1 00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:15,764 (Whistle blows) 2 00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:01,156 (Brakes screech) 3 00:01:45,927 --> 00:01:47,406 Congratulations, Superintendent. 4 00:01:47,527 --> 00:01:50,724 I take it was your idea to switch the registered mail to the other end? 5 00:01:50,847 --> 00:01:53,077 - Take what you like, but don't print it. - Of course not. 6 00:01:53,207 --> 00:01:55,323 Super, you've done a lot of cleaning up lately. 7 00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:57,916 Who's left that's big enough to pull off a deal like this? 8 00:01:58,047 --> 00:02:02,120 - Well, who do you think? - Little Walter and his crew? 9 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,478 Carry on guessing like that and you'll wind up editor. 10 00:02:05,607 --> 00:02:10,158 - Looks as though you were right, sir. - 1 am. A jeweller, a Post Office, this. 11 00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:15,282 If that mob think they can carry on where the others left off, it's a big mistake. 12 00:02:20,927 --> 00:02:26,320 "Come live with me and be my love and we will all the pleasures prove 13 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:32,363 "that hills and valleys, dale and field and all the craggy mountains yield." 14 00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:33,807 (Sighs) 15 00:02:33,927 --> 00:02:36,646 That was smashing, Willy. Smashing. 16 00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:39,759 - "And if these pleasures..." - Oi, Bikini! 17 00:02:39,887 --> 00:02:42,447 - What? - Darts! 18 00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:44,399 I ain't got no darts! 19 00:02:47,127 --> 00:02:50,916 Pity you don't get yourself educated like Willy the Poet. 20 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,243 Come on, cut the cackle. 21 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:56,837 That's the trouble with you, Walt. You ain't educated. 22 00:02:56,967 --> 00:03:02,201 You and Willy get yourselves educated. Leave it for Little Walt to pay for it. 23 00:03:02,327 --> 00:03:04,000 Go on, Willy. 24 00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:09,998 "And if these pleasures may thee move come live with me and be my love." 25 00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:12,641 - (Bell rings) - Come on! 26 00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:15,759 Come on! Get home! Come on, faster! 27 00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:19,198 Mind the suit, dear! Faster! 28 00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:21,477 Go on! Yeah! 29 00:03:21,607 --> 00:03:23,996 Let's go and cop. 30 00:03:24,127 --> 00:03:25,925 (Cackles) 31 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,606 One and half down to Squirts. 32 00:03:29,727 --> 00:03:32,003 - There's a message for you, Squirts. - Yeah? Go on. 33 00:03:32,127 --> 00:03:34,721 The top jolly said you're to go to the warehouse. Urgent. 34 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:38,681 And he said something about don't forget to take the plates. 35 00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:40,525 Here you are, Squirts. One and a half. 36 00:03:40,647 --> 00:03:42,877 I feel really lucky tonight. I could really knock ‘em bandy tonight. 37 00:03:43,007 --> 00:03:45,237 Never mind, get your finger out. Let's have it away. 38 00:03:45,887 --> 00:03:51,121 Magnificent. Now we will wine and dine and I shall be the envy of all. 39 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,638 {Knock at door) 40 00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:59,080 - Come in. - Excuse me, m'lady. 41 00:03:59,207 --> 00:04:01,437 A message for Sefior Lorenzo. 42 00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:06,767 It appears he's wanted immediately at the...gaff, I think the gentleman said. 43 00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:09,800 - Thank you, Pemberton. - M'lady. 44 00:04:09,927 --> 00:04:13,966 - I'm so sorry. -Soam I. 45 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,442 But as they say in my country... 46 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,117 ...there is always mariana. 47 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:25,164 (J Latin music) 48 00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:29,679 Oh, she looks smashing. I like the way she does that. 49 00:04:34,047 --> 00:04:36,436 She's dead hot. I like the way she moves. 50 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,966 {Phone rings) 51 00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:39,236 Clancy's Bar. 52 00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:42,359 -'ls Specs in the club? - Specs? 53 00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:46,401 - What's up now? - Sounds like the boss. 54 00:04:46,527 --> 00:04:47,597 Hello. 55 00:05:07,927 --> 00:05:09,406 No, sir. 56 00:05:14,207 --> 00:05:16,198 Superintendent... 57 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:22,317 "No milk until further notice." 58 00:05:26,247 --> 00:05:27,646 The weasels! 59 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,326 - Have more of this. - Cheers. 60 00:05:36,447 --> 00:05:38,438 - We're all out of... - Hey, Squirts! 61 00:05:41,087 --> 00:05:44,398 This place is harder to get into than that Post Office was last week. 62 00:05:44,527 --> 00:05:47,838 What is this? A case joint? Get these scrubbers out of here. 63 00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:51,437 - What about her, then? - Out! 64 00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,558 Come on, come on. 65 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,883 (Girls grumble) 66 00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:01,878 Trust him to spoil the evening. 67 00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,157 That Mungo should hang from the thumbs. 68 00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:07,837 Never you mind, Specs. Leave it to me. 69 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,720 I've got a big programme laid out for you lot. 70 00:06:10,847 --> 00:06:12,565 Mungo ain't gonna make it easy, 71 00:06:12,687 --> 00:06:16,078 but I think if we play our cards right we can continue in business. 72 00:06:16,207 --> 00:06:18,244 Right now, we've got to get out of town. 73 00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:22,486 If we could get to Malaga, I have an old aunt there, she could hide us. 74 00:06:22,607 --> 00:06:26,396 - Unless you've got a place laid on. - Walter told you not to worry, didn't he? 75 00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:31,158 ‘Course Wall's got a place. What place have you got, Walt? 76 00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:32,925 The right kind of place, Bikini. 77 00:06:33,047 --> 00:06:36,642 So the net closes, the fish struggle. But the ocean is deep. 78 00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:37,996 Oh, it's off again(!) 79 00:06:38,127 --> 00:06:41,279 Somewhere there's a place where six little fishes might disappear... 80 00:06:41,407 --> 00:06:42,806 Do us a favour, Willy, will you? 81 00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:45,806 - Little Walter's found it for her. - Where is it, Walter? 82 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,645 An island down in Cornwall. 83 00:06:47,767 --> 00:06:50,680 An island?! Are we gonna live on an island?! 84 00:06:50,807 --> 00:06:52,206 - I'm not. - Yeah, yeah... 85 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:56,560 - Squirts, did you bring the plates? - Here. What's all this about an island? 86 00:06:56,687 --> 00:06:59,486 - What's this, your cosh? - That's me supper! 87 00:06:59,607 --> 00:07:04,602 - You won't get me on an island. - Not me neither, that I... Cor! 88 00:07:04,727 --> 00:07:08,800 - Gee, beautiful. - This is perfection. 89 00:07:10,207 --> 00:07:12,005 We'll get a stack of mazuma out of these. 90 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:15,518 Jack the Baker made a stack, but wasn't around long enough to spend it. 91 00:07:15,647 --> 00:07:20,198 - Mungo moved in too fast. - The snide rhino went under the match. 92 00:07:20,327 --> 00:07:24,446 Never mind the snide rhino. What about this snide island? 93 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:28,526 - (All) Yeah. - Yeah, well, I'll tell you about that. 94 00:07:28,647 --> 00:07:33,084 I've invested some of you boys' money in a nice place with full mod cons. 95 00:07:33,207 --> 00:07:37,121 Somewhere off the coast of Cornwall. Here we are. 96 00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:42,162 "On the sleepy island of St Pancras, bathed in summer sunshine 97 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:46,042 - "and only one hour from Land's End." - That sounds all right. 98 00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:48,761 Perhaps I can get in a bit of fishing. 99 00:07:48,887 --> 00:07:54,007 I could bring the golf sticks. There must be a golf course by the shore. Fabulous! 100 00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:58,837 I could do some of that old sunbathing, get stretched out on the golden sands, 101 00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:04,167 all covered in oil, soaking up that lovely sunshine, all glistening! Eh? 102 00:08:32,047 --> 00:08:33,526 (Bikini) Oil 103 00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:36,437 I wanna see you! 104 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:40,959 - 'Ere, what's she on about? - Never mind. Get the gear unpacked. 105 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:44,967 - Funny, though, innit? - Give us a hand with these bags. 106 00:08:45,087 --> 00:08:48,717 Who put all this on top of my gear? Get out of it! 107 00:08:48,847 --> 00:08:50,997 What sort of a gaff is this?! 108 00:08:51,127 --> 00:08:53,721 There ain't a bathroom! Not even a mirror! 109 00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:57,078 And the old whatshisname is on the edge of a cliff! 110 00:08:57,207 --> 00:09:02,600 Stop worrying. This is going to be a rough run. Rougher than you think. 111 00:09:02,727 --> 00:09:06,516 - We've got to live like the real monks. - Walt, you said you'd look after me. 112 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,126 I am, Brother Specs. 113 00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:11,046 Another thing, this Walt stuff needs knocked on the head. 114 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:14,285 - All you layabouts are brothers now. - Brothers(!) 115 00:09:14,407 --> 00:09:18,719 There's a bogey on the mainland with a nice, shiny whistle. 116 00:09:18,847 --> 00:09:20,963 He might be a bumpkin, but he's still a bogey. 117 00:09:21,087 --> 00:09:23,044 He has to think we're real monks, 118 00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:27,161 same as all the other schnorrers. So we've got to work like monks. 119 00:09:27,287 --> 00:09:33,363 Now, starting with you, Brother Bikini, you're fixing the eats. You're cookie. 120 00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:35,797 Cookie?! Me?! 121 00:09:35,927 --> 00:09:40,876 I can't make a pie with tailor-made pastry and tinned fruit! I ain't never cooked! 122 00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:44,762 Nor have I and you'll learn quicker. You're cookie. 123 00:09:44,887 --> 00:09:48,721 - And in your spare time you can sweep. - Sweep?! 124 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,999 - And a bit of scrubbing. - Fine thing, innit? 125 00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:54,960 I said you'd turn me into an old scrubber! 126 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,918 Poor old Bikini. You put the block on her! 127 00:09:59,047 --> 00:10:03,598 Yeah! And now I'm going to put the block on you. 128 00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:06,879 I've got a few little labours for you lot as well. 129 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,600 Aah! Ah! 130 00:10:08,727 --> 00:10:11,003 Oi! You 'orrible...! 131 00:10:12,207 --> 00:10:14,198 What are you doing down there, Willy? 132 00:10:14,327 --> 00:10:18,685 What am I doing this job for?! Great 'orrible, grunting grunters! 133 00:10:18,807 --> 00:10:22,004 Clear off! Get out of it! Get out of it! 134 00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:24,482 Read 'em a drop of the old Harry Longfellow. 135 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,917 That'll put the kibosh on ‘em. 136 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,607 Eew! You ought to do something about that. 137 00:10:29,727 --> 00:10:31,684 How you getting on with the chickens? 