On the day I was born
Said me father, said he
''I've an elegant legacy Waiting for ye
'Tis a rhyme for your lip And a song for your heart
To sing it whenever The world falls apart''
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
'Twas a sumptuous gift To bequeath to a child
For the lure of that song Keeps me head runnin' wild
'Tis a rhyme for me lip And a song for me heart
And I sing it whenever The world falls apart
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
So I bundled me heart And I roamed the world free
To the East with the light To the West with the sea
And I searched all the earth And I scanned all the skies
But I found it at last In my own true love's eyes
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
Follow the fellow Follow the fellow
Follow the fellow
Who follows a dream
Eureka!
- Sharon, come quickly. - What is it now, Father?
We're here. lt's journey's end. Our destination at last.
Thank heaven. Now l can sit down.
No, you can't sit you down. lt's the hill beyond yon hill.
l've been hearing about the hill beyond yon hill ever since we left Ireland.
Keep your distance. Don't crowd around. Clear the way.
- Step aside. - What's going on here?
- They're gonna have an auction. - A what?
They're gonna have it today.
You gonna get this auction started now or ain't you?
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Now, wait a minute!
You can't have an auction without first talking to Susan Mahoney.
- Why not? - Henry, go get Susan.
Because her brother owns this property, that's why not.
I beg your pardon.
The law states this property belongs to anybody who can pay the back taxes.
- And that's me. - You mean, Senator Rawkins has it.
- You're just his stooge. - And Woody don't like stooges.
- Who's Woody? - He's Susan's brother.
He's nothing but a troublemaking con man.
He is not. Woody's president...
...and general sales manager of the Rainbow Valley Tobacco Cooperative.
Incorporated.
- What's that? - Us!
- They're sharecroppers. - Sure are.
That's how we'll all get rich together.
Woody promised me personally.
- Susan's trying to tell you something. - I'm listening.
- What she say, Henry? - She says Woody's coming.
- Woody. - Woody?
- l didn't hear her say anything. - Naturally, she was born silent.
One of the few women ever was.
Sure, mister. She don't do ''talk'' talk. She does foot talk.
Foot talk? That's ridiculous.
- What's she saying now? - She says you gotta wait for Woody.
He's bringing the money.
Quiet!
- Tax sale gonna start now. - lt's all right. Woody's coming.
Woody's coming.
Woody's coming. Woody's coming. Woody's coming.
It's my duty to protect the people of Rainbow Valley.
- Who from? - From the people of Rainbow Valley.
Hear ye, hear ye.
We can't be bothered with the mortgage man--
This time of the year!
You'll be sorry interfering with the law.
For spring don't care About the mortgage man
This time of the year
I'm giving you your last chance to get back your land.
The dandelions in the dusky dell Don't give a hoot in hell
- They're gonna smell without collateral - This time of the year
- This time - This time of the year
- Sweet merry buds and elderberry buds - Don't give a good ding-ding-dang
Corn's shooting up Fruit trees a-fruitin' up
Go tell Rawkins to go hang-hang
Don't mess around here
This time of the year
You'll get it in the rear
This time of the year
Magnolia's are sentimental Persimmons are queer
Keep your distance, now. Give way, there.
You hear me? l said, keep your distance.
Don't easily skeer
They sprout without real-estaters This time of the year
That choo-choo's comin' And it's mighty clear
Woo, woo, Woody's here
He's up there ridin' with the engineer Yes, Woody's here
Just look at that choo-choo puffin' Let's give it a mighty cheer
Just look at that engine huffin' Dang blast it all, Woody's here
Woody's here!
Get a load of that whistle blowin' That whistle is good to hear
It's wantin' you to be knowin' Dang blast it all, Woody's here
Woody's here!
And to think l let you whisk me out of lreland...
...across an ocean and down a continent...
...in the sweet, green month of April. And for what?
For a beautiful new life in a beautiful new land.
- We came here to cure your arthritis. - Aye, that too. That too.
Well, it's me that's cured of your arthritis.
lt's all mythical, and so is that cure place for it called Rainbow Valley.
Now you've gone just a bit too far.
Here l have it on me map, witnessed and endorsed by Rand and McNally.
l don't know who Rand is, but l could never trust a McNally.
But you can always trust a McLonergan.
Behold, that mythical land called Rainbow Valley.
Sharon, shake hands with a millionaire.
- A millionaire? - A multimillionaire.
- Now what's happened to your arthritis? - That's for the poor.
l knew you were up to something. Now, will you stand still and listen to me?
l can't. l can't. Oh, no.
Ever since l was 2, you've been seeing leprechauns...
...and rainbows over your whiskey jug.
Now, what pixified fancy of yours has really brought us to America, huh?
You'll love it here. You'll have everything you left behind in Glocca Morra.
You hear that?
What did l tell you? The same skylark music we have back in lreland.
- Aye, a Glocca Morra skylark. - Aye.
I hear a bird
A Glocca Morra bird
It well may be he's bringin' me A cheerin' word
I hear a breeze
A River Shannon breeze
It well may be It's followed me across the seas
Then tell me please
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that little brook still leapin' there?
Does it still run down to Donny Cove
Through Killybegs, Kilkerry and Kildare?
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that willow tree still weepin' there?
Does that laddie with the twinklin' eye Come whistlin' by
And does he walk away Sad and dreamy there
Not to see me there?
So I ask each weepin' willow
And each brook along the way
And each lad that comes a-whistlin'
''Too-ra-lay''
How are things in Glocca Morra...
... these fine days?
Oh, now, Father, why are you crying?
Oh, it's that cheap lrish music.
Where is everybody?
- Hello? - Hello?
Where are all the children?
What the devil?
He's up there ridin' with the engineer Yes, Woody's here
Someone's coming. You better get up in that tree and take a look.
Don't easily skeer They'll sprout without real-estaters
This time of the year
lt's only the folk who live here.
America's full of gangsters, you know.
You said it was full of millionaires.
Don't argue.
Can't be bothered With the mortgage man
This time of the year
Here. Take this.
The spring don't care About the mortgage men
This time of the year
lt's-- lt's gold.
- Aye. lt's a pot of gold. - And you stole it.
- l never stole it. l borrowed it. - But...
...who did you borrow it from?
- Why do you want to know? - So we can lend it back.
- lt's impossible. - Why not?
Because he's not mortal.
- You killed him. - Of course not.
He never was mortal. He's a leprechaun.
A leprechaun?
Aye. Who else would have gold in lreland?
They sprout without real-estaters This time of the year
Now that Woody's here
Now, don't think that this is gonna stop the auction.
You gonna pay them off?
Hey, Howard. You watch me.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
You ain't making a burlesque of the law.
Why not? That's where the law spends most its time.
Seen him in the front row last Monday night, Woody.
- Bet you did. - Ain't true! Ain't true!
Quiet! This is an unlawful assembly.
Then this unlawful assembly is gonna have to come to order.
All right.
Read it.
''Rainbow Valley parcel lot seven...
...is hereby up for auction for default of back taxes...
...in the amount of $ 777.''
- $ 777 going once! - Yes!
- $ 777 going twice! - Yes!
- $ 777 going three times! - Yes!
Sold! To the Rainbow Valley Tobacco Cooperative lncorporated.
Yeah. That's old Woody.
This covers it, except:
''Service charges, notary services...
...penalty and penal points, convertible debentures...
...miscellaneous and sundry add-on interest.''
Another $ 77.
No, it never said nothing about this in that bill you sent to my sister Susan.
Well, that's how it is with interest. Don't make a sound.
- Just keeps compounding. - Ain't you got the balance of the money?
- l figure l'm good for it. - Cash.
All right, come on, sheriff.
Wait a minute.
Give me a chance to get my money back on this guitar.
lt's too late for that.
