1 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:08,776 And so, in retiring as president of this college, 2 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,906 it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye. 3 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,742 And now, with the utmost pleasure, 4 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:20,955 may I present the man who is to guide the destiny of this great institution: 5 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:26,294 Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff! 6 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:36,304 Professor, it is an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. 7 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:39,098 Never mind that, hold this coat. 8 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,563 By the way, there's no smoking. 9 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,065 That's what you said. 10 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:54,197 It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. 11 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:59,410 The faculty can keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. 12 00:02:00,661 --> 00:02:02,747 Members of the faculty, faculty members, 13 00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,041 students of Huxley and Huxley students! 14 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,501 I guess that covers everything. 15 00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:10,296 I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. 16 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:14,759 Which reminds me of a story so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. 17 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:19,764 As I look at your faces, I understand why this college is flat on its back. 18 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:24,518 At my last college, it was slightly different. I was flat on my back. 19 00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:27,354 Things went from bad to worse, but we all pulled together, 20 00:02:27,771 --> 00:02:30,149 and soon I was flat on my back again. 21 00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:32,776 Any questions? Any answers? 22 00:02:33,193 --> 00:02:36,238 Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? And rags... 23 00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:40,826 Let's have some action around here. Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? 24 00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:43,495 That's the spirit! 1776! 25 00:02:43,954 --> 00:02:45,873 You'd like to know why I'm here. 26 00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:48,459 I came here to get my son out. 27 00:02:48,876 --> 00:02:51,795 I remember the day he left: A mere boy and a beardless youth. 28 00:02:52,212 --> 00:02:56,258 I kissed them both goodbye. By the way, where is my son? 29 00:02:57,301 --> 00:03:00,637 Young lady, would you get up so I can see the son rise? 30 00:03:03,098 --> 00:03:07,769 So, doing your homework in school, eh? - Hello, old-timer! 31 00:03:08,186 --> 00:03:13,442 I'm sure the students would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 32 00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:17,988 What? - I said they would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 33 00:03:18,405 --> 00:03:21,742 You just said that. That's the trouble around here: Talk, talk, talk. 34 00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:26,163 I think I must go mad. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? 35 00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:29,458 Go home to your wife. No, I'll go home to your wife. 36 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,960 Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. 37 00:03:32,377 --> 00:03:36,339 Pull over to the side of the road and let me see your marriage licence. 38 00:03:36,756 --> 00:03:39,926 President Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes... 39 00:03:40,343 --> 00:03:42,804 Oh, is that what I stepped in? 40 00:03:43,221 --> 00:03:47,559 At least you could have cleaned them. - The trustees have a few suggestions. 41 00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:51,313 I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. 42 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:56,609 "I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, 43 00:03:57,027 --> 00:03:59,237 Whatever it is, I'm against it. 44 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:05,326 No matter what it is and who commenced it, I'm against it. 45 00:04:06,786 --> 00:04:11,040 Your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood. 46 00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:12,917 I'm against it! 47 00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:17,755 And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it. 48 00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:21,342 I'm opposed to it. 49 00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:24,012 On general principles opposed to it." 50 00:04:24,637 --> 00:04:29,475 "He's opposed to it. In fact it seems that he's opposed to it!" 51 00:04:32,854 --> 00:04:35,982 "For months before my son was born, I used to yell from night to morn: 52 00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:39,235 Whatever it is, I'm against it! 53 00:04:39,652 --> 00:04:44,657 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 54 00:04:51,164 --> 00:04:55,418 "Knowing Dad as I do, I'd not advise you 55 00:04:55,835 --> 00:05:00,089 to displease him, or tease him. No, no! 56 00:05:00,506 --> 00:05:06,304 Don't double-cross him or toss him around. 57 00:05:07,555 --> 00:05:11,475 When dear old Dad once gets mad 58 00:05:11,892 --> 00:05:15,146 he's a hound!" 59 00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:19,108 "My son is right, I'm quick to fight, I'm from a fighting clan. 60 00:05:19,525 --> 00:05:23,028 When I'm abused or badly used, I always get my man. 61 00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:28,117 No matter if he's in Peru, Peduka or Japan, 62 00:05:28,534 --> 00:05:31,203 I go ahead, alive or dead, I always get my man." 63 00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:37,084 "He goes ahead, alive or dead, he always gets his man." 64 00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:40,212 "I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan. 65 00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:44,258 As Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale: I always get my man." 66 00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:15,831 "He always gets his man!" 67 00:06:16,248 --> 00:06:18,709 "That's what I said." - "He always gets his man!" 68 00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:21,753 "That's what I mean." - "He always gets his man!" 69 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:27,050 "You're telling me?" - "He always gets his man!" - "Oh, are you listening?" 