessariness?
You know what I mean.

336
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,520
What makes you think
that's unnecessary?

337
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,240
It's no laughing matter.

338
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,240
They might think your intentions
are honourable,
but I've got sore misgivings.

339
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,360
You want to put some talcum powder
on 'em.

340
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,600
Very funny.
You stick to your own tents.

341
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,160
Oh, Mum, really!

342
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,200
It's not as if
she's got a ring on her finger.

343
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,720
She hasn't got one through her nose,
either.

344
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,320
Oh, come on. Let's get going.
For goodness' sake!

345
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,640
Oh, my Gawd!

346
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:28,040
There's three large tents for
the girls, one for me, one for Miss
Haggard, and bunks and bedding...

347
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,600
All the bunks and bedding in here.

348
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,400
(WOLF WHISTLE)
Get a load of that! Whoa-ho!

349
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,800
Good morning, Dr Soaper.
Are we all loaded?

350
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,440
Not 'alf!

351
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,160
Oh, is that our driver?
Yes, Mr Tanner.

352
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,720
You can call me Jim.

353
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,240
Hello, Jim. Are you going to stay
with us all the time?

354
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,400
Oh, yeah. I go all the way.

355
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,400
Ooh, I bet you do.
That'll do. That'll do.

356
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,000
Girls, get in the coach.
You get on with the loading.

357
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,520
Barbara, dear, do you think
you're quite suitably dressed
for travelling?

358
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,160
But, sir, we were told to bring
the minimum of clothing.

359
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,760
Yes, but in your luggage,
not on your person.

360
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,000
Oh, it's all right. I've got
a minimum in my luggage, too.

361
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:17,440
So I see, but I don't think
it's proper for a young lady
to show her legs to that extent.

362
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,840
What extent?
They go up too far.

363
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,840
My legs? They only got up to my...

364
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,880
To your shorts!
Oh, yes.

365
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,800
With a rear wheel drive, eh?

366
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,840
Yes, fascinating the way it...

367
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,440
What? Absolutely disgusting!

368
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,040
I can't think what Matron
had in mind when she allowed it.

369
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,960
I shall certainly speak to her
when...

370
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,040
Good morning, Dr Soaper.

371
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,360
Miss Haggard,
I really must protest...

372
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,400
Something wrong, Dr Soaper?

373
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,480
Ah, no, Matron, nothing.
Nothing at all.

374
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,640
How are you feeling now, Anth,
better?

375
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,680
Yeah.
That's it.

376
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,720
You should never have had those bacon
and tomatoes for breakfast.  Oh...

377
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,080
Oh, look, now you've done it.
Me? What have I done?

378
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,680
Why did you have to bring up
bacon and tomatoes again?

379
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,360
I didn't. She did.
Oh, dear.

380
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,040
I'm not stopping again.

381
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,000
Don't be so hard on her,
she can't help feeling sick.

382
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,200
She's always like this
on long distances.

383
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,360
Long distances? She was off before
we reached the end of your road.

384
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,400
You'd better do something quick.

385
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,440
A paper bag. That's the answer.
I know, put it over her head.

386
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,680
Try those.
She'll never get it in that.

387
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,640
It's to sniff at, you fool.
Smelling salts.

388
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,680
Quick!
Cor!

389
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,680
Great smelling salts, that! What is
it? Essence of bacon and tomato?

390
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,240
(RETCHES)

391
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,480
Oh, Sid, it's no good.
We'll have to find a place.

392
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,080
We're in the bloomin' country.
There aren't any places.

393
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,680
Well, she'll have to go
behind a hedge. Stop the car.

394
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,880
Oh...

395
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,480
# Da-da, da

396
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,120
# Da-da-da-da

397
00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,920
(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)

398
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,960
I say, look what's in front of you!

399
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,360
I am looking.

400
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:20,440
(SCREECHES)

401
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,480
What a ghastly sight!

402
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,280
You can say that again.

403
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,960
Keep off the road!
Keep off the road!

404
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,000
Why? What have you done, madam?

405
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,360
(COW BELL RINGS)

406
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,960
Hello.
Hello.

407
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,000
I wonder if you could help me?
Am I on the right road to Salisbury?

408
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,200
Yes, but it's quicker
if you go through the fence
and cross the plain.

409
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,240
Oh, thank you very much.

410
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,440
What's a nice girl like you
doing with old cow?

411
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:00,200
I'm taking her to the bull.
Oh. Couldn't your father do that?

412
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,240
No, it has to be the bull.

413
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,280
It has to be the...

414
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,240
All right, now, pay attention,
girls.

415
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,360
Owing to our rather prolonged stay
at Stonehenge,

416
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:14,120
I've arranged for us
to stay the night at a hostel,

417
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:18,080
and then go on to the camp site
tomorrow morning. Any questions?

418
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,920
Go on, Babs, I dare you.

419
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,720
Yes, please, Dr Soaper.

420
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,120
What is it, Barbara, dear?

421
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:28,840
Please, sir, at Stonehenge,
I heard an American gentleman say,

422
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,680
that all those stones
were to do with

423
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,880
fertility rites. What are they?

424
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:38,640
Ah, fertility rites, yes. Well,
that's easily explained, my dear.

425
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:43,560
You see, in those days, there were
very few cattle and horses about,

426
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,160
and men had to purchase
the right to gather the fertiliser,

427
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,240
hence the term "fertility rites".

428
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,320
Oh, I see. Aren't I silly?

429
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,760
I thought it was something to do
with having babies.

430
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,800
Now, rest period.

431
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:02,040
A fine talk you must have given them
on the birds and the bees!

432
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,360
Well, I'm sorry, Doctor, but
when I started talking about them,

433
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:08,880
I suddenly realised I hadn't
the foggiest idea what they did.

434
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,920
Well, what do they do?

435
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,960
Bees sting! Psst!

436
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,840
We'll have a quick nosh-up,
then we'll get the tent up.

437
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,880
I think this is a lousy spot to pick.

438
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,920
Perfect, isn't it?

439
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,760
Just smell that air!

440
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,800
Ah!
Something up?

441
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,840
Oh, just a thistle, that's all.

442
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,880
Oh, poor Peter,
you're always in trouble.

443
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,080
Here, have a hard-boiled egg
to get on with.

444
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,040
Oh, isn't this wonderful?

445
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,760
So much better
than dirty, stuffy, old London.

446
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,320
Funny thing about dirty, stuffy,
old London,

447
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:53,560
I can walk for miles
without ever getting bitten,
stung or stepping into something.

448
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,600
That's more than I can say
for the country.

449
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,240
(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)

450
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,960
(MOOING)
What was that?

451
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,760
Only a cow. Look, it's over there.

452
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,800
Are you absolutely sure that's a cow?

453
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,080
Of course I'm sure. I should know, I
used to milk them when I was little.

454
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,680
I wouldn't try milking that one,
it's only got one tap.

455
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,320
(MOOING)

456
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:19,200
Oh, yes, I believe that is a bull.
Fancy that!

457
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,640
No, I don't. Not in the least.

458
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,800
You don't have to worry about them.
They only go for something red.

459
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,840
(MOOING)

460
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,880
Ooh.
Perhaps you'd better move.

461
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,720
I'll open the gate.
You bring the things.

462
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,480
Come on.

463
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,920
(HOOVES APPROACH AT SPEED)

464
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,360
Hurry, Peter! Hurry!

465
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:46,320
Ah!

466
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,360
Ohhh!

467
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,520
Peter!

468
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,560
Peter, darling!

469
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,600
Are you all right?

470
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,640
Fine. Fine.

471
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,800
Would you pass the salt, please?

472
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,080
Peter! Peter!

473
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,040
Oh!

474
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:20,000
Look, you said we'd be there
by five. It's nearly six!

475
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,440
I was reckoning without your friend
Miss Throw-Up 1969.

476
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,680
According to the map,
we should be quite close.

477
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,760
Close to what?
Where are we heading for?

478
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,920
Paradi...
ANTHEA: Joan!

479
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,960
Coming!

480
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,640
(GUNFIRE)

481
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,000
(MORTAR WHISTLES)

482
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,160
I knew I shouldn't have eaten
those radishes.

483
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:54,440
(LAUGHS)
I say, Peter, do you remember,

484
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,520
we stayed overnight in this spot
before?

485
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,200
When I got bitten
in the middle of the night.

486
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,160
That's right.
By a mosquito, wasn't it?

