Bye-bye.
Mike McCoy!
You're all wet.
l saw you last night at the Crazy Club. You sing great.
-You could have got me killed. -You sure killed me.
Oh, and what you do with a song.
Do you know it was all l could do to keep from jumping up on the stage.
Knock it off, will you?
You just demolished me and you're there yapping as if nothing happened.
-You're cute. -No, you're cute.
The way you sing, the way you drive, the way you get mad.
Mike, l really go for you.
Honey, l'm just about to go for you.
l can hardly wait.
lf you're not gone in three seconds, l'll put you over my knee...
l'll paddle your bottom until it's as red as that jalopy.
But l'm only wearing--
That's good, because you're gonna feel it, too.
So long, Mike, for now.
''So long, Mike, for now.''
Thank you.
This is our last night.
lt's really been great here in Santa Barbara.
ln fact, l don't know when we've had such a good time...
singing, that is.
Anyway, we'd like to thank you for your hospitality...
and we hope you'll ask us back.
Goodbye.
-They're a great audience. -We were pretty good, too.
-You were wonderful, Mike. -Would you pack my things, buddy?
l'd like to check out the cove before we take off.
-Sure, Mike. -Thanks, pal.
-My pleasure. -We'll see you in the car.
Don't be too long.
-l'll be seeing you, baby. -Yeah, sure.
Excuse me, baby. Sir.
-So long, anyway. -Mr. McCoy?
-Yeah. -l'm Howard Foxhugh.
-Of Foxhugh Motors? -That's right.
You put out great cars.
That Foxhugh Whiplash of yours, that was a good car.
-Thank you. -l raced against it once.
l know. l saw you in that race. You were pretty good.
Thank you. l'll be seeing you.
-Model J Duesenberg, '29, right? -Yup.
When l was a kid this was one of the most powerful cars around.
lt still is.
They sure don't make them like that anymore.
A Cobra 427.
That what you race in?
l did until this morning. Some squirrel ran me off the road.
Mr. McCoy, my secretary tells me you turned down my offer.
-Your offer? -$2,500.
That's a lot of money just to sing one song.
-So you're the kook. -l'm the kook.
My daughter's birthday is on the 15th.
l want you to give a private performance just for her.
l thought it was a gag.
You mean you'd pay all that money for one song for one little girl?
After all, it's her birthday.
-Why don't you get her a teddy bear? -She wants you.
-That's very nice, but-- -l'll make it $3,000.
We'll take it!
-Divided by four, that makes-- -Four goes into $3,000--
$750 each.
ls that dollars?
l'll expect you at my home on the 15th.
We'll give you the best performance of our lives.
Boy, is your kid lucky to have a daddy like you.
Congratulations, sir. You bought yourself a great group.
-l'm sure l have. -He hasn't bought one thing.
l'm sorry, mister. We can't make it.
-Why can't you make it? -Yeah, why can't we make it?
Because Mike says so, that's why.
We have to be in Los Angeles on the 15th.
-l can take care of that. -Don't take care of anything.
They're expecting me on the 15th, unless l break a leg, l'll be there.
You're a man of your word, l like that, but l am a man of my word, too.
l promised Cynthia you'd sing for her, and you will.
Who knows? You may even enjoy it.
There's nothing l enjoy more than singing for a girl.
But it's gotta be one that l pick...
not somebody who's paying me.
-Sorry, Mr. Foxhugh, we can't make it. -l'll make it $5,000.
Four goes into $5,000--
You divide the quotient from the logarithm...
and then you subtract the factor.
Look, here's my schedule for the next six weeks.
lf your girl wants to hear me sing, she can hear me at any one of these places.
Of course, there will be a few people around.
-Tell you what. You got a pen? -Yeah.
lt won't cost her nothing. lt'll be a free pass.
Let's load up.
-You're in the way. -Sorry about that, Curly.
You better move.
McCoy!
You'll be there.
You know what happens if we do that song for Foxhugh's daughter?
Somebody will hear about it. Publicity.
First thing you know we'll be on the Ed Sullivan Show.
Our records will be in the top 40. And then we'll become stars.
-Stars! -Stars!
Stars have responsibilities.
They have to keep appointments, sign papers, live in a house, stay put.
Yeah.
-And then you know what else happens? -We make millions.
Yeah, money. Let's be stars.
-No. We get married. -Married?
-You got to get married.
-You want that? -You must be kidding.
You want that?
Not me.
l'd rather stay single, do the things l like to do, race, singing.
Of course, you guys may have different opinions.
No. l don't feel any different.
-Yeah, who feels different? -Yeah, who?
Then that settles it.
-We don't want his $5,000. -We don't.
We don't.
l don't know about you guys, but l'm hungry.
Midnight supper.
We'll have bisque Daumont, fillet of beef with sauce bordelaise...
salade grecque, and chocolate mousse.
