(SINGING) Well, now, ain't this an elegant neighborhood?
All the residents dress so fine
One day off the boat am I
With a job that's nearly mine
'Tis a job with an elegant millionaire
And his elegant family
Today I move from immigrant
To high society
Now, you may call that luck.
And you may call it fortune.
But me meself...
(SINGING) I call it
Fortuosity
That's me byword
Fortuosity
Me twinkle-in-the-eye word
Sometimes castles fall to the ground
But that's where four leafed c-lovers are found
Fortuosity
(CAR HORN HONKS)
Lucky chances
Fortuitious little
Happy happenstances
(INAUDIBLE)
I don't worry
'Cause everywhere I see
(DOG BARKS)
That every bit of life is lit
By fortuosity
(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES)
Fortuosity
That's me own word
Fortuosity
Me never-feel-alone word
Around the corner
Under a tree
Good fortune's waiting
Just wait and see
Fortuosity
Lucky chances
Fortuitious little
Happy happenstances
I keep smilin'
'Cause my philosophy
Is do your best and leave the rest
To fortuosity
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I keep smilin'
'Cause my philosophy
Is do your best and leave the rest
To fortuosity
Good day to you, ma'am.
Would this be the home of Mr. Anthony J. Drexel Biddle?
It would.
I've come to be interviewed for the position of the butler.
Mrs. Biddle does the interviewing.
She's not at home just now.
But I had an appointment. The Mayflower Employment Agency.
I'll tell Mrs. Biddle that you were put out about it.
Oh, not at all.
I'd... I'd be pleased to call again.
Good day to you.
What part of Ireland?
-County Tyrone. -Just new here, are you?
The day before yesterday.
Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to wait in the kitchen.
Mrs. Biddle will be coming home soon.
That's very kind of you. Thank you very much.
Faith, it is a grand place you have here.
I'm the housekeeper here.
Me name's Mrs. Worth.
Mine's John Lawless.
This way, John Lawless.
Have a seat, and I'll pour you some coffee.
Don't you be troubling yourself now, Mrs. Worth.
It's no trouble. There's a pot brewing on the stove.
Sit down.
Might you be from Ireland yourself, Mrs. Worth?
-I came over as a young girl. -Not long ago, then.
(LAUGHS HOARSELY)
Tell me, Mrs. Worth, what became of the last butler?
I couldn't say.
He left in the dead of night after being here less than a month.
We've got a servant problem in this house.
It must be hard working for the very rich.
I mean, they're accustomed to having things just so.
That's not exactly the problem.
-Are the wages very low? -No.
The Biddles are generous enough.
Long hours, then?
I wouldn't say so.
There's a gorgeous sight!
Are you getting ready for a party, Mrs. Worth?
No, Mr. Biddle's on a chocolate-cake diet.
I beg your pardon.
MAN: Cordelia!
He says it's the perfect food, containing every essential element.
-Where is Mrs. Biddle? -She's gone shopping.
-Blast! And Cordy? -I couldn't say.
-And the boys? -I haven't seen them since lunch.
At a time like this. No!
Is there something I could do, Mr. Biddle?
Yes, you can call Dr. Dunleavey
and tell him I've been bit by an alligator.
-An alligator? -Oh, dear!
I might as well live alone.
-Are you a married man? -Me, sir? No, sir.
Well, then you wouldn't understand.
(SINGING) I've been bit on my finger
It could have been my leg
It could have been my head, I might have died
In a time of mortal peril
Any man should expect
That his family will come rushing to his side
What's wrong with that?
My family rushing to my side
What's wrong with that?
Oh, not a thing, sir, I'm sure.
I'm a good-hearted husband
I'm generous and kind
No wife could have a life as free of cares
So when a good-hearted husband has been bit
It's only right that his wife should share the agony he bears
What's wrong with that?
I want my wife to share my life
What's wrong with that?
Cordelia!
Well, now...
Now, that answers a whole slew of questions, don't it?
FATHER: Cordy! Boys!
Blast!
(SINGING) Here in this house I'm raising
Three strong, intelligent children
Where are they now in their father's time of need?
I give them private tutors
The finest physical trainers
All in vain
Oh, the pain!
I believe in the Bible
(SINGING) I believe in Uncle Sam
And as sure as Old Glory waves above
I believe a man who's bitten
Has the right to demand
That his family give him sympathy and love
What's wrong with that?
BOTH: The flag above
The Bible and love
What's wrong with that?
-Hello, Papa. -Cordy, where have you been?
Out in the stable with Tony and Liv.
-Oh. -Something wrong?
Yes, something's wrong!
What were you doing shaving at this time of day?
I haven't been shaving.
And since when do I shave my finger?
Well, you don't shave your ear either, but last week you cut it.
That's different.
The ear is in the general vicinity of the face.
Well, so's the finger when you're shaving.
It's a bite, blast it!
-No. -Yes!
-Who? -George...
Turned on me just like that after all these years.
Well, it's really not such a bad bite.
Is that all you have to say?
There's some antiseptic in the emergency kit and some bandages.
Now, wait a minute, Cordy. Where are you going?
It's time for Bible class.
Yes, I know.
But you'll have to do without me today.
I have an engagement.
Dr. Dunleavey's somewhere between his office and the hospital.
Well, keep trying.
Uh, what are you doing?
Me, sir? Not a thing, sir.
-Well, then do something. -Yes, sir.
-Blasted alligator! -I... I beg your pardon, sir?
I treated him like a son.
What exactly would you like me to do, sir?
Tell the boys to bring in that emergency kit.
Out the back door, across the yard to the stable.
Mr. Tony, Mr. Livingston.
Mr. Tony and Mr. Livingston.
Blasted Benedict Arnold, that's what he is.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Yes?
Would you tell Miss Biddle that Mr. Taylor is calling?
-Mr. Who? -Mr. Charles Taylor.
Miss Biddle is expecting me.
Cordy!
Dr. Dunleavey must've stopped to make a house call.
-I could be dying. -Indeed you could.
Where's that blasted antiseptic?
-Here you are, Pa. -Well, it's about time.
-We came as soon as we heard. -I left word with the doctor to call.
-All right. -What happened, Pa?
Was it really George? Gentle old George?
Yes, it was gentle old George.
Hey, Pa, what's Charlie Taylor doing here?
He came to see Cordy.
The answer to a maiden's prayer.
What do you know about maidens' prayers?
Nothing, Pa. It's just an expression.
Oh.
But Charlie Taylor? Cordy can do better than that.
Well, I'm sure she can... When the time comes.
Hey, that's pretty good, Charlie. Going into vaudeville?
Oh, hi, Tony. Long time no see.
This is my brother Liv.
-Hiya, sport. -Hi.
-Say, that man in the hall. -TONY: Yeah?
That wasn't your father, was it?
-Who'd you think it was? -Well, I don't know.
I just thought he was some kind... Uh, uh, uh.
Hey, caramels!
-(CHUCKLES) -They're for Cordy, sport.
Cordy hates caramels.
-They stick in her retainer. -Huh?
But I like caramels, and so does Tony.
-Don't you, sport? -Oh, love 'em.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, fellas, that's enough.
Charlie!
You've been hiding your light under a bushel.
Liv, you should feel that.
Hey... What weight do you fight at, Charlie?
-Fight? -Boxing.
You do box, don't you?
I, uh, prefer other sports.
-You don't do it at all? -No.
Liv, he doesn't do it at all.
Oh, Charlie, you're in trouble.
I don't understand.
Well, if you got your eye on Cordy...
(SINGING) Remember Harry Applegate?
(SINGING) Yeah, he took Cordy on a date
Oh, what a Dapper Dan
Pearly teeth and tennis tan
Remember him well.
Thought he was a Romeo
Tried to kiss our sis and, oh
Harry ducked, but too late
Father bought him an upper plate
BOTH: Watch your footwork
Better learn to bob and weave
Sister Cordy's got dynamite up her sleeve
What a jab
BOTH: Dynamite up her sleeve
What a hook
BOTH: Dynamite up her sleeve
Keep your guard up
Charlie, never lead with your right.
You'll get killed that way.
Oh, look, fellas, let's forget the whole thing.
I didn't come over here to do this.
Archie Baxter came here twice
First time out he acted nice
Romance was in the air
-Oh, they made a lovely pair -Beautiful!
Second date it was a dance
He grabbed her tight this was his chance
Cordy only bruised that sport
Father settled it out of court
BOTH: So watch your footwork
Better learn to bob and weave
Sister Cordy's got dynamite up her sleeve
What a feint, Dynamite up her sleeve
What an uppercut, Dynamite up her sleeve
Uh-oh.
-Charlie! -Charlie?
-Hey, Charlie, wake up. -Are you hurt, Charlie?
FATHER: Tony, Livingston.
Come on, it's time for Bible class.
-What happened? -He dropped his left.
Oh.
Well, you better get some ice.
And, uh...
Oh, uh, and get some beefsteak.
Charlie...
Charlie!
Well, don't you look pretty!
-Papa, how could you? -How could I what?
-It's no wonder I never have any callers. -Oh, now, wait a minute, Cordy.
People are afraid to come around here.
-I didn't hurt the young sap. -Sap?
Charlie Taylor's only the most popular boy in town.
-(CHARLIE GROANING) -Oh, here he comes.
Charlie, are you all right?
-Sure he's all right. -Come on, Charlie.
-Atta boy. -I'm so sorry, Charlie.
Well, there's no serious damage.
He'll have a black eye for a couple of days.
-Ooh! -Can I get you something, Charlie?
-I sent for some raw meat. -How about a cold drink, Charlie?
Oh! Oh, thank you.
Uh, Charlie, why don't you sit here in this comfortable chair,
and I'll see if I can get you some iced tea.
Or, uh, would you like a piece of chocolate cake?
-(CHARLIE GROANS) -Charlie! Charlie?
TONY: Gee, we're sorry, Cordy. We didn't mean to do it.
LIVINGSTON: We told him to keep his guard up.
You see, Cordy, I had nothing to do with it.
Didn't you?
Like father, like son.
You're all three the same...
Always having your sport no matter what.
Always ready for a fight!
Cordy, wait a minute.
Don't touch me! I'll flatten you!
Cordy.
Cordy, wait.
Blast!
(SINGING) Oh, Miss Cordelia Dexel Biddle
I thought I knew you well
But now, Miss Cordelia Drexel Biddle
I just can't tell
Are you Valentine candy
Or boxing gloves?
Lately you seem very strange
What in the world's coming over you?
Everything's starting to change
Are you sonnets by Shelley
Or Rover Boys?
Once, any answer would do
Why are you suddenly wondering
Which kind of someone
Are you?
He's a boy meant to spar with
Or gaze at a star with
Should you kiss him
Or blacken his eye?
Now, if he buys you roses
A right to the nose is really not
Quite the proper reply
You're so lost in the middle
Of in between
Is your destiny a canvas
Or crêpe de Chine?
Will you someday be someone
That somebody loves?
Are you Valentine candy
Or
Boxing gloves?
(MEN SINGING)
Mrs. Worth, I'm... I'm not one to pry, but I can't help wondering some things.