487
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,000
Well, it wasn't you.

488
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,720
They always seem to fancy you.
What you need is a repellent.

489
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,960
Thanks. I married one.

490
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,000
We could do with some milk.

491
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,240
There's a farm round here
where we got some before.

492
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,680
Where I got some before.
No, I'm wrong.

493
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:26,440
I remember, you went by yourself
and on the way back
you fell into a silage pit.

494
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,760
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

495
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,400
Oh, we have had some fun,
haven't we?

496
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,600
Yeah.

497
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,640
I'll get the milk.

498
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,480
Yes?  Hello. I've had a spot of
bother with my tent

499
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,400
and I wondered whether you could let
me have a room for the night.

500
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:14,560
Did you? I suppose you want me
to say, "Yes, but you'll have
to share it with my daughter"?

501
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,520
I expect you've heard that one
about the traveller,

502
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,640
who stopped at the...  I've not only
heard it, I've had it! Come in here!

503
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,720
Here, girl, is this the one
as is responsible?

504
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,200
What? That? You must be joking.

505
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,800
Have you ever been with my daughter
before?

506
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,360
Actually, no.
But if the offer still holds...

507
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,520
Never mind!
Just get out and don't come back.

508
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,400
OK, I'm sorry
to have knocked you up.

509
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,360
Is that meant to be funny?
No, why?

510
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,960
Because it was a tramp like you
that got her into trouble.

511
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,240
Oh, you don't say!
Nothing serious, I hope?

512
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,120
Get out! Get out!

513
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,040
Unless you want my twelve-bore
up your backside.

514
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,480
Father, you can't go on
attacking every man that comes here.

515
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,040
Just give me his name. That's all
I want out of you, his name.

516
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,000
I can't. I never knew his name.

517
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,480
All that money
I spent on a posh education,

518
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,520
trying to make a lady out of you,

519
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,000
and you haven't even got the manners
to ask,

520
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,120
"With who am I having
the pleasure?"

521
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,400
Good evening, sir.

522
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,120
I was wondering if I could have
some milk?  Milk, is it?

523
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,760
Yes. I came here once before,
you know.

524
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,960
Oh, you did, eh?

525
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,000
Yes, but you weren't here, though.

526
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,120
Just a young lady
and she gave me a bit.

527
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,080
Oh, she did, did she?

528
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,640
Yes. And it was very nice, too.

529
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,880
That's why I've come back
for some more.

530
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,160
By gum, you've got a nerve!

531
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,400
Oh, don't misunderstand me, please.

532
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,680
I'm quite willing to pay for it
this time.

533
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,440
I'll kill you!

534
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,800
(GUNSHOT)

535
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,400
Ha, bull's-eye!

536
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,720
# Da-da-da

537
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,760
# Da-da-da...

538
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:14,800
Peter, what's the matter with you?

539
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,120
Nothing. Why? I've been shot
in the backside, that's all.

540
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,040
You've, er... What?

541
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,080
Shot.

542
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,600
Where?
In the backside.

543
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,000
Much?

544
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,920
Have a look, will you?

545
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,520
It must be around here somewhere.

546
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,040
Why don't we just stop anywhere
and put the tents up?

547
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,400
You can't just stop anywhere.
You've got to have proper facilities.

548
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,560
We've managed without facilities
all day.

549
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,720
How's queasy chops?

550
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,920
She's having a whale of a time.
You've only to look at her
to see that.

551
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,560
He only asked.

552
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,200
Look!

553
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,560
That's it.  Paradise?
Where have I heard that before?

554
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,040
It must have been in church.
No, it wasn't that.

555
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,760
Oh, is this the special place
you've been looking for?

556
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,520
That's right.  No, nothing special.
But we'll try it if you like.

557
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,040
But, Sid, this is the place...
Don't be so selfish, Bernie.

558
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,800
Think of the poor girls.
They've had enough for one day.

559
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,400
We'll take a chance, shall we?

560
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,080
Are you the owner of this site?
No.

561
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,320
Where is he?
Gone for a pee.

562
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,360
Here he comes now.

563
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,600
Excuse me.

564
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,160
Yes. Can I help you?

565
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,400
Yes. We'd like to camp here.
Who do we have to see?

566
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,440
Me. I'm the owner. Josh Fiddler.

567
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,000
Oh, how do you do, Mr Fiddler?

568
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,840
I'm Boggle. This is Mr Lugg.
Hello.

569
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,760
You're not members, then?
Do you have to be members?

570
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,680
I'm afraid so. I'm trying to keep
this place select.

571
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,840
It's not like
some of these camp sites,

572
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,240
it's more what you might call
a show place.

573
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,240
We know all about that, don't we?

574
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,920
How much is it to be a member, then?

575
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,040
A pound.
A pound. All right, then.

576
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,720
Per person.

577
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,400
Each? But there's four of us.

578
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,960
Bernie, it's all right. We don't
want to argue with Mr Fiddler.

579
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,040
Two, three, four.

580
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,080
That's correct.

581
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,600
Gentlemen, your members' cards.
Thank you. Shall we go, then?

582
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,720
Any time you want to book in, show
them.  But we want to come in now.

583
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,680
Now? But you haven't booked,
have you?

584
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:47,800
Booked?
Don't tell me you're full up.

585
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,040
Well, I might be able
to squeeze you in,

586
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,360
but you should have paid
the booking fee.

587
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,200
Booking fee. Which is?

588
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,040
A pound.
A pound.

589
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,080
Per tent.

590
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,120
Two tents, two pounds.

591
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,520
Now can we come in?
As soon as you've paid the rent.

592
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:03,920
Rent?
In advance.

593
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:05,800
You've had six quid
out of us already!

594
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,840
Bernie. It's all right, Bernie.

595
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,640
What about the rent,
then, Mr Fiddler?

596
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,400
Well, um,
my usual charge per week...

597
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,440
Yes, yes, which is?
A pound.

598
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,480
A pound. I know it.

599
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,520
Per tent?

600
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,440
Or per person.
Whichever's the greater.

601
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,240
I don't know
if anybody ever told you,

602
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:25,000
but your name certainly suits you.
Thank you.

603
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:28,480
Now can we come in?

604
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,520
Well, there is just one more thing.
What?

605
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,040
Welcome to Paradise.

606
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,320
Bernie, we're in.

607
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,360
Do we strip off now?
Eh?

608
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,400
Do we take our clothes off now?
Oh, no, there's no hurry for that.

609
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,960
Let's have a good look round first,
see what the form is.

610
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,480
But if they're stripped off and we
go in dressed, everybody will stare.

611
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,200
Sh! We can't start now.
They'll get suspicious.

612
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,400
We're lucky. We managed to get in.

613
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,840
Then, you can just turn round
and manage to get out again.

614
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:02,360
What are you talking about?
You heard me, you filthy beast.

615
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,960
Filthy beast? What have I done now?

616
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,680
Look, don't you come the innocent
with me, Sid Boggle.

617
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,400
It's a good job Anthea woke up.
She remembers Paradise.

618
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,800
It was in that disgusting film
you took us to see.

619
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,920
Oh, is that what
that camp was called?

620
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,560
There's a coincidence, eh, Bern?

621
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,160
Yeah.

622
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,560
I want to go home.
Don't worry, dear. We're going.

623
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,120
We're not staying here
to flaunt our persons in public.

624
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,280
It has cost us ten nicker
to get in here, and in we are going.

625
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,160
Don't look, Anthea!

626
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,600
Oh, it's all right, Anthea,
you can look.

627
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,560
It's really rather nice.

628
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,160
Oh, yes, it's lovely.

629
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,600
Come on. Let's get out
and put the tents up, shall we?

630
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,640
You stay where you are. We're not
stopping in this lousy dump.

631
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:00,920
What?

632
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,120
Is this it, then?
Ah, yes.

633
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,160
Ablutions hut, toilet hut, camp shop.

634
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,000
It doesn't seem very full, does it?

635
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,600
You're lucky.
I had a couple of cancellations.

636
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,760
That's why I was able
to squeeze you in.

637
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,800
Well, before you start squeezing,

638
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,000
why are these people all sitting
around with their clothes on?

639
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,600
Well, it's a camp rule, "All visitors
will be respectfully dressed

640
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,400
at all times."
At all times?

641
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,080
Of course. I can't have people
walking round here naked.

642
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,760
I've got my hens to think of.
It doesn't take much
to put them off their laying.