-Chocolate moose? -Pudding, dingbat.
Moose pudding?
Without the antlers.
Some kind of prehistoric animal!
No, it's a hound dog. Here you go, fella.
How about that? There were eight eggs in that recipe.
Maybe he doesn't like moose pudding.
l think it was a great pudding. The whole meal was.
-Thanks, Mike. -lt was terrific.
No kidding. l never knew a guy who could cook the way you do.
l'm not a guy. l'm a girl.
Girl. l've gotta remember that.
Why don't you remember that, for Pete's sake?
Wait a minute, you're no mental genius yourself.
-Yeah, you forget, too. -Well, nobody's perfect.
-He's right, fella. -Not fella !
-Son of a gun! -l'll get some wood for the fire.
Okay. We'll clean up.
Dishes, you guys. And take your time.
l'm gonna wait by the fire for Mike.
She's gonna wait by the fire for Mike.
-You wash and l'll dry. -Okay.
-Or else you could wash and dry. -Thanks.
-Hi. -Hi.
-You been looking for me? -Matter of fact, l was.
-You from the FBl? -No.
-The ClA? -No.
The PTA?
Parent-Teachers Association?
No. The Peeping Toms Association.
You've been following me, l don't understand.
l don't mind, but l don't know who you are.
My name is Diana St. Clair.
Well, you're the most gorgeous spy l've ever seen.
Excuse me.
l seem to be bumping your binoculars.
Now, where were we?
Doesn't my name mean anything to you?
Diana? Sure. You're the goddess of the hunt, right?
ln a way. But haven't you read any of my books?
-Your what? -My books.
l wrote 10 Ways To Trap A Bachelor. That was a bestseller for two years.
l think l missed it.
How about The Mating Habits of the Single Male?
You wrote that?
-Did you read it? -No, but l saw the movie.
-Why are you spying on me? -For my new book.
The Sex Life of Mike McCoy?
Bet that would make an interesting movie.
Now, wait a minute, if you get any ideas--
l'm writing a book called The Perfect American Male.
l've already done chapters on the doctor, the lawyer...
the athlete, the businessman...
the white-collar worker, the factory worker--
Now you're scraping the bottom of the barrel.
-Right. -Okay.
Why spy?
Let's make ourselves comfortable. l'll tell you all about it.
-Boy, nothing like a fire. -lt's kind of romantic.
-A shame to waste it. -What do you mean, waste it?
You know, if we had some girls here.... You know what l mean?
What am l, a hound dog?
l didn't mean that. You know, Les, l was just--
How about that Mike?
Here we are in the middle of nowhere, and he comes up with a girl.
Where you going?
-Where you going, buddy? -l'm turning in.
Buddy, pal, guy, Louie, Norman.
l'm gonna join a girls' band.
This is Diana St. Clair, the famous authoress.
-Hi. -Hi there.
You remember her?
Didn't you write 10 Ways To Trap A Bachelor?
Why, yes.
The Mating Habits of the Single Male?
-Yes, l did. -That was a great book.
l saw the movie, and it was dirty.
lt was an intellectual experience.
l was deeply moved. l can't recall when a literary episode...
-Fellas! -...captured the crux of the situation--
l read that book.
We have to restring our guitars.
-Why? -We have to restring our guitars.
Oh, yeah. We have to restring our guitars.
Nice.
What? The fire?
The way you got rid of your friends.
Cool.
-We've had lots of practice. -l can believe it.
The fire's nice, too.
You really live like gypsies, don't you?
lt's the way we like to live.
Are you serious about this book of yours?
Very much so.
Well, why me?
l'm looking for the perfect American male.
One thing that makes him perfect is that he's different.
He's not like everyone else.
You're different.
So is she.
When you find this Mr. Perfect, does he get some kind of award?
Oh, yes. He gets me.
That's nice. That's real nice.
Knock it off! Somebody's trying to sleep!
He's a real guy. Turned me down flat.
-Who turned you down? -Your Mike McCoy.
-l offered him $5,000. -l knew you'd like him.
He drives a Duesenberg, he races a Cobra, and he told me to go to hell.
-He's quite a boy. -Yes, l know.
l mean, he knows how to handle a car. l've seen him do it.
And that big road race coming up....
The Fox Five! You want Mike to drive it for you.
He's pretty well-known, isn't he?
Just one of the best singers in the country.
No wonder they call you Foxy Foxhugh.
Now, that's not a bit kind.
After all, l'm doing him a big favor.
Think of the publicity he'll get. A big boost for his career.
l can see it now: ''Famous singer wins big race.''
You mean, ''Famous singer wins big race...
''in new Fox Five car.''
Never entered my mind.
-Philip! -Yes, sir!
Make a note to call my public relations director.
Foxy, aren't you glad l wanted him for my birthday present?
First, he'll sing for you, and then he'll drive for me.
