1 00:01:36,141 --> 00:01:40,977 Ladies and gentlemen, the makers of this picture... 2 00:01:41,246 --> 00:01:46,583 ...ask you not to divulge what you're about to see. Thank you. 3 00:01:46,819 --> 00:01:49,880 We take you to the duchy of Grand Fenwick... 4 00:01:50,089 --> 00:01:53,184 ...the smallest country on the globe. 5 00:01:54,259 --> 00:01:59,755 This tiny but prosperous nation of 153/4 square miles... 6 00:01:59,999 --> 00:02:05,097 ...lies high in the French Alps, somewhere along... 7 00:02:05,904 --> 00:02:08,430 I beg your pardon. 8 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,033 Somewhere along... 9 00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:14,280 Oh, yes, here. 10 00:02:15,414 --> 00:02:19,852 Grand Fenwick was founded in 1430 by Sir Roger Fenwick... 11 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:25,719 ...a British baronet who took a fancy to the neighborhood and moved in. 12 00:02:25,958 --> 00:02:31,363 Thus, Fenwick is the only English-speaking country in Europe. 13 00:02:36,502 --> 00:02:39,631 Fenwick is ruled by Duchess Gloriana XII... 14 00:02:39,872 --> 00:02:44,640 ...a direct descendant of Sir Roger and beloved by all her subjects. 15 00:02:44,877 --> 00:02:49,508 Though still in mourning for Count Leopold of Bosnia-Herzegovina... 16 00:02:49,715 --> 00:02:52,651 ...who disappeared during a hunt 27 years ago... 17 00:02:52,851 --> 00:02:56,652 ...she takes an active interest in her country's welfare. 18 00:02:57,589 --> 00:02:59,717 Fenwick's parliament. 19 00:02:59,992 --> 00:03:03,827 Here's the Prime Minister, Count Rupert of Mountjoy... 20 00:03:04,063 --> 00:03:06,589 ...a graduate of Oxford and Cambridge. 21 00:03:07,332 --> 00:03:08,732 Fenwick's forest. 22 00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:14,565 In these sheltered glades, the welfare of its feathered and furry folk... 23 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:18,277 ...is watched over by forest ranger Tully Bascombe. 24 00:03:27,519 --> 00:03:29,249 Fenwick's army. 25 00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:34,858 Although at peace for 500 years, the Longbow remains the national weapon. 26 00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:38,690 Here, the army exercises under Tully Bascombe... 27 00:03:38,897 --> 00:03:42,698 ...hereditary field marshal and grand constable. 28 00:03:42,935 --> 00:03:44,995 Aim... 29 00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:48,433 ...fire! 30 00:03:57,549 --> 00:04:02,078 If many Fenwickians resemble each other, this may be ascribed... 31 00:04:02,287 --> 00:04:07,089 ...to the founder, who was in every way, the father of his country. 32 00:04:07,459 --> 00:04:12,056 Prosperity is based on the only export: Pinot Grand Fenwick. 33 00:04:12,765 --> 00:04:17,226 A small, sturdy local wine with a virile but friendly bouquet. 34 00:04:17,469 --> 00:04:23,136 For some reason the U.S. has always been the major market for it. 35 00:04:23,742 --> 00:04:28,442 Thus, secure in prosperity and invigorated by its alpine climate... 36 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,912 ...Fenwick has always been a happy country. 37 00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:42,126 However, in 1959 a California winegrower... 38 00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:45,661 ...bottled an imitation of Pinot Grand Fenwick... 39 00:04:45,864 --> 00:04:48,857 ...and called it "Pinot Grand Enwick." 40 00:04:49,134 --> 00:04:53,367 Backed by vast advertising and sold at a lower price... 41 00:04:53,605 --> 00:04:58,634 ...this imitation drove Pinot Fenwick out of the American market. 42 00:04:58,877 --> 00:05:00,937 As a result, in a short time... 43 00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:04,947 ...the duchy of Grand Fenwick was in a state of crisis. 44 00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:07,779 One fateful day... 45 00:05:13,192 --> 00:05:16,321 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 46 00:05:17,863 --> 00:05:19,889 Gentlemen! 47 00:05:20,165 --> 00:05:21,599 Pray, silence! 48 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:27,296 - You made me drop a stitch. - Your pardon, Your Grace. 49 00:05:27,539 --> 00:05:30,873 Can't we send a protest to the U.S... 50 00:05:31,109 --> 00:05:33,874 ...about this imitation wine? 51 00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:39,414 I've sent not one protest, but three. But it's complicated by the fact... 52 00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:42,849 ...that we've never officially recognized the U.S. 53 00:05:43,121 --> 00:05:47,058 So we've had to send them through Monte Carlo. 54 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:50,388 The truth is, each protest has been ignored. 55 00:05:50,629 --> 00:05:54,327 - Until today, when I received this. - What is it, Bobo? 56 00:05:54,566 --> 00:05:58,333 A pamphlet on how to grow grapes for wine. 57 00:05:58,570 --> 00:06:01,904 - We'll be bankrupt! - We are bankrupt. 58 00:06:02,174 --> 00:06:05,008 As of today, we're living on petty cash. 59 00:06:05,244 --> 00:06:09,272 Good heavens. If only poor Leopold were alive today. 60 00:06:13,752 --> 00:06:17,154 Your Grace, gentlemen... 61 00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:22,885 ...our situation is indeed desperate. We are on the brink of disaster. 62 00:06:23,161 --> 00:06:28,566 There is only one way up: War! We must declare war on the United States. 63 00:06:29,768 --> 00:06:34,263 - We can never win such a war! - No, but we could win the peace. 64 00:06:34,740 --> 00:06:38,905 I've given this a lot of thought and I'm positive I'm right. 65 00:06:39,111 --> 00:06:41,945 Remember, Americans are a strange people. 66 00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:47,278 Most countries rarely forgive anything, but Americans forgive everything. 67 00:06:47,552 --> 00:06:50,579 There isn't a more profitable undertaking... 68 00:06:50,789 --> 00:06:54,453 ...than to declare war on the U.S. and be defeated. 69 00:06:54,693 --> 00:06:55,786 True. 70 00:06:55,994 --> 00:07:01,297 No sooner is the enemy defeated than America pours in food, clothing... 71 00:07:01,566 --> 00:07:05,230 ...and lots of money for the relief of its former enemies. 72 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:10,204 In effect, we declare war on Monday, we're defeated on Tuesday... 73 00:07:10,442 --> 00:07:14,072 ...and by Friday, rehabilitated beyond our dreams. 74 00:07:14,313 --> 00:07:17,909 - But is that honest, Bobo? - Not really. 75 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:21,746 But it's terribly practical and infallible. 76 00:07:21,987 --> 00:07:26,118 I give you my word. It will solve all our problems. 77 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,849 But we have no army. 78 00:07:28,093 --> 00:07:31,120 Who needs one? 20 men or so is sufficient. 79 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,991 Who'll lead them? 80 00:07:33,265 --> 00:07:37,430 Tully, of course. He's our hereditary field marshal. 81 00:07:37,669 --> 00:07:40,468 Not Tully. Well, he's a nice boy... 82 00:07:40,739 --> 00:07:43,538 ...but he's never been good at games. 83 00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:47,439 Exactly. You can't send him on a mission like this. 84 00:07:47,679 --> 00:07:52,640 He's got fallen arches, flat feet, sinus, migraine and claustrophobia. 85 00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:56,651 Apart from being nearsighted and dizzy in high places. 86 00:07:56,855 --> 00:08:02,192 He won't have to climb the Alps, just get the men over there. 87 00:08:02,461 --> 00:08:07,661 Once they try to land in New York without visas, they'll be arrested. 88 00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:10,368 That's all there is to it. 89 00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:12,367 I don't want anyone hurt. 90 00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:18,406 I'll tell Tully to be very careful. We can send Will Buckley with him. 91 00:08:18,677 --> 00:08:23,274 He was a sergeant in the British army. He can act as interpreter. 