643
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,080
And it doesn't take much
to put me off mine.

644
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,360
We've come to the wrong place.
We can't stay here.

645
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,040
Please yourself.
So if you'll just give me the money.

646
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,680
I'm very sorry. It's a camp rule.
No monies returnable.

647
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,360
If you don't give it to me...
What's all the fuss?

648
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,960
I was just saying
you girls don't want to stay.

649
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:51,840
That was before we saw it.
It's lovely.

650
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,600
Yes. Lovely.

651
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:57,120
That's all right, then, isn't it?
Yes. Lovely.

652
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,160
(THUNDER CRACKS)

653
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,080
I wouldn't take too long
putting your tents up.

654
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,040
It wouldn't surprise me
if we didn't have some rain.

655
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,360
You had to open your big mouth!

656
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:09,880
Oh!

657
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,720
You two get in the car
and me and Sid'll put them up.

658
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,960
(THUNDER CRACKS)

659
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,760
Hurry up, girls. Come along now.
Pick up your luggage.

660
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,560
Well, here we are, girls.
Welcome to Balsworth Youth Hostel.

661
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:36,160
Corridor E. Rooms 15 to 22.
All the girls will have to share.

662
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,920
Not you, of course, Matron.
You'll be in Room 19.

663
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,080
Thank you very much, Dr Soaper.
Not at all.

664
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,120
I'm sure no-one will disturb you.

665
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,640
Yes, come along, girls.
Hurry up. All pair off.

666
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,960
Each girl make a pair.
All make a pair.

667
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,000
That's right.

668
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,040
What's the matter, Sally?

669
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,280
Please, sir,
I don't seem to have a pair.

670
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,440
I wouldn't say that, dear.

671
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,000
You see, there's eleven of us.

672
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,080
Yes, that's true. I hadn't thought
of that. That is most awkward.

673
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:05,080
She can have my room.
I beg your pardon?

674
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,640
Well, I'm on my own.
She can have it if she wants.

675
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:11,360
Oh, yes, I suppose that
would appear to be the only solution.

676
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,200
All right, Sally, you take Room 17.

677
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,360
Yes, sir. Thank you.

678
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,400
That's all right. Any time.

679
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,440
Yes, all right. Come along, dear.

680
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,760
You'll be sharing with me. Room 16.

681
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,800
(THUNDER CRACKS)

682
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,360
Oh! Mind where you're putting that!
Sorry.

683
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,560
Give me a peg.

684
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,600
Peg...

685
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,480
Here you are.

686
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,400
All right. Bang it in.

687
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,440
Ah!
Sorry!

688
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,480
What's the matter with you?

689
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,000
Ah! Oh!

690
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,200
(OWL HOOTS)

691
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,360
Oh, hold still a minute, Peter,
please!

692
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,280
HARRIET: Ah, that's better!

693
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,120
Oh, got it!

694
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:08,720
Ahhh!

695
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:12,120
PETER: Is that the lot?
HARRIET: No, just one more.

696
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:13,960
Now, hold still.

697
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,800
That's it.
Ahhh!

698
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,840
PETER: Ooh...
HARRIET: There.

699
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,360
That's better. Now, get your clothes
on, we'll have a nice hot cup of tea.

700
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,400
Ow!

701
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,000
(KNOCKING)

702
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,040
Hello. Is anyone there?

703
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,560
Oh, hello.
Good evening.

704
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,080
Oh, you poor thing. You're soaked.

705
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,680
Yes, it's been raining, you see.

706
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,200
Come inside. Come inside.
Come on, quickly.

707
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,920
Peter, move up.

708
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,120
(POTS RATTLE VIOLENTLY)

709
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,400
Move up, Peter!

710
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,440
Move up.

711
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,800
Hello. Feeling better?

712
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,840
Yes, thank you.

713
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,880
Here. Get those things off.

714
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,200
Come on, Peter,
give the poor old chap a hand.

715
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,920
Will you? Yes, if you could just
get the pack off.

716
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,400
Nearly off. No, wait a minute.
That side now.

717
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,440
That's it. Thank you very much.

718
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,560
Oh, you're all wet!
Don't worry about that.

719
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,160
Peter doesn't mind a drop of water.
No, I love it.

720
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,520
By the way, I'm Harriet Potter
and this is my husband Peter.

721
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,440
How do you do?
My name is Muggins. Charlie Muggins.

722
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,280
That doesn't surprise me.

723
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:45,520
I've lost my tent and I've been
searching around looking for
somewhere to spend the night.

724
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,040
You're miles from anywhere here.
Yes.

725
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,160
Why not stay the night here?
May I?

726
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,200
Yes.  No.
I mean, Mr Muggins hardly knows us.

727
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,240
We don't want to embarrass him.

728
00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:57,280
You're not shy, are you?
No.

729
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,320
Well, of course, you're not.

730
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:03,160
After all, with us, it's just down
to the old undies and into the bag,
isn't it, Peter?

731
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:08,720
Well, perhaps Mr Muggins doesn't like
watching people getting stripped down
to their old undies.

732
00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:12,600
Oh, I don't mind. That is if you and
your husband don't wish to be alone.

733
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,960
What on earth for?

734
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,520
Oh! I see what you mean.

735
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,880
(LAUGHS IRRITATINGLY)

736
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:28,840
Oh, we gave up all that sort of
thing years ago, didn't we, Peter?

737
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:30,880
Yes, you did, didn't you?

738
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:35,360
I still have my little cot with me,
if you're sure there's room for it.

739
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,520
Yes, of course. Put it up the middle.

740
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,600
Peter will give you a hand
to get it out, won't you, dear?

741
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,160
Oh, gladly.

742
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,000
That's it. Now, pull!

743
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,760
Oh! Oh!

744
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,800
Ooh! Ooh!

745
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,560
Ahhhh!

746
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,400
Ahhhhhhh!

747
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,560
(BIRD SQUAWKS)

748
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:13,080
Look, how much longer
are you going to be?

749
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,680
Nearly finished.
You said that nearly an hour ago.

750
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:18,720
That's it, Bernie, get the beds.
Righto.

751
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,200
Oh!

752
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,240
Ah!

753
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,200
I'm terribly sorry. Here, let me.

754
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,200
No, no, no. My nightie!
What?

755
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,480
My nightie.
Oh.

756
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:49,800
Mr Tanner!

757
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,760
Well, I fell over her
and accidentally pulled it off.

758
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:56,280
I'm quite sure Barbara's big enough
to put it back on herself.

759
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,400
Oh, yes, she's big enough,
all right.

760
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,440
Oh.
I meant...

761
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,480
Good night.

762
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,520
You two get to bed.

763
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,560
I'll deal with you in the morning.

764
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,480
I'll fix that old bag some day.

765
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,520
Give us a hand.

766
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:16,320
Back to Room 16
and don't hog the bed!

767
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,320
Dr Soaper's coming.

768
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,680
Here, I've got an idea. Come here.

769
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,160
Off to beddy-byes now, girls.
Get a good night's sleep.

770
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,600
Yes, Dr Soaper, and the same to you.
Thank you. Good night.

771
00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:39,760
Oh!

772
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,400
Matron, this is the men's.

773
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,120
Go away, Dr Soaper!
I'm sorry.

774
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,040
No, Matron, I assure you,
the mistake is yours.

775
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,080
It's quite clearly marked...

776
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,080
Oh. Oh, I...

777
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,600
Dr Soaper, I must confess,
I'm not an expert in these matters,

778
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,400
but I hardly think a shower stall
is a suitable place
for making advances.

779
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:05,440
I thought
I'd got hold of the shower tap.

780
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,280
I mean...
Oh!

781
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,320
But, Matron, I...

782
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,160
Come on, girls,
everything's ready for you.

783
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,840
Oh! Oh, it's lovely and cosy,
isn't it, Anthea?  Lovely.

784
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,600
Worth waiting for, weren't it?

785
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,440
Beds are all made up, there's a
light and hangers for your clothes.

786
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,480
That's in case you want to go out.

787
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,480
(METALLIC CRASH)
And that's in case you don't.

788
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:38,040
Well, you have done it nice
and there's so much room.

789
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,520
Yes, you could get four in there
easy...

790
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,560
if you had to.

791
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,920
Yes, well,
let's put up the other tent.

792
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,320
Do you have to?
You're soaking wet already
and it's started to rain again.