Money don't grow on trees, you know.
lt does for Woody.
Hey, Buzz, say hello to Rawkins!
Rawkins hears about this, we'll both be looking for new jobs.
Come on, sheriff!
Well, now. What do we have here?
- lt's an angel. - Shame on the frivolous likes of you.
lt's an lrish angel.
Your kith and kin pinning their hopes on you...
...and you go squandering your money on a music box.
l did it for them.
lt's a community guitar.
Aye, and l'm sure that's how you'll use it...
...on every girl in the community.
Daughter, that's no way to be talking to me future business partner.
Partner?
You accepted me money for back taxes, didn't you?
- l intend to pay you back. - l don't want you to.
l just want me property rights.
How much land you think you're entitled to?
An acre or so. All l really need is a parcel of land as big as me bag...
...on the closest point to Fort Knox.
We are in the vicinity of Fort Knox, are we not?
About two miles.
ln fact, on a warm night, you can smell the gold.
Have we a deal?
- Yeah! - Yeah!
- lt's a deal. - Then give me your hand, son.
- Welcome to Rainbow Valley... - Hi.
...home of the most prosperous tobacco company...
...in this state. And l'll wager that.
What's your name?
Sharon McLonergan.
- Mine's Woody Mahoney. - Mahoney. lt's fate.
How'd you get so pretty...
...and so rich?
You see, back in Glocca Morra where we come from, there's an old legend.
And it says:
You'll never grow old And you'll never grow poor
If you look to the rainbow Beyond the next moor
- That's a lovely legend. - Aye.
- Wonder who thought it up. - Me father.
Finian McLonergan.
On the day she was born
Said her father, said he
''I've an elegant legacy waiting for ye
'Tis a rhyme for your lip
And a song for your heart
To sing it whenever The world falls apart
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream''
So I bundled me heart And I roamed the world free
To the East with the lark To the West with the sea
And I searched all the earth And I scanned all the skies
But I found it at last In my own true love's eyes
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
Follow the fellow...
Follow the fellow
Who follows a dream
Bye.
Father?
Now, what would you be doing up at this hour?
l'm taking care of you.
Any time the moon is full, a McLonergan will be too.
You go back to bed.
Where are you going with that bag and shovel?
Now, will you leave me be if l tell you?
Aye.
Then let me ask you this.
What do you think makes America different from lreland?
Has more lrishmen.
lt has more money.
Everyone in America is rich.
But, Father, are there no poor in America?
No ill-housed and no ill-clad?
Of course. But they're the best ill-housed and the best ill-clad in all the world.
Why? Why, l ask.
And there's no man with wit enough to tell me.
So l'll tell you. Quote me self, quote.
Didn't the Americans rush to dig gold from the ground in California in 1849?
So l've heard.
And didn't they plant it in the soil at Fort Knox later?
- Granted. - Well, that's it!
You see, there's something about the soil in and around Fort Knox...
...that gives a magical quality to gold.
- Father-- - The gold radiates a powerful influence...
...throughout America. lt activates assembly lines in Detroit...
...it makes skyscrapers sprout from the gutters of New York...
...and it produces a bumper crop of millionaires. And that...
...is the McLonergan theory of economics.
And that's why we came to America?
Aye. To bury me pot of gold.
Now, you go back to bed. lt's a witching night.
Aye. Very scary place.
l'll... l'll... l'll...
One, two...
...four, five, six, seven, eight.
Green is the color of the shamrock
And the grass on Blarney Hill
Oh, the darlin' green of Ireland
And the good old dollar bill
God be with you.
God and Mary be with ye?
God, Mary and St. Patrick be with ye.
God, Mary, St. Patrick and St. Ozymandias be with ye.
- Ozymandias? l never heard of him. - He was a special saint.
He's the patron saint of all the leprechauns of Glocca Morra.
- My name is Og. - Og from Glocca Morra?
- Me native heath. - Right.
You're an imposter. You can't be a leprechaun, you're too tall!
l know, and l'm getting taller!
l need your help, Mr. McLonergan.
- Me help? - Aye.
That calls for a toast.
l rise to welcome you to America.
- How are things in Glocca Morra? - Alas, alack and willy-wally.
l weep for Glocca Morra and all lreland.
You weep? Why, what's happened?
A blight has fallen over lreland.
- The British are back. - Never seen such a curse befall a folk...
...in all me 459 years.
Alas, poor lreland.
- Poor lreland. - Poor lreland!
- Suffering lreland. - Suffering lreland!
- The native land! - Oh, me native land!
A fine lot of fairyfolk you are, letting all this happen.
Why don't you wish it away.
We lost the power.
You mean you've gone and lost the power to make wishes?
- Aye. - What has lreland to live for now?
- Answer me that. - Doom and gloom!
Doom and gloom!
- Who's the author of this foul outrage? - A monster.
- A monster? - Aye.
You mean the old flame-breathing type, with the head of a dragon?
Oh, no. This is a tiny, wee monster. He's about...
- ...your size. - Who is he?
Who is this monster?
Excuse me for pointing, Mr. McLonergan, but it's you.
- Me? - You brought the blight on yourself...
...when you stole our crock of gold!
The little crock that gives us all the power to wish.
Don't be superstitious, it's bad luck!
- Give it back, Mr. McLonergan. - How do you know l've got it?
Me magnetic feathers pointed you out all the way from lreland.
Feathers, who's the culprit?
Oh, me arthritis!
Give it back, Mr. McLonergan, before a great evil befalls you.
Can't you postpone your wishing a couple of months?
Gold was never meant for mankind.
lt's a fairyland metal that only fairyfolk can use.
ln the hands of a mortal, it can only bring...
...doom and gloom.
Doom and gloom!
Doom and gloom. Stop your wailing, leprechaun.
l've come to a decision. l deny your existence.
- You're a figment of me imagination. - l am?
To prove it, l'm going to walk through you.
Step aside. There, what did l tell you?
This is dreadful.
- l don't exist. - Of course not.
l'm always seeing things. Ask me daughter.
But if l don't exist, how is it l'm gradually becoming mortal?
- The saints preserve us. You are. - Aye.
So are all the other little leprechauns ever since you stole our crock of gold.
Look at me. Look! lt's crept past me ankles already.
- Can't you hold out until the winter? - l don't know.
l got a peculiar human feeling in me thighs lately.
Your thighs? Don't let it go any higher, man.
- Mary and Joseph, lreland's ruined. - Father!
- Someone's coming. - Me daughter.
And now that you're half mortal, you're indecent. Here, here, take these.
Now, you heard me, now.
You take those clothes and--
Father!
Sharon!
Mr. McLonergan!
- Father! - Sharon!
Mr. McLonergan!
- Father! - What fools these mortals be.
- Mr.-- - Father--
Father!
Now, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Oh, it's you, Mr. Mahoney.
l was looking for me father.
Not too long ago...
...they find a girl in the forest in the middle of the night...
...they'd think that she was...
...a witch.
ls that so? Well...
lf you'll excuse me, l-- l'll be saying good evening to you.
You're not afraid of the werewolves?
Werewolves?
Our valley has its legends too, you know.
Haven't you noticed how strange the sky looks?
lt is a trifle strange.
And look at the moon.
lt is a cold, full moon.
The legend of the valley:
When the sky is strange...
...and the moon is full...
...the werewolves prowl.
- Unless... - Unless?
That's a complicated part, and l know you're in a hurry.
Oh, no, Mr. Mahoney. l'd like to know the complicated part of the legend.
lt's how to make yourself immune from the werewolf.
Well, how would l be doing that?
Well...
...you have to stand very, very close to the nicest, handsomest fellow around.
That must be you.
Must be.
Then you make yourself comfortable on the grass.
Now, you blink your eyes twice...