Yes, Mr. Lawless?
-Is it forever like this? -Like what?
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Ah, that must be Dr. Dunleavey at last.
(TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(MEN SINGING INDISTINCTLY)
It isn't as if this was the only job in Philadelphia.
Well, uh, not for a likable lad like meself.
Mrs. Worth?
I've decided to run along for now.
Perhaps I can call another day.
Perhaps.
-Who are you? -John Lawless.
A professional pugilist, no doubt.
-Ma'am? -Did you come here to fight?
Oh, no, ma'am, I came about the butler's position.
Then announce me.
And take off your hat in the house.
ALL: (SINGING) Strengthen the dwelling of the Lord
Fashion his brave word board by board
Here in His image now we stand
Building His fortress strong and grand
It is written that the body and mind
Of mortal man
Should walk in the spirit of His...
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Mr. Biddle, there's a lady in the music room, sir.
A lady?
Well, she didn't give a name, like there was no need for it.
Aunt Mary. Tell her there's nobody at home.
But, sir...
ALL: (SINGING) It is written that the body
And mind of mortal man
Should walk in the spirit of His master plan
So we must strengthen the dwelling of the Lord...
Knees to chest!
I... I'm afraid there's no one here, ma'am.
No one here?
No one at all, save Mrs. Worth and meself.
And as for me, I...
MEN: (SINGING IN DISTANCE) It is written that the body and mind
Of mortal man
Should walk in the spirit...
Aunt Mary.
-What a nice surprise. -AUNT MARY: Is it?
I come about the butler's position.
Oh, good. Then take these, would you?
And tell Mr. Biddle that Aunt Mary is here.
And, uh, bring us some tea into the parlor, please.
If the stores get any more crowded,
I'm just going to have to give up shopping entirely.
You can't imagine the swarms of people.
Do sit down, Aunt Mary.
This is not a social call.
I've come for a specific reason.
In today's paper, in George Gray's gossip column,
it is reported that, "Last week,
"Cordelia Drexel Biddle entered a one-step contest
"in Atlantic City
"with a Heinie Fenstermacher..." whoever that is.
-Well, I don't recognize the name. -"...and won."
We, uh...
We were in Atlantic City for the Bible class convention.
I know why you were in Atlantic City,
but that does not explain, and certainly doesn't excuse,
the matter at hand.
Well, good afternoon, Aunt Mary.
Always a pleasure to see you.
-Cordelia. -Anthony.
-Oh, Anthony, your finger. -Yes, George bit me.
-George? -I can't imagine what got into him.
Quite obviously your finger got into him.
Anyone who keeps an alligator in the house must expect to be bit and deserves it.
Well, I'm sure George was only playing and forgot himself.
Do you really think so, Cordelia?
MOTHER: Oh, I'm sure of it.
-(CLEARS THROAT) -Oh, over there, please.
He probably feels as badly about it as you do.
I wonder.
(GEORGE GROWLING)
That will be all, thank you.
(CHUCKLES) You're right, Cordelia. He wants to make up.
(GEORGE GROWLING)
-(CHUCKLING) -Well...
Well, if the jungle theatrics are quite over,
I should like to return to the subject of my visit, which is Cordy.
What about Cordy?
I do not consider she's under the right influences
for a young woman in her social position.
She's under my influence and her mother's and her brothers'.
Oh, please, Anthony, don't pretend naivete.
You know perfectly well what I mean.
No, I don't. I do not know what you mean.
Did you read this morning's paper?
Yes. Yes, I did.
German U-boats in our waters,
sinking British merchant ships in sight of Nantucket.
That's what they think of our neutrality.
Did you get beyond the first page?
George Gray's column, dear.
-Cream or lemon, Aunt Mary? -Of course not.
Ah. Blasted professional troublemaker!
MARY: Oh, no, he doesn't make trouble.
He reports it.
This Mr. Fenstermacher,
he's a member of one of your Bible classes, I assume.
Yes. Yes, he is.
And a fine, upstanding young man he is too.
Anthony, tell me something.
Were the children in school at all last year?
They were being tutored, Aunt Mary.
-And who was tutoring the tutor? -What do you mean?
Well, everybody knows that you hired this man as a boxing coach.
He can't even sign his own name.
Tony and Liv got into St. Paul's all right.
They're going up there next week.
MARY: And I applaud the move.
Now let's do the same for Cordy.
The Loretta Wingfield School for Young Ladies
in Lakewood, New Jersey, is accepting applications.
FATHER: Oh, no, you don't!
I won't have Cordy exiled to some prison.
Anthony, answer me...
What proper young man in his right mind
would want to marry a lady prizefighter?
-Blast the proper young man. -That's easy to say.
Besides, what's this talk about marriage?
Cordy's a child.
You're blind, Anthony, in more ways than one.
-FATHER: Well, blind or not, I'm not... -Papa?
Oh, Cordy, we were just discussing you.
Yes, I know.
And, Papa, I'd like to go off to school.
Hello, Aunt Mary.
Good afternoon, Cordelia.
-Hello, Mama. -MOTHER: Darling.
Cordy, did I hear you correctly?
I'm sure you did, Papa.
Oh, are you still upset about what happened a while ago?
Do you want that boy back over here?
I'll drag him back by the...
No, Papa, it isn't Charlie Taylor.
Well, then what is it?
-Don't you like it here? -Of course I like it here.
-Don't we have a good time? -Yes.
But it's hard to explain, Papa.
I'm not like the other girls.
Well, hooray for that. Look at the other girls.
-Oh, Papa... -Cordy, I like you the way you are.
You're pretty, you have fun, you're alive.
And you've got a better left hook than Tony or Liv.
But I don't want a left hook.
Anthony, I think we better talk about this later.
She doesn't know what she's saying.
I do know what I'm saying.
I want to go to Miss Wingfield's school.
All right. All right, you go.
Go to prison if you want to.
Thank you, Papa.
Blast!
Ooh... (COUGHS)
Well, it's late, and I have other things to do.
Well, thank you for coming, Aunt Mary.
I don't like to interfere.
(COUGHS)
But attention must be paid to these matters.
I know.
Good day, Cordelia.
Good day, Anthony.
(GRUMBLING) Good day, Aunt Mary.
(WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(FRONT DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Anthony, we do have to let Cordy go.
She's not a child anymore,
and it's selfish to keep her here in this
special world.
What's wrong with this special world?
Oh, Anthony, why do you have to take everything so personally?
Is there some other way?
You might as well put out that terrible weed.
You won't get rid of me that way.
Anthony, I've raised very few objections to the way that Cordy's been brought up,
despite its being rather unorthodox.
Now... Now don't say, "What's wrong with being unorthodox?"
There's nothing wrong with it.
If I didn't feel that way,
I couldn't have stayed married to you all these years.
It's been a good life, a healthy life.
And Cordy's been happy.
But now she's older and feels a need to reach out.
But she won't like it.
That's for her to decide.
You didn't want to let go of Tony and Liv.
You fought St. Paul's like a tiger.
Well, now it's Cordy.
Blast it, Cordelia, I said she could go, didn't I?
Yes, dear.
Well, then... What's all the fuss about?
-I'm going out to the gym. -Good idea.
You'll feel much better when you get back.
Oh, Mrs. Biddle...
-Mrs. Biddle, if it's convenient... -Oh, yes.
I'm afraid I don't remember your name.
John Lawless, ma'am. The Mayflower Employment Agency?
Ah, fine. Dinner's at 7:00, John.
Well, were you put on?
Dinner's at 7:00, she says.
Heaven help me.
(PUNCHING WORKOUT BAG)
Good way to let off steam.
Papa, I'm sorry for the way I acted.
I appreciate your apology.
I do love my home. I don't really want to go away.
You were right, wanting to go.
You're not a child any longer.
It's selfish to try to keep you here in this special world.
-What's wrong with this special world? -Now, don't you start that.
Cordy...
You have to make your own life in your own way.
You can't stay here with your mother and me forever.
Of course, when you come home on vacations, things will be just the same.
All of a sudden, I'm afraid.
Now, that I won't have.
There's nothing out there to be afraid of,
as long as you keep your guard up and your chin tucked
and know how to bring one up from the floor.
Oh, Papa.
When I was a little girl, I used to think
you must be the most wonderful person in the whole world.
Now that I'm older and mush wiser, I know you are.
Well, uh, come on. Let's go back in the house.
Now, if you don't like that school, you sure don't have to stay up there.
(HUMMING)
(ALLIGATOR GROWLING)
Mr. Biddle?
(ALLIGATOR GROWLING)
Mister...
(GROWLING)
(ALLIGATOR GROWLING)
What's wrong, man? You're white as a sheet.
Faith, you do have an alligator.
Twelve of them. What's wrong with that?
Not a thing, sir. It's relieved I am, sir.
I captured them myself down in Florida,
went into the swamp with a party of Seminoles.
Have you ever seen a Seminole Indian capture alligators?
I can't say I have, sir.
Well, they can paddle a canoe so you can't hear it two feet away.
And if the animals don't show themselves, you give 'em the mating call.
(GROWLING)
Say, who are you, anyway?
John Lawless, sir. I'll be the new butler.
We've got a new butler.
No, Papa, he quit.
Already?
-CORDY: Days ago. -Oh.
Well, if you'll excuse me, sir.
-John, uh, Lawless, is it? -That's right, sir.
FATHER: Tell me, John...
Are you a religious man?
Well, I try to live by the Good Book, sir.
-How well do you succeed? -I'm not sure. I...
Well, never mind. We'll go into that another time.
What do you think of boxing?
-Boxing? -Papa, why don't we find...
You know, self-defense. Ever done any of that?
Well, at the fair last year in county Tyrone,
I was fisticuffs champion.
Is that so? Champion, eh?
Well, it isn't a very large county, sir.
Uh, fisticuffs champion of, uh... Where was that again?
County Tyrone. It's in Ireland.
Ah. You going to become an American citizen, John?
-Well, I intend to apply, sir. -You'll never regret it.
-Greatest country in the world. -Papa...
There are certain things I believe in, John.
God and the United States of America are at the top of the list.
I know very well what the United States has to offer, Mr. Biddle.
That's how it is I'm here, sir.
Yes, well, like I say...
There's something else I know just as well,
and that is you are what you are, and that's good too.
I beg your pardon?
Well, being an American is adding something.
It isn't subtracting.
On the night before I sailed away, they come from far and near.
All me friends and all me kin
To shed a partin' tear
We knew we'd never meet again
And yet was clear to see
I'd always be a part of them
And them a part of me
I'll always be Irish
'Cause that's how I began
I'll always be Irish
I'll say that to any man
And when I'm an American
I'll be a good one too
I'll be truly as American as Irish stew
Hey, that's pretty good.
BOTH: (SINGING) He will be truly as American
As Irish stew
Ask for Irish stew in Ireland and see what you get.
I never thought of that.
In Ireland, all the stew is Irish.
(SINGING) I'll always be Irish
A fact I'll not deny
I'll always be Irish
And I'll hold me head up high
I'll wear the green St. Patty's Day
And yet for all of that
I'll be truly as American as Casey at the Bat
BOTH: (SINGING) He'll be truly as American As Casey at the Bat
Say, that looks like good exercise.
