I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus.
Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy.
I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.
I just don't understand Christmas, I guess.
I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards...
...and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy.
I always end up feeling depressed.
Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know...
...who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem.
Maybe Lucy's right.
Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.
[ECHOES] Hello in there.
Rats.
Nobody sent me a Christmas card today.
I almost wish there weren't a holiday season.
I know nobody likes me.
Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?
Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.
I didn't send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.
Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?
Pigpen, you're the only person I know...
...who can raise a cloud of dust in a snowstorm.
[CHOMPING]
Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue.
It's fun.
Mm. Needs sugar.
It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes.
I always wait until January.
They sure look ripe to me.
You think you're so smart with that blanket.
What are you gonna do with it when you grow up?
Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.
I think you have a customer.
May I help you?
-I'm in sad shape. -Wait a minute.
Before you begin, I must ask that you pay in advance.
Five cents, please.
Boy, what a sound.
How I love to hear that old money plink, that beautiful sound of cold, hard cash.
That beautiful, beautiful sound. Nickels, nickels, nickels.
That beautiful sound of plinking nickels.
All right, now, what seems to be your trouble?
I feel depressed. I know I should be happy, but I'm not.
Well, as they say on TV...
...the mere fact that you realize you need help...
...indicates that you are not too far gone.
I think we'd better pinpoint your fears.
If we can find out what you're afraid of, we can label it.
Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.
-I don't think that's quite it. -How about cats?
If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.
Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.
Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacophobia.
Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean.
Or gephyrophobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges.
Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?
-What's pantophobia? -The fear of everything.
[SHOUTING] That's it!
Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it.
Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down.
You need involvement.
You need to get involved in some real Christmas project.
How would you like to be the director of our Christmas play?
Me? You want me to be the director of the Christmas play?
Sure, Charlie Brown. We need a director, you need involvement.
We've got a shepherd, musicians, animals, everyone you need.
We've even got a Christmas queen.
I don't know anything about directing a Christmas play.
Don't worry, I'll be there to help you. I'll meet you at the auditorium.
Incidentally, I know how you feel about all this Christmas business...
...getting depressed and all that.
It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want.
I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle...
...or clothes or something like that.
-What is it you want? -Real estate.
What's going on here?
What's this?
"Find the true meaning of Christmas. Win money, money, money.
Spectacular, super-colossal neighborhood Christmas-lights-and-display contest."
Lights-and-display contest? Oh, no.
My own dog gone commercial. I can't stand it. Oh....
I've been looking for you, big brother.
Will you please write a letter to Santa Claus for me?
Well, I don't have much time.
I'm supposed to get down to the school auditorium and direct a Christmas play.
You write it, and I'll tell you what I want to say.
Okay, shoot.
Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? Did you have a nice summer?
How is your wife?
I have been extra good this year...
...so I have a long list of presents that I want.
Oh, brother.
Please note the size and color of each item and send as many as possible.
If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself:
Just send money.
-How about 10s and 20s? -Tens and 20s? Oh....
Even my baby sister.
All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
All right, quiet, everybody.
Our director will be here any minute and we'll start rehearsal.
-Director? What director? -Charlie Brown.
-Oh, no, we're doomed. -This will be the worst Christmas play ever.
Here he comes. Attention, everyone, here's our director.
[APPLAUDING]
Booooooo.
Man's best friend.
Well, it's real good seeing y'all here.
As you know, we are going to put on the Christmas play.
Due to the shortage of time, we'll get right down to work.
One of the first things to insure a good performance...
...is strict attention to the director.
I'll keep my directions simple.
If I point to the right, it means focus attention stage right.
If I make a slashing motion across my throat...
...it means cut the scene short.
If I make a revolving motion with my hand, it means pick up the tempo.
If I spread my hands apart, it means slow down.
It's the spirit of the actors that counts, the interest that they show in their director.
Am I right? I said, am I right?
[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI'S "LINUS & LUCY"]
Stop the music! All right, now.
We're going to do this play and we're going to do it right.
Lucy, get those costumes and scripts and pass them out.