...and keep them closed.
Now you say...
...''petrified parsley'' over and over, real fast.
Petrified parsley, petrified parsley, petrified parsley...
- Feel immune yet? - No.
Petrified parsley, petrified parsley, petrified parsley...
That's a lovely legend.
Who made it up?
l did.
I look at you and suddenly
Something in your eyes I see
Soon begins bewitching me
It's that old devil moon
That you stole from the skies
It's that old devil moon
In your eyes
You and your glance Make this romance
Too hot to handle
Stars in the night Blazing their light
Can't hold a candle To your razzle-dazzle
You got me flyin' high and wide
On a magic carpet ride
Full of butterflies inside
I wanna cry Wanna croon
Wanna laugh Just like a loon
It's that old devil moon
In your eyes
I look at you
And glory be
Something in your eyes I see
Soon begins bewitching me
It's that old devil moon
That you stole from the skies
It's that old devil moon In your eyes
You and your glance make this romance Too hot to handle
Stars in the night blazin' their light Can't hold a candle
To your razzle-dazzle
You got me flyin' high and wide
On a magic carpet ride
Full of butterflies inside
I wanna cry
I wanna croon
I want to laugh like a loon
It's that old devil moon
In your eyes
Just when I think I'm
Free as a dove
Old devil moon Deep in your eyes
Blinds me with...
- ...love - Yeah
- Howard, old buddy! - Hey, Woody!
How's the Luther Burbank of the swamp?
- Mr. Moneybags. - How you doing?
l've been waiting for you. Where you been?
Sharon, meet Howard. Howard, this is Sharon.
How do you do? Nice to meet you.
Woody, l'm glad you're here. l got the list all made out.
Fifty feet of styrene tubing, quarter inch, 250 pounds of nitrogen tripalminate--
The voice you hear is the voice of the greatest research botanist today.
He's gonna change our whole way of life...
...and he's gonna do it with these little flowers right here.
- They're all his babies. - We're doing it together.
Woody thought it up, and l'm growing them up.
l ain't nothing but a suede-shoe boy peddling tobacco.
But Howard-- Howard is the first man in history...
...to mate the mint plant with tobacco. You realize what that means.
No.
You are looking at the mentholated tobacco plant.
Here, smell.
Smell the mint-julep nicotine.
That's nice. Really smells lovely.
lt's a whole new form of tobacco life.
- lt only has one drawback. - What's that?
Well, it doesn't burn.
lt doesn't burn?
lt's worse than asbestos.
lt actually puts fires out. We're working on it.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Now that you're all back, fat with cash...
...gotta get to work. Once l rig the styrene tubing...
...l'll take the nitrogen tripalminate in powdered form--
That's what l've been meaning to talk to you about.
What's that? The styrene tubing or the nitrogen tripalminate in powdered form?
- The cash. - Yeah, what about the cash?
l got some great things going. l made some contacts you wouldn't believe.
Wait, wait. Contacts? No cash?
Not a dime.
Well, you didn't bring back any cash, l'll go out and get some.
How?
l'll get a job. Yeah.
But you've got a job, Howard. That's to make it burn. Make it burn!
ls that dedication?
Mr. Mahoney?
You're going to make plenty of money for everyone?
You bet.
Without doing a stitch of work for it?
Why not?
And is that what you call the''Mahoney theory of economics''?
No, but that's a pretty good name for it.
Why don't you grow ordinary tobacco that does burn?
Never get rich that way.
See you soon, Sharon. Hey, Howard, buddy!
Don't take that personal. He's trained to do that to anyone what ain't white.
- You're the new boy from the agency. - Yeah.
Okay, Stonewall.
Ain't l seen you somewhere?
- You worked here as a butler, didn't you? - Oh, no, no.
No, sir.
Well, you'll like working here, boy.
l've hired all of the senator's butlers for the past 10 years.
Hundreds of them. Of course, he's a little intolerant at times...
...but that's his blood pressure.
- What's your name? - Howard.
Let me see you serve that julep.
Rawkins won't like that. That's no way to serve a julep. lt's too fast.
Get some shuffle into it.
You've seen some of the new movies, like Birth of a Nation...
...and Gone With the Wind, haven't you?
- Here, George, like this. - Howard.
Yeah, okay, Jackson.
Your julep, sir. Master Rawkins, sir.
All frosted and minty...
You see, George?
Why do l have to shuffle?
Now, l don't have to explain that to you.
lt makes for kindly feelings between employer and employee.
Once more, now. Try it again. And not so fast this time.
How did you do that again?
l don't understand you, Jackson.
l mean, you don't walk or talk like you're supposed to.
You don't know how to serve a julep like you're supposed to.
You educated or something?
l'm working on my master's.
Working on your master's what?
lt's a college degree.
Now, don't mention the word''college'' around the senator. lt upsets him.
But that's beside the point. Do you want a job here, or don't you?
Yes, sir, l do.
l needs the money.
Well, that's all the more reason for you to make good here.
Then when you get your college degree, why, you got a job here for life.
- Buzz! - Oh, l'll speak to you later.
You go around back and keep practicing, hear?
- Buzz, where are you? - l'm over here, senator.
- l can't seem to see you. - lt's these columns, senator.
- They sort of get in the way. - Nonsense.
Those columns haven't moved an inch in a hundred years.
Meet me down by the glider.
Yep. Fine job you done yesterday, Buzz...
- ...buying up all that land. - Yes, sir. Bought up the whole valley.
Except one little parcel.
That'll teach them bureaucrats to stay where they belong, in Washington.
Cheap electric power.
Why don't they build their dam on the Potomac...
...instead of desecrating this heaven-given valley...
...with a lot of copper wire.
Electrocuting innocent bullfinches and sparrows.
Gentlemen...
...the festering tides of radicalism are upon us.
But before l yield up our glorious South...
...and her sister commonwealth, the U.S. of A...
...l will lay down my life.
l will do more than that. l will filibuster.
Back, you crackpots. Forward, America.
Forward to the hallowed principles of our forefathers.
Forward to the sweet tranquility of the status quo.
Forward to yesterday.
Get this dog off-- Get him off me.
Caught him dead to rights, senator. Spank on your property.
Oh, damn it, sheriff, can't you arrest a couple of chicken thieves...
...without disturbing the whole countryside?
Worse than chicken thieves this time. These are geologists from Washington.
Geologists?
Two?
- l only see one. - Senator.
This is a geological survey of the soil in this area in connection with the dam.
l don't need nobody to tell me what's on my land.
Especially one of his kind.
Look, l read the findings on this meter.
lt detected gold on your property this afternoon.
You found what on my property?
lt located an amazing concentration of gold.
The meter reacted so violently, it broke the needle.
We're sorry about that needle, but we'll reimburse you. Now...
Just where did this unfortunate needle-breaking accident occur?
Parcel lot number seven, right outside Rainbow Valley.
- Oh, my God. - What are you mumbling about, Buzz?
lnvite these gentlemen up on the veranda.
lt isn't every day we're honored with the presence...
...of two distinguished scientists from Washington, D.C.
Sorry, senator, we've got more ground to cover.
Gentlemen, l wish you'd accept my hospitality.
Senator?
That was the strip l told you about.
- What strip? - The one we couldn't buy.
Well, gentlemen, l'm sorry you gotta rush off like this...
...but you hurry back real soon, now, hear?
We couldn't buy it? Who bought it?
We found out it was a man named Finian McLonergan.
Yankee brain! Why weren't you prepared for him?
l never saw him before. He's an immigrant.
My family's been having trouble with immigrants...
- ...ever since they come to this country! - Don't you get excited!
You'll feel better when you've had your julep.
To hell with my julep! Get me a Bromo, quick.
Howard!
