1
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:09,410
[the beach boys' the monkey's uncle]

2
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,250
Uh-huh, she loves the monkey's
uncle, yeah, yeah

3
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:19,120
She loves the monkey's uncle, whoa, whoa

4
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,089
She loves the monkey's uncle

5
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,225
And the monkey's uncle's ape for me

6
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,628
Well, I don't care what
the whole world thinks

7
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,231
She loves the monkey's uncle

8
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:33,534
Call us a couple of missing links

9
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,204
She loves the monkey's uncle

10
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,806
Love all his monkeyshines whoo ooh ooh

11
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:42,243
Every day is valentine's

12
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,544
I love the monkey's uncle

13
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,180
And the monkey's uncle's ape for me

14
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,782
Ape for me

15
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:52,653
Uh-huh, she loves the monkey's
uncle, yeah, yeah

16
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,523
She loves the monkey's uncle, whoa, whoa

17
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,525
She loves the monkey's uncle

18
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,860
And the monkey's uncle's ape for me

19
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:04,232
We kiss and my heart jumps like a clown

20
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,767
(beach boys) the monkey's uncle

21
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,870
Feels like the circus just came to town

22
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,773
She loves the monkey's uncle

23
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,776
I'd live in a jungle gym whoo ooh ooh

24
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,446
In order to be with him

25
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,114
I love the monkey's uncle

26
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,750
And I wish I were the monkey's aunt

27
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:28,789
Monkey's aunt [guitar solo]

28
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,479
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

29
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,715
On the day he marries me

30
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:59,287
What a nutty family tree a bride

31
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,355
A groom, a chimpanzee

32
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:04,625
(Jennifer) he's the booby prize

33
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,860
She loves the monkey's uncle

34
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,631
He's the guy I idolize

35
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,167
She loves the monkey's uncle

36
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,669
Love all his monkeyshines whoo ooh ooh

37
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,806
Every day is valentine's

38
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,408
I love the monkey's uncle

39
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,710
And the monkey's uncle's ape for me

40
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,646
Ape for me

41
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:29,383
Uh-huh, she loves the monkey's
uncle, yeah, yeah

42
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,253
She loves the monkey's uncle, whoa, whoa

43
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,921
I love the monkey's uncle

44
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,657
And I’m mad about his chimpanzee

45
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,692
[applause]

46
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,400
Your name is Merlin Jones,

47
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,402
And you're a student at Midvale college.

48
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:49,803
Yes, your honor.

49
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,939
Mr. Jones, you realize

50
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,575
This is a most unusual adoption petition.

51
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,477
Yes, your honor, I do.

52
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,611
In the first place, you don't have

53
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,481
The written consent of the natural parents.

54
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,915
Well, I-I can't get that, sir.

55
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,617
Are they alive?

56
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,919
They may be. If they are,
they're somewhere in Africa.

57
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,521
And in the second place,

58
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:10,391
[chuckling] well, you, the adopting parent,

59
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,492
A-are an unmarried male.

60
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,993
That's correct, sir.

61
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,662
And in the third place,

62
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,365
There's, uh, no precedent
for adopting a chimpanzee.

63
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,066
I know that, your honor.

64
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:22,770
(judge holms by) tell me, why are you
so anxious to adopt this chimpanzee?

65
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,005
To give him the advantages of a good home.

66
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,474
But you don't have to adopt him

67
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:29,243
To give him a nice clean cage

68
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,744
And a bunch of bananas.

69
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,847
[laughter] your honor,
I want Stanley to have more than that.

70
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,683
I want him to have a
stimulating environment.

71
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,750
I want him to have a chance

72
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,852
To realize his full
intellectual possibilities.

73
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,554
Yes, I remember.

74
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,290
Uh, you believe that chimps

75
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,024
Can be trained to think like humans.

76
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,158
Yes, sir.

77
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,295
I believe that Stanley can
be taught to work and think

78
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,696
On a college-student level.

79
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,264
Well, that seems reasonable.

80
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:51,532
I know college students

81
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,567
Who work and think on a chimpanzee level.

82
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,568
[laughter]

83
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,869
(Merlin) yes, sir.

84
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,705
And if Stanley had legal
status, he'd be protected.

85
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,673
People couldn't be complaining
or phoning the police

86
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,509
About him living in the
house and things like that.

87
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,278
Will the young lady who testified

88
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,314
As a character witness for Mr. Jones

89
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,981
Please come forward?

90
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,857
You testified that Merlin
Jones is of good character

91
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,959
And is a sober and industrious citizen.

92
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:19,993
Yes, sir, he is.

93
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,128
Do you believe

94
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,564
That he will give Stanley
every care and affection?

95
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,799
Oh, Merlin is very affectionate.

96
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:26,800
[laughter] oh.

97
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,437
I mean, he's very responsible,

98
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,404
And I’m sure he'll see

99
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,773
That Stanley gets lots
of care and affection.

100
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,543
Thank you.

101
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,545
Uh, Mr. Jones, uh...

102
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,547
After due consideration of this matter,

103
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,415
I have reached my decision.

104
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,685
Uh, the petition for formal
adoption as presented

105
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,688
Is herewith denied.

106
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,558
However, it is not now, nor ever,

107
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:51,625
The intention of this court

108
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:55,963
To stifle the academic
freedom of this community.

109
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:59,099
Mr. Jones, to provide you
with the proper status

110
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,702
Within which Stanley’s mental capacities

111
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,437
May be brought to full flower,

112
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:06,874
I am persuaded that some form

113
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,976
Of conditional guardianship
may be in order.

114
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,845
So, henceforth, you will be regarded

115
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,080
In the eyes of this court

116
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:17,084
And are so appointed as the monkey's uncle.

117
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,686
Oh, thank you, sir!

118
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,554
But he's not a monkey, sir. He's a chimp.

119
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:21,789
Oh, yes, yes, of course, a chimp.

120
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,957
[chattering]

121
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:27,094
[laughter]

122
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,798
Uh, order! Order in the court!

123
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,700
[laughter continues]

124
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,438
Oh, uh, bailiff, next petition, please.

125
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,606
Uh...

126
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,548
Oh, Stanley. You're civilized now, Stanley,

127
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,583
Which means that there's more to life

128
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,119
Than just eating and sleeping
and watching westerns.

129
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,521
[channel changes]

130
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,556
There, that's Beethoven’s fifth symphony.

131
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,425
It's a lot better than
cowboys and indians, isn't it?

132
00:05:57,458 --> 00:06:00,428
[Beethoven’s symphony no. 5]

133
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,839
[yawns]

134
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,950
[uptempo music]

135
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,253
No, Stanley,

136
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,857
The idea is to expose you
to intellectual influences.

137
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,124
[channel changes]

138
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,960
That's better, isn't it?

139
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:36,764
[Beethoven’s symphony no. 5]

140
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,433
You tired, son?

141
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,969
Of course you are. It's late.

142
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,104
Come on, Stanley, it's bedtime.

143
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,441
There you go.

144
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,010
It's been a long day for you, hasn't it?

145
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,548
[TV turns off]

146
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,550
No, Stanley, you're forgetting something.

147
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,623
We brush our teeth before we go to bed.

148
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,963
That's a good boy, Stanley.

149
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,732
All right, Stanley.

150
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,601
Now, you see, this is your toothbrush.

151
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,835
The other one's mine.

152
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,572
First thing we do is squeeze
out the toothpaste on the brush,

153
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,707
Like this.

154
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,709
And then we brush our teeth.

155
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,243
Now, open your mouth.

156
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,978
Open your mouth.

157
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,781
That's good. Now, we brush up and down.

158
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:30,584
Up and down, you see?

159
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,052
That's a good boy.

160
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,121
That's very good, Stanley, up and down.

161
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,355
[doorbell rings]

162
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,825
There's someone at the door.
You keep brushing your teeth.

163
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,483
[chattering]

164
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,587
Jennifer.

165
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,855
Why do you look so surprised?

166
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,723
You're taking me to a movie, remember?

167
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,593
But I-I made that date before
I became Stanley’s uncle.

168
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:15,162
Well, that doesn't mean
we can't go out anymore.

169
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,633
[chattering]

170
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,620
But, Jennifer,
you heard what Judge Holmsby said.

171
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,589
I have to give Stanley care and affection.

172
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,990
The most devoted parents in the world

173
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,858
Get babysitters and go out occasionally.

174
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:47,595
Leave Stanley with a sitter?
I couldn't do that.

175
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,597
There's lots of girls at
school who do sitting,

176
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,998
And they're very competent.

177
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,132
I'll tell you what I’ll do.

178
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,066
I'll put Stanley to bed,

179
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,602
And then we can go out
in the yard and talk.

180
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,269
Merlin, stop fussing.

181
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,606
You take a beast fresh out
of the jungle, and you--

182
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,140
Jen. What's the matter?

183
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,610
Please don't ever use
that word around Stanley.

184
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,144
What word, jungle?

185
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,213
[whispering] shh! He might hear you.

186
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,148
Merlin, you're being absolutely ridiculous

187
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,316
About that chimp.

188
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,619
Ridiculous, am I?

189
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,622
Just let me show you
the progress he's made.

190
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,856
[Stanley chattering loudly] oh!

191
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,863
[chattering continues]

192
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,170
Progress?

193
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,145
Well, now, here's a nice glass of water

194
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,312
In case you get thirsty.

195
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,614
And in case you get hungry--

196
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:41,882
Merlin, you're spoiling him.

197
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,953
Jen, please,
let's not quarrel in front of him.

198
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:49,623
Uncle Merlin is treating Stanley
like a little baby, isn't he?

199
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:52,626
[chattering softly] but Stanley’s
really a big, grown-up boy.

200
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,294
Put these on his head.

201
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:57,631
One here and one here and one here.

202
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,299
Curlers?

203
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,034
Stanley, isn't this exciting?

204
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,703
Tomorrow morning when you wake up,

205
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,772
You'll be the only curly-top
chimp in the world.

206
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,139
That's not the idea at all.

207
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,775
I'm preparing him for a
little sleep learning.

208
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,209
Sleep learning?

209
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,878
You mean where they put what
you have to learn on a record,

210
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,279
And you let it play all
night while you're asleep,

211
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,747
And the next morning you know it?

212
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,015
Uh-uh, that's the old sleep learning.

213
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,149
I've got a new idea.

214
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:18,151
You see, I bypass the ear entirely,

215
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,120
And by bone conduction,
I pipe it through the learning centers

216
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,422
In the temporal lobes
and the precentral gyrus

217
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,124
Direct into his unconscious.

218
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,293
Isn't that wonderful, Stanley?

219
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,161
I've recorded these
records for him to learn.

220
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,430
12 easy lessons in civilization.

221
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,033
He'll have a lot of studying to do.

222
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,903
This timer will start the
record as soon as he's asleep.

223
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:39,773
Then he'll begin to learn
the many simple little things

224
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,275
That add up to being civilized.

225
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,212
Things you and I do without
even thinking of them.

226
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,016
Good night, Stanley.

227
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,017
Good night.

228
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,018
And good luck.

229
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,820
[chattering]

230
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:17,444
[Merlin on record player] when the
alarm clock rings, turn it off,

231
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:22,315
Get out of bed, turn on the coffee,

232
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,317
Put out the cat,

233
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:28,421
Take a shower and brush your teeth.

234
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,158
Now wake me up.

235
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,292
[ticking]

236
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,794
[alarm ringing]

237
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,331
(Merlin) when the alarm clock
rings, turn it off.

238
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,974
Get out of bed.

239
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,509
Turn on the coffee.

240
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,211
[chattering]

241
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,316
(Merlin’s voice) put out the cat.

242
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,954
[meows]

243
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:06,293
(Merlin) take a shower
and brush your teeth.

244
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,529
[screaming]

245
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,766
[chattering]

246
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:19,206
[water running]

247
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,777
[door opens]

248
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:26,146
[chattering]

249
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,917
(Merlin) now wake me up.

250
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,953
[chattering]

251
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,890
[chattering loudly]

252
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,059
(Merlin) wake me up.

253
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,028
Wake me up.

254
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,064
[chattering]

255
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,971
(Merlin) wake me up.

256
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,341
[chattering loudly] [spits]

257
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,179
You did it, Stanley. You did it.

258
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,114
You carried out your assignments.

259
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,216
Good boy! [laughs]

260
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,318
You'll be the smartest
chimp in Midvale, huh?

261
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,021
Aren't you, Stanley?
Smartest chimp in Midvale.

262
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,957
[laughing]

263
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,331
Sorry, I’m late, gentlemen.

264
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,467
That's quite all right, judge.

265
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,203
Mr. Dearborne has been
telling us once again

266
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,939
About our troublesome problem--

267
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,976
Students cheating on examinations.

268
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,243
Particularly football players.

269
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:33,246
All right, Dearborne,
we know you don't approve of football.

270
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,949
I have, therefore, asked professor Shattuck

271
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,319
To give us a report on the subject.

272
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,420
Professor Shattuck

273
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,056
Specializes in cheating on examinations.

274
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,457
[clearing throat, grumbling]

275
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,929
I mean, professor Shattuck is an expert

276
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,965
On the subject of cheating on exams.

277
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,467
[chuckles] professor.

278
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,937
I, uh, would like to assure Mr. Dearborne

279
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,205
That every time a student

280
00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,940
Develops a new method of cheating,

281
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,075
A new technique of cribbing,

282
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:06,413
Our security corps will develop
a new defense against it.

283
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,647
We've come a long way

284
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,383
Since Hugo dribble was expelled
from Midvale, Mr. Dearborne.

285
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,318
Remember Hugo?

286
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,586
He was in our class-- a great halfback.

287
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,290
He was great at stealing the
signals of the other team.

288
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:20,060
Dribble used the classic
and somewhat outdated method

289
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,063
Of writing the information
he needed on his cuffs.

290
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,332
He was caught in the act by an instructor

291
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,134
Who sneaked up on him wearing tennis shoes.

292
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,470
Was Hugo reelected to the
senate again this year?

293
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,340
You know, Dearborne,
he's presidential timber.

294
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,175
Elmer Teppet's contribution

295
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,611
Was a major breakthrough
in the field of cribbing.

296
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:42,349
Now, here we have...

297
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:46,219
A pen and ink made of vegetable coloring

298
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:49,356
And ordinary chewing gum.

299
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,959
Tappet wrote the information he needed

300
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,360
On the stick of gum

301
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:57,030
And placed it on his desk during the exams.

302
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,066
When the instructor became suspicious

303
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,934
And approached to investigate,

304
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,937
Tappet merely destroyed the evidence.

305
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,472
A resourceful fellow.

306
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:09,042
They don't make quarterbacks
like him anymore.

307
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,611
It took three years to
catch up with Elmer Tappet,

308
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,081
But we finally did it.

309
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,582
He was expelled--

310
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,184
Just before the big game with Randall.

311
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,319
You have a very good memory, judge.

312
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,454
We certainly missed him.
Lost 42-0 that year.

313
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,357
In conclusion, gentlemen,

314
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:25,592
Let me assure you

315
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,495
That as new super cribs are developed,

316
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:32,232
We will create super
techniques for detecting them.

317
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,466
Thank you.

318
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,334
I propose

319
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,469
We abolish football at Midvale college.

320
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,737
Oh, no, not that again.

321
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,771
Every time we have a problem,

322
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,740
Your solution is to
abolish the football team.

323
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,475
Football is the root of all college evil.

324
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,111
Oh, you only say that because
you couldn't make the team

325
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,278
When you and I were students here.

326
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,747
And you only defend football
because you were on the team.

327
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,582
Football is an important
part of college life.

328
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,583
Not only for the players,

329
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,986
But for the entire student body.

330
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:56,089
Judge Holmsby, are you in favor
of cheating on college exams?

331
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,224
No, of course not,

332
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,226
But you can't blame football for that.

333
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,362
Getting grades is only part
of acquiring an education,

334
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,097
Unless your idea of an education

335
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,099
Is to turn out memory machines.

336
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,101
I prefer the men and women who can think.

337
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,503
I made a motion to abolish
football on this campus.

338
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,739
And I oppose it strenuously.

339
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,374
[all shouting over each other] gentlemen!

340
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,109
Gentlemen!

341
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:19,579
Let us not lose our tempers.

342
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,584
I really do not think, at this stage,

343
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,220
It is necessary to do anything

344
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,756
As drastic as abolishing football.

345
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,626
However, I promise you, Mr. Dearborne,

346
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,095
That professor Shattuck

347
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,764
And his security corps

348
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,500
Will be particularly vigilant

349
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,236
During the coming examination,

350
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,373
And especially watch for
the football players.

351
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,646
[doorbell rings]

352
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,249
Good evening, judge.
Oh, Haywood, I’m glad you could come.

353
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:57,150
Well, what's the trouble?

354
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:58,651
A crisis, Haywood, an absolute crisis.

355
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,353
Oh, judge, this is Norman and Leon.

356
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,222
Uh, judge is one of our
greatest Mu Mu alumni

357
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,756
And a very avid football fan.

358
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,425
Yes, I’ve seen you fellas play, of course.

359
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,228
I only hope that I haven't seen
you play for the last time.

360
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,363
The regents haven't abolished
football, have they?

361
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,132
No, they didn't go quite that far.

362
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,101
Uh, Mr. Dearborne tried,
but he failed again.

363
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,236
Every year he tries to penalize Midvale

364
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,504
For not letting him on the team

365
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,606
When he and I were undergraduates here.

366
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,142
Gee, I didn't know Midvale
was that old a college.

367
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,143
[clears throat]

368
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,744
I played football for Midvale.

369
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,779
I didn't know football was that old a game.

370
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,382
Judge, the boys are a little confused.

