[Barks]
(music) ["The Shaggy Dog" plays]
[Man] Go on, get out of here! Go on, get!
[Barks]
(music) [song continues]
[Narrator] This is a shaggy dog story.
It could’ve happened anywhere or to anyone.
It so happened that it happened to Wilson Daniels.
A man who loved people, but hated dogs.
Go on, get out of here. Get!
Go on, get out of here.
- Morning, dear. - Good morning, dear.
Blast!
Yes, dear?
Ridiculous! Of all the sickly sentimentality.
Giving a medal to a dog.
Don't get the paper in the butter, dear.
- Making a big hero out of him. - What did he do?
Dragged a baby from a burning building. Who couldn't do that?
Don't upset yourself, Wilson.
Dogs! Yapping and snapping at a man's heels.
Man's best friend. If I ever find the idiot who said that...
You must remember, sweet, that most people love dogs.
I suppose I'm a freak because I don't.
It's nothing to be ashamed of, dear.
Frankly, I think that dogs don't like mailmen because,
because sometimes they bring bad news.
Animals sense those things, you know.
Freeda, I am proud of the 20 years I've spent in the mail service.
Neither snow, rain, sleet nor dogs kept me from my appointed rounds,
but those blasted dogs tried!
You were very brave.
- Where are the boys? - They had breakfast early.
They're down in the cellar tinkering with something.
- What with this time? - I'm not sure.
Is there something called an "issle interceptor"?
"Issle interceptor?" You must mean "missile interceptor."
I've been thinking, as long as you're not taking a firm hand with Wilby,
- I've got to do something about it. - What do you mean, dear?
That mess he got us into last week.
- Which mess was that? - The one where he had the police
throw the new dean of the divinity school in jail as a public enemy.
Oh, well...
that was because of the picture on the bulletin board in the post office.
It did look a little like the new dean.
Now, what I propose to do about Wilby is...
Missile interceptor!
[Loud explosion]
Why is everything shaking?
Maybe you better switch it off, Wilby.
How can I switch it off? I haven't switched it on yet.
Maybe we better take it off the launching site.
Yeah, hurry!
Never mind, it's too late.
Get the upstairs area cleared. Hurry up!
[Explosions, rumbling]
Pop, could you and Mom go on outside now
and sort of hurry, please?
Well, save something!
- Moochie, where's Wilby? - He's still in the basement.
Come on, Wilby!
[Loud rumbling]
Well, I guess we've officially entered the rocket age, eh, Pop?
It'd be great to be up there riding it, wouldn't it, Pop?
I wish I was on it right now.
Wilson.
- Pop sure was sore. - Yeah, I know.
I always seem to rub him the wrong way.
Wilby?
- Pop, how'd you get up here? - I piled up some boxes.
Wilby, I'm sorry, but I want you to get rid of all that junk in the basement.
- All, sir? - All of it.
Dismantle the workshop, bury the chemicals,
- and give away those gadgets. - Yes, sir.
I want you to lose or give away all the mice, hamsters, bats, crickets,
bugs, snails and whatever plagues of mankind lurk down there.
Get off this roof, both of you, before you fall off and ruin the flower beds.
Be careful, Pop, those boxes look rickety.
Thank you, I'll do all right. Thank you.
[Crashing]
We better get down from here.
[Car horn beeps]
Hi, Allison.
That's old knothead for you. Always showing off.
The flowers! That's just what Pop said not to do.
- You all right, Wilby? - Sure, I'm fine.
Buzz, may I talk to you for a moment?
Excuse me.
- Look, Wilby, I'm in a hurry. - What about my seven bucks?
- What about it? - Cough it up.
Pop pulled the plug on my allowance.
Look, I'm sorry, but you know how it is, I got a date with Allison.
I'm sick and tired of financing your romances.
I'd like to take Allison out myself.
- You want a date with Allison? - Why not?
Wilby, have you ever taken a girl, any girl, out on a date?
Well... not exactly.
Now you want to move right in on the most popular girl in town?
Buzz, are we or are we not going to play tennis?
- Coming. Excuse me. - Just a minute, Buzz.
Great suffering cats.
[Speaks French]
What's she saying?
[Speaks French]
- What are you doing? - Having a look at the new neighbors.
They're moving into that gloomy old Coveny mansion.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Give me my glasses.
Who are they, anyway?
He's the new assistant curator at the county museum.
A man by the name of Andrassy. Dr. Mikhail Andrassy.
My reports aren't in yet.
But Murphy Jones who leased the place told me...
Don't tell me how you get your gossip. What else do you know?
Well, he's supposed to be a well-known art expert.
He spent some time in a prison camp after the war.
Reason, unknown.
He worked in the famous Uffizi museum in Florence, Italy.
There is a daughter, 17 years old.
Been studying art in Paris.
How dare they bring a camel into this neighborhood?
No!
- It's a dog! - [Barking]
A blasted, dreaded dog!
That is correct. One Bratislavian sheep dog.
It's supposed to be a very rare breed.
- I'm moving into the back bedroom. - Don't start falling apart.
You know very well that dog thing is all in your mind.
All in my mind? I itch, my sinuses are ballooning up,
my throat's constricting, so I can hardly breathe.
Those old Pekinese wounds on my ankle are throbbing like bongo drums.
It's all in my mind? Well, if you say so, OK.
Come along. Why don't you just lie down and rest for awhile?
[Dog barks]
Wait a minute, what about my seven bucks?
What do you know, I think he likes me.
That's his problem.
I'm interested in the mademoiselle who owns him.
You shouldn't be running across the street like that.
- Liable to be hurt. - By golly, you're right, Wilby.
I'll bet she's worried about him. I better take him back. Come on.
Wait just a minute, Buzz. This dog came to me.
All right, come along. Maybe ol' Buzz can teach you something.
All the nerve!
- Yes? - We brought back your dog.
The mademoiselle's dog.
[Speaks French]
Me bring dog you.
Him, me. We do this.
What is it, Francesca?
Chiffon ran away and these two nice Indian boys brought him back.