Now, the script girl will be handing out your parts.
You're the innkeeper's wife.
Do innkeepers' wives have naturally curly hair?
Pigpen, you're the innkeeper.
In spite of my outward appearance, I shall try to run a neat inn.
Shermy, you're a shepherd.
Every Christmas it's the same. I always end up playing a shepherd.
Snoopy, you'll have to be all the animals in our play.
-Can you be a sheep? -Baa.
-How about a cow? -Moo.
How about a penguin?
-Yes, he's even a good penguin. -Ooow!
No, no, no.
Listen, all of you. You've got to take direction.
[LUCY SPEAKING AND SNOOPY MOUTHING] You've got to have discipline.
You've gotta have respect for your director.
I ought to slug you.
Ugh. I've been kissed by a dog. I have dog germs.
Get hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine.
-Waaah. -Ah.
All right, all right, script girl, continue with the scripts.
Linus, you've got to get rid of that stupid blanket.
And here, memorize these lines.
I can't memorize these lines. This is ridiculous.
Memorize it and be ready to recite when your cue comes.
I can't memorize something like this so quickly.
Why should I be put through such agony?
Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.
I'll give you five good reasons: One, two, three, four, five.
Those are good reasons.
Christmas is not only getting too commercial...
...it's getting too dangerous.
And get rid of that stupid blanket.
What's a Christmas shepherd gonna look like...
...holding a stupid blanket like that?
Well, this is one Christmas shepherd...
...who's going to keep his trusty blanket with him.
See? You wouldn't hit an innocent shepherd, would you?
Okay, Mr. Director, the cast is set. Take over.
All right, let's have it quiet. Places, everybody.
Schroeder, set the mood for first scene.
[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI’S "LINUS & LUCY"]
Cut, cut. No, no, no.
Look, let's rehearse the scene at the inn.
-Frieda, this is-- -We can't go on. There's too much dust.
It's taking the curl out of my naturally curly hair.
Don't think of it as dust.
Think of it as maybe the soil of some great past civilization.
Maybe the soil of ancient Babylon. It staggers the imagination.
He may be carrying soil that was trod upon by Solomon.
Or even Nebuchadnezzar.
It sort of makes you wanna treat me with more respect, doesn't it?
You're an absolute mess. Just look at yourself.
On the contrary, I didn't think I'd look that good.
Sally, come here.
-What do you want her for? -She's gonna be your wife.
Good grief.
Isn't he the cutest thing?
He has the nicest sense of humor.
-Lunch break, lunch break. -Lunch break?
All right, now, there's no time for foolishness.
We've got to get on with our play.
That's right. What about my part?
What about the Christmas queen, hmm?
Are you going to let all this beauty go to waste?
You do think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown?
You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you?
If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would've spoken right up.
I know when I've been insulted. I know when I've been insulted.
Good grief.
All right, let's take it from the top again.
Places. Action.
[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI’S "LINUS & LUCY"]
Charlie Brown, isn't it a great play?
That does it.
Now, look, if we're ever to get this play off the ground...
...we've gotta have some cooperation.
What's the matter, Charlie Brown? Don't you think it's great?
-It's all wrong. -Look, Charlie, let's face it.
We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket.
It's run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know.
Well, this is one play that's not gonna be commercial.
-Look, Charlie Brown, what do you want? -The proper mood.
-We need a Christmas tree. -Hey, perhaps a tree.
A great big, shiny, aluminum Christmas tree.
That's it, Charlie Brown. You get the tree. I'll handle this crowd.
Okay. I'll take Linus with me. The rest of you practice your lines.
Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.
Yeah, do something right for a change, Charlie Brown.
I don't know, Linus. I just don't know.
Well, I guess we'd better concentrate on finding a nice Christmas tree.
I suggest we try those searchlights, Charlie Brown.
[HOLLOW METAL ECHOING]
This really brings Christmas close to a person.
Fantastic.
LINUS: Gee, do they still make wooden Christmas trees?
CHARLIE: This little green one here seems to need a home.
I don't know, Charlie Brown.