371
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,118
Actually, the Mu Mus
still talk about the days

372
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,352
When you played football for Midvale.

373
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,387
They do?

374
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:37,424
The judge's name is Holmsby.

375
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,094
[chuckles] they called
me "hurry up" Holmsby.

376
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,429
Yes, sir, every time talk

377
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,630
Turns to football,

378
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,498
There are few great names
that come up again and again--

379
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,235
Knute Rockne, Jim Thorpe,

380
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,370
Red grange, "hurry up" Holmsby.

381
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,738
(Judge Holmsby) well, that's fine.

382
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,306
That's fine, Haywood. Thank you very much.

383
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,375
But I think we'd better
get down to our problem.

384
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,511
The board has decided to
crack down on exam cheating

385
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,646
And to keep a special eye

386
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,681
On football players during the exams.

387
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,883
Well, that means they
are abolishing football.

388
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,352
[chuckles] no, it just means

389
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,187
That the football players will have to pass

390
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,589
Their exams honestly to stay eligible.

391
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,359
They're abolishing football, judge.

392
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,661
Do you mean to tell me that
there are no football players

393
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,696
Who can pass their exams honestly?

394
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,132
No, no, judge,
most of them have no trouble at all.

395
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,901
But what makes the Midvale team?

396
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,203
This combo.

397
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,205
And without them, the team's washed up.

398
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,406
Well, they'll just have to study harder.

399
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,540
[laughs]

400
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,210
That's easier said than done, judge.

401
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:35,248
Uh... Yeah, I see what you mean.

402
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,385
Well, then we'll just have to
find a way to cheat honestly.

403
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,487
An honest way to cheat--
is there such a thing?

404
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,256
I don't know, but we must find out.

405
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,659
We have a very ingenious
young man here at Midvale.

406
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,395
And if approached properly,

407
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,630
He may put his ingenuity to work for us.

408
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,932
Judge, that's great.
Who is he? Merlin Jones.

409
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,802
Merlin Jones!

410
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,438
Merlin Jones.

411
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,276
I have to look for something in my purse.

412
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:06,313
[laughter]

413
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,649
I can't stand him.

414
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,651
Who? Don Haywood.

415
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,885
He's such a terrible snob.

416
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,654
Unless you're a member of Mu Mu fraternity

417
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,656
Or something else he
considers socially important,

418
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,258
He ignores you.

419
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,926
Has he ever said hello to you?

420
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,228
[chuckles] never.

421
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,929
Hello, Jennifer, how are you?

422
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:23,930
Hi.

423
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,266
Merlin, old man, good to see you.

424
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,535
We're having a dance at the
Mu Mu house Saturday night.

425
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,437
We'd like you to be there.

426
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,273
Isn't he nice?!

427
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,140
That snob?

428
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,675
Well, a person can be discriminating

429
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:36,809
Without being a snob.

430
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:40,280
And I hear those Mu Mu
dances are really marvelous.

431
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,682
Well, maybe so,
but I don't intend to find out.

432
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,417
Merlin, you must go.

433
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:46,486
Why must I? It'd be rude if you didn't.

434
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,522
I can't leave Stanley home alone at night

435
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,790
To go to a Mu Mu dance.

436
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,660
Stanley--is that why you don't want to go?

437
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,262
Well, after all, he's only a--

438
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,264
There's a sitter-service
number on the bulletin board.

439
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,432
All you have to do is call, and they send

440
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:00,533
a very capable sitter.

441
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,935
I'm sorry, Jen,
but I can't face the idea of going off

442
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,804
and leaving Stanley alone with a sitter.

443
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:05,905
Now, try and understand.

444
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,674
Oh, I do.

445
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,243
I realize Stanley is
more important than I am.

446
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,678
Oh, Je-- wait, Jen, don't say that.

447
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,945
Don't worry about me.

448
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,046
I've always dreamed of going

449
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,683
To one of those glamorous,
marvelous Mu Mu dances,

450
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,885
But lots of dreams don't come true.

451
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,820
A-all right, maybe we can go,

452
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,690
B-but we won't stay too late.

453
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,559
Oh, Merlin, I’m so glad you decided to go.

454
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,395
And I’ve got a new dress,
and I know you'll love it.

455
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,863
Well, o-okay, but--but we won't stay--

456
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,399
And I’ll take care of
ordering the sitter for you.

457
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,800
Well, just tell her it's
just gonna be for like--

458
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,801
Merlin.

459
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,403
Huh?

460
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,306
I forgot what I was looking for.

461
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:41,808
Stanley, I’m proud of you.

462
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,576
You've made tremendous progress

463
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,545
In a very short time.

464
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,648
But the main thing is your
concentrated studying.

465
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,918
Very good, Stanley. Very good, indeed.

466
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:52,885
You know, Stanley--

467
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,956
Stanley, your eyes look a little bloodshot.

468
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,825
Maybe you've been studying too hard.

469
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,428
[doorbell rings]

470
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,965
Hi, Merlin. Do you, uh, notice anything?

471
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,734
Yeah, Stanley’s eyes are a little bloodshot.

472
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,836
Not Stanley, me.

473
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,904
Your eyes don't look bloodshot at all.

474
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,039
Merlin, you're hopeless.

475
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,842
I've been trying to get
you to notice my new dress.

476
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,077
Oh, oh, well, uh...

477
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,946
It looks very comfortable.

478
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:23,750
Oh, forget it. Let's just got to the dance.

479
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,818
The sitter isn't here yet.

480
00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:28,421
I'm getting pretty nervous
about trusting her with Stanley.

481
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,457
She's obviously unreliable,

482
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:31,658
Or she would've been here already.

483
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,426
She wasn't supposed to be here until 8:30.

484
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,962
Well, it's exactly 8:30 and ten seconds,

485
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:40,533
And if she were reliable-- [doorbell rings]

486
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:48,040
Hello, I’m Lisa.

487
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:49,676
[breathlessly] hi.

488
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:51,811
Hi.

489
00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:53,846
Hi.

490
00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:58,418
This is Merlin Jones, and I’m Jennifer.

491
00:21:58,451 --> 00:21:59,686
Hello, Jennifer.

492
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,388
I'm sorry I’m a little late.

493
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,823
Oh, you're not late. You're just in time.

494
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,459
In fact, you're absolutely perfect.

495
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,428
(Jennifer) I wonder if it's fair

496
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,096
For Lisa to have to sit with Stanley.

497
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:13,099
After all, she is a babysitter. Stanley's a chimp.

498
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:14,901
It was your idea in the first place.

499
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:18,104
Don't worry about me. I love animals.

500
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:21,240
[laughs]

501
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,643
I'm sure Stanley will love you, too.

502
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:26,979
Oh, he's adorable. Aren't you, Stanley?

503
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,849
Well, Stanley, what shall we do?

504
00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:31,751
Would you like me to sing you to sleep?

505
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:32,819
Who wouldn't?

506
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,821
When you're ready for nighty-night,

507
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,889
I'll sing to you until you fall asleep.

508
00:22:39,592 --> 00:22:41,961
[chuckles] sounds wonderful.

509
00:22:41,994 --> 00:22:44,697
I think we should go to the dance right now.

510
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:46,098
I've typed out a few instructions

511
00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:47,700
About Stanley’s food and everything.

512
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:48,835
They're in the kitchen.

513
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,437
I'm sure Lisa can find them.

514
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:51,270
Good night, Lisa.

515
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:52,705
Good night, Stanley. Good night, Lisa.

516
00:22:52,739 --> 00:22:53,806
Have a good time.

517
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,074
[door closes]

518
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:58,445
Well, now, Stanley,
what bedtime story would you like to hear?

519
00:22:58,478 --> 00:22:59,679
[door opens]

520
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:00,913
If his eyes look a little bloodshot,

521
00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:02,682
It's only because he's been studying--

522
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:04,984
[laughs]

523
00:23:05,017 --> 00:23:06,819
[door opens]

524
00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:08,154
You can reach me at the Mu Mu house,

525
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:09,589
And don't hesitate to call--

526
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:16,829
[uptempo surf music]

527
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:31,110
Merlin, this dance is like
a dream come true for me.

528
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,979
The Mu Mus really do things right.

529
00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:34,714
They sure spend money,
if that's what you mean.

530
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,983
Oh, it's more than that.
They know how to spend it.

531
00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:40,453
And they treat us like royalty.

532
00:23:40,487 --> 00:23:41,988
I wonder what their motive is.

533
00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,856
Merlin, that's unfair.

534
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:45,692
Maybe.

535
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,594
Good to see you here, Jennifer. Thank you.

536
00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:48,728
Sandwich? No, thanks.

537
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:49,796
You too, Merlin.

538
00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:51,998
You know, you fit here,
like the paper on the wall.

539
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:53,466
Sandwich? Thanks.

540
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,768
Gee, I like your dress. Well, thank you.

541
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:58,705
You know, Jones,
we really do admire your taste in women.

542
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:00,106
Have another sandwich.

543
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:02,108
Thank you. They sure are good.

544
00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:03,242
[chuckles]

545
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,578
Tell me, did, uh, anyone ever tell you

546
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,714
That you were, uh, Mu Mu material?

547
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,582
No one. [clicks tongue]

548
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:11,651
I can't believe it. It's so obvious.

549
00:24:11,684 --> 00:24:12,985
We all feel the same way.

550
00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:14,987
That's why we've invited you here.

551
00:24:15,021 --> 00:24:18,257
The Mu Mus are exceedingly
interested in Merlin Jones.

552
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,126
Merlin, that's wonderful.

553
00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:21,193
Let's go in the trophy room.

554
00:24:21,227 --> 00:24:23,596
It's much more comfortable
there, and we can talk.

555
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:25,131
Excuse us? Of course.

556
00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:27,133
Maybe while they're in there talking business,

557
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:28,868
I could talk you into a dance.

558
00:24:28,901 --> 00:24:30,870
I'd love to. Good.

559
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,873
[slow jazz music]

560
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,742
Sit down, Merlin. Sit down.

561
00:24:35,775 --> 00:24:37,577
Well, thank you.

562
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:39,245
Now, the reason that we're
interested in you, Merlin,

563
00:24:39,278 --> 00:24:41,714
Is because we have always
had the cream of the campus--

564
00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:43,650
The best athletes, the best dancers,

565
00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:46,586
The most skilled politicians,
the most popular men in college.

566
00:24:46,619 --> 00:24:48,254
[chuckles] well, where do I fit in?

567
00:24:48,287 --> 00:24:50,256
We'd like to have the best in everything,

568
00:24:50,289 --> 00:24:51,591
Including scholarship.

569
00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:53,125
We've always had eight or ten athletes,

570
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:54,260
Half a dozen politicians,

571
00:24:54,293 --> 00:24:55,728
Three or four of each of the others,

572
00:24:55,762 --> 00:24:57,597
And one student. Only one?

573
00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:58,731
(Norman) we figured

574
00:24:58,765 --> 00:25:01,200
One brain in the chapter was enough.

575
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:02,234
[cough]

576
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:04,136
Well, in a way,
it makes it even more of an honor

577
00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:06,105
That we've asked you to be
the one brain of the Mu Mus.

578
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:08,140
Yes, I guess it is an honor.

579
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:09,842
Of course, there's a little responsibility

580
00:25:09,876 --> 00:25:10,843
That goes along with it.

581
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:13,279
We'll expect you to help our key football players

582
00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:16,048
Pass their exams,
so they'll stay eligible for the team.

583
00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:18,250
Sure, I’ll be happy to help
them study anytime they wish.

584
00:25:18,284 --> 00:25:19,586
I, uh...

585
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,588
I don't think you dig what I’m saying.

586
00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:22,989
It's Norman and Leon--

587
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,124
They're not exactly the studious types.

588
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:30,863
Wha--what do you expect me to do?

589
00:25:30,897 --> 00:25:32,331
It was Judge Holmsby's idea.

590
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,735
He told us that you were sort of, uh, ingenious

591
00:25:35,768 --> 00:25:37,003
And that you could, uh...

592
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,039
Well, uh, fix things up for them.

593
00:25:40,072 --> 00:25:43,009
If you mean cribbing, now, that's out,

594
00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:46,713
Because cheating on exams is
just as dishonest as stealing.

595
00:25:46,746 --> 00:25:48,280
Now, wait a minute, Merlin.

596
00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:50,016
The judge said that you were so ingenious

597
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,885
That you could figure out an honest way to cheat.

598
00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:54,621
An honest way to cheat?

599
00:25:54,654 --> 00:25:55,688
Sure. Look at it this way.

600
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,890
No one would put you and
Norman in the ring together

601
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:00,092
To slug it out because it wouldn't be fair.

602
00:26:00,126 --> 00:26:03,730
We could try it. [laughs]

603
00:26:03,763 --> 00:26:04,731
But they put you in the same classroom.

604
00:26:04,764 --> 00:26:05,732
They give you the same exams.

605
00:26:05,765 --> 00:26:06,733
Is that fair?

606
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:08,635
No, it isn't.

607
00:26:08,668 --> 00:26:09,869
In the ring, Norman’s a heavyweight,

608
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:11,003
And you're a middleweight.

609
00:26:11,037 --> 00:26:12,605
In the classroom, you're a heavyweight,

610
00:26:12,639 --> 00:26:14,173
And Norman’s a flyweight.

611
00:26:14,206 --> 00:26:17,744
What we're asking you to do is fight injustice.

612
00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:19,145
Look, I’m willing to help anyone

613
00:26:19,178 --> 00:26:20,880
Who wants to study for his exams.

614
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:24,016
But if he can't study or if
he doesn't want to study,

615
00:26:24,050 --> 00:26:26,719
Then what's he doing in college, anyway?

616
00:26:26,753 --> 00:26:29,021
[music continues]

617
00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:32,191
He doesn't have a Mu Mu bone in his body.

618
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:35,161
They were so nice to you.

619
00:26:35,194 --> 00:26:37,029
It wouldn't have hurt you to help them.

620
00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:38,631
Well, I did offer to help them study,

621
00:26:38,665 --> 00:26:40,032
But they wanted me to cheat for them.

622
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:41,734
And that's against your principles, of course,

623
00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,736
So now you're not going to be a Mu Mu.

624
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:46,105
Well, does it mean that much to you? Yes, it does.

625
00:26:46,138 --> 00:26:48,407
I mean, a girl likes to go to a dance once in a while,

626
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,409
Instead of spending every night of her life

627
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:52,745
Watching scientific experiments.

628
00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,413
And, anyway, you said they wanted you to invent

629
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:55,381
An honest way to cheat.

630
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:58,317
How could I ever invent a thing like that?

631
00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:03,022
Merlin.

632
00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:04,423
Hmm?

633
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,759
I believe you can do anything

634
00:27:06,793 --> 00:27:09,428
If you really put your mind to it.

635
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,297
You really think I can?

636
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:13,332
I know you can.

637
00:27:20,206 --> 00:27:22,441
(Merlin) but, judge, it will work. I'm certain of it.

638
00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:23,876
And it's honest cheating,

639
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,411
Because it doesn't matter how you learn,

640
00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:27,146
So long as you do learn.

641
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,681
Sleep learning?

642
00:27:28,715 --> 00:27:31,017
It's an application of a sound scientific concept.

643
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,418
I don't understand it either.

644
00:27:32,451 --> 00:27:34,053
It worked wonders with Stanley.

645
00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:36,422
Yeah, but Stanley’s an intelligent chimp.

646
00:27:36,455 --> 00:27:39,792
The question is, will it work with, uh...

647
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:41,160
These two.

648
00:27:41,193 --> 00:27:42,094
(Merlin) in world war ii,

649
00:27:42,128 --> 00:27:43,896
They used it to teach foreign languages

650
00:27:43,930 --> 00:27:45,164
To men who had to learn them in a hurry.

651
00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:47,433
But we don't have to learn a foreign language.

652
00:27:47,466 --> 00:27:48,901
We have to learn English.

653
00:27:48,935 --> 00:27:51,303
But English is a foreign language.

654
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:53,005
Well, England’s a foreign country, isn't it?

655
00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:56,042
[sighs] you have to learn English literature.

656
00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:57,176
(Judge Holms by) I’m all

657
00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:58,778
For going ahead with Merlin’s idea.

658
00:27:58,811 --> 00:28:01,180
In the first place, we have no alternative.

659
00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:04,183
And in the second place...

660
00:28:04,216 --> 00:28:06,685
Well, there's nothing else to do.

661
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:10,289
I had Jennifer record all the information you'll need

662
00:28:10,322 --> 00:28:11,891
For tomorrow's English-lit class.

663
00:28:11,924 --> 00:28:12,825
I... [chuckles]

664
00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:14,426
I was sure you'd prefer her voice to mine.

665
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,295
Well, you're darn right we would.

666
00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:19,031
Hey, Merlin, what do we do
while this is all going on?

667
00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:21,300
You just sleep. Hey, no kidding. [chuckles]

668
00:28:21,333 --> 00:28:24,436
If there's one thing I’m good at, it's sleeping.

669
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:25,838
Well, everything's set.

670
00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:26,906
Good night, fellas. Good night, Merlin.

671
00:28:26,939 --> 00:28:27,907
Good night, Merlin. Good night.

672
00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:29,175
Hey, Merlin? Yes, norm?

673
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:30,743
You sure you explained to all the guys

674
00:28:30,777 --> 00:28:32,211
About these things on our heads?

675
00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:34,480
Oh, I’m sure. They all know it's
part of the football effort.

676
00:28:34,513 --> 00:28:36,315
Good. I don't want any trouble

677
00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:38,250
From the wise guys around here.

678
00:28:38,284 --> 00:28:40,052
Oh, sure, sure. Good night.

679
00:28:40,086 --> 00:28:41,420
(Leon) hey, Merlin?