Indians? This far east?
We're not... We're not Indian. I didn't know you spoke English.
- But of course. - My daughter speaks seven languages.
How many do you speak?
My name is Francesca. And this is my father, Dr. Andrassy.
How do you do, gentlemen? Bring that over here, please.
I'm Buzz Miller. This is Wilby Daniels. He lives down the street.
Then we're neighbors. Won't you come in?
I'm afraid you'll have to excuse the house. We're just moving in.
[Whistles] Boy, look at all this stuff.
Some of it is stuff. But some of it's rather priceless.
Look, here's a Titiano.
A Tintoretto.
A Rodin and a Bernini.
This is a very fine piece. A Forzini. Early 16th century.
Probably worth $3,000 or $4,000.
I believe there's an El Greco over there in the music room.
That's another Tintoretto.
I better put it over here out of the way.
Look at that.
I've never seen Chiffon take such a fancy to anyone.
He sure is friendly.
- Who's she? - Lucrezia Borgia.
You remember the Borgias, of course.
Sure, who?
The Borgias were notorious during the Dark Ages in Italy.
Some people say the Borgia dabbled in black magic.
Black magic?
Hey! The dog in the picture is the same kind as this one.
Yes, a Bratislavian sheep dog.
The breed has mostly died out now.
Chiffon is one of the few left.
And it's very lonely for him.
Excuse me, Francesca.
Would you be good enough to take the Orsini artifacts
to Dr. Howard at the museum?
Certainly, father.
Why don't I drive you down there? My car's outside.
- Wait, we'll both take you. - I'll get my purse.
What's the big idea? I thought my driving made you nervous.
Look, the only thing about you that makes me nervous
is my seven dollars, if you know what I mean.
All right, Wilby, if you want to come along, glad to have you.
Thank you.
- What a sweet little museum. - It's not bad.
I've put in a lot of time around this place studying the arts.
Then how come you got lost getting here?
- Say, that's not a bad looking deal. - [Answers in French]
Personally, I go in for the old Egyptian stuff like that.
That figures.
Francesca?
Buzz?
Buzz!
Uh, uh!
[Laughs]
- You scared me. - You ought to be. Serves you right.
You shouldn't be wandering around until the exhibit is open.
I've worked nonstop to be ready.
I'm sorry, Prof. Plumcutt. I was looking for my friends.
You know me?
Why, of course! It's Wilby Daniels, isn't it?
Yes, I used to deliver your paper.
That's right. So you did.
Or did you? Come to think of it, I don't recall getting my papers lately.
No, sir. I gave up my route two years ago.
Oh.
That just goes to show how often I read the newspaper.
Nothing interesting happens to people these days.
Now in the delightfully evil days of the Borgias here
something interesting happened to people every day.
Yes, sir. I guess they did, sir. I'd better...
Wilby, do you realize this civilization knew all about sorcery?
Even about shape-shifting and the casting of spells.
What's shape-shifting?
Shape-shifting was the medieval art
of borrowing someone else's body to live in for awhile.
A most interesting practice.
You've heard about people being changed into cats, dogs
and other creatures, haven't you?
Professor, you don't believe in this stuff, do you?
Well, it may surprise you to hear, my boy, that I do.
Oh, I know people laugh at these things today.
But if they were honest, they'd admit that there are moments
on dark and lonely nights when something stirs within us.
And reawakens ancient fears and beliefs.
I'd better be going now. I have to find my friends.
Yes. Come in and see me again. Look out!
- Sorry. - No, no. It's all right.
Look, Wilby...
Run along now, will you? I'll take care of these.
- You're sure it's all right? - Yes, please. Please.
Well, they say it takes all kinds.
- Then it's a date? - It's a date.
Good deal.
I wonder what happened to Wilby.
Don't worry about knothead, he loves museums.
Bye now.
[Tires screeching]
Hi, Wilby.
Who gets the mice and the hamsters?
Pete Hammers, he always wanted 'em.
Mickey Warren gave me a buck for your chemistry stuff.
I promised to throw in Harry the Bat for free.
What about ol' Zachary here?
I couldn't unload him. Nobody wanted him.
Poor ol' Zach, I know just how you feel.
Come on, Wilby, quit feeling sorry for yourself.
Pop'll get over it.
Pop'll get over it, but I won't.
I'll still be the same mixed up guy I've always been.
All right, boys, time for bed. If you haven't finished, do it tomorrow.
Be right up, Pop.
- You coming, Wilby? - In a minute.
What the heck is this?
How do you suppose...
I know. It must've fallen in when I knocked over the professor's case.
"In canis corpore transmuto."
Sounds like Latin.
Wish I knew more than just first year Latin.
Canis, canis...
That's "dog." Dog.
"Into dog something," transmuto.
"In canis corpore transmuto."
It’s a transmuto and away we go
With the do-si-do
Wait a minute. What's going on here?
Stop! Wait, somebody, whoever you are.
I was just kidding!
Wilby.
Wilby, come on, now. It's getting late.
No!
Wilby.
- Yipe. - Wilby.
Oh.
Wilby. Come on up now. It's getting late.
OK, Pop.
You catching a cold? Your mother told you to wear a sweater down here.
Sweater? I've got a sweater.
Come on up now.
Oh, poor Pop.
This'll kill him.
What'll I do?
Gosh, what'll I do?
Professor Plumcutt! He'll know.
Now, to get by Pop.
[Hums]
[Wilby] Professor Plumcutt.
Hello, fella.
I've gotta talk to you.
You know, dogs are not allowed in here.
I'm not a dog. I'm Wilby Daniels.
Wilby Daniels.
Are you really?
Well, well.
I'm not surprised.
The very first time I saw you, I said to myself,
"That boy's a potential shape-shifter."
- Is that what happened to me? - Of course.
How on earth did you manage it?
I think this ring had something to do with it.
The Borgia ring.
Where did you find it? I've looked everywhere for it.
Well, uh, it fell in the cuff of my trousers.
Thank you very much for returning it.