793
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,040
We've got to kip somewhere.

794
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,040
Yes, I suppose so.

795
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:56,480
(THUNDER CRACKS)
What's a drop of pleurisy, anyway?

796
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,360
Night, Bernie.
Hey, wait!

797
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,240
Look, I've had an idea.
Yes?

798
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:03,200
Well, it seems silly to get wet again
putting up the other tent.

799
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,520
That's exactly what we thought. So?

800
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,040
So, why don't you both sleep
in the car?

801
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,120
(HUMMING)

802
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,440
Would you please stop barging?

803
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:25,360
I'm sorry, I'm trying to get my sock
off and I can't find the top.

804
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,080
That's my leg, Mr Muggins.

805
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,120
Oh, sorry.

806
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,720
It was my fault. I was too close.

807
00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:33,760
W-w-what are you...?

808
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,640
Would you mind, please?

809
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,480
It's so difficult when you're...

810
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:42,600
It'll be much better
when I get my pants off.

811
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,240
Mrs Potter...
Mm?

812
00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:48,360
You're getting mine off.
Good heavens! I'm terribly sorry.

813
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,400
There's so little room in here.

814
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,440
Oh!

815
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,480
Oh, just a minute.

816
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,920
Ooh! You keep pushing.
Would you...

817
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:03,440
Would you please
get out of my pyjamas?

818
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:04,760
I can't move.

819
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:08,600
Mr Potter!
Mr Muggins!

820
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,640
Ooh, what's happening?

821
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,040
Oh, Mr Muggins, please!
You've made a mistake.

822
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,600
I know you didn't mean...really.

823
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,320
Do you mind?
No, it was silly of me.

824
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,880
Keep it to yourself.
I've got my own, you see?

825
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,920
(THUNDER CRACKS)

826
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:26,960
Oh! There you are.

827
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,360
That's not the other bed,
that's the rubber dinghy.

828
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,920
Eh?  A real bargain that was.
Self-inflating an' all.

829
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,320
What do we want
a self-inflating rubber dinghy for?

830
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,200
We'll need it
when we get to the beach.

831
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,560
If we get much more of this rain,
we'll need it here.

832
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,640
Get your sopping clothes off my bed.
Get up!

833
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,680
Sorry.

834
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:44,840
Evening.

835
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:48,720
Ah!

836
00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:50,760
Try this way. Turn over here.

837
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:54,000
Ah, that's it.
Ah-ha! Well done. That's fine.

838
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,560
You'll be all right there,
Mr Muggins.

839
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,120
Thank you. I only hope
I didn't disturb you too much.

840
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,960
Oh, no. Not at all.

841
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,000
Good night, all.
Night.

842
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,000
Good night, Mrs Potter.

843
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,320
Er, excuse me,

844
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,160
I think you'd better have my cot.

845
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:14,840
I'll sleep in the middle.

846
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,880
All right.

847
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:18,920
(HUMMING)

848
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,000
Um, um...

849
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,040
You've got my sleeping bag.

850
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,080
You are kind.

851
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,600
Night.

852
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,480
(MUMBLES DISCONTENTEDLY)

853
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,600
Girls! Get back to your room.

854
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,640
I want no more trouble tonight.

855
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,680
Yes, Matron.

856
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,520
You stay here and keep watch.

857
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,520
(HUMMING)

858
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,000
(HUMMING)

859
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,960
Move over!
Ah!

860
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,880
Ah!

861
00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:59,280
BOTH: Dr Soaper!

862
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,920
(THUNDER CRACKS AND RAIN POURS)

863
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,960
(SNEEZES)
Bless you.

864
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,000
And you.

865
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:16,480
Bernie, it's raining.

866
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,520
Hang on a minute.

867
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:23,920
Thank you.

868
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:27,080
Now for Gawd's sake,
let's get some sleep.  I'm ready.

869
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:30,200
What about the light?
OK.

870
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,240
What are you doing?

871
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,080
(SPRINGS BOING)

872
00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:46,000
Oh, come on out, quick, Anthea,
it's a smashing day.

873
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,040
Ooh, yes, it's lovely.

874
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,480
Where are the boys?

875
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,320
(SNEEZES)

876
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,360
Oh!

877
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,800
What did you want to do that for?

878
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:03,960
Right. Let's go.

879
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:07,200
Darling, is it quite fair on
Mr Muggins to leave him like this?

880
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,720
Yes. Now stop talking
and get out of here.

881
00:50:25,240 --> 00:50:27,280
Ah, there you are.
Good morning, girls.

882
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,120
BOTH: Good morning, Dr Soaper.

883
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,160
Hurry up now. The coach is waiting.

884
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,640
Sorry we busted in on you like that
last night, sir.

885
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:35,440
I hope we didn't ruin things for you.

886
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:39,160
Not at all. It was just
a misunderstanding over the room
numbers, you understand.

887
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,680
Of course, sir.
I wonder how it could have happened.

888
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,800
The doors were all marked
so clearly, sir.

889
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,720
No harm done.
I was only in there for a bit.

890
00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:48,240
Of course, sir.
No harm in a bit now and then.

891
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:54,560
Good morning, Matron.
I was just explaining to the girls
about last night.

892
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:56,600
No, please don't say anything more.

893
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,640
I fear I owe you an apology.

894
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,080
Not at all. You weren't to know
I was in the wrong room.

895
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:05,280
Oh, no, please.
I have been thinking about it.

896
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,280
I should never have screamed out
like that.

897
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,800
It was most immature of me.
Oh, I wouldn't say that...

898
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:11,520
What?!

899
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:14,400
You see, I've always led
a very sheltered life.

900
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:19,280
And before this, no man has ever
tried to force his attentions on me.

901
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,200
I can well believe it.
All the same...

902
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:22,920
But I am not a child.

903
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:27,960
I am aware that a man
has these uncontrollable urges

904
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:30,720
from time to time.
Only at Christmas and bank holidays.

905
00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:32,960
I should really feel very flattered

906
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,520
that you would want
to release them on me.

907
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,240
But I don't, Matron, I assure you.

908
00:51:37,240 --> 00:51:41,600
Oh, I realise, of course,
it was the sight of me in the shower

909
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,520
that aroused
your slumbering manhood.

910
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,840
Oh, but it wasn't slumbering,
it was only half...

911
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:51,360
No, please don't say any more!
Just be patient with me.

912
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:55,840
Remember, I am inexperienced
in such things.

913
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:58,080
Just don't rush me.

914
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:02,640
I think you'll find
it's worth waiting for.

915
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:06,880
Yes, so's Christmas, but you won't
find me stuffing your turkey.

916
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,920
(BREATHES IN DEEPLY)

917
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,280
If this is paradise, give me hell.
I will, if you don't stop moaning.

918
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,120
What have I got to be cheerful about?

919
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,120
I thought
we might come again next year.

920
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,960
Over my dead body.

921
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,680
To tell you the truth,
we were a bit worried, weren't we?

922
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:26,720
Yes.

923
00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:28,760
Worried? What about?

924
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:33,400
Oh, it's silly, I know, but we
thought all coming camping together,

925
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,280
you two boys might have tried it on.

926
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,040
That's funny.
Sid and me thought that, didn't we?

927
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:40,120
Did we?

928
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,440
How do you do, all?
Hello, Mr Fiddler.

929
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,160
What this, then?
Caught colds, have you?

930
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:48,320
Oh, no, just giving our feet
some air, that's all.

931
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:52,240
You've settled in all right, then?
Yes, very nicely, thank you.

932
00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:56,760
Look, you didn't say nothing
about putting up a clothesline.

933
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,000
Oh, don't you allow them, then?

934
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,960
It's just that it takes up
so much space.

935
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,280
That's why we have
to make a small charge.

936
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:08,240
Small charge? Oh, now, look.
Just a nominal one, mind.

937
00:53:08,240 --> 00:53:10,800
A pound?  Oh, no,
you can put four up for a pound.

938
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:11,840
Get away.

939
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:15,080
You mean to tell me, you will let us
put up one clothesline,

940
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:18,200
occupying at least ten feet of
empty air for only five shillings?

941
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,000
Ah, no. One's 7/6. Four for a pound.

942
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,640
You skinflint! You scavenger!
(HORN BLARES)

943
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,600
(HORN BLARES)

944
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:29,440
Don't worry. We'll come
to some arrangement about the line.

945
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,160
Yes, round your bloomin' neck.