138 00:10:31,807 --> 00:10:34,879 - I haven't been to see them yet. - Well, don't upset them. 139 00:10:35,007 --> 00:10:36,998 We don't want you breaking any of their eggs. 140 00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:38,925 The way Bikini cooked them pilchards, 141 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,118 we need all the eggs we can lay our hands on. 142 00:10:41,247 --> 00:10:44,842 - Keep at it, son. - Thank you...for nothing! 143 00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:53,846 This is certainly not Spanish onion. 144 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:55,765 English(!) 145 00:10:55,887 --> 00:10:58,037 Perseverance, Brother. 146 00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,918 Oh, blimey. 147 00:11:06,047 --> 00:11:07,117 Ohh... 148 00:11:09,607 --> 00:11:11,405 - (Whistles) - What? 149 00:11:11,527 --> 00:11:14,121 Get on with the work! 150 00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:18,127 Come and do it yourself, then! I'm fed up with this lot. 151 00:11:18,247 --> 00:11:21,922 Just cos I'm wearing blinkers he thinks I'm a bleedin' horse! 152 00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:24,561 Every time I... Ow! 153 00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:41,361 Hello, Tosh. What are you doing here, eh? 154 00:11:41,487 --> 00:11:44,240 Oi! Are you hungry? 155 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:48,964 What's the idea of leaving you all tied up? Now you can nip away for a chat. 156 00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:54,116 Fancy leaving you here on your tod. A diabolical liberty. 157 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,399 - Oh, morning, squire. - Everything under control? 158 00:11:57,527 --> 00:12:00,041 I be a-seein' after your apples, sir. 159 00:12:00,167 --> 00:12:04,320 And I be a-thinkin' we'll be 'aving a nice apple pie for supper. 160 00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:09,317 And I be thinkin' we won't. That mangy antelope has beaten you to it. 161 00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:13,281 Oi! Tosh! Put 'em back, will you? Put 'em back! 162 00:12:13,407 --> 00:12:17,002 You skinny-gutted, hungry-looking mongrel! 163 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,606 Look at that! 164 00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,277 I think it's ready, Brother Specs. 165 00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:37,480 - You reckon it is? - We'll soon find out. Go ring the bell. 166 00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:48,198 Get moving! 167 00:12:52,927 --> 00:12:55,043 (Bell chimes) 168 00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:59,047 Hey! What's going on?! Put me down there! Help! 169 00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:01,556 - Walter! Walt! - Eh? 170 00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:04,679 Stop ringing them bells! Walter! 171 00:13:04,807 --> 00:13:07,606 HELP! 172 00:13:07,727 --> 00:13:10,845 (Crash) 173 00:13:14,247 --> 00:13:15,885 Boy, am I starving! 174 00:13:16,007 --> 00:13:19,125 The change of air makes the appetite big! 175 00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:22,205 I could eat a crocodile stuffed with camel! 176 00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:28,844 - And it looks as if we're going to. - Yeah, it is a bit grim. 177 00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,324 - How many, Brother Walt? - Eh? 178 00:13:41,447 --> 00:13:46,123 - I ain't doing the Indian rope trick. - No... Oh, yeah. 179 00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,045 I'll have a couple. 180 00:13:49,647 --> 00:13:53,436 - How many, Brother Squirts? - I'd go for zero, if I was you. 181 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,636 Well, I'll chance a couple as well. 182 00:13:58,447 --> 00:13:59,642 'Ere, what are they? 183 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,839 Sausages! What do you think they are? Deformed scallops?! 184 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,605 Did you torture them? 185 00:14:04,727 --> 00:14:08,038 Once I have a sister in a Madrid café who serve up a meal like this! 186 00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,158 - What happened? - She had to take to the hills! 187 00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:11,607 Did you 'ear that, did you? 188 00:14:13,847 --> 00:14:18,318 Well, I'm stating right here and now that this pot watching lark is a load of po! 189 00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:22,236 - Also the cookie's job is now vacant. - Turn it in... 190 00:14:22,367 --> 00:14:25,359 I don't want nobody upsetting Brother Bikini! 191 00:14:26,087 --> 00:14:28,966 If any of you wanted anyone to do some expert shoplifting, 192 00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:31,840 you'd be glad of her help, right? 193 00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:34,766 And now she's learning the cooking game. 194 00:14:34,887 --> 00:14:37,561 I reckon her sausage Bolognese is great. 195 00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:43,726 - Succulent. - You what? 196 00:14:43,847 --> 00:14:45,997 I find them succulent. 197 00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:53,446 No doubt, in time, the stomach will rehabilitate itself. 198 00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:58,164 In case you baboons think this ain't no treat, information in advance: 199 00:14:58,287 --> 00:15:01,962 you're getting cold pilchards for breakfast. 200 00:15:03,087 --> 00:15:04,566 {Door slams) 201 00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:17,639 That horrible Mungo, he's a creeping disease. 202 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:27,403 You're a lucky lot of chaps. Your Uncle Walt's done you proud on this caper. 203 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:31,646 One thing we have got here is plenty of accommodation. 204 00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:35,920 Now, come on. You each have a nice, comfortable flop all to yourselves. 205 00:15:36,047 --> 00:15:38,607 All private, like. There we are. 206 00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:49,122 Hey, Walt, this is just like the nick! 207 00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:53,798 - Yeah, sort of homely, like. - So real monks do bird all the time? 208 00:15:53,927 --> 00:15:58,876 The monks, Brother Specs, live a life of hardship and privation. 209 00:15:59,007 --> 00:16:00,805 What's that, then? 210 00:16:02,247 --> 00:16:05,126 Are my peepers getting worse or is that just a plank of wood? 211 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:09,525 - Your peepers are serving you very well. - We should give ourselves up to Mungo. 212 00:16:09,647 --> 00:16:12,036 Five, six, seven years we'd be free. Nice and easy. 213 00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:15,956 These apartments, Brother Walt, they're all the same? 214 00:16:16,087 --> 00:16:20,638 - Yeah. Don't fight. Take your pick. - Hey, have you picked yours? 215 00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:24,362 Well, Bikini's fixing up the head boy's office for us two. 216 00:16:24,487 --> 00:16:25,761 Charming. 217 00:16:25,887 --> 00:16:29,881 With me having to get up so early to milk them cows, 218 00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:32,044 I don't want to waken you good brothers. 219 00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:37,719 You're going to set yourself up all ritzy, while we serve time in the dungeons! 220 00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,884 No, it ain't like that, it's like I said. 221 00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:44,478 Of course it ain't(!) You'll have it all smooth, all posh, carpets on the floor. 222 00:16:44,607 --> 00:16:48,157 No, you know me. It's not me. It's Bikini. 223 00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,563 Of course, it ain't you(!) 224 00:16:50,687 --> 00:16:55,318 - You know what women are like. - We did, but we'll soon have to forget. 225 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:59,520 Now look, Bikini won't stand for that: me down here and her up there. 226 00:16:59,647 --> 00:17:02,878 If we're going to be celibate monks, so are you! 227 00:17:03,007 --> 00:17:05,396 Boys, no, come on! What's all this? 228 00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:10,044 "When the poor hath cried, Caesar hath wept." 229 00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:13,285 - Oh? Caesar wept, did he? - Yeah. 230 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:17,401 - Walt, if you think... - All right! I'll have it in the dungeon. 231 00:17:17,527 --> 00:17:19,598 Bikini gets the office. 232 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:23,159 Brother Walt, you've just become our Father Superior. 233 00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:26,040 I have? Father Superior? 234 00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,283 Ooh, yeah. That's nice. 235 00:17:28,887 --> 00:17:30,366 I like that. 236 00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:33,277 Father Superior, eh? 237 00:17:47,047 --> 00:17:49,357 {Cows moo) 238 00:17:49,487 --> 00:17:51,842 Good morning, ladies! How's tricks? 239 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,766 What do you know for a pound, then? 240 00:17:55,287 --> 00:17:58,917 Now, girls, I'm going to line you up straight. 241 00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:03,962 Right from the start I want you to know that I ain't too well up on this lark. 242 00:18:04,087 --> 00:18:08,399 So if you lot will be a bit co-operative and squirt it out nice and easy, 243 00:18:08,527 --> 00:18:12,646 I'll be most obliged to you, won't I? 'Ere we go. 244 00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:13,757 (Moos) 245 00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:17,005 That's right. Let's have a bit of music. 246 00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:20,518 Now then, let's have a nice drop of Gold Top. 247 00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,565 'Ere, what's up? 248 00:18:28,127 --> 00:18:31,404 What's the matter with you? Eh? 249 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,677 Yeah, you, rough chops. 250 00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:35,559 You naughty Buttercup. 251 00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:39,840 You'll get me in bad if you don't come up with some juice. 252 00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:44,757 I'll look a right Charlie if I go back and tell them I ain't pulled it off, won't 1? 253 00:18:45,647 --> 00:18:49,003 I've got to set an example. I'm the Father Superior. 254 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,563 So listen here. I'll tell you what. 255 00:18:52,687 --> 00:18:57,966 You just pretend that I'm your old mate, eh? Let's all be nice and friendly, eh? 256 00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:02,081 Shall we try it? Let's have another bash at it, then. 257 00:19:05,967 --> 00:19:07,446 Good girl. 258 00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:11,401 J To plough and sow and reap and mow 259 00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:14,599 J And be a farmer's boy 260 00:19:14,727 --> 00:19:17,196 J And be a farmer's boy J 261 00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:21,036 'Ere, Lorenzo, how long have we got to put up with this? 262 00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:22,999 - About a year, I should imagine. - What? 263 00:19:23,127 --> 00:19:26,916 Unless something nice happens, like Mungo dying all of a sudden. 264 00:19:27,047 --> 00:19:31,518 That Mungo... I hate him! I hate the sight of his face. 265 00:19:31,647 --> 00:19:34,799 If I never see him again, it'll be too soon. 266 00:19:34,927 --> 00:19:37,077 - Hey... - What's that, then? 267 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,958 Look, Brother Willy! Look what I got! 268 00:19:41,087 --> 00:19:44,796 - Oh, milk. - Yeah! I got it from the cows, I did! 269 00:19:44,927 --> 00:19:47,157 - What is it, Brother Walt? - Look, I got milk! 270 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:50,598 - So you have. That's nice. - What's all the shemozzle? 271 00:19:50,727 --> 00:19:54,357 - I was showing Brother Willy me milk! - That's a funny thing to be doing, ain't it? 272 00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:55,966 What's going on? What's the matter? 