It's a very rare and unusual ring.
Professor!
- What's the matter? - What about me?
What about you?
I don't want to be a dog.
- You don't? - No, of course not!
Can't you help me?
Yes, but how?
Apparently, you've become involved with some old spell cast upon this ring.
Probably by one of the Borgias.
It sounds just like them.
But how do I get out of it?
Don't ask me, my boy. How should I know?
There are all kinds of spells.
Some of them break themselves after awhile.
While others come and go like a headache.
- Come and go? - Yes.
Sometimes you'll be a dog, sometimes a boy.
For hours at a time, sometimes longer.
You never can tell, that's what makes it so interesting.
Well, how can I break the spell?
An act of heroism might break the spell.
Heroism?
Why, of course. Why didn't I think of it first!
Heroism has always been an important, a most potent factor,
in the breaking of spells.
- Do you remember the hound of Florence? - Hound of Florence? No, sir.
Well, it's the famous story of a young man who was changed into a dog,
just as you have been.
He was in love with a beautiful girl.
One night he got into a terrible fight defending her from an evil duke.
The duke grabbed a dagger and plunged it into the dog.
The dog fell to the ground.
As the poor little animal lay there with the dagger deep in his heart,
he suddenly changed back into a man again.
Dagger in the heart?
That'd kill me!
No, you don't grasp the point of the story.
What I was trying to say is that it is possible to break such a spell.
Now you must excuse me, please. I have work to do.
Isn't there anything I can do?
Yes, be happy.
And keep a stiff upper lip.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
[Radio] 1-L-2-9, Code 6. 1-A-7-9, over.
1-2-0-4-9, Roger. All units on one, stand by.
- Sorry. - That's all right.
- What'd you say? - Hmm?
- I said I'm sorry. - That's what I thought you said.
- Johnny. - What's the matter with you?
- You see a dog that was just there? - Yeah, why?
- Did you hear... - Hear what?
Forget it.
Forget it, I said.
All right, then. I'll forget it.
[Gargling]
[Toilet flushes]
[Wilson hums]
Wilby, Moochie, time to get up.
Be right with you, Pop.
Hey, Wilby, I had the funniest dream last night.
I dreamed that you were a dog.
[Wilby groaning]
Come on, Wilby, wake up.
It was the greatest dream.
You came in this room as a big ol' shaggy dog.
Hey, Wilby, wake up!
Oh, boy! How'd you get in here?
What'd you mean, how'd I get in here? I live here.
You talk just like Wilby.
I am Wilby.
No, you're a dog! Where are you going?
Dog?
Oh.
It can't be true. No!
Do you think Pop'll let me keep you, Wilby?
Shut up a minute, will ya? Let me think.
I'll be good to you. Honest, I will.
Boy, we'll have great times together.
Great times together? What are you talking about?
- Uh-oh. - What's the matter?
- I hope Pop won't shoot you. - Huh?
He swore the first time he caught a dog in this house...
[Wilson] You two better be up when I open that door!
Yipe. Here he comes.
Hurry, get under there. Come on.
All right, come on, you birds.
- Good morning, Pop. - Good morning.
- How are you this morning? - I'm very fine, thank you.
- Wilby. - Pop, listen to this.
[Plays harmonica]
Very nice. Now, stop playing it and get dressed.
But, Pop, I just learned it.
Very good. Now get dressed like I told you.
Wilby, I want you out of that bed, right now.
And you brush your teeth.
- That was a close one. - Don't worry, boy.
Gosh.
Why did this have to happen to me?
It's just terrific, Wilby.
How'd it happen?
I don't know exactly.
Remember? We were down in the basement last night.
Uh-huh.
- Morning, dear. - Good morning, dear.
Have you seen any dogs around here?
Of course not. They wouldn't dare.
Are my eyes getting puffy?
You've always had puffy eyes.
I know that. They just feel like they're getting puffier.
Freeda, if I thought for a moment...
- Freeda, I hope I can trust you. - What do you mean?
You're always telling me how much Moochie wants a dog.
Yes.
I know you two wouldn't gang up on me, but...
Sometimes I get the feeling you're not in sympathy with my problem.
Wilson, I think you'd better eat your eggs.
Did Prof. Plumcutt say you had to stay a dog all the time?
He didn't exactly know.
Gee, I hope so.
You what?
Gosh, Wilby. You know how much I always wanted to have a dog.
Well, I'm not going to be your dog.
I'll teach you all kinds of tricks.
How to sit up, beg, roll over and all that stuff.
- Cut it out, will you? - [Wilson] Boys.
You stay here. I'll tell him you're not hungry.
Hungry? I'm starved!
You like nice meaty bones?
You know what I like. Hurry!
Don't worry, boy. I'm gonna take good care of you.
Take care of me. Humph!
[Wilby] Psst.
Psst.
Pop?
What's this ad?
- Well, it's a sale on lawnmowers. - Interesting, isn't it?
Yes.
How did you get in here?
Shoo, shoo. Go home. Go home.
Don't you know it isn't safe for a dog in this house? Go!
- My toast. - Coming up. Shoo.
- Freeda. - Yes?
Is there a dog in the kitchen?
- A dog? - Yes, dog.
- D-O-G. - Dog.
What kind of a dog?
- That's all I wanted to know. - Pop!
- Where are you going? - To the hall closet.
- What for? - To get my shotgun.
- You can't shoot your own... - My own what?
- Your own neighbor's dog. - Can't I?
- Pop, you can't shoot that dog! - [Wilby] Oh!
[Gunshot]
Oh!
[Panting]
That's right! Run, you cowardly flea bag!
Next time you come on my property, I'll...
I'll... Well, I just will!
I just don't understand it. He's never stayed out all night before.
I'm sure he'll return for his meals.
If you'd watch him more carefully, these things wouldn't happen...
I'm sorry, mademoiselle.
There you are. Where have you been all night, you wretched beast!
Chiffon! Get down from there.
Chiffon, mon petit, I've been so worried about you.
What have you been up to, villain?