Howard! Bring the senator a Bromo-Seltzer, quick!
And call my lawyer. Tell him to find a loophole.
Where's that Bromo?
- Where's that Bromo, Howard? - My loophole's choking me.
Where's that Bromo?
Coming, master. Coming.
l'm coming all in there, yes, sir. Yeah, l'm coming.
Will you hurry up on that Bromo?!
You're gonna enjoy it once l get to you.
- Get him his Bromo! - Coming in there fast as l can.
- Will you hurry up with it?! - Coming right there, fix your head good.
Mercy, sure gonna make you feel like you flying.
- Please, please hurry up with the-- - Come on, Howard!
Come on!
Howard, come on!
- Please bring me my-- - Howard!
Oh, Lord, l'm coming in.
Howard! Come on, bring that! Get over here!
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that willow tree Still weepin' there?
Does that laddie With the twinklin' eye
Come whistlin' by
And does he walk away
Sad and dreamy there
- Sharon! - Aye?
- Haven't you laundered my shirt yet? - lt's coming, it's coming.
Not to see me there?
Not so hard. You'll be wringing the lrish out of the linen.
lt is the neck of the Mahoney l'm wringing.
Oh, good, good, good. Lover's quarrel. Healthy sign.
Are you sure?
l know true devotion when l see it.
l know a fine, upstanding darling of a man when l see one.
He's leaving for parts unknown this morning.
He's what? He's running out on you?
He's off to sell tobacco that doesn't burn. He's a schemer.
- You're well rid of him. - An impractical dreamer.
- lt's deplorable. - Total no-good bounder.
Get the wretch out of your mind.
- He's just like you. - Aye, a darling of a man.
Now, look. Now, just a minute. Now, don't you be crying.
A special rose...
...for your hair.
lt has magical properties.
Beautiful bride you'll be.
All by myself, or is there a man involved?
Aye, there is.
He doesn't know it, but before sundown...
...Mr. Woody Mahoney will find himself betroth-ted to you.
''Betrothed.''
Betroth-ted!
How are things
In Glocca Morra
This...
...fine...
Well, this is a pretty bucket of fish.
How would you explain these shenanigans?
- lf you won't speak, back into the well. - Oh, no! No!
So you've found your tongue. Speak up for yourself.
- Why were you hiding in that well? - l wasn't hiding.
Someone set me on fire, and l had to put myself out.
Oh, l see. Who was it put the torch to you?
A sunbeam.
- A sunbeam? - Sunbeam disguised as a fairy queen.
But you can't fool me. l know a sunbeam when l see one.
Thank you.
- You're very poetical. - Don't come too close!
l'll have to jump again!
l'm beginning to understand.
l've known that feeling myself.
- You have? - Well, only recently.
Came over me this morning, as you were sunning your hair by the brook.
ls it a warmish...
...kind of glowish, kind of peculiarish sensation?
Oh, no, it's sort of a shiverish, kind of quiverish, flibbertigibberish sensation.
- Do you feel hummingbirds in your heart? - Butterflies in my feet.
- Bees in your bonnet? - Stars in my britches.
Does it make you want to dance?
- l hadn't noticed. - And sing?
Oh, it does, it does.
Something sweet
Something sort of grandish Sweeps my soul
When thou art near
My heart feels So sugar-candish
My head feels So ginger beer
Something so darish So''I don't car-ish''
Stirs me from limb to limb
It's so terrifish Magnifish, delish
To have such an amorish Glamorish dish
We could be Oh, so bride-and-groomish
Skies could be So bluish blue
Life could be So love-in-bloom-ish
If my ish-es Could come true
Thou art sweet Thou art sort of grandish
Thou outlandish cavalier
From now on We're hand-in-handish
- Romeo - And Guinevere
Thou art so adorish Toujour l'amourish
I'm so cherchez la femme
Why should I vanquish Relinquish, resish?
When I simply relish This hellish condish
I might be mannish or mouse-ish
I might be a fowl or fish
But with thee I'm Eisenhows-ish
Please accept my proposish
You're under my skin-ish So please be give in-ish
Or it's the begin-ish Of the finish of me
What was that splash?
'Twas me, singing a duet.
A duet? By yourself?
Well, it could be, you know.
After all, l'm a witch, remember?
Train's pulling out soon.
l wanted to say goodbye.
Well, goodbye.
- What kind of a goodbye is that? - The best kind. Short, sweet and final.
How come l feel you're losing interest in me?
- Losing? Losing? - l'm going away so l can come back...
- ...and make everybody rich! - Lost!
Sharon.
We're having a party We're having a party
Oh, Finian's party we're having today
We're having a party We're having a party...
Hey, what's going on?
- What's the occasion, Mr. McLonergan? - What? Haven't you heard the gossip?
Me daughter Sharon's getting betroth-ted today.
Singing a duet with herself!
Sharon's getting betroth-ted Sharon is getting betroth-ted today
Sharon is getting betroth-ted...
l hope you won't be taking it too hard, son.
- But then you'll be leaving town anyhow. - l got a deal cooking, Mr. McLonergan--
l understand when a man's got a deal cooking.
He's got to cook it, or it won't get cooked.
On the other hand, many deals are cooked at home in your own pot...
...of gold.
- Gold? - But then again...
...what is the cold, hard metal compared to the golden hair of the girl you love?
- Nothing. - You're right.
Then tell me, why are you gallivanting all over the countryside...
...promoting and cooking deals when the lady you fancy is to be betroth-ted?
Well, who's she gonna marry?
l hope you won't be after taking it too hard.
Why should l? lt's only love.
- That's a sensible attitude. - Right.
Wait a minute! Who's the guy? Now, who is he?
Now, if l tell you, you won't be making any trouble?
l promise.
Very well.
lt was last night she met him in the forest...
...and they sang about the moon.
Mr. McLonergan, that was me.
- Well, was it, now? - Yeah.
Are you sure?
Of course! lt was me all along.
Well, that's a blessed relief.
Therefore, it's you that's getting betroth-ted today.
- ''Betrothed.'' - Oh, yes, betrothed.
Finian McLonergan.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Susan's trying to tell us something.
- What's she saying? - l can't tell. lt's a secret.
- Woody, you tell them. - Okay.
A secret, a secret She says she's got a secret
A secret, a secret A secret kind of secret
She's achin' for to shout it To every daffodil
And tell the world about it In fact, she says she will
- She says - She says
If this isn't love The whole world is crazy
If this isn't love I'm daft as a daisy
With moons all around And cows jumpin' over
There's something amiss And I'll eat my hat if this isn't love
I'm feeling like the apple On top of William Tell
With this I cannot grapple
- Because - Because
You're so adora-bell
If this isn't love Then winter is summer
Give in to summer
- If this isn't love - If this isn't love
- My heart needs a plumber - It needs a plumber
I'm swinging on stars And ridin' on rainbows
I'm bustin' with bliss And I'll kiss your hand if this isn't love
If this isn't love There's no Glocca Morra
If this isn't love I'm Zsa Zsa Gabor-a
If this is a dream And if I should wake up
Will you hear a hiss Will my face be red if this isn't love
I'm gettin' tired of waitin' And stickin' to the rules
This feelin' calls for matin' Like birds and bees and other animules
If this isn't love We're all seein' double
If this isn't love We're really in trouble
- If she's not the girl - And he's not the hero
A kiss ain't a kiss It's a crisis, man, if this isn't love
If this isn't love
He's happy to shout And to tell the world about it
And I'll kiss your hand If this isn't love
McLonergan!
How dare you come back here? Didn't l tell you you're an optical delusion?
l was ready to believe you yesterday, but not today.
- Today l've got proof. - What proof?
Does an optical illusion feel such a hungry yearning, burning inside of him?
Does an optical illusion feel the beat of the tom-tom...