273 00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:57,566 - Look! - So what? It's only milk. 274 00:19:57,687 --> 00:20:01,476 - Of course it's only milk! - Did you open a few tins? 275 00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:07,640 This is genuine milk. Nothing crooked. I got this from two lady cows. 276 00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:13,319 It's usual to get milk from the cows. I have a cousin who does it all the time. 277 00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:17,486 Nothing to it, eh? Wait 'til you start grappling them onions, Brother Lorenzo. 278 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,360 Then you'll maybe think it IS a big deal. 279 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,763 Brothers, brothers! 280 00:20:22,887 --> 00:20:28,280 Anybody who can extract milk from a cow without taking a course of instruction 281 00:20:28,407 --> 00:20:30,398 is deserving of nothing less than praise. 282 00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:34,760 It looks to me like Father Superior's pulled it off again! 283 00:20:35,807 --> 00:20:39,766 I think I'll take it to show Bikini. She'll be proud of me. 284 00:20:39,887 --> 00:20:42,276 She'll be thrilled to bits(!) 285 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,126 Yeah, I reckon she will. 286 00:20:48,927 --> 00:20:51,999 ‘Ere, Bikini! Have a look at this. See what I've got. 287 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,765 - What? - You still in bed? 288 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,478 Is it late? 289 00:20:58,127 --> 00:20:59,606 What time is it? 290 00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:02,557 Eh? 291 00:21:02,687 --> 00:21:05,156 - I've got to get up. - No hurry... 292 00:21:06,167 --> 00:21:09,125 Oh! What's the matter with you? You was never like this before. 293 00:21:09,607 --> 00:21:11,996 This is gonna be a rough run, Brother Walt. 294 00:21:12,127 --> 00:21:14,198 Rougher than you thought. 295 00:21:27,607 --> 00:21:30,565 Oh, nice. Very nice. 296 00:21:30,687 --> 00:21:33,918 It's a lovely old crop today. 297 00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:35,958 Oh, gawd. Look at that. 298 00:21:36,087 --> 00:21:37,964 Ah, Brother Lorenzo! 299 00:21:38,087 --> 00:21:41,796 - No onions? - He did bring you an onion yesterday. 300 00:21:41,927 --> 00:21:44,362 Oh, so he did. Big deal(!) 301 00:21:44,487 --> 00:21:47,081 Please, don't speak to me of onions! All the time, onions! 302 00:21:47,207 --> 00:21:51,997 I smell onions, taste onions! In my sleep I see onions! I'm screwballs! 303 00:21:52,127 --> 00:21:55,597 Are these the fingers of an artist? THEY are like onions! 304 00:21:55,727 --> 00:22:00,278 They look all right to me. A bit knobbly, but a fair old set of forkers. 305 00:22:00,407 --> 00:22:03,399 No, it ain't good, Brother Walt! 306 00:22:03,527 --> 00:22:05,803 Whoa! Hold everything. 307 00:22:06,407 --> 00:22:10,446 Here comes Dan Archer with his contribution. 308 00:22:12,727 --> 00:22:14,320 Only three? 309 00:22:14,447 --> 00:22:18,156 Oh, dear. Looks like I'll be the only one eating breakfast again. 310 00:22:18,287 --> 00:22:21,598 You great big greedy melt! 311 00:22:21,727 --> 00:22:23,877 Brother Walt, I've had it! 312 00:22:24,007 --> 00:22:28,843 That big, fat, "orrible piebald porker has pushed me in the feeding trough again! 313 00:22:28,967 --> 00:22:33,598 - She's out to get me, that one. - I'll have a serious talk with her. 314 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:37,197 And them chickens, they're violent. They come at me like wild things! 315 00:22:37,327 --> 00:22:39,125 That I CAN fix for you. 316 00:22:39,247 --> 00:22:42,877 I'm in with the head boy. I'll put the big squeeze on. 317 00:22:45,727 --> 00:22:48,799 What a right diabolical lot you are. 318 00:22:48,927 --> 00:22:50,725 Three days out there in the farmyard 319 00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:54,602 and all you come up with is a lot of lousy throw-outs. 320 00:22:54,727 --> 00:22:58,721 I keep on digging, Brother Walt, but I never find nothing. 321 00:22:58,847 --> 00:23:02,522 If there is any taters in them hills, it'll take a steam shovel to find ‘em! 322 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:06,356 I reckon you've been sold a pup here. It ain't a going concern. 323 00:23:06,487 --> 00:23:09,445 The apples are all up in the trees, looks like they're never gonna fall down. 324 00:23:09,567 --> 00:23:12,525 Up in the trees? Of course they're up in the trees! 325 00:23:12,647 --> 00:23:16,561 Same as taters is down in the ground and lettuces is...wherever lettuces is! 326 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:19,725 It's up to you lot to sort them out. And you, 327 00:23:19,847 --> 00:23:23,158 Chaucer, get among them chickens and rattle some eggs out of 'em. 328 00:23:23,287 --> 00:23:25,597 {Phone rings) 329 00:23:29,967 --> 00:23:31,765 - "Hello, Walt? - Yeah, speaking. 330 00:23:31,887 --> 00:23:35,198 - "This is Ginzy.' - Oh, hello, Ginzy. What's buzzing? 331 00:23:35,327 --> 00:23:36,647 ‘Everything's picking up.' 332 00:23:36,767 --> 00:23:40,317 Oh, good, lovely. Nice. Sounds like you're really going to town. 333 00:23:40,447 --> 00:23:41,846 "We had Wills and Peabody last night.' 334 00:23:41,967 --> 00:23:44,959 Wills and Peabody, eh? They're not larking about, are they? 335 00:23:45,087 --> 00:23:48,876 Listen, Ginzy, who's running the jelly mob now? 336 00:23:49,007 --> 00:23:51,203 - 'Dangerous Herbert.' - Oh, Dangerous Herbert? 337 00:23:51,327 --> 00:23:54,604 Tell him we can handle all the gear he can get. 338 00:23:54,727 --> 00:23:57,640 Little Walter is in the market for loot. 339 00:24:05,447 --> 00:24:06,846 Wow! 340 00:24:06,967 --> 00:24:10,437 Little Walter's mob will soon change the shape of these. 341 00:24:18,647 --> 00:24:20,877 Right, sharpish, like. Whack 'em round to Ginzy. 342 00:24:21,007 --> 00:24:23,157 - He'll get them to Little Walter. - Right. 343 00:24:49,007 --> 00:24:51,521 Careful. Careful. 344 00:24:51,647 --> 00:24:54,685 - It's lovely. - Come along, me pretty little mackerels. 345 00:24:54,807 --> 00:24:57,367 I'll have a quick word with the Father Superior 346 00:24:57,487 --> 00:24:59,876 and we'll have a nice look round. 347 00:25:00,007 --> 00:25:02,396 Would you mind if we stay on the beach? 348 00:25:02,527 --> 00:25:04,996 Of course not. You go and enjoy yourselves. 349 00:25:05,127 --> 00:25:08,438 But I'm leaving at one o'clock sharp. Must get back before the pub shuts. 350 00:25:11,567 --> 00:25:14,559 Come along, boys and girls. Mind how you go. 351 00:25:21,047 --> 00:25:22,526 Ho ho! 352 00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:25,036 Squirts, look at this. 353 00:25:26,167 --> 00:25:27,487 'Ere, Lorenzo. 354 00:25:27,607 --> 00:25:30,326 I like your bikini. That's nice. 355 00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:36,276 - What are they doing? - Little darlings. Look at "em. 356 00:25:36,407 --> 00:25:40,560 And look at us. All cluttered up in these rotten old cassocks. 357 00:25:41,687 --> 00:25:43,678 Nearly there. 358 00:25:45,407 --> 00:25:47,603 Run! Run! 359 00:25:50,167 --> 00:25:53,558 - Oh, look at her. That big lumpy one. - Where?! 360 00:25:54,447 --> 00:25:58,236 Cor, she'd do me, that one. She's a bit like old Fidgety Kate. 361 00:25:58,367 --> 00:26:00,961 - Oi! Hey! - Ssh! Quiet! 362 00:26:01,087 --> 00:26:06,287 - What's the matter with you? - The brunette with the lovely long limbs. 363 00:26:06,407 --> 00:26:08,318 For just one moment with her 364 00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:11,007 I would crawl over 17 miles of broken bottles. 365 00:26:11,127 --> 00:26:13,721 Yeah, and die with your boots on! 366 00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:17,405 Coming! 367 00:26:20,927 --> 00:26:22,918 Oh, dear. 368 00:26:23,047 --> 00:26:25,607 - What's happening? - Oh... 369 00:26:25,727 --> 00:26:29,322 - Here she goes. Watch this. - Which one? 370 00:26:29,447 --> 00:26:31,518 Another one. Over she goes! 371 00:26:32,727 --> 00:26:34,798 Oh! Get in, Tosh, boy. 372 00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:38,443 Don't go mad. I'll go mad for you! 373 00:26:41,287 --> 00:26:44,245 Well, that's unblocked your flue. 374 00:26:44,367 --> 00:26:47,246 You didn't have to sling a whole tin of paraffin on! 375 00:26:47,367 --> 00:26:52,680 - That was a right old fry up. - Yeah. You've just blown out your dinner. 376 00:26:52,807 --> 00:26:57,483 - Why didn't you move it? - I didn't know half of Cornwall was there! 377 00:26:57,607 --> 00:27:02,238 I think I'll go and have a little rub down. Any other jobs, give us a shout. 378 00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:06,361 - And what do you want? - Fill the pail for the curly tail. 379 00:27:06,487 --> 00:27:10,446 And I away to the sty will sail. Pig swill. 380 00:27:16,807 --> 00:27:20,801 Now come on, puff off, the pair of you! And keep those other jokers out. 381 00:27:20,927 --> 00:27:23,999 - I've got to have a bath. - Need any help with that? 382 00:27:24,127 --> 00:27:25,606 Get out of ‘ere! 383 00:27:29,927 --> 00:27:34,398 - Ah, that's it, Mary. - Lovely, isn't it? 384 00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:38,202 You wait over by the big door. I think I know where I can find him. 385 00:27:38,327 --> 00:27:41,126 - He's probably in the garden. - Right, come along, Mary. 386 00:27:41,247 --> 00:27:43,238 Come along, dear. Now be careful. 387 00:28:10,967 --> 00:28:13,686 'Ere, what's your game? What are you sneaking about after? 388 00:28:13,807 --> 00:28:16,083 I'm Phineas Pendennis. Where's Father Superior? 389 00:28:16,207 --> 00:28:21,043 Father Superior?! Oh, that's me. I'm the Father Superior. 390 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,727 You are?! 391 00:28:24,527 --> 00:28:28,521 Oh, well... I just bought a party of trippers to see over the monastery. 392 00:28:28,647 --> 00:28:31,526 None of that. No visitors, no trippers. 393 00:28:31,647 --> 00:28:35,641 No fishing or trips round the lighthouse. This is a monks' island, for monks. 394 00:28:35,767 --> 00:28:40,398 - But this is my living, Father... - Sorry, son. No visitors. 395 00:28:40,527 --> 00:28:44,680 Monks' island? What about that piece I saw pop out of the galley? 396 00:28:44,807 --> 00:28:48,766 - Piece? You must be dreaming. - You must be dreaming if you think I am! 397 00:28:48,887 --> 00:28:51,242 I know a bit of plum duff when I see one. 398 00:28:51,367 --> 00:28:53,438 What are you talking about? 399 00:28:53,567 --> 00:28:58,357 Listen, I've sailed the seven seas, I've fought where the black flag flies. 400 00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:01,127 I've been a pirate and a smuggler and I took what I wanted 401 00:29:01,247 --> 00:29:02,965 and that includes the local beauties. 402 00:29:03,087 --> 00:29:05,601 - Oh, you're an old smuggler, eh? - Yeah. 403 00:29:05,727 --> 00:29:08,526 You've done a bit of pirating, eh? 404 00:29:08,647 --> 00:29:11,878 Well, perhaps I can give you a job that's a bit better 405 00:29:12,007 --> 00:29:15,238 than rowing earwiggers across the pond. 406 00:29:15,367 --> 00:29:17,677 You just hang on, me old Phineas. 407 00:29:17,807 --> 00:29:19,480 Let me get me smother on first. 408 00:29:20,287 --> 00:29:23,245 - Well, this won't do, will it? - He does seem gone a long time. 409 00:29:23,367 --> 00:29:26,962 Fellow's got himself lost. Perhaps we'd better go inside. 410 00:29:27,087 --> 00:29:29,761 - Come along, Mary. - Ridiculous! 411 00:29:37,367 --> 00:29:38,846 Hello? 412 00:29:40,727 --> 00:29:44,118 I think we'd better try down here. Come along, Mary. 413 00:29:46,607 --> 00:29:49,076 You'll get your first lorry load tomorrow morning. 414 00:29:49,207 --> 00:29:51,517 You'll be laughing. 415 00:29:51,647 --> 00:29:53,843 We'll all be laughing, eh? 416 00:29:53,967 --> 00:29:55,958 Here we are, then. 417 00:29:56,087 --> 00:29:59,318 'Ere, where did you leave that team of yours? 418 00:29:59,447 --> 00:30:03,202 Oh, outside by the big door. 419 00:30:03,327 --> 00:30:04,806 Come on, then. 420 00:30:07,127 --> 00:30:08,606 Ooh... 421 00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:24,685 They've gone! 422 00:30:38,607 --> 00:30:42,726 If they're going where I think they're going, we're in dead trouble! 423 00:30:48,047 --> 00:30:49,526 Come along, Mary. 424 00:30:53,287 --> 00:30:55,756 I think this is called a refectory. 425 00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:11,239 That must be the kitchen. Bound to find someone there. 426 00:31:11,367 --> 00:31:13,165 Come along, Mary. 427 00:31:16,807 --> 00:31:18,286 (Willy) Shut that door! 428 00:31:24,327 --> 00:31:26,682 You mustn't open that door today. 