Now, you're all forgiven. Come on, how about some breakfast?
Well, since when do you eat at the table?
I'll get you some breakfast, come on.
[Doorbell rings]
Stefano, the door.
Yes?
Dr. Andrassy's expecting me. My name is Thurm.
Yes, Mr. Thurm, come in.
Please follow me.
What's the matter? I thought you were hungry.
Well, go on.
[Crunching]
Oh, no, you don't.
You get back in the kitchen.
- Stefano. - Mademoiselle?
Take Chiffon. See that he doesn't run away again.
- Do you understand? - Oui, mademoiselle.
You're always causing me trouble, aren't you?
Get in there. I don't have time to watch you every minute.
Now, let's see you get out of there.
It's me!
[Barks]
[Moochie] Here, Wilby!
Wilby. Here, Wilby.
Wilby.
Here, boy. [Whistles]
Here, Wilby.
Wilby. Here, boy.
Here, Wilby.
Here, boy. Here, Wilby.
- Wilby? - What do you think you're doing?
Aw, gee.
What's the matter?
You're not a dog anymore.
You were gonna put this dog collar on me, weren't you?
You don't have to get sore.
Forget it. I'm through with that dog business.
You sure?
No.
Where's Pop?
He's in there. Cleaning his gun.
Well, I guess I'll have to hide these for awhile.
- Did you wash your hands? - Yep.
Wilson, if you don't mind, we'll have dinner early tomorrow night.
We're all going to the country club dance.
- Is my good suit clean? - I had it done last week.
Wilby, why don't you take a girl to the dance?
Wilby? He's a little young for dating, isn't he?
Nonsense, just because you didn't go out with girls until you were 23.
That's not true. I was 20.
Besides, I was shy.
Well, Wilby can't exist in a vacuum.
Besides, you've already taken all his hobbies away from him.
I'd say it was a big jump from bird's eggs to girls.
There is nothing wrong with girls. They're character building.
Why don't you ask Allison to the dance?
Allison? Well, Buzz takes her to all the dances.
Oh. Then someone else.
There must be dozens of lovely girls who'd be delighted to go with you.
Why does he have to take a girl? Why can't he go with me?
That's a great idea, that is.
Honey, why don't you take that new girl down the street?
Dr. Andrassy's daughter?
Francesca? No, I wouldn't have a chance with her.
[Knocking]
See who that is, will you, Wilby?
Wilby, could I talk to you in private for a second?
You know, knothead... Wilby, you're the best friend I have.
Buzz, not a cent.
Now, I don't come to see you just when I need money.
All right, I'm sorry.
The point is, I do have a problem.
I'm supposed to take Allison to the country club dance.
I know.
I happened to mention the dance to Francesca.
You know how it is. She's a smooth worker.
Before I knew it, I asked her to go too.
Well, what do you want me to do?
All you have to do is come and make a foursome out of it.
You don't have to be with anybody.
I don't get you.
Don't you see I'll handle it, so both girls think they're with me.
Then everybody's happy.
I don't see how that makes me happy.
Sure you do, it's fun.
We're playing a harmless little joke on the girls.
What do you say?
Anything's better than going with my little brother.
I just don't see how it's going to work.
Well, you just come along and watch the old master at work, buddy pal.
Oh.
Say, I'll need gas for tomorrow night.
You don't happen to have a buck on you, do you?
- How nice you look, Wilby! - Thank you. So do you.
Thank you.
Don't bother getting out, Wilby. I'll get your date for you.
Imagine, taking the prettiest girl in town to the dance.
Well, you know...
Francesca certainly seems to find you attractive.
You really think so?
Of course, I'm not as sophisticated as she is,
but there is something about you lately. Something unusual.
[Door closes]
- You girls know one another. - Of course.
- Hello, Wilby. - Hi, Francesca.
I think you both better ride up front with me.
The wind in the back is murder on the hair.
You're so thoughtful, Buzz.
[Speaks French]
Sorry, I don't speak French.
Oh.
[Swing music plays]
Allison, will you do something for me?
What is it?
Well, you know, this is Wilby's first dress-up date, and he's scared stiff.
- Scared of what? - Francesca.
That's silly. She's his date, isn't she?
Sure, but you know how shy he is. Francesca's kind of spectacular.
- It's got him tied up in knots. - So?
I thought if you could dance the first dance with him...
You're old friends. It might break the ice for him.
Since when are you so concerned about Wilby?
I like to see everyone happy.
Thanks, Allison, you're a real doll.
Wilby, aren't you and Allison gonna have the first dance?
Sure, how 'bout it, Allison? Wanna dance?
Love to.
- Shall we? - Oui.
They're sweet together, aren't they?
- That's what makes it so tough. - What does?
Well, Wilby's got a tremendous crush on Allison.
Trouble is, he's so shy.
Allison goes more for the sophisticated type.
She can't see Wilby for sour apples.
Boy! He is very nice, isn't he?
Don't you worry, there's nothing you can do about it.
- Buzz, I have a rather amusing idea. - What's that?
Suppose I make a little fuss over Wilby and pretend to be interested in him.
What, you mean make Allison jealous?
- Oh, just a little bit. - Why, you're a genius.
I never would've thought of that in a million years.
Next number will be a ladies' tag dance.
Tag dance.
It's customary.
The custom, is it not?
- What's the big idea? - You told me to break the ice.
Fine, break it. Don't melt it.
Excuse me.
It's amazing.
All those pretty girls actually seem to enjoy dancing with Wilby.
Why not?
I'd have bet anything he was going to be the all American wallflower.
There are a lot of things about your son that you don't know.
The next number is a Paul Revere.
- Shall we, dear? - Love to!
Excuse us, Moochie.
No more cake, sweetheart.
Wilby!
- What's the big idea? - Get down!
- Don't give me trouble, Mooch. - You've got it. Look at yourself!
Oh, no! No!
Not here, not now, please!
Wilby, are you all right?
Oh, boy, you're a dog again!
What are you so happy about?
Gosh, Wilby.