70 00:06:29,177 --> 00:06:31,763 "He gets his man! He gets his man!" 71 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:34,558 "I always get, I always get, 72 00:06:34,975 --> 00:06:38,812 I always get, I always get, I always get, 73 00:06:39,438 --> 00:06:45,485 I always get my man!" 74 00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:51,783 Splendid, Professor! - Congratulations! - Thank you. 75 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:56,705 Marvellous! - Alright scram, boys, I'll meet you in the barber shop. 76 00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:03,378 Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. 77 00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:08,758 My boy, you took the words out of my mouth: I'm ashamed to be your father. 78 00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:12,303 You're a disgrace to the family name Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. 79 00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:15,598 What's this about you fooling around with the college widow? 80 00:07:16,015 --> 00:07:18,977 No wonder you've been 12 years in the same college! 81 00:07:19,394 --> 00:07:23,106 I went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 widows. 82 00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:25,650 At your age I went to bed right after supper. 83 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:30,113 Sometimes before supper. Or I went without supper, and didn't go to bed. 84 00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:33,866 A college widow stood for something in those days. She stood for plenty. 85 00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:37,829 There's nothing between me and her. - Then you're crazy to fool with her. 86 00:07:38,246 --> 00:07:41,124 But... - I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob! 87 00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:44,836 I'd horsewhip you, if I had a horse. You may go now. 88 00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:49,465 Leave your name with the girl outside. We'll be in touch with you. 89 00:07:49,882 --> 00:07:52,218 Where are you going? - You just told me to go. 90 00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:55,888 That's what they teach you here? I tell you to go and you leave me? 91 00:07:56,305 --> 00:07:59,475 You know you can't leave a school-room without raising your hand. 92 00:07:59,892 --> 00:08:03,145 This school has had a new president every year since 1888, 93 00:08:03,563 --> 00:08:05,398 when we won our last football game. 94 00:08:05,815 --> 00:08:09,151 I like education as well as the next man... - Then let me talk to him. 95 00:08:09,569 --> 00:08:14,031 ...but besides education, this college needs a good football team. 96 00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:19,370 And for a good football team, you need good football players. - My boy, 97 00:08:19,787 --> 00:08:22,998 I think you've got something. I'll wait outside until you clean it up. 98 00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:27,086 One more question: Where do you get good football players? 99 00:08:27,503 --> 00:08:29,338 In the speakeasy... - In a speakeasy? 100 00:08:29,755 --> 00:08:32,633 Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy? 101 00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:36,387 Two of the best players in the country hang out there. 102 00:08:36,804 --> 00:08:41,308 You suggest that I go there, without even giving me the address? 103 00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:44,603 42, Elm Street. But you can't go there, it isn't ethical. 104 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:48,357 It's not right for a college to buy football players. - It isn't, eh? 105 00:08:48,774 --> 00:08:53,112 Well, come on and we'll have a nip. Better still, you wait here. 106 00:08:53,529 --> 00:08:57,116 Anything further, Father? - "Anything further, Father?" That can't be right. 107 00:08:57,533 --> 00:09:00,703 Isn't it "Anything Father, further?" The idea! I married 108 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,957 your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment with you! 109 00:09:07,376 --> 00:09:13,173 "And I kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 110 00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:26,061 That's my proposition. How about it? 111 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:29,106 It's OK with us, Mr. Jennings, but 112 00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:32,109 how are you gonna fix it? - Don't worry, it's fixed already. 113 00:09:32,526 --> 00:09:36,530 You'll be entered as Darwin students to play in the game against Huxley. 114 00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:40,951 Yeah, but how about the dough? - Here's a little to start with. 115 00:09:41,368 --> 00:09:44,746 You get the balance after the game. With you boys playing for Darwin, 116 00:09:45,163 --> 00:09:50,377 Huxley can't win. - You said it! - Here's to dear old Darwin. 117 00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:53,547 Alright boys, let's go. 118 00:09:56,675 --> 00:09:58,885 Bye. - So long. 119 00:10:00,762 --> 00:10:01,805 Baravelli! 120 00:10:10,772 --> 00:10:11,815 Hello? 121 00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:16,236 Yes, lady, this is Baravelli, the ice man. What do you want? 122 00:10:16,653 --> 00:10:20,156 One quart of scotch, one quart of rye. 123 00:10:20,573 --> 00:10:23,326 Hold on, I see if I got 'em. 124 00:10:24,744 --> 00:10:27,121 One quart of scotch. 125 00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,332 One quart of rye. 126 00:10:29,749 --> 00:10:31,876 OK, lady, I send 'em right over. 127 00:10:42,929 --> 00:10:44,097 Hey, Baravelli! 128 00:10:50,561 --> 00:10:52,730 What do ya want? - Watch the door for a few minutes. 129 00:10:53,147 --> 00:10:55,650 And don't let anyone in without the password. 130 00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:58,611 What is it? - Swordfish is the password, right? 131 00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:01,614 OK, I got it. - Well, what is it? - Password. 132 00:11:02,031 --> 00:11:05,660 Swordfish! Swordfish. - Alright, swordfish! 133 00:11:10,998 --> 00:11:15,670 Who are you? - I'm fine. Who are you? - I'm fine, too. You need a password. 134 00:11:16,087 --> 00:11:19,173 Well, what is the password? - Oh no, you gotta tell me. 135 00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:22,426 I tell what I do, I give you three guesses. 136 00:11:23,302 --> 00:11:27,223 It's the name of a fish. - Is it Mary? 137 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,559 That's no fish! - She isn't? She drinks like one. 138 00:11:30,976 --> 00:11:33,312 Let me see. Is it sturgeon? 