...in the roaring traffic's boom in his lonely room?
You flying high and wide on a magic-carpet ride...
...full of butterflies inside?
Aye, and what's worse, smoke keeps coming out of me eyes.
You go round like an elevator lost in the tide?
That's the feeling! Day and night, night and day!
Give me your daughter.
- What's she got to do with it? - She's the one under my skin.
- Leprechaun, you're playing with fire. - l know, and the fire's winning!
l don't wanna be human. l don't wanna be human.
- lt's too inhuman. - You're neurotic.
- Who's forcing you to be human? - You are, by keeping my crock of gold!
l'm only lend-leasing it. Give me a few weeks and l'll return it with interest.
Five and a quarter little crocks.
l hope you're not using it to make wishes.
ln the hands of a mortal it's only good for three, and after it becomes dross.
The way you talk, anyone would think l never had a pot to wish on.
l'm sorry, Mr. McLonergan. l'm being a nuisance.
You're damn right you are! You're worse than that!
You're the nemesis on me premises. You're endangering me whole project.
- Where's your passport? - What's that?
l thought so. How dare you come into a free country without a passport?
l'm legal, all right. l came in as a Christmas tree.
But l'm not leaving till l see me crock!
And l'm seeing me congressman, Senator Rawkins...
...and l'm having you deported!
You're a member of a subversive, underground group...
...taking its orders from Dublin!
Woody's gettin' betroth-ted Woody is gettin' betroth-ted today
Hey, mister, did you see our rooster?
l got enough troubles of me own, thank you.
What kind of a rooster was he?
- He had pink-- - Green feet--
- And a yellow-- - Wait a minute. Wait!
- How many roosters did you lose? - One!
- One rooster, all those colors? - Yeah!
Well, now, let me see, now.
- Would this be it? - Yeah!
- He must be magic! - That's right! You get the prize.
- Do you do other magical things too? - l do, but we'll have to act very quickly.
- l need your help. Will you help me? - Yeah!
Now, listen. Somewhere hidden in the ground around here...
...is a little yellow crock.
lf any of you find it for me, you can pick anything you like...
...here in me little magic book.
That's nothing! We all have one of those.
Yes, but the difference is, from mine you can have anything you choose.
- Can l have a banjo? - Can l get a fishing rod?
- Can l have an elephant? - You can have anything you like...
- ...that's made in fairyland. - Without money?
There'll be things Plenty-ish for all-ish
Wonderish toys And magic tricks
Electrish trains And basketball-ish
Mintish drops And licorish sticks
Life will be keen-ish All Halloween-ish
And jelly bean-ish too
With ice cream and cake-ish And soda to sup
And no bellyache-ish To wakish you up
There will be Such delicious dishes
And we'll end This daffish plot
For we'll go From rags to rishes
When we find That goldish pot
There'll be chocolate custish With hot dogs and mustish
But Shears and Robustish Must firstish come through
You folks belong here?
Yeah.
You mean you all live here on this property together?
- Yeah. - This is my property, Your Honor.
McLonergan.
Now, Mr. Lonergan, l understand you got stuck...
...with this here arid, gopher-infested property a couple of days ago.
How would you like to unload it for, say, a profit of 30 percent?
- lt's the McLonergan theory giving birth. - What do you say?
l couldn't consider any propositions for six months.
You see, l'm conducting certain experiments.
Now, let me ask you, sir, just what kind of experiments?
Well, you see, Father is a mineralogist from the old country.
He can make gold sprout out of the ground.
Gold? There ain't no gold in lreland.
l myself discovered a vein our countrymen have been searching for...
...since the reign of Alfred the Thoughtless.
Who?
You never heard of Alfred the Thoughtless?
Well, he was King of Erin, following his father, Thomas the Temporary...
...who in turn was the only son of the virgin queen, Serena the Spotless.
Are you willing to sell this land or ain't you?
l'm willing and l'm wanting, but l'm waiting.
l'm sorry you said that. lt'll put me to the trouble...
...of issuing a writ of seizure on all this land.
- Here's the writ, senator. - Now, don't be crude, Buzz.
l hate to do this to you...
- ...but you've been violating the law. - Since when?
This afternoon. l just finished drafting this.
''Local ordinance number 7428.
Be it known that in the county of Rainbow Valley...
...it is a felony for members of the Caucasian and Negro races-- ''
lt would seem to me that this law could not be a legal law.
Of course it's legal! l don't know where you immigrants get these foreign ideas.
From a book the immigration officer gave us.
- Called the United States Constitution. - Haven't you read it?
l don't have time to read it, l'm too busy defending it!
l rest me case.
l wish you folks would understand our traditions. l wish--
Now, don't get in the habit of making wishes on me property!
lt's not your property. l'll thank you to get off it.
And take your black friends with you.
- l don't wanna go! - Shush, Henry.
You're saying you're taking this land from these people because they're black?
- Don't let them chase us! - Shut this kid up.
He's making me look like a bully. Sheriff, get them out of here!
You heard the senator. You folks better start packing your things.
ls Henry the wrong color?
No, of course not. He's the right color.
But there's something wrong with the world.
- l wish-- - Sharon! Sharon!
There's something wrong with the world you've made for people like Henry!
l wish you could know what that world is like.
l wish to God you were black!
l'm a son of a biscuit.
Oh, my God! What happened?
- Stonewall! - Somebody get a doctor!
Father, what have l done?
You shouldn't go around me property making wishes.
Hey, sorry, buddy, but it's that great come-and-get-it day!
- What's going on? - The senator tried to take our land away.
Then l lost me temper with him, and l shouted at him...
...and he turned black!
Don't worry. That happens every time he meets somebody he disagrees with.
He sees red, turns purple with rage and yells himself black in the face.
But we don't need to worry about him anymore.
We don't have to worry about anything anymore. We got good news!
- A telegram for Finian. - For me?
- Let me see it! - Oh, no.
This is a singing telegram.
''Dear sir, after investigating your standing in the community...
...and finding you to be a citizen of high character...
...we have taken the liberty of opening an unlimited charge account...
...for you and your associates.''
Signed,''Shears Robust Company.''
lt says,''P.S. We hear gold...
...has been discovered on your property. Congratulations!''
Gold?
- Must be a mistake here! - Mistake?
Hey, wait a minute. Hey, what about this here?
Hey, come on, hurry up!
Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Didn't you hear the telegram?
We got credit! Wait!
Credit! Hold it, you're gonna dig up this whole valley.
l've waited all my life for a break like this.
Yeah, but...
Don't you see, don't you know what credit means?
Credit means we can buy ourselves a tractor.
We can get ourselves a new planting machine, some tools...
...we can get laboratory equipment for Howard.
We can get our mentholated tobacco burning.
We're gonna make more money than you could get from digging up gold!
- He's right, you know. - All right, Woody, when?
We want it now, Woody! We want it right now.
Yeah. When?
When, Woody? When?
- When? - Yeah, Woody. When?
On that great Come-and-get-it-day
Great day
Won't it be fun When worry is done
- And money is hay - Money is hay
That's the time
Things will come your way
- Comin' our way - On that great, great come-and-get-it day
Come-and-get-it day
I'll get my gal
That calico gal
I'll get my mule
That acre of ground
'Cause the word has come
From Gabriel's horn
The earth beneath your plow Is buddin' and now it's yourn
Glory, glory!
Glory time's Comin' for to stay
- On that great, great come-and-get-it day - Come and get it, come and get it
Come and get it Come and get it
Says here
Says it in the Good Book, it says
A mighty mornin' is nigh
- Universal Fourth of July - Hallelujah
Gonna get your freedom
And pie
What a day for banjos ringin' What a day for people in overalls
Can't you hear all the angels singin'
Come and get your gravy And your two meatballs
Says here
Bells will ring in every steeple
Come and get your test On the movie screen
Come you free and You equal people
Come and get your beer And your Benzedrines
Says here
Come and get it Come and get it
- Come - There's gonna be a world shakin'
- Bread breakin' day - Breakin'
Can l have a waffle iron?