But Mr. Foxhugh, you said he turned you down flat.
You know what happens when you get excited.
Don't worry, he'll be here on your birthday...
and he'll be in that race, too.
But that's wrong. You can't force a man!
-And besides he told you to go to hell. -Philip!
You're fired.
Daddy, what did you do that for?
You know Philip faints when he gets upset.
Philip is 26 years old. lt's time he stopped fainting.
Well, he's sensitive.
l'd better get going. lt's a busy day.
The proxy fight, the big merger, and your birthday present.
-You will get him? -They don't call me Foxy for nothing.
Mr. Foxhugh, l think it's more than enough--
He's gone, Philip.
Hiya, Harry. l'll be right with you.
Listen, Les, on your solo, really open up, okay?
Got you.
Let's try that next-to-last number.
Just a minute, Harry.
Mike, before you waste any more time rehearsing....
What's the matter? Aren't we sold out.
Sold out? Canceled out!
-Canceled? l won't quit. -What are you talking about?
All the years l've been in the business, such a catastrophe l didn't see, ever!
Well, who'd cancel us out?
''Dear Mr. McCoy...
''this is to confirm your appearance in Santa Barbara...
''on the evening of the 15th.
''On completion of your concert for my daughter...
''l shall instantly have your schedule reinstated.
''Enclosed find check for $5,000.
''Sincerely, Howard Foxhugh.''
Our whole tour has been canceled! That miserable--
-Can he do that? -He did it.
l'm sorry, Harry.
He likes to hear you sing, this grown man?
lt's not him, it's his kid.
He must have broken into his kid's piggy bank.
Sorry, Mike.
She must be some kid. $5000.
l'd like to see what she looks like.
Any brat who could get her old man to pull a stunt like this....
Can l feel the check?
She's probably ugly. A rich, ugly girl.
-She'd better be, or l'll-- -Can l feel the check?
We're not gonna let him get away with this.
l should give him a good, swift kick in his--
Watch it!
l have to show him who he's fooling with.
Of course, if l did that, he'd probably mess up our tour, wouldn't he?
We'd have to go back up there anyway.
So it looks like our best bet...
is sing the one song and get it over with.
Yeah, might as well.
-Okay. Santa Barbara. Let's go. -l'm ready.
l kind of like Santa Barbara.
-Haven't seen you spying around lately. -Miss me?
Well, here it is again.
''Okay, fellas, restring your guitars.''
And l'll hit her with my snare drum.
-How's the book going? -Finished.
l sent it in yesterday.
Which reminds me, shall we set a date?
A date for what?
My publisher has to send out announcements.
Your publisher?
He's always wanted a big church wedding.
Besides, he thinks it will help sell my new book.
-Now, what are you talking about? -Mike!
-You've forgotten. -Forgotten what?
Didn't l tell you? You're my perfect man.
You don't know me very well.
Remember what l said l'd do when l found my perfect man?
Yeah.
-You said he gets you. -That's right.
And as soon as l domesticate you, get you housebroken...
you'll be the best husband a girl ever had.
Husband?
Over my dead body.
l'll see you around.
Let's go.
l'm going to marry you.
Almost ready?
l don't know how long l can keep Cynthia out of here.
She opened the rest of her presents yet?
l'm sorry l had to use such high-pressure methods to get you here...
but believe me, you won't regret it.
-You're gonna change my whole life, huh? -Maybe.
l saw you win at Sebring last year...
with a car that shouldn't even have been entered.
Sebring? What you got on your mind?
l'm bringing out a new racing car: the Fox Five.
How'd you like to drive it?
Look, mister, l'm here to do a song, and that's all.
As soon as l'm finished, l'm out of here.
lf l'm lucky, it's the last l'll ever see of you.
-Where's the birthday girl? -Here she is.
-Surprised? -Yeah.
Mike, sing something sweet.
Let's wrap it up and get out of here.
-You were wrong. She is rich. -But she's not ugly.
l know.
Mike, it was marvelous. lt was just marvelous.
-You're really too much. -No, you're too much.
You ran me off a bridge into a creek.
You messed up my car. You canceled my tour.
Are you still angry about your car? Daddy will buy you a new one.
Daddy will buy me a new one?
Anything goes because daddy can pay for it, right?
l almost got killed. Can he pay for that, too?
-The way he paid to get me here? -But, Mike, it's my birthday.
Oh, it's your birthday? Who are you? George Washington?
-You and your daddy can take-- -l just wanted to see you again.
So you had daddy buy me.
lf that's the only way you can get a guy, you're pathetic.
l'm sorry.
l'm really very sorry.
-Look, just take it easy. -l am pathetic.
l'm worse than pathetic.
l'm spoiled, and l'm selfish and--
-Just a little, maybe. -No, a lot.
l'm spoiled, and l'm ugly.