680
00:28:41,453 --> 00:28:42,354
Yes, Leon?

681
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:44,924
You think we might end up with wavy hair?

682
00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:46,425
Gee, I don't know.

683
00:28:46,458 --> 00:28:48,094
Go to sleep, will you? Good night.

684
00:28:48,127 --> 00:28:49,095
(Leon) good night, Merlin.

685
00:28:49,128 --> 00:28:50,362
Hey, Merlin?

686
00:28:50,396 --> 00:28:52,531
Yes, norm?

687
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:55,201
I want a drink of water.

688
00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:57,804
No, you can't have one! Good night!

689
00:29:15,955 --> 00:29:18,057
[Jennifer on record] the Elizabethan period

690
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,492
Takes its name from Elizabeth I,

691
00:29:20,526 --> 00:29:25,798
Who was queen of England from 1558 to 1603.

692
00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:27,466
The outstanding literary...

693
00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:30,302
Furthermore, Geoffrey Chaucer
was the first English poet

694
00:29:30,336 --> 00:29:32,271
To use the iambic pentameter.

695
00:29:32,304 --> 00:29:36,042
And later on, he developed
many complicated stanza forms,

696
00:29:36,075 --> 00:29:38,444
The most famous of which
was the seven-line stanza,

697
00:29:38,477 --> 00:29:39,812
Or the rhyme royal.

698
00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:44,250
Thank you, Merlin. That's quite correct.

699
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:46,285
Norman.

700
00:29:46,318 --> 00:29:47,586
Yes, sir.

701
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,021
Tell me what we mean

702
00:29:49,055 --> 00:29:51,157
When we speak of the Elizabethan period.

703
00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:53,325
The Elizabethan period, sir.

704
00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:54,593
That's right.

705
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:56,162
Uh, what is the source of its name

706
00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:58,865
And what period it covers.

707
00:29:58,898 --> 00:30:00,299
And tell us who some

708
00:30:00,332 --> 00:30:02,902
Of the outstanding literary figures of that era were.

709
00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:05,604
[Jennifer’s voice] the Elizabethan period

710
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:08,040
Takes its name from Elizabeth I,

711
00:30:08,074 --> 00:30:11,210
Who was queen of England from 1558

712
00:30:11,243 --> 00:30:13,412
To 1603.

713
00:30:13,445 --> 00:30:15,581
The outstanding literary figure

714
00:30:15,614 --> 00:30:18,584
[laughter] of that time was William Shakespeare,

715
00:30:18,617 --> 00:30:19,919
Whose plays and sonnets

716
00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:24,156
Are among the greatest glories of English literature.

717
00:30:24,190 --> 00:30:25,457
[laughter continues] other writers

718
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:28,160
Whose soaring imagination and verbal felicity

719
00:30:28,194 --> 00:30:30,562
Enriched this period

720
00:30:30,596 --> 00:30:33,432
Are Ben Jonson, Christopher Marlowe,

721
00:30:33,465 --> 00:30:36,068
[laughter intensifies] Edmund Spencer, Francis bacon,

722
00:30:36,102 --> 00:30:39,305
Sir Philip Sydney, Beaumont and Fletcher,

723
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:40,372
And a host

724
00:30:40,406 --> 00:30:42,108
Of distinguished poets, playwrights--

725
00:30:42,141 --> 00:30:44,343
That's enough!

726
00:30:51,918 --> 00:30:54,921
But, judge, I wasn't trying to be funny or anything.

727
00:30:54,954 --> 00:30:56,188
It just came out that way.

728
00:30:56,222 --> 00:30:57,189
Most unfortunate.

729
00:30:57,223 --> 00:30:58,390
Now the professor's so mad,

730
00:30:58,424 --> 00:31:00,459
They'll have to get 90 or
better on the exam just to pass.

731
00:31:00,492 --> 00:31:01,493
90?

732
00:31:01,527 --> 00:31:04,130
But the thing is, they knew the right answers.

733
00:31:04,163 --> 00:31:05,164
(Judge Holmsby) did you?

734
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:08,534
Every word. It just came out in the wrong voice.

735
00:31:08,567 --> 00:31:10,937
And on the written exam,
there won't be that problem.

736
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,571
But 90%.

737
00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:31,457
Begin.

738
00:32:40,392 --> 00:32:43,395
[beeping]

739
00:33:01,247 --> 00:33:03,082
Oh, man, what an experience!

740
00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:04,750
You read the question, and--and pow, right there.

741
00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:06,752
The answer's right there in your head.
Oh, that's great!

742
00:33:06,785 --> 00:33:09,121
And you're sure you got 90% right?

743
00:33:09,155 --> 00:33:10,522
Oh, I didn't say that.

744
00:33:10,556 --> 00:33:12,224
That's what you need to pass the course

745
00:33:12,258 --> 00:33:13,625
And stay eligible for football.

746
00:33:13,659 --> 00:33:15,294
Well, I got 100% right!

747
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:17,329
100%? Yeah.

748
00:33:17,363 --> 00:33:19,565
Me too! I knew all the answers!

749
00:33:19,598 --> 00:33:21,600
That's wonderful! Merlin!

750
00:33:21,633 --> 00:33:23,769
Merlin, I want you to know that what you've done

751
00:33:23,802 --> 00:33:25,637
Will live in Mu Mu history forever.

752
00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:27,639
[all cheering]

753
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:28,740
The way I see it,

754
00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:31,643
The real football hero of Midvale is Merlin Jones.

755
00:33:31,677 --> 00:33:34,046
[all cheering]

756
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,248
I don't mean to knock Norman or Leon or anyone,

757
00:33:36,282 --> 00:33:38,084
But they wouldn't even be able to play football

758
00:33:38,117 --> 00:33:39,218
If it wasn't for Merlin.

759
00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:40,286
And I want him to know

760
00:33:40,319 --> 00:33:41,753
That I’ve had confidence in him from the start.

761
00:33:41,787 --> 00:33:43,155
I knew he'd come through, and he has!

762
00:33:43,189 --> 00:33:46,192
[all cheering]

763
00:33:49,328 --> 00:33:50,762
From now on, you must think of Merlin

764
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:53,365
As belonging to Midvale and not just to you.

765
00:33:53,399 --> 00:33:55,101
Oh, I don't really mind.

766
00:33:55,134 --> 00:33:57,236
Only he doesn't have to enjoy it so.

767
00:33:57,269 --> 00:33:59,371
[telephone ringing] excuse me.

768
00:34:00,739 --> 00:34:02,774
Hello? Oh, hi, Henry.

769
00:34:02,808 --> 00:34:05,111
Quiet, everyone! Quiet!

770
00:34:05,144 --> 00:34:06,278
This is it.

771
00:34:06,312 --> 00:34:07,779
That's the English lit grades.

772
00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:09,515
We got a contact that phones us the results

773
00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:11,117
As soon as the papers are marked.

774
00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:12,184
That's great.

775
00:34:12,218 --> 00:34:15,354
Okay, let's start with Leon.

776
00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:17,356
Leon, "f." "f"?!

777
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:19,691
(all) "f"?!

778
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,529
Are you sure?

779
00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,431
Well, what about Norman?

780
00:34:27,566 --> 00:34:28,834
Norman, "f"?

781
00:34:28,867 --> 00:34:32,671
[all murmuring]

782
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,306
What?! An "f"

783
00:34:34,340 --> 00:34:35,507
For Merlin Jones?!

784
00:34:35,541 --> 00:34:38,610
[murmuring]

785
00:34:38,644 --> 00:34:42,648
Norman, Merlin, and Leon-- yes, I’ll tell them.

786
00:34:42,681 --> 00:34:46,252
Wipe that lipstick off your face, stupid.

787
00:34:46,285 --> 00:34:49,655
You're wanted in the regents' office immediately.

788
00:34:54,293 --> 00:34:55,794
Now, professor, when did you first learn

789
00:34:55,827 --> 00:34:58,397
Of the conspiracy to cheat on the English lit exam?

790
00:34:58,430 --> 00:35:00,266
Just a minute-- that's a leading question,

791
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,501
Which presumes the guilt of the defendants.

792
00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:03,769
Now, the correct legal procedure--

793
00:35:03,802 --> 00:35:06,572
You have made your objection, Judge Holmsby,

794
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:08,907
And you do not need to explain legal procedure to me.

795
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:11,643
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn't know you were an attorney.

796
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:15,647
I'm not, but I watch all of the lawyer shows on television.

797
00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:17,249
Well, I suppose that's better

798
00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:18,517
Than watching all the doctor shows

799
00:35:18,550 --> 00:35:19,785
And going around performing operations.

800
00:35:19,818 --> 00:35:20,786
[laughs]

801
00:35:20,819 --> 00:35:23,389
[both laugh]

802
00:35:23,422 --> 00:35:24,890
[laughter stops]

803
00:35:24,923 --> 00:35:26,925
Would you mind letting the witness answer the question?

804
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,894
Not at all. Hmm.

805
00:35:28,927 --> 00:35:30,662
Well, professor?

806
00:35:30,696 --> 00:35:32,931
During the examination,

807
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:36,268
The instructor became suspicious of certain movements

808
00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:37,769
That were being made by Merlin Jones.

809
00:35:37,803 --> 00:35:40,739
The instructor contacted me

810
00:35:40,772 --> 00:35:42,408
In my place of concealment,

811
00:35:42,441 --> 00:35:43,909
And I photographed Mr. Jones

812
00:35:43,942 --> 00:35:45,911
Giving signals to other students.

813
00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:48,647
Are these the photographs?

814
00:35:52,418 --> 00:35:54,386
They are. Exhibit "a."

815
00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:57,789
Was there any evidence to
convince you of your suspicions?

816
00:35:57,823 --> 00:35:59,258
There was, indeed.

817
00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:00,659
And what was that evidence?

818
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:02,394
When the instructor graded the papers,

819
00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:05,731
He found that two other students had written answers

820
00:36:05,764 --> 00:36:07,533
That were word-for-word the same

821
00:36:07,566 --> 00:36:09,535
As those of Merlin Jones.

822
00:36:09,568 --> 00:36:11,237
"word-for-word

823
00:36:11,270 --> 00:36:14,506
The same as those of Merlin Jones."

824
00:36:14,540 --> 00:36:16,442
Your witness.

825
00:36:16,475 --> 00:36:19,711
No questions at this time.

826
00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:21,513
Thank you, professor.

827
00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:27,619
I now call Merlin Jones.

828
00:36:27,653 --> 00:36:30,222
[door closes]

829
00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:38,530
You are a very clever young man, Mr. Jones.

830
00:36:38,564 --> 00:36:39,931
And I want to congratulate you

831
00:36:39,965 --> 00:36:41,800
On the ingenious code you worked out.

832
00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:43,935
I'd like you to explain it to us.

833
00:36:43,969 --> 00:36:47,005
Now, uh, what does this mean-- scratching your ear?

834
00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:48,774
It means my ear itched.

835
00:36:48,807 --> 00:36:50,542
Your ear itched?

836
00:36:50,576 --> 00:36:51,610
Does it itch often?

837
00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:54,513
[chuckles] no. It doesn't.

838
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:55,581
Mm-hmm.

839
00:36:55,614 --> 00:36:58,950
Now, why should your ear conveniently pick exam time

840
00:36:58,984 --> 00:36:59,818
To start itching?

841
00:36:59,851 --> 00:37:02,821
Well, I suppose I could've been nervous.

842
00:37:02,854 --> 00:37:04,290
That might have caused it.

843
00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:05,491
Nervous. [chuckles]

844
00:37:05,524 --> 00:37:07,659
Now, why should a good student like you

845
00:37:07,693 --> 00:37:09,928
Be nervous over an English lit exam?

846
00:37:09,961 --> 00:37:12,531
Unless you were worried
that someone might catch you

847
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:14,700
Signaling the answers to the other two.

848
00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:18,003
That isn't it at all! I was nervous because--

849
00:37:18,036 --> 00:37:18,870
Never mind, Mr. Jones.

850
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:21,507
We understand. No further questions.

851
00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:23,375
Judge Holmsby?

852
00:37:23,409 --> 00:37:25,977
No questions at this time.

853
00:37:26,011 --> 00:37:27,946
You may step down.

854
00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:31,950
You have just heard from the mastermind.

855
00:37:31,983 --> 00:37:33,585
We will now hear

856
00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:37,323
From Leon and Norman, his partners in crime.

857
00:37:37,356 --> 00:37:38,690
Oh, no self-respecting television attorney

858
00:37:38,724 --> 00:37:40,359
Would let you get away with that one.

859
00:37:41,693 --> 00:37:43,695
Look at them, gentlemen.

860
00:37:43,729 --> 00:37:47,666
Do they look like students
who would get grades of 100%

861
00:37:47,699 --> 00:37:49,635
In English literature?

862
00:37:49,668 --> 00:37:52,471
Do they look capable of turning in

863
00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:54,440
Perfect exam papers?

864
00:37:54,473 --> 00:37:56,542
If the charge against these men was looking stupid,

865
00:37:56,575 --> 00:37:58,076
I wouldn't be here defending them.

866
00:37:58,109 --> 00:38:01,680
And if Midvale had a regulation
against men looking stupid,

867
00:38:01,713 --> 00:38:04,416
We might lose half the student body

868
00:38:04,450 --> 00:38:08,987
And at least one member of
the board of regents as well.

869
00:38:10,822 --> 00:38:12,824
I have totaled up

870
00:38:12,858 --> 00:38:15,093
The entire number of hours in the day

871
00:38:15,126 --> 00:38:17,696
Which you spend in class,

872
00:38:17,729 --> 00:38:22,568
Uh, at football practice, on meals,

873
00:38:22,601 --> 00:38:26,672
On sleep-- 23 hours.

874
00:38:26,705 --> 00:38:30,409
That leaves you one whole hour to waste.

875
00:38:30,442 --> 00:38:31,910
Yeah, you got to do a little goofing off.

876
00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:32,911
[both laugh]

877
00:38:32,944 --> 00:38:34,946
And when do you find time

878
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:36,782
To study your English lit?

879
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:38,684
When we're asleep.

880
00:38:38,717 --> 00:38:40,786
This is no time for facetiousness.

881
00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:43,855
I asked when do you study

882
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:45,090
For your English lit exams?

883
00:38:45,123 --> 00:38:47,826
He told you-- when we're asleep.

884
00:38:47,859 --> 00:38:49,561
Hmm.

885
00:38:49,595 --> 00:38:54,700
You study your English lit while you're asleep.

886
00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:55,801
That's all.

887
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,836
Just a minute.

888
00:38:57,869 --> 00:38:59,971
Uh, I don't believe Mr. Dearborne believes you

889
00:39:00,005 --> 00:39:02,708
When you said you studied
for your English lit exams

890
00:39:02,741 --> 00:39:03,842
While you slept.

891
00:39:03,875 --> 00:39:04,943
This is the first time

892
00:39:04,976 --> 00:39:07,446
Judge Holmsby and I have ever agreed on anything.

893
00:39:07,479 --> 00:39:10,682
Will you explain how you studied
for your English lit exams

894
00:39:10,716 --> 00:39:11,717
In more detail, please?

895
00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:15,053
Well, there are these things attached to our heads.

896
00:39:15,086 --> 00:39:17,122
I believe they're called ears.

897
00:39:17,155 --> 00:39:19,958
No, these things had wires connected to them.

898
00:39:19,991 --> 00:39:22,694
And Merlin made a record, and while we slept,

899
00:39:22,728 --> 00:39:24,830
This record played over and over again,

900
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:26,832
And when we woke up, well, we knew it.

901
00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,567
It's because Merlin Jones taught them

902
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:29,535
By way of sleep learning

903
00:39:29,568 --> 00:39:31,670
That all three of their exam papers were alike.

904
00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:33,104
Do you expect us to believe

905
00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:35,173
A cock-and-bull story like that?

906
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:37,108
Merlin has been educating a chimpanzee

907
00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:38,444
Through sleep learning.

908
00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:39,578
A chimpanzee.

909
00:39:39,611 --> 00:39:41,112
Yes, a chimpanzee.

910
00:39:41,146 --> 00:39:43,415
So he decided to use sleep learning

911
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:46,618
When the football players
needed an honest way to cheat.

912
00:39:46,652 --> 00:39:47,853
Cheat! There, you said it yourself.

913
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:49,788
Sleep learning or not, it is cheating.

914
00:39:49,821 --> 00:39:51,089
I said an honest way to cheat.

915
00:39:51,122 --> 00:39:52,458
There is no such thing!

916
00:39:52,491 --> 00:39:53,492
And I say there is!

917
00:39:53,525 --> 00:39:55,727
Doesn't matter how you learn as long as you learn!

918
00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:58,897
Holmsby, you are a pigheaded old fool!

919
00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:01,066
Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.

920
00:40:01,099 --> 00:40:04,436
Gentlemen, I think it might be wiser

921
00:40:04,470 --> 00:40:06,572
If we dismissed our witnesses

922
00:40:06,605 --> 00:40:09,040
And continued our little conversation

923
00:40:09,074 --> 00:40:11,710
In private.

924
00:40:19,485 --> 00:40:20,986
Looks bad, huh?

925
00:40:21,019 --> 00:40:23,855
Well, all the same, I-I want to thank you, Merlin.

926
00:40:23,889 --> 00:40:25,991
Thanks for what, for getting us expelled?

927
00:40:26,024 --> 00:40:28,594
If you know anyone who wants to hire a truck driver

928
00:40:28,627 --> 00:40:30,996
Who knows a lot about English literature,

929
00:40:31,029 --> 00:40:33,699
Let me know.

930
00:40:33,732 --> 00:40:35,801
The important thing, Merlin, is you tried.