92 00:08:24,049 --> 00:08:27,281 Well, gentlemen, there's only one way. 93 00:08:27,519 --> 00:08:29,420 We have but one choice. 94 00:08:29,688 --> 00:08:33,386 Bankruptcy or prosperity. Which will it be? 95 00:08:33,658 --> 00:08:36,890 I move we declare war on the United States. 96 00:08:37,329 --> 00:08:40,527 As leader of the Party of the Common Man... 97 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:44,930 ...I say war is reprehensible, barbaric and unthinkable! 98 00:08:45,203 --> 00:08:48,196 And I second the motion. 99 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:58,042 Well, we're at war with America. 100 00:08:58,316 --> 00:09:00,911 Well done. An historic moment. 101 00:09:01,119 --> 00:09:04,248 And a profitable one too, I hope. 102 00:09:04,756 --> 00:09:09,353 Take this to the post office and get it in the post immediately. 103 00:09:09,594 --> 00:09:11,961 Certainly, sir. 104 00:09:12,697 --> 00:09:15,531 And put a special delivery stamp on it. 105 00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:18,032 At once, sir. 106 00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:22,400 - The die is cast. - But our cause is just. 107 00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:24,701 - Time and tide. - To be or not to be. 108 00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:26,776 That is the question. 109 00:09:26,978 --> 00:09:31,973 - Our country, right or wrong. - Right. We'll drink to that. 110 00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:36,149 To our glorious defeat. 111 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:43,592 Oh, Tully. 112 00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:45,455 What do you want? 113 00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:50,168 About this war. I'd sooner not go, if you know what I mean. 114 00:09:50,435 --> 00:09:53,667 I don't know what you mean. I'm surprised at you. 115 00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:56,602 - You know we need the money. - I know. 116 00:09:56,875 --> 00:10:01,108 But I don't like to leave the forest now. It's mating season. 117 00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:06,181 This is bigger than the mating season! This is your country calling. 118 00:10:06,418 --> 00:10:10,150 - Run along and get your army together. - All right. 119 00:10:10,422 --> 00:10:14,189 - And don't make the Americans angry. - I'll be careful. 120 00:10:14,426 --> 00:10:17,692 You'll enjoy every moment. It's great sport. 121 00:10:17,963 --> 00:10:20,933 The ocean voyage will do wonders for you. 122 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:22,498 I get seasick. 123 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:28,536 With new stabilizers, modern ocean liners are as steady as rowboats. 124 00:10:28,807 --> 00:10:32,005 - I get seasick in rowboats. - Tully, please. 125 00:10:43,021 --> 00:10:46,219 - There you are. A pretty good turnout. - Yes. 126 00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:50,623 I don't think they'll want to go with the harvest coming. 127 00:10:50,829 --> 00:10:54,425 I'll have to appeal to their patriotism. 128 00:10:54,799 --> 00:10:56,825 Men of Fenwick! 129 00:10:57,202 --> 00:10:59,797 - Do you love your country? - Yes! 130 00:11:00,005 --> 00:11:01,564 When you hear its name... 131 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,232 - ...do your hearts swell with pride? - Yes! 132 00:11:04,442 --> 00:11:07,708 - If the country calls, will you enlist? - No! 133 00:11:09,714 --> 00:11:14,448 - I don't think I'm very good at this. - Better leave it to me. 134 00:11:14,686 --> 00:11:19,386 Now, men, I want 20 volunteers. 135 00:11:20,892 --> 00:11:24,590 Form up in ranks! At the double! 136 00:11:24,863 --> 00:11:26,559 And stand still! 137 00:11:27,365 --> 00:11:29,732 Men, here is the situation. 138 00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:31,833 We're at war. 139 00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:35,563 - We're going to invade the U.S. - Good luck, mate! 140 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,208 If you'll let me explain how the situation... 141 00:11:39,477 --> 00:11:42,538 I told you with the harvest they wouldn't go. 142 00:11:42,747 --> 00:11:44,409 I'll give them harvest. 143 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,278 Fall in! 144 00:12:28,293 --> 00:12:31,263 Men of Grand Fenwick, have no fear. 145 00:12:31,796 --> 00:12:36,257 Providence will smile upon you because your cause is just. 146 00:12:36,534 --> 00:12:41,131 I know that you will all uphold the honor of your country. 147 00:12:41,406 --> 00:12:43,637 And let it cheer you to know... 148 00:12:43,908 --> 00:12:48,846 ...that your government has managed the money for your return home. 149 00:12:49,114 --> 00:12:51,583 If necessary. 150 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,746 Bless you all. 151 00:13:00,293 --> 00:13:02,922 Right, men. Up bags. 152 00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:06,099 Company, right turn! 153 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,030 By the right, quick march! 154 00:13:20,914 --> 00:13:24,078 I do hope the Americans are kind to them. 155 00:13:24,317 --> 00:13:26,479 They're a fine body of men. 156 00:13:26,753 --> 00:13:30,884 And the best investment this country ever made. 157 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,896 A declaration of war? 158 00:15:22,168 --> 00:15:26,663 "To the president, congress and people of the U.S., greetings." 159 00:15:26,907 --> 00:15:29,103 "Act of aggression." 160 00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:32,175 "A state of war exists... 161 00:15:32,412 --> 00:15:36,213 ...between Grand Fenwick and the United States." 162 00:15:36,416 --> 00:15:41,013 Those boys in the press room. Always making with the jokes. 163 00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:52,889 Eight, nine, ten, halt! 164 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:56,433 Company, left turn! 165 00:15:58,204 --> 00:16:01,436 Left, right, left. 166 00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,132 Pick them up. 167 00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:06,244 Keep going, you landlubbers. 168 00:16:06,479 --> 00:16:09,847 Left, right, left, right... 169 00:16:25,565 --> 00:16:29,798 - I think I'll go up on deck, Will. - You are up on deck. 170 00:16:31,004 --> 00:16:35,874 - Go below if you feel seasick, Will. - I'll be all right. 171 00:16:36,376 --> 00:16:38,971 Will... 172 00:16:39,245 --> 00:16:41,680 Tell the men... 173 00:16:42,983 --> 00:16:46,078 I think I'd like to be alone. 174 00:17:33,867 --> 00:17:35,199 Listen to this. 175 00:17:35,468 --> 00:17:39,064 "The president announced a practice air raid alert... 176 00:17:39,339 --> 00:17:41,672 ...to affect the entire East Coast. 177 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:45,141 Ships will be forbidden entry until it's over." 178 00:17:45,378 --> 00:17:48,644 - When does it start? - In less than an hour. 179 00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:53,752 New York deserted. Should be a sight. Is it because of the new bomb? 180 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:59,049 The Q-bomb, they call it. Makes the H-bomb look like a firecracker. 181 00:17:59,259 --> 00:18:02,024 It'll never replace the British navy. 182 00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,560 Oh, no, sir. 183 00:18:09,269 --> 00:18:13,036 Look, sir! The Queen Elizabeth! 184 00:18:25,885 --> 00:18:27,615 Turn about! 185 00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:29,584 New York's closed! 186 00:18:29,789 --> 00:18:33,248 What are you doing down there? Turn about! 187 00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:37,520 The port of New York's closed! Do you hear me? 188 00:18:37,764 --> 00:18:41,201 What's with them? Stay away from...! 189 00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:44,700 Stop that! 190 00:18:46,239 --> 00:18:49,004 What are you playing? This is dangerous! 