139 00:11:33,729 --> 00:11:37,066 You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor, cuts you open when you sick. 140 00:11:37,483 --> 00:11:40,361 You got one more chance. - I got it. Haddock. 141 00:11:40,778 --> 00:11:46,617 Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do you take? - Sometimes calomel... 142 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:50,537 I'd walk a mile for a calomel. - You mean chocolate calomel. Me too. 143 00:11:50,955 --> 00:11:52,915 But you no guess it. 144 00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:58,337 Hey, you no understand English? You only get in if you say swordfish. 145 00:11:58,754 --> 00:12:02,633 Now, I give you one more guess. - Swordfish... swordfish... 146 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:07,012 I think I got it. Is it swordfish? - Ha! That's it! You guess it! 147 00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:11,600 Pretty good, eh? - Fine, you guess it... 148 00:12:13,644 --> 00:12:17,856 What do you want? - To come in. - Password? - You don't fool me! 149 00:12:18,273 --> 00:12:22,444 Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that. I changed it. 150 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,616 What's the password now? - I forgot it. I better come outside. 151 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:44,758 Buddy, can you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. 152 00:12:48,678 --> 00:12:50,764 Hey, here comes my partner. 153 00:12:52,432 --> 00:12:53,475 Hey, Pinky, 154 00:12:53,892 --> 00:12:55,894 do you know the password? 155 00:13:03,902 --> 00:13:07,864 Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's how you come out. 156 00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,405 Hey, what'll you have? 157 00:13:50,114 --> 00:13:52,367 He'll take a scotch. - Right. 158 00:13:52,784 --> 00:13:56,579 I got it! Swordfish. - Go outside and see if it works. 159 00:14:26,025 --> 00:14:27,652 Cut the cards. 160 00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:37,203 Now, to business. I'm looking for two football players who hang around here. 161 00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:40,206 We hang around here... - That's all I wanna know. 162 00:14:40,623 --> 00:14:43,751 Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College. - That means nothing to me. 163 00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:46,837 Means nothing to me, either. I'll try it over again. 164 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,340 I'm Prof. Huxley from Wagstaff College. 165 00:14:49,757 --> 00:14:51,800 You didn't stay at the other one long. 166 00:14:52,218 --> 00:14:56,805 Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? - I'll talk it over with my partner. 167 00:15:43,602 --> 00:15:47,647 In case I never see you again, what would you want to play football? 168 00:15:48,065 --> 00:15:51,193 First we want a football. - I don't know if we've got one. 169 00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:55,197 If we had, would you be interested? No rush, you can sleep on it. 170 00:15:55,614 --> 00:16:00,577 I no think I can sleep on a football. - Who's gonna settle for these drinks? 171 00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:07,125 You're stuck. - Can you cash a check for $15.22? - Sure. 172 00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:17,260 Five, ten, fifteen and twenty-two. 173 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:23,058 As soon as I get the check, I'll send it to ya. Swordfish! 174 00:16:28,897 --> 00:16:30,899 Laura! - Good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. 175 00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:34,819 Am I too early? - No, shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? - No, I will. 176 00:16:35,236 --> 00:16:38,990 Give me the tray. Would you open the door? 177 00:16:45,955 --> 00:16:47,707 Your breakfast, Madam. Anything else? 178 00:16:48,124 --> 00:16:52,086 Yes, put some cream in my coffee, and tell me where you've been. 179 00:16:52,503 --> 00:16:56,841 Busy arguing with Dad about you. How many? - Two. 180 00:16:57,258 --> 00:17:00,762 Well, what about me? - Dad wants me to give you up. 181 00:17:01,179 --> 00:17:03,389 You're interfering with my studies. 182 00:17:04,515 --> 00:17:08,561 He must think I'm terrible. - I think you're wonderful. Beautiful. 183 00:17:08,978 --> 00:17:12,023 Are you making love to me? - Why not? 184 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:18,863 "Everyone says I love you, the cop on the corner and the burglar, too, 185 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:25,119 the preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew, says I love you. 186 00:17:27,121 --> 00:17:33,836 Everyone, no matter who, the folks over 80 and the kid of 2, 187 00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:40,259 the captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew, says I love you. 188 00:17:42,053 --> 00:17:46,223 There are only 8 little letters in this phrase, 189 00:17:46,974 --> 00:17:49,185 you will find, 190 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:56,692 but they mean a lot more than all the other words combined. 191 00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:04,408 Everywhere the whole world through, the king and the peasant, too, 192 00:18:04,825 --> 00:18:10,831 The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo, says I love you." 193 00:19:14,603 --> 00:19:19,566 Get that crate out of here! You think this is a picnic? 194 00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:24,612 Blocking traffic, holding up cars... Who do you think you are? 195 00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:32,537 You know what I'm going to do to you? 196 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:37,083 You're a wise guy, ain't you? Let go of that club! 197 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,752 You see that badge? 198 00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:31,846 And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. 199 00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:37,560 Trouble is we're neglecting football for education. - You are right. 200 00:20:37,977 --> 00:20:41,147 No, I'm wrong. I was just testing you. 201 00:20:41,564 --> 00:20:44,567 Now I know I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. 202 00:20:44,984 --> 00:20:49,363 There's too much football, and not enough education. - I think so, too. 203 00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:53,784 Wrong again! If there was a snake here I'd apologize. 204 00:20:54,201 --> 00:20:56,162 Where would the college be without football? 205 00:20:56,579 --> 00:20:59,206 Have we got a stadium? - Yes. - And a college? - Yes. 206 00:20:59,623 --> 00:21:03,210 Well, we can't support both. Start tearing down the college. 207 00:21:03,627 --> 00:21:06,964 But where will the students sleep? - Same as always. In the classroom. 