You may be spoiled, but you're not ugly.
l am ugly. l'm miserable.
l'm very lonely.
When l saw you, l just wanted you so badly.
Why did l have to ruin it?
Just take it easy.
l'm just awful.
-You're not awful. You're just-- -What?
A little....
-Mike, where are you going? -Just out of here.
Excuse me. Be at the track at 6:00.
Give you a chance to test-drive the car.
l guarantee you've never seen anything like it. l designed it myself.
And l'm proud of it. You're the man to drive it.
Forget it. Forget me. Forget everything.
Now, look, Mike--
Sweetheart, my publisher wants a list of your relatives.
Now, don't be upset.
He's agreed to a small wedding, but he insists on a large reception.
Look, l'm not marrying you. l'm not marrying her.
l'm not marrying anybody. l'm staying single. Single!
And then he kissed me.
Kissed you? That wasn't in the deal.
That's disgusting.
Wait till somebody kisses you. You'll feel differently.
We've got to do something. We've got to get him back.
Wait a minute, Cynthia, you're not serious about Mike.
l mean, l want him to drive the Fox Five for me...
but he's not my idea of a son-in-law.
Daddy, stop acting like a father.
l want him back for you...
because of the Fox Five.
Boy, if he drives it the way he drove at Sebring.
Oh, yes. Can't you just see those headlines now?
''Singer speeds to victory in fabulous Fox Five race car.''
May l ask?
How can he speed to victory if he is not there?
Philip, don't be technical.
Maybe if we kept him in Santa Barbara, we could persuade him.
To drive your car, l mean.
No, l'm afraid we've pushed him too far.
Mr. Foxhugh, you'll never be able to make him stay, sir.
Excuse us, Philip. Stay where you are.
l was thinking....
Cynthia, you're a chip off the old block.
Operator?
-Mr. McCoy? -Yes, sir.
Look, officer, if we're on private property--
-Just call me Tracy. Tracy Richards. -Tracy?
-Pleased to meet you, fellas. -Hello.
Okay, flatfoot. Cut the soft sell.
-What's the charge? -Charge?
That's not a béarnaise sauce, is it, fella?
l'm not a fella. l'm a girl!
-Fantastic. -Yeah.
The sauce béarnaise.
What's it to you, copper?
Look, officer, if we have to pay a fine or something--
Sorry, it's worse than a fine.
Can they give you the chair for trespassing?
-You have to leave town. -We're leaving.
Just hold it a minute. What do you mean, we have to leave?
l got my orders. A complaint's been made...
by an influential citizen, and....
-That can't be potatoes provençale. -Who says it can't?
Could that influential citizen be named Foxhugh?
Can he do this to us?
You don't live here. You don't work here.
He's a big shot. l'm sorry.
That's all right. No hard feelings.
-Can we leave in the morning? -Sure.
Who's he think he is, kicking people out of town in the night?
-Thanks, Tracy. -All right.
Well, so long, Mike.
-Be seeing you. -Yeah.
Maybe we can swap some recipes. l'm a gourmet cook, too.
You are? No kidding!
-Nice to have met you, Officer Tracy. -Yeah.
-So long, Mike. -Yeah.
-You know, he's not a bad guy. -ls he really a copper?
Sure, that's the new breed.
Mike, maybe we'd better load up and get out of here.
lf you let guys like Foxhugh push you around...
they think they own you, and they don't.
He made us come here, but he can't make us leave until we're ready.
But you heard what Tracy said.
We don't work here. We don't live here.
-What if we did live here? -We really don't live here.
What if we moved in next door to Foxhugh?
Next door to him? Pitch our tents?
-There's no field there. -Right. Just another big mansion.
l mean, how would you like to live in that mansion?
l'd like to live in a mansion.
How are you gonna do that?
l think l'd better start some investigating.
lt's a waste of time if we're leaving tonight.
Who said anything about leaving? We're staying here.
Good morning....
-Blodgett, sir. -Blodgett, sure.
-Are they still having breakfast? -Yes, sir.
-At the pool? -No.
Mr. and Mrs. Ranley never have breakfast at the pool.
The same as always.
-They're on the.... -North terrace, sir.
-The north terrace. -Whom shall l say?
l'd like to surprise them. You know.
Yes, of course, sir. This way, sir.
-Good morning, folks. -Good morning.
-Who are you? -Mike McCoy.
Mr. Ranley, l have a message for you.
ls it okay to speak in front of this young lady?
Young lady?
-This is my wife. -Are you sure?
Of course l'm sure.
-Yes, we've been married 38 years. -Thirty-seven.
-He is your husband? -Why....
Yes. That's Bernard.
You weren't sure, were you?
You both had to sneak an extra look.
You know why?
Because you haven't really looked at each other in a long, long time.
Tell me, Bernard, what did you see just then when you looked at....
-Violet. -Violet. That's a very lovely name.