Remember what Lucy said? This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit.
I don't care.
We'll decorate it, and it'll be just right for our play.
Besides, I think it needs me.
This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.
What kind of Christmas music is that?
Beethoven Christmas music.
What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas?
Everyone talks about how great Beethoven was.
Beethoven wasn't so great.
What do you mean, Beethoven wasn't so great?
He never got his picture on bubble-gum cards, did he?
Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble-gum card?
-Hmm? -How can you say someone is great...
...who's never had his picture on bubble-gum cards?
Good grief.
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells"?
[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS"]
No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells."
You know, deck them halls and all that stuff.
[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS" ON ELECTRIC ORGAN]
No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells."
You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho.
And mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.
[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS" OFF KEY]
That's it!
We're back.
Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.
-What kind of a tree is that? -You were supposed to get a good tree.
Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?
I told you he'd goof it up.
He's not the kind you can depend on to do anything right.
-You're hopeless, Charlie Brown. -Completely hopeless.
Rats.
You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time you really did it.
What a tree.
[ALL LAUGHING]
I guess you were right, Linus. I shouldn't have picked this little tree.
Everything I do turns into a disaster.
I guess I really don't know what Christmas is all about.
Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?
Sure, Charlie Brown. I can tell you what Christmas is all about.
Lights, please.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field...
...keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them...
...and the glory of the Lord shone round about them...
...and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them:
"Fear not, for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy...
...which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a savior...
...which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you.
Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."
And suddenly, there was with the angel...
...a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:
"Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth, peace, goodwill toward men."
That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
LINUS [VOICE-OVER]: For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy...
...which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day...
...in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you.
Linus is right.
I won't let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas.
I'll take this little tree home and decorate it...
...and I'll show them it really will work in our play.
First prize?
Oh, well.
This commercial dog is not going to ruin my Christmas.
I've killed it. Oh....
Everything I touch gets ruined.
I never thought it was such a bad little tree.
It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.
Charlie Brown is a blockhead, but he did get a nice tree.
[HUMMING "HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING"]
What's going on here?
ALL: Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.
[ALL SINGING "HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING"]
Now what?
Kind of a steep hill, isn't it?
Don't worry about it. Just lean forward and jiggle your feet.
I think I've changed my mind.
[SCREAMS]
If I had of known you were only going that far, I would have stayed in.
Here we go. We put it in fast forward, and here we go.
[THUD]
LINUS: Fast reverse.
[SCREAMING]
I think they look better when they have a little star or an angel on top.
Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?
It's not even Thanksgiving yet.
By the time Christmas comes, all the needles will be falling off.
Don't hang it near the turkey.
Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?
It isn't even Thanksgiving yet.
Would you like to buy a Thanksgiving wreath?
Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?
Do you know what you are doing?
Don't you realize you're adding to the over-commercializing of Christmas?
Not till I sell one.
Good morning. This is a Christmas wreath--
Thank you. I love samples.
I give up. I can't imagine anyone else having as much trouble as I do...
...selling Christmas wreaths.
Good morning, sir. Would you like to buy a nice Christmas wreath?
[DOOR SLAMS]
Merry Christmas anyway, sir.
"God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all.
And joy to the world.
Rats.
What are you up to, big brother?
I'm trying to sell Christmas wreaths from door to door.
Getting on the old commercial bandwagon, eh?
Going after those big holiday bucks, huh?
[DOOR OPENS]
Need any help?
Good morning. Ask your mom if she would like to buy a Christmas wreath.
Tell her they were made from the famous forests of Lebanon.
You can read about them in the second chapter of the second book of Chronicles.
If you buy two, we'll throw in an autographed photo of King Solomon.
You can't tell people these wreaths were made from the forests of Lebanon.
That's lying.
Good morning, would you like to buy a Christmas wreath...
...made from some junky old branches my brother found in a Christmas tree lot?
You wouldn't, would you? And I can't say I blame you.
[DOOR SLAMS]
See? Your way doesn't work, either.
I think we need better packaging.
We need a better way to show off our product.
Good morning. Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?