208 00:21:07,381 --> 00:21:10,593 Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know when he'll see you. 209 00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:13,387 He said he's tired of cooling his heels out here. 210 00:21:14,013 --> 00:21:17,016 Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. 211 00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:20,060 Now, where were we? Oh yes. 212 00:21:21,854 --> 00:21:25,691 How much am I paying you fellas? - 5,000. But we haven't been paid. 213 00:21:26,108 --> 00:21:31,321 In that case, I'll raise it to 8,000. And a bonus, for you and your dog. 214 00:21:32,489 --> 00:21:34,992 The Dean's furious. He's waxing wroth! 215 00:21:35,409 --> 00:21:38,620 Is Wroth there, too? Tell him to wax the Dean for a while. 216 00:21:39,037 --> 00:21:42,165 Guess that's bad, eh? - One more thing, Professor. 217 00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:44,209 It's about your son. 218 00:21:45,002 --> 00:21:48,422 I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies, 219 00:21:48,839 --> 00:21:51,341 and too much to Connie Bailey. 220 00:21:51,758 --> 00:21:54,386 I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. 221 00:21:54,886 --> 00:21:59,516 Either of you weasels got her number? - No. - Good thing I have. 222 00:22:02,144 --> 00:22:05,355 Get me Maine 4-9970 and reverse the charges. 223 00:22:05,772 --> 00:22:09,901 You may go now. Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. 224 00:22:10,944 --> 00:22:15,198 Hello, I want to speak to Miss Bailey. Is this Miss Bailey? 225 00:22:15,615 --> 00:22:18,952 Why, of course I know your son. 226 00:22:20,662 --> 00:22:24,833 Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. 227 00:22:26,209 --> 00:22:28,503 Professor, I don't understand. 228 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,548 You don't? Come over to my office. 229 00:22:31,965 --> 00:22:35,385 You're in bed? In that case, I'll come to your office. 230 00:22:51,442 --> 00:22:55,905 Where are your tongs? Looks like a tong war. 231 00:22:57,448 --> 00:22:59,993 No more ice until you pay the bill. 232 00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:03,746 How much do we owe you? - $2,000. - Just for ice? 233 00:23:04,163 --> 00:23:07,000 I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. 234 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:22,473 I tell you what: You owe us 200. We take 2,000 and call it square. 235 00:23:22,890 --> 00:23:27,937 I'll consult my lawyer. If he tells me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. 236 00:23:28,354 --> 00:23:32,608 Forget about the money. Go to college, and get yourself a co-ed. 237 00:23:33,025 --> 00:23:36,988 I gotta co-ed last week for $18, a co-ed with two pairs of pants. 238 00:23:37,405 --> 00:23:41,284 Since when has a co-ed two pairs of pants? - Since I joined college. 239 00:23:41,701 --> 00:23:45,371 Baravelli, you've got the brain of a 4-year-old boy. 240 00:23:45,788 --> 00:23:48,916 Now that you're a college boy, here's your hat, 241 00:23:49,333 --> 00:23:51,961 your pennant, your coat. 242 00:23:57,925 --> 00:24:01,720 Report for football practice in the morning. Now, sign this agreement. 243 00:24:02,138 --> 00:24:06,267 There's nothing on this paper. - We'll fill in something later. 244 00:24:07,309 --> 00:24:11,897 Here, put your name on there. Gee, I didn't know you could write. 245 00:24:12,314 --> 00:24:15,192 Wait a minute, this isn't legal. There's no seal on it. 246 00:24:15,609 --> 00:24:19,196 Where's the seal? - Where's the seal? 247 00:24:27,037 --> 00:24:30,165 And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system 248 00:24:30,582 --> 00:24:33,710 is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream, 249 00:24:34,128 --> 00:24:36,296 which is called osmosis... 250 00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:39,466 Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? 251 00:24:39,883 --> 00:24:43,053 Mr President, what a pleasure! What brings you here? 252 00:24:43,470 --> 00:24:47,975 A bicycle, but I left it in the hall. I brought you two dunces. 253 00:24:48,392 --> 00:24:51,311 Come in, dunces. Here they are, 10 cents a dunce. 254 00:24:55,232 --> 00:24:57,776 Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. 255 00:24:58,193 --> 00:25:01,029 Find yourselves a couple of seats. 256 00:25:09,663 --> 00:25:11,998 Now, let us go on with our lecture. 257 00:25:12,416 --> 00:25:14,918 I wish you'd go on without your lecture. 258 00:25:15,836 --> 00:25:21,216 What do you think of that slide? - I think he was safe at second. 259 00:25:21,758 --> 00:25:23,385 Now, the circulatory system! 260 00:25:23,927 --> 00:25:26,221 Here is the liver. 261 00:25:26,638 --> 00:25:29,766 What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. 262 00:25:30,183 --> 00:25:33,561 The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis 263 00:25:33,979 --> 00:25:36,815 You are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. 264 00:25:37,232 --> 00:25:39,734 Sure! So roses are red, so violets are blue, 265 00:25:40,151 --> 00:25:42,195 so sugar is sweet, so so are you. 266 00:25:43,071 --> 00:25:45,073 I bet I know who it is. 267 00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:48,368 To protect the heart, or cardium, 268 00:25:48,785 --> 00:25:52,539 Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. 269 00:25:52,956 --> 00:25:54,124 Any questions? 270 00:25:54,165 --> 00:25:57,001 Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? 271 00:25:58,419 --> 00:26:02,924 Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio 272 00:26:03,341 --> 00:26:05,843 to the coordination of the palyphus. 273 00:26:06,261 --> 00:26:10,974 Is this stuff on the level, or are you just making it up as you go along? 274 00:26:11,391 --> 00:26:14,727 Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest anatomy book. 275 00:26:15,144 --> 00:26:18,731 I'm sure my students will bear me out. - We'll bear you out. 276 00:26:24,737 --> 00:26:26,823 Let that be a lesson to all of you. 277 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,742 This school will be here long after you're gone. 278 00:26:30,159 --> 00:26:32,078 That goes for you, too. 279 00:26:43,214 --> 00:26:45,549 Leave me alone! 280 00:26:50,387 --> 00:26:53,890 Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. 281 00:26:54,391 --> 00:26:57,185 Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. 282 00:26:57,602 --> 00:27:00,814 There is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. 283 00:27:01,231 --> 00:27:04,692 Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle? - That's easy. 284 00:27:05,235 --> 00:27:08,738 There's a captain, then a lieutenant, then there's a corpuscle. 285 00:27:09,364 --> 00:27:14,327 That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out. 286 00:27:15,578 --> 00:27:20,792 We now find ourselves among the Alps, simple people who eat rice and shoes. 287 00:27:21,209 --> 00:27:25,254 Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord Alps those who Alp themselves. 