Bernard, when you looked at her just then...
did you see the beautiful woman that you married?
Well, l--
You should have. She's very, very beautiful.
Why, thank you, young man.
Violet, when you looked at Bernard...
did you see the tall, handsome, vigorous man...
that you married 37 years ago?
Well, did you?
No, it's not her fault.
After all, l'm not as handsome as l used to be. Nor as young, either.
You're not as old as you're behaving, either.
And neither are you.
When was the last time you had fun?
Well, when?
Well, on our honeymoon.
lt's true.
When we got back, you went to work for papa, and ever since--
-We'll have to do something. Okay? -Okay.
A 1929 Duesenberg.
Just like the one papa gave us for our first honeymoon.
They sure don't make them like that anymore.
Bernard, please.
You mean the car.
-Mike, how can we ever thank you? -How can we thank you.
lt's nice of you to take care of the house while we're gone.
Forget it. You folks just live it up.
Goodbye!
Have a good drive. Don't worry about the house.
You did it! We're Foxhugh's neighbors.
Let's go borrow sugar, or do something neighborly.
Just a minute. Let him find out by himself.
lt'll be a big surprise.
l just hope we don't get surprised.
That kid of his, she's so gruesome, she might try something.
Well, you know, l feel sorry for her.
Anybody who looks like that....
You're out of your mind.
The Santa Fe road race will cover 250 miles...
of very dangerous driving.
But my confidence in the Fox Five is such...
that l am offering $50,000 to the winner of the race...
and $10,000 to any car that manages to finish ahead of the Fox Five.
-Are you a millionaire? -No, sir.
-Then shut up and keep writing. -Yes, sir.
Besides, with McCoy driving...
the publicity we get will be worth it.
But you don't have Mr. McCoy.
Yes, we do. Please come with me.
lt worked.
How about that?
l knew he'd come back, but l never figured he'd move in next door.
Cynthia, Mr. Foxhugh...
what has he done with the Ranleys?
Philip, l bet he has them bound and gagged in the cellar.
l thought he looked like a criminal.
-Bye. -Where are you going?
You don't think l'm going over there dressed like this. Bye.
-Philip, come on. -Yes, sir.
Hi, neighbor.
You're on private property, McCoy.
You're trespassing this time. l live here.
What have you done with the Ranleys?
Philip suspects foul play. Where are they?
They're bound and gagged in the cellar.
-Yes, sir? -The jig's up.
Might as well spill the beans about Mr. and Mrs. R.
Very good, sir.
Mr. and Mrs. Ranley departed this morning...
on a journey of undetermined length...
in an effort to renew the ardor of their initial nuptial vows.
That's what the man said.
During their absence...
Mr. McCoy and party will reside at Ranley Manor.
Sorry, pal. No bodies.
We're here, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Thank you, Blodgett.
How do you like that?
l like it.
And l like a man who can make up his mind.
Delicious.
May l have one?
-Give him one. -Certainly.
-l knew you'd be back. -You did?
Remember last night, when you told me l was a spoiled brat?
Yeah, l remember.
And l said you were right?
-Look, l don't want to go through it again. -You were right.
l am spoiled, but l always get what l want.
Up until now maybe--
l wanted you to sing for me, you did.
l wanted you to stay in Santa Barbara, you're here.
l'm here because your father tried to run me out of town.
Of course. We knew if we tried to make you stay, you'd go.
So the simplest way to get you to stay was to tell you to go.
So we told you to go, and here you are.
So, see? l got what l wanted.
-You're quite a girl. -You're quite a guy.
Mike, there's something else l want.
Well, do you want to tell me now, or should l wait till after you get it?
l want you.
l'm going to marry you.
Come and get it!
Remember, Mike, l always get what l want.
l can do better than that.
She's not going to get you, Mike.
l am.
-We've got trouble. -Oh, boy, have we got troubles.
Those girls mean business.
Yeah. We've got to save him from those two hags.
-Now, what takes a guy's mind off girls? -A new racing car.
Yes? Hold on, please.
-lt's for you, sir. -Thank you, Philip.
-Hello. -Hello. Mr. Foxhugh?
Would you like a certain someone to drive your car in the race?
What's that?
Do l want Mr. McCoy to drive my car? l certainly do.
Good! Then be at the speedway....
Be at the speedway in one hour, and bring the Fox Five with you.
We'll see to it that McCoy is there.
Now, this is very important. You must....
Fine. Wonderful. l'll be there.
Thanks, fella.
l'm not a fella ! l'm a girl!
lt's a good idea, huh, Mike, coming out here to work on the car?
No. Why do l have to leave a bunch of gorgeous girls for this?
We figured it'd take your mind off your problems.
Problems? Who's got problems?
Well, since l'm out here, l might as well check the new fuel pump.
Close it up.
Something's not kosher here.
You sure know how to hurt a guy.