You're a lot more fun as a dog than you are as my brother.
Shut up, and get me out of here.
OK, boy, I don't want anything to happen to you now.
[Whispers] Come on, sneak out that way.
Chiffon! What in the world is he doing here?
- Who? - Chiffon.
Chiffon!
- Get him, Buzz. - Oh, yeah.
[Screams]
There's that blasted dog again. Get away! What's he doing here?
- See you later, boy. - Look out!
Come here, you mangy mutt!
Come here.
Come on, Moochie. Time for bed, dear.
[Phone rings]
Hello? Wilby, where are you?
- Pop! - Just a minute. It's a little late.
- Isn't time you get home? - Is he all right?
Yes, he's all right.
We wondered where you went. I suppose you went chasing after the dog too.
Is it all right if you stay at Buzz' house?
- It's all right, Pop. - Yes, it's all right.
Hey, Kelly, got a dime for the phone?
Whoops. Sorry, Officer Hansen. Bye.
[Phone clinking]
Kelly, here's your dime. Can we go now?
- I thought you were calling home. - I changed my mind. Let's go.
- You said it was important. - I know what I said. It was a whim.
Sometimes I'm just full of little whims. Can we go now, please?
- But, you said... - Forget it, I said! Forget it.
All right, I'll forget it.
Don't bother, Buzz.
- Good night. I hope you find your dog. - Thank you, Allison. Good night.
Good night.
[Tires screeching]
In the words of your charming other date, don't bother!
- Wait, I can explain everything! - Good night.
Well, that's gratitude for you.
I beg your pardon?
Here I almost break my neck trying to catch that dog of yours.
He drags me all over a parking lot and you won't even listen to me.
So?
Besides that I have a very deep cut over my eye
and it'll probably be infected by the time I get home.
Oh, well. I guess I don't blame you.
Come on inside. I'll clean your scratch.
Now you're talking.
What the...
What a night!
- Is Chiffon here? - Yes, he just came home.
- He's in the kitchen. - I'm quite displeased with you.
I distinctly asked you to keep Chiffon locked up.
I did my best.
I left him in the kitchen, locked the doors, he escaped.
We won't discuss it now.
Please go and sit down. I want to check on Chiffon.
Will you forget about that mutt for once?
Like I said, it's Wilby's fault that I got into this mess.
- Wilby's? - Yeah, it's all his fault.
Because I have a soft heart. I was trying to do him a favor.
Ouch. That stings.
There, it's all done now.
Wilby didn't have enough nerve to get himself a date.
So, he cooked up this whole thing.
Why are you blaming this on Wilby?
Don't let him fool you. He's not as dumb as he looks.
Behind that simple face...
Well, I don't want to talk about my best friend like that.
Let's talk about us.
You know, Francesca, I've never met a girl like you.
No, I'm not kidding. There's something about you...
[barks loudly]
Chiffon!
There you are. What a bad dog you've been.
Running away again and scaring poor Francesca half to death.
Bad boy!
I sure hate to see you waste all that on a mutt.
Why?
What do you mean?
I mean, forget about tonight.
Forget Wilby and the whole mess.
Like I said before, let's talk about us.
You know, Francesca...
- the first time I saw you... - [dog growls]
I said to myself, "Buzz, there's just the girl for..."
[growling]
Does he have to keep looking at me like that?
Look, fella, I've had just about enough trouble for one night.
Now, beat it!
[Barks]
Would you get lost!
Buzz!
Hey, what's the big idea?
Get off, will you? Francesca!
Chiffon, stop it!
He flipped his lid.
Let go!
Get him off me.
What has got into you? Now stop it this instant.
I think you'd better leave, Buzz.
OK, I'm beginning to get the point. Your dog doesn't like me.
I'm sorry.
That's OK. I can find my own way out.
Bad dog you!
- Good night. - Good night.
You behaved very badly tonight, Chiffon. Buzz is really a nice boy.
A little, shall we say, conceited? Come on.
Yes?
- I just wanted to say good night. - Did you have a pleasant time?
Yes, thank you.
The odd thing was I found Chiffon at the dance.
Chiffon was there?
I don't understand how he keeps getting out of the house.
- May I leave him with you tonight? - Certainly, dear.
- I'm sure he won't get away from me. - [Doorbell rings]
- Good night, Francesca. - Good night.
Now you behave yourself!
You stupid, wonderful dog!
Thurm, what is the meaning of this?
You were asked not to come here at night.
It's most urgent, I dare not use the phone.
Is anything wrong at the missile plant?
On the contrary, good news. I've been transferred to section 32.
Section 32? Excellent!
With what I've given you, this should be all you need.
How soon can you get it here?
Taking all precautions, I'd say tomorrow night by 8:00.
That means that the complete mechanism
of the undersea hydrogen missile will be in our hands.
- Yes, sir. - Now we must get it out of the country.
Immediately!
Oh, no, you don't.
No, you don't, my friend.
You're not getting out of this house tonight.
All right, up on the couch. Up!
Good night, Thurm.
I'll expect you tomorrow night at 8:00.
I certainly would like to know what has gotten into you lately.
Spies!
I've got to tell somebody.
I've got to get out of here.
The laundry chute.
Well, here it goes.
Easy. Easy.
What'll I do now?
- [Moochie] Hi, Pop. - Wilby home yet?
No, sir.
What's this you're reading?
How To Train Your Dog?
Gosh, Pop. I thought some day you might change your mind about dogs.
Let me tell you something.
As long as I've got a mind, there'll never be a dog in this house.
How to train...
There.
Hey, Mooch.
- Is that you, Wilby? - Who'd you think it was?
Gosh, boy, I've been worried about you.
Will you stop patting me? I don't like it.
- Where you been? - We've gotta get some help and fast.
That house is full of spies.
Spies! Swell, that'll be fun playing.
This isn't a game. It's serious.
Aw, Wilby.
Listen, they're stealing something from the missile plant.
The missile plant?
I don't know what it is, exactly.
But they call it, uh, Section 32.