288 00:27:25,672 --> 00:27:29,008 The blood rushes from the head to the feet, gets a look at those feet, 289 00:27:29,425 --> 00:27:31,552 and rushes back to the head again. 290 00:27:31,969 --> 00:27:34,722 This is known as auction pinochle. 291 00:27:35,348 --> 00:27:39,435 We first listen to your hearts beat, and if your hearts beat anything 292 00:27:39,852 --> 00:27:43,022 but diamonds and clubs, your partner is cheating. Or your wife. 293 00:27:43,940 --> 00:27:46,317 Now take this point, for instance... 294 00:27:48,152 --> 00:27:50,488 That reminds me. Where's my son? 295 00:27:50,905 --> 00:27:54,534 Well, the human body takes many strange forms. 296 00:27:54,951 --> 00:27:56,827 Now, here is a most unusual organ. 297 00:27:57,245 --> 00:28:00,498 The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. 298 00:28:01,666 --> 00:28:05,086 Scientists examine rats, or your landlord who won't cut the rent. 299 00:28:05,503 --> 00:28:07,421 And what do they find? Asparagus. 300 00:28:07,922 --> 00:28:10,049 Now, on closer examination... 301 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:13,552 This needs closer examination. 302 00:28:13,969 --> 00:28:15,721 In fact, it needs a nightgown. 303 00:28:16,138 --> 00:28:18,682 Baravelli, who did this? Is this your picture? 304 00:28:19,308 --> 00:28:21,519 It doesn't look like me. - Well, take it away 305 00:28:21,936 --> 00:28:25,981 and hang it in my bedroom. Now, who did it? 306 00:28:27,316 --> 00:28:29,276 So you're the culprit. 307 00:28:29,693 --> 00:28:32,905 Young man, you can't burn the candle at both ends. 308 00:28:36,283 --> 00:28:39,453 Well, I was wrong. I thought it was a candle. 309 00:28:39,870 --> 00:28:42,790 Well, you must be punished. You stay after school. 310 00:28:43,207 --> 00:28:45,042 But I didn't do anything. 311 00:28:45,459 --> 00:28:49,129 I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school. 312 00:28:49,671 --> 00:28:51,757 Now, we'll have no more interruptions. 313 00:28:52,508 --> 00:28:56,887 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 314 00:28:57,304 --> 00:28:58,305 phagocytes... 315 00:29:03,936 --> 00:29:07,022 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 316 00:29:07,439 --> 00:29:08,482 er, phagocytes... 317 00:29:13,528 --> 00:29:15,322 According to von... 318 00:29:15,822 --> 00:29:17,407 According to von Steinmetz... 319 00:29:21,870 --> 00:29:25,707 According to von Steinmetz, a group of white phagocytes is present. 320 00:29:27,626 --> 00:29:33,006 And they are essential to prolonging life. 321 00:29:34,925 --> 00:29:37,928 My left wing has been turned, my rear end has been cut off. 322 00:29:38,345 --> 00:29:43,058 But I'll fight it out on these lines... They got me! 323 00:29:51,441 --> 00:29:52,567 Hello. 324 00:29:52,984 --> 00:29:55,111 Oh, it's you, Frank. 325 00:29:56,821 --> 00:29:59,741 Why, of course, I'd love to have you come over. 326 00:30:00,158 --> 00:30:02,869 Alright, I'll be expecting you then. 327 00:30:03,286 --> 00:30:05,330 Goodbye, darling. 328 00:30:05,747 --> 00:30:09,959 Who are you calling "darling"? - Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. 329 00:30:10,376 --> 00:30:14,672 I didn't tell you to fall for him, just to find out about his team. 330 00:30:15,089 --> 00:30:17,175 He says Huxley will win. 331 00:30:17,592 --> 00:30:21,763 I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin, and I'm taking no chances. 332 00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:24,515 Before the game starts I'll have the Huxley signals. 333 00:30:24,933 --> 00:30:27,852 Down the hatch and on my way. 334 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:33,274 See you later. 335 00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:36,402 Bye, dear. 336 00:30:52,418 --> 00:30:56,005 Are you still here. - I just came in. 337 00:30:57,590 --> 00:31:02,011 What do you mean, am I still here? - I mean, are you hear already? 338 00:31:02,428 --> 00:31:06,432 I shouldn't be here. The old man gave me a terrible bawling out. 339 00:31:06,849 --> 00:31:10,853 Don't worry about him, he'll never know you were here. 340 00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:15,149 How about a little drink? - Alright, I'll get you one. - Please! 341 00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:33,800 Are you Miss Bailey? 342 00:31:34,217 --> 00:31:37,803 Come, come, one of us is! - I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you? 343 00:31:38,221 --> 00:31:41,098 I'm Prof. Wagstoff. Who are you? - Miss Bailey! 344 00:31:41,516 --> 00:31:44,769 Then you are Miss Bailey. Thought you could fool me. 345 00:31:45,186 --> 00:31:47,230 You've got to give my son up. - Give him up? 346 00:31:47,647 --> 00:31:52,151 He's all I've got, apart from a picture of George Washington. 347 00:31:52,568 --> 00:31:57,198 But... - Lies! He's a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. 348 00:31:57,615 --> 00:31:59,950 I tell you you're ruining him. 349 00:32:00,785 --> 00:32:04,246 Did he tell you that you have beautiful eyes? - Why, yes. 350 00:32:04,663 --> 00:32:06,832 Told me that, too. Tells everyone! 351 00:32:07,249 --> 00:32:11,295 I could sit on your lap all day if you didn't stand up. 352 00:32:11,921 --> 00:32:14,798 Quick, get out! That door. 353 00:32:22,765 --> 00:32:25,059 I don't want any ice. 354 00:32:37,905 --> 00:32:42,367 Who was that? - The ice man. - You can't pull the wool over my ice. 355 00:32:43,410 --> 00:32:45,287 The ice man leaves me cold. 356 00:32:46,038 --> 00:32:48,040 Here you are... - So, I caught you at last. 357 00:32:48,457 --> 00:32:51,919 You are fooling around with her. Oh, the shame of it. 358 00:32:52,336 --> 00:32:56,423 A son taking a dame from his father. - Dad... - Enough, get out of here! 359 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:01,678 I'll settle with this woman, then we'll have you to dinner. Let's go. 360 00:33:02,095 --> 00:33:03,472 Follow me. 361 00:33:09,728 --> 00:33:12,606 Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. 362 00:33:14,608 --> 00:33:16,651 Where were we? Oh yes, I was on your lap. 363 00:33:17,069 --> 00:33:19,738 And doing pretty well, as I recall it. 364 00:33:21,782 --> 00:33:24,451 Hurry, get out! Hurry! 365 00:33:25,076 --> 00:33:29,331 And remember, stay undercover. - I've more students in the college. 366 00:33:32,918 --> 00:33:34,127 You dropped your ice. 367 00:33:34,544 --> 00:33:37,631 I don't want any ice! - Neither do I. 368 00:33:42,552 --> 00:33:44,638 Now do you want any ice? - No! 369 00:33:45,055 --> 00:33:47,182 Oh, you're beautiful. 370 00:33:50,477 --> 00:33:54,731 You're overcoming me. - Thanks for reminding me. 371 00:33:55,148 --> 00:33:58,026 I like you. You got something. 372 00:33:58,443 --> 00:34:00,737 I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. 373 00:34:11,070 --> 00:34:13,156 Professor, what are you doing here? 374 00:34:13,573 --> 00:34:15,783 Nothing, since you came in. 375 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,746 You know him? - He put me on the football team. 376 00:34:20,163 --> 00:34:23,207 Now I just have to get him off the couch. 