Guess what, Chuck. Disaster time.
Our teacher wants us to read a book during Christmas vacation.
Got any suggestions?
On what book to read?
No. On how to get out of it.
I'm not going to have to read a book, Marcie.
See, A Tale of Two Cities was just on TV.
I watched the movie, so now I won't have to read the book.
The only thing I didn't understand...
...were the parts about the shampoo, the soap and the coffee.
Those were the commercials, sir.
I'd like to read this book, Marcie, but I'm kind of afraid.
I had a grandfather who didn't think much of reading.
He always said if you read too many books, your head would fall off.
You start the first chapter, sir, and I'll hold on to your head.
Why aren't you reading your book, sir?
It's too nice a day to stay inside and read, Marcie.
Besides, I have to build this snowman.
If I don't do it, no one else will, and he'll never exist.
I'm his creator. It's my duty to give him life.
This snowman has a right to live, Marcie.
You're weird, sir.
Marcie, what book were we supposed to read during Thanksgiving vacation?
This is Christmas vacation, sir.
Christmas vacation?
How can I read something during Christmas vacation...
...when I didn't read what I was supposed to read during Thanksgiving vacation?
Duck, sir. Easter is coming.
[ORCHESTRA TUNING]
-What are we going to hear today, Marcie? -Handel's "Messiah."
The most exciting part is when they get to the "Hallelujah" chorus...
...and everyone stands.
Standing is exciting?
[ORCHESTRA PLAYS HANDEL'S "HALLELUJAH"]
[CHOIR SINGS HANDEL'S "HALLELUJAH" CHORUS]
It's the "Hallelujah" chorus, sir. Everyone is standing up.
-They're what? -Standing up.
MARCIE: Yipe!
[THUD]
Everywhere we go, Marcie, you embarrass me.
What was Handel's first name, Marcie?
I'm ashamed to admit, I don't know.
I'll just have to guess.
I suppose we're going to have to listen to that bell ringing...
...every time we walk by here now.
Wouldn't you think he could do something besides ring a bell?
Just ignore that Santa Claus, Linus. There's nothing he can do to you.
I don't think you're a real Santa Claus.
What do you have to say about that?
I don't think you're the real Santa Claus.
If you're the real Santa, where are your helpers?
[CHIRPING]
That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
You mean "giving." Christmas is the joy of giving.
I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.
Giving. The only real joy is giving.
Like, wow.
I'm making out my Christmas list.
Now, how do you spell your name?
I'm your brother and you don't even know how to spell my name?
I'll put down "Sam." I know how to spell that.
-What was his name again? -Santa Claus.
-Any middle initial? -No, I don't think so.
At least I've never heard of one.
How about his wife? Do you know her name?
Well, sometimes you hear people say her name is Mary Christmas.
Really? That's very interesting.
Maybe I'll write to her instead.
[MOANS]
[HUMS]
Whoo-whoo! Hee-hee-hee.
-Where are all the candy canes? -The what?
The candy canes that were on the tree.
They're all gone.
-Have you looked outside? -Outside?
Tell me about Christmas, Linus.
How did all these Christmas stuff start anyway?
Except for the part of getting lots of presents...
...I don't see what all the fuss is about.
Well, this is from the second chapter of Luke.
You know what I hate? I hate shopping.
"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field--"
I haven't got anything for my brother for Christmas yet.
-"And, lo, the angel of the Lord came--" -Everything costs so much.
-"And the glory of the Lord shone round--" -I don't want to spend a lot.
"And they were sore afraid."
Actually, I don't really wanna spend any money at all.
-"And the angel said unto--" -I wonder if I can get him...
...something for free?
Is that it? I always thought the Christmas story was longer than that.
["THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" PLAYS OVER RADIO]
That song drives me crazy.
What in the world is a calling bird?
A calling bird is a kind of partridge.
In 1 Samuel 26:20, it says:
"For the king of Israel has come out to seek my life...
...just as though he were hunting the calling bird."
There's a play on words here, you see?
David was standing on a mountain, calling.