946
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,480
Sid, you must not talk to him like
that.  Well, he gets on my wick.

947
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:38,720
Blimey, ten quid we spent here.
Anybody would think the bloomin'
field belonged to him.

948
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:41,440
Sid, my stew!

949
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,320
Ah!

950
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,360
That's it. Pack up. Pack up.

951
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,520
We're getting out of this joint
right now. Get the stuff up.

952
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:57,320
I say, thanks most awfully
for the lift.  That's all right.

953
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,480
Come along, girls.
Collect your bags.

954
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:01,520
This way.

955
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,560
Such charming company, too.

956
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,320
I say, could I give something
towards the petrol?

957
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,040
Well, you could give something
for all the food.

958
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,080
Ooh, but I'd be delighted.

959
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:12,760
Thank you.
Don't mention it.

960
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,720
Here you are, Sid.
Joan says to put some of
this ointment on your poor feet.

961
00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:20,040
Never mind about my feet. Get them
tents down and let's get out of here.

962
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,480
Righto.

963
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,520
Look at that!

964
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,120
What?

965
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,960
I don't think much of yours.
Oh, I don't know.

966
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:39,960
She's got lovely big...blue eyes.

967
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,640
You can have the one in the blazer.

968
00:54:46,720 --> 00:54:48,760
Well?

969
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:50,600
Well, what?

970
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,400
Well, are we leaving, or not?

971
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,200
What? A lovely cheap place
like this?

972
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,520
I don't call ten quid cheap.
Oh, shut up!

973
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:58,560
Leaving? You must be barmy.

974
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,320
That's it. Frames up first
and then canvas later.

975
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,760
And there's bedding and bunks
by the coach.

976
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:08,520
No, no, Barbara!
Tent up first, bunk up later.

977
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:11,320
Ah, that's it, girls. Very good.

978
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,520
Frames first
and then canvas over later.

979
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,560
Oh, excellent. Well done, Matron.

980
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,880
Oh, well, it is a little bit rickety,
Doctor.

981
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,920
Is it? Yes, well, of course,
it's fairly easy to get it up,

982
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,560
it's getting it to stay up,
that's what counts.

983
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:28,080
Oh, you haven't pegged it down
properly.

984
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:31,440
Oh, you must forgive me, Doctor,
I've never done it before.

985
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,480
Yes, so you told me earlier.

986
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,120
Excuse me.

987
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,680
Oh, Doctor,
I suppose you haven't room for me?

988
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:41,000
Room for you?  Yes. You see,
I happen to have lost my tent.

989
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,720
My dear man, these tents
are all for young girls.

990
00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:45,760
Oh, well, I'm not fussy.

991
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:47,800
Well, I am.
Oh.

992
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:49,880
What about the little one
at the far end?

993
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:51,920
That, sir, is MY habitat.

994
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:55,440
Oh, I do beg your pardon. Do you
know, I thought that you and she...

995
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,440
Certainly not!  Oh, in that case,
I don't mind sharing with her.

996
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,160
Well, you're certainly not fussy.

997
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:03,920
Here we are again, Mr Fiddler.

998
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:05,720
Welcome back, Mrs Potter, Mr Potter.

999
00:56:05,720 --> 00:56:07,560
Oh, thank you.
Did you get our booking?

1000
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:09,720
Ah, yes.
Now about that, Mrs Potter...

1001
00:56:09,720 --> 00:56:11,840
I've got a bit of a shock.

1002
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,480
You mean, there's no room?

1003
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:16,760
Oh, no, I can always manage to
squeeze old customers in all right.

1004
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:17,960
Oh.

1005
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:23,320
It's just that overheads have gone
up so much since you were here last.
I've had to...

1006
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:25,520
How much more this year, Mr Fiddler?

1007
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:26,960
A pound.

1008
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,000
Oh, we quite understand.

1009
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:31,040
You might, I don't.

1010
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:34,240
Just what overheads do you have,
Mr Fiddler? It's only a field.

1011
00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:36,280
To you, Mr Potter, maybe.

1012
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:39,120
Take that grass,
it don't grow by itself, you know.

1013
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,160
It has to be manured regular.

1014
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,320
And manure's gone up
by ten pound a load now.

1015
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,560
Sounds a real bargain to me,
Mr Fiddler.

1016
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:48,600
What is it? Second-hand?

1017
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,120
Mrs Potter, hello!

1018
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,960
Mrs Potter, I'm coming.

1019
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:54,720
Oh, look, darling.
Look, it's Mr Muggins.

1020
00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:58,680
Yeah, well, your problems are solved,
Mr Fiddler.

1021
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:01,400
At least, you won't have to buy
any more manure.

1022
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,200
Supper's ready.
Good. I'm starving.

1023
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,920
Where are the boys?

1024
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,080
It's awfully sweet of you
to help us like this.

1025
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:12,360
It's nothing.
It's a pleasure, isn't it, Bern?

1026
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:15,800
Oh, yeah. Especially when
you're as well-equipped as you are.

1027
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:18,960
Thanks for the compliment.

1028
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:22,640
No, I meant with camping equipment.
Don't spoil it.

1029
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:25,960
Are you two here on your own?
Oh, no, we've got our girlfr...

1030
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:27,280
Ow!
Sorry.

1031
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:30,240
Were you going to say
you've got girlfriends with you?

1032
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:33,680
No, he always calls them that.
They're relations, actually.
Aunties.

1033
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:37,280
Oh, well, then, they won't mind
you being with us, will they?

1034
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,320
Mind? They'll be tickled pink.

1035
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:44,520
Remember, girls, the camp perimeter
lights go out at ten o'clock

1036
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:47,480
and I don't want to see any of you
outside your tents after that.

1037
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:51,440
There'll be usual PT at seven thirty,
followed by breakfast at eight,

1038
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:56,160
and then I'll be taking you all
on a lovely nature ramble.

1039
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:58,000
Lunch at one o'clock,

1040
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,920
and then I'll be giving a lecture
on birdsong and the calls of nature.

1041
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,840
All right. I'll show you once again.
Are you watching?

1042
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:07,560
Right. Here we go now.
Now you see it, now you don't.

1043
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,920
That's it.  Wrong again.
That's three kisses you owe me.

1044
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,840
What is going on here?

1045
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:18,560
Oh, um, these two gentlemen
have been kindly helping us
with our tents, sir.

1046
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,560
Yes, very nice, but you mustn't let
them take advantage of you.

1047
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:25,080
Oh, no, we'll try not to, sir.
I'm talking to the gentlemen.

1048
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:27,240
We're only too happy
to be of assistance.

1049
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:31,280
It's very kind of you,
but I'd like to see you get
everything organised inside the tent.

1050
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:34,360
That suits us.
I was talking to the girls.

1051
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:35,920
Bunks and bedding.

1052
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:38,600
Oh, yes, well,
Jane's just gone to get hers, sir.

1053
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,080
And it's high time you got yours.

1054
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,080
And I was talking to the girls.

1055
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:46,040
Come on, Fanny,
we'd better get cracking.

1056
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:56,360
You don't want to take that.
It's too heavy.
You might do yourself an injury.

1057
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:57,920
That's all right. I can manage.

1058
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,480
Can you? Go and get some more
for the others.

1059
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,480
Here, what are you doing in here?

1060
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,880
We've come to give you
a couple of hands, that's all.

1061
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,520
If Dr Soaper sees you here,
we'll get into awful trouble.

1062
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,680
We've just got to make sure
he doesn't see us, haven't we?

1063
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,120
Well, it must go together somehow.

1064
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:22,320
Well, hurry up, before someone comes.

1065
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,080
Perhaps you have to pull something.

1066
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,040
How about those two things
sticking out in front?

1067
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,080
Yeah, how about them!

1068
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:31,760
Oh, saucy!

1069
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:34,680
(LAUGHTER)

1070
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,720
BABS: Come on.
How much longer are you going to be?

1071
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:42,280
BERNIE: Sorry, but
it's not going to work like this.

1072
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,360
We'll have to try it
the other way round.

1073
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:48,360
SID: Stop messing around, you two.
Give us the bed.
Let me and Babs show you how.

1074
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:51,240
What do you want me to do?
Grab hold of this.

1075
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:53,280
SID: No. Both hands.

1076
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:59,760
Oh, it's all right.
It's only your aunties.