377 00:34:23,750 --> 00:34:25,835 Read any good books lately? 378 00:34:38,639 --> 00:34:41,184 This must be the main highway. 379 00:34:43,311 --> 00:34:46,939 Follow me, I've been doing this all day. 380 00:34:51,569 --> 00:34:55,323 Pretty popular place. - Yeah, a hot dog stand would clean up. 381 00:34:55,740 --> 00:34:59,660 What are you doing here? - Me? I'm the music teacher. 382 00:35:00,077 --> 00:35:02,413 Since when? - Since you came in. 383 00:35:02,830 --> 00:35:06,709 And you? - I'm the plumber. In case something goes wrong with her pipes. 384 00:35:07,126 --> 00:35:09,044 I haven't used that joke for 20 years. 385 00:35:09,462 --> 00:35:12,131 Take a deep breath and follow me. 386 00:35:24,268 --> 00:35:27,104 Cosy place we have here. 387 00:35:36,196 --> 00:35:38,782 You sing high, eh? - I have a falsetto voice. 388 00:35:39,199 --> 00:35:41,744 My last pupil, she gotta false set of teeth. 389 00:35:42,161 --> 00:35:44,288 So maybe it's better you don't sing. 390 00:35:44,705 --> 00:35:47,374 That's much better. I'll sing. 391 00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:50,002 "Everyone says I love you, 392 00:35:50,419 --> 00:35:52,754 the big mosquito when he sting you, 393 00:35:53,172 --> 00:35:57,467 the fly when he's stuck on the fly paper, too, says I love you. 394 00:35:58,844 --> 00:36:03,307 Every time the cow says "moo", she's making the bull very happy too, 395 00:36:03,724 --> 00:36:08,937 and the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you. 396 00:36:09,688 --> 00:36:14,609 Christopher Columbo, he write the Queen of Spain a nice little note, 397 00:36:15,027 --> 00:36:20,574 he say how I love you, then he get a great big boat. He's a wise guy. 398 00:36:20,991 --> 00:36:26,037 What you think Columbo do, when he's coming here in 1492, 399 00:36:26,455 --> 00:36:32,043 He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy coo, which means I love you!" 400 00:36:32,961 --> 00:36:36,339 Maybe it's better I don't sing, too. - Yes. - Alright, I'll play. 401 00:36:37,924 --> 00:36:43,096 I love good music. - So do I, let's get out of here. - Sit down. 402 00:36:43,722 --> 00:36:49,144 I've got to stay here. But you folks can go into the lobby till it's over. 403 00:37:58,588 --> 00:38:02,550 Well, that's all for the first lesson. Next week I teach you how to breathe. 404 00:38:02,967 --> 00:38:04,969 Don't breathe before then. 405 00:38:06,095 --> 00:38:08,597 If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. 406 00:38:09,015 --> 00:38:11,809 Keep your family out of it. Baravelli! - What? 407 00:38:12,226 --> 00:38:14,603 Are you going my way? - Yes. - Then I'm staying here. 408 00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:20,484 No you don't. And if I find you here again, it'll be curtains. 409 00:38:22,695 --> 00:38:24,697 Tell my son to take that lamp down. 410 00:38:36,124 --> 00:38:37,125 Dad! 411 00:38:37,542 --> 00:38:39,711 You've got the wrong football players. - The whole team? 412 00:38:40,128 --> 00:38:43,172 No, Baravelli and the dog catcher. 413 00:38:43,589 --> 00:38:46,718 But I got them in the speakeasy. - You got the wrong ones. 414 00:38:47,135 --> 00:38:50,972 The ones I told you about are playing for Darwin. - Send for Baravelli. 415 00:38:51,389 --> 00:38:54,892 Don't leave a stone unturned. He's probably under one. 416 00:39:00,189 --> 00:39:01,524 Baravelli! 417 00:39:04,443 --> 00:39:07,822 ...2671, 57, 84, 59, 71... 418 00:39:09,907 --> 00:39:13,786 What are you doing in there? - I'm practising secret signals. 419 00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,123 Come on out. 420 00:39:17,540 --> 00:39:20,751 What do you want? - You can fix it for our team to win. - Oh no, 421 00:39:21,168 --> 00:39:26,215 I want to play. - Alright, but listen. I want two Darwin players kidnapped. 422 00:39:26,632 --> 00:39:30,886 Have you any experience in kidnapping? - You bet. You know what I do? 423 00:39:31,303 --> 00:39:34,140 First I call them up, then I send them my chauffeur. 424 00:39:34,557 --> 00:39:36,642 What kind of a car you got? 425 00:39:37,059 --> 00:39:39,478 I no got a car, just a chauffeur. 426 00:39:39,895 --> 00:39:43,107 But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car? 427 00:39:43,524 --> 00:39:48,404 Well, I had, but it cost too much, so I sold the car. 428 00:39:48,821 --> 00:39:51,699 I would have kept the car. 429 00:39:52,116 --> 00:39:55,786 I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. 430 00:39:56,203 --> 00:39:58,163 How can he take you to work? 431 00:39:58,580 --> 00:40:00,791 He don't have to. I no gotta job. 432 00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:06,505 That's it. How much would you want to stand in front of a firing squad? 433 00:40:08,090 --> 00:40:13,345 Now just a minute, boys. I didn't come here to fight. 434 00:40:13,887 --> 00:40:17,224 You have to, I've taken my coat off. - I wanna talk to Baravelli. 435 00:40:17,641 --> 00:40:19,059 You wouldn't mind stepping out? 436 00:40:19,977 --> 00:40:22,229 I'd love to, but I have to see the girl first. 437 00:40:22,646 --> 00:40:26,775 I've got a proposition. - Watch out, he's nearly as crooked as you. 438 00:40:27,651 --> 00:40:29,319 Let's go in here. 439 00:40:34,449 --> 00:40:37,160 I want you to do something for me. - I'm busy. 440 00:40:37,577 --> 00:40:41,123 We gotta kidnap a couple of players from the Darwin team. 441 00:40:41,540 --> 00:40:44,626 Is that so? You don't mean McHardie and Mullen? 442 00:40:45,043 --> 00:40:48,630 Sounds like it. But the fellas I mean are Mullen and McHardie. 443 00:40:49,047 --> 00:40:53,760 Let me give you a tip. The boys live at 39 Hanley Street. 444 00:40:54,177 --> 00:40:57,305 Thanks! - Now, I want you to do something for me. 445 00:40:57,722 --> 00:41:00,016 What do you want? - Listen, 446 00:41:00,433 --> 00:41:04,187 give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. 447 00:41:04,604 --> 00:41:05,647 Alright. 448 00:41:06,648 --> 00:41:08,650 Here's the signals. 449 00:41:10,527 --> 00:41:13,238 Want a minute, these are Darwin's signals. 450 00:41:13,655 --> 00:41:16,241 You think I'd give you 500 dollars for Darwin's signals? 451 00:41:16,658 --> 00:41:20,245 They cost me 200. I gotta make a little profit. 452 00:44:47,742 --> 00:44:50,536 Listen, you gotta get busy and get those football signals. 453 00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:55,958 I thought you were going to get them. - I wouldn't be asking you then. 454 00:44:56,376 --> 00:45:00,713 You just have to get to the professor. He's got the Huxley signals. 455 00:45:01,130 --> 00:45:04,050 And I'm depending on you to get them. 456 00:45:04,467 --> 00:45:08,054 Yes, but how? - You know how. 457 00:45:08,471 --> 00:45:11,015 Romance him, baby, romance him. 458 00:45:11,432 --> 00:45:15,978 And remember, all you're to get is the football signals. 