429 00:31:29,567 --> 00:31:31,285 Don't you know what today is? 430 00:31:31,407 --> 00:31:36,277 Today is, er, St Daniel's Day. A-And this is St Daniel's room. 431 00:31:36,407 --> 00:31:39,126 It goes back a long time. A long time. 432 00:31:39,247 --> 00:31:43,320 It goes back to... to when St Daniel here... 433 00:31:43,447 --> 00:31:47,281 heard that the good swineherd had lost his last and only pig 434 00:31:47,407 --> 00:31:51,037 with the dreaded palsy. St Daniel felt great sorrow for him 435 00:31:51,167 --> 00:31:56,162 and, gathering around him the frogs in the lake, the fish from the sea 436 00:31:56,287 --> 00:31:59,200 and the birds from the sky, St Daniel said, 437 00:31:59,327 --> 00:32:03,560 "Take them and care for them. And shelter them in your barn." 438 00:32:03,687 --> 00:32:07,282 This the good swineherd did and next day, to his amazement, 439 00:32:07,407 --> 00:32:13,005 to the joy of his wife and hungry children, the barn abounded with pigs. 440 00:32:14,527 --> 00:32:18,316 And that's how St Daniel saved the day. Isn't that so, Father? 441 00:32:18,447 --> 00:32:22,600 Oh, yeah, definitely. He was one of the boys. 442 00:32:22,727 --> 00:32:24,525 That's very interesting. 443 00:32:25,967 --> 00:32:28,686 Tell me, who's that chappie over there? 444 00:32:28,807 --> 00:32:32,846 Father, perhaps you'd like to tell our guests about that gent? 445 00:32:32,967 --> 00:32:35,197 Oh, that one? Fred. 446 00:32:36,687 --> 00:32:41,397 Yeah, he's one of the boys, too. It's him we thank for being here. 447 00:32:41,527 --> 00:32:45,077 - Oh, your benefactor? - Yeah, he's a right old...benefactor. 448 00:32:45,847 --> 00:32:48,043 (Bell chimes) 449 00:32:52,967 --> 00:32:54,958 Oh, what a shame! Tea break. 450 00:32:55,727 --> 00:32:56,956 Union rules. All out. 451 00:33:04,047 --> 00:33:06,641 (Whistles) Come back! 452 00:33:09,847 --> 00:33:12,441 - Come again! - Ta-ral 453 00:33:12,567 --> 00:33:14,558 (Girls) Bye! 454 00:33:16,287 --> 00:33:17,766 Ta-ra! 455 00:33:22,807 --> 00:33:25,799 - They won't come back now. -Oh...! 456 00:33:27,487 --> 00:33:30,400 - (Tosh bleats) - Shut up! 457 00:33:35,207 --> 00:33:37,198 Come on. This way. 458 00:33:45,767 --> 00:33:48,998 Heave to, mate, until I see if the coast's clear. 459 00:33:49,127 --> 00:33:51,277 - Shut the gate. - Right. 460 00:34:04,967 --> 00:34:07,038 What are you doing, Junie? 461 00:34:07,167 --> 00:34:09,636 Scrubbing the floor on a beautiful morning like this? 462 00:34:09,767 --> 00:34:13,203 - It ain't right. - But I always scrub it every Wednesday. 463 00:34:13,327 --> 00:34:18,003 Do you? Well, we have to put a stop to that, then. Here. 464 00:34:18,127 --> 00:34:22,360 Take this. Go into Newquay and get yourself a lovely new dress. 465 00:34:23,167 --> 00:34:27,559 - Seven and six? - Spend the lot, my little lobster. 466 00:34:27,687 --> 00:34:29,325 I don't know what's come over you, Granddad, 467 00:34:29,447 --> 00:34:32,200 but seven and six isn't enough to buy me a new dress. 468 00:34:32,327 --> 00:34:33,397 - Not enough? - No. 469 00:34:33,527 --> 00:34:38,806 - What could you get one for, then? - Two pounds. Perhaps 30 shillings. 470 00:34:38,927 --> 00:34:40,406 Oh. 471 00:34:50,327 --> 00:34:52,398 Better make it 30 bob. 472 00:34:52,527 --> 00:34:55,679 Never mind that, sweetheart. Granddad will see to it. 473 00:34:55,807 --> 00:34:58,242 Hurry along now. Don't miss your bus. 474 00:34:58,367 --> 00:35:00,165 Oh, no. 475 00:35:01,607 --> 00:35:03,917 Well, are you sure you'll be all right? 476 00:35:04,047 --> 00:35:06,766 - Yeah, you run along. - OK, then. 477 00:35:06,887 --> 00:35:09,322 - Have a lovely time. - Thank you, Granddad. 478 00:35:09,447 --> 00:35:11,836 - Bye-bye! - Bye! 479 00:35:13,167 --> 00:35:15,238 Look forward to seeing you in your new dress. Bye. 480 00:35:15,367 --> 00:35:17,563 - Thanks, Granddad. Bye! - Goodbye. 481 00:35:17,687 --> 00:35:19,166 Bye-bye! 482 00:35:30,847 --> 00:35:33,236 Hey, miss! Young lady! 483 00:35:34,367 --> 00:35:40,045 - What do I do now? - Sit tight! I'll throw you a line! 484 00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:13,725 Oops! All right? 485 00:36:13,847 --> 00:36:17,841 Make the boat fast, Brother, or you'll lose that as well. 486 00:36:21,007 --> 00:36:23,567 - Are you all right, Brother? - Yes, thank you. 487 00:36:23,687 --> 00:36:28,045 Thank you for your help. My name's Willy. Brother William. 488 00:36:28,167 --> 00:36:31,558 It's nice to meet you. You're one of the new monks. 489 00:36:31,687 --> 00:36:34,122 Yeah. I nipped over to buy gumboots. 490 00:36:34,247 --> 00:36:38,286 - I look after the pigs. - Oh, gumboots. 491 00:36:38,407 --> 00:36:43,117 I'll take you to Mr Blackman. He seems to have everything. 492 00:36:49,967 --> 00:36:53,961 Now let's run me spyglass over this little lot. 493 00:37:26,287 --> 00:37:27,357 (Rattles) 494 00:37:27,487 --> 00:37:30,639 It don't sound full of hymn books. 495 00:37:30,767 --> 00:37:35,398 Blast it! Cunning, conniving barnacles! 496 00:37:39,647 --> 00:37:41,877 Tulip bulbs?! 497 00:37:42,007 --> 00:37:44,157 I'll bet they never flower. 498 00:37:56,927 --> 00:37:58,406 Cor! 499 00:37:59,327 --> 00:38:02,558 Stone the crows! It's just like Christmas. 500 00:38:19,087 --> 00:38:20,566 They hurt a bit. 501 00:38:23,327 --> 00:38:28,083 - They're a bit stiff, too. - These others are 30 shillings dearer. 502 00:38:28,207 --> 00:38:32,678 30 bob?! That's noth... That's an awful lot of money. 503 00:38:33,927 --> 00:38:38,080 In that case, I'll take the cheaper pair. 504 00:38:38,207 --> 00:38:39,686 Thank you, sir. 505 00:38:51,247 --> 00:38:52,726 These. 506 00:39:02,927 --> 00:39:04,998 Well, thank you for everything, Miss Pendennis. 507 00:39:05,127 --> 00:39:07,084 You've been a great help. 508 00:39:07,207 --> 00:39:09,118 I'll say goodbye for now, 509 00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:11,887 but perhaps I'll see you when I come again. 510 00:39:13,087 --> 00:39:14,680 Well, goodbye once more. 511 00:39:14,807 --> 00:39:18,118 Thanks. I hope... 512 00:39:18,247 --> 00:39:20,158 Oh! The oar. 513 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:25,006 Just a minute. 514 00:39:28,287 --> 00:39:33,202 I was wondering how you came to lose that oar, but I quite understand it now. 515 00:39:36,007 --> 00:39:40,046 I suppose you realise by this time I'm not a great seafaring man. 516 00:39:40,847 --> 00:39:43,487 Well, you can't be good at everything. 517 00:39:43,607 --> 00:39:45,757 I expect you're an absolute wizard with pigs. 518 00:39:47,087 --> 00:39:49,476 Oh, yeah. I'm very good with pigs. 519 00:39:52,287 --> 00:39:53,846 If you're not in too much of a hurry, 520 00:39:53,967 --> 00:39:57,164 I could give you a few hints about handling the boat. 521 00:39:57,287 --> 00:39:58,960 It might make it easier for you. 522 00:40:00,127 --> 00:40:03,836 On such a fair day, with such a fair teacher, 523 00:40:03,967 --> 00:40:06,083 ‘twould be truly unfair to refuse. 524 00:40:09,327 --> 00:40:10,726 Whoops! 525 00:40:10,847 --> 00:40:13,316 - All right? - That's it. 526 00:40:13,447 --> 00:40:17,600 Right now, keep your hands even and... ready? 527 00:40:25,567 --> 00:40:27,558 That'll do. 528 00:40:30,167 --> 00:40:33,717 You wouldn't have a drop of something to lubricate a sailor's parched gizzard? 529 00:40:33,847 --> 00:40:36,600 I've a tongue like an Aborigines nightshirt. 530 00:40:36,727 --> 00:40:40,607 Specs, give him a snifter. He ain't a bad old sort. 531 00:40:40,727 --> 00:40:42,877 - Thank you, Father. - Walt? 532 00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:45,647 (Specs) Give us your glass, Pops. I'll fill it up for you. 533 00:40:46,767 --> 00:40:49,486 Say when. Blimey, you've got a bit of a thirst! 534 00:40:50,927 --> 00:40:53,806 Now then, Phineas, you're sure no one saw you come across? 535 00:40:53,927 --> 00:40:57,886 No, I used the little row boat. Quiet as a shadow in the night. 536 00:40:58,007 --> 00:41:00,362 I came across the water like a gannet after a herring. 537 00:41:00,487 --> 00:41:02,558 Good. Now then... 538 00:41:02,687 --> 00:41:05,486 We need you to do the trip two or three times a week. 539 00:41:05,607 --> 00:41:08,998 If you want the job, button your lip. 540 00:41:09,127 --> 00:41:10,606 You can rely on me. 541 00:41:11,487 --> 00:41:13,956 If I might give you a bit of advice, Father... 542 00:41:14,087 --> 00:41:15,486 Yeah? 543 00:41:15,607 --> 00:41:17,883 Get your bell-ringing times right. 544 00:41:18,007 --> 00:41:22,160 I don't know about all the others, but the pub in the village opens on Vespers 545 00:41:22,287 --> 00:41:23,686 and closes on Benediction. 546 00:41:23,807 --> 00:41:25,923 Oh, very adjacent. 547 00:41:26,047 --> 00:41:29,927 Brother Specs, you're bell boy. Get the gen on the times. 548 00:41:31,127 --> 00:41:33,687 You're thinking along the right lines, Phineas. 549 00:41:33,807 --> 00:41:35,684 (Willy clears throat) 550 00:41:35,807 --> 00:41:39,482 Anyway, if you notice anything else dodgy on this set up, 551 00:41:39,607 --> 00:41:41,405 come and tell the old Father Superior. 552 00:41:48,367 --> 00:41:50,085 Now then, me old barnacle, 553 00:41:50,207 --> 00:41:53,006 I think it's high time you and me had a nice little chat. 554 00:41:53,127 --> 00:41:58,440 Don't drown yourself now. Don't forget you're driving. 555 00:41:58,567 --> 00:41:59,921 {Phineas burps) 556 00:42:00,047 --> 00:42:01,640 Granted. 557 00:42:05,727 --> 00:42:09,357 Now then, them tulip bulbs ain't the ordinary kind. 558 00:42:09,487 --> 00:42:14,482 They're very special. If somebody nicked one of them bulbs and tried to flog it, 559 00:42:14,607 --> 00:42:17,679 he could get into a big bundle of trouble. 560 00:42:17,807 --> 00:42:20,686 Just being caught with one of them bulbs in his cottage, 561 00:42:20,807 --> 00:42:24,277 an old fisherman could get 18 months in the nick. 562 00:42:24,407 --> 00:42:27,684 Oh, yes, sir. A very bad thing, sir. 563 00:42:27,807 --> 00:42:29,036 Yeah, ‘ere. 564 00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:32,956 I reckon you deserve an extra couple of quid a trip, danger money. 565 00:42:33,087 --> 00:42:35,476 - There you are. - Thank you, sir. 566 00:42:35,607 --> 00:42:40,158 And if I...happen to see any of those tulip bulbs 567 00:42:40,287 --> 00:42:43,962 that have tumbled out of the sack, I'll see you get it back. 568 00:42:44,087 --> 00:42:48,923 That's right, Phineas. 'Ere, this will see you across the drink. 569 00:42:49,047 --> 00:42:52,278 Thank you, sir. And my regards to your good lady. 570 00:42:52,407 --> 00:42:54,398 That's a good lad. 571 00:43:32,127 --> 00:43:33,606 Ahh! 572 00:43:44,847 --> 00:43:46,724 - Brother Specs! - Hello. 573 00:43:46,847 --> 00:43:48,326 Benediction. 574 00:43:51,527 --> 00:43:53,962 J I've never seen Southampton 575 00:43:54,087 --> 00:43:56,522 J I've never seen Brazil 576 00:43:56,647 --> 00:44:01,323 J But the Don and the Magdalena I go there when I will 577 00:44:01,447 --> 00:44:04,166 J Ayayay...J 578 00:44:04,287 --> 00:44:06,358 (Bells chime) 579 00:44:14,167 --> 00:44:17,159 (Bells continue to chime) 580 00:44:20,807 --> 00:44:24,198 Doesn't the bell sound beautiful over the water, Father? 581 00:44:24,327 --> 00:44:28,036 Returning like this makes me realise how much I've missed the sea. 582 00:44:28,167 --> 00:44:31,603 - Do you feel like this, Father? - I do, Brother Lucius. 583 00:44:31,727 --> 00:44:35,516 It's hard to think that we don't belong here any more. 584 00:45:00,007 --> 00:45:02,203 Hey, Walt! Brother Walt! 585 00:45:02,327 --> 00:45:05,683 I've just spotted them: there's two geezers coming this way! 586 00:45:05,807 --> 00:45:07,957 - Bogeys? - No, monks! 587 00:45:08,087 --> 00:45:09,486 - Monks?! - Yeah! 588 00:45:09,607 --> 00:45:12,167 Quick, hop off and get Lorenzo. He's our only hope. 589 00:45:12,287 --> 00:45:16,167 At least he went to Sunday school. Then fetch them hounds up to the office. 590 00:45:16,287 --> 00:45:20,565 And Specs, keep your trap shut! You know how bad you talk. 591 00:45:20,687 --> 00:45:22,086 Oh, yeah... 592 00:45:31,767 --> 00:45:34,566 Lorenzo! Lorenzo! 593 00:45:34,687 --> 00:45:38,237 Walt wants you, we're in trouble! Put them down. Follow me. 594 00:45:38,367 --> 00:45:41,519 A couple of real monks have turned up, we don't know what we're gonna do. 595 00:45:43,087 --> 00:45:45,556 Come on, you stupid goat. 596 00:46:13,727 --> 00:46:15,718 {Goat bleats) 597 00:46:20,327 --> 00:46:24,321 It ain't good. This is not what we wanted. Things could really go wrong now. 598 00:46:24,447 --> 00:46:28,077 We've just got to bluff it out. Play it by ear, Lorenzo. 599 00:46:28,207 --> 00:46:32,201 You've got the spiel, so I'll leave it to you to chat to 'em and hope for the best. 600 00:46:38,487 --> 00:46:39,966 Quick, give it ‘ere! 601 00:46:40,087 --> 00:46:43,318 - I hope they go before evening prayers. - Evening prayers? 