191 00:18:53,446 --> 00:18:55,881 - Stop! - But we're at war! 192 00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:58,017 Not with everybody. 193 00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:30,182 That's funny, I can't see anybody. 194 00:19:36,256 --> 00:19:38,816 - Looks deserted. - That's what I mean. 195 00:19:39,092 --> 00:19:42,290 Doesn't seem to be anyone we can surrender to. 196 00:19:44,597 --> 00:19:48,557 There's nothing moving. No boats or anything. 197 00:19:49,002 --> 00:19:51,471 - Is today Sunday? - No, Monday. 198 00:19:51,671 --> 00:19:54,573 We better check with the skipper. 199 00:19:56,976 --> 00:19:59,844 - The land of the enemy. - It's big. 200 00:20:00,113 --> 00:20:04,949 - Bigger they are, harder they fall. - We're supposed to lose. 201 00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:09,714 - No one told me. - There's 175 million people here. 202 00:20:09,989 --> 00:20:13,687 But only 10 million in New York. We'll outsmart them. 203 00:20:21,668 --> 00:20:24,729 Where's customs? Immigration? 204 00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:29,203 - We were wondering the same thing. - It's very peculiar. 205 00:20:29,409 --> 00:20:32,379 See that big building? 206 00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,705 I saw it first, it's mine. 207 00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:41,320 At the double! 208 00:20:41,721 --> 00:20:46,853 Please make sure you've got your passports and health certificates. 209 00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:49,686 - Sir? - What is it? 210 00:20:50,396 --> 00:20:52,194 The invasion map. 211 00:22:17,951 --> 00:22:22,719 Why doesn't somebody come and capture us? Where is everybody? 212 00:22:22,956 --> 00:22:25,790 Maybe it's a holiday. 213 00:22:33,833 --> 00:22:38,737 Why don't they come out and fight? I know, they declared it an open city. 214 00:22:38,972 --> 00:22:40,600 We should go wait. 215 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,639 - For what? - Just wait. 216 00:22:43,876 --> 00:22:45,970 Oh, come on. 217 00:23:13,339 --> 00:23:17,902 It's you. Your mail's got rusty in the rain. 218 00:23:26,586 --> 00:23:31,388 - Germ warfare! - Since when are there sticky germs? 219 00:23:31,657 --> 00:23:34,024 Chewing gum. "Germ warfare." 220 00:23:34,293 --> 00:23:36,421 Why don't we storm a building? 221 00:23:36,662 --> 00:23:40,224 No, let's keep going. We're sure to find somebody. 222 00:23:57,850 --> 00:24:00,046 Look, sir! 223 00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:05,521 - That's where they are. Underground. - Cowards. 224 00:24:05,725 --> 00:24:08,320 Why don't you come up and fight? 225 00:24:08,561 --> 00:24:11,861 - Don't. You'll make them angry. - Field marshal! 226 00:24:12,098 --> 00:24:13,828 Look at this. 227 00:24:15,134 --> 00:24:17,899 It's a drill. Everybody's underground. 228 00:24:18,137 --> 00:24:21,630 We should go underground. Surrender when it's over. 229 00:24:21,908 --> 00:24:27,870 "Air raid drill today. The president announced plans for a new bomb... 230 00:24:28,081 --> 00:24:33,076 ...that's capable of devastating an area of two million square miles. 231 00:24:33,352 --> 00:24:37,790 Designed by Dr. Kokintz of the Institute of Advanced Physics... 232 00:24:38,057 --> 00:24:42,222 ...a prototype of it is expected in a matter of weeks." 233 00:24:42,462 --> 00:24:45,489 - Give me the map. - Maybe we should wait. 234 00:24:45,731 --> 00:24:50,931 We must get off the streets. We don't want to spoil their drill. 235 00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:55,107 There's the arsenal, on 64th Street and 5th Avenue. 236 00:24:55,374 --> 00:24:58,435 We can cut through Central Park over there. 237 00:24:58,644 --> 00:25:02,445 All in favor of going there and surrendering, say "Aye." 238 00:25:02,682 --> 00:25:06,585 You're a fine, disciplined body of men. Let's go. 239 00:25:06,953 --> 00:25:09,821 - Why are you up here? - Cigarettes. 240 00:25:10,089 --> 00:25:12,615 - Borrow one! - Okay, give me one. 241 00:25:12,892 --> 00:25:14,087 - Here. - Thanks. 242 00:25:14,293 --> 00:25:18,025 Now get going, and don't let me catch you again. 243 00:25:18,297 --> 00:25:24,498 Good thing this isn't a real raid. Some people just want to get killed. 244 00:25:25,171 --> 00:25:28,107 Look, the decontamination squad. 245 00:25:28,341 --> 00:25:31,903 - That's the job I wanted. No walking. - Yeah. 246 00:25:39,685 --> 00:25:42,655 - Hairpin, please. - I don't have any, Papa. 247 00:25:42,855 --> 00:25:45,984 A bobby pin, then. 248 00:25:58,204 --> 00:26:01,572 Finished. That's the warning apparatus in place. 249 00:26:01,807 --> 00:26:06,575 Get some food and sleep now. You haven't had a break for 48 hours. 250 00:26:06,812 --> 00:26:10,977 - I had a bed put up in the shelter. - What shelter? 251 00:26:11,184 --> 00:26:16,054 - There's a practice air-raid alert. - An alert? For why? 252 00:26:16,255 --> 00:26:19,987 Because of you, Papa, and this bomb of yours. 253 00:26:20,159 --> 00:26:25,530 I see. I wonder what they'd think of my little working model. 254 00:26:25,698 --> 00:26:29,100 I think that they would all be very afraid. 255 00:26:29,902 --> 00:26:34,840 - I'm glad the warning apparatus works. - Of course. 256 00:26:36,008 --> 00:26:38,705 - Come on, Papa, please! - For how long? 257 00:26:38,911 --> 00:26:41,710 It could be some time. 258 00:26:41,914 --> 00:26:45,510 Then I have to remove the detonator. It's sensitive. 259 00:26:45,751 --> 00:26:50,689 It can go off like... Are you sure you haven't got a hairpin? 260 00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:56,557 - Why aren't you two in the shelter? - Why did you come in without knocking? 261 00:26:56,796 --> 00:27:00,597 Look, this is an alert, so let's be alert. Out! 262 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:07,172 - Go, if you know what's good for you. - You can go peaceable, or I drag you. 263 00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:12,370 - You playing games? Come along! - Don't you know that's Dr. Kokintz? 264 00:27:12,578 --> 00:27:18,449 Who cares? Come on, let's get go... Wait a minute. 265 00:27:18,651 --> 00:27:24,318 - Kokintz? The fella with the Q-bomb? - That's right. 266 00:27:24,557 --> 00:27:27,152 - Hi, doc. - How do you do? 267 00:27:27,426 --> 00:27:29,292 This is it, huh? 268 00:27:29,528 --> 00:27:33,590 That's it, but it's a secret. Do you mind leaving us alone? 269 00:27:33,799 --> 00:27:37,634 - My father wants to disconnect it. - It's connected? 270 00:27:37,903 --> 00:27:43,467 It sure is. It's on a hair trigger, so please don't slam the door. 271 00:27:43,743 --> 00:27:48,647 - Yeah, sure. Okay, see you later, doc. - Yes, goodbye. 272 00:27:48,848 --> 00:27:52,842 Why isn't he in Oak Ridge with the other scientists? 273 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,580 - He likes to work alone. - I thought it's in the planning stage. 274 00:27:57,757 --> 00:28:02,127 This is his first working model. He wants to surprise everybody. 275 00:28:02,295 --> 00:28:04,423 Great sense of humor. 276 00:28:04,597 --> 00:28:08,125 One question. Why is it so different from an H-bomb? 277 00:28:08,334 --> 00:28:12,362 The H-bomb? This new bomb is based on quodium... 278 00:28:12,571 --> 00:28:15,769 ...which is 100 times more powerful than hydrogen. 279 00:28:16,008 --> 00:28:21,208 He uses an H-bomb just to trigger this one. It could blow up North America. 280 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,144 - And some of South America also. - Any more questions? 281 00:28:25,384 --> 00:28:31,221 - Where can you go to be safe? - That's hard. Carbon 14, understand? 282 00:28:31,490 --> 00:28:34,790 Yeah. That's a dangerous thing you got there. 283 00:28:34,994 --> 00:28:37,793 Yes, let's hope it'll never be used. 284 00:28:37,997 --> 00:28:42,367 That's a nice thought. I feel better already. 285 00:28:48,607 --> 00:28:53,136 - You must try to be more careful. - Goodbye. 