-Start her up, will you, Curly? -Yeah.
l'll bet she'll go like crazy now.
l'll blow her out, then we'll check out the new carburetors.
Hey, what did he mean, ''not kosher''?
Boy, that car is something else.
-Yeah. -Beautiful.
lt passed you like you were standing still.
-Man. -You like it?
lt's terrific!
Hop in.
-Would you like to drive her? -Sure.
-What are you after now? -Who, me?
You sure pulled a fast one to get me to stay here.
Okay, then l'm pulling a fast one now.
There's a big road race coming up.
ls it the car's first time out?
And l want you there, right where you are now.
l'm gonna level with you. This car can do it. lt can take it all.
-Then you don't need me. -You're an insurance policy.
lmagination built this car. lt needs imagination to drive it.
That's why l want you.
Mister, if she feels as good as she looks, you've got a deal.
We did it!
Come on!
-Sure knows how to handle that car. -Best race driver on any track.
-Looks like your plan worked. -Yeah.
You seem pretty anxious to have Mike drive for me.
Well, the prize money's good.
You see, Mr. Foxhugh, if we keep him busy driving...
he won't have any time for your kid.
Hey, what did you kick me for?
Cynthia and Mike?
lf we don't break this up, they could do something terrible, like get married.
What'd you kick me for?
lt's nothing to worry about. Cynthia isn't even Mike's type.
Sure. Who'd want to marry a gorgeous millionairess?
-Yeah. -Not me.
-Mister, you got yourself a deal. -l'm glad you like the car.
l'll let you drive it, but you've got to promise me one thing.
-Well, let's have it. -Don't encourage Cynthia.
Cynthia? What's she got to do with it?
l didn't mind you singing for her. That was a birthday present, but...
now she's talking about marriage...
and that, of course, is out of the question.
So l'm good enough to drive your car...
but not good enough to marry your daughter?
-No, don't put it that way. -Okay, l'll put it this way.
lf l wanna marry Cynthia and she wants to marry me, we'll get married.
As for your car, you can drive it yourself.
-And one other thing. -What?
You're not gonna win that race.
That man's got to be taught a lesson.
You're gonna marry Cynthia just to teach him?
That'd really shake him up.
-Philip? -No, thank you, sir.
Champagne bubbles make me faint.
-Everything makes you faint. -Yes, sir.
-Champagne! What's the occasion? -We're celebrating!
-Philip? -No, thanks. Champagne makes me faint.
The bubbles.
-Celebrating what? -Your marriage to Mike.
To Mrs. McCoy.
-lt's not exactly settled-- -lt's a mere formality.
l think Mike will be good for you. You need a new kind of life.
What new kind of life?
Traveling on the road, living in those funny tents.
Let's see, there'll be Larry, Curly, and Les.
You could take trombone lessons and join the combo.
When we get married, that's all over. We'll live here.
Mike can head up your new sports car division. He's perfect for it.
Don't l know it. But, honey, he's a free soul.
Put him in a cage, he'll suffocate.
No. He's got to go on doing just as he's always done.
-And if you're his wife-- -Wait a minute.
-Did you say ''trombone lessons''? -Or tenor sax, or--
Wait a minute!
l knew there was something fishy about this whole thing.
Fishy? Come on!
Foxy, this is me, Cynthia, remember? A chip off the old block.
You made up this whole thing. You don't want me to marry Mike.
You're not going to marry him.
-Why, you are a snob! -l am not!
My hip, modern daddy is a snob!
And l told him to stay away from you.
That was a big mistake. Now he'll never drive your car.
Who needs him? l'll drive it myself.
Now look, honey, l am not a snob.
Mike's a great guy. l like him.
You need somebody who's ready to settle down.
A solid citizen.
Somebody your own kind.
Somebody who's dependable. Somebody like....
Well, like Philip.
You take him.
You may as well get used to the idea.
l am going to marry Mike.
-You all right? -lt's all right.
Watch the bubbles.
Hey, how come l've to be the grease monkey? lsn't this Les' job!
She's inside cooking dinner.
Watch out under there.
l just loosened the oil line.
Now you tell me.
Taste good?
Come in.
-What is this, a raid? -Yeah. Reach for the ceiling.
All right. Now, turn around.
Well!
Just wanted to see if you packed a gun.
Okay, copper, where's your search warrant?
No search warrant.
l just dropped by to say l'm glad you decided to stay.
Yeah? That's the first welcome wagon l've ever seen with a siren on it.
Keep your mitts off!
lf you want something to eat...
have some paté maison.
Thanks.
-You make this yourself? -Yeah.
lt's got truffles in it.
Yeah. You know, l only put in a little bit. Most people can't tell.
-l'm a gourmet cook, too. Remember? -Oh, yeah. l forgot.
-l'll bet you're good. -Not as good as you.
Say, Leslie....