602 00:46:43,447 --> 00:46:44,596 Ohh! 603 00:46:44,727 --> 00:46:46,718 {Knock at door) 604 00:46:47,647 --> 00:46:49,126 Cigar! 605 00:46:53,887 --> 00:46:57,164 Saludos, amigos. Please to come in. 606 00:46:57,287 --> 00:46:59,324 Good afternoon to you. 607 00:46:59,447 --> 00:47:01,597 I hope we find you well. 608 00:47:02,567 --> 00:47:05,719 I am Father Septimus and this is Brother Lucius. 609 00:47:05,847 --> 00:47:09,363 That's nice. I'm Brother Lorenzo. This is Father Walter. 610 00:47:09,487 --> 00:47:11,637 It's good of you to come and see us. 611 00:47:11,767 --> 00:47:14,964 Not at all. We thought it was time we paid you a visit. 612 00:47:15,087 --> 00:47:17,647 We were here on this island before you came. 613 00:47:17,767 --> 00:47:18,757 Ah! 614 00:47:18,887 --> 00:47:21,879 We are far away inland at the abbey now. 615 00:47:22,007 --> 00:47:24,726 But I think a part of me remains here on this island. 616 00:47:24,847 --> 00:47:28,886 It's great to see you, Father. I'm glad you popped in. 617 00:47:29,007 --> 00:47:32,921 What a pity you had to scarper like you did and leave your gear behind! 618 00:47:33,047 --> 00:47:36,278 Perhaps you would like to take a little wine with us 619 00:47:36,407 --> 00:47:38,444 to refresh you after that long journey. 620 00:47:38,567 --> 00:47:42,242 Thank you. I'm sure Brother Lucius, like myself, would be most grateful. 621 00:47:42,367 --> 00:47:46,520 Brother Spectacles, would you bring us a little wine? 622 00:47:46,647 --> 00:47:48,126 Yeah, of course. 623 00:47:49,047 --> 00:47:51,038 Wine? Where will I get that from then? 624 00:47:51,167 --> 00:47:56,924 - The kitchen, sefior. The kitchen. - The kitchen... Oh, the wine! Of course! 625 00:47:57,047 --> 00:47:58,640 (They laugh) 626 00:47:58,767 --> 00:48:03,238 Why don't you flop down in the chair, Father, take it off your feet a bit? 627 00:48:03,367 --> 00:48:05,756 You, too, Brother Lucius. 628 00:48:08,607 --> 00:48:10,837 It's quite a flip across the bay. 629 00:48:10,967 --> 00:48:13,117 Especially all the way from your monastery. 630 00:48:13,247 --> 00:48:15,716 (J Twist music) 631 00:48:24,727 --> 00:48:27,082 Hey, Bikini, turn it off! 632 00:48:27,207 --> 00:48:29,005 - What? = Turn it off! 633 00:48:29,127 --> 00:48:31,846 - Oh, Specs! - Two of the real monks have turned up. 634 00:48:31,967 --> 00:48:34,720 - Real monks? - I've got to take a bottle of wine up. 635 00:48:34,847 --> 00:48:36,645 You better lay low. 636 00:48:36,767 --> 00:48:39,566 They'd reckon we were a bunch of queer monks if you appeared. 637 00:48:39,687 --> 00:48:41,724 You ain't kidding! Real monks, eh? 638 00:48:41,847 --> 00:48:43,884 - What about the wine then? - Wine? 639 00:48:44,007 --> 00:48:47,238 - Yeah? - What wine? 'Ere, we ain't got no wine! 640 00:48:47,367 --> 00:48:49,927 - What? - No. We've got gin... 641 00:48:50,047 --> 00:48:52,323 - Yeah. - Scotch, brandy. 642 00:48:52,447 --> 00:48:55,007 We've even got some beer, but we ain't got no wine. 643 00:48:55,127 --> 00:48:56,925 What's this then? 644 00:48:57,567 --> 00:48:59,399 Sherry. That'll do. 645 00:48:59,527 --> 00:49:02,201 Tell 'em we've run out of wine, but we've got Scotch and gin. 646 00:49:02,327 --> 00:49:05,524 Right. I'll take the glasses with me as well. 647 00:49:05,647 --> 00:49:07,046 Real monks! 648 00:49:08,487 --> 00:49:11,639 - No, thank you. - Oh, don't smoke, eh? 649 00:49:13,447 --> 00:49:15,245 Yes, well... 650 00:49:15,367 --> 00:49:18,758 ...I reckon you was double-choked when you had to leave the island, eh? 651 00:49:18,887 --> 00:49:22,323 Choked? Yes, a good word. 652 00:49:22,447 --> 00:49:24,961 Yes, we were, as you say, choked. 653 00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:27,476 You see, we had such great plans. 654 00:49:27,607 --> 00:49:30,599 Ultimately, we intended to cultivate the whole island. 655 00:49:32,167 --> 00:49:35,876 We ain't got no wine, but if you fancy a drop of gut rot... 656 00:49:36,007 --> 00:49:39,887 Yes, I'm sure it will be quite suitable, thank you, Brother. 657 00:49:40,007 --> 00:49:42,681 A most willing member of our small brotherhood, 658 00:49:42,807 --> 00:49:45,447 but incapable of carrying out the smallest order 659 00:49:45,567 --> 00:49:48,320 without making some dreadful hoo-jah! 660 00:49:48,447 --> 00:49:50,324 Yeah, he's a right nutter. 661 00:49:50,447 --> 00:49:53,246 He's usually in charge of the taters and greens. 662 00:49:53,367 --> 00:49:57,998 I reckon you could call him one of them fallers-by-the-wayside you talked about. 663 00:49:58,127 --> 00:50:00,038 - A little for you, Father? - No. 664 00:50:00,167 --> 00:50:03,000 It gives me a nasty pain in me Derby Kelly. 665 00:50:03,127 --> 00:50:05,721 I'll just have a little drop of Jippo. 666 00:50:07,967 --> 00:50:11,961 What exactly is the cause of your failure, Father? 667 00:50:12,087 --> 00:50:14,522 Is perhaps the land not yielding enough 668 00:50:14,647 --> 00:50:17,605 or was it the inclemency of the weather in the winter months? 669 00:50:17,727 --> 00:50:20,799 - Good luck, boys! - Good health. 670 00:50:21,367 --> 00:50:24,405 No, God blessed us with fruitful soil 671 00:50:24,527 --> 00:50:28,805 and the winter weather, although a little wild, caused us no great anxiety. 672 00:50:28,927 --> 00:50:32,443 No, it was the lack of money that finally defeated us. 673 00:50:32,567 --> 00:50:35,958 However productive the soil, we could not grow bank notes. 674 00:50:36,087 --> 00:50:39,478 No? I think perhaps you've been using the wrong fertiliser. 675 00:50:39,607 --> 00:50:41,803 But I understand. It's a great pity. 676 00:50:41,927 --> 00:50:45,204 What a shame! Ain't it a shame, Brother Lorenzo? 677 00:50:45,327 --> 00:50:48,319 And you trying to do your best for them layabouts as well! 678 00:50:48,447 --> 00:50:52,805 It will take time, but we will not fail with help such as yours. 679 00:50:52,927 --> 00:50:55,999 - Us, Father? - The reason we're here is to thank you. 680 00:50:56,127 --> 00:51:01,201 The splendid amount you gave us meant we did not lose everything in our venture. 681 00:51:01,327 --> 00:51:04,479 That's all right, Father Septimus. It was a bargain. 682 00:51:04,607 --> 00:51:06,678 Anyhow, we needed a gaff like this... 683 00:51:06,807 --> 00:51:09,720 Si, sf. We, too, have a venture on hand. 684 00:51:09,847 --> 00:51:11,645 Oh? 685 00:51:11,767 --> 00:51:14,236 I should be interested to hear about it. 686 00:51:14,367 --> 00:51:18,804 Ah, well... Would you like to partake of another glass of wine, Father, 687 00:51:18,927 --> 00:51:21,646 before I speak to you of our intentions? 688 00:51:23,527 --> 00:51:27,282 You don't think these two jokers are over here taking sights? 689 00:51:27,407 --> 00:51:29,842 No, they seemed kind of friendly to me. 690 00:51:29,967 --> 00:51:31,924 I've heard about friendly coppers. 691 00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:34,800 They don't stay friendly once they know you're bent. 692 00:51:34,927 --> 00:51:39,000 Could be on a suss and they'll go back and put the bubble in. 693 00:51:39,127 --> 00:51:41,596 Could be. Only I arranged 'em like they was straight. 694 00:51:41,727 --> 00:51:44,924 Not like us, but straight like straight-up monks. 695 00:51:45,447 --> 00:51:47,757 I trust you've had a pleasant afternoon, Father? 696 00:51:47,887 --> 00:51:51,721 Most entertaining and so encouraging to hear of your hopes and plans. 697 00:51:51,847 --> 00:51:54,487 We're stacked right up with hopes and plans. 698 00:51:54,607 --> 00:51:56,723 And quite rightly so. 699 00:51:56,847 --> 00:52:00,078 But I feel I must warn you and your good Brother Lorenzo 700 00:52:00,207 --> 00:52:04,565 that the growing of ground nuts would be very unwise and even impractical. 701 00:52:04,687 --> 00:52:08,567 Quod semper respice tempus, so to speak. 702 00:52:08,687 --> 00:52:12,203 Definitely. I think you're probably right there, Father. 703 00:52:12,327 --> 00:52:16,844 Yes, I think we'll blow them out and stick with the old oysters and pearls. 704 00:52:16,967 --> 00:52:19,243 The old oysters and pearls... 705 00:52:19,367 --> 00:52:22,405 We certainly never exploited that source of revenue. 706 00:52:22,527 --> 00:52:24,677 Perhaps that's where we went wrong. 707 00:52:24,807 --> 00:52:28,482 - We mustn't miss our train, Father. - Yes, you must not miss your train. 708 00:52:28,607 --> 00:52:32,043 - Tempus fugit, so to speak. - Then we must make our farewells. 709 00:52:33,967 --> 00:52:37,323 I hope we may visit you again before the winter sets in. 710 00:52:37,447 --> 00:52:40,007 - Yes, that's nice. - Any time. It's a pleasure. 711 00:52:40,127 --> 00:52:43,324 Thank you for your hospitality, Father Walter. 712 00:52:43,447 --> 00:52:48,157 - I hope you succeed where we failed. - That's very nice of you. Thanks a lot. 713 00:52:48,287 --> 00:52:51,803 Good journey to you, Father Septimus. Adios, Brother Lucius. 714 00:52:51,927 --> 00:52:54,157 Goodbye. We shall pray for you. 715 00:52:54,767 --> 00:52:56,440 Goodbye. 716 00:52:56,567 --> 00:52:58,956 And may God be with you, my son. 717 00:53:06,007 --> 00:53:08,726 They're going to pray for us, Lorenzo. 718 00:53:09,287 --> 00:53:13,440 - Yes, I know. - And us up to the capers that we are! 719 00:53:19,407 --> 00:53:21,637 (Clucking) 720 00:53:23,447 --> 00:53:25,245 Oh! Ohh! 721 00:53:25,367 --> 00:53:27,005 Argh! 722 00:53:31,487 --> 00:53:35,799 Brother Willy was right. They're a lot of desperados in there! 723 00:53:35,927 --> 00:53:37,406 Ah! 724 00:53:44,167 --> 00:53:47,285 'Ere! Got a bit of bacon knocking about? 725 00:53:47,407 --> 00:53:51,446 No. You said no knives in no pigs! 726 00:53:51,567 --> 00:53:56,562 Oh, yeah. Look, whack that in a pan with a slice of fried bread, will ya? 727 00:54:00,047 --> 00:54:02,482 - Didn't you enjoy your supper? - Eh? 728 00:54:03,247 --> 00:54:04,760 Oh, yeah, yeah. It was very nice. 729 00:54:04,887 --> 00:54:07,003 You don't look as though you did. 730 00:54:07,127 --> 00:54:11,405 Well, I can't eat all that... Stew, wasn't it? 731 00:54:11,527 --> 00:54:15,839 You know me. I'm a steak and chips man with a rub of the garlic. 732 00:54:15,967 --> 00:54:18,846 I wish I could cook you something nice, Walt. 733 00:54:18,967 --> 00:54:21,800 It ain't much fun seeing it come back like it does. 734 00:54:21,927 --> 00:54:26,000 You'll soon learn, me little lollipop. That smells great. 735 00:54:26,127 --> 00:54:30,121 Anyone can fry an egg, but you can't live on that all the time. 736 00:54:30,247 --> 00:54:34,036 How about a few Jack the Rippers or a couple of choice bloaters? 737 00:54:34,167 --> 00:54:37,000 No, I want to cook you something nice. 738 00:54:37,127 --> 00:54:41,917 You've been too busy ticklin' up them furs. You've never had a chance to learn. 739 00:54:42,047 --> 00:54:45,165 How about me buying you a nice cookery book? 740 00:54:45,287 --> 00:54:48,166 - Do you think I could pick it up? - Course you could. 741 00:54:48,287 --> 00:54:50,597 What about all them dud cheques? 742 00:54:50,727 --> 00:54:53,196 You soon picked up the forgery business, didn't ya? 743 00:54:53,327 --> 00:54:54,965 Yeah. 744 00:54:55,087 --> 00:54:58,478 Yeah, I did, didn't I? Perhaps I could, Walt. 745 00:54:58,607 --> 00:55:01,076 It'll be a doddle. That's what we'll do. 746 00:55:01,207 --> 00:55:05,360 We'll buy you a real cookery book first thing in the morning. 747 00:55:16,767 --> 00:55:19,361 In you go. Good morning! 748 00:55:19,487 --> 00:55:21,842 Ah! I know what you've come for, Brother. 749 00:55:21,967 --> 00:55:24,004 - You do? - "The Catholic Herald". 750 00:55:24,127 --> 00:55:26,687 - Eh? - I got six back numbers here for you. 751 00:55:26,807 --> 00:55:31,244 - Oh! Oh, good. Thank you. Ta. - I wondered when you'd come in for ‘em. 752 00:55:33,567 --> 00:55:37,197 We've been very busy because it's all go being a monk. 753 00:55:37,327 --> 00:55:39,716 He don't make things any easier. Do ya, hey? 754 00:55:39,847 --> 00:55:41,963 (Bleats) 755 00:55:42,087 --> 00:55:45,443 Look at that. He loves this. Do him good. Here you are. 756 00:55:45,567 --> 00:55:49,720 - I really came about a nice cookery book. - I've got the very thing for you. 757 00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:51,838 Good. 758 00:55:57,927 --> 00:56:01,397 Here you are then. "The Secrets of Baking and Broiling". 759 00:56:01,527 --> 00:56:05,316 - Or "Pie Making With Felicity Todd". - That is the one. 760 00:56:05,447 --> 00:56:09,122 With the stuff we've been having, I could eat a pie made by Sweeney Todd! 761 00:56:09,247 --> 00:56:12,399 Sweeney Todd! Know what I mean? Can you change this? 762 00:56:12,527 --> 00:56:15,645 - Oh, I dare say. - Good. There you are. 763 00:56:15,767 --> 00:56:18,805 Don't forget the liquorice he had. I'll have one as well. 764 00:56:28,007 --> 00:56:29,486 Oh, hello. 