286 00:28:53,379 --> 00:28:58,750 You haven't eaten since yesterday. Let's ask him to bring us sandwiches. 287 00:28:58,984 --> 00:29:03,513 - I've got a lot to do. - His hands could shake from hunger. 288 00:29:03,723 --> 00:29:09,185 - What kind? Cheese? Chopped liver? - Chopped liver. With pickle, please. 289 00:29:43,662 --> 00:29:48,066 I don't understand. According to the map, this is a shortcut. 290 00:29:48,267 --> 00:29:52,762 - I'm tired. - Chin up. Maybe they'll give us tea. 291 00:29:53,038 --> 00:29:58,602 - Someone's left the engine running. - Maybe we can get a lift. 292 00:30:06,218 --> 00:30:10,280 - There's some guys at the truck! - Air-raid wardens? 293 00:30:10,489 --> 00:30:13,186 - No, funny-looking guys. - Funny-looking? 294 00:30:13,392 --> 00:30:17,591 - I mean funny-looking, like fish. - What do you mean? 295 00:30:17,830 --> 00:30:20,891 They've got scales all over them! 296 00:30:21,133 --> 00:30:24,433 Mulligan, you sick or something? 297 00:30:29,708 --> 00:30:31,802 They're from outer space! 298 00:30:31,977 --> 00:30:35,846 - Off a flying saucer! Off a sputnik! - Look! 299 00:30:36,015 --> 00:30:38,450 - They've seen us! - Let's get out of here! 300 00:30:38,651 --> 00:30:42,986 - They're from outer space. - They're off a flying saucer! 301 00:30:45,658 --> 00:30:49,095 - Ray guns! I'm getting this suit off. - Me too! 302 00:30:49,295 --> 00:30:51,127 Don't, we'll get in trouble. 303 00:30:51,297 --> 00:30:56,133 Hold it, they're Americans. They probably belong to this truck. 304 00:30:56,302 --> 00:31:00,967 - Let's tell them we're sorry. - It's too late. Let's go surrender. 305 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:06,611 - We shouldn't leave this truck. - We'll turn it in to make them happy. 306 00:31:06,846 --> 00:31:11,375 All right, men, into the truck, we'll ride to the arsenal. 307 00:31:13,018 --> 00:31:17,820 You wait here. I'll get to a phone and call Special Reports. 308 00:31:27,633 --> 00:31:31,570 - You. Down the subway. - Wait, I'm a decontamination man. 309 00:31:31,804 --> 00:31:38,267 - Yeah? Where's your uniform? - I threw it away. Spacemen chased us. 310 00:31:38,677 --> 00:31:41,704 You gonna come quietly? Come on, come on. 311 00:31:41,881 --> 00:31:45,682 Listen! Men from Mars! I saw them! Men from Mars! 312 00:31:45,885 --> 00:31:49,049 - Special Reports? - Your name and section? 313 00:31:49,288 --> 00:31:53,851 O'Hara. Section 4300, sub-section 3: decontamination. 314 00:31:54,426 --> 00:31:55,485 Go ahead. 315 00:31:55,694 --> 00:31:58,858 Men from a flying saucer landed in the park. 316 00:31:59,064 --> 00:32:02,432 - How many? - Fifty or sixty. 317 00:32:02,668 --> 00:32:07,368 Fifty or sixty men from a flying saucer... 318 00:32:07,540 --> 00:32:09,065 Say, what is this? 319 00:32:09,308 --> 00:32:14,804 Just what I said! I saw them, 50 or 60, with metal heads... 320 00:32:15,047 --> 00:32:20,509 ...covered in shiny stuff. They fired ray guns at us in Central Park! 321 00:32:20,719 --> 00:32:25,817 You should keep out of saloons. Your job is serious. Where are you? 322 00:32:26,025 --> 00:32:30,622 In a grocery store on 69th Street. I ain't been in any saloon! 323 00:32:30,896 --> 00:32:33,730 Stay there. I'll send somebody over. 324 00:32:35,234 --> 00:32:38,136 Off a flying saucer, 300 of them! 325 00:32:38,404 --> 00:32:43,365 - Men from Mars, 400 of them! - Thousands of Martians are invading! 326 00:32:43,576 --> 00:32:46,273 Men from Mars! All over the place! 327 00:32:46,545 --> 00:32:49,777 Men from Mars! With ray guns! 328 00:32:50,115 --> 00:32:51,743 Yeah, I know. 329 00:33:01,393 --> 00:33:04,886 - Right, men, number up! - Twenty! 330 00:33:05,097 --> 00:33:09,159 - Twenty-one. - Twenty-two. All present and correct. 331 00:33:09,401 --> 00:33:13,805 There's nothing wrong in surrendering to overwhelming odds... 332 00:33:14,006 --> 00:33:19,001 ...provided we do it in a military fashion. Yes. Carry on. 333 00:33:19,278 --> 00:33:22,305 Right, men. Fall in! 334 00:33:24,750 --> 00:33:28,983 - All right, lads, follow me. - Quick march! 335 00:33:31,123 --> 00:33:34,184 Halt! Tully? 336 00:33:35,427 --> 00:33:37,589 Look at that. 337 00:33:37,830 --> 00:33:42,962 "New York Institute of Advanced Physics." That's not the arsenal. 338 00:33:43,168 --> 00:33:48,607 No, we're lost again. Men, back to the truck, at the double! 339 00:34:00,452 --> 00:34:02,921 Will! 340 00:34:05,824 --> 00:34:08,953 This is General Snippet. Get me Washington. 341 00:34:13,065 --> 00:34:14,328 Yes, Snippet? 342 00:34:14,533 --> 00:34:19,699 Mr. Secretary, I have to report an emergency situation in New York. 343 00:34:19,972 --> 00:34:25,377 There's a rumor that the city's been invaded by men from Mars. 344 00:34:25,644 --> 00:34:29,376 - Men from Mars? - Yes, sir, in Central Park. 345 00:34:29,581 --> 00:34:33,177 - How did the rumor begin? - A civil defense officer. 346 00:34:33,385 --> 00:34:37,152 - Was he drunk? - Maybe, but I thought I'd report it. 347 00:34:37,356 --> 00:34:42,090 Go out to make a personal inspection of that park and report to me. 348 00:34:42,327 --> 00:34:47,322 This nonsense can ruin an exercise meant to protect our largest city. 349 00:34:47,533 --> 00:34:52,904 A city, which I don't need to stress, has been entrusted to your care. 350 00:34:56,475 --> 00:34:57,841 Get my jeep! 351 00:35:02,114 --> 00:35:05,710 We really have to get into the shelter. 352 00:35:05,918 --> 00:35:10,754 Very well. But I'm hungry. I'll do the bomb before we go. 353 00:35:10,989 --> 00:35:13,515 Where's the warden and the sandwiches? 354 00:35:13,759 --> 00:35:17,855 Even with white bread, with no pickle. 355 00:35:18,097 --> 00:35:20,566 Thank goodness. 356 00:35:23,535 --> 00:35:26,004 Just put the food here with... 357 00:35:27,005 --> 00:35:30,237 Who are you? What do you want? 358 00:35:31,210 --> 00:35:33,270 Well, what is it? 359 00:35:33,545 --> 00:35:39,143 I'm Tully Bascombe, and this is Will Buckley. Is that Dr. Kokintz? 360 00:35:39,418 --> 00:35:43,788 - Yes, I am. - We took a chance and here you are. 361 00:35:44,156 --> 00:35:49,925 - You didn't bring my sandwiches? - No, we've come to capture you. 362 00:35:50,129 --> 00:35:53,793 Is this some joke? You're not wardens! 363 00:35:54,032 --> 00:35:56,160 No, miss. We're soldiers. 364 00:35:56,401 --> 00:36:00,031 We're at war with America. We came here to surrender. 365 00:36:00,272 --> 00:36:04,937 If we take Dr. Kokintz, we'll be in a better bargaining position. 366 00:36:05,144 --> 00:36:09,605 - They're crazy. - Yes. Call the police! Call the Army! 367 00:36:09,815 --> 00:36:14,253 That's no use. Everybody's underground. What's that? 368 00:36:14,453 --> 00:36:18,481 - It's a coffee percolator. - Coffee percolator! 369 00:36:18,690 --> 00:36:21,626 I've never seen an American percolator. 370 00:36:21,827 --> 00:36:25,628 - What do I push? - Don't push anything! 371 00:36:25,864 --> 00:36:30,632 - I think that's the Q-bomb. - Yes. 372 00:36:30,836 --> 00:36:34,864 - Small, isn't it? - It's my portable. 373 00:36:35,107 --> 00:36:40,068 - We'd better take it along too. - That's a very good idea. Shall we go? 374 00:36:40,279 --> 00:36:44,216 - Leave my father alone! - Oh, his daughter. You come too. 375 00:36:44,483 --> 00:36:48,352 - I don't think... - No violence, please! The bomb! 376 00:36:48,620 --> 00:36:52,523 Mr. Grand Marshal, permit me to dismantle it first. 377 00:36:52,724 --> 00:36:55,888 We haven't time. How do I carry it? 378 00:36:56,128 --> 00:36:58,154 Carefully. 379 00:36:59,097 --> 00:37:02,329 Mr. Constable, don't stumble. Don't fall. 380 00:37:02,601 --> 00:37:05,662 If you fall, all of America falls with you. 381 00:37:05,904 --> 00:37:07,736 I see. 382 00:37:32,164 --> 00:37:34,656 Shall we go? 383 00:37:39,938 --> 00:37:41,998 Fall in, men! 384 00:37:42,241 --> 00:37:47,578 Please treat the bomb with great care. Do be careful! 385 00:37:49,448 --> 00:37:52,577 - Get them in quickly. - Come along. 386 00:37:58,690 --> 00:38:00,249 Take cover! 387 00:38:15,674 --> 00:38:19,441 - What's happening here? - What's your name, soldier? 