And he compared himself to a partridge being hunted.
Isn’t that fascinating?
If I get socks again for Christmas this year,
I'll go even more crazy.
I remember reading that Albert Schweitzer...
...dreaded the thought of receiving Christmas gifts.
And do you know why that was?
It was because he hated having to write thank you notes.
What do you think about that?
Who's Albert Schweitzer?
Yes, ma'am. I would like to buy a Christmas present for a girl I know.
I was thinking maybe a pair of gloves.
[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Would it help if I described her?
[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Well, she has 10 fingers....
[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Twenty-five dollars for a pair of gloves?
I'm sorry, ma'am, that's more than I can afford.
Could I maybe buy just a thumb?
I wanted to buy Peggy Jean some gloves for Christmas...
...but they cost $25.
She's going to be disappointed when she finds out her boyfriend is a cheapskate.
I'm not a cheapskate. I just don't have $25.
-Put it on your credit card. -I don't have a credit card.
So long, Peggy Jean.
I'd like to give Peggy Jean a nice pair of gloves for Christmas...
...but I can't afford it.
If she really likes you, Charlie Brown...
...she'll appreciate anything you give her.
If you don't give her exactly what she's expecting...
...she'll hate you for the rest of your life.
You know why I wanna buy Peggy Jean those gloves for Christmas?
When I first met her this summer at camp, I noticed what pretty hands she had.
I want those pretty hands to be warm.
But I don't have $25 to buy the gloves.
Send her a nice card and tell her to keep her hands in her pockets.
See? There they are.
Those are the gloves I'd like to buy Peggy Jean for Christmas.
Where are you going to get $25?
That's the problem.
Maybe you can sell your dog.
Phbbtt!
I take it back. He's probably only worth 50 cents.
[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Yes, ma'am, I'm looking at those gloves again.
I wish I could get them for this girl I know but I can't afford them.
I just like to stand here and pretend I'm buying them for her.
[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Sorry, ma'am, I didn't realize I was fogging up the glass.
Go ahead. Ask him.
Is this the bus stop?
All I have is a dime. Will I get change?
Do you have a Billie Jean King?
Are these all you have?
Yes, ma'am, I sold my whole collection of comic books.
See? Here's the money.
Now I can buy those gloves for that girl I like.
GIRL: Brownie Charles.
Peggy Jean. What are you doing here?
I've been shopping with my mother.
Look. I just bought this new pair of gloves.
And did you buy her the gloves?
Sure. I sold my whole comic book collection to get the money.
Then, I met her in the store and she showed me the new pair of gloves she just bought.
So you're not going to give her the pair you bought?
Why give her something she already has?
Well, at least they didn't go to waste.
I'm going to ask the teacher if I can be Mary in the Christmas play this year.
She's already asked me, sir.
I think I'll be great in the part.
She asked me yesterday.
I like the part where the angel Gabriel talks to her.
Why would Gabriel talk to you? You never listen.
I can probably wear these same sandals.
[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Yes, ma'am. I'd like to volunteer to play the part of Mary in our Christmas play.
[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
You what?
[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
That's right, sir. She asked me yesterday.
Mary never wore glasses.
Hey, Chuck, did Mary ever wear glasses?
What do you mean, "Mary who?"
In the Bible. Does it say anything about Mary wearing glasses?
Then how can Marcie play Mary instead of me?
And the teacher says I'm going to be playing a sheep.
Why can't I ever be a wrong number?
Guess what? I've been asked to be in the Christmas play.
I'm going to be an angel.
All I have to do is say, "Hark."
This is what I have to do in the Christmas play.
When the sheep are through dancing, I come out and say, "Hark."
Then Harold Angel starts to sing.
Harold Angel?
It's right here in the script.
Hark! How did that sound?
I'm practicing my line for the Christmas play.
I live in mortal dread of getting out on the stage...
...and forgetting what I am to say.
Well, if you did, you could always make up something.
That's true. How about, "Hey"?
Not very biblical.
Here's the line I have to say in the Christmas play.
See if I get it right.
Hark.
You got it.