459 00:45:31,869 --> 00:45:35,206 "Everyone says I love you, 460 00:45:35,623 --> 00:45:39,418 but just what they say it for, I never knew, 461 00:45:39,835 --> 00:45:46,509 it's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you. 462 00:45:48,844 --> 00:45:52,515 Take a pair of rabbits who 463 00:45:52,932 --> 00:45:56,852 get stuck on each other and begin to woo, 464 00:45:57,269 --> 00:46:04,818 and pretty soon you find a million more rabbits who say I love you. 465 00:46:06,195 --> 00:46:14,495 When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, 466 00:46:14,912 --> 00:46:23,045 there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for. 467 00:46:23,462 --> 00:46:31,428 Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, 468 00:46:31,845 --> 00:46:36,934 the duck upon the water, when he feels that way too, says..." 469 00:46:38,602 --> 00:46:41,271 That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. 470 00:46:41,688 --> 00:46:44,775 How would you like it if I butted into your affairs? 471 00:46:51,531 --> 00:46:54,868 This is my first time in a canoe since I saw "The American Tragedy." 472 00:46:55,285 --> 00:46:58,163 You're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. 473 00:46:58,580 --> 00:47:01,833 I was going to get a flat bottom, but the boat girl didn't have one. 474 00:47:02,417 --> 00:47:07,839 I could go on like this drifting and dreaming for ever. 475 00:47:08,256 --> 00:47:10,508 What a day. Spring in the air! 476 00:47:10,926 --> 00:47:13,762 Who, me? And fall in the lake? 477 00:47:14,179 --> 00:47:16,473 Professor, you're full of whimsy. 478 00:47:16,890 --> 00:47:21,645 Can you tell from there? I'm always like that after radishes. 479 00:47:26,149 --> 00:47:29,444 Is that important? - Is it important? 480 00:47:30,153 --> 00:47:32,113 Those are the football signals. 481 00:47:32,822 --> 00:47:35,116 I've got a duplicate in my pocket. 482 00:47:35,533 --> 00:47:39,537 I always carry two of everything. This is my first date with one woman. 483 00:47:39,954 --> 00:47:42,790 You mean you take two girls out every time? 484 00:47:43,208 --> 00:47:46,544 I hate to see a girl walk home alone. 485 00:47:46,961 --> 00:47:50,632 You know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. 486 00:47:51,049 --> 00:47:54,594 You think a little girl like me could understand them? 487 00:47:55,011 --> 00:47:57,680 I think you could understand anything. 488 00:47:58,097 --> 00:48:01,059 Is the big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby 489 00:48:01,476 --> 00:48:04,354 all about the bad football signals? 490 00:48:05,396 --> 00:48:09,400 Was that you or the duck? If it was you, I'm with the duck. 491 00:48:09,817 --> 00:48:12,612 If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, 492 00:48:13,029 --> 00:48:15,156 icky baby gonna cry. 493 00:48:15,573 --> 00:48:17,325 If icky girl keep talking that way, 494 00:48:17,742 --> 00:48:21,996 big stwong man gonna kick all her teef in. 495 00:48:22,413 --> 00:48:24,498 Naughty man is only fooling! 496 00:48:24,916 --> 00:48:27,460 Just for that I'm coming over 497 00:48:27,877 --> 00:48:32,173 to smother him in kisses. - You couldn't make that onions? 498 00:48:34,884 --> 00:48:37,720 Oh, so that's your game. 499 00:48:40,097 --> 00:48:43,100 Professor Wagstaff! 500 00:48:43,517 --> 00:48:47,146 Just call me Quincy. And later you can call me Quince. 501 00:48:47,563 --> 00:48:50,566 Throw me the lifesaver! 502 00:48:51,484 --> 00:48:54,111 Please hurry, Professor. 503 00:49:02,328 --> 00:49:04,288 39. This is it! 504 00:49:11,545 --> 00:49:14,590 Hello. Yeah, this is McHardie. 505 00:49:16,383 --> 00:49:18,302 So they're coming right over? 506 00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,138 OK, we'll take care of them. 507 00:49:21,889 --> 00:49:26,310 Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming to kidnap us 508 00:49:26,727 --> 00:49:29,188 to keep us out of the game. 509 00:49:33,692 --> 00:49:36,737 This is the place. Now how we gonna catch 'em? 510 00:49:37,362 --> 00:49:40,282 No, that's for flies. Baseball players catch flies. 511 00:49:40,699 --> 00:49:43,493 We look for football players. You bring the tools? 512 00:49:43,911 --> 00:49:47,831 You got the shovel, the axe and the pick? Where's the pick? 513 00:49:48,457 --> 00:49:51,084 No, that's no pick. That's a hog. 514 00:49:51,501 --> 00:49:53,754 Don't you know what a hog is? 515 00:49:54,171 --> 00:49:57,924 Oh, come on, let's get busy. We gotta kidnap those players. 516 00:50:01,136 --> 00:50:02,763 Mullen und McHardie? 517 00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:06,433 That's us. What can we do for you? - You got a brother? 518 00:50:06,850 --> 00:50:09,436 No. - You got a sister? - Yeah. 519 00:50:09,853 --> 00:50:12,397 She's a very sick man. You better come with us. 520 00:50:12,981 --> 00:50:15,150 What happened to her? 521 00:50:15,567 --> 00:50:17,319 She crash her automobile. 522 00:50:17,736 --> 00:50:21,948 She has no automobile. - Then she fell off a horse. We drive you there. 523 00:50:22,365 --> 00:50:25,410 You will? I have no sister. 524 00:50:25,827 --> 00:50:29,122 That's alright. We gotta no car. Come on. 525 00:50:29,539 --> 00:50:32,334 You think you're gonna take us for a ride? 526 00:50:32,751 --> 00:50:35,712 This is gonna take a long time. 527 00:50:37,797 --> 00:50:39,883 Try one at a time. 528 00:50:45,930 --> 00:50:47,849 Odin't work, eh? 529 00:50:48,892 --> 00:50:50,560 Get tough. 530 00:50:52,562 --> 00:50:54,606 Get tough with the other one. 531 00:50:56,566 --> 00:50:58,484 Get tough with both of them. 532 00:50:58,943 --> 00:51:00,486 Tougher! 533 00:51:12,749 --> 00:51:15,626 Now you're getting someplace. 534 00:51:21,007 --> 00:51:23,384 You better think of something else. 535 00:51:27,847 --> 00:51:30,516 I'm exhausted, too. 536 00:51:31,517 --> 00:51:34,520 Maybe you fellas got an idea? - I'll say we do. 537 00:51:34,979 --> 00:51:37,064 Where's that rope, Ed? 538 00:51:37,940 --> 00:51:38,983 Get 'em, Ed! 539 00:51:50,327 --> 00:51:53,497 Hey guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out. 540 00:51:55,291 --> 00:51:57,418 Now they've kidnapped us! 541 00:51:57,835 --> 00:52:00,963 That's a fix-a fine we're in. How we gonna get out? 542 00:52:01,380 --> 00:52:03,757 I got an idea. You got a rope? 543 00:52:05,718 --> 00:52:09,054 That's fine. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 544 00:52:09,471 --> 00:52:12,433 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 545 00:52:14,935 --> 00:52:16,353 Hey! 546 00:52:17,229 --> 00:52:20,482 What you do? You no tie on the bed. 547 00:52:20,899 --> 00:52:23,152 No, I mean a-tie the rope. 548 00:52:23,569 --> 00:52:25,654 Now what you gonna do? 549 00:52:30,033 --> 00:52:33,620 You crazy! That's a-no good. How we gonna get out? 550 00:52:35,664 --> 00:52:38,000 You wanna break-a my neck? 551 00:52:40,294 --> 00:52:44,172 Don't worry, Mr. Jennings, everything's working out fine. 552 00:52:44,590 --> 00:52:49,011 Alright. That game's in the bag. See ya later. 553 00:52:51,221 --> 00:52:54,850 Wonder what the two mugs are doing up there? 