388 00:38:19,678 --> 00:38:23,445 General Snippet! Who are you, what's going on? 389 00:38:23,682 --> 00:38:26,948 I'm Field Marshal Bascombe. You're prisoners. 390 00:38:27,185 --> 00:38:30,417 - Field marshal of what? - Grand Fenwick. 391 00:38:30,622 --> 00:38:33,888 You're under arrest. You'll get 100 years. 392 00:38:34,092 --> 00:38:38,496 We'll talk in Grand Fenwick. You'll be treated accordingly. 393 00:38:38,764 --> 00:38:40,960 Take him away, men. 394 00:38:41,199 --> 00:38:44,795 150 years! On bread and water! 395 00:38:47,572 --> 00:38:52,476 We have an announcement. Contrary to rumor, there are... 396 00:38:52,711 --> 00:38:55,203 ...Mars in the city. Do not panic. 397 00:38:55,447 --> 00:38:58,940 - What did he say? - Cut it out, that's my radio! 398 00:38:59,217 --> 00:39:02,654 ...men from Mars in the city. So stay where you are. 399 00:39:02,854 --> 00:39:05,619 We have been invaded by men from Mars. 400 00:39:05,857 --> 00:39:10,420 - Did you hear that? - I knew it. I knew it had to come. 401 00:39:10,662 --> 00:39:13,496 Stay where you are! 402 00:39:23,775 --> 00:39:24,799 Ahoy, there! 403 00:39:25,010 --> 00:39:31,280 Well, you weren't away very long. How did the war with the U.S. go? 404 00:39:31,483 --> 00:39:33,748 We won! 405 00:39:45,297 --> 00:39:48,529 - Mr. Secretary? - Yes, captain, what is it? 406 00:39:48,767 --> 00:39:53,205 - General Snippet is missing. - He's an idiot. I'll have his star. 407 00:39:53,405 --> 00:39:58,537 They found his jeep at the Institute of Advanced Physics. They... 408 00:39:59,978 --> 00:40:03,574 - Go on. - They say it was shot full of arrows. 409 00:40:03,815 --> 00:40:08,344 - Also there was a flag. - On the arrows? 410 00:40:08,587 --> 00:40:11,785 - On a Customs' shed at the docks. - What flag? 411 00:40:11,990 --> 00:40:14,892 It's not identified. They're flying it down. 412 00:40:15,093 --> 00:40:19,326 Also those rumors about men from Mars are still spreading. 413 00:40:19,531 --> 00:40:24,834 I'm gonna stop this alert. There's something funny going on. 414 00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:28,169 - A foreign flag on a Customs' shed? - Yes. 415 00:40:32,010 --> 00:40:35,811 Fothergill, you're in charge of Post Exchange Relations. 416 00:40:36,048 --> 00:40:41,510 We all realize the importance of having a helpful, friendly PX. 417 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:45,088 So be on your toes. And under the circumstances... 418 00:40:45,357 --> 00:40:51,786 ...I don't see why we can't let the Americans have our wine at a discount. 419 00:40:52,264 --> 00:40:55,723 Mayberry! First impressions are the strongest. 420 00:40:55,967 --> 00:41:01,270 Give those smiling, boyish Gls a friendly welcome when they arrive. 421 00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:07,446 And as soon as we get the money, we must get some malted milk machines. 422 00:41:07,712 --> 00:41:11,376 And not to forget about the hot dogs. 423 00:41:11,716 --> 00:41:17,053 Which brings me to the question of non-fraternization. 424 00:41:17,255 --> 00:41:21,784 The Occupation Authority is certain to be strict in this matter. 425 00:41:22,060 --> 00:41:25,121 We'll want to cooperate in every way. 426 00:41:25,397 --> 00:41:31,860 I imagine that non-fraternization will last for approximately 48 hours. 427 00:41:32,070 --> 00:41:35,563 After which, we will want those lonesome GI boys... 428 00:41:35,807 --> 00:41:40,939 ...to feel this is a real home away from home. 429 00:41:42,647 --> 00:41:46,140 I think I've dealt with everything. Any questions? 430 00:41:46,384 --> 00:41:47,909 Nope! 431 00:41:48,887 --> 00:41:52,881 Except, shouldn't we have heard something by now? 432 00:41:53,125 --> 00:41:59,588 Not to worry, even a nincompoop like Tully can't spoil this war. 433 00:42:06,972 --> 00:42:08,440 Come on. 434 00:42:10,842 --> 00:42:13,038 - Move! - No more exercise. 435 00:42:13,311 --> 00:42:18,909 Field marshal's order. Move! On the double! On the double! 436 00:42:32,430 --> 00:42:36,231 It is worse than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. 437 00:42:36,468 --> 00:42:41,429 - He won't let you dismantle it? - He said he wants it dangerous. 438 00:42:41,673 --> 00:42:45,576 He knows whoever has the bomb has the world by the tail. 439 00:42:45,844 --> 00:42:49,747 You must persuade him to let me make it harmless. 440 00:42:50,015 --> 00:42:51,711 Why me? 441 00:42:51,983 --> 00:42:54,350 - He likes you. - I don't like him. 442 00:42:54,553 --> 00:42:57,079 - For America? - No, sir, not me! 443 00:42:57,355 --> 00:42:59,256 - For mankind? - I hate him. 444 00:42:59,524 --> 00:43:02,517 - That is irrelevant. - Not to me. 445 00:43:02,727 --> 00:43:04,855 Please do it. 446 00:43:05,063 --> 00:43:08,465 - Is it absolutely necessary? - Absolutely. 447 00:43:08,667 --> 00:43:13,105 - Visiting time's over. - Yes, I'm just coming. Absolutely. 448 00:43:13,338 --> 00:43:17,708 Okay. Will you please tell the dictator I'd like to see him? 449 00:43:17,976 --> 00:43:19,774 - Who? - Bascombe. 450 00:43:20,011 --> 00:43:21,673 Yes, ma'am. 451 00:43:22,247 --> 00:43:26,082 - Are you a typical American girl? - Come on! 452 00:43:41,366 --> 00:43:42,698 Come in. 453 00:43:46,504 --> 00:43:50,066 - You wanted to see me? - Yes, as a matter of fact... 454 00:43:50,308 --> 00:43:52,573 Mr. Bascombe! 455 00:43:56,715 --> 00:43:59,879 - You wanted to see me? - Yes. 456 00:44:00,118 --> 00:44:03,213 - Is everything all right? - Wonderful. 457 00:44:03,455 --> 00:44:08,723 A 2-by-4 cabin on a rocky boat with a deadly bomb under the floor. 458 00:44:08,927 --> 00:44:11,897 - What more could a girl ask? - That's nice. 459 00:44:12,097 --> 00:44:15,534 - Thanks. - Is there something I can do for you? 460 00:44:15,767 --> 00:44:20,535 - Let my father dismantle the bomb. - I'm sorry, I couldn't do that. 461 00:44:20,772 --> 00:44:25,904 - Please. As a personal favor to me? - No, I couldn't. 462 00:44:26,111 --> 00:44:30,071 - It's no use talking to you, go away. - All right. 463 00:44:30,315 --> 00:44:32,284 Stop, please! 464 00:44:37,255 --> 00:44:40,350 - I think you're holding me. - I am? 465 00:44:42,861 --> 00:44:45,990 Is this how you treat your prisoners of war? 466 00:44:46,264 --> 00:44:50,429 - I'm sorry. - I hope you're not upset. 467 00:44:50,669 --> 00:44:54,663 - I'm not upset. - Do you forgive me? 468 00:44:54,873 --> 00:44:58,571 Yes. Can I go now, please? 469 00:44:58,810 --> 00:45:04,147 Not just yet, please. Surely, Mr. Bascombe, despite everything... 470 00:45:04,349 --> 00:45:06,978 ...we can still be friends, can't we? 471 00:45:07,218 --> 00:45:10,586 - Yes, yes. - That's nice. 472 00:45:10,789 --> 00:45:14,885 I've always admired strong, silent men like you. 473 00:45:15,126 --> 00:45:19,587 You're awfully young and handsome to be a real field marshal. 474 00:45:19,831 --> 00:45:22,130 Do you like American girls? 475 00:45:22,367 --> 00:45:27,396 I don't know any American girls but you. I like you. 476 00:45:27,672 --> 00:45:31,165 That's nice. Would you like to kiss me? 477 00:45:31,376 --> 00:45:36,610 I wouldn't mind. You can turn around right now and kiss me if you want to. 478 00:45:36,815 --> 00:45:39,717 - Really? - Really. 479 00:46:03,174 --> 00:46:08,579 Listen to this. "Look out for a pirate ship flying a double-headed eagle. 480 00:46:08,847 --> 00:46:11,442 She may attack you." What's that mean? 481 00:46:11,716 --> 00:46:14,743 I can't imagine. Ship on the port bow, sir. 482 00:46:15,019 --> 00:46:18,512 Is that so? Perhaps she's seen this pirate ship. 483 00:46:18,757 --> 00:46:24,754 Hello! Hello, you down there! Have you seen a little...? 484 00:47:08,273 --> 00:47:12,904 This is a kidnapping! Inform the embassy... Keep your hands off me! 485 00:47:37,435 --> 00:47:39,028 What was that about? 486 00:47:48,580 --> 00:47:53,382 I can't keep the president waiting. Don't forget the declaration of war. 487 00:47:53,651 --> 00:47:59,784 The U.S. and Grand Fenwick are at war and it takes the FBI to find out. 488 00:48:00,058 --> 00:48:05,554 Wasn't the declaration found behind the radiator in the State Department? 