1077
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,360
(COCK CROWS)

1078
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:06,880
(SNORES HEAVILY)

1079
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,920
(SNORING CONTINUES)

1080
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,200
(COCK CROWS)

1081
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:27,480
(SNORES)

1082
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:35,480
(COCK CROWS)

1083
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:43,480
Bend, bend, bend, bend, bend, bend,

1084
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,720
bend, bend, bend, bend,

1085
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:48,480
bend, bend, bend, bend,

1086
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,760
bend, bend, bend, bend,

1087
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:54,600
bend, bend, bend, bend, bend, bend.

1088
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:56,880
And up!

1089
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,880
And down.

1090
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,800
And up!

1091
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,360
And down.

1092
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:06,240
And up!

1093
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,160
And down.

1094
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,040
Now, really touch those toes,
Barbara.

1095
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,680
And up!

1096
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,240
And rest.

1097
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:16,280
Now, legs astride.

1098
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:20,000
Arms flinging from side to side.
Begin.

1099
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,680
And fling! And in.

1100
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:24,720
And fling! And in.

1101
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:26,960
And both arms fling!

1102
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,360
Now, really let's see those chests
come out.

1103
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:32,040
And fling! And in.

1104
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:33,360
And fling!

1105
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,600
And in. And fling!

1106
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:43,120
Ooh, Matron, take them away!

1107
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,080
Ah!

1108
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,280
If you were a gentleman,
you'd close your eyes.

1109
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:52,680
DR SOAPER: Stop laughing!

1110
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:54,880
Now that Barbara's fallen out...

1111
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,160
Stop laughing!

1112
01:01:57,160 --> 01:01:59,560
We will continue. Hands on hips.

1113
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,040
Bending from side to side. Begin.

1114
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,400
Bend, bend, bend, bend, bend.

1115
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:08,240
Bend. That's enough for today.

1116
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,760
After you've all had a shower
and breakfast,

1117
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:14,600
you'll be pleased to hear
I've been able to arrange
a lovely outing for you all

1118
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:18,840
to the famous mineral drink-producing
monastery at Standfast,

1119
01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:22,360
where you can actually see the monks
making their own water.

1120
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:25,280
Dismiss.

1121
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:31,760
Oh, you're up already, dear.
Are you ready for some breakfast?

1122
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:33,800
I am. Did you have a good night?

1123
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:35,840
Oh, not bad.

1124
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,400
One of the girls from across the way
came over,

1125
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:41,440
and dragged me out of the tent,
took me into the woods.

1126
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:43,360
I'm afraid it's only eggs
this morning.

1127
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:46,920
Mr Muggins finished all the bacon
last night.  How surprising.

1128
01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:49,280
Did you sleep well, dear?
Not very, no.

1129
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:51,920
You see, this girl kept waking me up
to make love to her.

1130
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,640
Oh, poor Mr Muggins.
You know, he does need feeding up.

1131
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:57,360
Harriet!
What's the matter, dear?

1132
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:01,080
Don't you think it's time Mr Muggins
got another tent to himself?

1133
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:04,920
Oh, darling, we couldn't chuck him
out like that. He's so helpless.

1134
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:06,960
You mean hopeless.

1135
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:10,040
You're just a bit grumpy
this morning.

1136
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,600
Perhaps you had a bad night?
No, not really, no.

1137
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:16,360
Mind you, it got a bit rough
when the rest of the girls
came across and joined us.

1138
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:18,200
I just couldn't satisfy them.

1139
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:20,800
You know, I wouldn't have minded
a bit of that myself.

1140
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:24,200
A bit of what?
That bacon. Pity he finished it.

1141
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:31,920
Frustrated? What do you mean,
you feel frustrated?

1142
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:35,120
What did Fiddler say to you
yesterday when you asked for eggs?

1143
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:37,160
He said he was not getting any.
Exactly.

1144
01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:39,920
It's six days now and those birds
are ready to be friendly.

1145
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:43,160
They're friendly, but Mr Fiddler
says they're just not laying.

1146
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:45,200
Not the bloomin' chickens!

1147
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:47,280
I mean, Babs,

1148
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:48,840
and the other.
Fanny?

1149
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:50,160
Yeah, that's it.

1150
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:53,040
Maybe if we could get hold of 'em...

1151
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:55,080
Yes, but how? How?

1152
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:58,280
With those four beady eyes
watching us?

1153
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:03,480
Morning.

1154
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:06,240
Hurry, girls. No dawdling.

1155
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:11,680
See that?
They gave us a little wave.

1156
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:13,320
Yeah, fat lot of good that'll do you.

1157
01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:15,200
Pity we don't share
the same ablutions.

1158
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:17,240
Yeah.

1159
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:19,560
Get your wash things.

1160
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:22,160
I had a wash yesterday.
You'll have another one today.

1161
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:25,640
But I'm on holiday!
Oh, come on.

1162
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:27,680
This way, girls.

1163
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:45,400
Hello, there.
Hello.

1164
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,240
(WHISTLES)

1165
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,480
What are you doing?
We haven't come here to wash.

1166
01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:52,240
But you said I was going to have
another...  Sh!

1167
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:56,960
What are you up to?  They can't stop
us talking through the wall.

1168
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,560
Hey, hurry up, Barbara.

1169
01:04:59,560 --> 01:05:02,640
Oh, just a minute.
I've only just got in here.

1170
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:06,200
BABS: "Of course, sir.
Sorry, we busted in on you
like that last night, sir."

1171
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,320
I can hear her
just the other side of the wall.

1172
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,120
Who?
Babs, I think.

1173
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:11,720
Hey, look!

1174
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:16,000
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie.

1175
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,040
You'll break out in boils.

1176
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:22,200
It's Babs. I recognise the dimples.

1177
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:25,000
Hey, Babs!

1178
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,920
It's me. Sid Boggle.

1179
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:30,880
Can you hear me?

1180
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:34,280
Only just.
You'll have to speak up a bit.

1181
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:37,800
I was wondering if
we could meet up somewhere tonight.

1182
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,840
Meet where?

1183
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,880
Hello?

1184
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,360
Sid, watch it.

1185
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:46,840
Hello?

1186
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:48,480
(WHISTLING)

1187
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:51,360
Sid!

1188
01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:56,760
Are you still there?

1189
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,200
Sid, are you still there?

1190
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,440
Barbara, who are you talking to?

1191
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:09,040
Ooh. Ooh, no-one, Matron.

1192
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:11,080
Come out of there immediately.

1193
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:20,400
I thought so!

1194
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:22,440
Disgusting brutes!

1195
01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:25,240
What is it? What's the matter?

1196
01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:27,280
Some man's been looking at us.

1197
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,240
Are you there?

1198
01:06:48,640 --> 01:06:50,400
Get out of here. Quick!

1199
01:06:51,960 --> 01:06:54,000
Hello, there.
Hello.

1200
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,640
Filthy beasts!

1201
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:58,680
Disgusting be...

1202
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,040
Oh! Oh! Oh!

1203
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:13,160
I've had another letter from Mum.
She's worried.

1204
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,600
Oh? What about this time?
Oh, the usual.

1205
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:19,920
"I had a nasty dream last night
about you and Anthea.

1206
01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:21,760
You were asleep in your tent,

1207
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:25,800
and these two big, lusty farm hands
broke in and cultivated
your friendship."

1208
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:27,840
Chance would be a fine thing.

1209
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,880
Anthea!

1210
01:07:29,880 --> 01:07:31,920
Ooh, I'm sorry.

1211
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,360
It just sort of slipped out.

1212
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:47,760
Ooh, look, there they are.

1213
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:59,240
Murder, isn't it? Like having an
itch and nothing to scratch it with.

1214
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:01,480
Do you really think they fancy us?

1215
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:05,720
Fancy us? Your trouble is
you don't recognise a green light
when you see it.

1216
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:08,840
I haven't had much luck
with the red ones, either.

1217
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:20,200
Where do you think you're going?
For a walk.

1218
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:23,040
On tiptoe?
I didn't want to wake you.

1219
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:25,280
Now, look, don't you kid me,
Sid Boggle.

1220
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,760
You're eyeing
those two flashy birds.

1221
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:30,280
What two flashy birds?
She means Babs and Fanny.

1222
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:32,720
Who asked you?
I was only trying to help.

1223
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:34,600
I didn't even notice them.

1224
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:37,200
You haven't stopped eyeing them
ever since they came.

1225
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,400
Can I help it if they stand
where I'm staring?