I have always wondered how actors remember all those lines.
I'm all set for the Christmas play. Do I look like an angel?
You look fine.
Good luck. Break a leg.
Linus and I will be in the audience.
PEPPERMINT PATTY: Another Christmas play...
...and I have to be a sheep.
I hate being a sheep.
No part in a play is small, sir, if it brings joy to the audience.
Baa!
You do that so well, sir.
PEPPERMINT PATTY: Every time there's a Christmas play...
...I end up being a sheep.
-Watch out for the curb here, sir. -What?
Slouching toward Bethlehem, huh, sir?
I can't stand it.
You look cute in your sheep costume, sir.
PEPPERMINT PATTY: Sure, Marcie, sure.
I was up late last night memorizing all my lines.
All your lines.
I can't remember my lines, Marcie.
You're a sheep, sir. All you have to say is, "Baa."
My mind has gone blank. I'm doomed.
I wonder if this happened to Laurence Olivier?
Hark.
Looks like the play will start soon.
Well, you'll have to excuse me, sir. My first scene.
Baa!
Who wants to be in a Christmas play if they make you be a sheep?
A sheep doesn't get to do anything.
Hark.
[CHATTERING]
[AUDIENCE WHISTLES AND APPLAUDS]
I am Gabriel. Do not be afraid, Mary.
-Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord. PEPPERMINT PATTY: Baa! Baa!
Baa! Baa!
I am Gabriel, Mary...
...and I couldn't hear you because of the sheep.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
Hark.
PEPPERMINT PATTY: I can't remember my lines, Marcie.
All you have to say is, "Baa."
My mind has gone blank.
I'll never remember it.
Why do they have to spoil Christmas by making us be in plays?
We're on, sir. Let's show them how.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
And there were shepherds in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night.
PEPPERMINT PATTY: Woof! Meow! Moo!
Whatever.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
[SINGING] And a partridge in a pear tree
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
So far, this has been a good Christmas play, Charlie Brown.
When does your sister come on?
Right after the dancing sheep.
She steps out and says, "Hark."
And then Harold Angel sings.
Harold Angel?
All I know is what she told me.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
The sheep are through dancing, Charlie Brown. Here comes your sister.
Hockey stick.
[AUDIENCE GIGGLES]
-Hockey stick? -Hockey stick?
I said hockey stick.
Why did I say hockey stick?
All I had to say was, "Hark," and I said hockey stick.
I ruined the whole Christmas play. Everybody hates me.
Moses hates me, Luke hates me...
...the apostles hate me.
All 50 of them.
I don't know. I didn't see the rest of the play.
As soon as Sally said, "hockey stick" and everyone laughed, I left.
She gets everything mixed up.
She even thought someone named Harold Angel was going to sing.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Excuse me. Somebody's at the door.
Hi, is Sally home? My name is Harold Angel.
Okay, get up. I wanna lie in that beanbag.
Remember when we were all sitting around the Christmas tree, opening our presents?
-That's when you said it. -That's when I said what?
It was beautiful. You said:
"Why do we have to be nice to each other only on Christmas?
Why can't we be nice to each other every day?"
You drive me crazy.
Joy to the world.
[ENGLISH SDH] by ilyas_su
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Go back! Stay, stay!
Don't follow me to school. Stay! Stay!
Some kids have dogs that follow them to school.
(YAWN S)
(SNORING)
(FEMALE TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I think it's a head, ma'am.
Shall I throw it in the wastebasket?
Maybe you'd like to see it up close.
I can take it up to your desk, ma'am.
It's pretty heavy. It feels like it's full of lead.
There you are, ma'am. Now you can get a close look at it.
(FEMALE TEACHER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
You missed it, sir.
We've been studying the human head.
Somehow, I feel I should get you for something, Marcie.
But I don't know what.
Put away that history book, Marcie. Art is next.
I love art class.
How's this, ma'am?
24 cows standing in a pasture.
Each one rendered in exquisite detail.
Maybe I'll add some sheep and rabbits and squirrels.
Ah. A gorgeous pastoral setting.