489 00:48:05,763 --> 00:48:09,564 Yes. Anyway, Chester won't like it on the island of Yap... 490 00:48:09,801 --> 00:48:14,762 ...but how do I tell the president that 15th-century Europeans invaded us? 491 00:48:15,039 --> 00:48:19,170 - You'll find a way. - And all over some imitation wine. 492 00:48:19,410 --> 00:48:25,680 Why did they resort to war? There are other ways to settle differences. 493 00:48:25,917 --> 00:48:28,751 We've been nice to little countries. 494 00:48:28,953 --> 00:48:32,947 They did send us protests, and we ignored them. 495 00:48:33,224 --> 00:48:35,921 How am I gonna say we lost the war? 496 00:48:36,194 --> 00:48:40,256 Just because they landed, took a few hostages and got away? 497 00:48:40,498 --> 00:48:44,594 This is top-secret. Not only did they capture Dr. Kokintz... 498 00:48:44,802 --> 00:48:47,431 ...they took his model of the Q-bomb. 499 00:48:47,705 --> 00:48:48,934 The Q-bomb? 500 00:48:49,140 --> 00:48:52,736 Yeah, sure, they just about control the world. 501 00:48:53,311 --> 00:48:56,475 How do I tell that to the president? 502 00:49:39,524 --> 00:49:45,156 It's so thrilling. Isn't it exciting? Where are my smelling salts? 503 00:49:48,299 --> 00:49:51,030 Hello, Bobo. Happy day. 504 00:49:57,842 --> 00:50:01,176 Shouldn't they be here? What did the telegram say? 505 00:50:01,412 --> 00:50:06,544 "Arriving approximately 2 p.m. with Americans and wonderful news." 506 00:50:06,818 --> 00:50:12,086 Good. Hope they don't bring many Gls. Do they know we're a small country? 507 00:50:12,357 --> 00:50:16,294 Of course they do. They're very considerate about that. 508 00:50:16,494 --> 00:50:20,693 They're coming! They're coming! They're coming! 509 00:51:27,732 --> 00:51:29,997 Well, Your Grace, we're home. 510 00:51:30,234 --> 00:51:32,897 There's been a change of plan. 511 00:51:34,005 --> 00:51:37,237 I know it'll come as a pleasant surprise... 512 00:51:37,475 --> 00:51:40,912 - ...but we sort of won. - You sort of what? 513 00:51:41,179 --> 00:51:45,913 We captured the Q-bomb, the most destructive weapon in the world. 514 00:51:46,150 --> 00:51:50,588 And we got some prisoners too. Dr. Kokintz, his daughter... 515 00:51:50,788 --> 00:51:54,088 ...Gen. Snippet and some New York policemen. 516 00:51:54,292 --> 00:51:57,490 - And this is the bomb. - You idiot! 517 00:51:57,762 --> 00:52:02,291 If this bomb explodes, it will wipe out most of Europe. 518 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:05,026 - Let me make it harmless. - If we do... 519 00:52:05,269 --> 00:52:08,137 ...then we haven't won anything. 520 00:52:08,406 --> 00:52:13,310 Oh, dear. This is most complicated, isn't it? 521 00:52:14,645 --> 00:52:17,410 Put the bomb away in a dungeon. 522 00:52:17,615 --> 00:52:22,280 And the doctor and Miss Pokinz can have the rooms next to mine. 523 00:52:22,487 --> 00:52:25,821 What kind of juice do you want for breakfast? 524 00:52:26,023 --> 00:52:32,020 Orange. But this bomb is not a prisoner you can shut in a dungeon... 525 00:52:32,230 --> 00:52:37,066 Listen! This bomb is stolen property. It belongs to the United States. 526 00:52:37,301 --> 00:52:40,829 - We won it fair and square! - Give it back! 527 00:52:41,038 --> 00:52:45,032 If not, you'll live in terror all your lives. Give it back. 528 00:52:45,243 --> 00:52:49,010 It's the honest thing to do. It's the wise thing to do! 529 00:52:49,213 --> 00:52:52,183 It's the American thing to do! 530 00:52:52,450 --> 00:52:56,410 There goes a red-blooded American girl. 531 00:52:57,054 --> 00:53:01,549 - Your Grace, this is General Snippet. - I warn you... 532 00:53:01,759 --> 00:53:04,786 - ...I know the Geneva Convention. - How nice. 533 00:53:05,029 --> 00:53:09,797 You must recite it to me some evening. I play the harpsichord. 534 00:53:14,839 --> 00:53:18,332 Come on. In here, all of you. 535 00:53:20,478 --> 00:53:23,937 Take your hands off me! Who do you think you are...? 536 00:53:37,695 --> 00:53:42,156 Psychological warfare. Brainwashing! 537 00:53:42,366 --> 00:53:45,598 Remember, only name, rank and serial number. 538 00:53:45,803 --> 00:53:47,999 - Just don't talk. - Can we scream? 539 00:53:48,272 --> 00:53:52,175 First we have to form an escape committee... 540 00:53:52,376 --> 00:53:58,612 There you are, general. What do you think about our exhibits? 541 00:53:58,816 --> 00:54:02,116 I'm disappointed. You won't get away with it. 542 00:54:02,353 --> 00:54:07,382 International law forbids torturing us and keeping us in this cell. 543 00:54:07,658 --> 00:54:12,528 My dear general, this is a museum. 544 00:54:12,730 --> 00:54:17,293 - We don't do these things anymore. - Really? 545 00:54:17,501 --> 00:54:22,303 I knew it all the time. I was just testing you fellas. 546 00:54:22,506 --> 00:54:26,534 - I'll show you to your rooms. - Just a minute. 547 00:54:26,744 --> 00:54:31,512 - Are they regulation size cells? - I've never measured them. 548 00:54:31,716 --> 00:54:35,346 And meals must be served on tin plates. 549 00:54:35,686 --> 00:54:40,750 - We don't have any tin plates. - Then we refuse to move. 550 00:54:40,992 --> 00:54:46,863 Unless you convince me we'll be treated according to regulations! 551 00:54:47,064 --> 00:54:48,532 I see. 552 00:54:57,642 --> 00:55:03,411 - So you won't have something to eat? - Only if it's served on a tin plate. 553 00:55:03,648 --> 00:55:07,710 - Follow me, gentlemen. - Men, stand on your rights. 554 00:55:14,225 --> 00:55:18,253 I'll show them they can't... Men, where are you? 555 00:55:18,462 --> 00:55:20,192 Men! 556 00:55:32,043 --> 00:55:34,274 - And you? - No. 557 00:55:36,447 --> 00:55:39,212 I hope the general's okay. 558 00:55:47,224 --> 00:55:49,193 I showed them. 559 00:55:50,494 --> 00:55:52,827 No tin plates, eh? 560 00:55:53,497 --> 00:55:55,966 They had tin plates. 561 00:56:24,261 --> 00:56:27,857 Here is the news: The situation seems grave... 562 00:56:28,099 --> 00:56:31,433 ...and every chancery is in session. 563 00:56:31,635 --> 00:56:35,731 More men are under arms than in any time in history. 564 00:56:35,973 --> 00:56:40,673 The prime minister said Britain and Fenwick are united... 565 00:56:40,878 --> 00:56:44,679 ...not only by language and history, but by blood. 566 00:56:44,882 --> 00:56:50,116 And that it was pure accident that the duchy was not in the Commonwealth. 567 00:56:50,321 --> 00:56:56,283 The government will do all it can to protect this British outpost. 568 00:56:56,494 --> 00:57:00,522 There were cheers from both sides of the House. In Paris... 569 00:57:02,166 --> 00:57:05,625 ...the president said that the interests... 570 00:57:05,836 --> 00:57:09,466 ...of these two wine-loving countries are identical... 571 00:57:09,673 --> 00:57:15,544 ...and would be maintained at all costs. There was excitement in Moscow. 572 00:57:15,780 --> 00:57:20,844 The premier said that the Soviet Union had already invented a Q-bomb... 573 00:57:21,052 --> 00:57:24,853 ...but the workers of the USSR would do anything... 574 00:57:25,056 --> 00:57:28,891 ...to prevent the bomb from falling into the hands... 575 00:57:29,193 --> 00:57:31,492 ...of the imperialist, warmongering... 576 00:57:31,695 --> 00:57:33,323 ...hyenas. 577 00:57:34,298 --> 00:57:38,531 In the U.S., the Yankees defeated the Braves 6-2... 578 00:57:38,736 --> 00:57:43,504 ...in the World Series, the American version of football. 579 00:57:43,707 --> 00:57:48,736 There is no word from Grand Fenwick, which controls the world's destiny. 580 00:57:48,946 --> 00:57:52,439 The tiny country remains unconcerned... 581 00:57:52,683 --> 00:57:55,881 ...and almost indifferent to the tension. 582 00:58:22,446 --> 00:58:24,540 Sir. 583 00:58:35,926 --> 00:58:37,588 It's from China. 584 00:58:37,795 --> 00:58:43,132 "If there's anything we can do to help you against the United States... 585 00:58:43,367 --> 00:58:46,565 ...don't hesitate to ask. Warmest regards." 586 00:58:46,837 --> 00:58:51,537 Impossible! We can't do business with Red China! 