Come on, Cordy.
-Hey, hey! -Papa!
If you can win a one-step contest, you ought to be able to do this.
I thought you didn't like dancing.
It's that waltzing business I don't like.
(CHUCKLES) That's for old folks.
Hey!
A-ha!
If I went to Paree for the rest of me days
And ate bread and cheese in sidewalk cafés
Lived in a garret, wore a beret
-What would I be? -BOTH: An Irishman
Right!
If I went to Tibet and bought me a yak
And traveled Siberia riding his back
The peasants would point at me, What would they say?
Ooh-yang-a-wiki-tiki ooh-yang-a-wong-tong
Ooh-yang-a-wiki-tiki Irishman?
-BOTH: Right. -Right.
But if I went to Spain
And grew a moustache
Strummed a guitar and wore me a sash
Became a torero and fought me a bull
Ándale, toro! Ándale!
BOTH: Hooray!
JOHN: After awarding me both ears and the tail, what would they say?
BOTH: Olé! JOHN: For the Irishman!
BOTH: Right!
Hey-ho!
Whoo-hoo!
FATHER: Ho! Come on, Mrs. Worth.
Come on, now.
-Whoo-ha! -It's good for you.
(LAUGHTER)
Ah, that-a-girl.
You should've seen me father doing this...
Like a tornado across the floor.
(WHOOPING)
Oh... Oh...
Oh! Oh!
BOTH: (SINGING) He'll always be Irish
(SINGING) Shout it good and loud
BOTH: He'll always be Irish
Of his heritage, he's proud
I'm proud of Irish Blarney
And Irish sentiment
And I'll bet someday we get an Irish president
ALL: And I'll bet someday we get an Irish president
Whee-ha!
Hey, let me in there.
(JOHN EXCLAIMS)
-JOHN: Beautiful. -Whee!
(LAUGHTER)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Whoo-hoo!
(SHOUTING AND LAUGHTER)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Whoo-hoo!
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Whoo!
Oh... Oh, the Mayflower Employment Agency.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
Hey!
Uh, yes, I think Mr. Lawless will suit our needs very well.
Whoo! Come on, I want George to see this!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
(CORDY LAUGHS)
Cordelia, whatever are you laughing at?
Papa.
He's now giving military training to the Bible classes.
They're marching up and down in front of the house
with broomsticks for rifles.
(CORDY GIGGLES)
(SIGHS)
Cordelia, what an absolutely gorgeous invitation.
Whoever is it from?
Well, read it for yourself if you're so anxious.
I'm not the least bit anxious.
I was only trying to be sociable.
(CORDY SIGHS)
Cordelia!
The William Thaws are absolutely world-famous for their parties.
However did you get this invitation?
Well, I'm in great demand socially.
Didn't you know?
I suppose you give boxing exhibitions.
However did you guess?
And I think I'll get in some practice...
Right now!
I'll call Miss Wingfield!
With that rouge all over your face?
Mmm.
Cordy...
You would never tell Miss Wingfield that I wear rouge to bed, will you?
No matter how angry you get.
Well...
Oh, no, you wouldn't be so cruel.
Rosemary?
Hmm?
Would you teach me how to flirt?
Pardonne?
Well, my Aunt Gladys said there are gonna be all sorts of young men
at the dance from Yale and from Princeton and...
Your Aunt Gladys.
So that's how you got invited.
The William Thaws are my aunt and uncle.
Since I'm going to school right here in Lakewood,
they're practically duty-bound.
I should have guessed.
Well, it helps to be related to almost everybody.
I want to make the most of it.
Will you help me, Rosemary?
Cordelia, if you're suggesting that I know anything about...
Oh, come on, Rosemary, I'll bet you're the world's champion.
Well, the fact that I have been admired by men doesn't make me a flirt.
-Rosemary? -Hmm?
Would you like me to swear
I'll never tell Miss Wingfield about the rouge?
-That's blackmail! -It's a trade.
Well?
I wonder if those Thaw parties are as absolutely spectacular
as people say.
That's how trading works, isn't it?
All right...
I'll ask my Aunt Gladys.
Oh, good! Come here!
Now, if a girl wants to be popular nowadays,
there's one thing that she absolutely needs to know.
What?
Bye-yum pum pum.
Bye-yum pum pum?
(SINGING) Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum
You must be
Oh, so "misterioso"
Enthusiasm is très passé
You must slink across the floor
As if it's a dreadful bore
To the rhythm of bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum
-Bye-yum -You need to know the Theda Bara
Hollow cheeks and black mascara
Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum
Okay, what's next?
The men in college always acknowledge
A girl who dances
In a trance
So bye-yum until the dawn
As if you're about to yawn
To the rhythm of
Bye-yum pum pum
Attitude, Cordy! Attitude!
Bye-yum pum pum
Today the key to being wanted
Is just to glide as if you're haunted
And your right foot
Left foot, right, back
Let me try! Let me try!
Right foot, left foot
Right, back, together
Now arms, Cordy, arms
Use your arms, back, together
And slink, two, three
Bye-yum and slink two, three
Bye-yum and slink, two
Now spin like a top.
That's it!
Cordy, you're absolutely wicked. I love it!
How exotic.
Bravo.
Nita Naldi!
Theda Bara!
Cordy, you're absolutely dangerous! And scandalous!
(SINGING) For when you're oh, so "misterioso"
The men will grow so entranced with you
Shocking.
As you secretly conceal
The tingly way you feel
When you're dancing to
BOTH: Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum pum pum
Bye-yum
(ORCHESTRAL DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Cordelia.
Oh, Aunt Gladys.
Cordelia, darling.
-Aunt Gladys. -I've been looking all over for you.
-(WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING) -Where have you been?
I want you to meet the two most charming men at the party.
My niece, Cordelia Drexel Biddle...
Mr. Roger FitzSimmons, and Mr. Walter Blakely.
Both just down from New Haven.
-How do you do? -A pleasure.
Well, I'll leave you three to get acquainted.
Young people today don't need anything more than an introduction.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Snappy party.
What? Oh... Oh, yes.
Very snappy.
-Have a gasper? -A what?
Oh, no, thank you.
Well, I didn't think you were the type, but these days you can't tell.
-(CHUCKLES) -Smoking shortens your wind.
That's why athletes never smoke.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Say, there's a friend of my family I ought to go over and speak to.
Uh, can't it wait until later, Roger?
I wouldn't want to miss him.
My mother would never forgive me.
Miss Biddle.
ROSEMARY: Yoo-hoo, Cordelia.
Absolutely heavenly party.
Yes. Heavenly.
So many attractive men.
Who is that?
My roommate.
(SONG ENDS)
(APPLAUSE)
We're playing Harvard next week.
Who is?
-Yale. -Oh.
(BAND PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)
Mr. Blakely, I'm terribly sorry.
-I promised this dance. -You did?
Yes. The first one-step... I hope you don't mind.
Oh, no. No, of course not.
Why don't you ask Rosemary?
-Oh, no, I couldn't. -Tell her I suggested it.
Well, when your partner comes.
Oh, but you needn't wait around. He'll be here any second.
Who is he? I can keep an eye out for him.
Oh, I... I don't think you know him.
What's his name?
His name? Well, it's...
Angier Duke.
This is our dance, isn't it? The first one-step?
Yes. Mr. Duke, Mr. Blakely.
You can't keep her to yourself all evening, Mr. Blakely.
No, I guess not.
Miss Biddle.
He's probably a nice enough fellow when you get to know him.
Shall we have our dance?
Mr. Duke, why did you do that?
Because I thought I'd like to know you.
Worked out real well, didn't it?
(MUSIC STOPS)
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Why do you want to know me?
Because you're not like the other girls.
I mean that in the nicest way.
I don't like these pushy girls
who think they can trap any man with a big act.
But you saw me practicing. Didn't it scare you away?
No. You were so bad at it.
Oh.
(BAND PLAYING WALTZ MUSIC)
Oh, it's a waltz.
The waltz is for old people.
Oh, is it?
I warned you, I'm not a very good dancer.
Oh, nonsense, Mr. Blakely.
You're as light as an elf. (GIGGLES)
I don't think the waltz is for old people.
I was just saying something somebody told me.
(SINGING) Are we dancing?
Are we really here?
Is this feeling something real
Or will it disappear?
Are we dancing?
Does the music soar?
Was this lovely song I hear
Ever heard before?
Are your eyes confessing things
I alone can see?
Or is my imagination
Flying away with me?
Are we dancing?
Say we really are
Then I'll know that I
Reached into the sky
I reached into the sky
And touched a star
(SINGING) Is this feeling something real
Or will it disappear?
Was this lovely song I hear
Ever heard before?
BOTH: Are your eyes confessing things
I alone can see?
Or is my imagination
Flying away with me?
Are we dancing?
Say we really are
Then I'll know that I
I'll know that I
Reached into the sky
Reached to the sky
BOTH: I reached into the sky
And touched
A star
It's beautiful, isn't it?
It's more than beautiful.
It's a... A masterpiece of engineering...
Well, a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost.
Oh.
Yes, it's very nice.
You know, the chassis of that car is...
Is bolted together with special tapered bolts
made to fit holes that were reamed by hand.
-Really? -Yeah.
It's practically sewn together.
Well, I don't know very much about cars.
Oh, you don't have to know much to appreciate a Rolls.
If you were just once out on the road in that car...
Oh, say, it's cold out here, isn't it?
Can I get your coat?
My uncle has a Silver Ghost.
I've driven it.
I've been up to 75 miles an hour...
Smooth as silk.
The suspension system...
Really is remarkable.
May I see you again?
Now you have to.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Pardon me, Cordelia.
My friends, I'd like to offer a toast...
To our guests of honor, and to the entire Marine Corps,
the most glorious institution God ever put on this Broadgreen Earth.
I recently traveled to Washington to see if anyone there was concerned
about this war that's got half the world in flames.
I was treated to a lot of excuses
and a lot of... A lot of speeches,
until I got to the Marines.
It's going to be a long evening.
When I talked to the Marine commandant about preparedness, he understood.
When I told him there were 5,000 men here in Philadelphia
ready and eager to be trained, he was interested.
These three young men arrived this morning as proof of his sincerity.
They're going to work with our Philadelphia Corps.
And if war comes, by George, we're going to be ready.
(SINGING) I believe in this country
But our country's unprepared
Our defenses aren't worth a hill of beans
So when a man loves his country
Should he sit back and complain
Or call out the United States Marines?
What's wrong with that?
What better way, what better means
To take my stand with the Marines
What's wrong with that?
To the Marine Corps.
Gentlemen, I want to say again it's good to have you with us.
Thank you.
Sir, is the Philadelphia Corps the same thing as the Biddle Bible classes?
Well, it grew out of that.
The, uh, Bible classes are the hardcore.
-Uh, the core of the corps. -(BOTH LAUGH)
Yes, you might say that.
MAN: Well, Mr. Biddle, you've done a swell job
getting all those men together.
Oh, I think it's great, a man like yourself taking such an interest.
A man like myself?