931
00:40:35,834 --> 00:40:38,704
If I hadn't tried, we'd all still be in college.

932
00:40:38,737 --> 00:40:40,105
Well, we're not expelled yet.

933
00:40:40,138 --> 00:40:42,841
Well, the judge is still in there fighting for us.

934
00:40:42,874 --> 00:40:44,242
Well, listen, Merlin,

935
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:47,979
All the brains I ever knew before you were kind of snobs,

936
00:40:48,013 --> 00:40:49,247
But not you.

937
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,850
W-well, you're just like a regular stupid fella,

938
00:40:51,883 --> 00:40:54,252
And that's what I like about you.

939
00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:56,121
Thanks, Leon.

940
00:40:56,154 --> 00:40:58,990
Well, come on, let's go back to the Mu Mu house.

941
00:40:59,024 --> 00:41:02,127
No, I better get home. I left Stanley with a sitter.

942
00:41:06,632 --> 00:41:08,600
And when will the head of the Greek department

943
00:41:08,634 --> 00:41:10,602
Be paid as much as the football coach?

944
00:41:10,636 --> 00:41:12,871
Just as soon as you see 50,000 people

945
00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:14,740
Cheering a Greek recitation.

946
00:41:14,773 --> 00:41:16,975
A college is supposed to be a place of learning.

947
00:41:17,008 --> 00:41:20,579
The only question is whether to expel these students.

948
00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:22,113
If they're guilty, I am, too.

949
00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:24,049
I urged Merlin to do what he did.

950
00:41:24,082 --> 00:41:25,250
And if you were a student,

951
00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:26,918
I would vote to kick you out, too.

952
00:41:26,952 --> 00:41:28,119
Well, if they're kicked out,

953
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:30,055
I'm quitting the board of regents.

954
00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:32,123
That is the best argument for expelling them

955
00:41:32,157 --> 00:41:33,559
That I have heard yet!

956
00:41:33,592 --> 00:41:34,560
Now, listen! Now, listen!

957
00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:35,627
Gentlemen!

958
00:41:35,661 --> 00:41:38,864
Gentlemen, you've made your position very clear.

959
00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:43,268
We will now vote... Quietly, calmly...

960
00:41:43,301 --> 00:41:45,904
And without prejudice.

961
00:41:54,913 --> 00:41:57,583
[whispering] did you have a nice evening?

962
00:41:57,616 --> 00:41:59,250
[whispering] well, I flunked English lit.

963
00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:01,953
I've been accused of cheating,
and I may get expelled

964
00:42:01,987 --> 00:42:02,854
From college.

965
00:42:02,888 --> 00:42:04,856
Outside of that, I had a very nice evening.

966
00:42:04,890 --> 00:42:05,691
How awful.

967
00:42:05,724 --> 00:42:07,993
The sleep learning idea boomeranged.

968
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:10,596
But it's done so much for Stanley.

969
00:42:10,629 --> 00:42:12,864
I know.

970
00:42:12,898 --> 00:42:15,133
Merlin, may I try it?

971
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:16,134
What?

972
00:42:16,167 --> 00:42:17,736
The sleep learning.

973
00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:19,137
Oh, I really don't understand it,

974
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:21,006
But it's terribly intriguing.

975
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,608
[sighs]

976
00:42:22,641 --> 00:42:24,610
Please, Merlin.

977
00:42:24,643 --> 00:42:26,645
Aw, all right.

978
00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:32,183
[clock ticking]

979
00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:33,985
[alarm ringing]

980
00:42:34,019 --> 00:42:37,889
(Merlin) when the alarm clock rings, turn it off.

981
00:42:37,923 --> 00:42:38,957
[ringing stops]

982
00:42:38,990 --> 00:42:41,292
Get out of bed.

983
00:42:43,995 --> 00:42:46,698
Turn on the coffee.

984
00:42:46,732 --> 00:42:48,133
[doorbell rings]

985
00:42:49,635 --> 00:42:52,137
Oh, you poor darling, sitting here alone

986
00:42:52,170 --> 00:42:53,138
At a time like this!

987
00:42:53,171 --> 00:42:54,205
Put out the cat.

988
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:55,741
I came over just as soon as I heard.

989
00:42:55,774 --> 00:42:57,008
I thought of you lonely and desperate.

990
00:42:57,042 --> 00:42:59,177
Oh, you needed me, didn't you, Merlin?

991
00:42:59,210 --> 00:43:01,379
[meows] they can't do this to you.

992
00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:02,981
Take a shower, brush your teeth.

993
00:43:03,014 --> 00:43:04,716
Of all the people I’ve ever known in my entire life,

994
00:43:04,750 --> 00:43:05,884
You are the most straightforward,

995
00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:09,220
Aboveboard, high-minded...

996
00:43:12,023 --> 00:43:13,291
[door closes]

997
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:18,029
Two-faced, double-dealing cat I’ve ever known!

998
00:43:18,063 --> 00:43:20,666
[water running]

999
00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:25,671
All right, Lisa, what's going on?

1000
00:43:25,704 --> 00:43:28,273
Oh, hello. W-we were just conducting an experiment.

1001
00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:30,008
You double-crossing chimpsitter,

1002
00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:31,209
I should've known what you were up to!

1003
00:43:31,242 --> 00:43:32,377
The experiment's over!

1004
00:43:32,410 --> 00:43:33,712
Jen, let me explain.

1005
00:43:33,745 --> 00:43:34,846
You don't have to.

1006
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:35,847
It's quite clear what's going on.

1007
00:43:35,881 --> 00:43:36,848
I resent that!

1008
00:43:36,882 --> 00:43:38,884
Oh, you do, do you?! Yes, I do!

1009
00:43:38,917 --> 00:43:41,086
[both shouting] (Merlin) please, girls!

1010
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:43,722
Stop your yelling and shouting. You'll upset Stanley.

1011
00:43:43,755 --> 00:43:47,025
So that's it? All you care about is Stanley.

1012
00:43:47,058 --> 00:43:48,894
You know, you're quite right, Jennifer.

1013
00:43:48,927 --> 00:43:50,729
He hasn't given a thought to my feelings

1014
00:43:50,762 --> 00:43:51,730
Or yours.

1015
00:43:51,763 --> 00:43:53,131
That's just it, Lisa.

1016
00:43:53,164 --> 00:43:54,432
And as far as I’m concerned, he can take Stanley,

1017
00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:55,901
And both go back to the jungle!

1018
00:43:55,934 --> 00:43:57,235
I'm for that, too!

1019
00:43:57,268 --> 00:43:58,804
But, Jen!

1020
00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:00,972
Isn't it ridiculous the way he pampers him?

1021
00:44:01,006 --> 00:44:03,274
You're absolutely right, and I’ll be glad to testify

1022
00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:06,111
That he's not a fit guardian for a chimpanzee.

1023
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:07,645
[Stanley chattering]

1024
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:10,882
Stanley, people are difficult.

1025
00:44:10,916 --> 00:44:11,883
[car door closes]

1026
00:44:11,917 --> 00:44:13,985
You try and do your best for them, and then...

1027
00:44:14,019 --> 00:44:15,887
[chattering] suddenly...

1028
00:44:20,892 --> 00:44:23,762
Oh, no, Stanley. Not you, too.

1029
00:44:23,795 --> 00:44:25,897
Do you know what it's like, Stanley,

1030
00:44:25,931 --> 00:44:27,332
To feel the whole world's against you?

1031
00:44:27,365 --> 00:44:28,333
[chatters softly]

1032
00:44:28,366 --> 00:44:30,769
I tried to help the football team and failed.

1033
00:44:30,802 --> 00:44:34,039
Now everyone on campus hates me.

1034
00:44:34,072 --> 00:44:35,741
But I guess it doesn't matter,

1035
00:44:35,774 --> 00:44:37,175
Because I won't even be on campus.

1036
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:39,410
I'm being expelled from Midvale,

1037
00:44:39,444 --> 00:44:43,248
Kicked out in disgrace.

1038
00:44:43,281 --> 00:44:45,884
And Jennifer...

1039
00:44:45,917 --> 00:44:48,319
She's turned against me, too.

1040
00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:52,023
You're all I have left, Stanley,

1041
00:44:52,057 --> 00:44:54,960
All I have left.

1042
00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:00,298
[chattering]

1043
00:45:03,468 --> 00:45:06,471
[telephone ringing]

1044
00:45:08,073 --> 00:45:10,909
Hello?

1045
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:13,011
[sighs] yes, Judge Holmsby.

1046
00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:15,513
I would like you to come over to my house right away.

1047
00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:18,483
But, sir, I-I don't have anyone I can leave Stanley with.

1048
00:45:18,516 --> 00:45:20,185
Well, bring Stanley with you,

1049
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:22,153
But get here as soon as possible.

1050
00:45:22,187 --> 00:45:23,321
Yes, sir.

1051
00:45:23,354 --> 00:45:24,823
Good-bye, sir.

1052
00:45:26,324 --> 00:45:29,761
Well, Stanley, we might as well
get going and face the worst.

1053
00:45:29,795 --> 00:45:32,297
[doorbell rings]

1054
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:34,165
Good evening, Mr. Jones, Stanley.

1055
00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:35,801
Good evening, sir.

1056
00:45:40,806 --> 00:45:43,308
The board of regents made its decision.

1057
00:45:43,341 --> 00:45:46,011
It's their verdict that...

1058
00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,146
(all) surprise!

1059
00:45:48,179 --> 00:45:50,916
It's their verdict that sleep learning

1060
00:45:50,949 --> 00:45:52,450
Is an honest way to cheat,

1061
00:45:52,483 --> 00:45:54,552
With the emphasis on honest.

1062
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,054
We got "A"s in English lit!

1063
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:57,055
We can play football!

1064
00:45:57,088 --> 00:45:58,323
Hooray for Merlin!

1065
00:45:58,356 --> 00:46:00,491
[all cheering]

1066
00:46:03,829 --> 00:46:06,965
Just congratulate him. He'll understand.

1067
00:46:08,533 --> 00:46:11,036
(all) for he's a jolly good fellow

1068
00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:12,904
For he's a jolly good fellow

1069
00:46:12,938 --> 00:46:16,541
For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny

1070
00:46:16,574 --> 00:46:20,145
Which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny

1071
00:46:20,178 --> 00:46:22,180
For he's a jolly good fellow

1072
00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:24,015
For he's a jolly good fellow

1073
00:46:24,049 --> 00:46:28,319
For he's a jolly good fellow

1074
00:46:28,353 --> 00:46:31,356
Which nobody can deny

1075
00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:34,325
(college president) well, gentlemen,

1076
00:46:34,359 --> 00:46:37,595
Now that our unhappy little controversy is over,

1077
00:46:37,628 --> 00:46:39,164
I'm sure we're all agreed

1078
00:46:39,197 --> 00:46:43,201
To close ranks and proceed with our proper task--

1079
00:46:43,234 --> 00:46:45,503
Educating the young mind.

1080
00:46:45,536 --> 00:46:48,039
Quite right. Exactly.

1081
00:46:48,073 --> 00:46:50,041
Uh, however, the first business at hand

1082
00:46:50,075 --> 00:46:53,912
Is this year's fundraising campaign,

1083
00:46:53,945 --> 00:46:56,447
For our beloved college, once again, alas,

1084
00:46:56,481 --> 00:47:00,085
Is chronically short of cash.

1085
00:47:00,118 --> 00:47:01,319
In connection with that, Mr. President,

1086
00:47:01,352 --> 00:47:02,921
Uh, I have an announcement to make,

1087
00:47:02,954 --> 00:47:05,924
Which I think will make everyone here feel very happy.

1088
00:47:05,957 --> 00:47:08,927
I have persuaded Mr. J.P. Asterbilt

1089
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:14,399
To endow Midvale college with $1 million.

1090
00:47:14,432 --> 00:47:17,869
$1 million? W-w-why, that's wonderful.

1091
00:47:17,903 --> 00:47:20,939
Although we've had our disagreements in the past,

1092
00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:22,941
I must say that Mr. Dearborne...

1093
00:47:22,974 --> 00:47:24,009
Now, there is a condition.

1094
00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:27,078
Mr. Asterbilt stipulates football must be abolished,

1095
00:47:27,112 --> 00:47:28,346
Or the deal is off.

1096
00:47:28,379 --> 00:47:30,315
Is a stubborn, pigheaded fool.

1097
00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:32,050
I have no wish to argue with the judge or--

1098
00:47:32,083 --> 00:47:33,584
Dearborne, you positively

1099
00:47:33,618 --> 00:47:37,022
Hold the world's record at grudge carrying.

1100
00:47:37,055 --> 00:47:38,189
Just because you couldn't make the team

1101
00:47:38,223 --> 00:47:39,324
When you were a student here,

1102
00:47:39,357 --> 00:47:42,460
You're forever sniping at Midvale football.

1103
00:47:42,493 --> 00:47:45,063
There is no cause for anger, judge.

1104
00:47:45,096 --> 00:47:47,332
We can keep football at Midvale,

1105
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:51,202
Or we can have $1 million.

1106
00:47:51,236 --> 00:47:53,271
Take your choice. [chuckles]

1107
00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:55,373
(college president) of course, football

1108
00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:58,143
Does take time away from studies.

1109
00:47:58,176 --> 00:48:00,478
And there's always the danger that someone will get hurt.

1110
00:48:00,511 --> 00:48:02,948
And it creates the wrong kind of atmosphere

1111
00:48:02,981 --> 00:48:04,582
For an institution of higher learning.

1112
00:48:04,615 --> 00:48:08,586
Well, gentlemen, we all seem to be in agreement,

1113
00:48:08,619 --> 00:48:09,988
Uh, almost all, that is.

1114
00:48:10,021 --> 00:48:10,922
Two weeks from today,

1115
00:48:10,956 --> 00:48:14,592
Mr. Asterbilt will be here with a check

1116
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,162
For $1 million.

1117
00:48:17,195 --> 00:48:20,198
And at that time, football at Midvale

1118
00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:22,567
Will come to an end.

1119
00:48:31,442 --> 00:48:33,211
There's someone to see you, judge.

1120
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,545
I don't want to see anyone.

1121
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:37,215
His name is Darius Green III.

1122
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:38,950
I don't know any Darius Green.

1123
00:48:38,984 --> 00:48:40,151
He's in the study.

1124
00:48:40,185 --> 00:48:41,953
I couldn't get rid of him. Maybe you can.

1125
00:48:41,987 --> 00:48:43,554
Huh.

1126
00:48:43,588 --> 00:48:47,092
Judge Holmsby, I’m glad to meet you.

1127
00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:48,626
I'm Darius green iii.

1128
00:48:48,659 --> 00:48:50,628
Well, Mr. Green, I’m a very busy man.

1129
00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:54,199
So am I, but I’m gonna read
you a poem about my granddaddy.

1130
00:48:54,232 --> 00:48:55,733
I told you, I am very busy.

1131
00:48:55,766 --> 00:48:58,003
And it might mean a very big endowment

1132
00:48:58,036 --> 00:48:59,470
To Midvale college.

1133
00:48:59,504 --> 00:49:03,241
However, I’m never too busy to listen to a good poem.

1134
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:05,076
Ah, I knew you weren't.

1135
00:49:05,110 --> 00:49:07,745
Uh, uh, the name of this poem

1136
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:11,516
Is Darius green and his flying machine.

1137
00:49:11,549 --> 00:49:12,617
Interesting title.

1138
00:49:12,650 --> 00:49:14,619
That would be Darius green I, I presume.

1139
00:49:14,652 --> 00:49:18,089
My granddaddy.

1140
00:49:18,123 --> 00:49:21,092
"an aspiring genius was Darius green.

1141
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:23,628
"son of a farmer, age 14.

1142
00:49:23,661 --> 00:49:26,497
"his body was long and lank and lean,

1143
00:49:26,531 --> 00:49:29,967
Just right for flying, as we'll be seeing."

1144
00:49:31,669 --> 00:49:34,472
"the birds can fly, and why can't I?

1145
00:49:34,505 --> 00:49:36,607
"'must we give in,' he said with a grin.

1146
00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:40,611
"just fold our hands and let the 'swaller'

1147
00:49:40,645 --> 00:49:43,348
And blackbird and catbird beat us holler."

1148
00:49:43,381 --> 00:49:45,483
That was good thinking, Mr. Green.

1149
00:49:45,516 --> 00:49:46,551
Granddaddy was smart,

1150
00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:49,587
No matter what they say.

1151
00:49:49,620 --> 00:49:50,755
"so, day after day,

1152
00:49:50,788 --> 00:49:53,358
"he stitched and tinkered and hammered away

1153
00:49:53,391 --> 00:49:54,692
"till at last it was done,

1154
00:49:54,725 --> 00:49:57,595
"the greatest invention under the sun.

1155
00:49:57,628 --> 00:50:01,099
"then, said Darius, 'hooray for some fun.'"

1156
00:50:01,132 --> 00:50:03,634
"hooray for some fun."

1157
00:50:03,668 --> 00:50:07,772
"so this modern knight prepared for flight,

1158
00:50:07,805 --> 00:50:10,241
"put on his wings and strapped them tight.

1159
00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:12,777
"buckled them fast to shoulder and hip.

1160
00:50:12,810 --> 00:50:15,380
Ten feet they measured from tip to tip."

1161
00:50:15,413 --> 00:50:18,149
Imagine a wingspread of ten feet.

1162
00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:22,220
"steppin' careful, he traveled the length

1163
00:50:22,253 --> 00:50:25,756
"of his springboard and teetered to try its strength.

1164
00:50:25,790 --> 00:50:29,227
"now he stretches his wings like a monstrous bat,

1165
00:50:29,260 --> 00:50:32,563
"peeks over his shoulder this way and that.