765 00:56:30,247 --> 00:56:31,726 Hello. 766 00:56:32,407 --> 00:56:35,684 - You've brought the oar back then? - The oar? 767 00:56:35,807 --> 00:56:40,040 Oh, yeah, the oar. Yeah, well, I thought you might need it. 768 00:56:43,087 --> 00:56:46,239 I suppose you know everything about gardening. The other Brothers did. 769 00:56:46,367 --> 00:56:51,157 Well, no... Well, no, not exactly everything. 770 00:56:52,327 --> 00:56:55,922 - I forgot. You only know all about pigs. - Yeah. 771 00:56:57,127 --> 00:57:01,485 That's funny. Now you come to mention it, old Bertha, our big sow... 772 00:57:01,607 --> 00:57:03,405 She's been very bad-tempered. 773 00:57:03,527 --> 00:57:07,236 She never did like me much, but now I can't go nowhere near her. 774 00:57:07,367 --> 00:57:11,998 Oh, that's strange. Oh, my Aunt Kitty once had a pig like that, too. 775 00:57:13,047 --> 00:57:15,482 Would you like me to come and have a look at her? 776 00:57:15,607 --> 00:57:18,679 Would you? That'd be marvellous. 777 00:57:19,767 --> 00:57:22,407 Oh, no, you'd better not, no. 778 00:57:24,167 --> 00:57:28,764 Well, I'd like you to, but it's the Father Superior. He's very strict. 779 00:57:30,167 --> 00:57:31,362 Oh. 780 00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:39,847 - Morning. - Morning. 781 00:57:39,967 --> 00:57:41,446 Morning. 782 00:57:44,807 --> 00:57:48,038 Gorgeous Geoff, let's see where he is. 783 00:57:48,887 --> 00:57:52,278 'Ere, Gorgeous Geoff is running Saturday, Tosh. 784 00:57:52,407 --> 00:57:56,366 I didn't tell you I'd got a greyhound. Runs at the White City, he does. 785 00:57:56,487 --> 00:58:00,242 Very fair form in Ireland. He could win a couple of races here. 786 00:58:00,367 --> 00:58:04,247 Look at that, second last time out. 29.57, not a bad time, is it? 787 00:58:04,367 --> 00:58:05,516 (Bleats) 788 00:58:05,647 --> 00:58:08,400 We need you in trap three, him in trap four. 789 00:58:08,527 --> 00:58:11,041 Let him break in front of you. As he comes out, the old horns... 790 00:58:11,167 --> 00:58:13,238 Whoops! Ah! Woo-hoo! 791 00:58:13,367 --> 00:58:15,404 Bound to do it. Couldn't fail. 792 00:58:15,527 --> 00:58:18,167 He could really do this one if he's running into form. 793 00:58:18,287 --> 00:58:21,518 I must get a bet on. Must be somewhere in this village. 794 00:58:21,647 --> 00:58:26,039 Where's Willy got to? You hang on. I shan't be a minute. 795 00:58:30,887 --> 00:58:33,083 Hello, hello. It's all happening again! 796 00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:41,125 You great, long, slimy, hairy-headed nosh bag! 797 00:58:41,247 --> 00:58:44,205 You couldn't eat a copy of "The Catholic Herald"! 798 00:58:44,327 --> 00:58:46,443 You had to go and nosh my "Sporting Life"! 799 00:58:46,567 --> 00:58:49,002 I've a good mind to stick one on your chops... 800 00:58:49,127 --> 00:58:53,405 Thank you, er... for the loan of the oar, Miss Pendennis. 801 00:58:54,807 --> 00:58:57,481 Oh, I expect you'll need this, too. 802 00:58:57,607 --> 00:59:01,157 - Are you going to do a bit of rowing? - Are we ready to depart? 803 00:59:01,287 --> 00:59:05,520 Oh, yes, Brother Willy, we're quite ready. Ta-ta, miss. See you later. 804 00:59:05,647 --> 00:59:08,400 Come on, Tosh. Home we go. 805 00:59:09,047 --> 00:59:10,276 Come on, me old goat then. 806 00:59:10,407 --> 00:59:13,081 Oh! You ain't half putting on weight, Tosh! 807 00:59:13,207 --> 00:59:16,199 - (Bleating) - Please! You like it when you get in. 808 00:59:18,127 --> 00:59:19,606 Oh! 809 00:59:24,767 --> 00:59:26,405 (Bleating) 810 00:59:26,527 --> 00:59:28,438 Ta-ta! See you soon! 811 00:59:38,807 --> 00:59:40,718 How are they turning out, Brother Squirts? 812 00:59:40,847 --> 00:59:43,566 The Bank of England would pay 4 pounds, 19 and 6 for these. 813 00:59:43,687 --> 00:59:47,396 - That good, are they? - You're joking, aren't you? 814 00:59:47,527 --> 00:59:49,598 Here you are, anyone you like. 815 00:59:49,727 --> 00:59:51,525 Lovely. 816 00:59:53,007 --> 00:59:55,442 - You can almost smell the mint. - Yeah. 817 00:59:55,567 --> 00:59:57,763 - (Bleating) - What's the matter with him? 818 00:59:57,887 --> 01:00:00,401 He had a load of liquorice this morning. 819 01:00:00,527 --> 01:00:03,997 Didn't half give him some stick. It's upset all his organs. 820 01:00:04,127 --> 01:00:08,758 Keep bashin' 'em out. We only get one real one for every two of these. 821 01:00:11,687 --> 01:00:14,327 How about that one, Brother Lorenzo? 822 01:00:14,447 --> 01:00:16,757 Magnificent! 823 01:00:16,887 --> 01:00:20,403 Truly a diamond. This might be the one I'm looking for. 824 01:00:20,527 --> 01:00:22,325 A good one, eh? No mockers? 825 01:00:22,447 --> 01:00:25,519 No mockers in these stones, Brother Walt. 826 01:00:25,647 --> 01:00:28,082 A blue-white Brazilian. 827 01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:30,596 - Oh... - It's perfect. 828 01:00:31,167 --> 01:00:35,445 Oh, that's got a lot of sparkle. That must be worth a few bob. 829 01:00:36,207 --> 01:00:39,199 - Six carats. - Well, all grist to the mill. 830 01:00:40,047 --> 01:00:43,199 - All right, son? - Yeah, grand, innit? 831 01:00:43,327 --> 01:00:45,398 Lovely. Keep at it. 832 01:00:47,767 --> 01:00:49,644 How are you off for stock, Brother Bikini? 833 01:00:49,767 --> 01:00:52,566 Not too bad. I've got enough for two or three days. 834 01:00:52,687 --> 01:00:56,123 That's all right. There's a load on ice waiting to be shipped down. 835 01:00:56,247 --> 01:00:57,965 Is that the finished article? 836 01:00:58,087 --> 01:01:01,478 Almost. They've been koshered. Nobody would recognise them. 837 01:01:01,607 --> 01:01:04,440 That's good. Ginzy's setting up a mannequin parade. 838 01:01:04,567 --> 01:01:06,717 We'll be able to knock ‘em off at tip-top prices 839 01:01:06,847 --> 01:01:10,602 and cut out them crooked fences, the bloodsuckers! 840 01:01:10,727 --> 01:01:13,526 Oh! 'Ere, have a look at this one. 841 01:01:14,847 --> 01:01:17,646 This is the one I fancy, Brother Walt. 842 01:01:18,967 --> 01:01:21,607 Yeah, I fancy that. 843 01:01:25,007 --> 01:01:27,237 {Cockerel crows) 844 01:02:05,887 --> 01:02:07,400 (Snoring) 845 01:02:39,967 --> 01:02:41,844 - I reckon it's myxomatosis. - Eh? 846 01:02:41,967 --> 01:02:45,244 I read about that. It's horrible. They all curl up and die. 847 01:02:45,367 --> 01:02:48,997 No, with that, they go all skinny. This one has gone all fat. 848 01:02:49,127 --> 01:02:51,243 Besides, only rabbits get that. 849 01:02:51,367 --> 01:02:55,326 The way her snout's twitching, it could be foot-and-mouth disease. 850 01:02:55,447 --> 01:02:58,087 Come out of it, Tosh. You don't want a dose of that lot. 851 01:02:58,207 --> 01:03:01,279 I fear the worst. It's ptomaine poisoning. 852 01:03:01,407 --> 01:03:03,876 They catch it from bad food. It ain't good. 853 01:03:04,007 --> 01:03:07,204 - What did you give her for breakfast? - All them pilchards left over. 854 01:03:07,327 --> 01:03:08,476 (All) Ooh! 855 01:03:08,607 --> 01:03:13,602 That's it. If you ate Bikini's pilchards, you'd have ptomaine poisoning! 856 01:03:14,407 --> 01:03:16,523 Look out, 'ere she comes. 857 01:03:16,647 --> 01:03:20,845 Brother Walt reckons it's ptomaine poisoning after eating your pilchards. 858 01:03:20,967 --> 01:03:23,481 - Oh, he does, does he? - Ow! 859 01:03:24,567 --> 01:03:26,524 I reckon she's going off you, Walt! 860 01:03:26,647 --> 01:03:28,320 Ohh! 861 01:03:33,607 --> 01:03:35,086 (Grunting) 862 01:03:35,967 --> 01:03:40,006 I reckon somebody's about to become a father! 863 01:03:40,807 --> 01:03:43,401 Brother Willy, you're the pig-minder. 864 01:03:43,527 --> 01:03:46,201 Looks like you'll have to be the midwife as well. 865 01:03:46,327 --> 01:03:50,321 No. No, I can't do that. I've never been married or nothing. 866 01:03:50,447 --> 01:03:53,087 Yeah, but you've been to Blackpool, ain't ya? 867 01:03:53,207 --> 01:03:55,244 (Laughter) 868 01:03:55,367 --> 01:03:59,964 No. No, it ain't good. I have a sister who married a farmer in Castile. 869 01:04:00,087 --> 01:04:01,486 They have the piggies, 870 01:04:01,607 --> 01:04:04,360 but the mama pig never gives birth when the man is present. 871 01:04:04,487 --> 01:04:07,684 - Always you must have the lady. - We've got her. 872 01:04:07,807 --> 01:04:08,877 Yeah... 873 01:04:09,007 --> 01:04:11,726 No! I didn't want to be cook and I won't be a nurse! 874 01:04:11,847 --> 01:04:14,123 So you can send for your sister who married a farmer 875 01:04:14,247 --> 01:04:17,160 and lives in a castle and that's that! 876 01:04:17,287 --> 01:04:19,244 No, Bikini, don't mess about! 877 01:04:19,367 --> 01:04:23,122 You're the only one who can do it. Bikini! Bikini... 878 01:04:23,247 --> 01:04:26,797 - What's this turned up? A skirt? - Hello! 879 01:04:26,927 --> 01:04:30,158 Oh, yeah. That's all right. That's the one I told you about. 880 01:04:30,287 --> 01:04:32,085 That's Phineas's granddaughter. 881 01:04:32,207 --> 01:04:35,279 You never told us she was like this. It is good. 882 01:04:35,407 --> 01:04:38,160 - Yeah, she's very fair, ain't she? - Very fair. 883 01:04:38,287 --> 01:04:43,157 - That's what I said, didn't I? - I'll go and have a little chat with her. 884 01:04:43,287 --> 01:04:46,996 Yeah, I would if I was you before little old Specs gets in there. 885 01:04:48,287 --> 01:04:50,278 - Hello. - Hello. 886 01:04:52,167 --> 01:04:53,646 Oh... 887 01:04:54,887 --> 01:04:56,685 That's the Father Superior. 888 01:04:59,047 --> 01:05:02,756 - Your medical supplies from Granddad. - Oh, yeah. Thanks. 889 01:05:03,487 --> 01:05:05,364 (Grunting) 890 01:05:08,327 --> 01:05:12,116 - Is that Bertha? - Yeah, it's very serious. 891 01:05:18,967 --> 01:05:21,277 {Grunts more loudly) 892 01:05:25,207 --> 01:05:27,198 - You know what's the matter? - Yeah. 893 01:05:28,527 --> 01:05:32,077 - And you want me to look after her? - (All) Yeah. 894 01:05:33,287 --> 01:05:35,005 Right. 895 01:05:35,127 --> 01:05:37,437 (Laughter) 896 01:05:44,207 --> 01:05:46,517 What about your monastic duties? 897 01:05:46,647 --> 01:05:50,436 Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on, Brother Specs. Come on, you lot. 898 01:05:50,567 --> 01:05:53,958 - Let's get back to our monastic duties. - I wanted to watch it! 899 01:05:54,087 --> 01:05:57,967 This calls for a celebration, the pitter-patter of tiny trotters! 900 01:05:58,087 --> 01:06:00,761 - Lovely. - Let's have a light. 901 01:06:00,887 --> 01:06:03,447 - Blimey, the Montez diamonds! - Eh? 902 01:06:07,007 --> 01:06:11,399 - Me next. Oi, come on! - Hold on, I'll give you a light. 903 01:06:11,527 --> 01:06:13,757 Don't inhale. It ain't good, that. 904 01:06:13,887 --> 01:06:17,721 Let's give you a hand with this. It'll stunt your growth! 905 01:06:17,847 --> 01:06:20,566 What are you talkin' about? Get out of it, you. 906 01:06:36,567 --> 01:06:38,717 It's all right now, Brother Willy! 907 01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:54,326 Well, I... 908 01:06:55,167 --> 01:06:57,158 I'd better be going now. 909 01:06:59,087 --> 01:07:00,566 Oh... 910 01:07:03,607 --> 01:07:06,076 Granddad will wonder where I've got to. 911 01:07:06,207 --> 01:07:08,005 Oh, yes. 912 01:07:20,727 --> 01:07:23,162 80. 85. 90. 913 01:07:23,287 --> 01:07:25,801 95. A ton. Right? 914 01:07:25,927 --> 01:07:27,998 Qi! Oi! Now, listen. 915 01:07:28,127 --> 01:07:29,606 That's 100 pounds to win, 916 01:07:29,727 --> 01:07:32,321 Gorgeous Geoff, White City, Saturday night. You got it? 917 01:07:32,447 --> 01:07:35,007 - Right, I got it. - Good boy. 918 01:07:35,127 --> 01:07:36,561 ‘Ere! 919 01:07:36,687 --> 01:07:40,726 Phineas, don't make any mistakes. That could come to a lot of money. 920 01:07:40,847 --> 01:07:43,805 Leave it to me, Brother Squirts. I'll get it on for you. 921 01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:46,123 Don't forget, not a word to anybody. 922 01:07:46,247 --> 01:07:50,400 This is just between you and me and little Tosh here, right? 923 01:07:51,287 --> 01:07:54,245 Tight as a fish's gearbox and that's watertight. 924 01:07:54,367 --> 01:07:57,086 Yeah, fine. See you later. Come on. Come on, you. 925 01:08:14,127 --> 01:08:17,245 Stone the crows! A hundred quid to win? 926 01:08:17,367 --> 01:08:19,927 I think I better have five bob on this myself. 927 01:08:20,727 --> 01:08:24,197 That's a hundred pounds... 928 01:08:24,927 --> 01:08:27,646 and five shillings to win. 929 01:08:28,367 --> 01:08:30,483 You're having a go, Phineas. 930 01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:32,883 It's information. I know the owner. 931 01:08:33,007 --> 01:08:37,126 It's too big for me. I'll put it through to Newquay. 932 01:08:37,247 --> 01:08:40,717 - You'll get commission on that then? - Just a crust. 933 01:08:40,847 --> 01:08:43,680 This calls for you buying me a pint of rough. 