It's comin' to ya
Breakin'
Does that mean l get a new washing machine?
With your initials
Breakin'
Hey, Woody, can we have a jukebox?
Says here.
Hey, Woody, how about a helicopter?
A helicopter?
Hallelujah!
- On that great come-and-get-it day - Come-and-get-it day
Won't it be fun when worry is done And money is hay
That's the time Thing's will come your way
- On that great, great come-and-get-it day - Come-and-get-it day
My gown will be A calico gown
My feet will dance All over the town
'Cause word has come From Gabriel's horn
The earth beneath your plow is a buddin' And now it's yourn
Glory times Comin' for to stay
- On that great, great come-and-get-it - Come and get it
- Yeah! - Keep it!
- Come and get it - Yeah! Share it!
Come-and-get-it day
When the idle poor Become the idle rich
You'll never know just who is who Or who is which
Won't it be rich
When everyone's poor relative Becomes a Rockefellertive
And palms no longer itch?
What a switch!
When we all have ermine And plastic teeth
How will we determine Who's who underneath?
And when all your neighbors Are upper class
You won't know your Joneses From your...Astors
Let's toast the day The day we drink that drinkie up
But with the little pinkie up
The day on which
The idle poor Become the idle rich
When a rich man Doesn't want to work
He's a bon vivant Yes, he's a bon vivant
But when a poor man Doesn't want to work
He's a loafer, he's a lounger He's a lazy good-for-nothing
He's a jerk
When a rich man Loses on a horse
Isn't he the sport, ho-ho! Isn't he the sport?
But when a poor man Loses on a horse
He's a gambler, he's a spender He's a low-life, he's a reason for divorce
When a rich man chases after dames He's a man about town
Oh, yes, a man about town
But when a poor man Chases after dames
He's a bounder, he's rounder He's a rotter and a lot of dirty names
When the idle poor Become the idle rich
You'll never know just who is who Or who is which
No one will see
The Irish or the Slav in you For when you're on Park Avenue
Cornelius and Mike
Look alike
When poor Tweedledum Is rich Tweedledee
This discrimination Will no longer be
When we're in the dough And off of the nut
You won't know your banker From your...butler
Come on, Finian!
- Yay, Finian! - Yeah, Finian!
Go, Finian!
Let's make the switch
With just a few annuities We'll hide those incongruities
In cloaks from Abercrombie Fitch
- When the idle poor - When the idle poor
- Become the idle rich - Become the idle rich
When the idle poor
Become the idle...
...rich
What a mess!
Well, l'm busy.
You gotta clean this place up, man. lt's a firetrap.
l wish...
Do you see that?
You think this-- ?
- Are you sure? - l think...
Are you sure?!
- No. - Let's try it, come on.
l gotta admit something to you, Howard.
l never really thought this day would come, you know.
Come on.
lt burns!
You did it, Howard. You did it! You did it!
lt burns! lt burns!
- lt's gone out. Here. - No, no, no. Still burning.
lt burns, Howard...
...but it doesn't smoke.
You're kidding me.
Woody, quick! The sheriff is down by the brook!
Come on, you got lead in your pants?
Doesn't smoke?
What's going on here?
This is the DA, Woody.
You better talk respectful.
How does this concern you?
- This is my fiancée. - Well, how nice.
l'll ask you. What do you know about the whereabouts of Senator Rawkins?
Nothing, and neither does she.
There's 50 witnesses saw her do her mumbo jumbo.
And the split second she did, Rawkins turned black, disappeared.
- That's crazy talk! - Folks around here are getting nervous.
Could be dangerous.
You're supposed to keep law and order around here, not this white suit.
That's why we're conducting this preliminary investigation...
...on charge of witchcraft.
Witchcraft?
- You gotta be kidding. - Concludes Tuesday.
By which day, Rawkins had better be produced in the flesh.
l'm sorry, but we're gonna be busy on Tuesday.
- We're getting married. - Don't count on that...
...or anything else if Rawkins isn't back.
Bye!
Oh, Woody, you're grandish.
You've made me deliriously happy.
Happy?
Trouble makes you happy? Come on.
No, you make me happy.
- You don't know why, do you? - No, why?
Because you said it. And you said it all by yourself.
You volunteered it without me, without magic, without me father...
- ...twisting and tricking you into it. - What'd l say?
That l'm your fiancée, which is to say...
...l'm your love.
lt is grandish!
And we're gonna get married on Tuesday. lt's grandish.
Didn't know what l was saying.
Something came over me, like a spell come over me.
Hey, wait a minute, now.
lt ain't true, is it?
Ain't what true?
About you being a witch.
Of course it's true.
Me and my glance
Make this romance Too hot to handle
Stars in the night Blazing their light
Can't hold a candle To my razzle-dazzle
- Oh, you got me flyin' high and wide - Yeah
On a magic carpet ride
Full of butterflies inside
I wanna cry, wanna croon
I wanna laugh like a loon
It's that old devil moon In your eyes
Kiss me.
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that little stream Still a-ripplin' there?
Does the lassie With the twinklin' eye
Go whistlin' by
And does she walk away Sad and dreamy there
Not to see me there?
So I ask Each weepin' willow
And each brook--
Give me that, boy!
You don't have to grab, mister. There's plenty of apples around.
- Well, l don't see any. - Because you're mortal!
You're mortal! Mortals can never see all the apples there are to be had.
An apple here. An apple there.
Little red apples everywhere.
You must be very hungry. Would you like a sandwich?
Yeah.
Nice Virginia ham.
This is cheese! l ordered ham!
Forced to eat cheese.
- Forced to hide out like a hunted possum. - Who are you hiding from?
My associates, my people, my dog...
...my whole way of life.
- l can't show myself like this. - What's wrong with you?
Are you blind, boy?
Can't you see l'm black?
l think it's very becoming.
Well, it isn't!
l'm a white man, damn it! l'm a white man!
At least l was until a couple of days ago.
Well, that's a coincidence.
l was green a couple of weeks ago!
Don't you find the change of color interesting?
No, l don't!
And they won't get away with it. They won't get away with it!
Don't have to get so excited.
l think it's just ridiculous making such a fuss about a person's color.
Well, you don't realize what it's like being black here.
But you're human!
A rose is a rose is a rose
Despite the color of your nose
You don't understand, boy.
- You're nothing when you're black! - Nothing? Who says so?
- The law says. - Well, it's a silly law.
But is it a legal law?
Of course it's legal. l wrote it myself!
- Change it back. - How am l gonna do that?
- You said you had it changed days ago. - l said no such thing.
- Some witch wished it on me. - A witch! A witch!
- l can help you. What sort of a witch? - l didn't look her up in Who's Who!
She's bound to be in Which Is Witch. lt lists their curses and cures--
Boy, go away, will you!
l see your trouble now, mister.
You're too unfriendly.
l'm in no condition for friendship!
That witch's fault!
She gave you a new outside...
...and she should've given you a new inside.
- That's very incompetent. - Will you go away!
This will give witchcraft a bad name.
lt'll set the entire profession back 100 years.
l'll have to do something about it.
Me reputation's at stake.
l'll have to alter your personality. Stand up, please.
- Why don't you leave me alone. - This won't be too hard.
All we have to do is to broaden out that narrow mind a little...
...reduce some of that bigotry...
...and your pomposity won't show through at all.
Wait till they see you in your new spring psyche.
People will say you're in love.
Now...