1166
00:50:32,597 --> 00:50:35,766
"for to see if there's anyone passing by,

1167
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:39,237
To see the dragon he's going to fly."

1168
00:50:39,270 --> 00:50:41,639
Go on, please. Go on.

1169
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:45,243
"as a demon is hurled "by an angel's spear,

1170
00:50:45,276 --> 00:50:47,412
"heels over head to his proper sphere,

1171
00:50:47,445 --> 00:50:51,382
"so fell Darius upon his crown.

1172
00:50:51,416 --> 00:50:53,818
"into the barnyard, he comes down

1173
00:50:53,851 --> 00:50:56,654
"in a wonderful world of tangled strings,

1174
00:50:56,687 --> 00:50:59,190
"broken braces and broken springs,

1175
00:50:59,224 --> 00:51:01,492
"broken tail and broken wings,

1176
00:51:01,526 --> 00:51:04,629
Shooting stars and various things."

1177
00:51:04,662 --> 00:51:07,298
Oh, how very sad, Mr. Green.

1178
00:51:07,332 --> 00:51:09,500
There it is, judge.

1179
00:51:09,534 --> 00:51:10,635
And ever since,

1180
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:13,604
Granddaddy Darius has been treated like a simpleton,

1181
00:51:13,638 --> 00:51:17,108
Instead of a man way ahead of his times.

1182
00:51:17,142 --> 00:51:19,310
Just look at the way they drawed him.

1183
00:51:19,344 --> 00:51:22,480
They wasn't content to have him act the fool.

1184
00:51:22,513 --> 00:51:24,782
They even pictured him looking like a fool.

1185
00:51:24,815 --> 00:51:27,518
I gather you feel your ancestor's been slurred,

1186
00:51:27,552 --> 00:51:29,787
But what can be done about it now?

1187
00:51:29,820 --> 00:51:32,123
Well, I’d like to clear granddaddy's name

1188
00:51:32,157 --> 00:51:35,160
By proving a fella can fly under his own power

1189
00:51:35,193 --> 00:51:37,395
By getting someone to do it.

1190
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:39,730
That's why I came all the way from Vermont

1191
00:51:39,764 --> 00:51:41,232
To see you.

1192
00:51:41,266 --> 00:51:42,633
To see me?

1193
00:51:42,667 --> 00:51:43,768
Well, I heard you were a member

1194
00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,636
Of the board of regents at Midvale college.

1195
00:51:45,670 --> 00:51:46,671
Yes, I am.

1196
00:51:46,704 --> 00:51:47,905
Hmm.

1197
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:50,375
I'd like to ask you a question.

1198
00:51:50,408 --> 00:51:53,211
Would Midvale consider an endowment of $10 million

1199
00:51:53,244 --> 00:51:56,514
Enough to get them interested
in working on this here idea?

1200
00:51:56,547 --> 00:51:59,450
[laughing]

1201
00:51:59,484 --> 00:52:01,286
What's so funny?

1202
00:52:01,319 --> 00:52:04,522
[laughing] well, for a minute, it sounded as though--

1203
00:52:04,555 --> 00:52:07,625
It sounded like you said, "$10 million."

1204
00:52:07,658 --> 00:52:09,360
[laughing] that's what I did say.

1205
00:52:09,394 --> 00:52:11,929
[stops laughing]

1206
00:52:11,962 --> 00:52:14,532
$10 million?

1207
00:52:14,565 --> 00:52:16,267
That's right.

1208
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:22,507
One, zero... Zero, zero, zero...

1209
00:52:22,540 --> 00:52:24,609
Zero, zero, zero?

1210
00:52:24,642 --> 00:52:26,644
Don't worry, judge.

1211
00:52:26,677 --> 00:52:28,779
You can look me up and down on bride street.

1212
00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:30,648
You'll find I’m pretty well fixed.

1213
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:32,883
Oh, I’m not worrying about you, Mr. Green.

1214
00:52:32,917 --> 00:52:35,520
But I would like to ask you one question.

1215
00:52:35,553 --> 00:52:37,788
How do you feel about football?

1216
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:38,923
Oh, I like it.

1217
00:52:38,956 --> 00:52:41,259
Uh, but I can't play with you today.

1218
00:52:41,292 --> 00:52:44,395
Mr. Green, you have just saved football at Midvale college.

1219
00:52:44,429 --> 00:52:46,631
Why are we talking about football?

1220
00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:50,401
Because your generosity lets
Midvale turn down another offer,

1221
00:52:50,435 --> 00:52:51,569
One with strings attached.

1222
00:52:51,602 --> 00:52:53,304
Well, mine has strings, too.

1223
00:52:53,338 --> 00:52:55,640
Not one cent do you get

1224
00:52:55,673 --> 00:52:59,944
Until you really prove a man can fly under his own power.

1225
00:52:59,977 --> 00:53:02,213
Now, do you think Midvale has the know-how?

1226
00:53:02,247 --> 00:53:03,514
Oh, positively.

1227
00:53:03,548 --> 00:53:05,516
Are you sure they have? Absolutely.

1228
00:53:05,550 --> 00:53:08,386
We've got-- uh, uh, well--

1229
00:53:08,419 --> 00:53:10,788
W-we have an absolute genius here,

1230
00:53:10,821 --> 00:53:12,657
Merlin Jones-- he can prove anything.

1231
00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:13,924
Oh, I’d like to meet him.

1232
00:53:13,958 --> 00:53:15,526
But--you can.

1233
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:16,661
It's about lunchtime.

1234
00:53:16,694 --> 00:53:18,663
We'll go over to the campus cafe.

1235
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,765
Uh, Merlin waits on tables there.

1236
00:53:20,798 --> 00:53:22,400
What's a genius doing waiting on tables?

1237
00:53:22,433 --> 00:53:25,403
Why not? I heard Einstein used to wait on tables, too.

1238
00:53:25,436 --> 00:53:26,704
Oh, did he?

1239
00:53:28,439 --> 00:53:31,442
[overlapping conversations]

1240
00:53:32,843 --> 00:53:33,944
[laughter]

1241
00:53:33,978 --> 00:53:36,614
I'm very sorry, sir.

1242
00:53:36,647 --> 00:53:39,517
I hear that Einstein wasn't a very good waiter either.

1243
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,552
Um, I’ll get you some more clam chowder, sir.

1244
00:53:41,586 --> 00:53:43,288
Uh, I didn't order clam chowder.

1245
00:53:43,321 --> 00:53:44,789
I just want a salad. Yes, sir.

1246
00:53:44,822 --> 00:53:46,257
Oh, by the way, judge,

1247
00:53:46,291 --> 00:53:47,658
Stanley and I have been working on a project--

1248
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:49,627
Who's Stanley? Oh, I’ll have a salad, too.

1249
00:53:49,660 --> 00:53:50,761
Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

1250
00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:52,029
Stanley is my--

1251
00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:53,831
Eh, eh, we want the salads now. Yes, sir.

1252
00:53:53,864 --> 00:53:55,533
(man) he, Merlin, how about some more water?

1253
00:53:55,566 --> 00:53:56,534
Coming.

1254
00:53:56,567 --> 00:53:57,802
And he's the genius at Midvale?

1255
00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:58,669
Well, I know you have

1256
00:53:58,703 --> 00:54:00,538
An unfortunate first impression of him,

1257
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:02,773
But you'll see, he'll surprise you.

1258
00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:06,377
He's given me a few surprises already.

1259
00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:07,312
Who's Stanley?

1260
00:54:07,345 --> 00:54:10,381
Eh, yeah, well, Stanley is his nephew--

1261
00:54:10,415 --> 00:54:11,416
A chimpanzee.

1262
00:54:11,449 --> 00:54:12,783
A chimpanzee?

1263
00:54:12,817 --> 00:54:14,952
Yes. I signed the court order myself.

1264
00:54:14,985 --> 00:54:17,788
He's legally the monkey's uncle.

1265
00:54:17,822 --> 00:54:19,857
[laughing]

1266
00:54:19,890 --> 00:54:21,426
Come on, Merlin, where's that water?

1267
00:54:21,459 --> 00:54:23,361
Sure, here you are.

1268
00:54:23,394 --> 00:54:24,829
I'm getting too fast for you, Merlin.

1269
00:54:24,862 --> 00:54:25,963
You missed me that time.

1270
00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:27,632
[laughter] gee, I’m sorry, sir.

1271
00:54:27,665 --> 00:54:28,799
Don't let it worry you.

1272
00:54:28,833 --> 00:54:30,368
That's your first miss of the day.

1273
00:54:30,401 --> 00:54:32,370
Oh, no, what I meant was--

1274
00:54:32,403 --> 00:54:33,938
I know what you meant. Yes, yes, of course.

1275
00:54:33,971 --> 00:54:35,806
Merlin, Merlin, you see, Mr. Green

1276
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,676
Has offered Midvale a very generous endowment.

1277
00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:39,677
That's wonderful.

1278
00:54:39,710 --> 00:54:41,379
But--but-- but it all depends

1279
00:54:41,412 --> 00:54:44,382
On your being able to demonstrate man-powered flight.

1280
00:54:44,415 --> 00:54:47,017
Man-powered flight?

1281
00:54:47,051 --> 00:54:48,519
Yes.

1282
00:54:48,553 --> 00:54:49,787
By man-powered flight,

1283
00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:51,622
Do you mean no gas-inflated devices?

1284
00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:52,623
Right.

1285
00:54:52,657 --> 00:54:54,825
Nothing that uses fuel or that gets its power

1286
00:54:54,859 --> 00:54:56,527
From anything other than a man's muscles?

1287
00:54:56,561 --> 00:54:58,429
Yes. Yes, that's right.

1288
00:54:58,463 --> 00:54:59,897
Takeoff man-powered,

1289
00:54:59,930 --> 00:55:02,767
Flight maintained by man
power, and landing man-powered?

1290
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,002
That's exactly what I mean.

1291
00:55:05,035 --> 00:55:06,837
It can't be done.

1292
00:55:06,871 --> 00:55:09,874
D'oh! Well, he means it's very difficult,

1293
00:55:09,907 --> 00:55:11,342
Uh, but, of course, it can be done.

1294
00:55:11,376 --> 00:55:12,810
No, what I meant was--

1295
00:55:12,843 --> 00:55:15,112
[stammering] Merlin, will you get me a glass of water?

1296
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:17,548
Oh, but you already have a glass of water.

1297
00:55:17,582 --> 00:55:19,450
No, the thing about man-powered flight--

1298
00:55:19,484 --> 00:55:20,918
Well, then bring us coffee and--and the check.

1299
00:55:20,951 --> 00:55:22,720
[chuckles] yes, sir.

1300
00:55:22,753 --> 00:55:25,089
You see, a brilliant young man like Merlin--

1301
00:55:25,122 --> 00:55:26,824
Oh, uh, would you like cream in your coffee, sir?

1302
00:55:26,857 --> 00:55:27,958
No. Yes, yes.

1303
00:55:27,992 --> 00:55:29,694
No. Yes, yes.

1304
00:55:29,727 --> 00:55:32,830
Uh... If that boy can't handle it,

1305
00:55:32,863 --> 00:55:35,833
I guess I’ll take my offer over
to that other college near here.

1306
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:38,002
R-Randall? Oh, that would be very stupid--

1307
00:55:38,035 --> 00:55:39,203
Uh, unwise.

1308
00:55:39,236 --> 00:55:41,939
I mean, there isn't anyone like Merlin Jones at Randall.

1309
00:55:41,972 --> 00:55:44,709
I don't think there's anyone like Merlin Jones anywhere.

1310
00:55:44,742 --> 00:55:46,711
Oh, you're quite right, Mr. Green.

1311
00:55:46,744 --> 00:55:49,514
There's only one Merlin Jones, and Midvale has him.

1312
00:55:49,547 --> 00:55:52,116
That's why I think I’ll take my offer over to Randall.

1313
00:55:52,149 --> 00:55:55,420
But--I will give you my personal guarantee

1314
00:55:55,453 --> 00:55:57,722
That Merlin Jones can do the job for you.

1315
00:55:57,755 --> 00:55:59,089
But he doesn't think he can.

1316
00:55:59,123 --> 00:56:02,427
Oh, that's just a scientist's approach to the problem.

1317
00:56:02,460 --> 00:56:03,494
You see, you start off

1318
00:56:03,528 --> 00:56:05,396
By assuming what you're trying to do is impossible,

1319
00:56:05,430 --> 00:56:06,697
Then you go ahead and do it.

1320
00:56:06,731 --> 00:56:07,598
It's what's called

1321
00:56:07,632 --> 00:56:10,501
The, uh, proving the impossible theorem.

1322
00:56:10,535 --> 00:56:11,736
[exhales deeply]

1323
00:56:11,769 --> 00:56:13,971
Mr. Green, how high would a
man have to fly to satisfy you?

1324
00:56:14,004 --> 00:56:15,039
Uh, ten feet.

1325
00:56:15,072 --> 00:56:17,575
Mm-hmm. And how long would he have to sustain it?

1326
00:56:17,608 --> 00:56:19,577
About five minutes. Five minutes.

1327
00:56:19,610 --> 00:56:21,579
300 seconds.

1328
00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:24,782
I think Merlin’s got something figured out already,

1329
00:56:24,815 --> 00:56:25,850
Right, Merlin? Mm-hmm.

1330
00:56:25,883 --> 00:56:27,151
I just figured out it's impossible.

1331
00:56:27,184 --> 00:56:28,285
Uh, uh, there, you see?

1332
00:56:28,318 --> 00:56:30,655
That's a scientific approach, proving the impossible,

1333
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:32,690
Uh, right, Mr. Green?

1334
00:56:32,723 --> 00:56:34,425
Well, I don't know, judge.

1335
00:56:34,459 --> 00:56:36,961
In Vermont, we don't make up our minds so fast.

1336
00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:38,963
We like to give a little thought to things.

1337
00:56:38,996 --> 00:56:41,098
And quite right, Mr. Green.

1338
00:56:41,131 --> 00:56:42,967
You like to give a little thought to things,

1339
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,570
So does Merlin, don't you, Merlin?

1340
00:56:45,603 --> 00:56:47,004
You can give this a little thought,

1341
00:56:47,037 --> 00:56:49,006
Can't you, for, uh, $10 million?

1342
00:56:49,039 --> 00:56:51,942
$10 million? Ha ha!

1343
00:56:51,976 --> 00:56:53,878
There, you see, Mr. Green? The check, please.

1344
00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:56,714
No, no, no, I insist.

1345
00:56:56,747 --> 00:56:58,115
Uh, you are a guest at Midvale,

1346
00:56:58,148 --> 00:57:00,818
And I will not have you spending one cent.

1347
00:57:00,851 --> 00:57:02,920
Merlin...

1348
00:57:02,953 --> 00:57:04,722
Mr. Green and I have complete confidence in you.

1349
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:07,124
From now on, man-powered flight
is completely in your hands.

1350
00:57:07,157 --> 00:57:08,993
This way, this way, Mr. Green.

1351
00:57:09,026 --> 00:57:11,496
Ha ha ha.

1352
00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,966
Merlin, why don't you hurry up and invent that plane

1353
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:17,702
So you can take me to the movie?

1354
00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:19,103
It's not as easy as that.

1355
00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:20,538
Why not?

1356
00:57:20,571 --> 00:57:22,206
Jennifer, can't you see what a man's up against

1357
00:57:22,239 --> 00:57:24,575
When he tries to fly under his own power?

1358
00:57:24,609 --> 00:57:25,676
Stanley, give me the bird.

1359
00:57:25,710 --> 00:57:27,845
[imitating birdcall]

1360
00:57:29,847 --> 00:57:31,115
That's not what I meant.

1361
00:57:31,148 --> 00:57:33,818
I want this bird.

1362
00:57:33,851 --> 00:57:35,520
See how it's designed for flight?

1363
00:57:35,553 --> 00:57:36,386
Look at the body--

1364
00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:38,723
Streamlined for cutting through the air.

1365
00:57:38,756 --> 00:57:39,857
It's cute.

1366
00:57:39,890 --> 00:57:41,592
Most important of all are the air cavities

1367
00:57:41,626 --> 00:57:43,260
That make a bird's bones very light.

1368
00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:45,863
Man's bones are solid.

1369
00:57:45,896 --> 00:57:47,097
Don't the wings help, too?

1370
00:57:47,131 --> 00:57:48,265
Of course they help.

1371
00:57:48,298 --> 00:57:50,601
But man was designed for walking.

1372
00:57:50,635 --> 00:57:52,737
Man maybe, but not woman.

1373
00:57:52,770 --> 00:57:55,105
Walking in these shoes is torture.

1374
00:57:55,139 --> 00:57:56,774
I mean both man and woman.

1375
00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:58,976
Certainly you weren't designed for flying.

1376
00:57:59,009 --> 00:58:00,711
Of course not. I have no wings.

1377
00:58:00,745 --> 00:58:02,112
No wings and heavy legs.

1378
00:58:02,146 --> 00:58:04,248
Really, Merlin!

1379
00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:06,584
Oh, no, Jen, I didn't mean your legs personally.

1380
00:58:06,617 --> 00:58:08,586
I meant man's legs in general.

1381
00:58:08,619 --> 00:58:10,588
Oh.

1382
00:58:10,621 --> 00:58:13,123
But do you think my legs are too heavy?

1383
00:58:13,157 --> 00:58:14,525
Of course not.

1384
00:58:14,559 --> 00:58:16,994
I think your legs are...

1385
00:58:17,027 --> 00:58:20,097
How did we ever get into a discussion on your legs?

1386
00:58:20,130 --> 00:58:21,732
You were criticizing my figure.