587 00:58:51,742 --> 00:58:55,907 It's not from Red China, it's from the other one. 588 00:59:03,521 --> 00:59:07,185 We're in trouble. What are we gonna do about it? 589 00:59:07,424 --> 00:59:12,453 What's the fuss? We can send 40 paratroopers... 590 00:59:12,696 --> 00:59:16,633 ...and get this bomb and this Kokintz out. 591 00:59:16,867 --> 00:59:22,397 It's not that simple. Admittedly, we are at war with Grand Fenwick. 592 00:59:22,606 --> 00:59:26,600 But should history record that a nation of our size... 593 00:59:26,844 --> 00:59:30,440 ...attacked the smallest country in the world? 594 00:59:30,981 --> 00:59:34,440 - You know something? We're stuck. - We sure are. 595 00:59:34,652 --> 00:59:38,555 Now the French have offered to defend Fenwick. 596 00:59:38,756 --> 00:59:44,957 The British, 14. Egypt offers six, and an interest in the Suez Canal. 597 00:59:45,162 --> 00:59:49,065 They all want to take the bomb home for safekeeping. 598 00:59:49,266 --> 00:59:55,228 Argentina, Brazil, France, Germany, Italy, all want to help us. 599 00:59:55,439 --> 00:59:58,500 We've fought a war and reaped disaster. 600 00:59:58,776 --> 01:00:04,807 - It was all your idea, Bobo. - My idea was perfectly sound. 601 01:00:05,015 --> 01:00:07,985 Only an imbecile could win this war. He did. 602 01:00:08,219 --> 01:00:11,121 He meant well. 603 01:00:11,322 --> 01:00:16,420 The Russians have offered 20 divisions and want an answer in 48 hours. 604 01:00:16,627 --> 01:00:21,361 - We'll give them 30 divisions. - You don't seem to understand. 605 01:00:21,565 --> 01:00:26,731 We're at war with Fenwick. How can we protect our enemy? 606 01:00:27,238 --> 01:00:29,639 You know something? We're stuck. 607 01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:33,368 We now have this frightful engine of destruction... 608 01:00:33,577 --> 01:00:37,036 ...which can destroy us and the rest of Europe. 609 01:00:37,248 --> 01:00:40,309 Do we wage war against the world because of it? 610 01:00:40,517 --> 01:00:43,646 I know our friend will say, "Guard our frontiers." 611 01:00:43,887 --> 01:00:48,848 I say let America guard its own frontiers. They can afford it. 612 01:00:49,193 --> 01:00:54,825 - We must give them their bomb back. - I'm not so sure. 613 01:00:55,032 --> 01:00:59,868 The Americans are a wonderful people. We shouldn't have taken the bomb. 614 01:01:00,070 --> 01:01:05,008 Even if we give it back, some other country will invent its own Q-bomb. 615 01:01:05,209 --> 01:01:11,171 Then an X, Y and zed bomb, and someday one of them will go off. Boom! 616 01:01:11,382 --> 01:01:15,080 - Then what does Your Grace suggest? - I really don't know. 617 01:01:15,286 --> 01:01:18,120 - But I think we should wait. - Wait? 618 01:01:18,355 --> 01:01:22,759 - Wait for what? - I don't know, just wait. 619 01:01:22,993 --> 01:01:24,393 I see. 620 01:01:25,095 --> 01:01:27,496 In that case, I resign. 621 01:01:28,999 --> 01:01:30,297 So do I. 622 01:01:32,803 --> 01:01:35,432 They're all so sensitive. 623 01:01:37,541 --> 01:01:40,773 Tully, I'm afraid you're prime minister now. 624 01:01:41,011 --> 01:01:43,810 Do try and think of something. 625 01:01:44,048 --> 01:01:49,248 - I'll do my best, Your Grace. - There's a good boy. 626 01:01:50,287 --> 01:01:53,780 Oh, dear, dear. It's all so confusing. 627 01:01:54,024 --> 01:02:00,260 Having the bad conscience of the world in one's own home. Very difficult. 628 01:02:00,597 --> 01:02:04,625 I do wish Leopold were here. 629 01:02:10,341 --> 01:02:13,903 But we won, didn't we? 630 01:02:14,111 --> 01:02:17,775 The world isn't the same anymore. 631 01:02:27,091 --> 01:02:30,755 Make peace with them! Then we can protect them. 632 01:02:30,994 --> 01:02:34,863 The president hoped you'd say that. 633 01:02:35,099 --> 01:02:39,935 But the secretary of state is in the Far East, so it's up to me. 634 01:02:40,137 --> 01:02:44,666 I'll fly to Fenwick to arrange an armistice. Agreed? 635 01:02:47,845 --> 01:02:51,577 May we come in? I see you're still angry. 636 01:02:51,782 --> 01:02:55,947 - I'm still a prisoner. - We both enjoyed your speech. 637 01:02:56,153 --> 01:03:00,284 Then why didn't you let me finish it? Who are you anyway? 638 01:03:00,491 --> 01:03:05,725 Count Mountjoy, Her Grace's adviser. This is Mr. Benter of the opposition. 639 01:03:05,963 --> 01:03:10,492 - What do you want? - May I ask what you want? 640 01:03:10,701 --> 01:03:14,502 I thought I made it clear. I want to get the bomb back to America. 641 01:03:14,705 --> 01:03:20,337 - And my father and myself with it. - And Gen. Snippet and the policemen? 642 01:03:21,812 --> 01:03:26,307 - Whose side are you on? - The side of sanity. That is, yours. 643 01:03:26,517 --> 01:03:31,217 Nothing is more advantageous than your return with the bomb. 644 01:03:31,422 --> 01:03:35,223 - Do you mean that? - We want to get out of this mess. 645 01:03:35,426 --> 01:03:38,055 What have you got in mind? 646 01:03:38,262 --> 01:03:41,391 We suggest you take that naughty bomb away... 647 01:03:41,632 --> 01:03:45,228 - ...and we'll help you. - You mean back to America? 648 01:03:45,502 --> 01:03:46,834 Yes. 649 01:03:47,070 --> 01:03:51,201 We shall return within the hour. Be prepared to escape. 650 01:03:51,408 --> 01:03:57,143 Adieu. You American women are so charming. So very charming. 651 01:03:57,347 --> 01:04:01,250 - We've only got an hour! - Pity. 652 01:04:46,763 --> 01:04:48,322 Who is it? 653 01:04:50,234 --> 01:04:52,100 Well, come in! 654 01:04:55,239 --> 01:04:58,937 I'm taking a bath, so wait out there. 655 01:04:59,142 --> 01:05:04,308 - I didn't expect you so soon. - You didn't? 656 01:05:05,215 --> 01:05:06,843 Who's that? 657 01:05:08,118 --> 01:05:10,087 Tully Bascombe. Remember? 658 01:05:10,287 --> 01:05:12,779 How could I forget? What do you want? 659 01:05:13,357 --> 01:05:16,725 I want to talk about being friends. 660 01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:22,456 - That was then. We can't be friends. - Do you mean that? 661 01:05:22,766 --> 01:05:25,827 Yes, I do. Get out! 662 01:05:30,374 --> 01:05:32,809 - Get out of here! - You screamed. 663 01:05:33,043 --> 01:05:38,004 How dare you come in when I'm in this miserable barrel? 664 01:05:38,315 --> 01:05:43,686 - It was made by old barrel-makers. - Who cares? Now get out. 665 01:05:43,887 --> 01:05:48,291 - I'll wait out there. - No, come back tomorrow. 666 01:05:48,492 --> 01:05:51,894 I'll just wait, if you don't mind. 667 01:06:15,018 --> 01:06:16,543 Guard? 668 01:06:20,090 --> 01:06:24,926 I've come to discuss an important matter with Duchess Gloriana. 669 01:06:25,162 --> 01:06:28,223 - We admit no one. - It's very important. 670 01:06:28,432 --> 01:06:34,303 - That's what they all say. - It's about the surrender terms. 671 01:06:34,504 --> 01:06:38,373 - Whose? - Ours. 672 01:06:38,575 --> 01:06:41,807 - Wait here with the others. - Guard! 673 01:06:42,012 --> 01:06:43,446 Aggressor! 674 01:06:45,449 --> 01:06:49,910 We all have to wait until the workers permit us to enter. 675 01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:51,918 Oh, yeah. Sure. 676 01:06:52,856 --> 01:06:57,385 Guard! A little caviar, comrade? 677 01:06:57,594 --> 01:06:59,586 Never touch it. 678 01:07:00,564 --> 01:07:05,935 - We haven't much time, general. - Shouldn't Dr. Kokintz disconnect it? 679 01:07:06,136 --> 01:07:11,632 - We can't find him. - Come now, general, please. 680 01:07:11,875 --> 01:07:13,741 Who's going to carry it? 681 01:07:43,573 --> 01:07:44,973 Shall we? 682 01:08:02,192 --> 01:08:05,890 No use hanging around. I have nothing to say to you. 683 01:08:06,096 --> 01:08:08,759 So will you please go? 684 01:08:09,466 --> 01:08:11,264 I see. 685 01:08:12,636 --> 01:08:15,663 - Well, goodbye. - Goodbye! 686 01:08:15,939 --> 01:08:20,843 If I never see this antique tourist trap again, I'll be happy! 687 01:08:21,044 --> 01:08:25,004 - You forget we won the war! - You snuck up on us. 688 01:08:25,215 --> 01:08:30,449 - Everybody was underground. - But we won, and we got your bomb. 689 01:08:30,654 --> 01:08:34,421 - You stole it! - It's captured booty. 690 01:08:34,624 --> 01:08:40,029 - It belongs to the United States. - And you belong to me. My prisoner! 