934 01:08:43,807 --> 01:08:45,798 We ain't open yet. 935 01:08:46,567 --> 01:08:48,604 All right. Only drink it up quick! 936 01:08:48,727 --> 01:08:52,436 Wait a minute. A shilling in the pound? That's several crusts. 937 01:08:52,567 --> 01:08:54,797 Better make that a large whisky. 938 01:09:49,847 --> 01:09:51,838 Ah! Lovely. 939 01:09:59,527 --> 01:10:02,679 Tosh! Tosh! 940 01:10:02,807 --> 01:10:04,480 (Bleating) 941 01:10:04,607 --> 01:10:06,598 Oh, I'm sorry. 942 01:10:07,207 --> 01:10:09,676 Right, finished? Good boy. Come on. 943 01:10:09,807 --> 01:10:12,720 Come on. Come on, bedtime! 944 01:10:12,847 --> 01:10:14,326 Come on. 945 01:10:16,487 --> 01:10:20,367 Come on, lovely. If you get me up again in the middle of the night, 946 01:10:20,487 --> 01:10:23,957 I'll report you to the Father Superior. Did you hear what I said? 947 01:10:25,927 --> 01:10:28,646 Come on then, you great horned monster. 948 01:10:28,767 --> 01:10:30,565 Get in there. 949 01:10:31,647 --> 01:10:36,005 Right, come on, and no snoring. Understand? Good boy, good boy. 950 01:11:03,367 --> 01:11:05,677 {Knock at door) 951 01:11:10,447 --> 01:11:12,358 Go away! 952 01:11:12,487 --> 01:11:16,117 It's all right, Bikini. It's only me, Little Walter. 953 01:11:16,247 --> 01:11:19,160 I know it is. Go away! 954 01:11:19,647 --> 01:11:24,278 No, straight up, word of honour. I've brought you a present. 955 01:11:24,927 --> 01:11:28,363 Oh, leave off, Walter. I want to go to sleep! 956 01:11:28,487 --> 01:11:30,797 You'll like this. It's lovely. 957 01:11:34,607 --> 01:11:37,281 Come on, Bikini. Be a sport. 958 01:12:02,887 --> 01:12:05,117 (Wind howls) 959 01:12:09,287 --> 01:12:11,847 (Thunder rumbles) 960 01:12:19,487 --> 01:12:21,478 Look at that! 961 01:12:21,607 --> 01:12:24,247 That's the best pie I've ever seen in my life. 962 01:12:24,367 --> 01:12:27,564 - I bet it don't half taste good! - A right drop of gear! 963 01:12:27,687 --> 01:12:29,917 It has the smell of the pie that is real. 964 01:12:30,047 --> 01:12:33,403 You couldn't eat apple pie after that big breakfast. 965 01:12:33,527 --> 01:12:34,926 - Couldn't we? - Want a bet? 966 01:12:35,047 --> 01:12:38,483 - We could force ourselves. - Tosh is dying for a bit. 967 01:12:38,607 --> 01:12:41,679 Can't get any on the island. You know what I mean? 968 01:12:41,807 --> 01:12:44,765 Get out of it! He's got his horns in a terrible place. 969 01:12:46,807 --> 01:12:48,445 What's this? The breadline? 970 01:12:48,567 --> 01:12:51,878 Just cos you can't work outside don't mean you can't work inside. 971 01:12:52,007 --> 01:12:56,080 Dive down the crypt and get the wheels of industry turning! 972 01:12:56,207 --> 01:12:58,278 - A bit for Tosh. - You, too. 973 01:12:58,407 --> 01:13:00,284 - Lovely. - Come on. 974 01:13:03,487 --> 01:13:04,966 Where's my bit of pie then? 975 01:13:05,087 --> 01:13:07,920 I always thought you was a steak and chips man! 976 01:13:08,047 --> 01:13:10,436 Come on, whack us a piece of pie! 977 01:13:10,567 --> 01:13:13,036 Where's Willy? Hasn't he smelt the cooking? 978 01:13:13,167 --> 01:13:17,240 - I expect he's out feeding his animals. - When he comes in, send him down. 979 01:13:17,367 --> 01:13:20,997 Lorenzo's got enough on his plate and that boy's got a lot to learn yet. 980 01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:26,238 'Ere you are, din-dins! 981 01:13:27,807 --> 01:13:29,878 Come on, grub up! 982 01:13:33,287 --> 01:13:35,358 Nice and dry. 983 01:13:42,207 --> 01:13:44,801 I'm not surprised you don't feel so good. 984 01:13:44,927 --> 01:13:47,806 If you keep going out in the rain to feed that menagerie, 985 01:13:47,927 --> 01:13:52,239 you're going to feel a whole lot worse, a whole lot worse! 986 01:13:52,967 --> 01:13:55,766 Look at you, you're soaking wet! 987 01:13:55,887 --> 01:14:00,085 What do you do over there? Tell ‘em little bedtime stories? 988 01:14:00,207 --> 01:14:03,677 'Ere you are. Hold on, I've got a couple of tablets for you. 989 01:14:03,807 --> 01:14:06,606 - Thanks. - 'Ere you are. Take these. 990 01:14:09,647 --> 01:14:13,356 If you don't be careful, you're going to go down with the flu. 991 01:14:16,367 --> 01:14:19,519 Ta. I think I'll go and have a little lie-down. 992 01:14:30,327 --> 01:14:32,318 (Wind howls) 993 01:14:33,127 --> 01:14:35,118 (Crack of thunder) 994 01:14:38,927 --> 01:14:41,919 Looks like all our lovely veg will be washed away. 995 01:14:42,047 --> 01:14:45,085 The wind's playing marbles with the Brussels sprouts. 996 01:14:45,207 --> 01:14:47,084 - What's that? - Eggnog. 997 01:14:47,207 --> 01:14:50,882 Is that for me? Oh, that don't half get your back up! 998 01:14:51,007 --> 01:14:53,442 Give us a kiss, you luscious lump of monkhood! 999 01:14:53,567 --> 01:14:57,800 Oh, get out of it! This ain't for you. It's for Brother Willy. 1000 01:14:57,927 --> 01:15:01,124 For Willy? Eggnog? What's going on here? 1001 01:15:01,247 --> 01:15:03,841 He ain't well. He's gone to bed. 1002 01:15:03,967 --> 01:15:07,358 - That ain't like Willy. - I know. I'm worried, Walt. 1003 01:15:07,487 --> 01:15:10,286 Get through to the mainland and get a quack out here. 1004 01:15:10,407 --> 01:15:14,799 I can't. The lines blew down in the storm. I'll go and see how he's shaping. 1005 01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:18,318 Tell him I'll be down with his eggnog in a minute! 1006 01:15:18,447 --> 01:15:19,437 Right! 1007 01:15:20,167 --> 01:15:22,044 Look at that lot! Come on, lively now! 1008 01:15:22,167 --> 01:15:25,046 Get your skates on, Bikini! Look at that spread! 1009 01:15:25,167 --> 01:15:28,876 - Smashing, innit? - Here you are, Tosh. Come on, eat it up. 1010 01:15:29,007 --> 01:15:31,806 - Brothers, get stuck in. - We want you to serve it up. 1011 01:15:31,927 --> 01:15:36,398 I've got to take this down to Brother Willy. I think he's caught the flu. 1012 01:15:36,527 --> 01:15:40,122 Oh, dear. Fancy that, Brother Willy getting the stoodle-oo! 1013 01:15:40,247 --> 01:15:42,523 - Yeah. - Hey, it ain't good, that. 1014 01:15:42,647 --> 01:15:45,799 I have an uncle in Sevilla who get this stoodle-dee-do. 1015 01:15:45,927 --> 01:15:48,441 - What happened to him? - Nothing. 1016 01:15:48,567 --> 01:15:50,638 - (All) He died. - Ain't it grand? 1017 01:15:54,247 --> 01:15:55,965 He don't look none too good, Walt. 1018 01:15:56,087 --> 01:15:59,523 No. Don't he look hot? What do you make of it? 1019 01:15:59,647 --> 01:16:04,164 I don't know. If he'd been stabbed or sliced with a razor, I'd know what to do. 1020 01:16:04,287 --> 01:16:07,518 But these sort of things you pass over to the doc. 1021 01:16:07,647 --> 01:16:10,639 What was in the bag that old man's granddaughter brought over? 1022 01:16:10,767 --> 01:16:13,964 - That looked like a doctor's bag. - I wish it had been. 1023 01:16:14,087 --> 01:16:15,919 That was the Montez diamonds. 1024 01:16:16,047 --> 01:16:19,927 - How are you then, Willy boy? - He's very dodgy. 1025 01:16:20,047 --> 01:16:22,163 He does look a bit rough. 1026 01:16:22,287 --> 01:16:24,085 Let me see. 1027 01:16:25,327 --> 01:16:29,321 He's got very much fever. It is good we bathe his head in some cool water. 1028 01:16:29,447 --> 01:16:31,563 I'll get some. 1029 01:16:31,687 --> 01:16:33,644 What do you make of it, Lorenzo? 1030 01:16:33,767 --> 01:16:37,726 - He's very sick. It could be pneumonia. - Poor old Willy. 1031 01:16:38,647 --> 01:16:40,365 - You're joking! - Oh, rotten, innit? 1032 01:16:41,447 --> 01:16:45,361 He's probably been ill for several days. This may be the crisis. 1033 01:16:45,487 --> 01:16:48,798 If so, the few next hours could decide it. 1034 01:16:50,967 --> 01:16:54,039 Do you mean to say Willy might be saying "ta-ta"? 1035 01:16:54,167 --> 01:16:55,965 It's possible. 1036 01:16:56,087 --> 01:16:58,476 And him with that lovely poetry inside him. 1037 01:16:58,607 --> 01:17:00,883 There must be something we can do. 1038 01:17:01,007 --> 01:17:06,286 A few M&B tablets or one single injection would work miracles. 1039 01:17:06,407 --> 01:17:10,116 Without them, we can only hope for a miracle. 1040 01:17:10,247 --> 01:17:12,807 I could row across to the mainland and get 'em. 1041 01:17:12,927 --> 01:17:16,363 - I'll come with you. - In this sea, you'll never get across. 1042 01:17:16,487 --> 01:17:17,477 We could try. 1043 01:17:17,607 --> 01:17:21,601 Even if you did make it, it would probably be too late. 1044 01:17:21,727 --> 01:17:26,597 That's a nice thing, innit? You mean we've just got to wait here until he... 1045 01:17:26,727 --> 01:17:30,721 Don't say that. There must be something. 1046 01:17:30,847 --> 01:17:32,963 There's only one person who can help Willy now. 1047 01:17:33,087 --> 01:17:36,443 (Willy groans and whimpers) 1048 01:17:39,727 --> 01:17:41,764 You'll keep an eye on him, won't you, Lorenzo? 1049 01:17:41,887 --> 01:17:43,878 (Crack of thunder) 1050 01:17:53,687 --> 01:17:55,166 Well... 1051 01:17:56,527 --> 01:18:00,316 I'm Little Walter and I ain't too sure how to put this to you. 1052 01:18:02,247 --> 01:18:06,605 I won't tell you what sort of a fella I am cos I reckon you know that already. 1053 01:18:06,727 --> 01:18:10,880 Also, you'll know I ain't done too much of this sort of thing. 1054 01:18:12,527 --> 01:18:14,996 I come about young Willy. 1055 01:18:15,127 --> 01:18:18,199 He's out there on his Peter and can't make it himself. 1056 01:18:19,607 --> 01:18:24,556 Willy ain't a bad fella. He ain't never done any real bad villainy. 1057 01:18:24,687 --> 01:18:29,124 He's only our lookout man and sometimes does a bit of driving. 1058 01:18:29,247 --> 01:18:34,367 No, you couldn't take him on a job proper. He wouldn't know what it was all about. 1059 01:18:35,087 --> 01:18:39,126 He sort of fancies himself as a bit of a poet. 1060 01:18:40,767 --> 01:18:43,486 I've known him a long time now. 1061 01:18:43,607 --> 01:18:48,397 Ever since he was a nipper nicking poetry books off a stall in Petticoat Lane. 1062 01:18:50,647 --> 01:18:54,322 He never had any real people, not to speak of. 1063 01:18:54,447 --> 01:18:57,599 So I more or less took charge of him. 1064 01:18:59,287 --> 01:19:03,918 Everybody thinks the world of him. All the "ounds. Even the bogeys. 1065 01:19:05,887 --> 01:19:08,606 I reckon you'd like him as well if you knew him like we do. 1066 01:19:09,927 --> 01:19:11,406 Oh, well... 1067 01:19:12,167 --> 01:19:18,004 Now it looks as if he may be drifting on just cos we ain't got a few old tablets. 1068 01:19:18,127 --> 01:19:20,118 So I come to you. 1069 01:19:22,687 --> 01:19:24,678 I reckon that's all. 1070 01:19:26,167 --> 01:19:28,397 So do your best, will you? 1071 01:19:29,087 --> 01:19:31,078 He's a good Willy. 1072 01:19:57,087 --> 01:19:58,600 He... 1073 01:19:59,247 --> 01:20:04,037 He says if you don't send him something to eat, he'll come up and cook it himself! 1074 01:20:06,647 --> 01:20:08,638 Whee-ee! 1075 01:20:15,967 --> 01:20:19,358 You great, short-sighted nitwit! Look where you're going! 1076 01:20:19,487 --> 01:20:22,286 - It's Willy. He's all right! - Willy's what? 1077 01:20:22,407 --> 01:20:25,638 - I've got to tell the boys! - He's all right? He's all right? 1078 01:20:25,767 --> 01:20:27,758 - Yeah! - Oh! 1079 01:20:29,207 --> 01:20:31,084 Where is he? 1080 01:20:31,207 --> 01:20:35,519 Cor! What a right old Charlie you turned out to be, eh? 1081 01:20:35,647 --> 01:20:38,241 Well, well, well, you had us all fooled. 1082 01:20:38,367 --> 01:20:41,246 I thought we'd have an extra share to split up! 1083 01:20:41,367 --> 01:20:43,597 You don't think I'd leave you with those worries? 1084 01:20:43,727 --> 01:20:45,843 How are you feeling, Willy boy? 1085 01:20:45,967 --> 01:20:47,878 Fine, thanks to you lot. 1086 01:20:48,007 --> 01:20:51,045 It's Brother Lorenzo and Bikini you've got to thank. 1087 01:20:51,167 --> 01:20:52,726 They did the lion's share. 1088 01:20:52,847 --> 01:20:56,636 That old shamrock might have had a bit to do with it, that old monk. 1089 01:20:56,767 --> 01:20:59,566 He said a bit of him remains here on the island. 1090 01:21:03,847 --> 01:21:06,236 (PA) 'Here is the result of race number five. 1091 01:21:06,367 --> 01:21:12,158 'First, number six, Gorgeous Geoff, owned by Squirts McGinty..." 1092 01:21:12,287 --> 01:21:16,167 Pity old Squirts disappeared. That's four on the trot his dog's won. 1093 01:21:16,287 --> 01:21:20,281 Good job for me he did disappear. I've lost a fortune on it as it is. 1094 01:21:20,407 --> 01:21:24,241 Some lunatic in Newquay sticks 100 quid on it every time it runs. 1095 01:21:24,367 --> 01:21:27,405 - It's cost me over 1,300 nicker! - What's that? 1096 01:21:27,527 --> 01:21:29,723 - 1,300 nicker! - Someone in Newquay? 1097 01:21:29,847 --> 01:21:30,917 Yeah. Why? 1098 01:21:31,047 --> 01:21:33,516 Can you spare a minute? Come and have a drink. 