1387
00:58:21,766 --> 00:58:23,734
Look, Jen, on the ground, your figure is gorgeous,

1388
00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:25,736
And that bird's is ridiculous.

1389
00:58:25,770 --> 00:58:28,138
But his was designed for flying, and yours wasn't.

1390
00:58:28,172 --> 00:58:30,274
Well, I just won't fly then, that's all.

1391
00:58:30,307 --> 00:58:32,142
Well, someone's got to,

1392
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:35,913
Or Midvale’s out $10 million and one football team.

1393
00:58:35,946 --> 00:58:37,982
I don't see how that's possible

1394
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:39,984
After what you've just explained.

1395
00:58:40,017 --> 00:58:42,119
After all, man isn't streamlined,

1396
00:58:42,152 --> 00:58:43,954
And he's got cavities in his teeth

1397
00:58:43,988 --> 00:58:45,122
Instead of his legs.

1398
00:58:45,155 --> 00:58:47,257
You're forgetting just one thing.

1399
00:58:47,291 --> 00:58:48,358
And man doesn't have wings?

1400
00:58:48,392 --> 00:58:52,262
No, something he does have-- a highly developed brain.

1401
00:58:52,296 --> 00:58:56,133
Man's brain is always enabling him to do the impossible.

1402
00:58:56,166 --> 00:58:58,268
Merlin, I can just see you now,

1403
00:58:58,302 --> 00:59:00,738
Flying through the air, soaring through the skies!

1404
00:59:00,771 --> 00:59:03,674
Well, no, Jen, I won't be doing the flying.

1405
00:59:03,708 --> 00:59:04,842
You won't?

1406
00:59:04,875 --> 00:59:06,010
Who will? I don't know.

1407
00:59:06,043 --> 00:59:07,277
We'll probably get a football player--

1408
00:59:07,311 --> 00:59:10,080
Someone with as much muscle and
as little weight as possible.

1409
00:59:10,114 --> 00:59:12,750
I just provide the brainpower.

1410
00:59:12,783 --> 00:59:16,253
Hmm, there's something wrong.

1411
00:59:16,286 --> 00:59:18,255
[chattering]

1412
00:59:20,958 --> 00:59:24,962
That's it, the cube of the velocity.

1413
00:59:24,995 --> 00:59:26,263
Thank you, Stanley.

1414
00:59:26,296 --> 00:59:29,133
[screeching]

1415
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:31,869
(Judge Holmsby) so, gentlemen, the Midvale football team

1416
00:59:31,902 --> 00:59:34,338
Is once again threatened by Mr. Dearborne.

1417
00:59:34,371 --> 00:59:35,873
[all booing]

1418
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:39,610
Once again, once again, the fate of the team

1419
00:59:39,644 --> 00:59:42,613
Is in the hands and the brain of Merlin Jones.

1420
00:59:42,647 --> 00:59:45,382
[all cheering]

1421
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:47,752
For now, I can reveal to you

1422
00:59:47,785 --> 00:59:50,154
That Merlin is working on a secret project,

1423
00:59:50,187 --> 00:59:51,756
Which, if successful,

1424
00:59:51,789 --> 00:59:54,992
Will bring to Midvale an endowment of $10 million.

1425
00:59:55,025 --> 00:59:56,293
[all whistling]

1426
00:59:56,326 --> 00:59:57,995
And with $10 million,

1427
00:59:58,028 --> 01:00:01,265
We can utterly reject Mr. Asterbilt's $1 million,

1428
01:00:01,298 --> 01:00:03,133
And the conditions that go with it,

1429
01:00:03,167 --> 01:00:05,836
And preserve football at Midvale forever.

1430
01:00:05,870 --> 01:00:09,073
[all cheering]

1431
01:00:09,106 --> 01:00:09,940
However,

1432
01:00:09,974 --> 01:00:12,276
Merlin is now at a stage in this project

1433
01:00:12,309 --> 01:00:15,145
Where he does need the assistance of one man.

1434
01:00:15,179 --> 01:00:17,882
And I believe the Mu Mus should have the honor

1435
01:00:17,915 --> 01:00:19,149
Of providing that man.

1436
01:00:19,183 --> 01:00:22,887
[all cheering]

1437
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:25,422
As head of this fraternity, I volunteer the services

1438
01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,424
Of every single Mu Mu in this room!

1439
01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:29,159
[all cheering]

1440
01:00:29,193 --> 01:00:31,428
Fine, Haywood, fine.

1441
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:34,031
Now, all we have to do is decide which one it will be.

1442
01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:35,432
Merlin has the names of four men

1443
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:37,301
Whom he thinks have the right qualifications.

1444
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:38,435
Call them out, Merlin.

1445
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:39,904
Then we'll draw straws

1446
01:00:39,937 --> 01:00:41,672
And see who the lucky one will be.

1447
01:00:41,706 --> 01:00:43,874
Yes, sir. Jim Andrews.

1448
01:00:47,044 --> 01:00:48,245
Leon.

1449
01:00:48,278 --> 01:00:51,882
[all cheering]

1450
01:00:51,916 --> 01:00:53,884
A.J. Cobb.

1451
01:00:53,918 --> 01:00:54,885
Me?!

1452
01:00:54,919 --> 01:00:56,020
[all cheering]

1453
01:00:56,053 --> 01:00:58,122
And, finally, Norman!

1454
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:00,124
[all cheering]

1455
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:02,893
Hey, Merlin, what is this secret project?

1456
01:01:02,927 --> 01:01:03,894
Man-powered flight--

1457
01:01:03,928 --> 01:01:06,296
A flying machine powered only by a man's muscles.

1458
01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:08,032
It'll never work. Maybe not.

1459
01:01:08,065 --> 01:01:09,099
But we're gonna try.

1460
01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:10,300
We?

1461
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:11,435
Sure.

1462
01:01:11,468 --> 01:01:13,938
Me and whichever one of you
wins the job of flying it.

1463
01:01:13,971 --> 01:01:15,405
Flying it?!

1464
01:01:15,439 --> 01:01:17,708
(Leon) you mean one of us is gonna fly it?

1465
01:01:17,742 --> 01:01:19,777
I don't think I’m the right man for the job.

1466
01:01:19,810 --> 01:01:20,911
I got this sinus condition.

1467
01:01:20,945 --> 01:01:22,146
Yeah, and I got dandruff.

1468
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:24,281
Oh, really, I do. Look.

1469
01:01:24,314 --> 01:01:25,883
Just one moment.

1470
01:01:25,916 --> 01:01:28,152
Mu Mu honor is at stake.

1471
01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,420
We'll go ahead and draw straws.

1472
01:01:30,454 --> 01:01:31,756
The longest one loses.

1473
01:01:31,789 --> 01:01:33,157
[chuckles] I mean wins--

1474
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:34,358
Wins the honor of flying.

1475
01:01:34,391 --> 01:01:35,893
[indistinct chatter]

1476
01:01:35,926 --> 01:01:37,294
Quiet. Quiet, gentlemen!

1477
01:01:37,327 --> 01:01:38,195
Quiet.

1478
01:01:38,228 --> 01:01:40,164
Remember, this is an important moment.

1479
01:01:40,197 --> 01:01:42,199
Line up, please.

1480
01:01:47,537 --> 01:01:49,807
Norman.

1481
01:02:08,926 --> 01:02:10,828
[laughing]

1482
01:02:13,197 --> 01:02:15,199
Jim.

1483
01:02:25,409 --> 01:02:27,477
A.J.

1484
01:02:43,193 --> 01:02:45,229
Leon.

1485
01:02:55,405 --> 01:02:59,776
[all cheering, shouting indistinctly]

1486
01:03:01,345 --> 01:03:03,848
Quiet! Fellas, quiet! Quiet!

1487
01:03:03,881 --> 01:03:05,482
My boy, I want you to know

1488
01:03:05,515 --> 01:03:07,584
That Midvale will always remember and appreciate

1489
01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:08,919
What you're going to do,

1490
01:03:08,953 --> 01:03:11,188
No matter whether it's successful or not.

1491
01:03:11,221 --> 01:03:13,457
In fact, I intend to introduce a resolution

1492
01:03:13,490 --> 01:03:14,591
To the board of regents,

1493
01:03:14,624 --> 01:03:16,560
Asking them to name the stadium after you.

1494
01:03:16,593 --> 01:03:18,896
No fooling?

1495
01:03:18,929 --> 01:03:20,564
No fooling.

1496
01:03:20,597 --> 01:03:23,467
Just think, 90,000 cheering students in your stadium--

1497
01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:26,336
The Leon memorial stadium.

1498
01:03:26,370 --> 01:03:27,504
Memorial stadium?!

1499
01:03:27,537 --> 01:03:29,439
[laughter]

1500
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:31,175
Well, uh, I just called it

1501
01:03:31,208 --> 01:03:32,442
The first thing that came into my head.

1502
01:03:32,476 --> 01:03:34,411
You can call it anything you'd like.

1503
01:03:34,444 --> 01:03:36,180
[whimpers] I want to call it quits.

1504
01:03:36,213 --> 01:03:37,915
[all awing]

1505
01:03:37,948 --> 01:03:41,886
I don't think so... Are you ready, Leon?

1506
01:03:41,919 --> 01:03:44,321
I suppose so.

1507
01:03:44,354 --> 01:03:47,457
Oh, Leon, you look wonderful.

1508
01:03:47,491 --> 01:03:49,193
I do? Of course you do.

1509
01:03:49,226 --> 01:03:51,328
My boy, this is the last step in your training.

1510
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:52,196
I want you to see a film

1511
01:03:52,229 --> 01:03:54,198
Of various flying machines in action.

1512
01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:55,465
Lights, please, Jennifer.

1513
01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:57,868
There's always a chance to learn
from other people's mistakes.

1514
01:03:57,902 --> 01:04:00,070
Some of these flying machines are motor-driven,

1515
01:04:00,104 --> 01:04:02,940
So, of course, can't be used in man-powered flight.

1516
01:04:02,973 --> 01:04:05,409
Stanley?

1517
01:04:05,442 --> 01:04:06,643
But we're interested

1518
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:09,313
In the scientific thinking that went into designing them--

1519
01:04:09,346 --> 01:04:11,848
The aerodynamics, the theory of flight.

1520
01:04:15,953 --> 01:04:17,922
(Merlin) any fool can see this will never get off the ground.

1521
01:04:17,955 --> 01:04:19,990
Can't you, Leon? [laughing] sure.

1522
01:04:20,024 --> 01:04:23,327
At least this fella knew that the heavier the load,

1523
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:25,329
The more power needed for lifting,

1524
01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,164
So he kept the weight down.

1525
01:04:31,235 --> 01:04:33,370
[laughing] kept everything else down, too.

1526
01:04:35,072 --> 01:04:38,976
I wonder if Mr. Green would okay rockets.

1527
01:04:44,982 --> 01:04:47,384
Oh, guess not.

1528
01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:50,154
Any flying machine needs the lightest

1529
01:04:50,187 --> 01:04:53,390
And strongest materials possible.

1530
01:05:00,664 --> 01:05:02,566
Light enough to lift

1531
01:05:02,599 --> 01:05:05,369
And strong enough to hold together under pressure.

1532
01:05:08,338 --> 01:05:11,108
This is neither.

1533
01:05:11,141 --> 01:05:15,212
Now we come to the ornithoptic approach to flying.

1534
01:05:19,649 --> 01:05:21,585
Trying to fly by imitating

1535
01:05:21,618 --> 01:05:24,188
The up-and-down movement of a bird's wings,

1536
01:05:24,221 --> 01:05:25,322
Not unlike trying to swim

1537
01:05:25,355 --> 01:05:28,158
By imitating the wiggle of a fish's tail.

1538
01:05:28,192 --> 01:05:29,659
These fellas just didn't understand

1539
01:05:29,693 --> 01:05:31,695
The fundamentals of flying.

1540
01:05:38,002 --> 01:05:42,106
Now we see the application of scientific principles.

1541
01:05:48,045 --> 01:05:50,580
This wing structure represents a great advance.

1542
01:05:58,288 --> 01:06:00,724
[laughing]

1543
01:06:00,757 --> 01:06:03,493
But it isn't quite perfect.

1544
01:06:05,162 --> 01:06:07,397
Although it looks different, that flying machine

1545
01:06:07,431 --> 01:06:09,166
Is actually very much like ours.

1546
01:06:11,635 --> 01:06:13,437
We'll look around and see if
we can find a cliff like that

1547
01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:14,471
To launch you from,

1548
01:06:14,504 --> 01:06:17,374
Take advantage of the air currents.

1549
01:06:27,751 --> 01:06:29,453
I guess there were no air currents that day.

1550
01:06:29,486 --> 01:06:30,587
It should've flown.

1551
01:06:30,620 --> 01:06:32,189
Lights.

1552
01:06:32,222 --> 01:06:35,759
The important thing, Leon, that we've learned is--

1553
01:06:35,792 --> 01:06:37,227
Leon?

1554
01:06:37,261 --> 01:06:39,329
Leon?!

1555
01:06:39,363 --> 01:06:40,797
What on earth are you doing?!

1556
01:06:40,830 --> 01:06:42,099
I'm taking off,

1557
01:06:42,132 --> 01:06:43,767
But with both feet on the ground.

1558
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:46,203
Didn't you learn anything from the film?

1559
01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:48,372
Sure. I learned what kind of a bird I am--

1560
01:06:48,405 --> 01:06:50,374
Chicken.

1561
01:06:50,407 --> 01:06:52,376
[Stanley chattering]

1562
01:06:55,645 --> 01:06:57,747
You know, Leon, this man-powered flight project

1563
01:06:57,781 --> 01:07:00,150
Is making you the hero of the campus.

1564
01:07:00,184 --> 01:07:01,751
All the girls sigh whenever your name is mentioned.

1565
01:07:01,785 --> 01:07:03,720
They do?

1566
01:07:03,753 --> 01:07:05,622
And so do I.

1567
01:07:05,655 --> 01:07:06,723
You do?

1568
01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:07,724
You do?

1569
01:07:07,757 --> 01:07:08,825
(Jennifer) just think,

1570
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:10,460
A man flying under his own power.

1571
01:07:10,494 --> 01:07:12,629
Ah, I’ve been thinking about it.

1572
01:07:12,662 --> 01:07:13,763
It's for the birds.

1573
01:07:13,797 --> 01:07:15,665
Oh, it's such a romantic idea,

1574
01:07:15,699 --> 01:07:18,068
Like the conquest of space,

1575
01:07:18,102 --> 01:07:19,769
Like those adorable astronauts,

1576
01:07:19,803 --> 01:07:22,239
Like the pioneers of the American west,

1577
01:07:22,272 --> 01:07:23,740
Like the bold explorers

1578
01:07:23,773 --> 01:07:25,475
Who first charted the polar regions.

1579
01:07:25,509 --> 01:07:27,077
Your name will go down in history

1580
01:07:27,111 --> 01:07:29,246
Alongside the other great ones--Columbus,

1581
01:07:29,279 --> 01:07:31,481
Lindbergh, and that little dog

1582
01:07:31,515 --> 01:07:33,350
The Russians first shot into space.

1583
01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:34,518
What was the little dog's name?

1584
01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:36,286
I don't remember.

1585
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:39,223
But your name will be remembered forever.

1586
01:07:39,256 --> 01:07:40,490
It will?

1587
01:07:40,524 --> 01:07:43,727
You mean like Columbus?

1588
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:45,229
And Lindbergh?

1589
01:07:45,262 --> 01:07:48,098
And that little Russian dog?

1590
01:07:48,132 --> 01:07:49,766
When do we take off? Tomorrow.

1591
01:07:49,799 --> 01:07:50,767
That's too soon.

1592
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:51,835
It's only a test flight

1593
01:07:51,868 --> 01:07:54,304
To give you confidence and experience.

1594
01:07:54,338 --> 01:07:55,672
For the official flight, of course,

1595
01:07:55,705 --> 01:07:57,107
You'll have to take off under your own power.

1596
01:07:57,141 --> 01:07:59,143
But tomorrow we're going to launch you

1597
01:07:59,176 --> 01:08:01,245
From the top of a car going 90 miles an hour.

1598
01:08:01,278 --> 01:08:03,113
90 miles an hour?!

1599
01:08:03,147 --> 01:08:06,383
You're not afraid of going 90 miles an hour, not you.

1600
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:09,119
Well, it's just that it's illegal, a-and it's--

1601
01:08:09,153 --> 01:08:10,854
Yes, I’m afraid.

1602
01:08:10,887 --> 01:08:12,489
Aw, don't let the 90-mile-an-hour part scare you.

1603
01:08:12,522 --> 01:08:13,490
We'll launch you at 60.

1604
01:08:13,523 --> 01:08:14,591
Smile, Leon.

1605
01:08:14,624 --> 01:08:16,660
You look as though you've been sentenced to death.

1606
01:08:16,693 --> 01:08:18,528
Well, now that you mention it.

1607
01:08:18,562 --> 01:08:20,130
Leon, I’m going to eliminate your fears.

1608
01:08:20,164 --> 01:08:21,765
You're calling the whole thing off?

1609
01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,368
No, Merlin’s going to prepare you psychologically.

1610
01:08:24,401 --> 01:08:26,336
Consider the bumblebee.

1611
01:08:26,370 --> 01:08:28,738
Now scientists know that it's aerodynamically unsound

1612
01:08:28,772 --> 01:08:30,207
And shouldn't be able to fly.

1613
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:31,508
But the bumblebee doesn't know it.

1614
01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:32,742
So he goes and flies anyway.

1615
01:08:32,776 --> 01:08:33,777
And the bird doesn't worry

1616
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:35,379
About whether or not he can get off the ground.