Yes, an older man with plenty of money.
And I promise you, sir, we'll have them snapping to in no time.
Lieutenant, I already have them snapping to.
I expect you to take it from there.
-Will you take seconds, gentlemen? -No, thank you.
The one thing my men need is formal combat training.
I'm depending on you gentlemen for that.
John, would you please tell Mrs. Worth
that I'd like to serve dinner as soon as possible?
Yes, ma'am.
It's trench fighting that's going to win this war.
I want my men to learn how to use a bayonet and the butt of a gun.
Oh, we've got a training program all set up, sir,
and close combat is a part of it.
A big part, I hope. It'll save lives.
I know I'm anxious to learn.
Oh, it's pretty strenuous exercise, Mr. Biddle.
Is it, now?
Of course, you'll be welcome to observe, sir.
Gentlemen, uh, may I show you around the place?
We'll start with the stables.
This way, gentlemen.
The stables are right out here, across the terrace.
Oh, dear, let's not move the entire party outside.
It looks as if Anthony might learn a lesson tonight.
I'm tempted to go out there and watch myself.
Aunt Mary,
you forget that Anthony's boxed with champions.
But they were friends, Cordelia, and professionals.
These young men are not friends,
and there is nothing so dangerous as the inspired amateur.
Yes, I fixed this place up to provide some healthy fun
and relaxation for myself and the rest of the family.
Say, would any of you like to go a round or two before dinner?
(INDISTINCT MURMURS)
How about you Marines?
Do any of you know how to box?
Oh, we all know how to box, sir.
-That's part of our training. -Fine.
John!
You want to box with me, sir?
Oh, we'll just go a couple of rounds, Lieutenant.
Thank you.
You know, uh, a lot of older men take up sports
of one kind or another just to pass the time.
-John! -You yelled, sir?
FATHER: Yes. Would you keep time for us, John?
Yes, sir.
We box by college rules here, Lieutenant.
Two-minute rounds.
Thank you, John.
Well, are you ready, Lieutenant?
-Yes, sir. -All right, John.
Time, gentlemen.
(BELL RINGS)
The men in the Philadelphia Corps
have a lot to learn about military science.
But, uh...
But you will find them well-disciplined and physically fit.
Oh, so that's your style, is it?
Bill O'Brien used to lean on his left like that.
Poor Bill, he never was a really top fighter.
One thing to remember about the Philadelphia Corps, they're civilians.
You'll get a lot more out of them if you lead them
rather than bully them.
Know what I mean?
Oh, Lieutenant!
Well, that was just a lucky punch.
Might just as well have happened to me.
Come on.
Hey, that was, uh... That was quick thinking,
catching old Jim Corbett in your lap like that. (CHUCKLES)
John, that's a bad spot for old Jim up there.
I'll bet we've knocked him off that wall at least a dozen times.
You know, Corbett and I sparred in this very ring several times...
He was a great fighter.
Well, who's next?
Well, don't you think we ought to go back, sir?
We wouldn't want to delay dinner, sir.
Well, that's very considerate.
We'll rejoin the ladies, then.
Oh, John, would you get some ice for the lieutenant's lip?
It'll keep the swelling down.
I'll bring some directly, sir.
As soon as I ger Mr. Corbett back up on the wall.
FATHER: Hey, you know, I've worked up a little appetite.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes, boxing always helps my appetite...
Greatest sport in the world.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Mr. Biddle, I've got a proposition.
If you won't tell the men of the Philadelphia Corps
that you took the best boxer among us in one round,
why, we'll teach you all the close combat you want, sir.
Fine, fine. I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, say, gentlemen, before we go in to dinner,
I want to show you my alligators.
(SINGING) What's wrong with that?
(LAUGHTER)
What's wrong with that?
ALL: (SINGING) What better way
What better means
To take your stand with the Marines
What's wrong with that?
ALL: What's wrong with that?
(LAUGHTER)
Come on, gentlemen, I'll show you the alligators.
The days of the custom car are numbered.
Even in luxury automobiles,
standardization is a practical necessity, not only for the... For the manufacturer,
but for the individual car owner as well.
-Take a car like the Marmon... -I'd rather not.
Huh?
Angie, do you think we could talk about something
besides automobiles for a change?
-World affairs or the weather. -(BOTH LAUGH)
I'm sorry, Cordy.
Or you.
I'd really love to hear about you.
Okay, me.
What kind of music do you like?
Music?
What's your favorite book?
Let me see, my... My favorite book...
Let's talk about your career.
My career?
(SCOFFS) Well, there's not much to tell.
We're in tobacco.
Do you like tobacco?
As a business, I mean?
Well, I guess so.
You guess so?
I haven't thought that much about it.
It's a family business, and I guess I'll take it over someday.
Is there something you'd rather do?
Yes, but you said you wanted to talk about something else.
Oh, no.
You mean you want to make a career out of automobiles?
(SINGING) There's a shiny city west of here
Where dreams are booming into gear
It's no humdrum, 9:00 to 5:00 town
It's a growing, going
Bright, alive town
Golden sparks light up the skies there
Like a thousand Fourth of Julys there
How I want to stake a claim
And roll up my sleeves
And make a name in
Detroit
-Detroit? -Michigan.
You can hear it humming, see it coming
Feel it everywhere you go
It's tomorrow morning
The future dawning
With a bright and shining glow
It's a land where golden chariots
Are molded out of dreams
Detroit
It's Detroit
Oh, if I could be there
I'd be free there
Standin' on my own two feet
I'd invent new motors, design new rotors
I'd be in the driver's seat
I'd make all my dreams realities
Oh, I'd be on my way
In Detroit
Detroit
In Detroit
Others are giving their dreams a try
If others can dream there
Why can't I?
Cordy, you'd be amazed at the things they're doing out there.
They're working on a two-range transmission,
four-wheel brakes!
(THUDS)
Uh, do you think they could do something about the seats?
Sure. That's easy.
And, uh, heat the inside?
Why not? There's hot water in the radiator.
How about a gramophone, so we could have music on long trips?
Sure. It's possible.
And any color you want?
Oh, I don't know about that.
(LAUGHING) Okay, any color you want.
So you see
Where the rainbow ends for me
Is known to the world
As F.O.B. Detroit
(ENGINE SPUTTERING, BACKFIRING)
What is it?
I don't know. I'll find out.
Cordy... (CHUCKLES) You think I'm crazy?
About Detroit, I mean.
Boy, my mother does.
(SINGING) If you hear it humming
See it coming
That's the place where you must go
But to make your name there
You must stake your claim there
And let no one tell you no
Then you don't think I'm crazy.
Then my dreams of golden chariots
In Detroit
Can all come true
For you hear it humming
And you see it coming
And you
Want to be there
Too
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Oh!
Oh. Ooh!
Hurry.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Well, those men looked good tonight.
Yes, sir, like seasoned troopers.
Don't you think they looked good?
Yes, dear. They looked cold too.
I was sorry for them.
Well, they're gonna have to fight battles in cold weather.
Oh, I wasn't criticizing, dear.
It was a lovely parade.
-Oh, it's cold in here. -Yes, it is.
You know, I think the furnace must be off.
No, the radiator's hot.
Well, there's a terrible draft coming from somewhere.
The conservatory, I think.
The conservatory?
John!
My alligators! Look at my alligators!
John!
George...
John!
Yes, sir? You yelled, sir?
What's happened here? Why are these windows open?
Must have been the new maid, sir.
What new maid?
Her name is Florence, dear. She started this afternoon.
She was complaining about the smell.
-What smell? -Well, the alligators.
-They do have a certain... -What?
Uh, we're accustomed to it, dear.
Oh.
She probably decided to give the room an airing...
And forgot to close up again.
Well, of all the blasted, stupid...
Get an axe.
Anthony!
Not for Florence. For the alligators.
Maybe they're still alive in there.
-We'll chop 'em out. -An axe! Move!
(KNOCKING)
Dead, dead, dead.
Get some more towels, John.
Yes, ma'am.
Anthony, it's after midnight.
Yeah.
But I hate to give up.
I know, dear, but there comes a time.
-(TELEPHONE RINGING) -I'll get it.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Dead, dead, dead.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mr. Biddle. Who's calling?
Oh, yes.
How long ago?
Well, what have you done about it? Have you called the police?
Well, then, call them, blast it!
What is it, Anthony?
I want that blasted town turned upside down.
Do you hear? All right.
And call me back the minute you know anything.
-Is it Cordy? -Yes.
-She's missing. -Missing?
Three hours past curfew,
and nobody up there has any idea where she is.
That's a fine way to run a prison.
You don't suppose she's been kidnapped?
Oh, Anthony, for heaven's sake.
Well, it happens.
-(BANGING RECEIVER BUTTON) -Operator!
-Don't do anything foolish. -Foolish?
Our daughter is heaven knows where...
-Operator! -Hello.
Cordy.
Mother!
-Cordy! -Papa!
-Are you all right? -Of course I'm all right.
You're not hurt in any way?
What are you talking about?
We just had a call from Miss Wingfield.
Oh.
I was hoping we'd get here before that happened.
-The bad weather held us up. -Us?
Is someone with you, Cordy?
Yes.
My fiancé.
Your...Your what?
His name is Angier Buchanan Duke.
He's in the car.
Do you mean to tell me that some boy
is sitting out there in front of this house
thinking he's going to marry you?
MOTHER: Anthony, please!
He wanted to make sure I got in all right.
I'll tell him he can go now.
-Good night. -Good night?
Aren't you going to ask him in?
No, Mother, I don't think so.
I'll call you in the morning.
(CAR DEPARTING)
We don't even get a chance to see him?
Of course you'll see him... When you're ready.
I am ready now.
No, Papa, I'm not gonna let you at him,
not until you get used to the idea.
Where did you meet this young man, Cordy?
At a party Aunt Gladys and Uncle Bill gave.
I wrote you about it.
You didn't write us about getting engaged!
But he didn't ask me until today.
What took him so long?
Oh, now, Anthony.
Papa, I think you'll really like him very much If you just give him a chance.
Of course we'll give him a chance.
-Is it dreamin', I am? -Hello, John!
-Oh, you look fine! -Because I'm happy.
I'm engaged.
Engaged, is it? Well, isn't that grand?
I'm very happy for you.
Isn't that wonderful news, Mrs. Biddle?
Isn't it just...
Yes, well, I'd best be getting these towels into the parlor.
-Towels? -We, uh...
We had a sort of accident this evening.
But I think we should all go up to bed now and talk in the morning, hmm?
I am tired.
Oh, we got stuck in the snow twice,
and... And we thought we'd broken the axel,
and then the fan belt came off.
But it was fun. Good night, Mother.
Good night, darling.
It's so nice to be home.
I love you, Papa.
Good night.
"My fiancé," she says, without batting an eye.
And you just stand there.
And I just stand there.
What else could we do?
We've never met the young man. We don't know anything about him.
What's that got to do with it?
-She's a child. -She's a young woman.
You can't hold back the clocks, Anthony.
Cordelia, I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not trying to hold back any clocks.
-She's not ready for marriage. -You're not ready.
Well, I'm not going to sit still for it.