They're sending it out of the country tonight.
Wow! I'd better tell Pop.
- Pop? - Sure, he'll know what to do.
You just stay out of sight.
OK.
Pop, can I talk to you for a minute?
Certainly, what is it?
Will you please put down that paper? It's very urgent.
All right.
- I just found out something. - What did you find out?
You know those people down the street, Dr. Andrassy and them?
They're spies.
Spies, huh? Well.
Pop, I'm not kidding. They're stealing something from the missile plant.
Something called Section 32.
Section 32? That's very interesting.
But, Pop, you gotta believe me.
We gotta do something about it.
I'm surprised at you. I knew we had one woolly-headed son in this family...
Wilby isn't woolly-headed!
He's the one that heard 'em talking.
He's the one that heard it. That explains the whole thing.
Run along now, Moochie.
But, Pop, we can't just let 'em get away.
Run along.
Pop...
Moochie.
No hope.
I guess I'll have to give him the shock treatment.
Poor Pop.
Uh, where's the gun?
In the hall closet. I got the key.
Well, here goes.
Pop?
- Yes, Wilby. - I've got something to tell you.
But I'm afraid.
You never have to be afraid to talk to me, Wilby.
Maybe sometimes I'm a little impatient with you,
but that's because you're my son.
- I want you to be something special. - Yes, sir.
You just tell me what's troubling you.
I'm sure it can't be anything too serious.
Whatever it is, I promise you, I'll understand.
- Really, Pop? - You can bank on it, Wilby.
Shake on it?
Certainly I'll shake on it, Wilby.
- No! - Oh, that did it.
- [Wilson] Freeda! - Wilson?
- Freeda. - Wilson, is that you?
What are we gonna do now?
- We've got to get help. - Look!
[Wilby] The police.
I'd like to report some spies, please.
All right, what's the name?
Montgomery Daniels.
Daniels?
Any relation to that kid who tipped us off about that gangster last week?
Yes, sir. Wilby's my brother.
But he didn't know it was the new dean at the divinity college.
Remember, Kelly, last week when I used to be a sergeant?
No kidding, officer. We need help!
Who are you?
Wilby Daniels.
I knew it.
I knew it, first time that dog spoke to me.
- I said to my wife... - Easy, now. It's all right.
Probably some kid dressed up in a dog suit or something.
That's right, officer.
Sure! That's how he spied on the spies.
All right.
Take off the dog suit.
I can't, I don't have anything on underneath.
You see, Kelly, he can't.
- You ought to know that. - That's enough, you two.
Stop bothering Officer Hansen before we take you down to the station.
- Fine, let's go. - Yeah, let's go.
No, you don't. Not in this car.
But the spies!
I'm afraid they're gonna have to keep.
You see, there's a landing of invaders from Mars over by the stockyards.
I'm afraid we're going to get over there.
[Bell tolls]
Gosh, Wilby. 2:00.
We gotta think of something.
Yeah.
I got it!
Here you are, you miserable beast.
You can't take him. He's my...
Your what?
My pal.
This is the last time you'll ever get away, I can promise you that!
Come on, you devil.
Come along before I... Come on.
- No. - Wilson, Wilson?
Don't you dare move. I'll get the spirits of ammonia.
Pop! Pop! Snap out of it. We've got to get moving.
Oh, Moochie. Moochie...
Is it true about Wilby?
Did I see and hear what I thought I saw?
You sure did, Wilby's a dog now.
No.
My own boy. My own flesh and blood.
Somehow, some way, I failed him as a father.
How did it happen?
- I'll tell you later. Hurry. - Are we going somewhere?
Don't you understand? We gotta get help.
- We gotta stop those spies. - What spies?
Remember? I told you about 'em.
Spies! That's right, you did.
Don't worry about a thing. I'm in this with you all the way.
- Come on, we'll have to get some help. - Not that way! This way.
Wilson Daniels.
You close that door. You're not leaving this house.
Stay out of this. This is a job that calls for cool heads.
Here, this way.
Calm down, Mr. Daniels.
I just want to get this thing straight.
Oh.
Now, you say that this information came from your son.
Yes, my older son. He was right there and he heard them talking.
And they knew he was there?
I'm sure they knew he was there, but...
Doesn't that strike you as rather odd?
They'd speak of confidential matters in front of your son?
It's not odd at all, they probably didn't pay any attention to him.
You see, my son happens to be a dog.
Your son is a dog?
Yes. Don't get me wrong, he's not a dog all the time.
Just part of the time.
I see.
Well, uh, thank you for coming, Mr. Daniels.
- We'll look into it. - You don't believe me.
- Ow! - I'm sorry.
I don't have my shoes on.
- Don't you believe me? - Of course!
Aren't you gonna do something?
Well, we must proceed with caution, Mr. Daniels.
Dr. Andrassy is a well-respected man.
But you haven't got time for caution.
This thing that they stole is being shipped out of the country tonight.
I don't suppose you have any idea precisely what this thing may be.
No, I don't. All I know is that it's something called Section 32.
- Something like that. - Section 32?
- That's right. - Are you sure?
That's what the dog said... my son.
- Please sit down again. - Well, I should think so.
Now you still insist a dog told you about this?
Yes, why don't you ask my younger son, Moochie?
He's the dog's brother.
- Just now, it's you I'm interested in. - Me?
You don't think I had anything to do with this?
I came here in good faith. I told you a simple, straightforward story.
Just because my son happens to be a dog,
you look at me as though...
As though I had wheels in my head. Remember, I'm a government man myself.
We have the utmost respect
for the members of the United States Post Office Department.
I wonder if you'd mind repeating your story to one of my colleagues.
I'd be glad to. All I ask is that you gentlemen keep an open mind.
- You see, my side... - Not them.
Would you step into the hall with these gentlemen, please?
Well... yes.
Excuse me.
It's fantastic, but he knows about Section 32.
- How could he? - That's what I've got to find out.
Meantime, check every man, sketch and piece of equipment in that department.
- That'll take time. - Get moving.