554 00:53:29,217 --> 00:53:33,930 Our little playmates, just in time for a cup of tea. 555 00:53:34,347 --> 00:53:39,477 We got no cups. See ya after the game. Come on, Pinky. - No yuh don't! 556 00:53:41,479 --> 00:53:46,401 Take off your coat. Come on. Off with your shirt. 557 00:53:46,818 --> 00:53:48,695 Quit stallin'. 558 00:53:49,154 --> 00:53:52,115 Now take off your pants. - I got a date, nothing doing. 559 00:54:10,425 --> 00:54:11,676 You too! 560 00:54:12,260 --> 00:54:14,721 Take that coat off. 561 00:54:16,597 --> 00:54:20,601 Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed, let's take their clothes. 562 00:54:26,691 --> 00:54:27,525 So, 563 00:54:27,942 --> 00:54:31,279 if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play football. 564 00:54:31,696 --> 00:54:35,700 Tune in on the radio if you want to know how the game's going. 565 00:54:38,244 --> 00:54:41,455 I'll send my sister over to keep you company. 566 00:54:46,460 --> 00:54:48,754 Gee, I guess it's locked. 567 00:55:10,442 --> 00:55:12,027 Boy, what a pretty play. 568 00:55:12,444 --> 00:55:16,282 Darwin's just got a fourth touchdown and the crowd is going wild. 569 00:55:16,699 --> 00:55:19,702 There seems to be no stopping Mullen and McHardie. 570 00:55:20,119 --> 00:55:22,121 Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, 571 00:55:22,538 --> 00:55:26,041 and what a lacing the Huxley team is getting. 572 00:55:32,047 --> 00:55:34,425 HcHardie has the ball and he's breaking through. 573 00:55:44,893 --> 00:55:47,229 I guess we made a grand slam. 574 00:56:25,273 --> 00:56:26,983 Pinky, hurry up. 575 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:30,695 Come on, we still got time to play. 576 00:56:35,283 --> 00:56:39,120 Fine kidnappers you are. The fellas you kidnapped were here before you. 577 00:56:39,537 --> 00:56:42,582 Look: 12 to nothing. Fat lot you care. 578 00:56:42,999 --> 00:56:47,170 Know what it means if Huxley loses? Shame, disgrace, humiliation! 579 00:56:47,587 --> 00:56:50,924 And you're crazy if you don't play the ace. Come on, fight! 580 00:56:51,799 --> 00:56:54,844 No, no, no, no! Get in that game! 581 00:56:57,764 --> 00:56:59,849 Listen, you butter-fingered milksops! 582 00:57:00,266 --> 00:57:04,270 The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team. 583 00:57:04,687 --> 00:57:08,024 We're going to have to use our star play No. 37, 584 00:57:08,441 --> 00:57:12,111 where the quarterback makes a lateral pass to the right guard... 585 00:57:12,528 --> 00:57:15,698 Dad! - Wait a minute! Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of... 586 00:57:16,115 --> 00:57:18,659 Dad! - What do you want? - You're talking to the wrong team. 587 00:57:19,076 --> 00:57:22,538 I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. 588 00:57:25,416 --> 00:57:29,921 Which way you going? - Out there. - Drop me off at the 40-yard line. 589 00:57:34,717 --> 00:57:36,469 Where's your number? 590 00:57:41,932 --> 00:57:47,021 Boy, play like you did last time. I bet five dollars on the other team. 591 00:58:03,412 --> 00:58:05,497 Ready? - OK. 592 00:58:05,915 --> 00:58:07,374 Let's go! 593 00:58:15,507 --> 00:58:17,259 Here comes Prof. Wagstaff. 594 00:58:17,676 --> 00:58:19,595 Will you say something? - I will if you get up. 595 00:58:20,012 --> 00:58:23,974 Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. 596 00:58:24,391 --> 00:58:28,645 Some football game. I wish you were here. Instead of me. 597 00:58:29,063 --> 00:58:32,441 Last week, I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. 598 00:58:32,858 --> 00:58:37,112 Last night Mrs Moskowitz had twins. OK, Mr. Moskowitz! 599 00:58:38,614 --> 00:58:40,949 Thank you, Professor. - It was nothing at all. 600 00:58:51,710 --> 00:58:54,463 The boys are back in the field, they're lined up, 601 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:56,798 Huxley is about to kick off, 602 00:58:57,215 --> 00:58:59,176 and there they go! 603 00:59:17,618 --> 00:59:18,744 Pardon me. 604 00:59:32,842 --> 00:59:35,928 That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. 605 00:59:46,730 --> 00:59:50,776 Hey, you wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. 606 00:59:51,193 --> 00:59:57,449 Signal: 18, 72, forward pass, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. 607 01:00:02,913 --> 01:00:05,499 Pinky, what are you doing here? 608 01:00:08,252 --> 01:00:11,421 That tackle will cost you 15 yards. 609 01:00:11,839 --> 01:00:15,050 You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, understand? 610 01:00:20,097 --> 01:00:22,140 Hey, idiot, where's that ball? 611 01:00:22,558 --> 01:00:25,936 Look, he's got the mumps. - Give me that ball. 612 01:00:26,353 --> 01:00:27,688 Give me it. 613 01:00:39,658 --> 01:00:44,496 Ain't deaf over there. - Signal: 18, 42, 56 and run. Hup! 614 01:00:50,752 --> 01:00:52,212 Bring that back! 615 01:01:14,776 --> 01:01:18,405 Signal: 85, 29, 78. Hup! 616 01:01:29,874 --> 01:01:31,793 Come on, boys. 617 01:01:33,002 --> 01:01:36,756 Jumping anaconda! Is there a doctor in the stands? 618 01:01:37,173 --> 01:01:40,718 Yes, I'm a doctor. - How do you like the game, doc? 619 01:01:49,394 --> 01:01:51,896 Come back for me in five minutes. 620 01:01:55,858 --> 01:01:59,862 Fancy seeing you here. It's a small world after all. 621 01:02:09,247 --> 01:02:11,165 Why weren't you in the last scrimmage? 622 01:02:11,582 --> 01:02:14,794 I'm sitting this one out. - What are you doing with that cigar? 623 01:02:15,211 --> 01:02:19,173 You know another way to smoke it? - Get on your feet. 624 01:02:21,008 --> 01:02:24,220 Don't look now, but I think I see the chemistry prof. 625 01:02:24,637 --> 01:02:26,764 Up there with the janitor's wife. 626 01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:30,059 Here, have a cigar. 627 01:02:33,813 --> 01:02:34,647 Signal. 628 01:02:35,064 --> 01:02:38,859 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. 629 01:02:54,250 --> 01:02:56,252 Have you got it, boys? - OK! 630 01:03:00,297 --> 01:03:02,341 Hey, bring that ball in here. 631 01:03:16,188 --> 01:03:17,815 There goes the ball. 632 01:03:23,570 --> 01:03:26,156 Go on, Pinky. Make a home run. 633 01:03:34,623 --> 01:03:40,253 Gee, Pinky, you made a touchdown. Are you tired? That's marvellous. 634 01:04:07,239 --> 01:04:10,909 I forgot your phone number. - Where's that ball? 635 01:04:13,536 --> 01:04:15,080 Here it is. Come on, 636 01:04:15,497 --> 01:04:18,333 get off that ball. You're holding up the game. 637 01:04:26,716 --> 01:04:32,263 Signal: Uno, duo, tre, vendi, this-a time we go left endi. 638 01:04:48,404 --> 01:04:50,239 Nice work, Pinky. 639 01:04:56,621 --> 01:04:59,499 Signal: Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, 640 01:04:59,916 --> 01:05:03,127 this time I think we go through the middle. 641 01:05:14,805 --> 01:05:16,724 Hey, you're running the wrong way. 642 01:05:47,546 --> 01:05:54,887 We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in matrimony. 643 01:05:55,304 --> 01:05:59,808 Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? - I do.