Lester.
Les, l know we just met and all, but...
l'd like to show you my stuff, too.
-Etchings, huh? -No. l mean, l want to cook for you.
-Will you have dinner with me tonight? -Maybe. What are you gonna have?
How about escargot?
Yeah.
-And bouillabaisse. -Yeah.
And cantaloupe glacé.
Oh, yeah.
-Boy, am l bushed. -What a day.
Yeah. Me, too.
l think it was worth it, though.
We're gonna give Foxhugh a run for his money.
l think she's just about ready.
l'm ready for some of Les' good food.
l think she said she was gonna make a whipped-cream cake.
l wonder what we're gonna have for dessert?
Would you believe a whipped-cream cake?
Les?
-Hey, Les! -Where's Les?
l wonder where she is.
''l'm out having dinner with a friend.''
l thought you were gonna eat with us.
A friend? Wonder who she is.
-lt's not a she, it's a he. -Who he?
What about the whipped-cream cake?
''l'll save you each a piece of the cake if he and l don't eat it all.''
-Why, are they gonna eat it all? -How do you like that?
l like it. She doesn't get out enough. A girl needs a guy.
And a guy needs a girl.
You've had a tough day, and she's waiting for you.
She slips a tall drink into your hand...
and sits you down in a soft chair.
Then she massages the kinks out of your neck...
with those soft, silky fingers.
-And then? -Then you have dinner. A steak.
-Rare? -Rare. And a big pitcher of beer.
-Cold? -lce cold.
And then whipped-cream cake?
Hello, darling.
-You've had a rough day. -How did you know?
You just come with me, love.
How did she get in here?
l didn't let her in. Did you let her in?
-Time to restring your guitars, boys. -We already did that.
-Well, do it again. -That's silly.
Could be. Now, don't argue with Mike. You know he's had a rough day.
Watch it!
-She acts like a wife. -And he acts like he likes it.
There. lsn't that comfy?
Yeah. Feels good.
Those cool, silky fingers.
As soon as you've finished your drink, we'll have dinner. l've got--
-A steak? -Yes!
-And a big pitcher of beer, ice cold beer? -Why, yes.
-And then? -And then....
Can you hear them?
Then what are you uh-huhing about?
l can't figure that Mike out.
First Diana, then Cynthia, then Cynthia and Diana.
Doesn't matter who. lf he gets married, it's goodbye, combo.
Goodbye, dolce vita !
-What keeps a guy's mind off of girls? -A new racing car.
Right! Now if we can.... We've done that!
l forgot.
When your best friend's hung up on a girl...
-how do you save him? -Get him a different girl.
What if he's hung up on two girls?
Get him lots and lots of different girls. That'll save him.
Right!
What did l say?
Lots and lots of girls.
Give Mike a girl, and he's one happy fella.
Give Mike lots of girls, and l'm one happy fella.
-You're not a fella. -You're a girl.
Hey! You remembered!
Every girl in Santa Barbara is at Mike's party...
and l'm here.
You weren't invited.
That's my daddy. He always says the right thing.
That's what fathers are for.
Listen to that.
The night before a race, and he's throwing a big party.
You sure you wanna move your queen there?
Certainly.
Checkmate.
l've got a year or two on Mike.
lf l'm gonna drive tomorrow, l'd better get some sleep.
-Good night, honey. -Good night.
-Good night, Philip. -Good night, sir.
Cynthia, l'll take you to the party.
Oh, Philip.
-What did you say? -l said--
l heard what you said.
We weren't invited. Maybe they'd throw us out.
l don't want you to think that l'm boasting...
-but l'm as much a man-- -Now, Philip, don't faint.
l have no intention of fainting.
lf you wish to go to the party tonight, l'll take you.
lf they think they're gonna keep us out, l'll....
Well, just let them try.
l'll go up and change.
Now, don't go away.
All right!
Looks like our troubles are over.
There's nothing like a wild party to take your mind off girls.
Holy Toledo! The fuzz!
-What are we gonna do now? -Relax. l'll handle him.
-Don't get him sore. -Don't worry.
Hi there--
Fantastic!
Used your recipe.
Mine never tasted like this.
You want to help me rustle up some more?
-l mean if you're not on duty. -l'm not. l'm all yours.
This way, officer.
All right!
-Hi.... -Susan!
How'd you like to get married?
Not until l'm 50, 55, maybe.
l'm with you!
All right!
Hey, is she.... You weren't invited.
-Now, that's funny. l'm here. -That's right. She's here.
All right!
Hey, Les! Folks really dig the hors d'oeuvres.
What's wrong with Les?
Wait! You weren't invited!
-Don't tell us you're here! -Well, we are here!
lf you think you....
And if you think you....
l just thought we'd be welcome.
That's all right, Philip. We're here, and we're staying.
-Do you want to make something of it? -Not particularly.