Now I'll color the sky blue and the grass green
and I'll put in some yellow flowers.
Wow. What a picture. What an artistic triumph.
Marcie, you haven't drawn a thing.
Some of us are just patrons of the arts, sir.
What did you put down for the fourth question?
Six times 12 is 72.
72? I put down "green."
"Green"? Why did you put down "green"?
I thought it was a trick question.
Marcie, this is hard work.
Boy, I sure could use a (YAWNS) little break right now.
(SNORING)
(SCREAMS)
(FEMALE TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
PATTY: Sorry, ma'am. My nose is caught in my binder.
I'm trying not to scream. It's very painful.
May I have permission to see the school nurse?
Or maybe the custodian? We may need a pair of pliers.
Sorry, ma'am. I'm having trouble seeing where I'm going.
(YELLS)
Ouch.
(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
My report?
I'm sorry, ma'am. It's in my binder, and my binder is caught in my hair.
I've tried whipping it backward and forward...
(BOTH YELL)
But nothing seems to help.
Anyway, my report was called, "Does Education Have to Be Painful?"
I think maybe it does.
(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
No, ma'am, I really can't take it off because-- Yipe!
Because my hair is still caught in the binder. Yipe!
She got it off. Marcie got it off.
Phew. What a relief.
(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
My report? It's right here in my binder.
Don't sigh like that, ma'am. It breaks my heart.
Gym is my favorite class.
I'm so dumb, I wish all classes were gym.
I sure look forward to gym.
You know, Chuck, I may not be as cute as that little red-haired girl,
and I may not have naturally curly hair like Frieda
and I may not be as smart as Lucy,
but I've got one thing none of them has,
I'm in shape.
PATTY (SINGING): I run five miles every morning
I do 100 pushups every day
I pedal every night Take a swim, take a hike
I'm in shape, I'm in shape, I'm in shape
CHORUS (SINGING): She's practicing Peppermint Patty's P. E. Program
She's in shape, she's in shape She's in shape
When other kids are fading At the finish
When all the others fail To break the tape
I saunter round the track And wave to Daddy
I'm in shape, I'm in shape I'm in shape
CHORUS: She's practicing Peppermint Patty's P.E. Program
She's in shape, she's in shape She's in shape
Hey, Linus, get in shape Pretty soon it'll be too late
Hey, Linus Hey, Linus
Hey, Chuck, you know how Get in shape and do it now
- Hey, Chuck - Hey, Chuck
Everybody get fit Stop thinking about it, this is it
Lucy, Linus, Schroeder, Sally Everybody work
(ALL GROAN)
So if you wanna follow my example
You're gonna have to work There's no escape
You gotta get with Peppermint Patty's P.E. Program
Get in shape, get in shape Get in shape
CHORUS: She's practicing Peppermint Patty's P.E. Program
- She's in shape - I'm in shape
- She's in shape
- I'm in shape - In shape, in shape
(PANTING)
Okay, Chuck, lift those legs. Lift them higher.
Oh, good grief.
Are you ready for the party tonight, Sally?
I remember the last time we went to a party.
Linus called up and asked me if I would like to go to a party.
And I said, yes.
And then, when we got there
Linus asked me if I would like to dance.
And I said, yes.
Then after we danced, Linus said,
"Would you like a glass of punch?"
And I said, "Yes, that would be very nice.
"I would like to have a glass of punch."
I don't believe that ever happened.
Well, it should have!
Okay, gang, we're gonna play Simon Says.
I'll start it. Simon says, "Raise your arms."
Simon says, "Turn around."
Simon says, "Clap your hands."
- Simon says-- - Okay, it's my turn now.