Fiddle, foddle
Foil and fiddle
Cure this fuddled individual
Whirl, ye waters, and unwind
This tangled, medieval mind
Breath of bee and bluebird's wing
Make this scowling spirit sing
Balm of briar, sandalwood
Season him with brotherhood
Magic vapors, make this person
A better person
Not a worse one
He sleeps!
The cure is beginning to work!
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Oh, dem golden slippers! Oh, dem golden slippers!
Golden slippers I laid away Can't touch'em till my wedding day
Oh, dem golden slippers! Oh, dem golden slippers!
Golden slippers I laid away Until my wedding day, oh!
Oh, dem golden slippers! Oh--
Brother!
Brother, you're the voice in the wilderness.
Allow me the honor of shaking your hand.
Well, thank you, friend. lt's nice to be able to talk to somebody again.
Just whom, may l ask, do we have the unexpected pleasure of meeting up with?
Just call me Bill. You folks from around here?
- We're from around everywhere. - Yeah. We travel and we sing.
Haven't you ever heard of the Passion Pilgrim Gospeleers?
l've been out of touch with the gospel recently.
We're the prize-winningest, Gospel-singingest quartet...
...east of the Rockies!
Quartet? Why, there's only three of you.
Well, you see, brother, we suffered a casualty last night.
Yes, there was our number-four man, Russ, suddenly taken with temptation.
And in desperation, he cries out:
- ''Get thee behind me, Satan!'' - And Satan got--
- Satan pushed-- - He pushed him--
Right into the arms of a bouncing Babylonian Jezebel...
- ...from Biloxi, Mississippi. - Oh, the soul was strong...
...but the flesh was weak.
And that's why divine providence led us to you.
You may be Bill...
...but that voice inside you is Russ.
l wouldn't be a bit surprised. l had a lot of shuffling around lately.
Well, your shuffling days are over.
With your voice, we can go right on being a prize-winning quartet.
- l can make a living singing with you? - There's a handful of ways.
Either tote that barge.
- Lift that bale. - Shine that shoe.
- Or sing. - We sing.
But before we do, somebody's either gotta get buried or get married.
Over in Rainbow Valley, there's a couple just aching to be spliced.
And a $20 bill just aching to be split.
Will you join us?
Brothers, you are now a quartet!
Well, good!
Now, in preparation for this ceremony...
...we take our text from Genesis, wherein it says:
Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel.
From thence on, the history of the world is just the history of who begat who.
- Well, what do l sing in that? - You carry the big theme of this song.
You stress the word''begat'' and keep stressing it.
Can you remember that?
l got it!
- I got it - I got it
I got it
We got it
The Lord made Adam The Lord made Eve
He made them both A little bit naive
They lived as free as a summer breeze Without pajamas and without chemise
Until they stumbled on the apple trees
Then she looked at him
And he looked at her
And they knew immediately What the world was fer
He said,''Give me my cane''
He said,''Give me my hat''
The time has come To begin the begat
The begat The begat
So they begat Cain And they begat Abel
Who begat the rabble At the tower of Babel
- They begat the Cohens - They begat O'Rourkes
And they begat the people Who believed in storks
Lordy, Lordy How they did begat
- How they be-be-begat - Even more than that
When the begat Got to gettin' under par
They begat the daughters Of the D.A.R
They begat the Babbitts Of the bourgeoisie
Who begat the misbegotten VIPs
They begat They begat
It was pleasin' to Jezebel Pleasin' to Ruth
It pleased the League of Women Shoppers In Duluth
Though the movie censors Tried the facts to hide
The moviegoers up and multiplied
Lordy, Lordy How they multiplied!
- How they multiplied - How they multiplied
- Soon it swept the world - Every land and lingo
- It became the rage - It was bigger than bingo
The white begat, the red begat
The folks Who shoulda stood in bed begat
The Greeks begat The Swedes begat
Why, even Britishers in tweed begat
And Lordy, Lordy What the seeds begat!
- The Lats and Lithuanians - Begat
- Scranton, Pennsylvanians - Begat
- Strict vegetarians - Begat
- Honorary Aryans - Begat
- Startin' from Genesis - We begat
- Heroes and menaces - Begat
- Fat filibusterers - Begat
- Income tax adjusterers - Begat
- 'Twas naturaler and naturaler - To begat
- And sometimes the bachelor - He begat
It didn't matter which-a-ways They begat
Sons of habitués Begat
- So begats them all - So bless them all!
- Who go to bat - Who go to bat
And heed the call
Of the begat
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
Follow the fellow Follow the fellow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
'Twas a sumptuous gift To bequeath to a child
For the lure of that song Keeps my head runnin' wild
So I searched all the earth And I scanned all the skies
And I found it at last In my own true love's eyes
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over The hill and stream
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today--
Stand back, everybody!
- Don't want any trouble. - Just what do you want?
Miss Sharon McLonergan.
Mrs. Sharon Mahoney in a few minutes, if you don't mind.
Dearly beloved...
...we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman--
No, no, no, no, no, no!
- l got a warrant for your arrest. - On what charge?
The People v. Miss Sharon McLonergan.
- The charge is demoting! - ''Demoting''?
Demoting a member of the white race, Senator Rawkins...
- ...down to a member of the Negro race. - By means of witchcraft.
There's a law against witchcraft in this state.
Yes, l know. lt was passed in 1690!
l think it's about time we repealed that law. Right now!
Yeah!
Hold it! Hold it, l said!
Arrest that witch.
All right, Bill.
- Do your duty. - Sure thing.
All right, come and get me, then!
Arrest her, Sam! Arrest her!
- Arrest her, Sam. - Well, l'm only a second deputy.
- You're the first. - Sheriff, quit stalling. Arrest her!
Turn them into pumpkins, Sharon.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Don't you try any hocus-pocus.
You can't goofer us now.
That there's lizard dust.
Lizard dust?
Witchcraft?
- You don't really believe l'm a witch? - Arrest her!
Wait a minute, now.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, don't let her bedevil you.
A witch she is, and a witch she's always been.
Finian...
- He doesn't know what he's saying. - Oh, yes, l do.
By the age of 10, she'd already developed her uncanny powers...
...and was changing me good whiskey into milk.
lt was a crisis!
From then on, one change led to another...
...and now you're witnesses to this unhappy climax.
- She's changed a white man into a black. - Let me talk to you.
Leave me alone. l'm doing the right thing.
All right, let's go.
Wait a minute!
You know, being a witch, she can also change a black man into a white.
She can make Rawkins white again?
- Or any color that Your Honor pleases. - All right!
Turn him into a white man now.
- Just a minute! l got something to say. - By God!
- Senator Rawkins. - Calm yourself, senator.
You're in no position to have opinions right now.
Who's in a better position? Boy, can l see both sides of this question!
How much time will she need?
Well, for a bit of a thing like that, l would say until the crack of dawn.
l will not be used as evidence...
- ...in any witchcraft trial! - Yeah!
Take him, boys! He's Exhibit A!
Her too!
Now, now, now...
...for your own safety's sake...
...if l were you, l wouldn't be trying to move her or him.
All right.
The crack of dawn...
...or it'll be the crack of doom, you hear?
Sheriff, move them all out but these two.
Clear everybody out!
Come on! Move!
Sit down!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! Wait a...
- Sit down. - Get out of here, boy!
Get that boy out of here!
The crock's in the ground, and all's well with the world.
lt's gone!
lt's gone. lt's not here.
Leprechaun! Og!
Nemesis! Og!
Og!
Sharon!
Sharon McLonergan!
Sharon?
Sharon.
Look at me, Sharon.
l'm 90 percent mortal now.
And 100 percent miserable.
lt's a frenzy, a frenzy.
And the only cure for it is you.
Sharon?
l feel better already just being near you.
The scent of your hair...