1617
01:08:35,412 --> 01:08:37,614
He just takes off and flies.

1618
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:39,183
And Merlin wants you to think like a bird.

1619
01:08:39,216 --> 01:08:41,518
How do I do that? We're going to help you.

1620
01:08:41,551 --> 01:08:44,254
You're going to sleep here, and I’ll sing to you all night.

1621
01:08:44,288 --> 01:08:46,256
Oh. And will you hold my hand?

1622
01:08:46,290 --> 01:08:48,658
Oh, I’m not going to be here. I'll sing to you on a record.

1623
01:08:48,692 --> 01:08:50,760
Oh, I see. It's sleep learning, Leon,

1624
01:08:50,794 --> 01:08:54,364
The same technique that got you an "a" in English lit.

1625
01:08:54,398 --> 01:08:55,932
That's how you're going to learn to think like a bird.

1626
01:08:55,965 --> 01:08:59,336
And tomorrow you'll be the first
man to fly under his own power.

1627
01:08:59,369 --> 01:09:01,771
[chattering] there you are, Leon. Now, to bed we go.

1628
01:09:01,805 --> 01:09:05,141
Just relax, and don't worry about a thing.

1629
01:09:08,278 --> 01:09:09,846
Just empty your mind.

1630
01:09:11,948 --> 01:09:14,551
That's it. Very good.

1631
01:09:14,584 --> 01:09:15,785
I can see by the look on your face,

1632
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:17,487
You don't have a thought in your head.

1633
01:09:17,521 --> 01:09:19,523
Just keep it that way.

1634
01:09:19,556 --> 01:09:22,626
Your head is an empty cup,

1635
01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:25,529
Which we will fill with the thoughts we want in it.

1636
01:09:25,562 --> 01:09:26,663
Good night, Leon.

1637
01:09:26,696 --> 01:09:28,164
Pleasant dreams.

1638
01:09:32,702 --> 01:09:35,205
(Jennifer on record player) hello, Leon.

1639
01:09:35,239 --> 01:09:37,674
I have a message for you.

1640
01:09:37,707 --> 01:09:39,943
Just say to yourself,

1641
01:09:39,976 --> 01:09:43,647
"I can fly like a hawk."

1642
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:48,618
Never walk, I just fly

1643
01:09:48,652 --> 01:09:52,756
I can fly like a thrush

1644
01:09:52,789 --> 01:09:55,925
In a rush through the sky

1645
01:09:55,959 --> 01:09:59,663
As swiftly as an arrow

1646
01:09:59,696 --> 01:10:07,937
As gently as a sparrow I can fly I can fly

1647
01:10:07,971 --> 01:10:11,575
I can fly

1648
01:10:32,796 --> 01:10:35,565
[birds honking]

1649
01:10:58,555 --> 01:11:01,291
[honking continues]

1650
01:11:02,726 --> 01:11:05,395
[honks]

1651
01:11:10,334 --> 01:11:12,436
[pigeon cooing]

1652
01:11:12,469 --> 01:11:14,571
[squawking]

1653
01:11:27,083 --> 01:11:29,719
[crow cawing]

1654
01:11:31,621 --> 01:11:33,890
[caws]

1655
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:43,600
Oh.

1656
01:11:50,774 --> 01:11:53,076
Okay, Leon, here we go.

1657
01:11:53,109 --> 01:11:54,344
Uh, Jennifer?

1658
01:11:54,378 --> 01:11:55,345
Yes, Leon?

1659
01:11:55,379 --> 01:11:56,880
Sing to me again.

1660
01:11:56,913 --> 01:12:00,784
All right, Leon.

1661
01:12:00,817 --> 01:12:03,787
I can fly like a hawk

1662
01:12:03,820 --> 01:12:07,524
Never walk, I just fly

1663
01:12:07,557 --> 01:12:10,527
I can fly like a thrush

1664
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,563
In a rush through the sky

1665
01:12:13,597 --> 01:12:16,700
[both singing] as swiftly as an arrow

1666
01:12:16,733 --> 01:12:22,839
As gently as a sparrow I can fly I can fly

1667
01:12:22,872 --> 01:12:25,709
I can fly

1668
01:12:27,944 --> 01:12:29,946
He's okay now.

1669
01:12:29,979 --> 01:12:31,815
Stanley, be sure and trip the release [engine turning]

1670
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:33,850
As soon as I put on the brake.

1671
01:12:37,454 --> 01:12:40,490
I can fly like a hawk

1672
01:12:40,524 --> 01:12:49,766
Never walk, I just fly 25... 30... 35...

1673
01:12:49,799 --> 01:12:51,568
40...

1674
01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:56,940
(Leon) I can fly like a hawk

1675
01:12:56,973 --> 01:12:59,709
Never walk, I just fly

1676
01:12:59,743 --> 01:13:02,479
I can fly like a thrush

1677
01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:07,751
In a rush through the sky 52... 54...

1678
01:13:07,784 --> 01:13:12,789
I can fly, I can fly 60!

1679
01:13:12,822 --> 01:13:14,090
[brakes squeal] whee!

1680
01:13:16,460 --> 01:13:17,927
You've done it! You've done it!

1681
01:13:21,498 --> 01:13:25,569
I can fly like a hawk

1682
01:13:25,602 --> 01:13:29,639
Never walk, I just fly

1683
01:13:29,673 --> 01:13:33,577
I can fly like a thrush

1684
01:13:33,610 --> 01:13:37,080
In a rush through the sky

1685
01:13:37,113 --> 01:13:40,850
As swiftly as an arrow

1686
01:13:40,884 --> 01:13:48,725
As gently as a sparrow I can fly I can fly

1687
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:52,195
I can fly

1688
01:13:52,228 --> 01:13:55,231
Merlin, can I ask a dumb question? Sure.

1689
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:57,667
How does he land?

1690
01:13:57,701 --> 01:13:59,969
That's the one bug I haven't ironed out yet.

1691
01:14:00,003 --> 01:14:05,575
I can fly [breathing heavily]

1692
01:14:05,609 --> 01:14:07,110
I can fly.

1693
01:14:07,143 --> 01:14:10,580
I can... Fly?

1694
01:14:10,614 --> 01:14:12,582
Fly?!

1695
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:14,884
I can't fly!

1696
01:14:14,918 --> 01:14:16,753
He's falling!

1697
01:14:28,865 --> 01:14:31,801
Don't panic! Land on this!

1698
01:14:34,070 --> 01:14:35,138
Right there, Merlin.

1699
01:14:35,171 --> 01:14:36,906
Right there, right--no. Hey!

1700
01:14:36,940 --> 01:14:38,174
Over here, Merlin!

1701
01:14:39,543 --> 01:14:41,811
That's the wrong way!

1702
01:14:41,845 --> 01:14:43,246
This way!

1703
01:14:43,279 --> 01:14:45,749
Get that thing under me!

1704
01:14:45,782 --> 01:14:47,751
Merlin, help me! Quick!

1705
01:14:47,784 --> 01:14:49,719
Faster.

1706
01:14:49,753 --> 01:14:52,556
Go faster. Faster, faster, faster!

1707
01:14:52,589 --> 01:14:54,691
(Merlin) I’m going quick. Don't worry!

1708
01:14:54,724 --> 01:14:56,726
Run faster, Merlin.

1709
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:57,827
Come on!

1710
01:14:57,861 --> 01:15:00,029
Run faster, please!

1711
01:15:00,063 --> 01:15:02,999
Th--that's it, Merlin.

1712
01:15:03,032 --> 01:15:04,568
But run faster!

1713
01:15:04,601 --> 01:15:06,235
Faster!

1714
01:15:06,269 --> 01:15:08,104
Faster!

1715
01:15:08,137 --> 01:15:10,974
Oh!

1716
01:15:11,007 --> 01:15:12,141
Unh!

1717
01:15:14,143 --> 01:15:15,979
Help!

1718
01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:18,081
Help! Somebody help!

1719
01:15:18,114 --> 01:15:19,883
Look out for the hog wallow!

1720
01:15:19,916 --> 01:15:22,218
What hog wallow?!

1721
01:15:22,251 --> 01:15:23,820
Oh!

1722
01:15:23,853 --> 01:15:28,091
Aaah!

1723
01:15:28,124 --> 01:15:29,626
Oh, Leon!

1724
01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:31,260
[laughing] [pigs squealing]

1725
01:15:41,638 --> 01:15:43,139
Leon, are you all right?

1726
01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:46,009
Say something, Leon. Why doesn't he say anything?

1727
01:15:46,042 --> 01:15:49,145
Leon, say something. All right, I will.

1728
01:15:49,178 --> 01:15:51,280
I don't want a memorial stadium.

1729
01:15:51,314 --> 01:15:52,749
I don't want to go down in history

1730
01:15:52,782 --> 01:15:55,018
With Columbus and the pioneers

1731
01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:57,821
And that little Russian dog
whose name you can't remember.

1732
01:15:57,854 --> 01:15:59,122
I quit!

1733
01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:00,957
K-W-I-T, "kwit"!

1734
01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:03,259
[groans]

1735
01:16:03,292 --> 01:16:04,728
[spits]

1736
01:16:04,761 --> 01:16:06,095
Oh, Mrs. Gossett, are you sure

1737
01:16:06,129 --> 01:16:07,697
There've been no calls for me?

1738
01:16:07,731 --> 01:16:09,265
That's the third time you've asked in the last hour.

1739
01:16:09,298 --> 01:16:11,968
This is good. Best eatin' I
had since I left new England.

1740
01:16:12,001 --> 01:16:13,603
Thank you. Please have some more.

1741
01:16:13,637 --> 01:16:15,605
Uh, no, thanks. I had three helpings already.

1742
01:16:15,639 --> 01:16:17,006
Four.

1743
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:19,008
Oh, oh, but who counts? [laughing]

1744
01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:21,310
[doorbell rings] uh, I’ll get it.

1745
01:16:30,787 --> 01:16:33,823
The test-- how did it go?

1746
01:16:35,191 --> 01:16:40,296
It wasn't that bad... Was it, Jennifer?

1747
01:16:40,329 --> 01:16:41,430
But...

1748
01:16:41,464 --> 01:16:44,267
Merlin, the important thing is, you must not give up.

1749
01:16:44,300 --> 01:16:46,402
If you don't have a man flying within two days,

1750
01:16:46,435 --> 01:16:48,404
Midvale college loses $10 million

1751
01:16:48,437 --> 01:16:49,839
And its football team.

1752
01:16:49,873 --> 01:16:51,074
Judge, try and understand.

1753
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:54,143
I tried to get around the laws
of aerodynamics and failed.

1754
01:16:54,177 --> 01:16:55,779
The project was doomed from the start!

1755
01:16:55,812 --> 01:16:58,014
[whispering] shh, quiet, Merlin.

1756
01:16:58,047 --> 01:16:59,949
We don't want Mr. Green to get discouraged.

1757
01:16:59,983 --> 01:17:01,985
[whispering] what about me?

1758
01:17:02,018 --> 01:17:03,853
I'm discouraged up to here.

1759
01:17:03,887 --> 01:17:05,021
Oh, but that's different.

1760
01:17:05,054 --> 01:17:07,223
Don't you think Einstein was discouraged

1761
01:17:07,256 --> 01:17:10,293
Before he discovered... Whatever it was he discovered.

1762
01:17:10,326 --> 01:17:12,428
But did he give up? No, he did not.

1763
01:17:12,461 --> 01:17:15,031
He kept right on until he discovered

1764
01:17:15,064 --> 01:17:17,000
W-w-whatever it was he discovered.

1765
01:17:17,033 --> 01:17:21,137
Judge, listen, "a," the test flight was a bust.

1766
01:17:21,170 --> 01:17:24,373
"b," Leon quit. "c," I quit.

1767
01:17:25,909 --> 01:17:27,143
I'm sorry, judge.

1768
01:17:27,176 --> 01:17:28,712
Wait a minute, Jennifer.

1769
01:17:28,745 --> 01:17:30,113
It's up to you now.

1770
01:17:30,146 --> 01:17:31,748
You must get Merlin back on the track.

1771
01:17:31,781 --> 01:17:34,718
[whispering] but I couldn't possibly--

1772
01:17:34,751 --> 01:17:37,420
Listen, behind every man who
ever accomplished anything,

1773
01:17:37,453 --> 01:17:40,223
There's a woman nagging him on to success.

1774
01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:41,390
On your fair shoulders

1775
01:17:41,424 --> 01:17:44,393
Rests the fortune of Midvale college.

1776
01:17:44,427 --> 01:17:46,996
You must persuade Merlin not to give up.

1777
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:49,398
Persuade him? How?

1778
01:17:49,432 --> 01:17:52,401
Girls are born knowing how, especially the pretty ones.

1779
01:17:52,435 --> 01:17:54,771
(Merlin) coming, Jen?

1780
01:17:54,804 --> 01:17:56,105
Good night, judge.

1781
01:17:56,139 --> 01:17:57,807
Good night.

1782
01:18:06,215 --> 01:18:08,718
This is the finest cigar I ever smoked.

1783
01:18:08,752 --> 01:18:09,986
I'm glad you're enjoying it.

1784
01:18:10,019 --> 01:18:11,420
Thought I heard Merlin. Was that Merlin?

1785
01:18:11,454 --> 01:18:13,890
Merlin? Oh, Merlin.

1786
01:18:13,923 --> 01:18:15,158
Yes, that was Merlin.

1787
01:18:15,191 --> 01:18:17,761
Well, how did the test flight go?

1788
01:18:17,794 --> 01:18:18,762
Marvelously.

1789
01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:20,764
It was a smashing success,

1790
01:18:20,797 --> 01:18:22,866
Absolutely smashing.

1791
01:18:22,899 --> 01:18:26,302
What more can I do, Jen? I've tried and failed.

1792
01:18:26,335 --> 01:18:29,438
Quitters never win, and winners never quit.

1793
01:18:29,472 --> 01:18:31,174
Man can't fly under his own power.

1794
01:18:31,207 --> 01:18:33,176
Look, if you like, I can show you mathematically

1795
01:18:33,209 --> 01:18:35,478
Why this is aerodynamically impossible.

1796
01:18:35,511 --> 01:18:37,313
I don't care about all that.

1797
01:18:37,346 --> 01:18:39,315
I just know you can do it.

1798
01:18:39,348 --> 01:18:41,885
But great minds throughout the ages

1799
01:18:41,918 --> 01:18:43,753
Have tried to solve this problem--

1800
01:18:43,787 --> 01:18:46,956
Icarus, Leonardo da Vinci.

1801
01:18:46,990 --> 01:18:50,126
And now Merlin Jones.

1802
01:18:50,159 --> 01:18:52,328
That's you, dear.

1803
01:18:52,361 --> 01:18:54,497
No, man-powered flight's impossible.

1804
01:18:54,530 --> 01:18:56,332
Nothing's impossible for you.

1805
01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:58,234
This is.

1806
01:18:58,267 --> 01:19:00,536
Jen, I’ve got to face the facts.

1807
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,906
I designed the best possible flying machine I could,

1808
01:19:02,939 --> 01:19:04,407
But it wasn't good enough.

1809
01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:08,144
And why wasn't it good enough?
Because man isn't strong enough.

1810
01:19:08,177 --> 01:19:10,446
Then why don't you make man stronger.

1811
01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:12,281
Jen.

1812
01:19:12,315 --> 01:19:13,382
What's the matter? You've done it again.

1813
01:19:13,416 --> 01:19:15,551
You just put your finger on it with your dumb question.

1814
01:19:15,584 --> 01:19:17,921
On what?

1815
01:19:20,556 --> 01:19:22,258
[growling] oh!

1816
01:19:22,291 --> 01:19:23,793
Merlin!

1817
01:19:25,161 --> 01:19:26,329
Oh!

1818
01:19:26,362 --> 01:19:27,897
Merlin!

1819
01:19:27,931 --> 01:19:29,432
Merlin, I didn't mean to hurt you.

1820
01:19:29,465 --> 01:19:30,499
I was scared.

1821
01:19:30,533 --> 01:19:32,568
I didn't know what I was doing.

1822
01:19:32,601 --> 01:19:34,804
You did just what I wanted you to.

1823
01:19:34,838 --> 01:19:38,274
You mean you wanted me to... I frightened you.

1824
01:19:38,307 --> 01:19:40,944
And the fear sent a surge of adrenaline into your bloodstream

1825
01:19:40,977 --> 01:19:43,012
The adrenaline made your heart beat faster

1826
01:19:43,046 --> 01:19:45,214
And released sugar into your circulatory system,

1827
01:19:45,248 --> 01:19:47,450
Providing you with a temporary super energy,

1828
01:19:47,483 --> 01:19:48,952
A superstrength.

1829
01:19:48,985 --> 01:19:51,320
Merlin, are you sure you're all right?

1830
01:19:51,354 --> 01:19:52,989
I'm fine. Don't you see, Jen?

1831
01:19:53,022 --> 01:19:55,458
If you did the same thing now that the moment of fear is gone,

1832
01:19:55,491 --> 01:19:57,460
You wouldn't have a fraction of the power in your punch.

1833
01:19:57,493 --> 01:19:59,062
You wouldn't be able to hurt me at all.

1834
01:19:59,095 --> 01:20:01,030
I don't want to hurt you.

1835
01:20:01,064 --> 01:20:02,598
Jen, will you try and be scientific for a minute

1836
01:20:02,631 --> 01:20:04,901
And not just feminine?

1837
01:20:04,934 --> 01:20:06,903
Don't you see? Adrenaline is the answer to our problem,

1838
01:20:06,936 --> 01:20:09,172
Because it makes men stronger.

1839
01:20:09,205 --> 01:20:11,307
Remember when I did this?