1099 01:21:33,647 --> 01:21:36,036 All right. Take over, Charlie, will you? 1100 01:21:42,447 --> 01:21:45,246 - Lovely, eh? - I really enjoyed that. 1101 01:21:45,367 --> 01:21:47,597 I could eat this all day. 1102 01:21:49,567 --> 01:21:51,080 What's the matter, Brother Walt? 1103 01:21:51,207 --> 01:21:53,118 Ain't you gonna finish your Bomb Surprise? 1104 01:21:53,247 --> 01:21:55,807 - Me what? - Your duff. Ain't it nice? 1105 01:21:55,927 --> 01:21:59,761 It was marvellous. Wasn't it, lads? Marvellous! 1106 01:21:59,887 --> 01:22:03,403 - Ten out of ten for that. - Have a drop of brandy in the coffee. 1107 01:22:03,527 --> 01:22:06,201 - Here you are, Tosh. - Here you are, Willy. 1108 01:22:06,327 --> 01:22:08,477 - Brandy, Brother? - Yeah. Good. 1109 01:22:08,607 --> 01:22:12,760 Well, now that we're all here, I'd better tell you the good news. 1110 01:22:12,887 --> 01:22:16,243 The sentence is up with full remission for good behaviour. 1111 01:22:16,367 --> 01:22:17,960 Eh? 1112 01:22:18,087 --> 01:22:20,476 Back to civilisation! 1113 01:22:24,087 --> 01:22:26,397 Do you mean we're going to float off? 1114 01:22:26,527 --> 01:22:29,167 Lovely old London, the bright lights, 1115 01:22:29,287 --> 01:22:32,325 parties and excitement, the old razzamatazz. 1116 01:22:32,447 --> 01:22:35,883 I don't fancy that, Brother Walt. I'd crack up under all that. 1117 01:22:36,007 --> 01:22:40,956 Nah, I can't leave. I've got a whole field of curly greens coming up out there. 1118 01:22:41,087 --> 01:22:43,966 - They need me. - We mustn't leave now, Walt. 1119 01:22:44,687 --> 01:22:46,325 I'd miss the best of my rhubarb. 1120 01:22:46,447 --> 01:22:51,840 It ain't good. Any day, I shall present our cook with a genuine Spanish onion! 1121 01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:56,564 Is that right? Great! Now I'll be able to have a go at that potage flamboyant. 1122 01:22:56,687 --> 01:22:58,724 Oh, that'd be marvellous! 1123 01:22:58,847 --> 01:23:02,556 What's the matter with you lot? You all gone punchy or something? 1124 01:23:02,687 --> 01:23:07,079 I had to stick shooters up your backs to get you here. Now it's the place to be! 1125 01:23:07,207 --> 01:23:11,405 What's all this malarkey about curly greens and the best of the rhubarb? 1126 01:23:11,527 --> 01:23:14,679 With the vegetables we're taking back, we can live in the plush places. 1127 01:23:14,807 --> 01:23:20,166 I've got some good friends in the pig sty: Bertha and her little porkers. 1128 01:23:20,287 --> 01:23:22,278 Not to mention them down at the chicken run. 1129 01:23:22,407 --> 01:23:25,240 Yeah, and what about my cooking? 1130 01:23:25,367 --> 01:23:28,678 If you want to cook, I'll get you a job in Luigi's caff. 1131 01:23:28,807 --> 01:23:31,037 Your wages'll buy me cigars. 1132 01:23:31,167 --> 01:23:35,161 Listen, you, I want to cook the kind of fodder I want to cook! 1133 01:23:35,287 --> 01:23:38,917 I want me own pots and pans, me own stove! 1134 01:23:40,447 --> 01:23:42,677 I want my own kitchen! 1135 01:23:44,007 --> 01:23:45,441 Get on her! 1136 01:23:45,567 --> 01:23:48,685 She never knew chips was made from taters till she read that book on it! 1137 01:23:48,807 --> 01:23:53,643 I've got to go back and start dodging the traffic again? I feel safe out here. 1138 01:23:53,767 --> 01:23:57,726 You know what Oxford Street's like at Christmas time. I'd get done up in style! 1139 01:23:57,847 --> 01:23:59,804 At Christmas, you'll be loaded. 1140 01:23:59,927 --> 01:24:03,557 You can go anywhere you like: Monte Carlo, Cannes, Biarritzy, the lot! 1141 01:24:03,687 --> 01:24:06,076 We want to stay here, Brother Walt. 1142 01:24:06,207 --> 01:24:08,801 I'm the specialist again, the salad king. 1143 01:24:08,927 --> 01:24:11,237 The hands have come to terms with the spade. 1144 01:24:11,367 --> 01:24:16,362 The muscles have grown big with labour. And the mind is at peace. 1145 01:24:16,487 --> 01:24:19,445 He's right, Walt. It sort of gets you, don't it? 1146 01:24:19,567 --> 01:24:24,118 It's sort of got me. I like all this jazz. I'm definitely for staying on here. 1147 01:24:24,247 --> 01:24:26,204 Well, I say it's time to go. 1148 01:24:26,327 --> 01:24:30,161 This letter arrived on the first boat. It's from the real monks. 1149 01:24:30,287 --> 01:24:33,564 They want to pay us another visit. That would put the tin hat on it. 1150 01:24:33,687 --> 01:24:36,486 Next they'll want us to play "em at cricket! 1151 01:24:36,607 --> 01:24:39,440 You can't live a life of dodgement for ever. 1152 01:24:39,567 --> 01:24:44,004 Maybe we could've stayed as farmers, but it wouldn't have been safe. 1153 01:24:44,127 --> 01:24:45,640 Cos we was monks, we pulled it off! 1154 01:24:45,767 --> 01:24:49,123 Being a monk is good for me nerves. 1155 01:24:49,247 --> 01:24:51,318 I don't grab for me hat when there's a knock at the door! 1156 01:24:51,447 --> 01:24:55,759 You think I'll find it easy to leave? You think I ain't got no chinas down here? 1157 01:24:55,887 --> 01:25:00,597 What about my girls over the cowshed? They've grown to like their Uncle Walt. 1158 01:25:01,647 --> 01:25:03,718 You know the trouble with you lot? 1159 01:25:05,927 --> 01:25:09,045 You're forgetting that you're a band of hard nuts, 1160 01:25:09,167 --> 01:25:10,965 a team of villains. 1161 01:25:12,007 --> 01:25:15,637 You went out thieving instead of going to work. You stole what you wanted. 1162 01:25:15,767 --> 01:25:20,079 You've had high jinks, cut capers, had a right old time, but work? 1163 01:25:20,207 --> 01:25:22,596 You didn't want to know about that. 1164 01:25:23,727 --> 01:25:26,526 Well, now the twisters are twisted. 1165 01:25:26,647 --> 01:25:28,843 You want to work out here and can't. 1166 01:25:28,967 --> 01:25:31,766 You're crooked. You're bent. 1167 01:25:32,647 --> 01:25:33,717 You ain't welcome. 1168 01:25:36,007 --> 01:25:38,999 Yeah. They don't want to know us, do they? 1169 01:25:39,687 --> 01:25:41,564 We'll have to start hiding again. 1170 01:25:42,487 --> 01:25:44,922 Sf, si. It ain't good. 1171 01:25:45,047 --> 01:25:48,199 Oh, it ain't as bad as all that. 1172 01:25:48,327 --> 01:25:51,957 Ginzy's found us a drum in Ealing. Very remote and secluded. 1173 01:25:52,087 --> 01:25:55,398 We wait there till he settles all the deals, then we split up. 1174 01:25:55,527 --> 01:25:58,121 I reckon with nearly 30 grand apiece. 1175 01:25:58,247 --> 01:26:00,443 Yeah, I think you're right, Walt. 1176 01:26:00,567 --> 01:26:04,276 But I'd like to have known the name of them new apples I'm growing. 1177 01:26:11,247 --> 01:26:13,716 How much did you get? 300 apiece? 1178 01:26:13,847 --> 01:26:15,884 Good going, Ginzy! 1179 01:26:16,007 --> 01:26:19,841 That just leaves the last few bits and we'll bring them down with us. 1180 01:26:19,967 --> 01:26:23,244 Right. Get a few bottles of Scotch in for the boys 1181 01:26:23,367 --> 01:26:26,166 and we'll see you tomorrow night. Ta-ral 1182 01:26:27,207 --> 01:26:32,156 Now, then... Are they looking after you all right, Hornblower? 1183 01:26:32,287 --> 01:26:35,598 - Yes, sir. - Well, it's all over. 1184 01:26:35,727 --> 01:26:39,516 You've been a good lad, so here's a little bonus for you. 1185 01:26:40,647 --> 01:26:45,437 Cor! Thank you, sir. Will you not be coming this way again, sir? 1186 01:26:45,567 --> 01:26:49,800 Somehow I don't think so. But if we do, you're our lad. 1187 01:26:49,927 --> 01:26:53,682 - Been a pleasure to be of service... - There's just one more thing. 1188 01:26:53,807 --> 01:26:59,007 What would you say to your pretty little granddaughter marrying our Willy? 1189 01:26:59,127 --> 01:27:03,485 My little lobster marrying into one of your crowd? Stone the crows! 1190 01:27:03,607 --> 01:27:07,919 I'll go down with the ship before that happens. I'll have no crooks in my family! 1191 01:27:08,047 --> 01:27:10,357 - Leave off... - Put him in Willy's cell. 1192 01:27:10,487 --> 01:27:11,966 - Come on. - What are you doing? 1193 01:27:12,087 --> 01:27:15,967 I'll have the law on you! I'll call the coastguard! 1194 01:27:16,087 --> 01:27:18,601 The Lord Lieutenant'll hear about this! 1195 01:27:19,167 --> 01:27:21,761 - You'll look after him for me? - Yes, Father. 1196 01:27:21,887 --> 01:27:24,117 Good girl. Ah, here he is! 1197 01:27:24,247 --> 01:27:28,878 Going fishing, eh? Well, make sure you don't let this one get away. 1198 01:27:30,367 --> 01:27:33,883 Now mind how you go in that galleon of yours, Willy. 1199 01:27:50,807 --> 01:27:53,367 Ta-ra then. Ta-ra, Willy! 1200 01:27:54,287 --> 01:27:56,403 - Goodbye! - Goodbye, Father! 1201 01:27:56,527 --> 01:27:58,996 Ta-ra! Look after her! 1202 01:28:11,207 --> 01:28:14,438 Can't get these in the trunk, me old lovely. You'll have to wear ‘em. 1203 01:28:14,567 --> 01:28:16,922 "Me old lovely"? You snake in the grass! 1204 01:28:17,047 --> 01:28:19,402 - What's all this about? - I'll tell you! 1205 01:28:19,527 --> 01:28:23,407 It's about a little ceremony that you very conveniently forgot! 1206 01:28:23,527 --> 01:28:25,916 You must think I just got off the boat! 1207 01:28:26,047 --> 01:28:29,722 I'm beginning to see through you. Make no mistakes about it! 1208 01:28:29,847 --> 01:28:32,885 As soon as we get out of here and you grow some proper hair, 1209 01:28:33,007 --> 01:28:35,362 you're gonna marry me, Father Superior! 1210 01:28:35,487 --> 01:28:37,956 - 1am? - You am. I mean, you are. 1211 01:28:38,087 --> 01:28:42,320 I'm fed up with being one of the mob. You've had me dangling long enough! 1212 01:28:42,447 --> 01:28:46,122 Pull your darts out and tea for one! I'm telling you straight... 1213 01:28:46,247 --> 01:28:49,956 All right, if you say so, but don't do a Sarah Bernhardt on me! 1214 01:28:50,087 --> 01:28:51,566 All right. 1215 01:28:52,487 --> 01:28:55,525 All right? Oh, well then... 1216 01:28:55,647 --> 01:28:57,206 All right. 1217 01:28:57,327 --> 01:28:58,761 (Laughter) 1218 01:28:58,887 --> 01:29:00,798 What are you lot laughing at? 1219 01:29:00,927 --> 01:29:04,477 It won't be too bad. She can make a nice cup of tea. 1220 01:29:04,607 --> 01:29:07,804 Happens to the best of us, especially at your age. 1221 01:29:07,927 --> 01:29:11,841 That's right. So don't knock on our door with a safe you want opening! 1222 01:29:11,967 --> 01:29:15,323 From now on, he's going to be respectable. Ain't you? 1223 01:29:15,447 --> 01:29:17,358 - Yeah. - (Laughter) 1224 01:29:23,567 --> 01:29:25,558 (Brakes screech) 1225 01:29:27,087 --> 01:29:29,237 - Hey, which way to the pub? - Eh? 1226 01:29:29,367 --> 01:29:32,678 - The Ship. - Oh, up there and on the right. 1227 01:29:42,687 --> 01:29:46,317 Come on. Don't hang about. Get all this lot on the boat! 1228 01:29:46,447 --> 01:29:50,645 I only phoned a few bets through to Newquay. There's no law agin that. 1229 01:29:50,767 --> 01:29:54,761 - No law against taking bets in boozers? - I didn't say I took any bets. 1230 01:29:54,887 --> 01:29:56,366 Are you trying to kid me 1231 01:29:56,487 --> 01:29:59,684 you had a 100 pounds bet on a dog at the White City in London? 1232 01:29:59,807 --> 01:30:01,764 A bottle-opener in a nasty place like this? 1233 01:30:01,887 --> 01:30:06,563 - Well, Superintendent! - You do yourself a big favour, chummy. 1234 01:30:06,687 --> 01:30:08,803 You tell Mungo all about it. 1235 01:30:08,927 --> 01:30:12,443 I just put on a few bets for Phineas. That's all. 1236 01:30:12,567 --> 01:30:16,401 - Phineas? Don't give me no Phineas! - No, he's a fisherman. 1237 01:30:16,527 --> 01:30:18,803 Where will I find him now, immediately? 1238 01:30:18,927 --> 01:30:22,045 If he's not in his cottage, maybe he'll be on the island. 1239 01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:25,558 He does some fetching and carrying for the new monks. 1240 01:30:25,687 --> 01:30:27,485 New monks? What monks? 1241 01:30:37,607 --> 01:30:39,166 They're coming, Father. 1242 01:30:43,327 --> 01:30:46,957 - They're not wearing the habit. - I thought they might not be. 1243 01:30:47,087 --> 01:30:49,647 Do you know why Father Walter wanted us to meet him here? 1244 01:30:49,767 --> 01:30:53,806 No, he simply said it would be to our advantage. 1245 01:31:07,367 --> 01:31:09,199 May I extend greetings to you? 1246 01:31:09,327 --> 01:31:13,480 Father, I ain't got time to jabber. This is for you and the boys. 1247 01:31:13,607 --> 01:31:15,917 The best of luck and look after yourselves. 1248 01:31:22,887 --> 01:31:24,878 'Ere, cop this, son. 1249 01:31:34,647 --> 01:31:37,082 What are we going to do now, Walt? 1250 01:31:37,207 --> 01:31:40,245 Nothing, Specs. We ain't got nowhere to go. 1251 01:31:53,807 --> 01:31:56,401 Would you mind, Father? Thank you. 1252 01:31:57,887 --> 01:31:59,878 (Tosh bleats) 1253 01:32:02,527 --> 01:32:04,757 (Bleats loudly) 1254 01:32:24,807 --> 01:32:27,117 The deeds of the island. 1255 01:32:27,247 --> 01:32:30,319 Father Walter has given everything back to the Order.