CHORUS (SINGING): Lucy's the boss Lucy's the boss
So you got to listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Lucy's the boss Lucy's the boss
So you got to listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
And here's what Lucy says
(SINGING) Lucy says, "Put your hands on your head"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Lucy says, "Now, turn around"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Put your hands by your side
I didn't say, "Lucy says"
Lucy's the boss So listen to Lucy
And here's what Lucy says
Lucy says, "Take your hands off your head"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Lucy says, "Put them on your hips now"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Now jump up and down
I didn't say, "Lucy says"
Lucy's the boss So listen to Lucy
And here's what Lucy says
Lucy says, "I wanna be the queen of the world"
Yes, I do
Lucy says, "I want everything my way"
Hey, hey, hey
Lucy says, "I'm gonna be a beautiful girl"
Yes, I am
Lucy says, "I'm gonna marry Schroeder someday"
Oh, good grief.
Lucy says, "Pick up your right foot"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Lucy says, "Now, hop on your left foot"
Listen to Lucy Listen to Lucy
Now start running in place
I didn't say, "Lucy says"
Lucy's the boss So listen to Lucy
And that's what Lucy says
What are you doing, Sally?
I'm waiting for my sweet baboo.
I am not your sweet baboo!
I'm waiting here because my sweet baboo
asked me to have the next dance with him.
I did not!
Well, you should have!
Oh, brother.
I'll have a cup, please.
I'm glad to see you're not only having a good time
but you're also helping out with the party.
Ah!
I'll have a cup of punch, please.
You know, Charlie Brown,
you have to do something about your face.
It's impossible to talk to someone when they're making such sour faces.
(SINGING) Okay, everybody gather round It's time for the Pigpen hoedown
Kick up your heels, jump up and down Shut your eyes and whirl around
Reach out your hand And if no one's there
Grab your own hand Dance round in a square
CHORUS: When you're doing The Pigpen hoedown
Gotta have a caller you can trust
'Cause when Pigpen Does the hoedown
He really kicks up some dust
Hey, Chuck, we're all bumping into each other.
Let me give it a try.
(SINGING) Bow to your left, Bow to your right
And if you find no one in sight
Just bow to your toes And bow to your knees
And dance around Just as you please
CHORUS: When you're doing The Pigpen hoedown
Gotta have a caller you can trust
'Cause when Pigpen Does the hoedown
He really kicks up some dust
(COUGHING)
BOY 1: I can hardly see. BOY 2: It's getting worse.
Hey, Patty, we're still bumping into each other.
Let me be the caller.
We don't need a caller, Lucy. We need a vacuum cleaner.
(SINGING) If we really wanna dance And we stay here, we got no chance
So nod to the ceiling Bow to the floor
Leave Pigpen here And head for the door
CHORUS: When you're doing The Pigpen hoedown
Gotta have a caller you can trust
'Cause when Pigpen Does the hoedown
He really kicks up some dust
(CHILDREN COUGHING)
Do you realize what you're becoming?
I don't know what you're becoming but I do know what you're not becoming.
You don't do any of the things that a dog is supposed to do.
You don't bark at strangers. You don't bring in the morning paper.
You don't even bring me my slippers at night.
In the old days, dogs used to round up sheep
and guard them in case wolves attacked.
I never see you rounding up sheep.
I'll bet you don't even know what one looks like.
You don't try to follow me to school and you don't meet me when I come home.
There's nothing worse than owning a dog who isn't a dog.
(LAUGHS)
Who's in the bathroom? Open up.
(YELLS)
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)
Flashbeagle? I can't stand it.
I need something for show-and-tell.
I picked you because you're a first-round draft pick.
(YELPS)
Yes, sir, you're going to get me an A for show-and-tell.
A real live dog.
(WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
For show-and-tell, I brought my pet chameleon.
His name is George.
And George changes colors with every shirt I wear.
George eats flies and bugs. Thank you.
(FEMALE TEACHER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Yes, ma'am.
Heel, Snoopy.
For show-and-tell today, I have brought a dog.
BOY: What's so great about that? He doesn't do anything.
He just stands there. He looks like he's asleep.
SALLY: A dog is not only man's best friend,
but he's also a protector, a defender,
a ferocious friend in need. Indeed.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO)
I don't know what to do about Snoopy.
I should give him a good lecture, the way he carries on.
You just leave him alone.
That's the first time I ever got an A in show-and-tell.
English SDH by ilyas_su