...the touch of your hand.
Oh, the miracle of it, the miracle of it, the sweet, sweet miracle of it.
She loves me.
Her hand fits me cheek.
Oh, Sharon, you're the only one, the only one!
You're not Sharon at all.
You're Susan the Silent.
Yet l still feel the same frenzy for you.
ls this what it's like to be mortal?
ls every girl the only girl?
l'm beginning to like it.
Oh, my heart is beating wildly
And it's all because you're here
When I'm not near The girl I love
I love the girl I'm near
Every femme that flutters by me
Is a flame that must be fanned
When I can't fondle The hand I'm fond of
I fondle the hand at hand
My heart's in a pickle
It's constantly fickle
And not too''partickle,'' I fear
When I'm not near The girl I love
I love the girl I'm near
Sharon!
l mean, Susan.
Susan!
What if they're tall and tender?
What if they're small and slender?
Long as they've got that gender I surrender
Always I can't refuse'em
Always my feet pursues'em
Long as they got a bosom I woos'em
I love the girl I'm near
When I'm not near
The girl I love
I love the girl I'm near
I'm confessin' a confession
And I hope I'm not verbose
When I'm not close to The kiss that I cling to
I cling to the kiss that's close
As I'm more and more a mortal
I am more and more a case
When I'm not facing The face that I fancy
I fancy the face I face
For Sharon I'm carin'
But Susan I'm choosin'
I'm faithful to whos'n is here
When I'm not near
The girl I love
I love the girl...
...I'm near
So there you are!
The wrath of Ozymandias on you!
From dusk to sunup, l've searched forest and hill...
...and l find you philandering with a woman in your arms.
What's wrong with that?
What's wrong! At a moment like this?
- Have you forgotten me daughter? - l have not!
She's the woman l love...
...present company excepted.
The shamrock of her eyes, and her voice like the bells of St. Mary's...
- Has anything happened? - lndeed, it has.
This is her last sunrise.
Twenty minutes from now, at dawn...
... the glory that was Sharon...
...and the boy that was her beloved will perish in smoke and flame.
l told you the gold brings doom and gloom.
Gloom and doom!
Don't blame the gold! You're the culprit!
- l? - Aye. lf you weren't a leprechaun...
...you'd have had no gold.
lf you had none, l wouldn't have borrowed it.
l wouldn't have come, and me daughter wouldn't be burned for witchcraft!
lt's my fault.
lt's all my fault.
Oh, the merciful saints forgive me.
Her broken father will forgive you too, if you'd just spare a little magic for her.
Oh, anything, Mr. McLonergan. I'd do anything!
Turn the senator white again and save Sharon's life!
Og, we've only 20 minutes!
Well, Sambo.
You don't look like you lightened up a smidgen.
l could do it in a minute and have 19 left.
Thank heavens. l knew you wouldn't fail me.
Why not wait 19 minutes...
...and leave it all to the last minute. lt's more dramatic.
Now, Og, now!
- lt's a matter of life and death! - Very well, Mr. McLonergan.
- l just need one thing from you. - What is it?
- Speak up, man. What do you need? - A crock of gold.
Give me strength to resist me own strength to keep from choking him!
You stand there and pretend you haven't got it?
- But l haven't got it! - Then why can't l find it?
l dug more holes this weary night than all the gophers in Christendom!
Think back to when you buried it. What were you doing?
l don't know! How would l know? l...
l had a jug of whiskey in one hand and the crock of gold in the other--
You might've buried the jug and swallowed the crock.
You Machiavellian, half-pint pirate, stealing me property! l want it back.
- Please, Mr. McLonergan, l wish l had it. - Where is it?
- l haven't got it. - l'll throttle it out of you! l want it back!
Where is it? Where is it?
You perfidious little wretch...
- l'll throttle it out of you. - l don't know where it is!
Where is it?
l wish l...
- Where is it? - l wish l...
lt's almost dawn.
They can't do it to her.
It'll be one of me or 100 of them!
Og...
...if you have a mite of merciful magic left, help me save me daughter's life.
Will you, now?
Oh, Susan, it's a crisis.
A crisis.
They're gonna burn Sharon for a witch.
She's not a witch.
She must've been standing by the crock when she made the wish.
Susan...
...you must've been there.
Where was Sharon standing?
Where was she...?
Oh, it's no good asking you. You can't hear me.
l'll have to ask somebody else.
There's no time.
Susan, come here.
Sit down. Look...
...l'll dance you the questions, and you dance me the answers, you see?
Questions, answers, right?
l'll put it another way.
Susan, Susan, Susan...
You're a darling girl...
...and l love you very much...
...but l just wish to God you could talk.
l love you.
Beautiful new words.
Will you say them again?
l love you.
She loves me.
She loves me!
You're talking, Susan! Where was Sharon standing?
- l love you! - Oh, l know that.
But you're talking.
That means l must've wished you into it.
Which means l must've been standing over the crock.
The crock, the crock...
lt looks like you are permanently a black man.
Oh, my heavens.
What have l done?
The crock.
There's only one wish left.
The last one.
lf l use it to wish the senator white...
...l'd never be a leprechaun again.
- We gotta sound the alarm. - Yes.
Mr. Rodgers, sound the alarm.
Fire.
But l don't wanna be mortal.
l wanna go back to fairyland.
Fairyland was never like this.
Where is she?
Rawkins, you blackguard, l wish you white!
- She turned him white. - He's done it!
Thank you, Og.
Release those prisoners!
Come on! Keep that water coming in here!
- Keep the water coming! - Keep the water coming.
- Keep the water coming! - Keep the water coming!
- Susan is talking!
- Susan's talking! - Susan's talking!
- Susan's talking. - Susan's talking.
Susan...
Susan's talking?
Woody!
- Susan's talking! - What?
- Susan's talking! - ls it true?
Well, say something, will you? l've been waiting 20 years!
lsn't it grandish, Woody?
You used the crock to wish back Susan's tongue.
- Aye. - And you used up the last wish.
And now the crock has turned to worthless dross.
Aye. Right, Mr. McLonergan. Dross, worthless dross.
Hey, Woody! Over here! The lab's going!
Four years of sweat and work, and it's all going up in smoke.
lt's all right, Howard. We'll put it out.
No! No! lt's smoking!
Homegrown mentholated smoke!
I searched all the earth And I scanned all the skies
And I found it at last In my own true love's eyes
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow it over the hill and stream
Look, look Look to the rainbow
Follow the fellow Who follows a dream
Follow the fellow
Who follows a dream
l now pronounce you...
...man and wife.
Father...
...are you leaving us?
Aye.
l've had Fort Knox.
l see.
Things are indeed hopeless.
Hopeless...
...but they're not serious.
But where are you going?
To find me a rainbow...
...Finian's Rainbow.
lt never fails to come up when a McLonergan is down.
Sure, there may not be a pot of gold at the end of it...
...but there's a beautiful new world under it.
Make it shine on Sharon.
Goodbye, me darling.
Goodbye, me friends. l'll see you all in Glocca Morra.
Sharon, where is Glocca Morra?
Well, you see, it's always somewhere...
...over there.
So to every weepin' willow
To each brook along the way
To each lad who comes a-whistlin' ''Too-ra-lay''
May we meet in Glocca Morra
Some fine day
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that little brook Still leaping there?
Does it still run down to Donny Cove
Through Killybegs, Kilkerry and Kildaire?
How are things in Glocca Morra?
Is that willow tree Still weeping there?
Does that laddie With the twinkling eye
Come whistling by
And does he walk away Sad and dreamy there
Not to see me there?
So I'll ask each weeping willow
And each brook along the way
And each lad That comes a-whistlin'
''Too-ra-lay''
''How are things in Glocca Morra...
... this fine day?''