691 01:08:51,808 --> 01:08:53,367 Thief! 692 01:09:20,070 --> 01:09:22,164 - Get the car. - Right. 693 01:09:23,573 --> 01:09:26,008 - Go away. - It's me. 694 01:09:35,685 --> 01:09:39,087 - Are you sure my father's waiting? - Would I lie? 695 01:09:39,289 --> 01:09:42,521 - Yes. - Thank you. I promise you he is. 696 01:09:42,726 --> 01:09:45,662 - Please come along. - Who is it? 697 01:09:45,996 --> 01:09:50,491 - It's me again. Tully. - Go away! 698 01:09:50,700 --> 01:09:56,367 I just want to say that I'm sorry. I've thought the whole thing over... 699 01:09:56,573 --> 01:10:00,374 - ...and my problem is that I love you. - You do? 700 01:10:00,577 --> 01:10:04,446 - Furthermore, I think you love me. - I do? 701 01:10:04,748 --> 01:10:10,517 - Yes. Can I come in now? - You just wait a minute while I think. 702 01:10:10,787 --> 01:10:14,724 - Take your time. - He said he loved me. He means it. 703 01:10:14,925 --> 01:10:17,292 - He's an idiot. - He's nice. 704 01:10:17,527 --> 01:10:18,927 Write him a letter. 705 01:10:19,129 --> 01:10:24,227 - I think I've always liked him. - So have I, but please let's go. 706 01:10:24,434 --> 01:10:29,737 Where are they? Some transportation, I must say. 707 01:10:29,940 --> 01:10:34,036 It belongs to the duchess. I only hope she doesn't find out. 708 01:10:34,244 --> 01:10:35,803 I have other worries. 709 01:10:49,693 --> 01:10:51,286 Where's my father? 710 01:10:51,494 --> 01:10:52,757 - Where is he? - You had him. 711 01:10:52,963 --> 01:10:58,334 - I knew you were a snake. - We shall look after your father. 712 01:10:58,568 --> 01:11:01,094 Get the bomb home. He'll be safe. 713 01:11:01,304 --> 01:11:05,765 You expect me to escape without the bomb being dismantled? 714 01:11:05,976 --> 01:11:10,175 There's no time to argue. Please go. 715 01:11:11,948 --> 01:11:13,974 Bon voyage. 716 01:11:15,285 --> 01:11:19,814 - Where do you suppose the doctor is? - Haven't the faintest idea. 717 01:11:30,300 --> 01:11:33,293 My girl and my bomb! 718 01:11:37,641 --> 01:11:40,236 This is not the end of our film. 719 01:11:40,477 --> 01:11:43,914 But something like this could happen at any moment. 720 01:11:44,147 --> 01:11:47,982 We want to prepare you and put you in the mood. 721 01:11:49,419 --> 01:11:52,014 Thank you. Now back to our story. 722 01:11:54,057 --> 01:11:56,686 Five! I have another throw. 723 01:11:58,395 --> 01:12:02,992 Well! Six. One, two, three, four, five, six. 724 01:12:03,199 --> 01:12:06,135 I bomb Philadelphia. Who owns it? 725 01:12:06,336 --> 01:12:09,670 - I do. - You owe me 500 heavy bombers. 726 01:12:09,873 --> 01:12:11,398 Here. 727 01:12:11,675 --> 01:12:13,166 Now it's my turn. 728 01:12:14,544 --> 01:12:16,775 Four. One, two, three, four. 729 01:12:17,147 --> 01:12:19,241 "Take a chance." 730 01:12:19,950 --> 01:12:22,283 "Go to salt mines." 731 01:12:22,519 --> 01:12:26,081 Fortunately, I can pay a fine instead. 732 01:12:28,558 --> 01:12:32,222 I get Saudi Arabia! Not a bad game. 733 01:12:32,429 --> 01:12:36,696 It's called Diplomacy. It's my chauffeur's. Good fun. 734 01:12:36,900 --> 01:12:38,391 - My throw? - Yes. 735 01:13:05,628 --> 01:13:07,597 Stop it, you idiot! 736 01:13:09,933 --> 01:13:11,265 Stop it! 737 01:13:17,907 --> 01:13:20,103 Fix the car, you idiot! 738 01:13:21,311 --> 01:13:27,581 - Hold this. It is your father's. - Oh, no, not me. I'm only a girl. 739 01:13:38,261 --> 01:13:40,526 - Hurry it up. - Gently. 740 01:14:52,368 --> 01:14:55,031 Careful! Stop that. 741 01:14:55,705 --> 01:14:59,369 - What's the matter now? - It won't make the hill. 742 01:14:59,576 --> 01:15:02,307 Then get out and push. 743 01:15:08,051 --> 01:15:09,815 Don't jerk it. 744 01:15:13,256 --> 01:15:14,815 Steady. 745 01:15:15,925 --> 01:15:17,917 Put some weight behind it. 746 01:15:22,899 --> 01:15:25,027 Easy, boys. 747 01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:08,135 - A car just went into that haystack. - By Jove! 748 01:16:08,878 --> 01:16:13,782 Come on, get him out! General Snippet, are you all right? 749 01:16:19,822 --> 01:16:23,122 - Hurry! - General Snippet, are you all right? 750 01:16:24,160 --> 01:16:26,755 The bomb! It's going off! 751 01:17:23,553 --> 01:17:25,317 Well, I'm ready. 752 01:17:30,593 --> 01:17:34,360 Well, I've never been a prime minister before... 753 01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:39,828 Anyway, point one: 754 01:17:40,036 --> 01:17:44,599 The California wine must go off the market. 755 01:17:44,841 --> 01:17:48,175 - You want that in the peace treaty? - Oh, yes. 756 01:17:48,378 --> 01:17:50,847 - And a million dollars. - A billion? 757 01:17:51,080 --> 01:17:55,541 - Just a million. - You can't ask for a measly million. 758 01:17:55,752 --> 01:17:58,244 We spent more in Germany on one city. 759 01:17:58,488 --> 01:18:02,721 - But they lost. - You may have to take a billion. 760 01:18:02,925 --> 01:18:06,020 If you could try, sir. 761 01:18:06,229 --> 01:18:11,634 We'd like some in the form of bathtubs and other plumbing equipment, right? 762 01:18:11,868 --> 01:18:15,737 - Yes, dear. - We're going to be married. 763 01:18:15,938 --> 01:18:19,568 Congratulations. What about the bomb? 764 01:18:19,776 --> 01:18:24,737 The bomb stays here. And Dr. Kokintz too. 765 01:18:24,947 --> 01:18:28,782 We want him to develop chewing gum with a pinot flavor. 766 01:18:29,018 --> 01:18:32,511 We expect to export it to the United States. 767 01:18:32,738 --> 01:18:37,267 - Do you want that in the treaty? - Absolutely. 768 01:18:37,460 --> 01:18:43,058 But surely you realize you can't keep the bomb indefinitely. 769 01:18:43,266 --> 01:18:45,633 We'd like your president... 770 01:18:45,835 --> 01:18:49,465 ...to try and persuade the United Nations... 771 01:18:49,672 --> 01:18:53,131 ...to let the little countries look after the bomb. 772 01:18:53,409 --> 01:18:56,140 We want disarmament, with... 773 01:18:56,346 --> 01:19:01,182 ...the little nations in charge of the inspection. 774 01:19:01,617 --> 01:19:07,420 I see. I think. But everybody's cried for disarmament for years... 775 01:19:07,623 --> 01:19:12,061 ...and nothing happened. What do you offer the big nations? 776 01:19:12,261 --> 01:19:18,690 We offer trust. They can't agree because they all suspect each other. 777 01:19:19,869 --> 01:19:23,806 We all hoped things would be better after the last war. 778 01:19:24,006 --> 01:19:27,101 They're worse with all these bombs. 779 01:19:27,310 --> 01:19:30,974 You believe big nations will trust small nations... 780 01:19:31,180 --> 01:19:34,844 ...to set up a disarmament policy for them? 781 01:19:35,084 --> 01:19:40,079 I hope so. Because if they don't, we'll just have to explode the bomb. 782 01:19:40,456 --> 01:19:43,688 - You'd be blown up too! - Mr. Secretary... 783 01:19:43,893 --> 01:19:47,853 ...if there were an atomic war, Fenwick would be destroyed. 784 01:19:48,097 --> 01:19:52,694 - Aren't we just prolonging the agony? - I see what you mean. 785 01:19:52,902 --> 01:19:57,499 America wants nothing more than peace. I'll do my very best. 786 01:19:57,707 --> 01:20:00,700 And for all our sakes, I hope you make it. 787 01:20:00,910 --> 01:20:02,879 It was nice of you to come. 788 01:20:03,613 --> 01:20:06,845 You'll be escorted back to the border. 789 01:20:07,049 --> 01:20:10,850 Give my love to your president, and Mrs. Coolidge. 790 01:20:14,724 --> 01:20:18,058 Your Highness, please, this is important. 791 01:20:18,261 --> 01:20:23,256 The bomb has had a shaking up. I'd better look at it soon as possible. 792 01:20:23,499 --> 01:20:26,560 - In fact, now. - Yes, I do think Papa's right. 793 01:20:26,769 --> 01:20:30,001 Well, do be careful, won't you, Papa? 794 01:20:55,465 --> 01:20:57,229 Thank you. 795 01:21:37,940 --> 01:21:40,273 You are a dud? 796 01:21:42,144 --> 01:21:47,014 All the time, it was a dud. Remarkable. 797 01:21:47,283 --> 01:21:51,345 - Congratulations. - Papa, I'm proud of you. 798 01:22:02,832 --> 01:22:04,767 Only we know. 799 01:22:17,613 --> 01:22:21,983 - How's the bomb? - Never better, Will. 800 01:22:22,184 --> 01:22:23,652 All right, carry on.