Anthony, you'll be making the greatest mistake of your life
if you try to stop this engagement.
Is it wrong for me to try to protect my daughter?
Cordy has a mind of her own.
Faced with an obstacle, she will proceed with still greater determination.
You, of all people, ought to know that.
You don't want to push her into an elopement.
Come on.
You know, I'm anxious to see what he looks like.
I believe you're enjoying this.
Well, in a way, I am.
It's a very exciting time.
Cordelia...
Sometimes you amaze me.
I hope so, Anthony.
It never rains, but it pours...
To lose your only daughter and your pet alligators
all on the same black night.
(LOUD GROWLING)
Ahhh!
-(ALLIGATOR GRUNTING) -Ahhh!
-What's all the blasted... -Ahhh!
Anthony, what are you doing down there?
Well, the girl's crazy.
That stuff she uses to color her hair must've gone to her brain.
Miss, would you mind telling me what...
Ahhh!
-What's going on? -Ahhh!
(ALLIGATOR HISSING)
Well!
(HISSING)
Well, I'll be!
Anthony, what is it?
Everything's all right now.
That nitwit girl frighten you? Huh?
(CHUCKLES) They're not dead!
John!
-John! -Yes, sir?
John, they're not dead.
Yes, sir. I... I know, sir.
-Come on, George. -FATHER: George!
Cordelia, it's George!
(FATHER LAUGHING)
-What is it, Papa? -They're not dead.
(HISSING)
Ahhh!
Whoa! Ahhh!
George. George, come back here.
Ahhh!
(SCREAMING AND CRYING)
Allow me, sir.
George.
George, not outside. You'll freeze all over again.
(ALLIGATOR GROWLING)
-Oh... -Here you are, Mother.
All right, out of there.
MOTHER: Run along now.
In the conservatory. Uh, uh...
Thank you.
Come on. You heard what mother said...
Into the conservatory.
George?
-Did, uh, George come back in here again? -I didn't see him, dear.
Take a look in the dining room, John.
Where do you suppose he got to?
There's breakfast to get on the table, in case you forgot.
Oh, how can you be so calm with those monsters on the loose?
They know better than to get in my way.
You can fill the cream pitcher and get busy setting the table.
Oh... Oh...
(GRUNTING)
Ahhh!
Oh!
Idiot girl.
None of 'em stay very long.
I'll teach you to make yourself at home in...
(CRASHING AND CLANGING)
Come out, Georgie!
-(SNAPS) -(GASPS)
Oh... Me new broom.
You drop that! Drop it, I say!
You ungodly beast.
You'd be a handbag if I had my way.
Go on! (GRUNTING)
You should have let out a call, Mrs. Worth.
I'd have given you a hand.
Thank you, Mr. Lawless. It wasn't necessary.
I manage very well on me own.
Breakfast will be in half an hour.
I have to slice some more bacon.
Thank you, Mrs. Worth.
Well... Well, I... I think we'd better get dressed.
That girl may come back here with the police.
Cordy.
Yes, Papa?
Cordy, I've been thinking things over, and I realize I acted badly last night.
I want you to invite your young man to dinner,
so I can, as you say, give him a chance.
Thank you, Papa.
Well, you know, I worked up quite an appetite.
I think I'd rather have scrapple than bacon.
Mrs. Worth?
-Thank you, Mother. -What for, darling?
For helping Papa change his mind.
Did I do that? Are you sure?
-Oh... -(LAUGHS)
There's an old Irish proverb...
To have your alligators thawed out
and your daughter forgive you all on the same bright day...
That's fortuosity.
-John? -Sir?
Who were you talking to?
No one, sir.
Well, you know what they say about people who talk to themselves.
It's like I said. It's another case of...
(SINGING) Fortuosity
That's me byword
Fortuosity, me...
George?
(SINGING) Round the corner
A-ha!
George?
I've had about as much as I can stand now.
George? George!
(GROWLING)
In the tank.
(HISSING)
Will you get in the tank when I tell you?
(HISSING)
Right.
Ahhh! George!
George...
Will you come back here, you...
Come on.
Uh...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(ALL HISSING)
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMING)
(ALL HISSING)
Oh, did I frighten you, then?
(LAUGHING)
Hey, George...
George!
Not in the music room.
Get... George...
Come on, George, up.
Hut! That's a good lad.
There you go.
Come on, boy. This way, lad.
That's a good man. There you go.
It's like I said.
(SINGING) Every bit of life is lit
By fortuosity
That's me byword
Every bit of life is lit
By...
A twinkle in the eye word
Every bit of life is lit
By for-tu
Os-i-ty
Ahhh!
(WATER SPLASHES)
FATHER: John?
(SPITS) Coming, sir. Ah, George.
Yes, it can only be a matter of weeks now.
Even the White House admits we can't stay out of this war.
I tried to enlist, but you know what they told me?
"You're too old."
Me, in the prime of life, fit as a fiddle, too old.
A little more wine, Mr. Duke?
No, thank you, Mr. Biddle. I still have a full glass.
Don't you like the wine?
I mean, we have others, a whole cellar full.
No, thank you. No. I don't drink very much.
It goes right to my head.
That's, uh, where it's supposed to go.
So you live in New York, Mr. Duke?
-Yes, ma'am, I do. -Do you like it?
Yes, I guess so.
I never could stand the place myself.
How about your work?
-Sir? -Do you enjoy working?
Well, no, not really.
-To tell you the truth, sir... -Well, I don't blame you.
Offices are deadly places.
They confine a man, spiritually and physically.
What do you do to escape?
Escape, sir?
-Yes. -You go out for sports?
Well, I... I have a boat.
A boat?
-A yacht, Papa. -Oh, a yacht.
Well, I suppose a man can get a kick out of a yacht.
Do you?
Do I what, sir?
Get a kick out of your blasted yacht?
Well...
I haven't been on it for a while.
Well, I suppose you've been busy getting ready for the war.
Angie's gonna turn his boat over, Papa.
Turn it over.
Well, that's a good thing to do with a boat.
To the Coast Guard, Papa.
Hmm.
Mother thought it would be a good idea.
I see.
Tell me, Mr. Duke, uh, what else do you like?
Besides sailing, I mean.
Hiking? Skiing?
I broke an ankle once skiing.
Did you get right back up on those skis and try again?
-No, sir. -Well, you should have.
Well, the bone was kind of sticking out.
Oh.
Oh, that's right, it, uh, goes to your head.
You do any fishing or hunting?
Or do you box?
No, sir, I...
I just don't seem to have the time.
You should take the time.
I was a sickly child, Mr. Duke... Asthma.
And then when I was 10, I came down with typhoid fever.
"Well, that's it," they said. "He'll never make it."
But I did make it.
And somehow the fever killed the asthma.
It was like a miracle.
And do you know what I learned at that early age, Mr. Duke?
That life is a precious and wonderful thing.
But you just can't sit there and let it lap around you.
You have to dive into it.
You have to taste it. You have to feel it.
You have to use it.
And the more you use, the more you have.
That's the wonder of it.
Would you like some more dessert, Mr. Duke?
No, thank you, Mrs. Biddle.
It's delicious, though.
Is something wrong, Mr. Duke?
Well, look-it there!
(CHUCKLES)
Well, it's Lucy!
I'll bet she's been hiding under there all day, where it's warm.
John? John, look what I found.
MOTHER: Are you all right, Mr. Duke?
Yes, uh, thank you.
I don't feel well. I... I think I'm getting a cold.
Oh, Cordy, why don't you take Mr. Duke into the parlor?
(BELL RINGING)
Yes, ma'am?
John, bring some more coffee into the parlor, will you?
You little devil. (CHUCKLES)
Well, decided to make a holiday of it, did you?
(CHUCKLES)
I told you he keeps alligators.
It's not that. I mean, it's not just that.
Cordy, he scares me to death.
But that's the whole trouble.
You've got to stand up to him.
I think he'd punch me in the nose.
Punch him back.
-Or better still, punch him first. -What?
When he comes in here, you've got to talk up to him.
Whatever he says, you dive right in and contradict him.
-Even when he's right? -Especially when he's right.
Cordy, I couldn't do that.
Angie, I want him to like you, and I'm telling you how to go about it.
-Are you feeling better, Mr. Duke? -Oh, yes, thank you.
It was a little close in there.
Yes, in this cold weather, one has to be so careful...
Going outdoors, coming in.
Cold weather's good for you.
Clears the lungs. Puts the heart to work.
I like hot weather.
-You do? -Yes, sir, I do.
Well...
Now we know.
Over here, please, John.
Mr. Biddle, I understand you're a real boxing enthusiast.
Well, yes.
Yes, for some years now...
I never could see much in it as a sport.
I... I mean, two men just standing there, hitting each other.
It doesn't seem to have much subtlety to it.
-It doesn't? -No, sir.
John, bring in the gloves.
The boxing gloves, sir?
Yes, the boxing gloves.
Anthony, what are you thinking of?
I want to show Mr. Duke some of the subtleties of the sport
and correct his false impression.
John and I can box a quick couple of rounds.
Me, Mr. Biddle? Fighting you, sir?
In my parlor?
Uh, just a demonstration.
Mr. Duke, would you mind moving that chair out of the way?
The medium gloves, John.
Pardon me, Cordy.
Anthony, I really don't think this is the time or place...
Cordelia, we don't have to stand on ceremonies with Mr. Duke.
After all, he's practically a member of the family.
-Right, Mr. Duke? -Right, sir.
As a matter of fact, sir, I was just wondering, why can't I try it?
-What's that? -Why can't I fight you?
Without knowing what you're doing?
From what I've seen of the sport, there can't be that much to it.
-Well, Mr. Duke... -Anthony...
I don't think so.
I thought this was one house where a man could get a fair fight.
John, give Mr. Duke your gloves, hmm?
Gladly, sir. Allow me, Mr. Biddle.
Cordy, can you help me with these?
Angie, I really don't think you have to go this far.
Please.
Okay.
You keep time, John.
Cordelia, he wants to. You heard him.
Anthony, I hope you know what you're doing.
I'll be careful with him.
That isn't exactly what I meant.
Are we ready, gentlemen?
-Yes. You ready, Mr. Duke? -Yes, sir.
We'll see if we can't show you
that there's more to boxing than you seem to think there is.
-All right, John. -Time.
Never take your eye off your opponent, Mr. Duke.
Uh, Mr. Duke, boxing is called
the art of self-defense for good reason.
That means you're supposed to protect yourself.
Hmm?
Your stomach, your chin.
Keep circling, Angie. Keep circling.
You see, Mr. Duke?
If I'd been throwing hard punches, you'd be in trouble...
Protect yourself.
Keep your chin tucked, Angie.
-My chin what? -Tucked.
No, just keep it behind your shoulder, so you don't get hurt, hmm?
All right, now you throw some punches at me, Mr. Duke.
Uh-uh, never lead with your right, Mr. Duke.
You're open for a left hook. See? Hmm?
Throw another punch.
Now the stomach. See?
You're not protecting yourself, Mr. Duke.
A little more subtle than you thought, isn't it, Mr. Duke?