1226
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:42,920
Not content with bags
under your eyes, you want them
in front of you, as well.

1227
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:54,320
(SIGHS DEEPLY)

1228
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:00,760
(LAUGHS)

1229
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:03,520
Hello, everyone. Lovely afternoon.

1230
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:05,400
Hello, Mrs Potter. Yes, lovely.

1231
01:09:05,400 --> 01:09:07,600
I thought you ought to know
that this evening

1232
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:10,880
Dr Soaper is giving us
a lecture on bird-watching.

1233
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:12,440
Thanks. I've already had one.

1234
01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:15,160
Don't take any notice of him,
Mrs Potter. We'll be there.

1235
01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:18,320
Oh, good-oh! Seven o'clock.
In front of the latrines.

1236
01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:20,320
That should be a good atmosphere
for it.

1237
01:09:20,320 --> 01:09:24,480
I say, you haven't seen
my husband, have you?  Afraid not.

1238
01:09:24,480 --> 01:09:27,720
He seems to have disappeared.
He's a good judge.

1239
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:29,760
Come along, girls.

1240
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:31,800
Quickly now.

1241
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:33,840
Come on.

1242
01:09:35,160 --> 01:09:37,200
That's right.

1243
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:43,280
And remember, don't go asking
the monks any stupid questions,

1244
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:46,040
because they've given up talking.
And no saucy looks,

1245
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:48,800
because they've given that up, too.
Are we all ready to go?

1246
01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:50,720
Yes, Dr Soaper, all except Jane.

1247
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:53,520
She wasn't feeling well,
so I told her to stay in bed.

1248
01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:55,560
What have you done to your eye?

1249
01:09:55,560 --> 01:09:57,600
I got a fly in it.

1250
01:09:59,440 --> 01:10:02,200
There goes Dr Soaper's party now.

1251
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:05,480
I say, have you visited
Standfast Abbey?

1252
01:10:05,480 --> 01:10:06,920
Er, no.

1253
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:10,160
You should, you know.
A most extraordinary order of monks.

1254
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,280
Well, in that case, I'd rather not.

1255
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:15,360
Oh, well.
I'd better find the old pot and pan.

1256
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,480
Bye.

1257
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:20,960
She's quite right. We ought to see
everything there is to see.

1258
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:24,120
You weren't doing so badly
this morning in the ablutions hut.

1259
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:26,040
I don't know
what you're talking about.

1260
01:10:26,040 --> 01:10:27,320
No?

1261
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:30,720
All right. Get your things.
Let's go.  No, thank you.

1262
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:33,040
All right, Bernie, you and me'll go.
Where to?

1263
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:34,760
That place. Standfast Abbey.

1264
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:37,160
Oh, you mean,
where the girls have gone?

1265
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,000
Sorry.

1266
01:10:40,480 --> 01:10:42,520
Get your things, Anth.

1267
01:10:52,360 --> 01:10:57,080
(DRUNKENLY) Mr Muggins, much as
I enjoy your excellent company...

1268
01:10:57,080 --> 01:11:00,360
That's a blasted lie for a start.

1269
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:03,040
I must be completely honest,

1270
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:05,080
only polite.

1271
01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:11,000
My dear Mr Muggins,

1272
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:14,000
it's only a suggestion,

1273
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:19,480
but why don't you take your stinking
carcass out of our bloody tent?

1274
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:23,560
If only I had the nerve.

1275
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:25,560
Hello.

1276
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:27,680
Oh, hello.

1277
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,440
You're from the camping site,
aren't you?  Mm.

1278
01:11:30,440 --> 01:11:33,760
I've seen you with that funny woman
and that scrawny, little man.

1279
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:35,600
I don't like them much.

1280
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,920
Sit down and join the club.
All right.

1281
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:39,960
I like you, though.

1282
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:42,000
(GIGGLES WEAKLY)
Having fun?

1283
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:44,040
Not much.

1284
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:47,000
Oh, would you like some?
No, I don't drink.

1285
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:49,040
Pity.

1286
01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:50,880
Oh, cigarette?

1287
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:53,720
I don't smoke.
Oh.

1288
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:55,400
But we can go to my tent
if you like.

1289
01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:58,240
The others are all away.

1290
01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,960
Well?

1291
01:11:59,960 --> 01:12:02,680
Come on, then.

1292
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:06,880
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

1293
01:12:07,840 --> 01:12:09,880
(CHANTING)

1294
01:12:35,160 --> 01:12:37,760
Ooh, I like this one of the monks
doing their laundry.

1295
01:12:37,760 --> 01:12:39,200
Ooh, lovely.

1296
01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:42,440
I suppose that's where
they get rid of their dirty habit.

1297
01:12:42,440 --> 01:12:44,480
That is not very funny, Bernie.

1298
01:12:44,480 --> 01:12:46,520
Has Sid got a...

1299
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:48,560
Well, where is he? Where's Sid?

1300
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:51,600
Oh, he's just crept into the crypt
for a...smoke.

1301
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:55,520
Psst! Psst!

1302
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:00,400
How about a bit of fun tonight?

1303
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,160
Not 'alf, brother.
We'll be over after lights out.

1304
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:05,200
Bless you, my children.

1305
01:13:06,640 --> 01:13:10,280
Oh, there you are.
Where have you been all afternoon?

1306
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:13,240
I have been lying in
the arms of a beautiful girl.

1307
01:13:13,240 --> 01:13:15,400
I was getting worried.
You missed your tea.

1308
01:13:15,400 --> 01:13:17,440
Harriet!
Still, you're in time for supper.

1309
01:13:17,440 --> 01:13:19,480
Harriet!
What is it, dear?

1310
01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,600
Where is Mr Muggins?

1311
01:13:21,600 --> 01:13:23,640
Oh, he's in the tent.

1312
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:28,040
Oh, Peter, don't go in.
He's having a nap.

1313
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:32,520
Peter, what's come over you?

1314
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:34,440
Ooh!

1315
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:39,800
And stay out!

1316
01:13:41,560 --> 01:13:44,920
And now, Harriet, I'd like you
inside, please.  What for?

1317
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,960
You'll find out.
Oh.

1318
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:49,000
But what about the sup...?

1319
01:13:49,960 --> 01:13:52,680
Oh, so glad you reminded me.

1320
01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:01,120
Urgh!

1321
01:14:09,760 --> 01:14:11,800
Oh!

1322
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:17,840
Oh, Peter!

1323
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:22,280
Oh, I wonder if he's offended
about something?

1324
01:14:23,280 --> 01:14:27,440
I keep telling you, Bernie,
as soon as the lights go out,
they're coming in here.

1325
01:14:27,440 --> 01:14:29,880
What for?
A party.

1326
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:31,440
Shouldn't we get some cakes?

1327
01:14:31,440 --> 01:14:34,600
Not that kind of a party.
Bernie, we have got it made.

1328
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,760
All we've got to do is
play our cards right.

1329
01:14:36,760 --> 01:14:39,040
Oh. I hope they play rummy.

1330
01:14:39,040 --> 01:14:41,240
Forget it. Just hide the bottles.

1331
01:14:42,240 --> 01:14:45,560
Supposing Joan and Anthea find out?
They'll be asleep by then.

1332
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:48,080
But what if they hear a noise
and get up to investigate?

1333
01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:50,000
I've thought of that.

1334
01:14:50,960 --> 01:14:52,760
A needle and thread?
That's it.

1335
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:56,120
As soon as it gets dark, we nip out
and sew their tent flaps together.

1336
01:15:29,240 --> 01:15:30,280
Dr Soaper.

1337
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:33,160
Yes, what is it, Matron?

1338
01:15:33,160 --> 01:15:36,200
I must see you on a personal matter.

1339
01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:38,240
Oh, I can't come out now.

1340
01:15:38,240 --> 01:15:40,480
I'll see you in the morning.

1341
01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:45,040
Very well. If you won't come out,
I'll come in.

1342
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,080
No!

1343
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:52,680
Oh, no, you don't!

1344
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:55,440
Oh, oh, oh, no!

1345
01:15:55,440 --> 01:15:58,720
No, Matron,
I was just taking a short cut.

1346
01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:02,760
I don't know why, Doctor, but I have
a feeling you're trying to avoid me.

1347
01:16:02,760 --> 01:16:04,800
Oh, no! Whatever gave you that idea?

1348
01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:07,040
But you shouldn't be in here,
you know.