-Do you? -No. Have a good time.
-We're glad you made it. -Thanks.
Cynthia, l failed you.
No, you didn't, Philip. ln fact, you did something marvelous.
-l did? -You didn't faint.
Hey, that's right!
See you later.
-Cynthia, l'd like to talk to you! -Later, Philip.
Not later. Now.
Daddy! Well! Fancy meeting you here.
Yeah.
l couldn't sleep, so here l am.
Cynthia, have fun.
But do me a favor. Forget about Mike.
She's not with Mike. She's with me.
-Mr. Foxhugh? -Yes?
l think we have something in common. Can we talk?
We certainly can.
Sit down.
Cynthia, l have to say this to you now.
Well, say it. Go ahead.
And don't interrupt me!
Ever since we were children, you know our family has talked about it, and....
-Do you mean us? -Us.
We!
Philip, we are not meant for each other.
Why not?
For one thing, how can l marry you when l'm gonna marry Mike?
Mike! That's all l hear. What do you see in him?
He is everything a woman wants.
He's strong, brave, kind, and....
Well, he does things!
-Cynthia ! -Philip!
l can do things, too.
Of course, l've never been a father...
but it seems to me that Cynthia and Mike...
-just don't belong together. -You haven't told me your name.
-Diana St. Clair. Now, really-- -Diana St....
You wrote Mating Habits of the Single Male.
Yes. Perhaps if you sent her off to Europe--
Did you actually dress up like a man and live with a platoon of marines?
You may think this is just a silly crush--
Your analysis of the mating motivation was right on the button.
l admire an intelligent woman.
l know men, and he's ripe! Now, if....
What did you say?
l said, ''l admire an intelligent woman.''
Why, thank you.
What did you want with Mike?
That's why you're so concerned about Cynthia, isn't it?
-l'm going to marry him. -l don't get it!
Sure, he's an intelligent, good-looking guy.
He has talent. But why would a woman--
Hasn't Cynthia told you?
We're not talking about Cynthia. We're talking about you.
Me? Mr. Foxhugh, we've just met.
-You don't even know me. -No?
l've read everything you've written...
and believe me, l know you.
You told a lot of intimate things about yourself.
ln bed, you don't wear any--
-Okay, you know me. -Right.
l know the kind of man you should marry.
-Not Mike? -No. He's not the man for you.
Sure, you need a man like Mike.
Somebody who's strong, vigorous, with a mind of his own...
but older, more mature.
Somebody who...
can appreciate an intelligent woman.
Why, Mr. Foxhugh.
-You know, she was right. -She's not a fellow.
Boy, is she a girl!
lt won't be so bad if Mike marries Les.
At least she can still play drums.
lt's me. lt had to be me.
l knew it from the first time l played drums for you.
l want to talk to you.
-Come on, Tracy, what's the matter? -l want the facts!
-l was turning the corner and this car-- -Forget the car. Are you marrying Les?
-You're not gonna marry her. -l told you Cynthia and l--
Not Cynthia. Diana.
l'd like to know your intentions pertaining to Cynthia !
-l gotta think about it. -Think about it?
l'll let you know after the race.
l think better when l'm driving.
-Mike, would you do us a favor? -Yeah.
Win, and just keep on moving!
We'll pick up the prize money and meet you later.
Are you kidding?
Thank you!
-How was it? -We had a marvelous time!
-You look 20 years younger. -Feel 20 years younger!
She drove the Duesenberg like the dickens in time to get here for the race.
All drivers to their starting positions!
You got here just in time.
-Mr. Ranley. -Good luck.
-Good luck! -Good luck to you. You're gonna need it.
l'm gonna beat you, Mr. Foxhugh. l'll beat the pants off you.
l'll be waiting for you at the finish line. We'll see who's got pants on.
12, 1 1...
10, 9...
8, 7....
-Philip? -That's right.
-What are you doing here? -l'm gonna win this race.
ln what car?
And they're off!
Philip!
The Duesenberg!
He's going to race the Duesenberg.
l knew we should have stopped at the last gas station.
Hey, Shorty!
What's the trouble?
The battery's dead. They've disqualified me.
Yeah?
She's still breathing!
l'll tell you what. l'll drive the car for you.
lf l win the race, you keep all the money.
That's Mike McCoy...
taking over Jody Blumquist's S.B. Special!
l'm ahead! l'm ahead!
l mustn't faint!
l'm ahead!
Look out!
Philip? You're fired!
Come on, Mike! Let's go!
And the winner is Mike McCoy in Jody Blumquist's S.B. Special!
We did it! We won!
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Well?
-Have you made up your mind? -Which one are you gonna marry?
l'm gonna marry all of them.
And that's just what l did.
l married Cynthia...
to Philip.
l married Diana...
to Howard.
And l married Les...
to Tracy.
As for me, l'm still single. But....
All right!