All right, Mr. Daniels, this way, please.
- I think you'll like Dr. Galvin. - Doctor?
Oh, uh, it's a kind of honorary title.
Now, just a minute.
I've just returned from the museum. I have our plan worked out.
Come upstairs, I'll go over it with you.
Yes, sir.
- Is my daughter at home? - No, sir. Not yet.
- She went shopping. - Good.
The girl must know absolutely nothing of what's happening here.
I understand, sir.
As it is with matters coming to a head, I don't quite know what to do about her.
It is unfortunate she is your daughter. Otherwise the solution would be obvious.
In any case, Stefano, the problem is mine.
I'll decide what to do when the time comes.
This is a sketch of the packing case containing the small fossils.
Understand me clearly.
From here on, the slightest hitch will be disastrous.
You can depend on me.
When Thurm arrives with Section 32, take them to my office at the museum.
There you will find the packing case containing the Etruscan fossils.
Suppose the authorities open the case?
They may.
But I doubt they will tamper with a fragile, priceless collection
dispatched to such a distinguished man.
The packing case will be shipped on the midnight plane,
consigned ostensibly to the museum in Rome.
You mean Anders himself will pick up the shipment?
Silence!
You have instructions never to mention his name.
[Stefano] What harm can it do?
Save for the dog we are alone in the house.
Very well. Suppose we go over what you must do, point by point.
- What are you doing here? - Here?
Oh, here...
As a matter of fact, I'm glad you asked me.
I was wondering if you'd give Francesca a message for me.
There's going to be a barbecue at Dawson's Grove next Saturday.
I was thinking...
I know what you heard and I know how to make you forget.
- Not now! - What else can we do with him?
I said, not now! Tie him up and lock him in the dressing room.
[Doctor] You've gained access to certain secret information.
Now, fearful of the consequences,
you transfer the burden of guilt to your second self.
A submerged second identity, known only to you.
What second identity?
This is very important, Mr. Daniels.
Do you often visualize yourself as a dog?
- What? - Let's be honest.
Do you often stand in front of your shaving mirror
and instead of your own face, you see a shiny, moist, black shoe-button nose?
A strong intelligent head?
- No! - Excuse me, sir.
It's getting awfully late and Mom'll be worried about us.
I don't see any reason why you can't go.
- Good, I've had enough of this. - I was referring to the boy.
I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to remain a while longer, Mr. Daniels.
- Just a few more questions. - Why don't you ask him a few questions?
He knows more about this than I do. He'll say I'm telling the truth.
Perhaps we should question the boy.
There may be a hereditary factor present between father and son.
Can't it wait, sir? I ought to be going.
Yes, they say heredity sometimes plays a role in lycanthropy.
Who are you calling a liar?
Lycanthropy is the alleged practice
of turning humans into witches and werewolves.
Don't be ridiculous. My son isn't any werewolf.
He's just a big, baggy stupid-looking shaggy dog.
Pop, I'm worried about Wilby.
- He may be in trouble. - What do you think I'm in?
Now, just a few questions, my lad.
It won't be any good, sir. I don't know anything about all this.
Moochie!
What did you say?
I said I don't know anything, and I'd like to go home, please.
Moochie!
Then, you don't believe your brother is a dog?
Gosh, sir, would you?
Moochie!
Your father made up this entire story about the dog, it was his idea?
Pop's a great storyteller.
Kids come from all around just to hear him.
Moochie!
Sorry, Pop. I had to do it.
Betts, I'm letting the boy go.
Please see that he gets home in a company car.
- Yes, sir. - All right, son.
Moochie.
You go back to my office and Mr. Betts will take care of you. Go ahead.
Moochie.
- May I, Doctor? - Of course.
Now, Mr. Daniels, we've had our little joke about the dog,
suppose we get down to cases.
I want to know just how, when and where
you found out about Section 32.
[Bell tolls]
- Did you get it? - Yes, I have it.
- Section 32, complete. - Good.
[Thurm] We're in trouble.
- Something's gone wrong at the plant. - What do you mean?
An investigation, my name came up.
- I had to answer ticklish questions. - You knew the right answers, I trust?
Of course, but I didn't the sound of 'em.
I'm not sure that I wasn't followed here.
We'll have to use the emergency plan.
The other is too risky now. What about the boat?
It's tied up at Walker's Dock, ready to go.
Bring the sedan around.
What about the boy?
We'll be out of the country before they find him.
[Andrassy] I don't understand what went wrong.
You're sure that...
Yes? What do you want?
I wanted to say I'm going out with Buzz Miller.
I'm sorry, but I've been called away for a few days
and I would like you to come with me.
Isn't this rather short notice?
Where are we going?
I have no time for questions. Get ready.
If you don't mind, I'd prefer to stay here.
You'll do as I say!
What is this?
Francesca...
you're an intelligent girl.
I don't believe I have to make any needless threats.
Take her to her room. See that she takes what she needs.
Hurry.
- Here you are, son. - Thank you very much, sir.
We don't want to attract attention. Drive at a normal speed.
Wilby. Here, Wilby!
[Whistles] Wilby!
Wilby. Here, Wilby.
Wilby!
[Whistles]
Here, Wilby.
Wilby.
In here, Moochie! In here!
Wilby, what's going on?
Come on, they're getting away.
They're heading for Walker's Dock.
Hey, look out!
Some day I'm gonna murder that dog.
Hey, you mangy cur, come back with my car.
Wait, stop!
Officer!
Officer, get him! Get him.
That shaggy dog just stole my car.
Shaggy dog?
It's no use, Kelly.
I've just gotta face it. I gotta face it.
Follow that dog!
Hey, wait!
- Wait for us! - Never mind, Buzz, here comes my pop.
Pop! Pop!
- Follow that police car. - Don't you ever speak to me again.
Come on, you can't let him get away.
You don't know what you're asking me.
You know what I've gone through for the last two hours?
- It's my car. - I'm not a well man.
Chicken!
Patrol car 12, Hansen, code 22.