Hey, wait.
Whoa, now. Wait a minute.
Wait... Wait... Wait a minute, Mr. Duke.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, hey, Mr. Duke!
Wait a minute, now.
You see, Mr. Duke...
Angie!
Mr. Duke, you ran right into my glove.
Will he need the ice, sir?
Oh, he's all right, aren't you, Mr. Duke?
Yes, sir. Sure, I'm okay.
Well, I hope you're not upset with me.
No. If I were upset I'd take care of you.
-You'd take care of me? -That's right.
Well, now, I, uh...
I find myself wondering about that.
-You do? -Yes, indeed I do.
Excuse me, John.
Sir, would you take your boxing stance right here, please?
-Angie. -Cordy, just stand right over here.
Now what?
Ooh...
Oh! Papa!
Say, that's a...
That's a pretty good trick.
Will you be needing the ice, sir?
Anthony, are you all right?
Of course I'm all right.
He caught me unawares, that's all.
Would you care to try it again, sir...
Awares?
Confound it, boy, I've had my share of roughhouse fighting, you know.
Couldn't all this wait for another time?
The coffee's really getting quite cold.
Don't worry, Mrs. Biddle, no one will get hurt...
At least I won't.
What do you want to do, wrestle?
It's called jujitsu, sir.
It's a little like wrestling, yes.
Angie, please! Have you gone crazy?
Yes, I think I have, Cordy.
And I feel right at home.
(CHUCKLES)
Ooh...
(GROANS)
(GASPS)
Uh, Mr. Duke, are you all right?
Is he all right?
I... I hope I didn't hurt you, sir.
Well, nothing that won't wear off.
That's a grand style of fighting, sir.
I'd like to learn it meself.
I've got a feeling it might come in handy someday.
We've all got to learn it,
every last man in the Philadelphia Corps.
Mr. Duke, I want to thank you.
That's a remarkable thing.
Why, it could mean the difference
between life and death in hand-to-hand combat.
You will teach it to me, won't you?
Yes, of course, sir.
Then, uh, one of these days we'll have a return match.
Well, Cordelia,
these two young people haven't been alone all evening.
Yes, well, it's time to say good night.
It's been so nice having you, Mr. Duke.
-May I call you Angie? -Please.
Well, then good night, Angie.
And we'll see you very soon, hmm?
Good night, dear.
-Good night, Mr. Duke. -Good night, sir.
-Jujitsu, is it? -Yes, sir.
By George, it's remarkable!
Good night, Cordy.
Papa.
Papa, thank you.
Thank me for what? He could have killed me.
Can we announce our engagement soon?
-Yes, of course. -Why not?
And can I go to New York and meet Angie's family?
Definitely.
The Biddles and the Dukes will have to get to know each other.
And the, uh, sooner the better.
Angie!
Angie, you sly boy.
Whatever have you gone and done?
Mother, I'd like you to meet Cordelia.
So this is the girl?
The one you have picked out of all the world
to be yours alone?
My goodness.
Why, I nearly fainted when I got your call.
Engaged, imagine that...
And to a girl from Philadelphia.
We're going to have a busy schedule.
Mother, I hope you haven't told people.
-Cordy and I thought... -Only a select few.
Come along, Cordelia dear.
Everyone who knows is frantic to entertain you.
Lorraine Mansfield called three times.
(INAUDIBLE)
Angie.
Oh, I thought you'd never come.
No, I got stuck with my cousin Margaret.
I'm freezing.
Here, I'll fix that.
Angie, are you out here?
Oh, so you are, behind a bush.
We came out for a little fresh air, Mother.
The last thing we need, Angie, is for you to come down with a cold.
We'll be right in, Mother.
Well, I'd appreciate it. People are asking for you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(MOUTHING WORDS)
Excuse me.
-Papa! -Cordy!
(LAUGHS)
Let me look at you.
You know, you're going to end up a real beauty if you're not careful.
Oh, Papa.
Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
Oh, it's good to see you, sweetheart.
Well, come over here and sit down.
Now, tell me, how do you like the big city?
Oh, fine.
There's always something going on.
You get along with the Dukes all right?
Yes, of course, perfectly.
-Cordy... -Oh, Mr. Biddle!
-Well, how are you, son? -Just fine, sir.
Keeping that jujitsu in good practice?
I've been doing a little practicing myself.
-Angie. -Oh, Mother...
Oh.
Mother, may I introduce Mr. Biddle.
Oh...
Oh, well, this is a happy surprise.
I'm very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Duke.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, is it quite safe?
A beautiful woman has always been safe with me.
Oh, I doubt that, Mr. Biddle.
(CHUCKLES)
Mrs. Duke, Mrs. Biddle and I are sorry
we've had to refuse the kind invitations we've received,
but, uh, it seems this war has been taking up all my time.
Well, we've all been disappointed, naturally.
What finally brought you to New York?
-I'm on tour. -Tour?
With a squad of Marines.
We demonstrate bayonet techniques.
Oh...
In auditoriums, theaters, anywhere we can find the space.
-Whatever for? -FATHER: It's a recruiting device.
Stirs the blood to see these young men locked In hand-to-hand combat.
I'm sure it must.
We're, uh, just passing through New York on our way to Boston.
And I couldn't resist stopping off between trains to see my little girl.
Well, it's been a treat for all of us.
You'll join our party, of course?
I'm afraid I can't, Mrs. Duke.
I have a 10:00 train to catch.
Oh, well, I'll go with you to the station.
Good, Cordy. I'd like that.
If you'll excuse her for a while, Mrs. Duke.
Oh, but of course.
Excuse me. I'll get my wrap.
-I can get you a cab, sir. -Oh, thank you.
Well, it won't be long now.
The wedding in Philadelphia.
No, no, it won't be long.
And how do you like it?
They make a handsome couple.
(LAUGHS HEARTILY)
Oh, you don't like it any better than I do.
It takes getting used to.
Yeah.
Wasn't too long ago
that Angier wouldn't pick a suit of clothes
without asking my opinion.
Now he goes off to Lakewood for a weekend
and picks someone to spend the rest of his life with.
Yes.
Well.
Mrs. Duke, I want to thank you for the generous way
you've entertained my daughter.
It's my pleasure, Mr. Biddle.
I love spectacle.
Well, I'm not so sure
how spectacular you'll find Philadelphia, but, uh, we'll certainly do our best.
I'm sure you will.
Good night.
Good night!
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
I think I might be coming home next week.
Oh?
But I thought you were going to stay until the end of the month?
Well, I'm awfully tired.
You sure there's nothing wrong?
Of course I'm sure.
I just want to curl up in my own bed in my own room
and stay there for about a week.
They're not like us, Papa.
(SINGING) When a man has a daughter
She's always in his heart
Happiness is part of all his prayers
When a man has a daughter
He wants her life to be
As smooth as satin ribbon
That she wears
What's wrong with that?
I want her home
Where she's free of care
I miss her footsteps
On the stairs
What's wrong with that?
(INAUDIBLE)
(BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
-FATHER: Mrs. Duke? -Yes?
Well, I found some more people for you to meet.
How delightful.
Gentlemen, this is Cordy's future mother in law.
Mrs. Duke, may I present Joe Turner?
Glad to know you, Mrs. Duke.
Joe is one of the mainstays in my Bible classes.
You'd never believe he was a bum and a drunk when I found him.
Mr. Biddle sure saved me, all right. He's tops on my list.
I'm sure.
You're marrying into a fine family.
Yes, we'll try to be deserving.
And this is Bill O'Brien.
Bill once fought for the heavyweight title.
If I'd have lasted that third round, I'd have got him.
I was just getting on to his tricks.
It's really something to fight for the title.
Oh, there's Madame LaFarge.
Finest voice teacher in Philadelphia.
Do you like opera, Mrs. Duke?
Sometimes.
Madame LaFarge sings a mean Carmen.
Would you excuse me?
Nice party. Huh, Mrs. Duke?
Oh, yes. Colorful.
Well, we can't let New York outclass Philadelphia. (CHUCKLES)
Thanks, John.
Say, uh, I could use another slug of that champagne punch.
How about you, Mrs. Duke?
-(BAND PLAYING OPERATIC MUSIC) -Oh, no, thank you.
I haven't finished the slug I already have.
(FATHER SINGING IN ITALIAN)
Tell me,
does Mr. Biddle often present himself in concert?
From time to time, ma'am.
He sang once at a real opera.
Dressed up like a clown he was,
and sang out loud and clear through the whole thing.
Sounds as though he were appropriately costumed. (CHUCKLES)
Papa did Pagliacci with the Manhattan Opera Company.
You're joking.
At least he feels like singing.
Well, so do I sometimes, but I keep it to myself.
Aren't you having anything to eat?
You might like the sour pickles.
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
(CRYING)
(GROWLS)
Oh, shut up.
Hi.
You're crying.
You're late.
Is that why you're crying?
No.
I'm crying because...
Oh, I don't know why.
Cordy, there has to be a reason.
Angie...
We're gonna be married in just three days.
I... I know.
I'm afraid.
Ever since we got engaged, I never see you alone.
We never talk. We never touch.
I seem like a total stranger to you, right?
-You feel it too? -Oh, yes, Cordy.
That's why I was late today.
I was so nervous and worried about everything,
I decided to take a walk, to clear my mind, to get things straight.
I... I walked clear to the Delaware River.
Oh, Angie.
We can't let this happen.
Everything will be all right
once we get away from parties and our families,
and... And we're on our way to Detroit.
What is it?
MAN: Hold it.
Uh, just a minute, Mr. Duke.
-I'd like another picture please. -Later.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Is something wrong?
Cordy, there's... There's something I have to tell you about Detroit.
Yes?
Well, uh, I've been giving it some thought,
and... And I've come to the conclusion that...
Angier! Where have you been?
I feel like Daniel in the lion's den.
Excuse me.
I shouldn't stay away from my guests too long.
Mother, why do you have to act this way?
Oh, forgive me.
I don't believe it is my behavior that is questionable here.
What about those wedding invitations?
I don't know yet,
and you promised not to mention it.
Well, but we have to know.
Mother, this is a very difficult time for me,
and I wish you'd help me out
by going along with the Biddles' way of doing things.
After all, this is their house.
Angier, are you snapping at me?
Why, that's not like you. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, never mind. We'll help each other.
I promise I will do everything I can to keep the atmosphere peaceful.
-Thank you, Mother. -(DOORBELL RINGS)
And when we are out of all this madness
and you're on your way to the Ozarks...
Mother, I warned you not to talk about that.
Oh, yes. So you did.
Tell me, is there anything I can talk about?
Is there no one to answer the door?
Where are the servants?
(CHUCKLES) They're out there, fighting for their lives.
Young man, tell Mr. Biddle I'm waiting in the parlor.
I have no intention of going out into that mob.
ANGIE: Yes, ma'am.
Do you know who that young man is?
That is Angier Duke.
There are those who would consider the heir to a multi-million-dollar fortune
improper choice for errand boy.
And there are those sufficiently accustomed to wealth
that the only thing to be considered in such a choice
is how well will the young man perform the errand.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Drexel.