1349
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:09,360
Think of the girls.
They need watching.

1350
01:16:09,360 --> 01:16:12,120
Oh, to hell with the girls!
To hell with gir... Matron!

1351
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:15,320
I can't help it.
It's not fair to ignore a woman

1352
01:16:15,320 --> 01:16:18,400
after you've aroused
her dormant passion.

1353
01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:22,240
But I've not aroused your doormat
ration... your dormant passion.

1354
01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:24,200
Oh, but you have.

1355
01:16:24,200 --> 01:16:27,720
All my life I've been like
an unused clockwork toy,

1356
01:16:27,720 --> 01:16:30,160
and then that night at the hospital
you wound me up.

1357
01:16:30,160 --> 01:16:31,960
Now you must start me!

1358
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:34,000
Oh, I couldn't.
I might bust your spring.

1359
01:16:36,280 --> 01:16:40,320
You want to see
what's going on in the next field.
Some sort of a rave-up.

1360
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:43,360
Really?  Yes. Come on.
It's going to go on all night.

1361
01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:45,400
All night? What about the old hag?

1362
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:47,760
Oh, don't worry about her,
she's in with old sober.

1363
01:16:47,760 --> 01:16:50,920
Oh, good. Come on, girls.
Come on. There's a rave-up.

1364
01:16:52,440 --> 01:16:54,920
Quick!

1365
01:16:54,920 --> 01:16:56,960
Ooh!

1366
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:58,760
(HORNS BEEP)

1367
01:17:13,040 --> 01:17:14,600
Ooh-ooh!

1368
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:18,920
(COMEDY HORN)

1369
01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:28,920
What time is it now, Sid?

1370
01:17:28,920 --> 01:17:31,880
Oh, blimey, it's only eight o'clock.
Will you relax?

1371
01:17:31,880 --> 01:17:34,760
Eight o'clock?
Another two hours to wait.

1372
01:17:35,720 --> 01:17:38,040
I'll be worn out
by the time they get here.

1373
01:17:40,600 --> 01:17:42,240
Oh!

1374
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:44,560
You don't know how empty my life
has been.

1375
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:47,200
Before I came to your school,
I was matron at a hospital.

1376
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:50,840
There was a doctor there. He was
brilliant. He looked just like you.

1377
01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:53,840
I worshipped him, but he ignored it.

1378
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:56,920
Why whenever I show any interest
in a man, do they ignore it?

1379
01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:58,960
Why? Haven't I got appeal?

1380
01:17:58,960 --> 01:18:01,520
Yes, but so's a banana
and I don't even want that.

1381
01:18:01,520 --> 01:18:03,760
But I feel you're different, Doctor.

1382
01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:05,600
Don't you feel something?

1383
01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:07,840
No. I believe in keeping my hands
to myself.

1384
01:18:07,840 --> 01:18:11,400
But that night in the hostel,
you showed me your true feelings.

1385
01:18:11,400 --> 01:18:14,200
Now I beg you, let me show you mine.

1386
01:18:14,200 --> 01:18:16,920
But I don't want to see yours.
Don't fight it!

1387
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:19,440
Oh, help! Someone, help!
(MUSIC STARTS)

1388
01:18:19,440 --> 01:18:21,320
What's that? What's going on?

1389
01:18:21,320 --> 01:18:23,560
I don't know,
but thank heavens for it.

1390
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,680
It's in the next field.

1391
01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:11,480
Matron, they've got our girls
in there.

1392
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:12,960
Oh!

1393
01:19:20,680 --> 01:19:22,720
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, I say!

1394
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,880
Stop it. Come along, Barbara.
Stop it.

1395
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:28,080
Get back to your tent at once.
You've got no right to be here.

1396
01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:31,200
I'm not having any of this.
We're only dancing, sir.

1397
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:34,480
Come along. Get back to your tent.
How dare you behave in this manner?

1398
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:39,760
It's not my fault.
It's Farmer Giles's field and he's
given permission for them to use it.

1399
01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:42,040
But we can't stand that row
all night.

1400
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:43,720
How are we going to get any sleep?

1401
01:19:43,720 --> 01:19:47,080
From what I hear, you wasn't
reckoning on doing much sleeping.

1402
01:19:47,080 --> 01:19:49,440
The point is
what are we going to do about it?

1403
01:19:49,440 --> 01:19:51,640
I can't have my wife upset
by that noise.

1404
01:19:51,640 --> 01:19:54,640
You think she's upset. You should
see what it's done to my hens.

1405
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:57,800
I couldn't care less about them.
Never mind your bloomin' hens!

1406
01:19:57,800 --> 01:20:01,960
Look, just a minute. If you really
want to get rid of them,
I think I know how we can do it.

1407
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:04,720
The girls are all back now, Doctor.
How are you feeling?

1408
01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:07,560
I'm all right.
I'm just a bit shaken up, that's all.

1409
01:21:35,480 --> 01:21:37,520
(SCREECHING)

1410
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:18,120
Come on.

1411
01:22:20,960 --> 01:22:23,680
They're going.
(CHEERING)

1412
01:22:26,520 --> 01:22:29,120
Bernie, we can get on with
that our party of ours now.

1413
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:34,800
That'll teach them. I wish the girls
could see this now, Matron.

1414
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:36,840
(CHEERING)

1415
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:41,360
The girls are in that truck! Stop!
Stop, I say!

1416
01:22:44,360 --> 01:22:46,400
Hey, they've taken all the girls.

1417
01:22:46,400 --> 01:22:48,480
What all of them?
Every flamin' one.

1418
01:22:52,440 --> 01:22:54,560
Quickly, Matron,
we must go after them.

1419
01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:57,200
Whoo-hoo!

1420
01:22:57,200 --> 01:22:59,560
Peter, look,
they've stolen our tandem.

1421
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:02,560
Stop! Come back, I say!

1422
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:05,040
Stop! I'll report you to the board!

1423
01:23:05,040 --> 01:23:07,240
Stop! Do you hear?

1424
01:23:07,240 --> 01:23:08,280
Good.
What?

1425
01:23:08,280 --> 01:23:10,640
We won't need it when
we go to Monte Carlo next year.

1426
01:23:10,640 --> 01:23:12,200
Monte Carlo?
That's right.

1427
01:23:12,200 --> 01:23:14,920
We'll go on the ferry...
with all the camping equipment.

1428
01:23:14,920 --> 01:23:16,560
Oh, what a good idea!

1429
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:20,160
And when we're halfway across,
we'll dump the whole damned lot
over the side.

1430
01:23:20,160 --> 01:23:22,200
Oh, Peter!

1431
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:24,240
Anything you say, darling.

1432
01:23:26,200 --> 01:23:29,880
Oh, well, there goes our party.
What party?

1433
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:32,360
Babs and Fanny were coming over
to our tent and...

1434
01:23:32,360 --> 01:23:33,880
Big mouth.

1435
01:23:33,880 --> 01:23:38,040
I don't know what you're bothering
with them for when you've got us.

1436
01:23:38,040 --> 01:23:39,880
You mean, you'll let me...

1437
01:23:39,880 --> 01:23:43,320
Unless, of course,
we don't appeal to you in that way.

1438
01:23:45,160 --> 01:23:47,200
Let's go to your tent.

1439
01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:49,240
Come on!

1440
01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:57,920
You're not going to be sick again,
are you?

1441
01:23:57,920 --> 01:23:59,960
Only if you stop that.

1442
01:23:59,960 --> 01:24:01,640
Oh, Bernie!

1443
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,160
Cooee!

1444
01:24:05,160 --> 01:24:07,360
Cooee!

1445
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:09,400
Oh, no!
Oh, my Gawd!

1446
01:24:09,400 --> 01:24:11,760
Oh, Anth!

1447
01:24:14,480 --> 01:24:18,200
I've been so worried about you,
I thought I'd better come
and keep an eye on things.

1448
01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:20,520
Very thoughtful.
Hello, Mother.

1449
01:24:20,520 --> 01:24:21,560
(BLEATS)

1450
01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:24,440
Well, aren't you going to ask me in?
Look!

1451
01:24:24,440 --> 01:24:26,840
Ah!

1452
01:24:26,840 --> 01:24:28,640
Oh, Gawd!

1453
01:24:31,120 --> 01:24:33,160
Oh, dear, the ram's loose.

1454
01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:38,200
That's not the only one!

1455
01:24:43,280 --> 01:24:45,320
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