1840
01:20:11,340 --> 01:20:13,409
[growling]

1841
01:20:13,442 --> 01:20:15,411
Stop that!

1842
01:20:15,444 --> 01:20:17,180
Leave that girl alone!

1843
01:20:17,213 --> 01:20:19,015
Aah!

1844
01:20:19,048 --> 01:20:22,485
I trust, young lady, that brute didn't hurt you.

1845
01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:24,888
You hurt him!

1846
01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:33,229
Oh!

1847
01:20:33,262 --> 01:20:34,463
You see, Jen? Adrenaline again!

1848
01:20:34,497 --> 01:20:35,899
Anger works the same way as fear,

1849
01:20:35,932 --> 01:20:37,300
And with adrenaline in your bloodstream,

1850
01:20:37,333 --> 01:20:39,468
You're as strong as an overgrown gorilla.

1851
01:20:39,502 --> 01:20:42,071
Merlin Jones. I should've known.

1852
01:20:42,105 --> 01:20:43,172
Oh, but, Mr. Dearborne--

1853
01:20:43,206 --> 01:20:44,073
Oh, I’m terribly sorry.

1854
01:20:44,107 --> 01:20:46,342
Stay away from me, you female monster, you.

1855
01:20:46,375 --> 01:20:47,343
But, mister--

1856
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:49,578
One step nearer, and I shall yell for the police.

1857
01:20:49,612 --> 01:20:51,614
I just wanted to explain. No, no!

1858
01:20:58,087 --> 01:20:59,055
[laughs]

1859
01:20:59,088 --> 01:21:00,756
Come on, we got work to do.

1860
01:21:04,627 --> 01:21:06,129
(Merlin) what I’m trying to do

1861
01:21:06,162 --> 01:21:08,331
Is synthesize an adrenaline derivative

1862
01:21:08,364 --> 01:21:10,633
That won't just give a burst of superstrength,

1863
01:21:10,666 --> 01:21:13,937
But will produce a sustained surge of power.

1864
01:21:13,970 --> 01:21:16,639
But you've been working on this almost all night.

1865
01:21:16,672 --> 01:21:18,474
Wouldn't be easier to make a person angry?

1866
01:21:18,507 --> 01:21:19,943
But you couldn't keep him angry,

1867
01:21:19,976 --> 01:21:21,444
Especially after he were airborne.

1868
01:21:21,477 --> 01:21:27,583
Now, then... Liquid strength.

1869
01:21:27,616 --> 01:21:29,318
Now, let's see if it works.

1870
01:21:29,352 --> 01:21:31,320
Oh, no! I'm not going to let you take it.

1871
01:21:31,354 --> 01:21:34,590
That's Stanley’s job, isn't it, Stanley?

1872
01:21:37,326 --> 01:21:39,328
You see? He likes it.

1873
01:21:46,102 --> 01:21:49,072
[growling loudly]

1874
01:22:11,427 --> 01:22:14,430
[grunting loudly]

1875
01:22:14,463 --> 01:22:17,066
Look at that.

1876
01:22:17,100 --> 01:22:20,103
[accordion noises]

1877
01:22:21,737 --> 01:22:24,440
Isn't that wonderful?

1878
01:22:27,543 --> 01:22:30,346
[metal warping]

1879
01:22:30,379 --> 01:22:32,715
[chattering wildly]

1880
01:22:32,748 --> 01:22:36,285
That's quite enough, Stanley. You proved your point.

1881
01:22:36,319 --> 01:22:38,354
Stanley! Put that down at once!

1882
01:22:38,387 --> 01:22:40,423
[growling]

1883
01:22:46,562 --> 01:22:49,565
[chattering wildly]

1884
01:22:49,598 --> 01:22:52,101
Well, anyway, this means that with liquid strength,

1885
01:22:52,135 --> 01:22:53,469
Man-powered flight will work.

1886
01:22:53,502 --> 01:22:55,171
I'll call the judge and tell him

1887
01:22:55,204 --> 01:22:56,739
To have Darius green on the field in the morning

1888
01:22:56,772 --> 01:22:58,274
And to make sure he brings his checkbook with him.

1889
01:22:58,307 --> 01:23:00,643
But Leon quit. We don't need Leon.

1890
01:23:00,676 --> 01:23:03,412
Now that we have liquid strength, I can do it myself.

1891
01:23:03,446 --> 01:23:06,015
Oh, Merlin, you're wonderful.

1892
01:23:06,049 --> 01:23:08,084
I couldn't have done it without you.

1893
01:23:08,117 --> 01:23:10,319
You asked the most brilliant dumb questions

1894
01:23:10,353 --> 01:23:11,387
Of anyone I know.

1895
01:23:11,420 --> 01:23:14,157
Oh, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

1896
01:23:14,190 --> 01:23:15,591
Jen, you're really wonderful.

1897
01:23:15,624 --> 01:23:16,592
Merlin!

1898
01:23:16,625 --> 01:23:18,494
Stanley, put me down.

1899
01:23:18,527 --> 01:23:20,463
Stanley, you put Merlin down. Put me down.

1900
01:23:20,496 --> 01:23:21,464
Come on, now, put me down.

1901
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:22,765
Put him down. Stanley.

1902
01:23:22,798 --> 01:23:24,200
Stanley, put him down. Stanley, come on.

1903
01:23:24,233 --> 01:23:26,102
Stanley. You put him down this minute.

1904
01:23:26,135 --> 01:23:27,503
Stanley, put me down.

1905
01:23:27,536 --> 01:23:30,506
Let me say, Mr. Green, how grateful we are

1906
01:23:30,539 --> 01:23:32,508
For your very generous offer.

1907
01:23:32,541 --> 01:23:33,642
Oh, nothing to it.

1908
01:23:33,676 --> 01:23:35,744
That young fella there can clear my granddaddy's name,

1909
01:23:35,778 --> 01:23:37,346
Worth every penny I have in the world.

1910
01:23:37,380 --> 01:23:38,747
Well, come and sit down, Mr. Green.

1911
01:23:38,781 --> 01:23:40,483
We're about ready to start.

1912
01:23:40,516 --> 01:23:41,350
Hardly looks like a man

1913
01:23:41,384 --> 01:23:43,086
With millions of dollars to give away.

1914
01:23:43,119 --> 01:23:45,354
Can't tell a man's wealth by his looks,

1915
01:23:45,388 --> 01:23:46,755
Only by his bank account.

1916
01:23:46,789 --> 01:23:48,357
But look at his clothes.

1917
01:23:48,391 --> 01:23:51,094
That's the way these rich eccentrics are.

1918
01:23:51,127 --> 01:23:52,228
The more money they've got,

1919
01:23:52,261 --> 01:23:55,131
The more deplorable their clothes.

1920
01:23:55,164 --> 01:23:56,365
Uh, have a cigar.

1921
01:23:56,399 --> 01:23:57,633
[chuckles] thanks.

1922
01:23:57,666 --> 01:23:59,368
Shall we, uh, go ahead?

1923
01:23:59,402 --> 01:24:01,770
Uh, yeah.

1924
01:24:01,804 --> 01:24:03,706
Take off when ready!

1925
01:24:03,739 --> 01:24:06,609
A-okay!

1926
01:24:06,642 --> 01:24:08,644
Good luck, Merlin.

1927
01:24:08,677 --> 01:24:10,379
Thanks, Jen.

1928
01:24:10,413 --> 01:24:12,115
Please be careful.

1929
01:24:14,283 --> 01:24:15,351
Ah.

1930
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:16,652
[gulps]

1931
01:24:18,221 --> 01:24:20,523
[exhaling deeply]

1932
01:24:34,303 --> 01:24:35,771
Off we go.

1933
01:24:40,276 --> 01:24:41,577
[whirring]

1934
01:24:41,610 --> 01:24:43,612
[chattering]

1935
01:24:47,516 --> 01:24:49,752
[chattering]

1936
01:24:49,785 --> 01:24:53,522
[whirring continues]

1937
01:25:09,505 --> 01:25:11,207
[chattering]

1938
01:25:15,411 --> 01:25:16,745
[chattering loudly]

1939
01:25:18,814 --> 01:25:22,185
[whirring intensifies]

1940
01:25:22,218 --> 01:25:23,386
[chattering]

1941
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:31,260
He made it!

1942
01:25:31,294 --> 01:25:33,529
I sure wish my granddaddy could see him now.

1943
01:25:42,538 --> 01:25:44,340
Look out!

1944
01:25:44,373 --> 01:25:47,176
Look at that. He can stay up there for hours.

1945
01:25:56,285 --> 01:25:57,920
Isn't he wonderful?

1946
01:26:02,858 --> 01:26:05,394
I'm getting so sure of that young fella

1947
01:26:05,428 --> 01:26:08,364
That I’m gonna write out this check right here and now.

1948
01:26:08,397 --> 01:26:10,399
Oh, there's no hurry, but here's the pen.

1949
01:26:10,433 --> 01:26:12,735
[laughs]

1950
01:26:12,768 --> 01:26:14,270
Well, I don't expect we'll need

1951
01:26:14,303 --> 01:26:17,273
Asterbilt's small change now, right, gentlemen?

1952
01:26:17,306 --> 01:26:18,641
Quite right. That's the end of Asterbilt.

1953
01:26:18,674 --> 01:26:21,510
And we can keep football at Midvale.

1954
01:26:21,544 --> 01:26:22,645
Here you are, judge.

1955
01:26:22,678 --> 01:26:24,247
Thank you, Mr. Green.

1956
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:25,248
[gasps]

1957
01:26:25,281 --> 01:26:27,650
This is not for $10 million.

1958
01:26:27,683 --> 01:26:30,453
No. He's doing so well up there,

1959
01:26:30,486 --> 01:26:33,222
I thought I’d up the ante.

1960
01:26:33,256 --> 01:26:36,292
[whirring continues]

1961
01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:39,395
He doubled it!

1962
01:26:39,428 --> 01:26:42,965
He put $20 million!

1963
01:27:03,686 --> 01:27:05,521
$20 million.

1964
01:27:05,554 --> 01:27:07,523
Where's Dearborne? I'd like him to see that check.

1965
01:27:07,556 --> 01:27:08,791
He said he might be a little late,

1966
01:27:08,824 --> 01:27:11,026
But that he'd be here.

1967
01:27:11,059 --> 01:27:13,796
Uh, you know something, judge?

1968
01:27:13,829 --> 01:27:15,030
I never thought he'd do it.

1969
01:27:15,063 --> 01:27:17,933
Oh, I never had any doubts. Merlin's a very brilliant boy.

1970
01:27:17,966 --> 01:27:19,935
He always seemed shatter-pated to me.

1971
01:27:19,968 --> 01:27:21,270
Shatter-pated?

1972
01:27:21,304 --> 01:27:22,938
Uh, touched, addled, moonstruck.

1973
01:27:22,971 --> 01:27:25,541
Well, I can understand how he might give that impression.

1974
01:27:25,574 --> 01:27:28,544
You see, his mind is always preoccupied

1975
01:27:28,577 --> 01:27:30,279
With scientific problems.

1976
01:27:30,313 --> 01:27:31,447
Uh, that bunch over there--

1977
01:27:31,480 --> 01:27:33,749
They're all shatter-pated, too.

1978
01:27:33,782 --> 01:27:35,551
[car door closes] well, they're very excited.

1979
01:27:35,584 --> 01:27:38,554
It isn't every day that they see a check for $20 million.

1980
01:27:38,587 --> 01:27:40,022
You know something, judge?

1981
01:27:40,055 --> 01:27:43,392
I've been looking at you, and I’ve come to the conclusion

1982
01:27:43,426 --> 01:27:44,660
You're shatter-pated, too.

1983
01:27:44,693 --> 01:27:46,529
Hello, Henry. We found you again.

1984
01:27:46,562 --> 01:27:48,997
Walter, Tony, this is Judge Holmsby.

1985
01:27:49,031 --> 01:27:49,998
(Walter) hi, Judge.

1986
01:27:50,032 --> 01:27:51,934
Well, come along, Henry.

1987
01:27:51,967 --> 01:27:54,069
But, gentlemen, you're mistaken.
This is Mr. Darius green.

1988
01:27:54,102 --> 01:27:56,805
Darius green? [chuckles]

1989
01:27:56,839 --> 01:27:58,441
Once he was Alexander Hamilton,

1990
01:27:58,474 --> 01:28:00,543
And he tried to give away the united states treasury.

1991
01:28:00,576 --> 01:28:01,544
[gasps]

1992
01:28:01,577 --> 01:28:03,412
Did he offer you any money?

1993
01:28:03,446 --> 01:28:07,350
Well, just--just $20 million for Midvale college.

1994
01:28:07,383 --> 01:28:08,817
Well, he must have liked you.

1995
01:28:08,851 --> 01:28:10,986
He only offered Harvard $5 million.

1996
01:28:11,019 --> 01:28:13,922
[stammering] you mean the whole thing...

1997
01:28:13,956 --> 01:28:17,092
His generosity is equaled only by his poverty.

1998
01:28:17,125 --> 01:28:19,094
Uh-huh. Come along, Henry.

1999
01:28:19,127 --> 01:28:20,663
Got to humor them, judge.

2000
01:28:20,696 --> 01:28:22,998
They're nice fellows, but they're both shatter-pated.

2001
01:28:23,031 --> 01:28:24,066
[laughs]

2002
01:28:24,099 --> 01:28:26,369
Good to see you, Tony. Hiya, Walter.

2003
01:28:29,538 --> 01:28:31,907
(Judge Holmsby) Merlin!

2004
01:28:31,940 --> 01:28:34,577
Merlin, it's all a mistake! The deal's off!

2005
01:28:34,610 --> 01:28:36,512
Why?! What's the matter?!

2006
01:28:36,545 --> 01:28:40,416
Mr. Darius green doesn't have any millions to give!

2007
01:28:40,449 --> 01:28:42,084
He's shatter-pated!

2008
01:28:42,117 --> 01:28:45,020
We're all of us shatter-pated!

2009
01:28:45,053 --> 01:28:48,424
Oh, no!

2010
01:28:48,457 --> 01:28:50,092
Oh, no!

2011
01:28:52,027 --> 01:28:53,562
Merlin, be careful!

2012
01:28:58,634 --> 01:29:00,436
[squealing]

2013
01:29:05,140 --> 01:29:06,409
Henry, Henry!

2014
01:29:06,442 --> 01:29:07,710
Come back!

2015
01:29:14,149 --> 01:29:16,985
[brakes squeal]

2016
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:20,823
Ahhh.

2017
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:22,525
[laughs] oh, yeah.

2018
01:29:22,558 --> 01:29:24,827
Merlin, are you sure you're all right?

2019
01:29:24,860 --> 01:29:26,429
Yeah, yeah, I’m all right.

2020
01:29:26,462 --> 01:29:28,664
Well, judge, there goes football at Midvale.

2021
01:29:28,697 --> 01:29:32,401
How would you like a mud bath?

2022
01:29:32,435 --> 01:29:34,102
[laughs] now, take it easy, judge.

2023
01:29:34,136 --> 01:29:36,104
No sense being a bad loser.

2024
01:29:36,138 --> 01:29:37,973
[laughing]

2025
01:29:38,006 --> 01:29:41,444
[laughing stops] why, Mr. Asterbilt, what are you doing here?

2026
01:29:41,477 --> 01:29:43,546
Delighted to see you, Dearborne.

2027
01:29:43,579 --> 01:29:45,147
I'll give you that check right now.

2028
01:29:45,180 --> 01:29:47,950
(Dearborne) oh, Mr. Asterbilt,
that's very kind of you, indeed.

2029
01:29:47,983 --> 01:29:51,420
Well, I have to go along with these shatter-pated fellas.

2030
01:29:51,454 --> 01:29:52,655
So I’ll just sign this,

2031
01:29:52,688 --> 01:29:55,691
And you fill it in now for any amount you want.

2032
01:29:55,724 --> 01:29:57,092
Come along.

2033
01:29:57,125 --> 01:30:00,095
Bye, Dearborne.

2034
01:30:00,128 --> 01:30:03,065
Where are those men taking Mr. Asterbilt?

2035
01:30:03,098 --> 01:30:06,535
[all laughing]

2036
01:30:06,569 --> 01:30:08,704
What's the matter with everybody?

2037
01:30:08,737 --> 01:30:10,439
Mr. Asterbilt just gave me a check

2038
01:30:10,473 --> 01:30:12,007
For any amount I care to name.

2039
01:30:12,040 --> 01:30:13,976
[laughing continues]

2040
01:30:14,009 --> 01:30:16,111
Well, if you're collecting his worthless checks,

2041
01:30:16,144 --> 01:30:18,213
Here's one for $20 million.

2042
01:30:18,246 --> 01:30:20,983
Oh. Oh, yes. [laughing]

2043
01:30:21,016 --> 01:30:23,852
[laughing]

2044
01:30:23,886 --> 01:30:29,892
Oh, yes, he... Easy come, easy... Go.

2045
01:30:32,895 --> 01:30:33,862
[whimpering]

2046
01:30:33,896 --> 01:30:36,865
Come back, Henry!

2047
01:30:36,899 --> 01:30:38,066
Come back!

2048
01:30:38,100 --> 01:30:39,668
[neighing]

2049
01:30:39,702 --> 01:30:41,937
Hi-oh, silver!

2050
01:30:41,970 --> 01:30:43,205
Away!

2051
01:30:43,238 --> 01:30:45,207
(all) hi-oh!

2052
01:30:45,240 --> 01:30:48,043
Oh, come back!

2053
01:30:48,076 --> 01:30:49,878
[all laughing]

2054
01:30:49,912 --> 01:30:49,978
Come back here, I say!