But I will have a closer look when he comes back.
He must be quite something if Cordy can spend a month in New York
and still want to marry him.
Well, if you ladies will make yourselves comfortable,
I'll fetch some nice refreshments.
There are those who consider New York the only true city in the country.
And there are those who wear bibs when they eat,
but generally speaking, they are not persons of influence.
-Indeed. -Indeed.
Champagne punch and some darling little sandwiches.
(SINGING) There are those whose social standing
Is constantly demanding
Every single thing we do
The public knows
Then there is a lower strata
Where propriety doesn't matter
I suppose
There are those
There are those to whom position
Is a natural born condition
To be worn with ease
Like comfortable old clothes
Though the nouveau riche deny it
All their money cannot buy it
Class will out
Goodness knows
But there are those
Watercress on toast, ma'am.
There are those who grace the pages of the blue book
Never heard of it.
Is it a new book?
Simply anyone who is anyone is listed.
Oh, you mean the New York telephone directory.
Hardly.
There are those whose names predate the Constitution.
Yes, and some of them oppose the revolution.
Conservative.
Reactionary.
Cream cheese and cucumber?
(SINGING) Philadelphia is the cradle of liberty
(SINGING) Slumbering like an aging page of history
Chop liver.
There are those who flaunt prosperity
There are those who flaunt austerity
Posing cozy on their rosy status quos
Poison dart? I mean raisin tart.
There are those quite influential
There are those inconsequential
There are those
BOTH: I suppose.
There are those.
Well, Mrs. Duke, I see you've met Aunt Mary.
Good afternoon, Aunt Mary.
Oh, Mary, I was looking for you in the garden.
-Not in that mob. -Hello, Aunt Mary.
Cordy.
Aunt Mary, this is Angie.
They've met.
Mrs. Drexel, I would like to ask you a question or two
about how weddings are managed by proper Philadelphians.
Mother, you promised.
What about the way weddings are managed by Philadelphians?
Would anyone like a sandwich?
No. No, thank you, John.
Is something wrong, Mrs. Duke?
Something is decidedly wrong.
I'll have a sandwich.
Let's all have a sandwich.
What about the wedding?
Really look delicious.
-Won't you have one, Mother? -I've already had one.
What about the wedding, blast it?
I would like to know, Mr. Biddle,
why the Dukes have not received invitations.
As I understand it,
the Drexels and the Biddles are coming by the thousands.
It is customary in most societies to invite the family of the groom as well.
But there was a separate box of Duke invitations.
Yes. Yes, I remember that.
Well, could something have gone wrong at the post office?
Well, John and I took them in ourselves.
-John? -Sir.
-See if you can find out anything. -Yes, sir.
I'm sure there's some simple explanation.
We'll certainly take care of it, Mrs. Duke.
These little things happen.
Little things?
How would you feel if the Drexels had not been invited?
They'd come anyhow.
They're relatives.
May surprise you to know that the laws of kinship
operate in New York and in North Carolina.
Only one thing surprises me, Mrs. Duke.
FATHER: Now wait a minute. I don't see any reason...
-MRS. DUKE: If you just take a moment... -(GONG REVERBERATES)
Stop it. All of you.
Duke pride, Drexel pride, Biddle pride.
Philadelphia versus New York.
I'm sick to death of it.
Angie and I have been shoved aside while everyone is busy turning our wedding
into the biggest production and the biggest fight in history.
It isn't fair.
And I'm not gonna let it go on this way if... If Angie and I have to elope.
Elope?
And make us all look like fools?
At this moment, Mrs. Duke, I don't care what you look like.
Cordy.
Angier, you had better speak to your bride.
This wedding is going to take place on schedule,
and it is going to be done right.
Once you're safe in our railroad car
and on your way to Arkansas, you can indulge your whim.
Until then...
"Arkansas"?
What about Arkansas?
Cordy, I'm sorry.
Well, what are you sorry about?
I have arranged for our private railroad car
to take you and Angier to Hot Springs.
Then back to New York in two weeks for the board of directors meeting.
(CHUCKLES)
Angie.
How could you?
Well, what, please tell me, is wrong with Hot Springs?
I'm sure nothing is wrong with it, Mrs. Duke,
but I am not going to spend my honeymoon there.
-(CHUCKLES) -ANGIE: Cordy, if we could
just talk things over.
Just like I'm not going to live in New York.
Oh, of course you're going to live in New York.
Because I'm not going to marry you.
-MRS. DUKE: What? -Cordy.
You most certainly are going to marry him.
She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
Anthony.
What happened to the person I fell in love with?
A person with dreams and spirit?
Someone I could believe in and root for.
Someone who can make a car any color you want.
Oh, no. I'm not getting married.
Then I'm not either!
Sir, I... I found them, sir.
Two hundred invitations.
They... They were lost under the clothes we collected for the Chinese missions.
That's very funny.
Oh, it really is.
You'll pardon me for not laughing.
MRS. DUKE: Angier.
Angier!
Angier.
John, uh, maybe you'd better follow him.
Yes, sir.
Mr. Biddle, what do you intend to do about this?
Do about it?
Yes. You do intend to do something, don't you?
Yes, Anthony. What now?
Well, I don't know. What do you suggest?
I suggest you talk some sense into your daughter.
For once, I agree with Mrs. Duke completely.
Now wait a minute.
What about trying to talk some sense into your son, Mrs. Duke?
Oh, I'll take care of Angier.
Uh, Mrs. Duke, may I offer you a lift to your hotel?
My electric is waiting outside.
Oh, how very kind of you.
It's comforting to know that there are those
who can be relied upon for support in times of stress.
They're trying to lay this whole mess in my lap.
We'd better get back to our guests.
They're trying to blame me.
Anyone can misplace a box of invitations, can't they?
You know very well, Anthony,
the invitations have nothing to do with it.
That was just fate lending you a helping hand.
Blast.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Did I, George?
(HISSES)
-Hey, here he is! -Come on, Mr. Biddle, come on.
-We want to drink a toast. -To the father of the bride!
-Now, now, just a second. -Outside!
MAN 1: A toast! MAN 2: Three cheers!
(ALL CHEERING)
(SINGING) For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
(PIANO PLAYING)
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Stout!
Did you ever try a good Irish stout?
Look, you stay away from me.
Just a friendly suggestion, sir.
You followed me here, didn't you?
The devil I did.
Do you think you're the only person
that comes into Clancy's Bar for a little rest and little relaxation?
All right. Just leave me alone, and keep your suggestions to yourself.
Stout.
I'm tired of people running my life for me.
As well you should be, sir.
Leading me by the hand. Telling me what to do.
It's a crime.
A man has to finally be a man.
-Right. -Right.
(SINGING) Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
As me father used to say
When the truth is nobly spoken
It's respect you've got to pay
So fill your cup and lift it up
And clink here's how
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink of it now
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink of it now
I don't mind telling you, John,
these last couple of weeks have really been rough.
Ah, it's a fact.
You try to please everybody,
and you end up pleasing no one at all.
'Tis the sad, sad truth, sir.
-I'll get away from it all. -Good idea.
I'll leave Philadelphia and never come back.
-Never? -Never.
Why shouldn't I?
There's nothing but trouble for me here.
There's nothing but trouble for me anywhere.
If I were to go to the ends of the Earth...
That's it.
I could join the Foreign Legion.
The Foreign Legion, sir, a fine group of men, sir.
I'd be on my own then, right?
Right!
(SINGING) Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
To them fighting legionnaires
To their outpost in the desert
And their gorgeous croix de guerres
(SINGING) To sailing for Benghazi on a rusty scow
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
BOTH: No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
Thank you, John.
I'll always be grateful for your help.
Where are you going?
To Benghazi like we said.
I can't let him get away, Or we'll never get things patched up.
Sir!
A moment of your time, sir.
Just a moment.
(SINGING) What do you do when the water's gone
And there's no turning back?
You're four days from the fort
The Arab renegades attack?
And the blistering sun keeps burning
Reinforcements can't get through
What do you do about it?
Do you blister easily?
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Ah, the Foreign Legion is not for you.
Drink up.
You're right, John. Running away isn't the answer.
Oh, you're right. I'm right, all right.
I've got to face my problem head on.
Now, what's my problem?
My problem is my family.
It always has been.
I'll change my name.
Renounce my fortune.
That's good thinking.
I'll take an honest job.
In a factory.
Or on a farm.
Maybe someday I'll have my own place.
Beautiful!
I'll be like everybody else, poor, right?
ALL: Right.
(SINGING) Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
To the simple average life
To the wages every Friday
That you bring home to the wife
To the sweat of honest labor
On your average brow
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
ALL: (SINGING) No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
Hey, set 'em up, Clancy!
Whoo!
Hey!
The drinks are on the Duke!
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
Thank you all.
-Thank you. -John,
I can't tell you how much this talk has meant to me.
Not at all, at all.
I'll write you when I get settled.
You'll write... From where are you gonna write?
When a man has reached a turning point in his life, why waste time?
(SINGING) What do you do
When you lose your job
The rent is overdue?
The landlord throws you in the street
The wife, the kiddies too
And the sleet and snow are falling
And you've got no place to go
(MAN CRYING)
Will you shut your face?
Can't you see I'm talking to the gentleman?
What do you do about it?
The simple, average life, sir... No.
Have a drink.
Well, I'm used to having money.
I might as well admit it.
I know.
I could make my own fortune.
-I could drill for oil in Texas. -Think it over carefully, sir.
-Could pan for gold in Alaska. -Don't be too hasty.
Wait.
The pearl trade in China.
(LAUGHING) The pearl trade in China?
The mysterious East.
Who knows what adventures I might live there.
Right.
-Right. -Wrong.
(SINGING) Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
Here's to China 'cross the bay
To them darling little oysters
And the pearls they give away
A man could make his fortune there
I will somehow
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
I'm off to China now
PATRONS: No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Off to China now
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Let's have another one, sir!
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
Ha!
Ooh! Ooh!
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
No shilly shallying
No dilly dallying
I'm off to China now
Well, well, well
One last drink on it
Then you're on your merry way
What'll you do when your sampan springs a leak in China Bay?
PATRONS: When the truth is nobly spoken
It's respect you got to pay
Then Oriental pirates come and take your pearls away?
So fill your cup and lift it up
-And drink here's how -It depends
No shilly shallying, no dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
Are you immune to yellow fever?
Bubonic plague?
Monsoons?
Locusts?
The screaming abdabs!
Oh, the shame of it all!
Do that again, me bucko, and you won't be going anywhere.
Clancy. Two more.
Have a drink, sir.
All the very best.
Are you all right, lad?
There's nothing broken, I hope.
I think we best be going to the hotel
to have the house doctor take a look at you.
Excuse me, John.
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GROANS)
(WHIMPERING, GROANS)
(OBJECTS CRASHING)
(GASPS, GROANS)
(WHISTLES BLOWING)
Hold it, I say.
Quiet!
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Quiet!
All right, now.
Who started all this?
Come on, come on. Somebody speak up,
or I'll jail the lot of youse, just as sure as my name's Flannigan.
Seems a shame to punish men
for defending their mother country, Sergeant.