We are pursuing a stolen car headed west on Highway 16
at high rate of speed.
Request other police units be notified.
Repeat, patrol car 12,
we are pursuing a stolen car
traveling west on Highway 16. Description of suspect as follows:
Large shaggy dog.
Color, dirty white, brown patches. Breed, unknown.
Have him repeat that description.
Car 12, repeat description of suspect, over.
Repeat description of suspect as follows:
Large shaggy dog. Color, dirty white with brown patches.
Hansen, this is Captain Scanlon. What's the matter with you?
Patrol car 12, Hansen, we are pursuing stolen car.
Suspect identified as large, shaggy dog.
Out.
Hansen, Hansen. Answer me!
Answer me!
[Switches radio off]
Hansen! Hansen!
Do you hear me? Report in here immediately. Hansen!
Patrol car 7. Patrol car 7.
Mercer, are you there?
Patrol car 7, Mercer, over.
Mercer, there are two loonies by the name of Hansen and Kelly,
masquerading as police officers.
They're headed your way.
Pick 'em up and bring 'em in here immediately. Over!
Patrol car 7, Mercer. Message clear. Acknowledge and out.
Poor ol' Hansen.
There he is!
Now, get out of there!
No, you don't. Come here.
Over here.
Bend over that hood.
Hansen!
What are you...
Well, it's possible!
Isn't it?
- [Dog growls] - Look out!
Ouch!
- [Hansen] He bit me. - I don't see anything.
[Gunshot]
No, Kelly! That's our car!
We're being followed. Open it up.
That wasn't Hansen!
Patrol car 7, Mercer.
Request additional instructions, over.
You've got your instructions. Bring in Hansen and Kelly.
Report mobile unit assigned to Hansen and Kelly
passed this point a moment ago.
[Mercer] Officers Hansen and Kelly were not in it.
Really? May I ask who was in it?
[Mercer] A large shaggy dog, sir.
Description as follows:
Color, dirty white with brown patches.
Was driving the mobile...
Would you have them send my car around, please?
That is, unless it's been stolen by a purple kangaroo
- wearing a checkered vest. - Yes, sir.
- Wearing a checkered vest. - Yes, sir.
No! No!
No, no, no, you idiots!
- No! No! - Well, well...
If it isn't Hot Rod Hansen speeding! And you who used to be a sergeant.
All right, Mercer, very cute.
- Come on. - Sorry, we're to bring you in.
In? I can't go back without that dog.
Sorry, I got the word from Scanlon, loud and clear.
Please, for the love of a fellow officer.
We were rookies together.
I married your sister, Felice.
I loaned you my dress uniform for the Shriner's convention.
Ed, don't these things mean anything to you?
All right, I'll take a chance, Hansen.
You just better pray you know what you're doing.
[Andrassy] Cast off!
[Growling]
[Shouting]
Get down from there!
Chiffon, let go of me!
You devil you, I'll fix you.
No! Chiffon, look out!
Look out.
- Stop it, you... - Chiffon, stop it!
[Screams]
Mercer, call the harbor police. Have them stop that boat!
Ow!
- What's the matter? - Go ahead.
I'm all right. I've just broken my foot.
Did they get away?
Where's Wilby?
Apprehend 32-foot speed cruiser headed towards Gilly's Point. Over.
You all right?
Buzz.
There, there, now. Everything's under control.
How in the world did you get here?
The last thing I remember, Chiffon...
Don't worry your pretty little head. OI' Buzz got here in the nick of time.
- But, Buzz... - Don't thank me. It's nothing.
Nothing at all.
[Growls and barks]
What's the matter with you?
Let go of me.
Wait a minute! I didn't do anything.
Look out, will you?
Chiffon! Let go, you silly mutt!
Mutt. Ouch.
Stop it. Cut it out.
That's the man, Captain. That's him.
No, no. I'm innocent.
No, no.
I'm innocent.
Look, I'll... I haven't done anything wrong.
I'll explain the whole thing again. You see, my boy is a dog...
[growling]
Saved her in the nick of time? A great big hero, are you?
- Wilby! - Good ol' Buzz?
Right in the nick of time, are you? The great big hero, eh?
Wilby! Will you lay off?
I don't know what you're talking about.
[Wilby] Don't know what I'm talking about. I bet you don't!
Chiffon, it was you!
You saved my life.
Wonderful, beautiful dog.
My hero.
Over here with that. You're in the way. You mind?
- No, not at all. - Thank you. Now let's...
This stuff'll clutter up the picture. Here. Mind holding these, please?
Thank you very much. Now...
Ed, get ready for a picture.
A picture for our Sunday follow-up story.
A human interest angle.
How your love for dogs made this whole thrilling thing possible.
Fine.
Mr. Daniels, If you'll sit on the arm of the chair.
All right, boy, up in the chair.
Now, just a minute!
I will not have that dog on my good chair with his dusty feet.
Oh, don't worry about it, honey.
A dog can't hurt anything.
How 'bout me with my arm around him like this?
Fine.
This all right?
That's fine. Now, how about one with your son?
Why not?
Come here, son. Not you, the little fella.
Come on, Wilby, let's talk a walk.
You stay just like that. Good. Mr. Daniels, you be looking at your son.
That's fine.
Anyway, sure was nice of Francesca to give us the dog.
That old house is sure gonna seem empty with her gone back to Paris.
Yeah. Swell girl.
Oh well, I guess it's all for the best.
I was getting tired of all that French lingo anyway.
Wanna know something else? I don't think we've been fair to Allison.
She's a swell girl, too.
Yeah. Good sport, real good sport.
Anyone else might've gotten sore.
Hi, Allison!
[Horn honking]
You know them?
Oh, just a couple of neighborhood children.
[Car zooms off]
- Let's get the medal in this picture. - Medal? What medal?
Valor award?
Well!
No, no, no, Mr. Daniels. The medal is for the dog.
Oh.
- There. - That's good!
Well, I finally got a dog.
What do you mean, you got a dog?
We've got a dog.
[Barking]
{{{THE END}}}