What's that?
Well, I wasn't a part of it meself,
you understand, but I... I did see it all from first to last.
And?
Well, it all started when the young gentleman there
expressed the opinion that all Irishmen were pigs.
And the Emerald Isle a proper sty for them.
Oh, he did, did he, huh?
-Indeed. -I see.
All right, you two.
Bring young Mr. Fancy Dan along.
I'd thank you to come along too, sir.
The captain would be delighted to hear what you just told me.
I consider it me duty, Sergeant.
All right. Bring him along.
No fear, lad. I'm looking out for you.
Good morning, Cordelia.
Uh, how's Cordy this morning?
Have you seen her?
Well, I had a cold shower and a good, brisk walk, and now I'm hungry.
(RINGS BELL)
Thank you, my dear.
Yes, ma'am?
Yes, sir?
I think I'll start with some orange juice, and, uh...
Who are you?
Uh, I'm Debra, sir.
Well, good morning, Debra.
Good morning, sir.
I think after the orange juice I'd like some cereal, please.
Yes, sir.
Pleasant enough looking girl, isn't she?
Confound it, Cordelia.
You can't go on ignoring me like this forever.
And that's how long it will be before I respond to such childish behavior.
What do you want from me?
Let's hear it.
Some kind of confession.
That's what you want, isn't it?
Well, you're not going to get it, because I have nothing to confess.
Will that be hot or cold cereal, sir?
Neither one, blast it.
I'm not hungry.
I will admit I have wondered if Angie was the right man for Cordy,
but she made her choice, and I accepted it.
I think gracefully.
I've just been myself, that's all.
You've been yourself in spades.
Cordelia.
Where did you learn that backroom expression?
You played into every possible source of trouble from the first.
Oh, there was trouble to play into, I'll grant.
You didn't create it, but how you took advantage.
I deny that.
Then let me put it this way...
Have you done one thing to help this marriage?
I don't believe that's my responsibility.
Isn't it, Anthony?
I know of nothing I have done wrong.
Nothing.
You know it in your heart.
Or your wouldn't be so angry.
Good morning.
Good morning, Mother.
Good morning, Papa.
How about a jog around the square?
Why, Cordy...
Or maybe a few rounds in the gym, huh?
Confound it, Cordy.
You can't come popping in here gay as a cricket.
Why not? How should I be?
Cordy, what are we going to do?
About what, Mother?
About your marriage.
It's been called off. Don't you remember?
I'll be in the stable.
Cordy.
Cordy, wait.
-Cordy... -I don't want to talk about it, Papa.
I don't want to talk either,
but that doesn't mean I'm not going to.
There's nothing to talk about.
You never really approved of Angie, and you were right.
He's a baby.
A mama's boy.
He doesn't know what life is all about.
He'll learn.
Maybe you'll learn together.
But you can't take his part now.
I'm not taking his part,
but I've got nothing against that boy, Cordy.
I never did.
Except that I, uh...
I wanted you to stay here.
That's the truth.
You, uh, try to make a good life for yourself and your family.
Turns out to be too good.
So you can't resist trying to hold on.
Whatever you decide to do, Cordy, I'll back you up 100%.
But you decide.
On your own.
It's your life.
I'm... I'm finally giving it over to you.
MRS. DUKE: Where is he?
Good morning, Mrs. Duke.
If you know where he is, please tell me.
I'll find out in good time anyway.
You mean Angie?
Of course I mean Angier.
-Oh, what's happened? -He's disappeared.
Disappeared?
He wasn't in his hotel room all night.
His bed has not been slept in.
Who knows what has happened to him.
John?
Now, don't worry, Mrs. Duke. We'll find him.
-FATHER: John! -You called, sir?
I yelled.
John, I thought I asked you to watch out for Mr. Duke.
-I did. -What happened to your eye?
-He hit me, sir. -Angier?
When?
Last night at the jailhouse.
The jailhouse?
They'll release him as soon as I withdraw the charges, ma'am.
Well, we'd better get down there right away.
I'll hurry and get dressed.
FATHER: Yes, Cordelia.
Mrs. Duke, why don't you wait out here on the terrace?
John, bring the car around front, will you?
I will, sir.
Mrs. Duke, we'll have this unfortunate situation cleared up in no time.
(DETAINEES CLAMORING)
I may faint.
On this floor? Don't even think of it.
(MEN WHISTLING)
Uh, Mrs. Duke,
perhaps it'd be better if you ladies waited here.
All right, Mr. Duke. You can come out now.
I'd just as soon stay right here.
Well, that's a pretty silly attitude.
It isn't silly at all.
I'm afraid if I stand up my head'll fall off.
Did you ever try a good Irish stout?
Come along. Come along, Mr. Duke. It's time to go now.
Why couldn't you let me out last night when I wanted out?
Where was it you wanted to go last night?
I had decided on China.
How do you feel about China this morning?
Terrible.
Sergeant, would you give us a minute?
Oh, certainly, certainly.
Young man...
It's time you woke up to your responsibilities.
Now, I want you to get this marriage over with and that honeymoon in the Ozarks.
Then report back to your desk in New York.
What?
You may think you want other things for yourself.
You may have some dreams of your own.
But you'll have to get over all that...
The way other people do.
You didn't get over it!
Well, there are darn few like me.
Now, you listen here, Mr. Know-it-all Biddle,
no one is gonna run my life for me!
I've decided that much!
Hangover or no hangover.
Is that so?
Yes! That is so.
All right, Mr. Duke, the door's open.
Let's see you have a try at running your own life.
Let's see how far you can go, hangover or no hangover.
Mr. Biddle...
I am going to ask Cordy to elope with me today.
-Now, wait a minute! -And don't you try to stop me!
Let me tell you one thing.
If you ask Cordy to elope, she won't.
Then I'll tell her!
-Angie! -Morning, Mother.
Cordy, you and I are going to elope.
Over my dead body!
Only if absolutely necessary, Mother.
Cordy, we'll stop by your house and pick up your things.
-No. -Why?
Because I think he talked you into it.
Cordy, I love you and I want to marry you, and he's got nothing to do with that.
I'm not so sure about that.
Oh!
So long, everybody! We'll write ya!
Angie, where are you going?
(SINGING) You can hear it humming, see it coming
Feel it everywhere you go
(SINGING) It's tomorrow morning, the future dawning
With a bright and shining glow
BOTH: It's a land where golden chariots
Are molded out of dreams
It's Detroit!
Detroit
It's Detroit
(CROWD WHOOPING)
You know, there for a minute,
he reminded me of his grandfather.
Started the whole Duke thing.
Well, if he's half the man I think he is,
this won't be the end of the whole Duke thing either.
(CHUCKLES)
(WOOD CREAKS)
-Did you hear that? -(CREAKING)
It's the floor, dear.
I never noticed it before.
This isn't a new house.
No.
No, it isn't.
(SNIFFING)
-I'm hungry. -Oh.
Poor dear. You didn't have any breakfast, did you?
-I'll ring for John. -I don't need much.
(BELL JINGLING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
What's that?
Hmm? The clock, dear.
Oh.
A new one?
We've had it 20 years.
Oh.
You rang, ma'am?
Could we have some tea, please?
And there must be some sandwiches left from the party.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Um... Did everything turn out all right down at the jailhouse?
Ah. Angie and Cordy are on their way to Detroit.
Well!
That's grand news.
That's right.
That's right. We're very happy about it.
I'll take that, ma'am.
Thank you, John.
Well, should we telephone the boys about the wedding?
Oh, they'll be in class.
That's right.
Better wait until this evening.
Ah.
-I guess we should let Aunt Mary know... -It's been a long time since we...
-Ah... -What was that, Cordelia?
I was thinking.
Maybe we could do some traveling now that the children are all...
That's a good idea!
I've always wanted to travel.
We can go to Detroit and see Cordy and Angie.
Oh, Anthony.
Yeah.
(SINGING) Let them go, let them go
Let them try their wings
Little birds were born
To fly
Not until they roam
Can they miss their home
And it won't be long
Till Christmas
When the branches are bare
The December air
Comes alive with frost and pine
And they yearn to be
By the family tree
Oh, it won't be long
Till Christmas
(SINGING) The years go by
And every night
You say sweet dreams, sleep tight
Then comes the day
You're forced to say
Don't forget to write
There'll be holly and popcorn
And mistletoe
There'll be songs by a fire aglow
Oh, it won't be long
Till Christmas
Let them go
It won't be long
Till Christmas
Let them go
BOTH: Let them go
(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Who would be dropping by this afternoon? -I can't imagine.
Hardly anybody lives here anymore.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
The, uh... The tea will be a moment.
Mrs. Worth's icing up a gorgeous chocolate cake.
Come in, gentlemen.
Sir, is Mr. Biddle at home?
Yes, sir. Will you come this way, please?
There's some gentlemen to see you, sir.
-Well, look who's here. -Mr. Biddle.
-Lieutenant. -Mrs. Biddle.
Nice to see you.
Sir,
a set of orders have been received at our headquarters
concerning your future relations with the Corps,
and we felt that these orders warranted personal delivery.
-I don't believe it. -Anthony, what is it?
When I tried to enlist, they turned me down,
said I was too old for active service.
Anthony, for heaven's sake!
Cordelia, I've been awarded
a provisional captaincy in the Marine Corps.
-I'm ordered to report to Parris Island! -(GASPS)
-Congratulations, sir! -Thank you.
-Congratulations, Mr. Biddle. -We're happy to have you.
-John! -Yes, sir?
-John, we're in the Marines. -We are, sir?
Yes! Bring out some of that good Madeira, will you?
You know, gentlemen, there's something to which
I've been giving a lot of thought lately.
Now, the French and the British have been in this war for some time now.
They must have perfected close combat techniques
which are more realistic than ours.
Now, I feel that we ought to send someone over there to observe and learn.
Anthony, I don't think that somebody
who's been in the Marines for less than five minutes
should be trying to decide Corps policy.
Oh, he's sure to end up running things, Mrs. Biddle.
He might as well start off that way.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, thank you, John.
You should have brought one for yourself.
I'm not much at making speeches,
but I guess you know how we all feel about this.
Mr. Biddle has landed, and the Marines are well in hand.
-Right? -MARINES: Right!
(SINGING) Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
As me father used to say
When the truth is nobly spoken
It's respect you've got to pay
So fill your cup and lift it up
And, clink, here's how
No shimmy shallying, no dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
ALL: No shimmy shallying, no dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
-(DOORBELL RINGS) -Oh, ah.
-Excuse me, ma'am. -Well, congratulations, Captain Biddle.
Thank you, Cordelia.
-Where's Mr. Biddle? -Oh, step this way, gentlemen!
We rushed right over as soon as we heard.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Well, well, well
Let's have a drink on it
As me father used to say
When the truth is nobly spoken
It's respect you've got to pay
So fill your cup and lift it up
And, clink, here's how
No shimmy shallying, no dilly dallying
Let's have a drink on it now
No shimmy shallying, no dilly...
What on Earth's happening here now?
I understand Mr. Biddle is going off to war.
I'm glad to hear it.
Maybe we'll finally have some peace around here.